I have just

got a new TV (well new for me) after having the same TV for 18 years. The new TV has this new fangled stereo business and plenty of options for how this should sound.

Invariably, the adverts are noisier, although I notice some programme titles are far noisier, especially the "sponsored by" bits, which are often deafening compared to the programmes themselves.

Less than fascinatingly, fictional fan of cleaning products, Cillit Bang's own shouty evangelist Barry Scott, is fairly quiet in comparison to a lot of other ads. Perhaps when I was watching my old TV, I imagined his slightly weak bellowing was louder than it actually is. Anyway, it just goes to show.

I suspect most people have an alternative e-mail address or two, just in case.

But that doesn't make what Tiscali have done any better. Just because it's free doesn't mean it has to be crappy as well.

Lovely high definition pictures

to download onto your PC and of course, like old printed photographs, view once and then never, ever look at again.

I do want one though.

The only reason Big Brother rumbles on is

purely because it is an absolute cash-cow for Channel 4. It's not really relevant, challenging or indeed interesting TV any more, just a platform for no-marks and idiots.

That said, I would be lying if I said I wasn't going to watch it, at least until it gets rubbish anyway, usually about week 3.

Can I just say

that if you accelerated at 1G halfway to Mars and then decelerated at 1G you'd get there quicker, have no need for artificial gravity and you'd need a massive amount of fuel and um...

It NASA is serious about sending folk to Mars, it would make sense to ferry as much stuff to Mars as possible beforehand, so that humans would have everything they needed when they got there. You could do that years earlier using less fuel and do you know what, I can't be arsed.

If you buy them, does that mean

you could get them in to do your washing or perform other household chores? Where would they live? My shed is full of the kids bikes, so they'd have to bring a tent, or possibly live in their tour van on the street. I'm not sure what the council would have to say about that.

Paul WS Anderson to direct?

Oh dear.

Actually come to think of it, Alien VS Predator was quite good fun. Does his 'treatment' for The Long Good Friday involve zombies? I think we should be told.

The only thing I noticed apart from the name change was the themes.

Currently a small fox is eating sushi by a formal pond. I noticed him washing his smalls yesterday.

It's the best thing ever.

It looks more like Archbishop of Cantebury

Rowan Williams to me.

Somebody already mentioned

the colour codes for Jet Set Willy. (that was a long weekend copying all those out into shorthand, I can tell you), but who remembers the dastardly Lenslock system that was employed on Elite? If anybody diddled Lenslock, I'd be interested to know.

Fave games? 3D Ant Attack and Skooldaze!

I wonder who is the stupidest person

at Google? I mean, there must be one.

Perhaps he or she is still a semi genius or somesuch. It would be quite an accolade.

Penguins are quite aerodynamic, but I wouldn't fancy trying to catch one beak-on, as it were, in the mouth. Killer whales have such soft, friendly looking tongues, too.