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* Posts by spezzer

69 posts • joined 23 Apr 2007

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Spanish firemen grapple naked stairs sex Brit

spezzer
Happy

what a view!

I'm just sat here imagining the view from above - hmmmmmmm - ooo cripes!

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Boobquake fails to destroy planet

spezzer
Grenade

its understandable..

how an Iranian cleric could reach this conclusion. Clearly theres a link between scantily clad women, horny guys and more sex. The chances are that the cleric has probably overheard men talk about sex and reached the conclusion that indeed the earth does move!

Seeemple!

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Tory defence shadow's laptop nicked

spezzer

As my esteemed colleague says...

...it is the owners responsibility to ensure the safety and the security of the data, in line with the goverments information policy. If the police should arrest anyone it should be Liam Wothisface!

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One fifth of humans say aliens walk among us

spezzer
Joke

human?

in a recent survey 90% of mammals reckoned humans are from another planet and 20% said they needed to brush up on their maths

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Teen's mobe loaded with X-rated smut

spezzer
Jobs Horns

<system error>

Is this a free service? Last time I sent away for porn they chanrged me an arm and a leg!

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Lads from Lagos pose as US troops to snare unwary ladies

spezzer
Grenade

<#N/A>

Lets face it, the army can protect them from bombers, hijackers, metalists, etc - but they cant protect these women from themselves!

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Net downloads cause 'millions of lost jobs'

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Supersonic stealth jumpjet achieves its first mid-air hover

spezzer
Jobs Horns

WOW!

What an awesome piece of kit - but hang on - didnt I see something like that in Wittering about 40 years ago - Oh yea I remember - Its a freakin Harrier!!!

Still bit tasty tho

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Hull Daily Mail exposes depraved local porncoder

spezzer
Megaphone

fecking jorno's...

What is it with whiter than white journalism these days? nobody is perfect, and nobody should even try to be. were only boloody human and porn has been around forever and isnt going anywhere. maybe some rival journo should start poking around those idiots at the hull gazette or whatever its called and see if any of thier employees ever looked at porn. jeez get a life!

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Men lie more in online dating - except about their weight

spezzer

i disagree...

...number one lie is knob-size!!

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Global warming may be normal at this point in glacial cycle

spezzer
FAIL

erm...hang on

the ice-age is cyclical yes? then according to my understanding were either at the start or the end of an ice-age coz were certainly in one right now - although bloody feels like it on the way to m&s for sandwich today!

on the bigger subject (bigger than ice-age?!?!) of GW its must be hell of a job measuring what is actually happening coz theres always going to be all sorts of multiple cyclical fluctuations going and finding a baseline must be pretty close to impossible.

so in conclusion lets do the sensible thing - dont rape the planet! but were a greedy species so basically were fucked! heyho

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'Tightly bound' stars seen locked in 'diabolic strip waltz'

spezzer
Unhappy

damn...

...thought this was a strictly cum dancing story :(

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Oz firm seeks talented IT developer

spezzer
Heart

hats off

classy prank!

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'Peeping Tom' caught on own camera

spezzer
Thumb Down

jeez...

Asda? hasnt this guy got any standards? could have picked something a bit more up market!

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HP probes 'racist' webcams

spezzer
Gates Horns

racist or sexist

good point Dale! the assumption is difference of skin colour but could be gender, hair length or...maybe even....sexual orientation! who knows what this webcam is 'thinking'! - beep subject one straight - subject 2 gay - subject 3 indeterminate - beep

reminds of the conclusion that spiders have ears on their legs coz when you pull their legs off they no longer walk when told to - coz they are now deaf (obviously a trained spider was used in the experiment )

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Firefox 3.5 wins top dog browser crown - sort of

spezzer
Gates Horns

and the reason firefox exists?

is to have a alternate browser with no history (or shortcuts) for porno surfing!! well done chaps!

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Gov confirms plans for Sky box in charge of your house

spezzer
Flame

calling John Connor...

Dont like the way this is going! Anyone heard of Sky-Net per chance? You know the one? where the machines take over the world?

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Landmark ISP piracy case could kick thousands offline

spezzer
FAIL

And what will happen next...

in the land of piracy, new laws mean new technology. If its not already out there then it wont take long before a new version of BitTorrent / UTorrent / WhateverTorrent comes along and the ISPs wont be able to detect illegal downloads - much to thier relief! In fact it would actually benefit ISPs to encourage new technology so that they cant detect downloads and the customers will carry on using their quotas and getting charged for those few extra mega-lumps. Whatever the outcome the Film/Music industry cannot win.

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Cameron escapes Twitter twat rap

spezzer
Flame

complaints???

the average Absolute Radio listener is middle aged blokes innit? Which of these twats complained coz Ive heard far worse. Suggs told the audience to Fuck Off from Regent Street on Sunday night - have the twats complained about that one yet?!?!?

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Good Housekeeping readers play hunt the G-spot

spezzer
Paris Hilton

eewww...

for christs sake! my mum reads Good Housekeeping - the thought of here being subjected to such modern tabooism is horrific - and what if dad see's it? Jeez its all gonna end in tears!

(paris the demonstrator)

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GTA maker coughs up $20m for 'hot coffee' sex

spezzer

Hang On...

why are the shareholders complaining???? surely the whole porn debacle increased sales anyway? i got to agree though - how fecking bizarre the fact the game is clearly intended for a mature audience, which begs the question - Exactly who was offended?

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Lad passes gruelling 'getting on bus' test

spezzer
Headmaster

< twat didnt add title >

I failed this test, I was doing so well until it came to 'Looking through the window' bit. It was at this point I realised I should of been looking out the window, not in. I must have accidently skipped one of the pages, the bit that said 'Get on the Bus' - Dammit!

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Bank fined £3m for data loss

spezzer
Thumb Down

why am i not surprised?

Ive worked at various banks as a techie and still their control over data is non-existant. I would have thought after all the scandal a year or 2 ago they would have tightened up their acts but once employees have access to the data they can do absolutely anything they like with it. Its about time they introduced some kind of boundary that stops the data leaving the confines of the office. but no, it goes into email, onto sticks, it goes out on laptop, and i'm sure mostly for kosher purposes like working from home. But its out the office and no longer under control. Time for change i would say!

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ISS crew snaps erupting volcano

spezzer
Heart

great pic...

but what about global warming - is there gonna be a carbon offset? wonder how many airliner exhausts it equates to - kinda pisses all over global warming really!

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Panasonic patches cameras to block rivals' batteries

spezzer
Thumb Down

PAH!...

like any manufacturer / retailer - once theyve sold thier wares all they are interested in is the bottom line! faulty products are an inconveinience and warrants minimal expenditure. surely if the punter sticks in non-standard parts they have already voided the small print anyway so whats to worry about. cant see how theyre gonna make any money out of this. The only thing I can see happening is their sales are going to bomb big time coz customers will be grumping and griping about having to but genuine spare at rip off prices instead of perfectly good copies! Eventually people will associate panasonic with awkward greedy camera maker and go else where.

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Sikh coppers request bulletproof turbans

spezzer
Pirate

what a load of bollox!

i cant believe they would spend a dime on this kind of research - if these guys want to become armed officers then stop pissing around, get a haircut and get on with the job. what is it with british society that means everyone has to bend over backwards for poxy religion. its gets right on my tits, as you can probably tell!

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NASA deploys huge clingfilm strato-pumpkin over Antarctic

spezzer
Boffin

nerd alert!

I watched a documentary the other day about this and a research team including NASA has done this on a smaller scale and floated a telescope collecting data on stars and looking for new objects in space - the telescop was a serious peice of kit but didnt transmit its data back to base and meant the team had to collect the instuments after landing somewhere in the antartic - it landed okay but the parachute didnt detach and dragged the machine 150 miles across the ice - it took a few days but they evetually recovered the disk drive with all the data and was a real success. worth a watch if you like this stuff!

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Boss frogmarches bound employee to cop shop

spezzer

fuck em!

one minute the fuzz want us to shop em next minute theyre arresting us - what a bunch of dozy tossers!

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Today is not Hadron Collider Day

spezzer
Heart

end of the year?

nice article Lewis!

When they end of the year are we talking 31st December or are the boffins hinting that whenever they crank up the big knob it will in fact be the end of the year ... and everything else!

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American man too fat for execution

spezzer

@Sarah Bee

hey - he crossed the line! when someone does that they relinquish thier human rights coz they aint fucking human!!!! so now he can die like an animal

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Dog off the menu at Olympic restaurants

spezzer
Paris Hilton

@Rob Marsh

i'm with you Rob - tucking into a mouthful of mans best friend - prefer the feline variety myself ;-)

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Lesbians like straight men, researchers find

spezzer
Paris Hilton

@Chris

waddayamean? only 20 samples - you ever tried finding even 2 lesbians when you need them? hats off to the researchers! (Paris coz i can dream!)

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Infra-red cameras to tackle congestion in Leeds

spezzer
Paris Hilton

well spotted Mat!

also...what happens if i turn up the heater in my car and the passenger ducks below dash or behind seat - what if theres a dog sat in the car?

also arent these infra-red cameras used on police choppers? you never see the passengers in a car on police, camera, action! all you see are the engine and exhaust and the streaks of heated tarmac as the tyres fall off!!

i'm not convinced this can work - is it all just a cover to spend the budget surplus from collecting too much council tax?

(paris coz she would look hot in my car)

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Armed police swoop on MP3-packing mechanic

spezzer
Alert

stupid old bint...

...bet she doesnt even know what a real hand-gun looks like. why didnt the police send a bit more time getting a description of this fire-arm in the first place. "what size is it? about 3inches" , "can you see a handle? yes its black with a screen and buttons" - hmmm, okay - thank you caller.

wheres the 'police are twats' icon?

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ISPs demand record biz pays up if cut-off P2P users sue

spezzer
Flame

on the subject of stealing...

...can someone remind me how the revenue made from music sales is divvied up??

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Parent power pulls Woolworth's 'Lolita' kiddies' bed

spezzer
Thumb Up

good ole woolies...

it just goes to show even these corporations are made of humans just like us who make mistakes now and again - its no biggy - just bad taste - but even bad taste is funny ni the right context..

thanks wollies!

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Line up for full-windscreen satnav

spezzer
Unhappy

seems nice but...

...will the graphics actually be as nice as the ilustration? my guess it will be a flickering collection of straighlines - ive yet to see any computer simulation do nice curves!

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Bloke takes missus up the Oxo Tower

spezzer
Thumb Up

I havent seen this before...

and it is soooo hilarious - I asked my colleague if he knew of the Oxo Tower - he innocently replied that he was taken up there by a business client and didnt even have to pay!

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Dildo rails dirty? Help is at hand

spezzer
Happy

Dildo Rail?

that'll be the stainless steel kit you can get from all good high street shops. its a rail that fits on your wall which is ideal for storing all your favourite battery operated toys. the really expensive model comes with and AC/DC connector for recharging after particularly heavy sessions. cant understand why it hasnt been thought of before?

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Paul Burrell pulls website amid 'hate mail' blitz

spezzer
Happy

hahahahah....

just clicked in the PB site link - thats not Paul Burrell - thats Nice Tim but Dim aka Harry Enfield! Lets face it, poor old Nice but Dim wouldnt know any better - after all hes just selling some old stuff that belonged to that posh chick he used to make cups of tea for.

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Got an amicable a*se? We have the job for you

spezzer
Go

come on reggie....

....tell us - what the hell was it supposed to read!!!

'disposition' would be my guess - but then that sounds like a pet!

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Junkie sues pusher over heart attack

spezzer

i can see where this is going...

$million lawsuits for ciggy makers, now lawsuit for drug-pushers - all in the name of the dumb fuckers who use this stuff! so what is happening here - the law is protecting the morons, the makers are getting their asses whooped and lawyers are making a packet. give it a few years and you wont be able to buy anything in good ole USA that could have detremental affect on your health - this could be anything containing harmful substances, IE fat, sugar, starch, E#s - or products that could cause harm IE cars, egg whisks, electrical goods - anything in fact. the US manufacturing base is going down the toilet!

It sounds extreme now but do the math!

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Batman logo manifests in tomato

spezzer

this is such a rotten story....

...that i refuse to comment.......DOH!

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Village shaken by GPS-driven tank invasion

spezzer
Pirate

technological rule #1

as technology gets cleverer the users get dumber!

its bound to happen - as computers figure out stuff and remember stuff the less us mere mortals have to think for ourselves - if you could chart some numbers involving technology progress and IQ the results would probably look quite scary in 20 years!

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UK gov sets rules for hacker tool ban

spezzer
Alien

Great! another law...

...but what about enforcing the law? As the law rule book gets fatter and fatter how do the government propose to ensure that the country's population is abiding by the law. If logic prevails (as it always does) then the more rules per person we have the thinner the law-men are spread. The thinner the law-men are spread the fewer criminals they will catch. The fewer criminals they catch the more the law is broken. The more the law is broken......you know where I'm going! So, more rules mean more rule-breaking - simple! Except....if a bigger investment is made in policing the law....hmmm.....that aint gonna happen. And thats the problem with rules!

I chose alien coz my mind works differently!

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Highways Agency forecasts last year's traffic

spezzer
Gates Horns

hey Ive got a great idea....

how about a Government Website Forecaster - it could predict which .gov.uk sites will be working in the near future. That way we could go straight to that site so we dont waste out time trying to get the pages on other sites working. It would be an index of sites not to visit. Some might say a complete waste of time - so another excellent potential government project!

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Declare Steve Fossett dead, asks adventurer's widow

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Air France compensates 170kg passenger

spezzer
Happy

whats the problem?

I dont know what all the fuzz is about - the airlines ALREADY charge less for smaller people - you know the ones - theyre called children. All the airlines have to do is introduce another category - Chlidren, Adults and Pie-Eaters. See - that was easy!

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Darling admits Revenue loss of 25 million personal records

spezzer
Flame

this isnt incompetence....

this is criminal - whoever is responsible for data security has completely fucked up. No doubt this is going to involve several layers of the chain of command - get thier asses to court and lock the fuckers up!

Someone out there has MINE and half the populations confidential details - i may as well be typing my BANK ACCOUNT and PERSONAL detail right here for everyone to see. It is beyond comprehension!

Why does nobody take data protection seriously? - Seems to me its all bloody hot air worth no more than the paper its written on. I know for a fact I could walk out of here today with 60000 company bank details - but i have the sense and decency not to. And I certainly wouldnt put on CD and stick in the freakin post-box.

Its time for action - we can no longer accept human error on mistakes of this proportion. This kind of data needs to be kept in a closed loop and access granted to those with a legitimate requirement. The environment must have no means of exporting files. This isnt bloody rocket science!!

And Brown's and Darling's apology are WORTHLESS to me!

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Aussie-Irish boozer ejects 'terrorist' drinker

spezzer
Alert

yeah right....

terrorism! - aussies cant even spell it! i'm more convinced he got kicked out for (a) reading a book in a bar (b) reading a book about a ballet dancer in a bar (c) not being a pasty aussie skin shade in a bar - discrimination is alive and well down-under!!

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