Posts by Mike Shepherd

Want to get up to speed on machine learning?

No.

Video

No doubt this has uses, but it's not clear how it can help to "...shoot slow-motion video of electrons and atoms...". However short the pulse, surely an electron which absorbs an X-ray photon will immediately head off at high speed, so won't be around to be "videoed". If the photon isn't absorbed, I assume it just passed by. Can anyone explain?

MBA talk?

...we believe that this sets us up for an exciting future of innovation in the sign-in space

When you read this kind of drivel, expect trouble.

Multimedia

How about the full multimedia experience? Visitors could enjoy dealing with a crotchety postmistress or learn about the Post Office Act. We're sorry to hear that your Recorded Delivery item is missing without a signature, but there's no refund as we don't guarantee anything. Here's a book of stamps. Now go away.

I'm shocked, *shocked* to find that spying is going on in here

'The former MI5 chief said...she went to Moscow to make "first contact" with the KGB. "I found myself facing a long line of KGB officers in their headquarters".'

The surprise must have ranked with that of visiting a nudist camp and finding it full of naked people.

But...

But I don't want to go to London at any speed. Besides, I thought we were all "telecommuting" by now?

Euphemisms

"...we continue to treat this issue...major issue...Once this issue is resolved...some of our customers have experienced technical issues"

It's not a problem, then? Just an "issue" (or maybe a "challenge").

...agents will be freed up to...deliver more proactive and thoughtful customer service

Reaccommodation?

It's difficult to take ATMs seriously on security...

It's difficult to take ATMs seriously on security when they show adverts. Given the struggle to make any software secure, adding unnecessary parts to financial applications seems, at best, ill-advised.

"Seagate made a canine evening meal..."

Midday, surely?

Levels of confidence

"We have already identified the root cause in our server software and applied a patch immediately after the incident occurred".

I'm not sure if, reading that, I'd be reassured that there'd be no more problems or hardly any more problems or if I'd wonder why a problem that could be fixed "immediately after the incident occurred" could have been anything but obvious on cursory examination. I might wonder how many more such "immediately" fixable faults were overlooked by similar lack of cursory examination and remain unfixed.

Why would anyone trust important data (with no local backup) to this Wild West world of the cloud? Surely we must be years away from reliability. If the IT industry's track record on quality is a guide, it's more probably decades.

Audit trail?

I have no experience in writing accounting software, but surely a basic need is an audit trail (journal of transactions) so that any fault can be found easily? At the end of each day, does the Post Office system really just say "You owe us xxx"?

Sorry

I'm...er...washing my hair.

"Ad nauseum (sic)"

Is this a joke that I don't understand or does the author just have very poor Latin?

Such

India "now joins a select group of nations having such an effective Ballistic Missile Defence System.

Here, the word "such" converts a statement incredible for any country into one that doesn't say much at all.

Linear TV?? . . . OTT??

Is this an article for some specialised group?

"see this rather worrying errata (sic)"

Were was this man brung up?

Job advice

It looks like the best job advice is "start looking as soon as you hear the rumours". The reassurances are worth nothing.

Just say "no"

BT / Post Office - just say "no".

"...machine learning in response to freeform verbal questions posed by humans"

Let's see how it answers "Have you stopped beating your wife?".

Deep learning

Suppliers often experience "deep learning" when account closures accelerate.

Cost/benefit

The government's concern is losing taxpayers before they retire.

How can I make that more complicated?

"...for all but 200,000 of the customers, payment in the settlement will come in the form of credits applied to their monthly bills, while the remainder of recipients will get a check in the mail".

I think this means 200,000 customers will get a check. The rest will have their account adjusted. Have I missed anything important? Why the waffle?

Just tell me

Just tell me if I get longer in bed.

"could leave the taxpayer out of pocket by £4.5bn"

I thought these suppliers were all private companies now.

What exactly is the problem?

"...a battery component that was exposed to controlled ambient air longer than it should have been before being assembled into battery packs".

This is half an explanation, padded with the word "controlled" to play down their not following the proper procedure. The best guess is that surface-mount parts were left unused too long after the package was opened, so they absorbed too much water from the air meanwhile. The water turns rapidly to steam in the soldering machine, so parts can crack. But why not just make that clear?

"...more than 10 million objects...26 countries..."

Unfortunately, really useful figures (like the estimated annual profit per connected device) are not mentioned. Even with 50 million connections, you'd have to clear $1 a year from each device, to get back just the latest $200m over four years.

Every time

Every time a trendy green makes a crackpot suggestion (like powering a lift from the energy of users pressing the buttons or driving trains by having passengers pace the carriages), they should be invited to spend an hour cycling to generate the 100W needed for a few "energy-saving" light bulbs. 5 minutes' pedalling is probably enough for basic education; after an hour, they'll happily vote to re-open the coal mines.

£280,000

Jeez, I would have done it for only £270,000.

On second thoughts, could you hurry that along, Mrs May?

"...EU General Data Protection Regulation...Tesco...could be fined nearly £2bn"

Tesco were neutral on BrExit.

" "We were also very, very lucky. Timing absolutely was everything for us"

Why would the hospital publish this admission? It appears very useful to someone trying again.