* Posts by Martin

38 posts • joined 31 Jul 2008

Health trust pushing on with record sharing

Martin

@Graham Marsden RE: Opt out?

Precisely. Got it in one. This is already happening in UK hospitals.

"You can opt out. But if you do we won't have access to your medical history so we won't be able to treat you."

Opt in or F-off.

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ISS space bio-experiment freezer to return on Discovery

Martin

That's Entertainment !

"the big chill-down of the space freezer for loading into Discovery was a major event in its hometown of Birmingham"

Those long Winter evenings must just fly by.

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Brits find accommodation a little uncomfortable

Martin

I wud doo it betterer

But mi smell chicken is broked !

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First case of sleep emailing documented

Martin

Potential Spammer's defense ?

I was asleep when I sent those 3 million dodgy viagra emails M'lud.....Honest!

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Forget Google rationing: Only lighting farts can save the planet

Martin
Thumb Up

Welcome.

I for one welcome our....

er..

Wrong thread - sorry.

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HP hunts down 'rare' BladeSystem problem

Martin
Unhappy

Totally Titsup

Each blade contains several virtual servers and

each server hadles several applications and

one rare error happens to occur and

The whole shebang goes totally titsup.

You gotta love progress.

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UFO damages Lincolnshire wind turbine

Martin
Alien

Oops !

Bloody (alien) women drivers !

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I've only shagged two blokes, insists Paris Hilton

Martin

OK, OK

I admit it ........ The other one was me !

....... and my doctor says the rash will be gone in a week or two if I keep taking the meds.

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Indulge your fecal fantasies with a doll that craps

Martin
Happy

Dual Usage

Simply add a strategically placed cork and voila! - A doll that explodes! (messily)

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Zavvi goes titsup

Martin

Translation

"Zavvi has continued to experience significant difficulty in obtaining stock on favourable credit terms. This has resulted in considerable working capital difficulties as a result of the failure of EUK, in addition to continuing operating losses."

Which translates in English as "We're feckin' skint !"

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Don't delay: Delete your DNA today

Martin

I wonder if

I wonder if someone convicted on the strength of DNA Database evidence could argue that

it was inadmissable because it shouldn't have been retained?

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Snipers - Cowardly assassins, or surgical soldiers?

Martin
Unhappy

Wow - Such passion on this thread.

Can I just say that I have a pet slug named Kevin.

But he's not terribly smart.

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Wireless comms and the end of civilisation

Martin
Paris Hilton

Who would they call ?

It doesn't matter really - they'd only end up going through an automated options system before

being redirected to a call centre in India or some foreign parts.

Paris... foreign parts.. Heh heh!

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Heidemarie 'Toolbag' Piper set for second spacewalk

Martin

Dirk

Dirk, was without a doubt the world's unluckiest Orb Spider. Not only was he captured and

incarcerated in a perspex prison, but he was subjected to massive G forces and subsequent

weightlessness while being abducted and taken aboard an orbiting space station.

In his desperate attempts to escape, Dirk managed to squeeze out of his cage. Hoping to

find a way to stowaway and get back to Earth, he hid inside a small toolbag.............

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Reg Reader 'bitch of a survey' transformed into beautiful webcast

Martin
Coat

Building Applications ?

What? is that like planning permission or summat?

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DARPA: Self-repairing, learning kill-robot tech is go

Martin
Happy

Self-repairing eh?

But they'll still have to wait 4 - 6 weeks for out of stock parts to be shipped from Taiwan.

Then they'll be the wrong size parts.

Then the supplier will deny all knowledge of the original order.

By which time the warranty will have expired.

So they'll have to engage a lawyer to fight their case.

Which will cost them an arm and a leg.

Which will require them to self-repair again !!

I don't think I'll worry anytime soon.

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Batman sues Batman over Batman

Martin
Paris Hilton

Not that I'm cynical or anything, but...

It's obvious that the town is going to lose, unless WB etc. decide to make a gesture.

HOWEVER - I wonder what would happen if someone named a new town after an 'existing'

super-hero? ...... Mega law suit from the IP owners without mercy methinks.

Paris, because I'd like to see her other side too.

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Europe takes aim at BBC licence fee

Martin

Make the beeb subscription only.

If I don't want Sky I don't buy Sky.

If I don't want to pay-per-view for something I don't.

If I don't want the BBC I am forced to pay and get it anyway.

If as everyone says it is so damned good then it would surely thrive by subscription only.

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Sarah Palin's words get data mined

Martin

It was bugging me....

But now I know where I've seen Ms. Palin before.

She's the "Universal Optician's Spectacles Model" isn't she?

Look at any specs ad - there she is.

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Apple probes poison-pumping Mac claim

Martin
Coat

Something fishy...

Maybe it should have read "poisson" ?

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Tories would decentralise NHS IT

Martin
Thumb Down

Hokey Cokey

You put your IT Systems in.

You pull your IT Systems out.

In, Out, In, Out,

....until everybody feels sick.

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Developers to get Windows 7 pre beta next month

Martin
Thumb Up

Fantastic !!

Amazing, incredible, wonderful, etc. etc. etc.

In fact I can't wait for it to go on public release so someone can buy it and tell me what it's like.

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MI6 agent's moustache falls off during TV interview

Martin
Joke

Not very good

at slug-balancing then?

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Noel Edmonds defies BBC's jackbooted enforcers

Martin
Paris Hilton

Damp Squib

I expect Mr. E's licence was 'paid' by a BBC exec checking a box. That way the much vaunted protest becomes completely insubstantial.

Paris - Check her box.

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Oz pub slammed over 'No Undie Sundie'

Martin
Thumb Up

I wish......

I could be the dwarf on No Undie Sundie.....

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World goes mad as Bill and Jerry eat churros

Martin
Happy

RE: Computers make you stupid.

[quote]

I'm no pedant but.....

Solomon Grundy - "make absolutely know sense at all?"

I once saw in a university magazine the editor using "no" instead of "know", but that just about takes the biscuit.

How about all those people who dont know the difference between "lose" and "loose" to.

[endquote]

OK - That last "to" had to be an 'o' short deliberately, right?

Otherwise it's just to funny!!

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Hadron boffins: Our meddling will not destroy universe

Martin
Paris Hilton

Last words..........ever.

"Right - Switch it on!.......

........er.....is it supposed to do that?.......

......Oh Crap!"

<BANG> THE END

Paris has very probably Hadron

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eBay sues business partners over alleged cookie stuffing

Martin
Happy

Hooray for the Colonel !

So KFC do cookies now?

COOL !!

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Hi-tech cops lose their website

Martin
Black Helicopters

Follow standard procedure

I thought it was usual in any domain dispute for the big guy with the money to squash the little guy?

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Google restores Chrome's shine

Martin
Coat

Google ate my hamster !

I no longer care who takes over the world; They are all as corrupt and

depraved as each other.

But I do object to the rapidly becoming ubiquitous use of the non-verb

"to google" when referring to conducting a web search.

It really gets my goat, and my goat is not happy.

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US says the next war will be all in our minds

Martin
Black Helicopters

I knew that.

........or did I dream it?

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Filesharing teen gets damages reduced in ignorance claim

Martin
Paris Hilton

Benefit of the doubt.

I am dubious, but willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

I know loads of non-IT common or garden folk who haven't the first clue

about nettiquette and probably don't know one end of a PC from another.

But they know how to find and download music, films and anything else,

dump it to a stick, ipod or phone, and transmit it around their friends like

an expert.

Paris - Living proof of complete ignorance.

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CERN: LHC to fire first proton-smash ray next month

Martin
Thumb Up

Magnetic Monopoles

Can I be the Racing Car?

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Clone dog mistress denies she is 'sex in chains' McKinney

Martin
Paris Hilton

Of course she is, and......

...If I had five identical boogers I'd make a song and dance about it too!

Paris ... 'cos women don't have boogers.

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Craigslist supervillain seeks henchmen

Martin
Paris Hilton

Thanks, but no thanks.

I'd need at least 22k p.a.

Paris, *the* Femme FLATale.

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IBM solves world's 'paper or plastic' crisis

Martin
Alien

The REALLY BIG question.

If a grocery store employee says "Paper or Plastic?"

and there's no-one in the store to hear it,

.....Will it adversely affect the price of a tin of baked beans?

...The shopping trolley is out there!

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NASA: Mars is good habitat for Terry Pratchett dragons

Martin

Mmmmm.........

Jelly & Doughnuts !

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New Van Gogh pic discovered using German atom-smasher

Martin
Linux

Grassist !

I wonder how excited everyone would be if a hitherto unseen painting

of a patch of grass had been found beneath a famous Van Gogh portrait?

.....Paris (beneath the penguin pic)

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