Increased UFO sightings, ever more cunning and numerous crop circle designs, a nearby exploding star (Betelgeuse) and we apparently don't taste like chicken but like pork. And we all know that bread doesn't travel well, even in the best tupperware containers, it's never been about the minerals or water, they only ever wanted our wheat.
This can only mean one thing, am I the only one that can see the truth?
In one last coordinated effort, every wheat field on earth is hit by a unified pattern so beguiling that all of humanity is drawn out into the fields to marvel at their splendour.
The giant, flour producing factory space ship, HO VI 5 moves into position behind the earth, lest any stray microwaves sneak through their shields deactivating their yeast stocks, it’s a real shit when that happens I can tell you. On it's final, hyperspeed, orbit before tucking in behind the earth it beams every ear of corn onto its conveyor belts. HO VI 5 grinds onto action, creating billions of small white bread buns, no sesame seeds tho' it's too risky as if there is one we know about aliens it's they are all allergic to nuts. Anything that looks like it might be nuts scares them.
At exactly that point the earth is blasted by interstellar Microwaves, cooking us slowly from the inside out. Every last, tasty, one of us cooked to perfection and easily harvestable, the cooked wheat stalks we lie in infusing us with their flavour and finishing off the cooking for that real, cooked outdoors, authentic flavour. We know how disappointing things taste at BBQ's that have been solely micro waved, to avoid poisoning the guests.
As this is a once in a universe event, they come from far and wide to taste our 'long pork' BBQ flavour.
A giant spinning, black, obelisk has been dropped in our solar system, at the centre of mars orbit, to which mars will be tethered. While the adults digest us and talk bollocks around the, still glowing remains of the earth, the children will be playing planetary swing ball long into the evening.
Although mankind and its home ceases to be on that fateful but ultimately filling day, we will enter forever into the histories of all space travelling civilisations as one tasty bunch o' bastards.
I've seen future and the future is so bright that you may as well forget the shades.