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* Posts by Anonymous Custard

884 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

How I BLEW my co-workers' HEADS OFF ... without going to jail

Anonymous Custard
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Likewise I have one at home with a somewhat dodgy cable connection at the rear, leading to some quite interesting psychadelic patterns occasionally..

But a swift application of percussive maintenance normally does the trick (where is the requisite Hammer icon by the way?).

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Anonymous Custard
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Pint

Gissajob?

You clearly work in a more interesting office than I do. Or perhaps a more interesting reality, given it's Friday afternoon and nearly beer o'clock.

Can I have a job at your place?

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Vulture 2 paintjob: Four-year-old nipper triumphs

Anonymous Custard
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Thumb Up

Re: Distress?

So does the Queen own Spanish swans too? Or are you considering all possible long-range flightpaths?

Enquiring minds need to know.

Top job on the scheme though, well done all round.

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Surface 2 and iPad Air: Prepare to meet YOUR DOOM under a 'Landfill Android' AVALANCHE

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Surface 2 runs between £359 and 3439.

Not to mention the dodgy key repeat, which has up'd the Hudl price from £119 to £199...

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LinkedIn: Obviously biz people DON'T use MS Exchange servers. REALLY?

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Good

Not to mention the recent "revamp" of their website which has significantly lowered its usability and user-friendliness. Perhaps it's all part of a cunning plan to push us all towards the mobile apps, 'cos the standard web portal took a real nosedive for actually sorting, collating and finding stuff within your contact-base.

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Nice job, technology. Now we have to work FIVE TIMES HARDER

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Really?

You'll be telling us next that PC doesn't actually stand for "Problem Creator"...

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LOHAN's vital statistics splashed across fruity display

Anonymous Custard
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Terminator

RotM

I dunno, you add any more processing power to the thing it's going to become self-aware.

All it needs now though is another Pi especially programmed to take evasive action when confronted with trees, hillsides, pylons and other such attractants. Or at least to get itself down from them without intervention of meatsack and ladder.

Looks a nice bit of kit though - obligatory beer to be raised and suitable acronym name competition to follow I presume?

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Microsoft pulls Win 8.1 RT code which upgraded Surface 'slabs into BRICKS

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Bricked or somewhat confused.

Wouldn't the more appropriate phrase in this situation be "skateboarded" rather than bricked? Given that seems to be the preferred alternative lower-tech usage for the things...

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What the CUFF? Nokia shows how a smartwatch really OUGHT to work

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Interesting concept

Have a thumbs-up - that was my first thought too (with a quick respray to a manky brown colour)

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Alarming tales: What goes on INSIDE Reg hack's hi-tech bedroom

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Got the same problem in reverse

I find young kids have the same effect, with the added issue that they're less self-sufficient and somewhat noiser too...

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Anonymous Custard
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Automation?

As a thought, if the mobile solution works other than for operator error, why not automate the process with an app like Tasker or AutomateIt? (for Android anyway, I'm sure there must be similar for iOS).

Then you could set things up nice and fancy based on calendar, timer and even perhaps location (GPS or connected wifi) so that it wakes you up using your preferred vibration/noise during weekdays only and only when you're at home.

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Anonymous Custard
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Mushroom

‘rustling forest’

‘rustling forest’ has the effect of making me think my bedroom is on fire.

Well if that doesn't get you from horizontal slumbers to vertical alertness then nothing will...

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iPhone 5S autopsy shows WHY it can't tell which end is up – dev

Anonymous Custard
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Re: .. Apple's latest uber-phone shifts gravity by as much as five degrees ...

Oh I dunno, I know a low-tech solution which seems to do it for me on a Friday night, although often by more than 5 degrees...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

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US parents proclaim 811 'Messiahs'

Anonymous Custard
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I once knew a Wayne Kerr, whose parents either weren't so careful or were plain malicious...

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Alas, all is vanity...

Surely the ultimate narcissistic parent names the kid after themselves (as in Fred Bloggs Jr or Fred Bloggs III if it becomes a family trait)?

That too seems to be more common over there than elsewhere (at least if royalty are excluded), although I don't recall much being made of it before.

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Anonymous Custard
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One of the midwifes in the hospital when my wife was giving birth to our second daughter apparently had to spend over an hour trying to dissuade another mother from naming her newborn "Anus". Presumably she (the mother) either didn't know what the word meant or she had a very low expectation of her new sprog.

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: There's another reason for unusual......

Reminds me of a story I heard once about a Mr & Mrs Peacock who had a lovely baby boy whom they named Drew. It was only a little while later when they did a Google search for his name and it gave one of its "did you mean..." suggestions that they apparently facepalmed.

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: This is a piffle

So with all the Kings, Princes and Princesses (not to mention the current events over there), does it indicate that they might be regretting the revolution and want to go back to being a monarchy?

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Let's think of the kids

And of course in many cases going through life (or at least until you're old enough to deed-poll the thing away) with a name that suggests your parents were either dyslexic or just crap at spelling.

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EasyJet website crashes and burns

Anonymous Custard
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Re: But...

That's Ryanair - iirc easyJet will quite happily check you in at the airport (or one of their machines will, at various airports around Europe like Geneva). At least I don't recall ever getting charged for that priviledge (I fly with them about 4x a month).

Indeed when things go tits-up, from experience they out-perform BA by a long way. Had 3 times when things seriously went wrong (and 2 of those were beyond easyJet's control, things like air traffic control in Munich going down) and flights cancelled or punted until the following day. In all cases put up overnight in quite decent hotels and got back to the UK on the next available flight (in all cases the next day).

In contrast to BA, who once just left everyone in the airport to fend for themselves, and in another case routed a 3/4 full plane from somewhere else to "pick us up", which would have worked except we were also about 3/4 of a plane-load, and so most people got bumped and dumped anyway...

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Windows Phone 8 INFLATED by Microsoft ... to satisfy lonely phablets

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Driver mode

But flight mode ain't just for use on airplanes...

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Custom ringback tones: Coming to your next contract mobe?

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Somehow...

It could be worse - you could end up having Greensleeves played at you even before you've been connected, told your call is important to them and then put on hold (with Greensleeves continuing on for your "enjoyment", if such aural torture can be called that).

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Double-click? Oh how conventional of you, darling!

Anonymous Custard
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Re: But... but...

Or it could just be to balance the Windows habit of trying to make you rename a file/folder if you try and double-click open it but are a fraction too slow?

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Standards...

And some things never change. I took a Kia out for a test drive a couple of years ago, and at the beginning of it the saledroid said "if you indicate with the wipers more than 3 times, you have to buy the car". I thought he was joking, but turns out the design idiots had swapped the position of the indicator and wiper stalks compared to every other car in creation (with the possible exception of Dabbsy's Citroen).

Shame as the car itself wasn't bad, but it was just niggling enough that I'd not consider buying one.

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Microsoft: We're nearly OUT OF STOCK of Surface 2 and Pro 2

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: So...

And does it include any that got modified into skateboards or other useful devices?

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Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Waitrose FTW

Our local Tesco has just introduced this, so it will be interesting to see how it goes. Not used it yet, but have done when away in France and it worked quite well (at least once I'd translated the blurb on the display so i could work it right).

Given how much the shop often comes to (in # of items and in total outlay) it could be a very good thing unless it ends up needing to be done twice. Quite how the coupons etc will work for it may be interesting though (given their normal tills seem to spit back about 20% of the valid ones anyway and need to be "forced" by the cashier or supervisor).

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Anonymous Custard
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You'll probably find they weren't 26 schoolkids, they were 26 ex-employees who have lost their part-time jobs to the damn things and are now reduced to hanging around them and gloating at their failure.

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The Vulture 2: What paintjob should we put on our soaraway spaceplane?

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Register Red of course!

Luminous yellow and green stripes, so you can easily find the thing again when it lands (to cover all attractants like trees, rocks, pylons etc - at least one colour should stand out). Plus you can send the minion for a tin of striped paint and enjoy the attempt).

Or failing that just a nice silver with flaming red decals to make it look like a real re-entry?

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A £30,000, 295bhp 4G MODEM?!? Must be the Audi S3 Quattro, then

Anonymous Custard
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Re: I don't usually descend to obscenity...

Having driven quite regularly on the German autobahns on business, I must admit even there it's usually (at least 50% of the time) an Audi (or more usually a remaining fraction of one) that causes the long tailbacks when they lose it and end up in pieces across the carriageway or verge. Less so the BMW's, and only occasionally Mercs these days.

Anyway perhaps we should implement a simple mass general-public solution that the first response to one of these trying to park in your boot with lights-a-flashing is just to slow down by 5-10mph or so and be equally bloody-minded about it?

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WHY didn't Microsoft buy RIM? Us business blokes would have queued for THAT phone

Anonymous Custard
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Re: That last sentence says it all.

My thoughts exactly, although of course they also want the same looks, feel and operation across the whole eco-system from PCs to phones via tablets, consoles and whatever else they can put a Windows logo onto.

But of course whilst RIM/Blackberry are well known for security etc, the same cant be said for Microsoft more generally. Hence they'd either have to throw out their much vaunted cross-platform equality (which in the real world may not be such a bad thing, but that's just what reality seems to be showing) or bite the bullet on Windows security. And neither of those are going to happen without a major shift in policy.

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Travel much? DON'T buy a Samsung Galaxy Note 3

Anonymous Custard
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Flame

One for Neelie K?

Well as she seemingly has won her war with the carriers on this, maybe time to set her onto the hardware side of things too so the job is fully done?

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Glowing Nook knocked to under 50 quid for Xmas

Anonymous Custard
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Re: quick sale, quick review

Amazon's DRM gets in the way there. I use Calibre, and know of a few plug-ins for it that are supposed to "assist" with getting round the DRM to convert protected books, but I've never found one that actually does. I would agree though that aside from that slightly dodgy issue it's a superb bit of software for the job.

It may just be me doing something wrong there or my Google-Fu failing at last, but that's the mileage I got. Anyway rooting the Nook was easy and painless, and with the Amazon app you get all the synching and cross-device updating to any other Kindle hardware or software installs (like I have on my PC too, plus the wife's Kindle) as well (whether this is good or not I leave to your individual judgement).

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: quick sale, quick review

To fill in the blank - after rooting and adding Kindle app the Nook synch's fine with Amazon (it appears on the "deliver to:" list on the Amazon website as "<account name>'s Android").

The only slight glitch is the hardware fwd/back buttons don't work with the Kindle App (at least the version I side-loaded, which I think is the current one). That said the touchscreen swipe works fine for page turning etc, so it's a fairly minor issue. Maybe a different APK available, but not had time to go hunting around (and not sure it's worth the effort anyway).

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: I agree...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/04/23/microsoft_mulls_backside_display_for_mobiles/

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: A hasp! A hasp! My kingdom for a hasp!

This?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/04/23/microsoft_mulls_backside_display_for_mobiles/

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Text-to-speech

I don't think it's got any kind of audio support in it (hardware-wise, no speaker or 'phones port). At least my £29 simple touch hasn't, and I don't think the Glowlight has either. Presumably there'd be too much cost and/or redesign hassle to add them in to make the additional capability worthwhile.

But like the others above, have to say very chuffed with my Nook, alongside my netbook and Nexus 7. Easily rooted and added a couple of other reader apps, so it can now happily support almost all formats (especially when paired with Calibre on the PC). Does everything it needs to, and in the worst case scenario it's almost at a disposable price. The extra £20 makes the Glowlight a little less so, but it's still cracking value.

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Surface Mini on shelves NEXT YEAR – and it will run Windows RT

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Presumably, "GDR" here stands for

Groundhog Day Rerun?

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F-16 fighter converted to drone

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

The USAF were jealous of the success of LOHAN and just had to one-up it?

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Circling the RIM: BB10 becomes chamber of horrors for BlackBerry

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Campaign for real English words...

Prosumers? Phondleslabs?

Are things getting so bad that they have to make up stupid buzzwords now to try and shift them or to excuse how awfully they are doing? Or is it some kind of scoring system - crap products attracting them like flies?

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Microsoft: Surface is DEAD. Long live the Surface 2!

Anonymous Custard
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Paris Hilton

Confusion

So Microsoft's solution to the confusion people were having between the "Surface RT" and the "Surface Pro" is to call the updated RT one the "Surface 2"? Somehow that makes things clearer?

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One of last few iPhone 5Ss STOLEN from within MASSIVE POLICE CORDON at Apple Store

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Planning

I love the way they already had the signs printed and waiting

Indeed, plus the way they say they're sold out "today" when their next shipment will be in October (according to the article anyway).

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Douglas Adams was RIGHT! TINY ALIENS are invading Earth, say boffins

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Moonlighting?

And the scientists claim they managed to photograph one of the extraterrestrial blighters from a balloon.

OK, so who's going to talk to our intrepid Playmonaut about his covert second job?

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PEAK APP: After 2013, you'll NEVER again install as many – Gartner

Anonymous Custard
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App of the Day

The exception could also be people who use the various "app of the day" promotion apps or features (like the one in the Amazon Appstore). Can sometimes throw up stuff which is unknown but potentially useful or diverting (along with a lot of dross, irrelevant stuff and replica games too).

I've discovered a few apps that way, plus had a few free upgrades of apps I already used to the "pro" version (or a version that's essentially pro, or at least more fully featured or ad-less) so I'd say in my case I'm more 1-2 apps downloaded per week than 3-4 per year.

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Office 365 goes to work on an Android

Anonymous Custard
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Click and drag

It is missing, or rather it's replaced by the highlight with movable tabs (clicking on the word to copy for a second bringing up the endstop tabs which can then be dragged to cover the text block you want to highlight for copy or whatever). It's different, but it's no less usable, and can be a little more accurate sometimes depending on the size of block you want to deal with and how good your rodent skills are.

Indeed I was a little surprised at how much is supported. With a quick test on my Nexus 7 with a MS Intellimouse, it supported the thumb and pinky buttons too (thumb button for page back for example) and also the wheel-driven scrolling. Yes no right-click menu, but as the previous comment said that's down to design.

Plus pair the device with a keyboard (bluetooth or USB - full-sized or a keyboard cover as you see fit) and you're good to go for any kind of text input.

Also is the appearance of this article on the very day that Google throw Quickoffice into the ring a co-incidence or karmic timing (or editorial balance that other apps may exist, although if so Kingsoft Office may feel left out too) ?

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Our sensational rocket ship Vulture 2 REVEALED: LIVE at 3pm

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

The missing competition

One thing that struck me on my journey to work this morning (must look where I'm going more) is that whilst we've had commentard competitions for naming almost all of the components for LOHAN (and indeed PARIS before it), there's one element that surely deserves a name more than anything - our heroic playmonaut?

Come on, with all the sterling service that he (or indeed she, given many of Hollywood's plastic people are of the lady persuasion) has given in the air, on Spanish mountainsides and of course in the English Channel (RIP Playmonaut Snr) isn't it about time they were given a suitably heroic (or cheesy) name themselves?

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Sofas with a roof and Star Trek seating: The future of office furniture?

Anonymous Custard
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pulchritude

Well that's my new word of the day sorted out - thanks :)

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