* Posts by Anonymous Custard

1547 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

There’s a module for that: LG launches G5 smartphone complete with 'friends'

Anonymous Custard
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Terminator

Re: Does the person demoing it look like a...

Or judging by the picture from the article, you too can look like Bender from Futurama...

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NASA stormed by 18,000 wannabe 'nauts

Anonymous Custard
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Peake's in spaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccceeeeeeeeee

Well at least we can already say we've achieved Peake astronaut with Major Tim...

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Samsung now pushing Marshmallows into the Galaxy S6, Edge

Anonymous Custard
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And tablets?

I'm still wondering when my Tab S2 is going to actually "officially" get 5.1.1 in the UK, let alone Marshmallow.

It's out as an OTA update in other regions, but the UK still seems to be on 5.0.2 for some reason. Not sure why as I've upgraded mine from one of those via Odin and it's running fine.

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The field at the centre of the universe: Cambridge's outdoor pulsar pusher

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Did Bell have a first name?

She was even on Stargazing Live on BBC2 a few months ago (at least some of the bits that weren't devoted to Tim Peake and the ISS). A very engaging and eloquent lady, came across very well.

I seem to recall they were talking her up as being Nobel Prize Winning too. Maybe factually incorrect, but as others have noted it's an injustice.

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Send tortuous stand-up ‘nine-thirty’ meetings back to the dark ages

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Aquarium? Pah...

Try doing the stand-up in the semiconductor industry - with a crowd of a couple of dozen or so in the usually fairly noisy, warm and dry-aired cleanroom, in full bunny-suit, face-mask and safety glasses with people droning on for an hour or more and only about 5 minutes actually related to your tools or section (if that).

Almost makes the aquarium sound appealing.

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Meetings are made even more

Unfortunately you'd probably find they'd be the ones running it...

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Anonymous Custard
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Not to mention the time required for preparing the management-dictated obligatory PowerPoint presentation that no-one except them looks at and no-one at all understands or gives a toss about.

Either trying to find enough to put in that's worth saying, for *those* projects trying to cram it all into the mandated "couple of slides" whilst have it actually make any kind of sense or just those who have to use company-standard templates which do their best (worst) to inflict all sorts of font/animation/colour monstrosities on the viewer and take 4x as long to weed out to make the thing viewable for more than a millisecond without inducing nausea.

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Anonymous Custard
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Sounds like typical Friday early afternoon, although in that case it's trying to concoct the random numbers to enter into my timesheet for the week and then make my weekly report vaguely match-up.

Something to do between Dabbsie and beer o'clock, at least unless BOFH appears to distract me.

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Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Those humans-

Come on, we've got plenty more. You'll make us feel like you don't want us...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Inventive?

Ah rambling status meetings, the best example of counter-productive time spent since the idea of "preventative maintenance" was thought up (including the twice-as-long actual maintenance that needs to be done to repair whatever got broken by trying to do the maintenance preventatively).

It's still the age-old mantra around here - "do you want to have a meeting to talk about the status of the current issues, or shall we just spend the time in actually fixing them?".

And of course any inclusion of a Powerpoint requirement to explain said current status triples the (in)effectiveness of the whole exercise (or the time wasted on it anyway).

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Hold the miniature presses: Playmobil movie is go

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

And the zen question may be

If el-Reg wants to recreate a scene from the movie (or it didn't happen...), what should be used?

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Anonymous Custard
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And on a more sombre note, will the movie be in memorium to our intrepid lost original Playmonaut?

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IoT lacking that je ne sais quoi? Try the IoTSP

Anonymous Custard
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Re: PaaS

If it is then I think our HR people will be talking to the lawyers, as they've been treating us that way for years and will have a prior art claim...

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'Printer Ready'. Er… you actually want to print? What, right now?

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

The only problem is now he's made the fuck-up fairy that sits on his shoulder aware that he has the flipchart pen, so it will either:

a) run dry

b) go awol

c) leak all over the inside of the backpack, resulting in everything ending up covered in thick black gunk and looking like it's been pulled out of an oil sump.

At least that's my personal experience of such pens if used more than once in a blue moon.

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Anonymous Custard
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Coat

The Silicon conspiracy

It's all part of the conspiracy that the machines are perpetrating on us whilst they slowly become sentient and strong enough to do away we us meatbags.

Other examples are:

* The Windows Updates that insist on installing when you shut down your laptop on your way out of the office to catch a plane/train.

* The coffee machine which spits hot staining fluids (as what comes out of many of them can't be classed as coffee or tea) all over your shirt and tie.

* The phone volume level which raises itself to "wake the dead" levels during meetings but insists on dropping to "mouse farting in church" when you try to use it as an alarm clock on a business trip.

* The Bluetooth device that offers to connect to every visible (and invisible) device within a half-mile radius except for the your one which is within a few centimeters of it.

Mine's the coat with the easyJet boarding pass in the pocket, for use this afternoon printed out on paper with a duplicate in my laptop bag for when I lose it.

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: The rest of us commute in daily from our hovels

And according to what I was reading yesterday, we apparently need to ensure to commute via some random European city like Berlin to make it a cheaper experience...

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Microsoft on Cloud 9 after online biz boosts profits to $6.3bn in second quarter

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Microsoft on Cloud 9?

But soon the nagging will start and then there'll be a forced up upgrade to Cloud 10, at which point the whole thing will go tits-up.

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BOFH: I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Contrary to government opinion*...

You don't live any longer, it just seems like it as Friday afternoons crawl along if beer o'clock is removed.

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: One can only wonder

Some do, although for the alternative sustenance of coffee and bacon (plus other minor miscellaneous background stuff).

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Anonymous Custard
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Pint

Ah the old division

Those who have the visionary dreams versus those who have the nightmares of realisation and implementation.

Almost as bad as those who make the promises to customers versus those who have to actually try and fulfil them.

A gem, even before we got to beer maths...

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How to help a user who can't find the Start button or the keyboard?

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

It's not just tech...

Speaking as a parent who takes his daughter to guitar lessons every Saturday morning, and for at least the first 4 weeks we were there another parent brought his son along, but didn't seem to feel it necessary to actually bring a guitar along too...

So sadly I have to report that it's not just tech that suffers from such people, although the look on the tutors face by about the third week of it happening despite his repeated hints, prompts and suggestions to get one was priceless..

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Some people....

Manager: No. I don't trust computers

Or possibly a more accurate translation - "I've not been trusted to have enough intelligence to be allowed to have a computer." ?

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Pentagon fastens lasers to military drones to zap missiles out of the skies

Anonymous Custard
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Re: "Sadly no plans for sharks as yet"

So exactly how big a crater would an average sized shark make if dropped on someone from 10,000ft?

Enquiring minds want to know. And indeed how much sushi would you get as a by-product?

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Adblock Plus blocked from attending ad industry talkfest

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Adblock's next step?

Nah, I think they should just hire a load of people to go to the venue, stand outside and block anyone from getting in...

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Twitter goes titsup

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

No, but I hear Gordon is...

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El Reg mulls entering Robot Wars arena

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Jaws of death?

Or even Sir Killalot, the house robot?

His claw was basically a repurposed Jaws of Life cutter, albeit the normal two-bladed one rather than a 4-bladed contraption. That said it did seem reasonably effective, from what I can remember.

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: best feature

I'm sure the turtle may have something to say on that front?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

"purpose built, literally bullet-proof arena"

Sounds like a challenge to me...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

The slight flaw in the plan could be that just picking the opponent up could maybe do little to stop them still bashing twelve shades of circuitry out of you whilst up there, if they had suitable weaponry in the right orientation. Indeed it could help them, as whilst they can't move relative to you, the reverse is also true.

As my cat reminded me last night when I tried to get him out of the lounge so i could go to bed, just being able to hold something up doesn't mean your arms (or even the rest of you, if reach is sufficient) suddenly become immune to attack...

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You've heard of Rollercoaster Tycoon – but we can't wait for Server Tycoon

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: "In-game Ads Messaged"

I wonder on install ad-block or similar on your virtual servers to get around the in-game ads?

Or would that be the buyable extra?

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Bijou Linux autopilot takes to the skies

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Pi Zero availability

They do pop up occasionally on the normal sites, and if you set the notification and are quick you can grab one. For example Pimoroni had some (40 or so i think) in a couple of weeks ago, which I was lucky to snag one of. Also got a late subscription to MagPi just in time to get issue #40 with one on the cover.

Posted not with the aim of being one of the thousand replies, but more to reassure that with a little patience it is possible to get one. But I can understand the frustration, having been in the same boat prior to striking lucky.

That said, judging by the top photo on the article they're trying the get the autopilot boards to breed...

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Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Everlasting life

So no bacon sandwiches and now no beer. Even if you don't actually live any longer, you'll be so bloody bored and depressed that it will seem like it, and through stress and envy of others indulgence you may well shorten your lifespan anyway?

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Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Calling Ben Goldacre

Just don't get it mixed up with the washing up water if someone's been generous with the Fairy Liquid...

And I'm not even going to ask what colour it comes out if it goes in bright green in sufficient quantities...

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Chinese unleash autonomous airborne taxi

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Idiot-proof interface?

It's an arms race. I'm convinced there's a secret corporation out there somewhere specifically breeding more capable, resourceful and ingenious idiots...

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Fans demand 'Lemmium' periodic table tribute

Anonymous Custard
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Sorry Octarine - I will lern too tipe wun ov thees dayz...

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Anonymous Custard
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There's already a parallel petition on the same site to have one of the other elements named Octiron.

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Anonymous Custard
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Octarine

Or if anyone wants an alternative for one of the other elements, there's a parallel petition to name 117 as Octarine (although they'll argue it'd need to be Octarinium, or Pratchettium probably).

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: -nomy/-logy

We commentards are there to steer it right, and seemingly now even to get recognised in articles too...

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TV streaming stick brings the movies and the network backdoors

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Sadly not only them...

They're hardly unique in that area of the market for such an issue.

I have a similar DLNA renderer stick which also hotspots and has a fixed and unchangeable password of 12345678. Contacted the manufacturer (also Chinese), and for some strange reason they didn't see this as a problem or a security risk.

For some strange and unaccountable reason I only ever use it when travelling, and it's blacklisted from connection to my home network.

Wouldn't it be nice if such stuff was under some sort of requirement for import license or similar that it didn't open up such gaping backdoor holes in the network if used by Joe Public?

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Foetuses offered vaginal music streaming service

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Musical vibrator?

I thought they were the Motorhead gigs, designed for the whole body (or indeed the whole building) vibrator experience...

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Periodic table enjoys elemental engorgement

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Element 115

Only if it changes to Lemmium after a few years without anyone knowing who came up with the new name or why...

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The Register's entirely serious New Year's resolutions for 2016

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Page and Worstall "moved on" in the Autumn, right?

And on this point, should we be worried by the lack of Dabbsie lately too?

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T'was the night before Christmas, and an industrial control system needed an upgrade

Anonymous Custard
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Re: “A less than really sharp manager agreed,”

@JeffUK - it's a well tried and tested Japanese management technique too. Promote the incompetent up but out of the way, and surround them with suitably clever and competent people who can take what they say and spin, interpret or just replace it with more sensible and suitable proclamations and requests.

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Hurry up and wait

WG made it home for Christmas, albeit without knowing if his work had done the trick because the client wouldn't run the whole system until the new year.

Ah yes, the old "I need it super-duper urgent so you lot have to pull out all the stops, then I'm going to leave it sat idle for a week whilst I enjoy my holidays and other more important stuff" response from the customer.

Where does that sound horribly familiar from?

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Windows for Warships? Not on our new aircraft carriers, says MoD

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Screen capture was the best

Not to mention the fun that can still often be had with ctrl alt + arrow keys when people wander off leaving their machines unlocked...

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Pedant alert

The real question is whether they'll get their aircraft before they're scrapped or sold off, given all the shenanigans that have gone on in that particular part of the purchase ordering and contracting...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Pedant alert

“The MoD can confirm that Windows XP will not be used by any onboard system when the ship becomes operational,” the spokesman added. “This also applies to HMS Prince of Wales.”

Note the bold bit. You can almost imagine after the spokesman got off the blower with el Reg, the frantic call made to the beancounters to get approval for a quick software retrofit before the thing actually goes live.

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Brit 'naut Tim Peake tucks into space bacon sarnie

Anonymous Custard
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Thumb Up

Re: Makes me think of

And another one, for the same reason...

Still think the strapline for the el Reg coverage of the actual launch should have been "Peake's in spaaaaaaaaaaacccccccceeeeeeeeee" as well. Trick missed there oh Vulture overlords...

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Hacktivist pranksters stick it to the European Space Agency

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Hold them accountable for hacking

Nah, just a small moon

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How to build a real lightsabre

Anonymous Custard
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Re: @Captain DaFt - Uh, point of order.

Although it may also depend on which planet you happened to be standing on at the time...

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