* Posts by Anonymous Custard

1527 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

How to help a user who can't find the Start button or the keyboard?

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

It's not just tech...

Speaking as a parent who takes his daughter to guitar lessons every Saturday morning, and for at least the first 4 weeks we were there another parent brought his son along, but didn't seem to feel it necessary to actually bring a guitar along too...

So sadly I have to report that it's not just tech that suffers from such people, although the look on the tutors face by about the third week of it happening despite his repeated hints, prompts and suggestions to get one was priceless..

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Some people....

Manager: No. I don't trust computers

Or possibly a more accurate translation - "I've not been trusted to have enough intelligence to be allowed to have a computer." ?

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Pentagon fastens lasers to military drones to zap missiles out of the skies

Anonymous Custard
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Re: "Sadly no plans for sharks as yet"

So exactly how big a crater would an average sized shark make if dropped on someone from 10,000ft?

Enquiring minds want to know. And indeed how much sushi would you get as a by-product?

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Adblock Plus blocked from attending ad industry talkfest

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Adblock's next step?

Nah, I think they should just hire a load of people to go to the venue, stand outside and block anyone from getting in...

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Twitter goes titsup

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

No, but I hear Gordon is...

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El Reg mulls entering Robot Wars arena

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Jaws of death?

Or even Sir Killalot, the house robot?

His claw was basically a repurposed Jaws of Life cutter, albeit the normal two-bladed one rather than a 4-bladed contraption. That said it did seem reasonably effective, from what I can remember.

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: best feature

I'm sure the turtle may have something to say on that front?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

"purpose built, literally bullet-proof arena"

Sounds like a challenge to me...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

The slight flaw in the plan could be that just picking the opponent up could maybe do little to stop them still bashing twelve shades of circuitry out of you whilst up there, if they had suitable weaponry in the right orientation. Indeed it could help them, as whilst they can't move relative to you, the reverse is also true.

As my cat reminded me last night when I tried to get him out of the lounge so i could go to bed, just being able to hold something up doesn't mean your arms (or even the rest of you, if reach is sufficient) suddenly become immune to attack...

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You've heard of Rollercoaster Tycoon – but we can't wait for Server Tycoon

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: "In-game Ads Messaged"

I wonder on install ad-block or similar on your virtual servers to get around the in-game ads?

Or would that be the buyable extra?

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Bijou Linux autopilot takes to the skies

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Pi Zero availability

They do pop up occasionally on the normal sites, and if you set the notification and are quick you can grab one. For example Pimoroni had some (40 or so i think) in a couple of weeks ago, which I was lucky to snag one of. Also got a late subscription to MagPi just in time to get issue #40 with one on the cover.

Posted not with the aim of being one of the thousand replies, but more to reassure that with a little patience it is possible to get one. But I can understand the frustration, having been in the same boat prior to striking lucky.

That said, judging by the top photo on the article they're trying the get the autopilot boards to breed...

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Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Everlasting life

So no bacon sandwiches and now no beer. Even if you don't actually live any longer, you'll be so bloody bored and depressed that it will seem like it, and through stress and envy of others indulgence you may well shorten your lifespan anyway?

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Calling Ben Goldacre

Just don't get it mixed up with the washing up water if someone's been generous with the Fairy Liquid...

And I'm not even going to ask what colour it comes out if it goes in bright green in sufficient quantities...

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Chinese unleash autonomous airborne taxi

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Idiot-proof interface?

It's an arms race. I'm convinced there's a secret corporation out there somewhere specifically breeding more capable, resourceful and ingenious idiots...

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Fans demand 'Lemmium' periodic table tribute

Anonymous Custard
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Sorry Octarine - I will lern too tipe wun ov thees dayz...

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Anonymous Custard
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There's already a parallel petition on the same site to have one of the other elements named Octiron.

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Anonymous Custard
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Octarine

Or if anyone wants an alternative for one of the other elements, there's a parallel petition to name 117 as Octarine (although they'll argue it'd need to be Octarinium, or Pratchettium probably).

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: -nomy/-logy

We commentards are there to steer it right, and seemingly now even to get recognised in articles too...

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TV streaming stick brings the movies and the network backdoors

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Sadly not only them...

They're hardly unique in that area of the market for such an issue.

I have a similar DLNA renderer stick which also hotspots and has a fixed and unchangeable password of 12345678. Contacted the manufacturer (also Chinese), and for some strange reason they didn't see this as a problem or a security risk.

For some strange and unaccountable reason I only ever use it when travelling, and it's blacklisted from connection to my home network.

Wouldn't it be nice if such stuff was under some sort of requirement for import license or similar that it didn't open up such gaping backdoor holes in the network if used by Joe Public?

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Foetuses offered vaginal music streaming service

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Musical vibrator?

I thought they were the Motorhead gigs, designed for the whole body (or indeed the whole building) vibrator experience...

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Periodic table enjoys elemental engorgement

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Element 115

Only if it changes to Lemmium after a few years without anyone knowing who came up with the new name or why...

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The Register's entirely serious New Year's resolutions for 2016

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Page and Worstall "moved on" in the Autumn, right?

And on this point, should we be worried by the lack of Dabbsie lately too?

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T'was the night before Christmas, and an industrial control system needed an upgrade

Anonymous Custard
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Re: “A less than really sharp manager agreed,”

@JeffUK - it's a well tried and tested Japanese management technique too. Promote the incompetent up but out of the way, and surround them with suitably clever and competent people who can take what they say and spin, interpret or just replace it with more sensible and suitable proclamations and requests.

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Hurry up and wait

WG made it home for Christmas, albeit without knowing if his work had done the trick because the client wouldn't run the whole system until the new year.

Ah yes, the old "I need it super-duper urgent so you lot have to pull out all the stops, then I'm going to leave it sat idle for a week whilst I enjoy my holidays and other more important stuff" response from the customer.

Where does that sound horribly familiar from?

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Windows for Warships? Not on our new aircraft carriers, says MoD

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Screen capture was the best

Not to mention the fun that can still often be had with ctrl alt + arrow keys when people wander off leaving their machines unlocked...

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Pedant alert

The real question is whether they'll get their aircraft before they're scrapped or sold off, given all the shenanigans that have gone on in that particular part of the purchase ordering and contracting...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Pedant alert

“The MoD can confirm that Windows XP will not be used by any onboard system when the ship becomes operational,” the spokesman added. “This also applies to HMS Prince of Wales.”

Note the bold bit. You can almost imagine after the spokesman got off the blower with el Reg, the frantic call made to the beancounters to get approval for a quick software retrofit before the thing actually goes live.

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Brit 'naut Tim Peake tucks into space bacon sarnie

Anonymous Custard
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Thumb Up

Re: Makes me think of

And another one, for the same reason...

Still think the strapline for the el Reg coverage of the actual launch should have been "Peake's in spaaaaaaaaaaacccccccceeeeeeeeee" as well. Trick missed there oh Vulture overlords...

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Hacktivist pranksters stick it to the European Space Agency

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Hold them accountable for hacking

Nah, just a small moon

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How to build a real lightsabre

Anonymous Custard
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Re: @Captain DaFt - Uh, point of order.

Although it may also depend on which planet you happened to be standing on at the time...

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Not so clever

Or the internet. Forget putting plans for Death Stars into droids, just email the damn things or set up a dark website on Tor.

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Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Not to mention it getting all twisted up the first time two sabres clash.

Something along the lines of this, around the 90 second mark. That Mel Brookes knows a thing or two about science ;)

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Do not try this at home kids...

What’s more, a laser focuses light in one direction so sharply that you can’t see it unless you look directly down its axis.

At which point everything becomes somewhat irrelevant as to how it would look, as you've quite possibly just blinded yourself. Looking directly down the axis of a laser is most certainly going to spoil your day, and quite possibly the rest of your life.

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Old jet bits, Vader's motorbike gear, sonic oddness: Hats off to Star Wars' creative heroes

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: What's with all that Star Wars articles?

Nah, this isn't the movie you're looking for. Move along, move along... ;)

(well with a set-up line like that, someone had to).

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Brit 'naut Tim Peake thunders aloft

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

The training and preparation takes a while, as does the usual pre-requisite careers in academia or the military depending on your proposed specialisation beyond "astronaut".

It's not something you go directly to from school, despite the dreams of many a youngster.

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Kids' TV show Rainbow in homosexual agenda shocker

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Or for that matter start investigating quite what the infamous threesome of Rod, Jane and Freddie used to get up to as well...

Still I could have been worse, apparently Freddy was a replacement for Roger Walker, and they were previously known as Rod, Jane and Roger which certainly conjures up some disturbing mental images...

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Curiosity Rover digs into humanity's first alien sand dune

Anonymous Custard
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A potent voyager?

One image released by NASA suggests it's sand all the way down

You were expecting turtles?

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Anonymous Custard
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Or a black monolith?

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Google cloaks Android in Red Screen of malware Dearth

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Dearth mauls malware

Is he from SW: The Force Awakens?

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Microsoft pitches lobotomized Cortana for iOS, Android handsets

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: ("remind me to buy milk when im at tesco" "which tesco?" "any" "OK"

You've got Tesco free wifi available, but no mobile phone signal at all.

At least according to my missus, when trying to use her Tesco Mobile phone in two of our local stores...

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If it still works six months from now, count yourself lucky

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Never had a problem with my own PCs

Hmm, my Latitude E7450 here at work must have got mixed up then. Last month it managed to get through two motherboards in 10 days, which is made even worse by the fact that for 7 of those 10 days I was on holiday.

Even the visiting Dell tech that had to come back to replace the first replacement motherboard with the new second one couldn't understand quite how it had gone tits-up again, especially given the thing had sat in the IT department cupboard between his first repair and me getting it back, pressing the power button and getting sweet FA out of it again...

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

What happens in Blackpool...

As with my incorrectly assembled colleague, perhaps I am at fault. Perhaps I have just been unlucky, no doubt caused by not purchasing a twig of heather off that crone in Blackpool back in 1974. I had my chance and blew it.

Hang on, so you were on a jaunt in Blackpool in 1974, and you feel at-fault for an incorrectly assembled colleague? Are these two facts linked? And are you entirely sure that basque was for HLW, although I draw the line at wondering at the crone's potential other involvement?

Speaking as a man who was apparently conceived there (information I wanted to know about as much as the rest of you lot did too), enquiring minds aren't sure that they want to know...

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Darkode 3.0 is so lame it's not worth your time reading this story

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Overconfident much...?

...and a hard boiled egg?

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Spanish village celebrates Playmobil nativity

Anonymous Custard
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Or a new lab coat, preferably in black given her (approximate) age...

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Galileo, Galileo, Galileo good two go

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Meter.

Or possibly more appropriate for us lot, this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY

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BOFH: How long does it take to complete Friday's lager-related tasks?

Anonymous Custard
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Re: admin obverhead

You're lucky, ours is still in place.

That said its not the worst part, as we now have a centralised document management system that's so fiendishly complex that no-one outside HR/quality has a clue how to find anything, and they get narked when you ring them up and ask them to get documents for you as it's at least a factor of 10x quicker than trying to do it yourself.

Plus given how long it would take and the hourly rate that some of our colleagues are on (sadly not me, more the sales drones) calculating quite how much retrieving a given document actually costs the company in terms of salary paid for time spent could be quite amusing (or scary if you're a beancounter)...

Still at least we got the expense system simplified as before it took so long (due to needing so much admin and so many sign-offs) that some of us started putting the interest that was accruing due to the gap between bills arriving and the owed funds to pay them onto the expense system too. Amazing how quickly the chief beancounter can move when that kind of fire is lit under him...

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Anonymous Custard
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Ah yes, the old "Do you want to sit here talking about how to fixing it or just let me actually get on and do so?" chestnut. Especially when the admin and discussion comes wrapped up in a request involving PowerPoint.

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Time and money

Brings to mind the sadly all-too-often repeated mantra around here, from we coalface minions to those up in the ivory towers...

"So do you want us to spend the time making Powerpoint, having meetings, discussions and brainstorming about the problem, or to just actually get to work and fix it?"

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So why exactly are IT investors so utterly clueless?

Anonymous Custard
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Cheap at twice the price

What that, you say, you want to develop an app that launches apps for running apps? Sounds cool, take £1m!

Why does this bring running Android apps under WIndows Mobile to mind? Other than the price tag would probably have been more than a mil...

Oh and doesn't filing this Friday gem under the Jobs category seem slightly odd to anyone, rather than the normal home of bootnotes or suchlike?

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Lights, power, action! Smartplugs with a twist

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Chindōgu

You have to wonder if America has decided to reinvent/remake/reboot (in the Hollywood sense) the fun Japanese art of Chindōgu and are just messing with our minds?

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