* Posts by Anonymous Custard

1121 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

Google DOG WHISTLING fails to send URLs across the room

Anonymous Custard
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Full circle?

So we've gone full circle now and are back to computing accompanied to tones similar to an acoustic coupler modem or a ZX Spectrum loading a game from tape?

Somehow nostalgia ain't what it used to be...

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Doom is BOOM! BOOM! BACK!

Anonymous Custard
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I see your shotgun, and raise you a chainsaw

...what looks to be a Super Shotgun, the weapon of choice for the artistic Doom player

Nah, the choice was always the chainsaw...

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Anonymous Custard
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Especially when coupled with IDKFA

Just says it all that I can remember both codes off the top of my head after 20-something years...

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ATTACK of the DINKY DRONES! US military creates ROBOTIC CARRIER PIGEON

Anonymous Custard
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Re: IP over Avian Carriers

I was thinking something similar - this could be the modern miltary update of the well-known but often underestimated mythological transfer rate of a car with a boot full of hard drives or similar media...

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Drone penetrates Virgin's shapely space arse

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Lady parts

Sounds like Miss Piggy...

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Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Wedding pics

Would make a novel change from a toaster or set of towels I suppose.

Not sure the Bride may approve though, although would probably get the Groom's vote...

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BOFH: Getting to the brown, nutty heart of the water cooler matter

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Sir

Indeed, even brought to mind the classic spy spoof on the subject as well...

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Anonymous Custard
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And on a Friday afternoon too, perfect to keep you going until beer o'clock on POETS day.

All is right with the world for once...

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BUZZKILL. Honeybees are dying in DROVES - and here's a reason why

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Simon uses bees to make cosmetics.

Simon uses bees to make cosmetics.

Wouldn't "bee sourced products" or suchlike be more accurate (as indeed it's how he puts it on his website)?

You make it sound like he's mashing up the bees themselves as ingredients to make his lotions and potions...

Still a worrying trend overall though, whichever way you look at it.

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Massive police 'heavy equipment' robot drags out suspect who hid inside television

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

This story was brought to you by...

I just love the sponsorship tagline I randomly got at the bottom of that story. It was beautifully appropriate that a piece about a guy being collared whilst hidden inside an old TV and then outed by a robot and stun grenades was underscored by the sponsor tagline:

"Sponsored: Flash storage for dummies"

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BILLION YEAR SECRETS of baking hellworld Mercury UNLOCKED by NASA probe crash

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Re: Yet another stunning achievement...

They regularly seem to be able to make these probes last far longer than envisaged.

Ah yes, they just engage the Scotty Principle.

To quote Star Trek III:

James T. Kirk: How much refit time before we can take her out again?

Montgomery Scott: Eight weeks, sir -- [Kirk opens his mouth] -- but ye don't have eight weeks, so I'll do it for ye in two.

James T. Kirk: Mr. Scott. Have you always multiplied your repair estimates by a factor of four?

Montgomery Scott: Certainly, sir. How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker?

James T. Kirk: [over the intercom] Your reputation is secure, Scotty.

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Extreme community policing: West Virginia crook pepper-sprays HIMSELF mid-robbery

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Full camo?

And then afterwards gone rollerblading, hang gliding or any number of other activities that they apparently let you do...

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Traumatised Reg SPB team barely survives movie unwatchablathon

Anonymous Custard
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Personally I found that having read the book before hand just made the film appear even more shite, and got it turned off and something better put on after about 10 minutes or so...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Needs more Cloverfield

Alright, one for Lester to consider and throw open to the commentards. How about we dream (if that's the right word) up the ultimate in fantasy "so bad they're terrible" movies? With categories like:

Leading Man

Leading Lady

Director

Supporting cast (human or otherwise)

Plot points/cliches/twists that must be included

Soundtrack (with extra points for cheesy but in-theme songs to include)

With extra credit for taking source material (books, real life events etc) that were good, respected and/or well known and then screwing them up by relocating them elsewhere or somehow similarly feeding them through a mincer...

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Needs more Cloverfield

And at what point to we tell him that they're considering making a 5th one...?

One other question for debate - how bad would a film be which co-stars Ben Affleck and Shia LaBeouf?

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Why should I learn by ORAL tradition? Where's the DOCUMENTATION?

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Definition of " Expert" in any subject...

No, that's the definition of "Experienced".

The definition of "Expert" is someone who has learned from watching other people making all the mistakes.

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Sorry if it's an obvious question, but...

Sounds very much like the "document management" system that our HR hive foisted on we humble minions a couple of years back. That said we kinda got our own back, as it seems that the HR drones are the only ones who know how to work the damn thing (they were the only ones in the office long enough to seemingly be worth training on it, the rest of us being too busy actually working and earning the company income) and can find anything. So if we lesser beings want something we now always just ring or email them and ask them to get it for us (and if it's something actually useful we of course then store it locally for easy re-use, thus defeating the whole point of the original system).

It's always fun to hear their wailing and gnashing of teeth when they moan about having to do it, even when we point out to them that it's the most time-efficient way of tackling the damn system by a factor of about 10x. But of course actually getting a system that works (and can intuitively be worked without similar rune-chanting to the article one) seems to be beyond them.

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Round Two in Sky vs Skype trademark scrap goes to Murdoch's men

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: It appears (thanks to Apple)

He's probably running to catch the Clapham Omnibus...

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Ask the person on the Clapham omnibus?

I shall await the legal papers, and defend my dessert-based monicker until at least lunchtime, or I get bored or something good comes on the TV ;)

But in the meantime, have an upvote too...

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Anonymous Custard
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Unfortunately it's going the other way - Lync is (or was) going to become Skype for Business...

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: I can't believe (well I can), but all the same...

True, but given the fees and salaries that are also involved, you do have to wonder in the end who comes out the winner in the end (unfortunately it isn't people like us).

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Ask the person on the Clapham omnibus?

Since when does that matter to a lawyer on the make?

And who're you calling a coward?

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Ask the person on the Clapham omnibus?

For their next trick, they're probably going to be targetting purveyors of large open metal building waste disposal units and those who sell playground rope-based toys enjoyed mainly by young girls, not to mention anyone caught selling shell-shaped prawn cocktail flavoured snacks.

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Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Rename?

Well they could always rename it Onepe to match OneDrive, or perhaps even something different like, oh I dunno, Lync? ;)

And the end line that "...calls to Skype ... were not returned" raised a much needed chuckle here at the end of a post-bank holiday catchup day.

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UK exam board wants kids to be able to Google answers

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Speaking as a parent....

Just remember, these are the people who may end up choosing your nursing home later on...

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: Google Translate

It would be interesting to know if doing so would actually allow a pass, given some of the weird and wonderful outpourings that can come from there (albeit more usually with Japanese or German original text, but sometimes French too).

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Plagarism?

So at what point do the answers stop being valid and start being just plagarised?

Or can you just write on your paper "See Wikipedia for details"? (although I admit there's a risk of not getting an actual correct answer in that case).

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Your new car will dob you in to the cops if you crash, decrees EU

Anonymous Custard
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Re: How many new cars don't have airbags in Europe?

I must admit I'm struggling to think of any make/model of brand new car today which doesn't have at least a drivers air bag of some sort as standard.

Can anybody shed light on such a vehicle on-sale in Europe today? Apparently they're only recommended in Europe (link) but are mandatory in the USA

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Hawking hologram comforts One Direction fans with Zayny parallel universe claim

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Euler angles.

Which direction is the 1 Direction anyway? Does anybody know? Does anybody care?

With that lot and music, definitely backwards...

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Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: And on the flip side

Justing Who?

That would be a regeneration too far...

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Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse taunted with sausage sarnie snap

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Non-cooking bacon?

Ah, what those of us who spend more time in France than we would like would call Lardons?

Anyway good luck with the challenge, the pudding sounds quite enticing :)

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Non-cooking bacon?

Bacon 3/5 of a Sainsbury's Basics cooking bacon pack – 69p

One would have to ask what other sort of bacon there is aside from cooking bacon, at least if you're not Lady Gaga looking for a new outfit?

Anyway best of luck one and all!

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Tortilla de patatas

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Yum!

Well I did say it may be sailing too close to one ;)

In a similar style you also have French dish of Tartiflette, except it's with Reblochon cheese rather than egg to hold everything together, and that one does include bacon (well lardons anyway). Always goes down a treat with a pint or few when I'm down in Grenoble (it's a Savoie regional dish).

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Anonymous Custard
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Yum!

I think I'd find myself wanting some chopped pork product in there somewhere too (or just serve it with a few slices of decent bacon), or is that perhaps sailing too close to a pastry-less quiche?

But certainly looks delicious to me, might just have to knock one up in the next few days to fill me up.

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BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: "Is there another internet?"

And if you open up your network connections list, you can even see where you connect to it...

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HOVER ROCKET space station podule mission LIGHTNING HOLD DRAMA

Anonymous Custard
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Re: landing barge "Just Read the Instructions"

The next one is going to be called "Of Course I Still Love You", so looks like they're fairly confident of many loving returns after a firey departure...

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HOT HOVERSHIP-ON-HOVERSHIP ACTION: SpaceX ready for barge boing

Anonymous Custard
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Re: It's important...

Well the landing barge is named "Just Read The Instructions" and the next one is to be named "Of Course I Still Love You".

Both in honour of Iain M Banks of course, but it does show that someone there has a sense of humour (and good taste in reading material).

Plus if I remember correctly the Falcon rockets were named after the Millenium Falcon, and the Dragons after Puff the Magic Dragon. The latter would certainly count as humorous.

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Struggling through the Crystal Maze in our hunt for a spare CAT5

Anonymous Custard
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Re: half-full-glass possibility: I used to work with Dabsy

Unfortunately yes it's the second one. Or else Dabbsy probably has most of the el Reg readership (and indeed most of the tech world) as former colleagues.

The aquarium reference also made me smile, we have a meeting room in our Dresden office which the locals have christened with that name (with good reason). Who says Germans don't have a sense of humour...

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Wi-Fi hotspots can put iPhones into ETERNAL super slow-mo

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Doing so causes constant ubiquitous app crashing including the system platform. Rebooting sends affected devices into a "coma" state.

If you hadn't mentioned iPhone up-front I could almost think you are talking about Android's Lollipop downupgrade...

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Indian cops spice up protests with pepper spray-armed DRONES

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: So if you're going to riot

And if Winnie the Pooh and friends turn up, you're on a winner...

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RELICS of the Earth's long lost TWIN planet FOUND ON MOON

Anonymous Custard
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Alien

Re: So there really was

...and even more things to block the Martian view of Venus.

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BOFH: Never mind that old brick, look at this ink-stained BEAUTY

Anonymous Custard
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Pint

What shores? Mine's a pint thanks.

...and is responsible for most of my age-related deafness

And there was me thinking that was more usually due to it being his round at the bar...

A lovely way to end the week, especially when beer o'clock is nigh and I'm on holiday next week.

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Hey, Microsoft, we can call Windows 10 apps anything we like – you're NOT OUR REAL MOM

Anonymous Custard
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Holmes

And also by the same criteria, Win7 will happily run them if you take the free upgrade to Win10 (it's offered to Win7 users as well).

Wouldn't it have been easier and clearer just to say that you need Win10 to run the damn things, but users of Win7 and later can get that for free within the first year of Win10 release? Or is the article trying to be as obscure and confusing as Microsoft was in the original presentation?

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Lighty and flighty: Six sizzling portable projectors

Anonymous Custard
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Size?

Given that the major point of the article is about the portability of the things, it would have been nice to have actual physical dimensions for them rather than just for the last one.

I know we can get some idea of it from the pics (scaled with the size of the HDMI or USB ports), but a bit more information would have been nice to go with the weights of each.

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On 50th anniversary of first spacewalk, Aurorae light up two planets

Anonymous Custard
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Pint

Yup, you're quite correct.

There's a nice interview/article on the Smithsonian website (here) from a few years back where he talks about it.

Glasses most certainly to be raised, to these heroes past and present, and indeed future...

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Microsoft announces Windows 10 and Azure for humanity's implacable IoT foes

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Why mega/gigabytes of code for kilobytes of functionality?

Maybe we just need a re-application (or teaching to the marketting droids) of the two principal rules of engineering.

If it isn't broken, don't fix it.

Just because you can, doesn't necessarily mean that you should.

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Hackable media box based on the Raspberry Pi compute module: Five Ninjas Slice

Anonymous Custard
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Re: I honestly don't see the point of this,

Kodi already has a working iPlayer add-on. Runs fine on my overclocked Pi1.

At least it's working at the moment, until the next time the BBC change their streaming format to try and break it and other non-BBC apps like Get_iPlayer.

But I do entirely agree with your sentiment of having an "official" add-on for such things from a larger user-base, for all such stream sources (also things like Sky Go and 4OD). Especially in this day and age of things like YouView and other similar platforms.

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Anonymous Custard
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An alternative

For those who already have a Pi (mk1 or mk2), an alternative could be the Plusberry Pi case. It has most of the features listed except the LEDs, and is already funded via Indiegogo. Does have the IR for the remote control, but doesn't actually come with a control itself (although most generic ones should work, if your TV doesn't have CEC to do it via HDMI anyway).

They've been a bit delayed from their original shipment date, but are due to land at the end of the April according to the latest updates. Got mine on order, to replace the current Lego case that my kids made for my Pi1.

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Bride legs it from wedding after groom proves unable to add up

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Ah yes, but you also have to remember the first three things that the bride sees after entering the church.

"Aisle" - "Altar" - "The Groom"

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Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Arithmetic

Rather surprised I reminded her that it was basically the old school arithmetic problem of "how long to fill a bath".

In this day and age half the people would then ask you what a bath was, as they only have showers...

Or if they're being smart, they ask if it's quicker to fill it from the top-down or the bottom-up ;)

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