Feeds

* Posts by Anonymous Custard

917 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Schroedingers luggage?

At least you didn't get the gem that according to a friend who works at Gatwick security some of his colleagues like to throw in occasionally - "Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?". Apparently the number of people who automatically just answer "no" is depressingly large.

Oh and enquiring minds want to know - did you get the steely stare from his eyes or his mouth?

5
0

REG MAN penetrates GOOGLE'S LAIR

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Coat

Make it so...

Getting Google Glass to fit comfortably on existing spectacles can be a challenge

And even more challenging may be not to look like Geordie La Forge with an NHS visor...

4
0

Reg Latin scholars scrap over LOHAN's stirring motto

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Joke

Re: Any non-Latin in with a shout?

But only on Tuesdays, unless you're a penguin

1
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

You and me both.

And I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad that my own entry (in Latin - a subject I never studied at all being just a poor plebian) didn't get a mention or argument either.

0
0

June Whitfield and EE to old folk: Would you like a nice cup of tea and some internet, dear?

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Talk about making you feel old - I have problems with that one reasonably often (in part due to having at least two devices where the port is inverted compared to all the others) and I'm only 42!

I know I'm starting (ok, continuing) to go grey, but I think I'm a little too young to be a Age UK client, aren't I?

0
0

Apple gets patent for WRIST-PUTER: iTime for a smartwatch

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Please...

So it's basically a patent for the offspring of an iPod nano and an electronic tag so beloved of our judicial system?

Oh and "a "printed circuit substrate" (mysterious!)" is probably patentese for "interconnection wiring".

0
0

Ever wanted to be a Playmonaut? El Reg's Vulture 2 spaceplane sim reveals what it's like

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Joke

Per Ardua Ad Arbor

See, even in simulations some things are inescapable and universal truths, or at least universal trees...

4
0

THUD! WD plonks down SIX TERABYTE 'consumer NAS' fatboy

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Storage cost

@HMB - and I bet you didn't expect to be able to get that sort of capacity in something the size of a fag packet...

It still strikes me as mad that today I have more storage capacity on my keyring than the whole department had back in my university PhD days...

5
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Reg unit?

Come on, we really need a Reg-standard unit for such storage capacities?

How about measuring them by the number of copies of Paris' (or your personal favourite indiscrete z-list celeb) home movie or torrented box set of Game of Thrones it can store?

3
0

Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: "No if only I could use that just once in our call logging system!"

You mean you've never used the reply of "sorry, you've mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck?"

1
0

LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Pint

Re: How about....

Shouldn't that have been the motto of the London Pride mob?

0
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Only if we have a Bulgarian Playmonaut(ess)

0
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Pint

Re: How about....

Or given certain balloon propensities, more like

Per Ardua Ad Arbor

("through adversity to the tree")

3
0

Microsoft wants to lure biz users with fondleable Windows 8.1 'Apportals'

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Not a customised Start screen

So it's basically like the existing WP "Kid's Corner" *, except locked down even more, so they obviously think minions and drones are less capable of organising things (or more capable of disorganising them) than kids?

* Their positioning of the apostrophe rather than mine, as for me it is incorrect but YMMV

1
0

'Ribbed' for your pleasure: Jony Ive unveils NAKED IPHONE

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Coat

Transparent adhesive?

so the best fanbois with see-through mobes can hope for is a glimpse of a processor or motherboard glue

5
0

What the world needs now is... a Bluetooth-enabled baby's dummy

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Also perfect for the offfice environment

I think most bosses do need them on a fairly regular basis - mine certainly have a bad habit of throwing their toys out of the pram at the slightest opportunity (usually about inconsequential things when most of the bigger storms are their fault anyway and so get glossed over).

Such an alarm to know when their temperature is up and/or they're wandering away from their safe cubbie-hole would be most welcome.

0
0

Fridge hacked. Car hacked. Next up, your LIGHT BULBS

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Joke

Re: I should think that would be the Ti-D-Bowl man

Turdnado?

0
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Or some 70's bio-horror based in the Netherlands perhaps ;)

1
0

Google: Glass goggles are a 'fairly lousy surveillance device'

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Joke

Re: It is no different that following people around with Video Cameras

This brings to mind a favourite low-cut T-Shirt that a well-endowed female friend likes to wear. It has a square of very small text somewhere just below the neckline in the cleavage area saying:

"Stop staring at my tits"

0
0

You need a list of specific unknowns we may encounter? Huh?

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: @Dabbsy

Quite - in my experience people like those referred to in the article would have trouble recognising themselves in a mirror, let alone in an anonymised tale.

3
0

Microsoft tests HALF-INCH second screen to spur workplace play

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Workplace play?

They can also probably expect a call from some Japanese lawyers from Bandai - it's a net-enabled modern reincarnation of a Tamagotchi.

And we all remember how bloody irritating they were...

0
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Ahh, bless 'em

So at least we now know what became of all those bloody irritating Tamagotchi things from a couple of decades back...

10
0

Internet of Things fridges? Pfft. So how does my milk carton know when it's empty?

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: The internet of fridges

Hang on, Heath Robinson and Rube Goldberg were supposed to be satirists, not visionaries.

Somewhere in heaven they'll be having a good laugh at all this nonsense methinks...

8
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Joke

Re: Electronic Nose

You'd probably find if you opened the door it would walk/crawl/ooze out quite happily on its own and go lurk in a dark corner and scare the spiders...

2
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Heath Robinson

I wonder if it's coincidence that the BBC website today had quite a fun article on Heath Robinson (the UK equivalent of Rube Goldberg, for our colonial cousins)?

If there was ever a modern-day equivalent of one of his contraptions, the IoT Fridge is certainly a prime candidate...

1
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Devil's advocate says...

Judging by the interior of our fridge after Herself has emptied our local Tescos, having weighing shelves wouldn't work. It tends to get so much stuff in there, often stacked up, that it looks like a chilled but edible variant of Tetris.

Plus if you can only put stuff on allocated spaces inside the thing, then it'll also need standardisation of packaging shapes/materials (for uniform weight from brand to brand) which is a whole other ballgame.

There is of course the slightly easier options of a "to buy" list stuck on the door of the thing that gets filled in as things are used up (or getting close to being used up) which then becomes part of the shopping list, or of course just looking in the damn thing and quickly inventorying it before going shopping.

But of course neither of them are innovative, sexy or high-tech (unless you stick a tablet onto the door to act as the list), they just quietly work (most of the time)...

12
0

Toyota catches up to William Gibson with LED hood

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: What's a hood?

@MJI - be careful, you'll get strung-up for letting out secrets like that ;-)

0
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Attention getter

Looks like something out of the Disneyworld electric parade...

0
0

IoT cup claims 'instant' identification of what's in it

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Actually, this may have a use.

It could be a good use for the device/concept, but it doesn't need an internet connection to do that does it? OK so you may need to plug it into a PC initially to set it up (so it knows what to try and detect), but aside from that no further need for talking to anyone except whoever is holding it.

OK there may be an argument for an alert system too, but that's probably overkill (no pun intended). Isn't the only person who really needs to know the one who's actually holding the thing, as it's them that would be affected (presuming we don't go mug-sharing).

1
0

Move over, John Pilger, let us IT scandal-mongerers stick it to you

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Are you..

I thought the sprog possessed a rather scary resemblance to Saville himself, which would probably also mean that various incarnations of Dr Who around that time may also have had some explaining to do...

1
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: All rejoice!

And on the day of BofH outpourings too - we are doubly blessed...

5
0

Han Solo headed for lengthy stay in bacta tank after Bay Door Control cockup

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Alien

What is it about Star Wars and doors?

Not only too fast but also not high enough, leading to the infamous stormtrooper headbanger.

Probably explains all the armour when inside their own space-station (or is it a small moon?). I'm sure the Emporer's evil elf n safety minions would be right on it too...

7
0

NASA scrubs FLYING SAUCER over Hawaii ballocket mission

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Murphy says...

And why is it that whenever I'm on a project that gets such delays and stop-overs, it's always in some godforsaken place with grotty weather and horrible hotels?

Why is it never somewhere like Hawaii as these guys are having to endure? I'm sure that I could just about put up with a couple of weeks of doing nothing around there just waiting for the wind to blow...

3
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

If it's not a silly question..

...why not just use a ship to launch it? OK it's a largish bit of kit, but it's not that big.

Then you can more or less pick your launch site, away from everything except the ship itself, which can of course move if required.

That way also you've also got a craft on-station ready to recover the bits that come down again after the test (presuming they don't end up in a jetstream and go off looking for trees to come down in) and generally not add to the growing trash island a bit to the west.

0
0

US MARTIAN FLYING SAUCER tests above Hawaii: postponed

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Alien

Re: Bah!

Given the scale, I'd think Gort from "The Day the Earth Stood Still" would perhaps be more appropriate.

I mean of course the superb original version, not the dismal remake...

1
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Joke

Is it just my imagination?

Or does that thing look like the worlds largest and most high tech jet propelled custard pie?

Given my handle around here I have a vested interest in such matters ;)

8
0

Texan parks quadcopter atop Dallas Cowboys stadium

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Fuck me!

You think that one's impressive, look at the Arizona Cardinals one. Its playing field is on a huge tray, and after the game it's wheeled outside the stadium into the open for better growing conditions for the grass.

Saw a programme about it not so long ago on Discovery Channel - it's seriously impressive to watch.

0
0

The Force of tax breaks brings Star Wars filming to Blighty

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Odd synchronicity

I heard this last night whilst Episode II was playing on the TV, at the point where they were railroaded into voting the Chancellor (Palpatine, not Osborne) extra powers and he's going on about how he's going to use them to create an army and whatnot.

It made me chuckle at the perfect timing and synchronicity of it all. And it also nicely distracted from Jar Jar Binks, which never hurts in those movies...

You can make your own jokes at this point about evil Chancellors :)

1
0

FLYING SAUCER 'designed for Mars atmosphere' in Pacific US military base

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Joke

Our calculation suggest...

Our calculations suggest the unit would easily allow a plucky Playmonaut to slip the surly bonds of Earth and then some.

Yes, but where are you going to find a tree big enough for it to get tangled up in when it does come down? Still at least if it came down in the drink you'd have a chance of finding it.

In fond memory of our heroic and sadly missed pioneer...

4
0

New Apple iOS to help fanbois thwart Wi-Fi network spies

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Alternative Title @ J J Carter

Interesting, so why does Apple not use the software defined MAC address for the wifi connection as well as the scanning?

As an additional security measure, routers can be set up to filter MAC addresses and only allow known and approved ones to connect. It's how I have my one at home set up ( in addition to the normal encryption and passwords etc), as an additional layer of mischief prevention.

So if I had a device which gave a random MAC every time it tried to connect, then basically either the above would need to be turned off, or more likely it'd swiftly get the boot.

0
0

Brit lands on Rockall with survival podule, starts record attempt

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: Best luck to him

The question is whether he hates footie and decided to avoid all the World Cup stuff, or he's a sneaky fan, and took a solar (or wave) powered telly and stash of snacks for the ultimate in interruption-free game enjoyment...?

Good luck to him either way!

3
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Thumb Up

No longer f**k-all on Rockall?

Damn, with a bit more warning and preparation we could have re-opened the Rockall Post Office again!

That raised some good money for charity from Lester et al's run up there in 2005 - double-damn was that really almost a decade ago?!?

Anyway best of luck to one man and his pod...

1
0

Boffin fights fire with EXPLOSIVES instead of water

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: Hang on...

Do they not get Discovery channel in Australia, and so are denied access to that fundamental research tool known as Mythbusters?

13
0

Cisco reboots PC with $1500 'Scandafornian' Android fondleslab

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Joke

"CEO-Level tablet"

I thought this was the CEO-level tablet of choice?

1
0

Time-rich Brit boffin demos DIY crazytech WOLVERINE talons

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

Re: For Lotus F1 Team the winning edge starts with the cloud powered by Microsoft Dynamics...

Given how badly they are doing this season (4 points out of 4 races so far, for an 8th place in Spain, and half of those due to a disqualification of someone else) I wonder if there's someone else in Redmond that's nervously looking out for knives. So seems altogether appropriate for this article topic, and maybe an opportunity for our featured chap.

If it gets any worse the "winning edge" part may become false advertising. Although any comparisons between the fortunes of the advertiser and advertisee are strictly your own ;)

1
0

'Executed ex' of Norkers' bonkers Kim Jong-un rises FROM THE GRAVE

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Joke

isn't Thruth more a Chinese accent as opposed to a Korean one ?

Sounds more Transylvanian to me.

And it's pronounced Igor!

2
0

Multiplayer Elite to debut on May 30th

Anonymous Custard
Silver badge

There's Oolite, Pioneer and even a BBC emulator in ajavscript (which can run Elite).

And to continue the literary parallel, there's the Oolite Saga mirroring Oolite, plus of course Drew's Elite: Reclamation novel itself which is due out in a couple of weeks time from his website.

http://www.drewwagar.com

0
0
Anonymous Custard
Silver badge
Alien

Elite: Reclamation

There's also another official book due out imminently, Elite: Reclamation by Drew Wagar (writer of the Oolite Saga and several other worthy tomes).

Due out at the end of the month, and with the distinction of itself being funded by a Kickstarter.

Details are available from his website

1
0