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* Posts by Zack Mollusc

239 posts • joined 20 Jul 2008

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You'll go APE for our new Gorilla Glass 4, Corning reckons

Zack Mollusc

I thought the primary cause of phones breaking was the duhsigners caring more about looks than practicality. Silly me.

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It’s PAYBACK time as HUMANS send a PROBE up ALIEN body

Zack Mollusc
FAIL

The most depressing part of the whole mission is that it has taken ten whole years to refit the sound stage on Mars (formerly used for the Apollo 'landings') to look like the surface of a comet.

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Apple on the art of the deal: 'Put on your big boy pants and accept the agreement'

Zack Mollusc
Go

Serves GTAT right!

GTAT deserves everything they get for ripping off Apple's inventions - viz the material Sapphire, the concept of screens and the idea of glass.

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Interstellar: An awesome sci-fi spectacle – just cut the hamminess, please

Zack Mollusc
Meh

Overpopulation? Resource depletion?

Wow, this film really has no basis in reality at all.

According to the hordes of shrieking commentators on the internet, the Earth's population will naturally level off and resources will last forever. Stupid so-called scientists and their ludicrous screenplays.

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Eye laser surgery campaigner burned by Facebook takedown

Zack Mollusc

It was safety concerns that prompted me to get my eyes lasered. Hurtling along on a motorbike and being rendered suddenly blind by contacts sticking to eyelid or specs misting up was getting a bit too risky. Yes, I could have swapped the motorbike for a milk float or a harley (hahaha) but that would have been no fun over the mountain.

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Virgin Galactic vows to continue space program after 'serious anomaly'

Zack Mollusc

Re: Alternative propulsion?

You could survive the acceleration in my patent 'unfeasibly long' railgun.

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Steve Jobs' bio man tackles geeks who 'created the digital revolution'

Zack Mollusc

More research needed

Pfft. Idiot. The mechanical difference engine was designed by Steve Jobs, Babbage ripped him off.

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HBO shocks US pay TV world: We're down with OTT. Netflix says, 'Gee'

Zack Mollusc

Re: I can handle a couple more subscriptions.

You are correct, Ledswinger, in your assessment of the Beeb's output as ' this pile of state produced ordure', but it is still better than the pile of commerce produced ordure. I would rather get herpes from the BBC than AIDS, Ebola and XDR-TB from the commercial broadcasters.

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Same old iPad? NO. The new 'soft SIMs' are BIG NEWS

Zack Mollusc
Facepalm

Genius!

Well done Apple! I, for one, have never needed to swap sim cards in order to test or solve a problem and so I welcome the shining future where I simply need to either obtain internet access in order to configure the device for internet access or spend hours on the phone with foreign support staff who will try and blame my paid-for-but-not-functioning data plan on bad reception/me/my device/the weather.

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Apple hit by INSIDER LEAK: New iPad Mini 3, iPad Air 2 blabbed

Zack Mollusc
Trollface

Ooooh, new versions.

I bet that the new ipad is thicker and heavier (to allow a battery three times the size) and there is a microSD slot and a USB host port.

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Forget passwords, let's use SELFIES, says Obama's cyber tsar

Zack Mollusc

Works a treat!

I have been testing this system all morning, it is more straightforward than it sounds.

Example: You want to ssh into the server

1. Type your name into the login prompt as usual.

2. Take selfie

3. Convert the selfie image to ascii art

4. Copy-and-Paste the ascii art into the Password prompt.

Simples!

I do find that it takes more than one attempt to login but that just means more opportunity to take selfies, yay!

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Here's your chance to buy an ancient, working APPLE ONE

Zack Mollusc
Go

Buahahaha!

Easy money!

1. Buy Apple 1 board for $400,000

2. Pay Jony Ives $1,000,000 to 3-d print a white, rounded-corner case for it.

3. Profit, as it is now worth $1,000,000,000,000

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OMG!! With nothing but MACHINE TOOLS, STEEL and PARTS you can make a GUN!!

Zack Mollusc
WTF?

Firearm-related death rate per 100,000 population per year:

United Kingdom (No guns, as they are super naughty) 0.25 (2010)

United States (Everyone has a dozen guns each ) 10.30 (2011)

Surely there should be more than a 40:1 ratio?

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CURSE YOU, 'streaming' music services! I want a bloody CD

Zack Mollusc

Re: Like your mom said ...

Pah, owning a brewery guarantees a supply of beer. Paying for the right to have any of the beers in a particular pub is ok until the pub shuts down tomorrow or the new landlord decides he wants more money from you.

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Apple 'Genius': iPhone 6? We've had NO COMPLAINTS about our BENDY iThing

Zack Mollusc

Re: US-centric problem

I cannot speak for Dahn Sarf, but up here in the godforsaken forgotten wilderness it is all the Gyppos, Scratters and Doleys who have iPhones. The couple of dozen people with jobs seem to all have Androids.

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Alcatel-Lucent techie: Race for ‘5G’ technologies is 'ridiculous'

Zack Mollusc

Wouldn't it be simpler..

...to build a few gigabytes of cat videos, duckfaces and moronic tweets into each handset at the factory?

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Good grief! Have you SEEN BlackBerry's SQUARE smartphone?

Zack Mollusc

Hmmmm...

It will have to be good to overcome the crushing disappointment of the blackberry thing I was lumbered with in 2008.

It supported bugger all video codecs/audio codecs/image filetypes/document types.

The bastard thing formatted my uSD card when I put it in.

The new blackberry has nice screen resolution, I hope it incorporates some way of displaying stuff on it.

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4K-ing excellent TV is on its way ... in its own sweet time, natch

Zack Mollusc

Progress marches on.

Ooh, once upon a time i had an old CRT telly because I was too cheap to buy a flat screen telly, then I had an old CRT telly because I was too cheap to buy an HD-ready telly, now I have an old CRT telly because I am too cheap to buy an HD telly.

Soon I will have an old CRT telly because I am too cheap to buy a 4K telly!

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Zack Mollusc

Never replace DVD

When did you start buying your DVDs? Shouldn't the early ones have started delaminating and oxidising by now?

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New 'Cosmos' browser surfs the net by TXT alone

Zack Mollusc

Great Scott!

If this kind of technology exists - presenting as a normal web browser to the server, then filtering out all the javascript, pictures and audio - then the first person to release an App based on it will make a fortune!

Yes, you will still rack up the data charges, but the signal/noise will be INCREDIBLE!

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Govt waves stick at pirate-friendly Google search

Zack Mollusc
Unhappy

Theft

They can't crack down hard enough on these evil pirates.

I am CEO of an insurance company and, until this internet thing came along, we used to only deal with a few hundred claims for theft a month. Some little toerag would nick a Nolans 45 from the counter at Woollies and we would pay out the 50p that it was insured for, now that same toerag has grown up and is 'Downloading' 'Files' from pirate sites such as 'Napster' and the 'Cloud' and we are paying out hundreds of millions of pounds an hour.

A particularly bad case was when a 'Hacking Pirate' was arrested and the Armed Response Unit who had torn the street down with their tank reported that the 'Hacking Pirate' had used mirrored servers and tape backups! This meant that we had to pay out FIVE times as much for each infringement because the music was either 500% more stolen or had been stolen an extra 4 times. We never did work out which.

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Kaspersky backpedals on 'done nothing wrong, nothing to fear' blather

Zack Mollusc

not blather

It is completely true that if you have done nothing wrong, you have nothing to fear from state 'security' 'services'.

Unfortunately, they can just redefine 'wrong' to suit their aims.

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Need a green traffic light all the way home? Easy with insecure street signals, say researchers

Zack Mollusc
Meh

<quote>while it's not possible to force the lamps into weird combinations, such as red and green together, it's possible to cause congestion</quote>

Well, duh. Traffic lights cause congestion. That is what they do. That and cause envelopes of folding money to appear in town planners' pockets.

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TV transport tech, part 1: From server to sofa at the touch of a button

Zack Mollusc

Re: Virgin Media is great and all that...

If they cut my service, I will just cancel the direct debit and look elsewhere. I have an open fire so they can send as many letters as they like.

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Zack Mollusc

Re: Source Material Quality

As a virgin media customer, I can confirm the low picture quality. I see compression artifacts on my 28 inch CRT telly, so christ knows how bad it must look on a modern big screen. Fortunately, the content is so rubbish that I don't mind the low picture quality it is presented in.

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Stand clear! Will HTC's One act as a defibrillator for Windows Phone?

Zack Mollusc

I strongly approve!

I had an HTC One X, this led me to place HTC on my NEVER BUY FROM THESE IDIOTS AGAIN list.

Now they have Microsoft software as well. Super! It saves me re-evaluation time. Perhaps they could also incorporate something from BlackBerry and achieve a hat-trick of lameness.

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Gigantic toothless 'DRAGONS' dominated Earth's early skies

Zack Mollusc

fish?

I am not sure that the Azhdarchid Pterosaurs would have eaten fish. I have seen hang-glider and microlight pilots cluster near rivers and lakes and they nearly always ate cream buns and drank cups of tea.

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This'll end well: US govt says car-to-car jibber-jabber will SAVE lives

Zack Mollusc

Roundabouts

Roundabouts are only a short-term solution to the problem of traffic-light companies bribing corrupt officials into buying their products.

The traffic-light companies bribe corrupt officials into putting traffic lights on the roundabouts.

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YES YES YES! Apple patents mousy, pressure-sensing iVibrator

Zack Mollusc

Re: so just like...

Hahaha, I did the same thing with a 250 Superdream. Whilst ticking over on the centre stand it wandered all over the concrete patio (well, concrete back yard).

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Gov.uk's broadband boast: Superfast fibre piped to 1 million Brits

Zack Mollusc

Re: Lies, damn lies, and BDUK ...

' That's how it works in the commercial world. You lie, you lose. '

Really? When was this EVER the case?

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What's the point of the Internet of Things?

Zack Mollusc

Re: No convinced

I'm quite unconvinced too. You forgot :

- utterly fails to solve the original problem, but creates a bunch of new ones...

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BT FON fail: Telco CHARGES customers for FREE Wi-Fi usage

Zack Mollusc
WTF?

Free FON wifi

Er, if you buy the cheapest and lamest internets from BT, what is to stop you connecting through the FON and using loads of data? Other than billing cock-ups.

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NASA tests crazytech flying saucer thruster, could reach Mars in days

Zack Mollusc
Meh

Clean? Free?

LNER was never free and certainly not clean! Belching clouds of coal smoke and dripping oil all over the tracks is a more accurate description. You are an idiot.

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Verizon to FCC: What ya looking at? Everyone throttles internet traffic

Zack Mollusc
Go

Ok with me

I am totally fine with an ISP throttling my data connection, just so long as I am granted the reciprocal right to throttle the payments if I judge that am experiencing high cash contention at the time it arrives.

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SOULLESS machine-intelligence ROBOT cars to hit Blighty in 2015

Zack Mollusc

Re: can't wait

A huge beneficial side-effect of all this car-to-car communication is that the problem of different software and hardware and firmware versions from different vendors, all talking to each other swiftly and faultlessly will be solved.

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Stick a 4K in them: Super high-res TVs are DONE

Zack Mollusc
WTF?

Bandwidth caps?

How does streaming a 4K fillum not affect your download cap? Surely the bytes still have to get to the telly ? Why would storing the bytes before watching use more of your download cap than streaming the bytes?

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BBM beta comes to Windows Phone

Zack Mollusc
Windows

no apps

Imagine if all the parking meter attendants, petty beaurocrats, cold call salesmen, gatso camera operators, and all the other people who have blighted your existance for years got together and launched a mobile phone.

They may also think that the lack of apps is what is deterring you from giving them your money.

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The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

Zack Mollusc

Re: So right about the record player.

Oooooh, I shall. Thank you.

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Zack Mollusc

Re: So right about the record player.

I bought an N95 and much later an HTC One X precisely because the map data was built in and didn't need a data connection.

The N95 needed a software patch and this removed the map data.

The HTC One X had a patch pushed to it which removed the map data (or removed the app, can't remember).

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Zack Mollusc

Re: Admit it - You think it would be useful

Cyclists wearing Google Glass? Jeepers, aren't they satisfied with never looking behind them, they want to never bother to look what is in front of them?

They should lump bicycles in with mopeds, get some mirrors, indicators, number plates and protective clothing on them and have the bastards learn the traffic laws.

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The truth on the Navy carrier debacle? Industry got away with murder

Zack Mollusc

Perhaps the Harrier would be easier to fly if it had been developed over the decades?

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That AMAZING Windows comeback: Wow – 0.5% growth in 2015

Zack Mollusc

Re: What's to look forward to?

I quite liked the way you could load stuff into high memory.

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Use Tor or 'extremist' Tails Linux? Congrats, you're on an NSA list

Zack Mollusc

Official List of NSA Surveillance Targets:

Everyone, Everywhere, All the time.

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What's it like using the LG G smartwatch and Android Wear? Let us tell YOU

Zack Mollusc

Pfft

Phone case, £5

Epoxy resin £4

Glue case to sleeve/arm

Job done.

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Blame WWI, not Bin Laden, for NSA's post-9/11 intel suck

Zack Mollusc

Re: There's a big difference though

Methinks it was more on the lines of 'the government spies upon as many people as possible at any given moment', it is now possible to spy on almost everyone, hence almost everyone is spied upon.

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100% driverless Wonka-wagon toy cars? Oh Google, you're having a laugh

Zack Mollusc

Re: Great!

How on earth do drivers cause cyclists problems? The drivers in front of the cyclist are all receding into the distance, whilst the drivers behind the cyclist do not exist because cyclists have no mirrors and never take rear observation.

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Zack Mollusc

Re: I already posted about my skepticism in yesterday's Google-mobile thread...

They will be unnecessary in the UK then, as the proliferation of CCTV cameras has already eliminated Psychopaths, dickheads and mad cyclists.

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Zack Mollusc
Coat

Re: Are they hackable?

The car's black box will show that it suffered a sensor error and had to stop for safety's sake. Mine's the one on the LIDAR mast.

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Rap chap tapped for $3 BEELLION: Apple buys Dr Dre's Beats

Zack Mollusc

Re: Pffft! Idiots!

The same way streaming fits millions of tracks into a 500MB data allowance.

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Zack Mollusc

Pffft! Idiots!

I am working on an awesome new technology which will make streaming obsolete, it involves using some of the gigabytes of storage usually used for selfies and tracking cookies to instead store digitised music.

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