@Shakje

Shakie, old lad:-

Wasn't aware of Jobs saying that:- It's just The Phreakster's preaching (much like an ultra-fundamentalist Ayatollah), lack of reasoned argument and continued diatribe of undiluted venom makes me fear for the old loon's health, as he's bound to rupture something one of these days...

He does serve a purpose, though - as without madness we would be unaware of normality - much as without darkness we would be unaware of light...

Paris because she serves a purpose by making most other blondes seem positively intellectual...

@Webster

HeyGuys, lay off Webster.

If it weren't for him, we would not be aware of just how sane & normal everyone else is.

@Ash

Well said. The most reasoned, sensible, and brief yet straight-to-the-point comment I've read in a long time.

Pah!

More tax will achieve absolutely nothing other than to make the fat Jock even more smug

Addressing the basic problems (destruction of the family, selling the UK down the river, total open-door policies etc. etc.) which the liberal elite have spawned over the years but which they're just to dense and arrogant to see would be a much better move.

I have no more than 3 or 4 beers per week. I'm taxed to death by the fat Jock already.I do NOT wish to have even more stolen from the meagre remains of my salary just because Fatty is utterly incompetent at anything other than sticking his greasy mitt in other people's pockets.

Away with him & his ilk - then let's address the real problems!

Odd points

@Craig: Compassionateness??? Inventive vocabulary indeed!

Vegan? Is this one of Mr Hubbard & Mr Cruise's buddies from the planet Vega?

HOWEVER

When you see the hordes of feral "yoof", and/or the outcome of their actions, you can understand many people thinking animals are superior.

Yes, I'm a believer in animal rights.

No, I'm not a pseudo-terrorist crusader.

Yes, I am an omnivore, but I do buy free-range everything wherever possible. It costs more, but I'm not saving a few bob by condemning some poor creature to a wretched sub-existence - and I don't go in for weirdo slaughter like kosher or halal.

I disapprove of blood sports, but don't have a problem with hunting for the pot. It's the taking of pleasure in slaughter that's indicative of moral, emotional and intellectual damage.

Unless of course, your prey is the ranks of NuLab, any other politicians, and those smug holier-than-thou bastards who read The Grauniad.....

Then it's highly commendable.

@Fergie

Ian,

"Increasingly pregnant"?

I always believed pregnancy was like death - you either are or aren't.

Still, I can think of several I would like to see become "increasingly dead"...

Anorak please - a coat's not appropriate for me.

Paris because she wouldn't get the difference

Pressie Time

I want to send one to Mr Ballmer. Methinks 'twould drive him potty...

What jolly fun!

Aaww c'mon - let it go! Imagine the fun when Prez Tony starts to lord it over fat Gord.....

Either a fatal coronary/fit of apoplexy or a sulk which would make Grocer Heath look positively extrovert in comparison, and probably rapidly followed by a belated referendum so Gordie could secede from Europe, thus saying Yah Boo Sucks to Blair.

It's a prospect for the jolliest fun we've seen in years.

Alien pic is for one Alistair Darling. I have yet to be convinced he is of this world.

@Ian Hislop

"President Ahmadinejad insists that Iran is not a threat to any country. ®"

and I'm a banana.......

with apologies to Ian Hislop

Welcome back, Webster

Phreaky, old chap. Good to see you have been granted temporary leave from the place of padded wallpaper & Ritalin.

Love your rants - the web (no pun intended) is lacking in Fawltyesque humour such as yours, & I'm delighted that you've evaded your nurse for long enough to amuse us all again.

Nil carborundum, old boy!

Serious question

How in God's name did such a bunch of twats manage to get themselves elected three times in a row? No, I never voted for them: I was a theoretical Labour supporter between the ages of 13 and 15, but then my idealism was dented somewhat by increasing maturity and an awareness of reality.

I'm with "Anonymous", and, being a 1950 model, I suspect I'm a similar vintage.

Orwell wrote a superb salutary warning.

NuLab adopted it as an Instruction Book.

O happy day!

Mizz Andersen for Prez, sez I...

A hole

Plugging holes in a colander gives:-

a) A feeling of achievement

b) An enhanced sense of security

c) The impression that the colander-maker cares

but it still ain't gonna float...

A Christmas wish

Paris Hilton?

In a cryogenic tank?

Cool !

I'm getting a coat for Christmas.

Door & taxi for tomorrow, please

Look on the bright side

It appears that this government (yes, I know the term is more than generous) is doing it's bit for equality by employing many of those who are otherwise unemployable due to being cerebrally challenged (or thick as pigsh1t for the non-pc), or open to a different plane of existence - or, again for my non-pc audience, in cloud cuckoo land, away with the fairies, in la-la land...

@Phreakster

Come on now, Webster old boy:- you won't get better if you don't take your medicine: AND your nurse will be very cross with you.

Please get your jacket - the nice one whose sleeves tie at the back.........

There's a good little chappie.

It's taxi time.....

I suppose this Satanic car wouldn't be a Lamborghini Diabolo....

I've already got my coat.

Taxi for Ted...

Oh perlease.......

Let's not give Fatty Broon any more ideas for new taxes...

Doesn't the bastard screw us for enough already?

I might complain a little less if I could actually see any benefit - either personal or national - for it.

But there is nothing other than the slow decaying of our once good country.

Mixed signals?

So virtual paedophile behaviour attracts the attention of real-world plod (if that isn't an oxymoron).

However, virtual evisceration, murder, torturem theft, serial killing , creative sadism etc., will continue to be not only acceptable, but actively encouraged as doting parents everywhere buy Grand Theft Auto and others to give to their pre-pubescent offspring for Christmas, to celebrate the season of peace & goodwill.

@Pity and Tom

It will never be illegal to be either an incompetent or a moron, or even both.

Why?

Just look at the lawmakers both here in the UK and in the US (and to be truthful, pretty much anywhere else) and you'll see why.

For any government to legislate against moronic incompetence and stupidity would be pretty much like turkeys demanding all-year-round Christmas..

@Abdul encore une fois..

Abdul, old chum:- Youve missed a letter out: it's not BOOT CAP , it is BOOT CRAP since it allows you to boot a lovely Mac into what is basically festering donkey droppings.

Cheers, old boy,

Ted

Pathetic nonentities

Pathetic little nonentities: Gangsta talk doesn't make them tough: Acting like an LA dope dealer is not terribly convincing. It doesn't make them respected or respectable. What respect could anyone have for a potty-mouthed child? Maybe a degree of circumspection because he just might be tooled up - but in no way is that respect.

Respect has to be earned: it cannot be demanded.

If only there had been a ruling elite who recognised the value of a clip round the ear in years gone by, we might not be seeing children using deadly weapons now. Whatever the screams of outrage, it's the direct fault AND responsibility (remember that word?) of the dreadful social engineering imposed upon us in the last thirty years by a soi-disant liberal intellectual elite.Even political correctness is a more subtle implementation of Newspeak - removing the terms and ideas necessary for dissent - because these crypto-fascists of the left brook no dissent whatsoever.

@Pedantry

Thanks for your corrections, Chris and Teapot:

I have very rarely heard the term "advocate" without the term "Devil" being in extreme juxtaposition.

Can't be a coincidence, surely?

Never mintd the bollocks.......

We have a Minister for Health....

The NHS is on its knees...

We have a Minister for Defence

Admittedly, he's only part-time, but our armed forces are in chaos...

We have a Minister for Transport...

Look at our Roads & Railways...

So what will this newly-appointed failed Scottish Barrister achieve?

@Webster

Phreaky, old man. Good to see you back and on predictable form. Please make sure you don't get TOO excited, or your nursie might have to administer some of that nasty medicine again........

Incontrovertible

For definitive evidence of this, please see any of the many videos showing one S. Ballmer at any M$ gathering...

Allelujah!

Great:

Junk food here I come.

With a body like mine, nudging 60, I need all the preservative I can get...........

OK, I'll get my coat & Zimmer...

Where's Webster?

When is Webster Phreaky going to say this guy was under the insidious influence of an ipod, and it's all Steve Jobs' fault, since it's obviously part of a cunning plan by an Apple Inc. intent on world domination? C'mon, Phreaky old boy:- you know you can do it...

@Cameron Colley

"anyone know a country not run by power-mad, self-serving, egotistical, morons that allows immigration?"

My Dear Cameron,

It appears that being a power-mad, self-serving, egotistical, moron is a veritable prerequisite for holding political office in virtually ANY country.

Veritable Hogwash!

'Tis but poppycock and piffle.

Methinks these rebel colonial academics have too much time on their hands, forsooth!

If Ruth joins...........

Would it have to be a barbed-wire ring - big enough to be worn on the thigh?

@Gordon - Yes I can blame him.

".......and probably earns more in a day than most people do in a year......"

No Gordon, he might collect more in a day than I do in a year, but in no way does he EARN it. He is just a schmuck who was fortunate enough to have once been in the right place at the right time.

Shock! Horror!

But what happens if Richard Brunstrom (shudder!) gets the job.....?

I've got my coat, call me a ferry

(I'm leaving the UK)