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* Posts by Ted Treen

1694 posts • joined 19 Apr 2007

Be real, Apple: In-app goodie grab games AREN'T FREE – EU

Ted Treen
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Trollface

Jeez...

Google agreed to stop using the word "Free", closely followed by Apple, yet the header screams at Apple, in line with the article itself.

Has El Reg blamed Apple for Ebola yet?

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ATTACK OF THE DRONES: ‘Nefarious’ private use rising, says top Blighty copper

Ted Treen
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Boffin

@Crisp

Actually unless they've changed the law in the last few years I seem to recall that prostitution itself isn't illegal in the UK, although I'm open to correction (fnarr, fnarr).

However, what is illegal is:-

a) Living wholly or partly on the earnings of prostitution

b) Soliciting for the purposes of prostitution

c) Permitting premises to be used for the purposes of prostitution

Natch, in true Brit style, the laws make it impossible to legally indulge in a legal pastime. Don'ch just lurve lawyers?

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Ted Treen
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Childcatcher

Re: Or - STOP PRESS!!!

Fred Plod further went on to define 'nefariousness' as anything being done without Plod's explicit permission, or of which Plod doesn't approve, or which Plod doesn't understand, or which smacks dangerously of individual freedom.

Furthermore, it is Plod's intention to change the UK legal system from one where everything is permitted, except that which is expressly prohibited into one in which everything is prohibited, except that which is expressly permitted.

It is to safeguard your children and foil the terrorists, of course.

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Heyyy! NICE e-bracelet you've got there ... SHAME if someone were to SUBPOENA it

Ted Treen
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Re: I seem to recall

"...<sorry I woke up on the cynical side of bed this morning>..."

Cynicism is realism.

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UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

Ted Treen
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Big Brother

Re: Cameron talking crap again

Indeed...

"...an effort to “root out” extremism from institutions..."

Might I suggest starting with The Palace of Westminster?

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Adobe appoints former Reg man as open-source chief mobile lead

Ted Treen
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Pirate

Yes, but...

...if Asay has served out his sentence at El Reg, and is duly penitent for whatever heinous crime saw him incarcerated there, then surely he has earned the right to rejoin normal society...

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Apple expands mobile device management program beyond USA

Ted Treen
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Re: > [Apple] just made its wares more attractive to lots more businesses.

I got rid of my desktop PC, and switched to installing VMWare Fusion on my (two monitor) desktop Mac.

More space (room) on my desk, and VMWare is a damn sight faster than the entry-level Dell that IT seem to affict us all with.

Haven't looked back since.

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FUTURE ROBOTS will EXTERMINATE UK jobs – study

Ted Treen
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Big Brother

Re: MPs using pure logic . . .

They use fuzzy logic...

"The wants of the few, from the pockets of the many".

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This 125mph train is fitted with LASERS. Sadly no sharks, though

Ted Treen
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In fact...

"...all the other bits except the trains. Those belong to the TOCs..."

Not quite:- they generally belong to the ROSCOs (Rolling Stock Companies) and are leased by the TOCs.

Not only can most TOCs not do much off their own bat, their bat was taken off them years ago.

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'Tech giants who encrypt comms are unwittingly aiding terrorists', claims ex-Home Sec Blunkett

Ted Treen
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Boffin

@Neil Barnes

" One thing that would truly disable a politician is a proper sense of scale..."

Too many words.

"One thing that would truly disable a politician is sense."

There. Fixed it for you.

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Ted Treen
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Big Brother

"...'Tech giants who encrypt comms are unwittingly aiding terrorists', claims ex-Home Sec Blunkett..."

And I suppose those wicked stationers who make opaque envelopes preventing any old jobsworth reading our mail are just as guilty...

Although without "brown envelopes", how would our esteemed rulers receive their 'extras'? - so I suppose they'll have to stay.

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Apple strap-on wristjob: You WON'T be able to spend more than $5,000!

Ted Treen
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Jeez...

"...French Apple news blog iGen.fr cites unnamed sources..."

'UNNAMED SOURCES'???

Boy, that's gotta be accurate, reliable & trustworthy then...

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Hide your Macs, iPhones and iPads: WireLurker nasty 'heralds new era'

Ted Treen
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Unhappy

This operation...

...is following on what we've seen in the Windows world, and it's using the PICNIC* virus...

*Problem In Chair Not In Computer

There are some who, whatever OS they're using, will be as promiscuous (software wise) as a nympho at a Satyrs' convention...

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Greeks BEST in WORLD – at, er, breaking their mobile phones

Ted Treen
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Meh

Incomplete data...

We aren't told what percentage of phones (by brand & model) are insured.

There are many people who have an expensive phone, but because of the hugely expensive 'Airtime Provider' insurance, simply don't bother.

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RUMPY PUMPY: Bone says humans BONED Neanderthals 50,000 years B.C.

Ted Treen
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Boffin

Re: "Worst one-night stand EVER"

@Ledswinger

"I wonder if there were negative behavioural traits that are legacies of our 'minority ancestor'"

Of course:- How else d'you account for John Prescott or Gordon Brown?

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Ted Treen
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Megaphone

Is that you, Boris?

@ AC of around 4 hrs ago...

"...Damn those beer goggles... I was out the door so quick that when she woke up she probably thought she'd been dreaming..."

I didn't realise London's Mayor haunted El Reg...

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APPLE support doc CONFIRMS 'ORGANIZED NETWORK ATTACKS'

Ted Treen
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Unhappy

Re: How do you say?

Thumbs down for a schoolboy pun, FFS???

Why are the PC Brigade as dour and humourless as latter-day Pilgrims?

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Ted Treen
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Joke

Re: How do you say?

You don't: you say "There must be a chink in my armour"...

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Computer misuse: Brits could face LIFE IN PRISON for serious hacking offences

Ted Treen
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Big Brother

Re: Mightier than the sword

And "...the plan has been attacked for lacking legal certainty..." really means "The bill has been deliberately left vague so it means whatever we want it to mean when we come to use it".

Plus ça change...

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Post-PC era? PAH! Apple says Macs OUTSOLD iPads in Q4

Ted Treen
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Just askin'

Is Jasper off with stress, lying down in a darkened room?

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Hey, iPhone 6 fanbois: Apple's bonk to 'Pay' app IS GO

Ted Treen
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WTF?

I'm baffled...

Despite my happiness with my MacPro, iPhone and my iPad, this whole issue puzzles me.

"...register a card and then wave their iPhone 6 in front of a special near-field communication sensor and put their fingers over the mobe's fingerprint sensor..."

This is an improvement on putting card in machine and entering PIN when asked?

How?

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Routine WHAT NOW? Bank of England’s CHAPS payment system goes TITSUP

Ted Treen
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Childcatcher

Re: my money would be on:

It wouldn't be on them for long...

They could smell a halfpenny at 25 miles against a force 12 gale.

And they'd be there in a flash to slurp it up...

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Flash daddy SanDisk: Revenues up, but Wall St unimpressed

Ted Treen
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Thumb Up

Re: Analysis by Fantasy

Amen to that:- in spades!

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Martha Lane Fox: YEUCH! The Internet is MADE by MEN?!?

Ted Treen
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Alert

That explains it...

It's not her fault:- springing from the British aristocracy she's bound to be a congenital idiot...

All those centuries of inbreeding, don'cha know, old chap

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Sway: Microsoft's new Office app doesn't have an Undo function

Ted Treen
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Devil

Oh dear...

Am I alone in fearing that that wretched paperclip has been exposed to radioactivity or something**, and has undergone metamorphosis from an irritating add-on to a fully-blown app?

It will end in tears:- we're all doomed!

**You know - just like Spiderman, the Ninja Turtles, the Hulk etc., etc.

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Here's your chance to buy an ancient, working APPLE ONE

Ted Treen
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Terminator

Re: "So what can an original Mac do that the new ones can't?"

"C'mon Jasper. If you're gonna hate, at least be factually correct about it."

Now that would be something new, original and innovative.

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Ada Lovelace Day: Meet the 6 women who gave you the 'computer'

Ted Treen
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Joke

Of course not...

"...Women comprise 49 per cent of the UK’s workforce, but make up just 17 per cent of IT professionals..."

Of course - women can't...

1) Wear the same T-shirt all week,

2) Live almost totally on pizza,

3) Grow a wispy beard**

4) Move into & take over their Mom's basement...

**OK, some women can, but not the majority.

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SECRET U.S. 'SPACE WARPLANE' set to return from SPY MISSION

Ted Treen
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Hmmm...

"...a 22-month mission doing nobody knows what ..."

and "nobody" could include the USAF, if their track record is examined...

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Mobile coverage on trains really is pants

Ted Treen
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Unhappy

Correct, John...

"...you're in a big metal tube which isn't particularly condusive to good radio signals..."

And most of these big metal tubes were designed quite some time ago (when today's mobile comms would, if considered at all, have been viewed as sci-fi). They have great wiring looms running overhead; to one side; to the other side; in fact almost anywhere where they could be tucked away out of sight.

That makes the radio reception - especially at mobile frequencies - even more iffy.

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EVIL patent TROLLS poised to attack OpenStack, says Linux protection squad

Ted Treen
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Devil

EVIL patent trolls...

Surely that's tautology?

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Apple bats away yet another WiLAN patent sueball

Ted Treen
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Boffin

Patent licensing firm WiLAN???

Patent licensing firm??

Bollocks.

They're patent trolls.

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Ingredient found in TASTY BEER is GOOD for your BRAIN

Ted Treen
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Pint

Amazing...

An interesting piece, interestingly yet humourously written and one I really enjoyed reading.

Are you really Jasper?

Whoever you are, have a pint! (Only approx. 3,999.5 litres to go for your RDA)

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Apple is GOLDBRICKING IT: BEHOLD the iPad Glister-Slab

Ted Treen
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No surprise...

"...New fondler set to come in Midas form, whisper sources..."

Jasper's hearing voices now.

Inevitable.

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US Attorney Gen latest to roast Apple, Google mobe encryption

Ted Treen
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Correction...

"I should lose more of my civil liberties "

There are precious few left which haven't been encroached upon, all in the name of "Preserving our freedom".

And the powers-that-be still don't understand irony...

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Beijing says YES, GIVE US the iPHONE 6 even if it spies for the NSA

Ted Treen
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Holmes

Re: When you ask a question in the head or subhead....

Err, not if you're Jasper, and you're after an anti-Apple trollfest of schadenfreude.

You let neither accuracy nor journalism rear their ugly little heads...

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TEEN RAMPAGE: Kids in iPhone 6 'Will it bend' YouTube 'prank'

Ted Treen
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Trollface

HeHeHe!

Bet Jasper thought all his Christmases had come all together...

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Spies, avert eyes! Tim Berners-Lee demands a UK digital bill of rights

Ted Treen
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Big Brother

@Vimes

"...what hope is there for any of us?.."

None - I had hoped that as they were so pig-ignorant about IT that they would consider it inconsequential, but that was before they started to spout about "Terrorists" & "Think of the chillun", so I'm afraid I must answer your question with "Probably none".

Unless of course, we happen upon a latter-day Wat Tyler...

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Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT

Ted Treen
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Re: Comments enabled on 'Comments of the week'?

Nope, AC

The clue's in "...a mature and sensible website like The Register..."

El Reg has just discovered irony.

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iPhone 6: The final straw for Android makers eaten alive by the data parasite?

Ted Treen
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Facepalm

I'll say it again...

If what you've bought does what you want, and it's reliable and at a price you're happy to pay, then it means it's a good product, and bully for you for buying it!

It does not mean that anyone who chose & bought something else is an idiot, a dickhead or a moron.

Neither does it mean that you're a superior being because of your choice.

Whether you've bought Android, iOS or Windows Phone just enjoy what you have, and accept that others might have different criteria - all equally valid to them.

Enough with the intolerant arrogant fan factions of all types, already!

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Apple's iPhone 6 first-day sales are MEANINGLESS, mutters analyst

Ted Treen
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Facepalm

Re: A Samsung or Google paid analyst, uh?

"...Barclay's analyst Ben Reitzes, who said that while "response to the launch has been stronger than expected", the figures themselves should be ignored..."

Looking at the track records of a) analysts as a breed, and b) Barclays as a bank, better advice might be that Reitzes' utterances should be ignored.

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Will Apple give Chinese iPhone workers cancer? THE TRUTH

Ted Treen
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Thumb Up

Good article...

"But to blame Apple, or Foxconn, for a disease that we know can be brought on by the simple collection of migrants into one place seems a bit harsh."

You realise Jasper won't ever talk to you again...

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iOS 8 release: WebGL now runs everywhere. Hurrah for 3D graphics!

Ted Treen
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Pint

Re: WebGL Demo

You're right. That demo does look great in Safari under Mavericks.

Very nice - have an up vote & a beer!

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Israeli spies rebel over mass-snooping on innocent Palestinians

Ted Treen
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Facepalm

@James Micallef

And my reply was to the previous (AC, of course) poster (A joke, or some form of Israeli PR right?) and not a general or otherwise repudiation of the article.

His rather broad statement "The normal Israeli approach to the privacy rights of Palestinian civilians, is to subtly dodge the question by depriving them of their lives." also makes no mention of Gaza, West bank or occupied territories - it is the statement as a fact that deprivation of Palestinian life was an Israeli objective. That of course was the bollocks in question and not the article which gave birth to this forum.

Had you taken the trouble to read the two in conjunction, that would have been clear.

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Ted Treen
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Boffin

Re: A joke, or some form of Israeli PR right?

Utter bollocks of the kind usually spewed out by the Grauniad.

The inhabitants of Gaza voted for Hamas knowing their stated aim is the eradication of Israel, so they are just as responsible as the droves who voted for the NSDAP in Germany in the 1930's.

Hamas are renowned for siting missile-launchers, arms dumps etc. right by schools and hospitals - and even have their HQ underneath a hospital. As their supporters and fighters do not wear any recognisable uniform, pray differentiate between a terrorist & a civilian.

Is Israel supposed to just say "Tut, tut" to a daily rain of indiscriminate rockets?

The IDF uses its weapons to protect its people: Hamas uses its people to protect its weapons.

Awaits deluge of downvotes from the student politicians of the sixth-form common room...

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Rejoice, Blighty! UK is the TOP of the WHOLE WORLD ... for PHISHING

Ted Treen
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Re: Yihaaaa!

Or, when it comes to regulators (ISP & otherwise), it's too often a case of Britannia waives the rules...

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Oi, Tim Cook. Apple Watch. I DARE you to tell me, IN PERSON, that it's secure

Ted Treen
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Big Brother

Really?

A politician from the same system that gave the world the NSA and the Patriot act is now getting all righteous over privacy and demanding reassurances?

They're obviously cut from the same block as our politicos here on our side of the pond.

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Bonking with Apple has POUNDED mobe operators' wallets

Ted Treen
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Meh

Crazy.

Certainly here in the UK, amongst all my friends and acquaintances, I have found little or no demand for NFC payment capability.

It seems rather like 3DTV - hyped and drooled over by 'analysts', but in reality it's a technology looking for a demand.

Of course, your friends and acquaintances might feel differently...

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iPhone 6: Advanced features? Pah! Nexus 4 had most of them in 2012

Ted Treen
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Devil

More analysis...

I've yet to see any output from 'analysts' that bears re-examination a year or so down the line.

Opinions presented as facts, when they are nothing more than guesses.

And anyway, isn't a "consultant" someone who charges you a fortune to tell you the time from your own watch?

And a successful "consultant" charges you a fortune to tell you the time from your own watch - and then sells your watch back to you.

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What kind of mugs do you take us for? Malicious sites in spam scams target UK

Ted Treen
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Unhappy

Really?

"... the UK is bearing the brunt of attacks because its defences are weaker..."

Couldn't possibly be because it's DFUs are genuinely dumber (or more prevalent), could it?

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spɹɐʍʞɔɐB writing is spammers' new mail filter avoidance trick

Ted Treen
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Holmes

Re: And of course...

I'm suspicious of any message from my bank, and don't follow any link or download any attachment(s).

Of course I'm even more suspicious of similar messages from banks where I don't have an account...

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