* Posts by SRS

134 posts • joined 12 Jul 2008

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He's baaack: Microsoft's axeman Nadella to give Chinese staff the chop

SRS
Facepalm

Why the hell did Microsoft buy Nokia? I just can't fathom their mobile strategy at all. The odd thing is that Windows Phone is now pretty decent, yet Microsoft senior management is conspiring to continually grab defeat from the jaws of victory.

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Superfish: Lenovo? More like Lolnono – until they get real on privacy

SRS

If Lenovo (or any other PC manufacturer) ever did a true and fair audit of the crapware they install for 'our benefit', they wouldn't install it (I wrote fair earlier...) and they'd be back in -ve margins land. So unfortunately that'll never happen, and the bloat will continue. Like all big corporations, they'll hope it all blows over quickly. And it probably will for most people. Was BT really harmed long-term by Phorm?

But I'll never buy anything from Lenovo, and I'll be asking my work procurement team to look into this too and make their own judgement.

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So long, Lenovo, and no thanks for all the super-creepy Superfish

SRS

Re: What is it with advertisers?

@Neil Barnes: This is the problem: "Advertising *doesn't* work"

Some of the smarter advertisers know this. They know their jobs are less than worthless (in that a lot of advertising probably harms the brands being promoted), and built on a lie, and they're panicking, because their clients will find out, sooner or later. Advertisers and clients know consumers are getting fed up with the constant bombardment, but it's a race to the bottom.

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Inside GOV.UK: 'CHAOS' and 'NIGHTMARE' as trendy Cabinet Office wrecked govt websites

SRS

Re: This makes me really angry. Why?

Upvote for 'these Utter Hoxtons' - a fantastic phrase I've never read before.

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SRS

Interesting article.

Does anyone here have any other examples of websites, perhaps in the private sector, that have also recently gone through a phase of pointless, badly thought out and unwanted rebranding, leading to frustrated, irritated and alienated long-term users?

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HP Split: Naming the big dogs for new-look giant

SRS

Fantastic idea...

...and freely offered. HP have already got the Compaq logo and domain name as well as good brand recognition; I bet they even have boxes of Compaq stationery left too.

Just compare that with the rounds of absurdly expensive and daft corporate rebranding that will actually occur.

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Windows 10 for phones: Stepping towards the One True Windows

SRS

Although I'm an Apple fanboi...

...I have to say, Windows Phone is looking pretty nice. At work we now have cheapo Nokias running 8.1 (Denim?) and there are some really nice touches: add words to dictionary from keyboard suggestions, downloads of maps to use offline, tiles - which I'm finding a lot more useful than I thought, and the interface is very clean. So, so much better than the BlackBerries we used to have.

Having the send email button just below the keyboard isn't a great UI mind you, and some of the explanatory UI text is rather patronising.

But on balance, looking good Microsoft. Interesting times ahead.

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Samsung's spying smart TVs don't encrypt voice recordings sent over the internet – new claim

SRS
FAIL

From the Samsung Gear S product page: "Stay in touch and stay connected even away from your phone".

I now realise they mean stay in touch and connected to Samsung and your government, not to your friends.

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Apple Watch 'didn't work on HAIRY FANBOIS, was stripped of sensor tech'

SRS

Progression

August 2014: All tech sites: "This Apple iWatch will be sentient and will cause the collapse of the entire world economy. All problems with all other things will be solved by the iWatch which will definitely be called the iWatch. Literally every human being will own one and they will live forever. It'll run on unicorn tears!"

September 2014: "Announcing... the Apple Watch. We just invented the watch crown too! It'll do nearly everything and will be brilliant. Bye, bye Rolex!"

December 2014: "...er you might have to charge the thing every day..."

February 2015: "sorry, we just had to remove yet another differentiator. It won't have a built in Tricorder and Doctor. But it'll still be quite cool, honestly!"

April 2015: Apple's take on the Moto 360 is released. It's square. It has a choice of coloured and metal straps. It's a watch that needs charging every 10 hours.

June 2015: All tech sites: "OMG! Just wait for v2 in 2016! It'll be sentient and will cause the collapse of the entire world economy. All problems with all other things will be solved by the Watch+ which will definitely be called the Watch+. Literally every human being will own one and they will live forever. It'll run on unicorn tears!"

...and so on...

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Apple LIGHTSABERS to feature in The Force Awakens

SRS
Alert

According to sources close to the source, in the film, Ive wanted some of the stormtroopers to queue outside a certain room in the Death Star for a week or so to upgrade their Sabers (sic) to a longer brighter version made entirely of aluminium. A sub-plot was to be that the old Sabers would get slower and slower, then just become torches.

J. J. Abrams rejected the ideas: "who the hell would queue a week, then pay for an upgrade that did pretty much what the old thing did, only more expensively?"

Jonny Ive just smiled. The force was strong in that one.

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Microsoft's patchwork falls apart … AGAIN!

SRS

Re: A patch that breaks powerpoint?

Sounds more like an upgrade than a patch.

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Hey Apple - what's the $178bn for? Are you down with OTT?

SRS

Who is the miserable, skinny woman with the headphones? Is she anything to do with the article, or have you been randomly raiding iStock again?

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Bad news, IT bods: UK's tech outsourcing up 15% last year

SRS

Good news, IT bods...

Failed projects, budget overruns, woeful coding and implementation, all requiring your skills: Up 25% this year.

If you're experienced, and can quietly and professionally fix these sorts of disasters without saying 'I told you so', you will do very well in this climate.

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UN negotiations menaced by THOUSANDS of TOPLESS LADIES with MAYONNAISE

SRS
Paris Hilton

Given the headline, i must say I found the story's accompanying stock photo somewhat disappointing.

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$10,000 Ethernet cable promises BONKERS MP3 audio experience

SRS

Not just Audio made better, either!

I just piped Windows 10 down this hot slim beauty, and I got Ubuntu out the other end. Result! And well worth the $10k I dropped.

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Microsoft: Even cheapo Lumias to get slimmed down Windows 10

SRS

With an utter lack of scientific and statistical rigour...

...I'm a bit puzzled why the published market share of Windows Phone doesn't match my commuting experience, where I reckon around 10% or so of people using phones that I can see, are using a Nokia running Windows phone.

I also know of one or two large firms where the much-hated and primitive BBs are being retired in favour of Nokias across all locations, so I'd say Microsoft have turned a corner. But see title for caveats.

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Satya Nadella, Year One: Has Microsoft's new CEO cut the mustard?

SRS

Re: Fucking stupid ads

iPad - no ad blocker.

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SRS
Facepalm

Fucking stupid ads

I was enjoying the article, until I got to page 2 where some of the text is covered by an ad for some piece of fuckwittery called Intel cloud finder.

Was the ad moveable or closeable? Of course not. Even worse, it had a little 'x' control - the universal symbol for close - that didn't close the ad, but allowed me to give feedback, including (oh the irony), 'ad covers the text'. Bloody hell. Why not both irritate me and patronise me all at the same time. Who creates this shit?

Well I will never ever buy, rent, lease or evaluate anything to do with finding bloody clouds. I bloody hate adverts. Every last one is parasitic shit.

Seriously El Reg, apply for a lottery grant, put up a paywall, get some hedge fund gimp boy to invest in you, but ditch the bloody ads. Please.

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HP: We're gonna book $1bn worth of Server 2003 sales THIS WEEK

SRS
WTF?

"HP is in a quiet period"

That's a nice way of putting it.

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Does your mate send smut vids on Facebook? 1. That's a bit weird. 2. It may be malware

SRS
Alert

The only way you can tell the difference between a real Flash update and a fake one, is that the fake update is secure, bug-free and doesn't use 100% of every core on your machine.

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Wheeee! BT preps for FIVE HUNDRED MEGABIT broadband trial

SRS

"If it works it'll go nationwide, says telco's top dog"

Yeah, right. Just like Infinity that I still can't get in my area.

BT, or rather the part of BT that customers deal with, is staffed with sadists, dreamers and idiots. Their call centres are laughably and staggeringly inept, their marketing department is er... somewhat divorced (for want of a better word) from reality, and the remaining good engineers are smothered by so many layers of idiocy it's a miracle they get anything done at all.

This will not work and it will not happen.

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Apple CEO: Fandroids are BINNING Android in favour of IPHONES

SRS

"Only 15 per cent of iPhone 6 customers have upgraded from other iPhones."

If true, Cook should be concerned not jubilant. Parts of Apple's (and everyone else's) game is to push how desirable their new shineys are compared to the older now less shiney things that were themselves once the greatest shineys compared to the previous... and so on.

So the message isn't getting through that well if only 15% of iPhone 6 upgrades are from previous Apple products. That implies to me that although someone may well ditch an Android phone for an Apple phone, they can only do that once and maybe they'll never upgrade again. 15% says that's far more likely than I expected.

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Privacy alert: Outlook for iOS does security STUPIDLY, says dev

SRS

A list of topics we don't want to see in this thread, because they've been done to death and totally discredited:

"If you've got nothing to hide, you've nothing to fear".

"Privacy is so last century, get over it".

"You're not a customer, you're the product".

"It's free, what do you expect".

"Our nation's security hinges on this. If we stop a single terrorist, it'll have been worth it".

"If these large corporations were really untrustworthy, surely they'd have been censured by now".

"Better Microsoft than ${other_company}".

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El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

SRS

Could I respectfully ask J. R. Hartley to add a suitably pithy closing comment to this thread after he/she opened it so succinctly.

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Bill Gates – I WISH I was like Zuck and spoke Chinese. Yep, I drink poo

SRS

Gates is more concerned that these "super intelligent machines" will be running Linux.

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Horrifying iPhone sales bring Apple $18bn profit A QUARTER

SRS

Date confirmed

A source 'close to the matter' has confirmed, that as promised, the Apple Watch will ship exactly on time around April 347th 2015.

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HMRC fails to plan for £10.4bn contract exit... because it's 'too risky'

SRS
Facepalm

I'm going to 'fail to plan' for next year's tax bill and instead spend the money on holidays and gin. I expect HMRC to be wholly sympathetic.

I'll let you know how I get on, readers.

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FIVE Things (NOT 10: these are REAL) from the WINDOWS 10 event

SRS

@dogged

"Replying to an urgent text" - tell me you're joking. If you really do text and drive, god help anyone near you.

Do you send those urgent tweets - you know, the ones the world is so desperate to read - as well?

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SRS

"So was that paper-clip."

...and so was Bob. This isn't going to end well.

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Panicked teen hanged himself after receiving ransomware scam email

SRS

Re: Sad, and not good enough

Completely agree, this is heartbreaking enough to read, I can't imagine what the family is going through. Detective Sergeant Peter Wall does indeed need to pull his finger out, and rapidly - because whilst this isn't murder in the eyes of the law, morally it's as close to it as makes no odds.

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LEAKED: Samsung's iPHONE 6 KILLER... the Samsung Galaxy S6

SRS

"I've dropped my S2 from 3 metres onto concrete"

Why?

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SRS

In my dreams, I've seen the iPhone 8...

And let me tell you, it's fantastic! Everything you'd ever want in a phone and then some. The real kazoo! For some reason by the end of the dream it had turned into a bouncing blue rabbit that kept hassling me for carrot soup, and I woke up screaming, naked, on a train going to Slough, but before that part and the somewhat embarrassing court appearance, the iPhone 8 completely trounced whatever it is that Samsung may or may not release at some point whenever.

(c) 2015 BGR.com

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Is Windows RT not invited to the Windows 10 upgrade party?

SRS

My theory, if the Internet is interested

My theory is that the fine folk at Microsoft who decide on strategy and product delivery are so very clever that what they do and the decisions they make are completely beyond the ability of most of us to comprehend. Same as Yahoo! and HP really.

Windows RT is a case in point: most comments I've read on this forum have stated how Microsoft botched the whole RT/Arm thing right from the start and are now flogging a dead horse long after the whip has broken and the horse decomposed.

But maybe Microsoft are actually doing something really, really clever. I just don't understand what.

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Adobe finds, patches ANOTHER exploited Flash 0day

SRS
FAIL

Flash seems like the most bug-ridden and damaged piece of software still in use today.

If we all stopped allowing it on our machines, what would we really miss out on? Anything more than Ads and cat videos?

iPads and iPhones have got along just fine without Flash for years now.

Maybe it's time for a mass uninstall - get Adobe off our machines today!

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Free Windows 10 could mean the END for Microsoft and the PC biz

SRS

Careful with that axe, Nadella!

...he's already lost a finger. Nice to see him chopping digits instead of developers though.

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Tat bazaar eBay confirms: THOUSANDS of workers will be AXED

SRS

eBay should just put the to-be-sacked workers up for auction

eBay gets free advertising, the soon-to-be-sacked employees get their CVs out to a wide audience, and it's a transparent market for both employers and employees. More useful than LinkedIn anyway. What's not to like?

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Windows 10: The Microsoft rule-o-three holds, THIS time it's looking DECENT

SRS

Re: Read the whole thing...

I'm already completely Windows-free and happy to remain so. But it does seem like Microsoft is making a very concerted effort to get to where OS X was two years ago.

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MYSTERY RADIO SIGNAL picked up from BEYOND our GALAXY

SRS

Ah, the final feedback on the Reg redesign is now incoming. I'm sure it'll all be positive, just like it was here on Earth.

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SCIENTIFIC CONSENSUS that 2014 was record HOTTEST year? NO

SRS

So is climate change or global warming or whatever the hell it's now called...

...actually happening or not?

Can anyone actually answer that question with a degree of certainty? Because if not there's a fuck of a lot of financially costly bs been spouted.

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Firefox 35 stamps out critical bugs

SRS

Loved the picture of the fox in the article

It really helped me understand and appreciate all the words. But to completely eliminate reader confusion, can you also add a picture of a fire as well?

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CIOs: What jobs do you have to fill before you can get on with yours?

SRS

A plea to any CIOs reading this...

Please, please learn something about IT. It wasn't taught on your MBA, but it does matter and it is used in your company.

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Scary code of the week: Valve Steam CLEANS Linux PCs (if you're not careful)

SRS

If Valve is like every other large company out there...

Then there will be tiers and tiers of management, all 'adding value', a bloated and useless HR department that somehow just keeps on hiring regardless of the bottom line, an infinitely large Corporate Communications team issuing endless trite and patronising motivational messages, and about 3 developers actually doing the work on the product. Things like this are bound to happen. The miracle is that they don't happen more often.

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Microsoft & Paypal link hands, turn round and slap Apple Pay

SRS

Good news: now I can put all my distrust into one unified platform.

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Microsoft Azure was most FAIL-FILLED cloud of 2014

SRS

A downtime of 42.94 hours

That's Microsoft's downtime and doesn't include the overhead that customers would suffer getting their systems recovered and the associated business outages. On average, Microsoft's cloud infrastructure was down some time in roughly 1 day of every 3 last year. That's far worse.

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You'll get sick of that iPad. And guess who'll be waiting? Big daddy Linux...

SRS

iOS and OS X

As a long-time Apple user(/fanboi), I don't think it's quite fair to say that iOS (or OS X for that matter) have 'lost their way' entirely, but it is true to say that every Apple release now brings a slew of irritating user experience bugs and these bugs just don't seem to get fixed any more. Apple does need to try harder here.

I'm just pleased we've got past the Scott Forstall era of tacky, excessive and unwanted skeuomorphism (a calendar application with fake stitching, ugh! What were they thinking...) During the Forstall years, Windows Phone looked very modern. Now - not so much.

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Sony hack was good news for INSURERS and INVESTORS

SRS

It was good news for me too...

...because I don't like Sony at all, ever since they decided it was acceptable that their CDs should be shipped with rootkits.

I think Sony truly believes that their customers can be divided into three camps: known criminals, unknown criminals and idiots not smart enough to be criminals.

So I've had a jolly good laugh at Sony's expense, and I feel much better now.

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Demon Internet goes TITSUP: Outage borks ancient ISP

SRS

Ah that's why I couldn't get onto CIX today

I just assumed my dial up modem had finally died.

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What will happen to the oil price? Look to the PC for clues

SRS

Well written and interesting article as ever, but I'm more impressed you sent a photographer all the way to Stevenage to get the photo of the garage.

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BlackBerry Enterprise chief: Yes, we did leave users behind

SRS

Re: @SRS They're still in deep trouble

Despite the tone of my post, I don't actually want Blackberry to fail. Even though they've made so, so many dumb decisions.

But, whilst I'm glad you're looking forward to getting your Blackberry Passport, I don't think you and those with your tastes exist in sufficient numbers to keep Blackberry going. And for the rest of us, there's nothing compelling about their current lineup at all.

How you would explain to an iPhone 6 user (without resulting to insults) why they should ditch their iPhone and get a Blackberry? You might answer, "why should I bother?" - but If Blackberry won't make stellar phones, they sure as hell need some evangelists.

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