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* Posts by Tim

154 posts • joined 17 Apr 2007

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Lords told to listen to science on cannabis

Tim
IT Angle

Isn't it funny!

When cannabis is seen to be less harmful it becomes less popular!

Perhaps we should announce the healthy benefits of other drugs, like cigarettes, cocaine, meth... ad nauseum

Oh and IT angle??? Anyone? Anyone?

IT angle????

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US couple sue over McNudes

Tim
Thumb Up

The truth is out there!

Sounds like that site got quite a few hits, I reckon the pics have been copied and distributed to the nth degree. I hope they bring McD's to their collective knees!

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US intelligence predicts EU 'hobbled giant' by 2025

Tim
Boffin

The important thing is not an accurate prediction...

...but a prediction that will influence future developments in your favour. Isn't that why the "oracle" wasn't entirely honest with "neo"?

Anyway, predicting the future always changes the end result, so you can never be accurate.

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The Pope predicted economic Armageddon back in 1985

Tim
Black Helicopters

The best way to ensure a prediction happens...

...make it happen!

I wonder did he benefit from the recession...

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Vote now for your top net neologism

Tim
Thumb Up

I can't believe it...

...they're all so delightfully wrong!

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Beeb reprieves Xmas Top of the Pops

Tim
Thumb Up

Forget the top 40

Stick on some good old Christmas Pop.

It is a Top of the Pops *Christmas* Special after all!

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HP breaks Japanese excessive packaging record

Tim
Thumb Up

I'm gonna buy...

...a 42U rack, with a single 1U server! I don't really need it, but the packaging will be the answer to my prayers for my own home. I just need to buy a bit of land now.

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Does it feel good when I twist your circuits?

Tim
Happy

Does this mean...

...that we will soon have 'warp' drives that can store terabytes of data?

Will my PDA become my 'flexible' friend?

Can I have wraparound glasses with an integrated, bluetooth enabled, oled, display?

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YouTube goes spandex with MGM movie deal

Tim
Happy

Grammar nazi!

"viewers consumer their entertainment" Uh, was that a typo or did he actually say that? And if he did, was he related to G Dubya Bush?

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VMware launches someone else's mobile hypervisor

Tim
Stop

If I know VMware

and I've tested it, we are going to get a whole new rage!

VMPhone rage.

All those pretentious yuppy types will be showing off their shiny new toys only to find it runs like a dog with no legs, then in their embarrassement, they'll start beating each other over the heads with them!

Its a great idea in theory, but I think we need faster applications, which means trimming the bloatware!

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MPs: Fight grog-fuelled crimewave with PDAs

Tim
Thumb Down

Same old story...

Seems like everyone is spending all their time proving why they need more money, instead of really analysing the problems. If Al Quaida worked like that, the twin towers would still be standing!

Why do kids think its great to get drunk? They are trying to escape! Escape what? Escape reality! Is reality so bad? Well yeah, watch the news, all you see is how society is collapsing.

If we can improve things for the kids, they won't run away to alcohol and cyberspace.

Anyway, as long as the police have radios, they really don't need pda's do they?

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Halloween pardon sought for accused witches, sorta

Tim
Thumb Up

Justice at last...

And of course their descendants should be compensated by the justice system!

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Virgin probes Facebook safety, chav claims

Tim
Black Helicopters

Virgin Atlantic clearly have the highest regards for their passenger...

That's why they work so hard to clean the filth out of their planes after every trip!

Its actually a standard corporate policy not to admit to mistakes, I've had first hand experience from Halifax and 3 mobile!

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Designer touts 'super sight' sunglasses

Tim
Boffin

Oooh, exciting, but..

haven't "rear view" sunglasses been sold as toys for over ten years?

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Times: US about to deploy Space Marines

Tim
Alien

Why does it have to be military?

Wouldn't it be better to use this system for prepaid pizza delivery? In fact one could save a fortune in rent if the pizzeria was in a space station in orbit! That's what we do at home.

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Robot vacuum cleaners - now with grenade launchers

Tim
Boffin

Old news...yawn!

iRobot products have been serving in Iraq for some time, some personnel have even developed emotional ties to the (not quite autonomous) droids that have saved their lives! Less said about that the better I expect (ahem.) Anyway, the roomba, being somewhat more autonomous as it can be left to its own devices, can be hacked and its original payload can be swapped out for explosives and a heat-seeking module. Wouldn't this come in useful in Iraq? If only it had an all-terrain chassis.

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Wal-Mart punts industrial strength feminine deodorant

Tim
Paris Hilton

Hahahaha!

And where exactly does it say "Deodorant"?

As for the IT angle...the applicator looks technological.. don't it?

Paris, because she is a feminine spray.

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Channel 4 in Heathrow Playmobil reconstruction shocker

Tim
Black Helicopters

All I want to know is...

How did PlayMobil have the foresight to provide parts for T5, devil dogs and lesbians in their sets? Spookily well anticipated.

Black Helicopter...uh...coz it looks awesome!

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Trigger-happy Welsh cops taser sheep

Tim
Dead Vulture

I blame the credit crunch..

..I'm just sick of blaming terrorists. I miss blaming the millennium bug though, its still out there... watching us.

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Thomas Crown blagger recruits decoy dupes on internet

Tim
Thumb Up

How many copy cats...

...will copy the copy cat? Either way, I wish I'd thought of it!

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Full-size Roman siege artillery offered on eBay

Tim
Coat

Is Ox sinew no longer available?

Since when were oxen protected or extinct?

People just don't bother anymore do they?

Mines with one covered in Oxen blood!

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Coming soon: Spider-Man - The Musical!

Tim
Thumb Down

What? No credit?

That's the last tip I send!

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Today be talk like a pirate day

Tim
Pirate

Yarr...mistress Palin...

If it be fer jist the one night I be givin it to 'er straight over a barrel, all hearty like! After that her politics might be a bit diff'rent!

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Oz woman held hostage by pugnacious porker

Tim
IT Angle

First!

And where is that IT angle? Possibly the pig trap? New invention? Victim of minitiarisation?

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Mayor Boris wants 'WiFi London'

Tim
Pirate

Free broadband?

This is just what the dolies have been waiting for! Telecommute to america, keep your money in a paypal account and claim all the benefits you can from here!

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Amanda Donohoe rides into Emmerdale

Tim
IT Angle

I agree...

With every single sentiment in these comments.

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David Blaine does a Benito Mussolini

Tim
Pirate

He laughs..

...in the face of Darwin! Inevitably, Darwin will get him in the end!

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Noel Edmonds defies BBC's jackbooted enforcers

Tim
Pirate

At last, Edmonds has gained my respect!

Not a moment too soon either!

Does he have a tv? Or even a computer because apparently, according to the beeb, if you have a computer, you need a tv license. It says so on those threatening letters they send out!

Presumably because you can watch tv show's on your computer.

When I decided not to have license, I got lots of letters but nobody called. So I advised my (then) girlfriend not to bother either, (she's asian by the way, I'm caucasian) She had a knock on the door the following week. Funny that, isn't it?

What can I say but Yaaaagghhrr!!!!

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Oz pub slammed over 'No Undie Sundie'

Tim
Thumb Down

Help!

I'm being oppressed!

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EU slaughterhouses may get animal welfare officers

Tim
Paris Hilton

Might I suggest slaughterhouses employ ninja's!

Ninja's can put their devastating skills, to devastating effect and the lucky animal will not know that its been devastated until it hits the ground!

Paris, because there's no ninja icon!

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DARPA seeks sticky-goldenballs Casimir forcefields

Tim
Thumb Up

Hahahaha!

You wouldn't get dialogue like this anywhere else, that's why I love the Reg!

Imagine how this technology could enhance projectile weapons!

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BOFH: Back in the saddle

Tim
Pirate

What's CAT 6 good for?

Lizards tail, looks like its important but its only connected to cable testers which are linked to the sysAdmin terminal which deactivates a preset range of workstation accounts on Active Directory when the cable is damaged.

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Revealed: How the Beano de-menaced Dennis

Tim
Boffin

Walter's 'girlfriend'...

Does she realise he's gay and that 'homophobic' Dennis fancies him?

We all know what it means if schoolkids hit each other!

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Reg readers rage at comment icon outrage

Tim
Paris Hilton

Bring back all the old icons...

and add more variety to cover our favourite slogans:

I for one...

Twat-o-tron..

Daily Mail...

BOFH...

Coffee/computer collision...

PH because I can see past her looks, right into her bank account!

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Sainsbury's punts 'Innocent kids juices' for £2.99

Tim
Thumb Up

I love this article

I haven't seen it before so I don't care if its old.

Its funny so I don't care if there's no IT angle.

It made me laugh out loud at work, its Tuesday and people looked round...

...perfick

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University offers one-day Jedi course

Tim
Boffin

The Jedi Mind Trick?

The closest we can get to that is bull$hitting with conviction! That and mimic the body language of the mark.

Of course the jedi knights didn't have the awesome power that is the mobile phone, who needs the force?

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Northrop offer supersonic robot stealth raygun cyber-bomber

Tim

All that technology...

...surely it could be used more constructively!

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Hilton documentary reveals hidden side of Paris

Tim
Paris Hilton

Oh come on now!

To be able to make money without talent requires a lot of business sense. I bet she gets that from her dad... money and business sense... by proxy.

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'Water bears' survive in outer space

Tim
Alien

Can we genetically mutate them...

... to be 6 feet tall, without losing their innate hardiness, then dig out their organs to convert them into cybernetic armour for bipeds like me?

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Concrete-jet 'printers' to build houses, Moonbases in hours

Tim
Thumb Up

You can print floors, you just need to kinds of "ink"...

...normal 3d printers print with two materials and one of those materials is blasted away with a water jet to reveal the finished product. So if you want to build a hollow cube, its a simple matter of printing with concrete and um, sand I suppose, then removing the sand when you're done.

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Exposed: North Korea's taekwondo assassins

Tim
Pirate

It wouldn't be the olympics if it was dangerous...

...at least that's the general idea, isn't it?

I bet the assassin's used long range rifles, who needs martial arts when you're tooled up?

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World goes mad as Bill and Jerry eat churros

Tim
Linux

I'll tell you what I think:

After seeing that add, I so want to learn to use Linux, I want to learn Linux back to front so I can custom build my own OS.

The only thing I've heard about Vista that makes me want to try it out is the speech recognition and I'm not prepared to risk it, its probably crap. Calling India is a better speech recognition system, cheaper and more effective, unless they are running Vista in India.

Actually, that ad proves that BG missed his calling as a deadpan comedian, but then so does the microsoft fiasco.

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Facebook - The Movie! Exclusive storyboard peek

Tim
Thumb Up

Ooooh...

... El reg surely needs to set up a movie production company. At last, Blighty has its own movie industry.

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Columbia set to resurrect Ghostbusters

Tim
Thumb Up

Possible story line...

The original ghost busters are now ghosts, they are wreaking havoc on NYC because they know all the new GhostBusters weakspots.

NYC gets completely slimed and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

We see lots of young folks with their jeans around their ankles, standing around with iPhones trying to upload sightings into myspace when the old GhostBusters turn poltergeist and splat them agains lady liberty!

Now that's a great film!

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DARPA in Tom'n'Jerry robo-brain quest

Tim
Dead Vulture

Kittens...

...spend the whole day thinking about ways to murder you and your family!

And this bleeding, corpse of a vulture.

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Joss-sticks increase cancer risk: Official

Tim
Flame

No one has ever died from joss sticks...

... it was actually Chuck Norris, roundhousing them in the lungs and leaving no traces behind ... no traces at all!!!

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Cops cuff anti-drug ninja vigilantes

Tim
Black Helicopters

Not enough manpower...

I too am of the opinion that the police spend too much time on stopping speeding cars, and not enough on theft, rape or murder.

Maybe they are genuinely afraid of anyone more threatening than a sales rep.

The community can't be expected to defend themselves, they don't have the training, they need to be properly represented.

Can we have all of the orphanages of Britain turned into Elite Ninja Crimefighting Acadamies.

<Totally awesome Ninja style black Helicopter>

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That 'Elderly Persons' sign: Can you do better?

Tim
Thumb Up

I really don't believe..

... signs are necessary! Beware old people? Goes without saying, doesn't it?

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Logic-gate 'supermolecules' play noughts & crosses

Tim
Go

And they said processors couldn't get smaller

When will we see our cellphone implants?

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3 launches second-gen Skypephone

Tim
Thumb Down

A word of caution from a 3 customer

If you don't set up a direct debit, they treat you like crap.

Also, you may be able to set up mobile broadband but with their "fair use policy" which doesn't strike me as particularly fair there is a limit to how much you can use it.

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