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* Posts by Steve Evans

2363 posts • joined 17 Apr 2007

Royal Society of Chemistry requests 'Italian Job' ending

Steve Evans
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Ummm....

I could see the Royal Society of Physics (if it exists), coming up with this, but would have thought the Royal Society of Chemistry would rather play with with a more chemically interesting metal... It's not like Gold actually does much, or reacts with much.

Now if it was a load of sodium, I could see the Chemists rubbing their rubber gloves together at the idea of playing with that (whilst donning safety goggles).

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E-voting fears run high as election day looms

Steve Evans
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Oh come on...

It wouldn't be an American election if the voters actually got the candidate the majority of them voted for!

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Fancy nipping for a quick two-thirds of a pint?

Steve Evans
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Honestly...

Do these tw*ts really have nothing better to do?!

How did the meeting going "Right guys, we haven't had our name in print for several months, we need to come up with something to prove that we still exists, get us some column multiple of 25.4mm and generally keep us in a job for the next 12 months".

How about just sort out the pricing so that a half is *HALF* the price of a pint. Then take this to Europe too... The other week I was paying 85p for a large and 76p for a small in Poland. Outrageous!

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Intel badmouths Jesus Phone

Steve Evans
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LOL!

I smell fear...

I think Intel has just noticed that mobile devices are coming on fast, and that they don't have a processor anywhere near as useful as the ARM. Look at the Nintendo DS, it's several years old, two screens, touch screen, wifi, and has *two* ARM CPUs all run from a tiny little battery.

Try that with Intel gear and you'll need a pocket full of batteries even for a short train journey.

Intel, stick to what you're good at, big number crunchers, the mobile device is a different ball game, and ARM have been playing on this court for years.

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Taliban extends mobile shutdown order

Steve Evans
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Black Helicopters

Well if nothing else...

... you can track them by just waiting for where they order masts turned off... For example in this area for the next 10 days!

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Take a Windows HPC test drive

Steve Evans
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54TB?

Is that all?

I hope you've the units wrong!

If not, that's pretty crap! Given that consumer 1TB drives are now less than £100, did IBM really only spend £5k on the storage media?

(Yes I know industrial grade server drives cost more, but I assumed IBM had some buying clout!).

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Hands on with the T-Mobile G1

Steve Evans
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Firmware update to do photo zoom?

I assume you're talking about digital zoom then? Which, lets face it, is pointless... You're just cropping the number of pixels down on the phone instead of on photoshop when you get home. The only zoom worth having is optical, and I've yet to see a phone with one, it's a tad tricky to fit into a slim chassis.

On a phone camera you can just hope for the most pixels you can get, and a good flash.

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(Former) gambling site worker cops to ID theft

Steve Evans
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A Nigerian...

I'll try to act shocked!

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Today be talk like a pirate day

Steve Evans
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Pirate

@Edward

Aye, I be comin' 'ere to say just that m'self.

I say we make 'em walk the plank on the point of me trusty ol' cutlass.

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Anonymous hacks Sarah Palin's Yahoo! account

Steve Evans
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Nothing serious exposed...?

Except maybe..

"Lately I just pray may God's will be done. I am trying to learn patience and listen to God."

So she either listens to a voice in her own head, or the opinion of a man listening to the voice in his head and wearing a dress every Sunday...

Sound pretty bloody worrying to me!

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OMFG, what have you done?

Steve Evans
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Fixed width?

I think there is a law somewhere saying that the name of Sir Tim B-L isn't allowed to be displayed on a width dependant web design.

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OiNK BitTorrent admin faces fraud prosecution

Steve Evans
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@pat

It's a hard definition to make, even for the technically minded, let alone a judge.

With Bittorrent, once you have one block of the file you are downloading, you will then be an uploader of that block to other people. The more blocks you get, the more of the file you will be uploading to others. You'll be uploading complete blocks to others within a few minute of starting to download something.

Once you have the whole file, you become a seed. The only difference between you as a seed, and you as a peer earlier is a seed has the complete file, so you're uploading only.

Who the original seed was isn't important, to all intents and purposes it could be you. You're now offering the entire file for sharing.

So unless you sit on your PC waiting, and remove it from your bit torrent client the moment it completes, you will become a seed as soon as the download finishes.

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BT's Mayfair exchange downed by burglary

Steve Evans
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Fibre?

Who on earth nicks that?

Maybe Virgin are finally going to increase the coverage of their cable network.

Although the incident does give a rough indication of BTs fault detection system. Alarms go off in another building, note left for engineers to investigate in the morning. Night shift go back to sleep again.

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Academic wants to 'free up' English spelling

Steve Evans
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Typical (tipecal?)

The continued downfall of civilisation continues.

For years the mathematics exams have been getting easier as the teachers fail to compete for attention with TV and games consoles. It was only a matter of time before some idiot decided to make the language easier.

Can we quickly form an academy Anglais, shoot this idiot, and then dissolve the academy again please.

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I was a government guinea pig, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Steve Evans
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I can help with the obesity...

Stop eating so much!

Nobody needs a 48oz steak, 4 pints of cola etc.

Hell I couldn't eat a 48oz steak even if I wanted to!

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Holiday text messages to cost less than 9p

Steve Evans
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@David Webb

I don't think this really has much to do with profit. I would imagine that the income from roamed charges would be a tiny sliver of a percent compared to the home usage profits. Especially as the moment you stay in a country for more than a couple of weeks, the sensible among us go out and buy a pay-as-you-go sim.

Given a text message is limited to 160characters, even the home network price per byte is horrendous!

Personally I save up all my messages and photos home, and then send them out on the next open wifi point I find as emails.

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Intel adds cheap dual-core, quad-core chips

Steve Evans
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Paris Hilton

My head hurts...

I remember the arguments against using cpu speed in the model number, but since it's all gone Ennnn and Qnnnn (where nnnn is a pseudo random number), I've completely lost the plot!

All I know is my two desktops are E6600 and Q6600, so the same core2, running at 2.4Ghz, just one machine has 2 cores, the other 4... Where all these new weird and wonderful models fit in around these old chips is a complete mystery to me!

It used to be that the bigger the number, the better the chip, but that doesn't seem to hold true anymore, especially with the seemingly random L2 cache amounts.

If you're not building machines 24/7, and look away from the CPU models for a month, I challenge anyone to know what the hell is going on!

As for AMD, I lost the plot on those just after the X2 range appeared!

If anyone has a simple way (i.e. fits on one page) of explaining these model numbers I'd be very interested in seeing it.

Paris, cos it makes her head hurt too.

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Google cedes Belgium to Germany

Steve Evans
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Oh dear...

If I was a Pole I'd be slightly concerned about Germany's expansion under Czech and Slovak republics, I think they might be going to sneak in from the South this time...

Although I would actually quite enjoy watching a Panzer trying to negotiate the Tatras!

Then again, having sampled Slovakian mountain roads earlier this year, I think a tracked vehicle might actually be for the best!

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Hello, this is Oracle - we're not in right now

Steve Evans
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Damn...

I would have much preferred to see a webpage with a DB error on it... That would have been far more amusing.

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Cloned US ATM cards: Can they fool Brit self-service checkouts?

Steve Evans
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Pah

Yes APACS, sure this specific kind of crime will be stopped when the USA goes chip and pin, in that both the owner country of the card, and the UK support chip and pin... But you're avoiding the bigger issue.

To perform this kind of fraud you only need to find a retailer in a country that doesn't do chip and pin... and you don't have to go very far either... So take your copied USA or UK card over to Europe and go shopping!

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Asus' own Eee-beater spied on web

Steve Evans
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careful...

..about guessing features from LEDs and Ports... The original Eee had an RJ11 and no modem (an oversight that lost them 4 sales that I know of).

You try finding a USB modem that works with Linux!

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Watchdog hits 070 swindlers with big fine

Steve Evans
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Why...

...do they have to keep messing up the numbers...

When mobiles first came out in the UK they had 08 numbers, and 0898 was a premium, so confusion reigned.

Then they sorted out the numbers, made 01 and 02 geographic, 07 mobiles and 08 non standard call rate (aka, beware!)

It's no shock that someone having an 07 number to call thinks it's just a mobile.

What idiot regulator allows all the chaos of tidying up the numbers into a logical range, only to let them get f*cked up again within 10 years!

Morons, the lot of them!

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Apple preps patch for 'problematic 3G' iPhone?

Steve Evans
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@AppleHaveNoRespectForTheirCustomers

"To add insult to injury he told me there is no way to complain to Apple"

Well in the UK there is. It's called the sale of goods act and includes such lovely terms as...

"Unfit for purpose", aka a phone that doesn't do phone calls.

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Three-alarm fire bakes Apple facility

Steve Evans
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So was it....

A Li-Ion battery or an Nvidia chipset?

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Forgot your ID? You must be a terrorist

Steve Evans
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Paris Hilton

Actually...

I like this idea...

Black list forgetful people...

Then black list all those who wait until they are standing in front of the xray machine before removing their belt and shoes, even though it's been obvious to a blind man 30 people back in the queue that taking them off before smooths things out.

Then black list the people who haven't worked out that if you empty all your change, keys, phone etc into your coat pocket whilst queuing, you can just chuck your coat, the shoes and the belt through the machine and then grab them at the other side instead of fumbling about with those little trays.

Oh, and black list those who have stomachs that ooze over the armrests on both side, or at least make them pay for two seats and/or the excess baggage rate!

Then, airline travel might be slightly more bearable.

Not that I'm ever going to fly to the USA, with my common surname I'm bound to get the rubber glove!

Paris, cos she doesn't leave anything concealed about her person.

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Dell thinks young and colorful with business notebook refresh

Steve Evans
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@Peter Gathercole

/me types away on his Thinkpad R52 enjoying 1400x1050 of glorious pixels.

I find widescreens are like working whilst looking through a letter box. Give me vertical resolution! If I wanted to waste space on the sides I'd use vista and turn the sidebar on!

I used to have an A30 with the same size screen, there's no going back, using anything less just feels like I'm using a cheap laptop with only 800x600.

It does kind of restrict the choice on new laptops though.

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Steve Evans
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Coat

Maybe...

...the E4200 will be EEE killer for £200.

Nah, okay, I won't be holding my breath!

Would be nice though... 12.1" display, 64Gig flash, core 2 cpu... Hmmmm...

Mines the one with the reality warping field generator accidentally left on in the pocket.

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The IT Crowd goes west

Steve Evans
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Flame

Just remember...

0118 999 881 999 119 725...

3

(For some reason just numerics don't count as a comment on here, so I've had to add thsi waffle... Please feel free to ignore)

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Dell to launch 'Eee PC beater' today

Steve Evans
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I was curious so...

I went to the dell website (convinced that the UK site would be several months behind, I decided to hit www.dell.com).

On the front page there are 3 boxes along the bottom, ones says "Headlines"

That looks promising... So I click the picture of the 2 laptops shown at the top of that box...

"The page you requested may no longer exist on Dell.com

* There may be a misspelling in the URL you have entered

* The page or file you are looking for has been moved, retired or is no longer available"

Ahhh... normal dell service has resumed!

The URL for the curious/bored is...

http://www.dell.com/content/topics/global.aspx/corp/pressoffice/en/2008/2008_08_12_rr_000?c=us&l=en&s=corp

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Ohio official sues e-vote vendor for sloppy counting

Steve Evans
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Diebold...

I saw a Diebold cash machine in Slovakia earlier this year, I needed some cash, but I decided to wait until I found one who's ability to count wasn't in question.

I know it could have worked in my favour too, but I didn't fancy the long distance calls to my bank in the UK (okay, their call centre in India via the UK number) if it went against me!

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GPS tracking slapped on laptop recovery service

Steve Evans
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@S-J White

Thanks for the picture... Now they know what to look for and remove!

I hope that's a double bluff and it looks nothing like it...

How about this for an idea...

Given that world + dog is going flash drive crazy, and you can now buy a flash drive that is the same size/fixing as a 2.5" sata drive (but no real need to use that amount of space), how about GPS embedded inside that housing... It will look just like a laptop hard drive... :-)

Idea (c) me, 8th August 2008. :-p

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Steve Evans
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@Anonymous Coward

"Yes, it is. I was sitting in my house and got 5 satellites on my N95."

I can't get any sat lock inside my house on my N95...

I all depends how solid your house is... and if it's got a shed load of metal techie things in the attic :-)

As someone else mentioned, the techie savvy way of nicking a laptop will become...

1) Grab laptop

2) Jump on tube train (bye bye GPS)

3) Remove battery

4) Head towards nearest "safe house"

5) Check laptop for GPS device

6) List on ebay

"Safe house" is defined as anywhere a GPS doesn't work, for example any tower block flat with a couple of floors above, or a nice old Victorian house with a basement. Just keep away from the windows - linux only then :o)

I hope the tracking service returns the altitude from the GPS too, otherwise a raid on every floor of Nelson Mandela House, Peckham is going to take quite a while!

Also given the cops track record for prosecuting anyone with a meaningful sentence that might actually deter them (aka not community service for a 27th offence), maybe a slight design fault in the laptop could accidentally release some kind of lethal gas... or maybe a thin film of explosive under the keyboard could actually remove the light fingers they are afflicted with!

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Boris boots Transys off Oyster contract

Steve Evans
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Eh?

"The London transport system has changed dramatically over the past ten years."

Really...Can't say I've noticed... It's still overcrowded old tube trains in victorian tunnels.

The only new thing has been the exploding bendy buses!

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Wind farm wound down on air traffic fears

Steve Evans
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WTF?

How low are these planes coming in over Reading?

It can't be much of a hazard to planes if they're suggesting going for five windmills instead of six.

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Kiwi cops hunt teenage serial burglar with head of Robbie Coltrane

Steve Evans
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@adnim

Maybe it would be okay if the artist impression was of someone else entirely, but just happened to bear an uncanny likeness to the little oik they're seeking... ;-)

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American man too fat for execution

Steve Evans
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Who runs the prison kitchens?

MacDonalds?

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Analysts slam iPhone security and battery life

Steve Evans
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You have to wonder...

...what planet the Apple mob are from... Sure they have come out with some innovative products in the past, but surely when entering a packed market such as mobile phones, the sensible thing would be to know your enemy. "Acquire" a few of the models from the competition, play with them, pinch ideas, nothing wrong with that.

Yet when the iPhone arrives it looks like all they've done is looked up "mobile phone" in the dictionary. It has a joke of a camera and pitiful sms support, the kind that any other mobile grabbed from the landfill could easily beat. Up until now I didn't know it lacked a clipboard, something I've enjoyed on Symbian handsets since the Nokia 6600 which dates back to when you could fill your car with fuel without extending the overdraft!

Apple, stop pandering to the fanboiz, who'd buy a turd with a fruit stamped on it, and do a little market research. You have a nice looking phone, it has a nice interface, but how about backing that up with a little bit of technical ability and get it to do the basics that world+dog has been doing for years.

Mines the flameproof one.

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German medical team arms man, twice

Steve Evans
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And bang...

...goes biometrics relying on finger prints!

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iPhone 3G not compatible with existing accessories

Steve Evans
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Missed opportunity...

Come on Apple, you've missed sales opportunity here... (Now I never thought I'd say that!)

You should have connected the 12v pins to something critical inside so the iPhone exploded. You're in the clear because you did warn everyone not to use them a few years ago. For the fanboiz this will be akin to removing an alcoholics liver, and have them running for their nearest iPhone stockest for a new "fix".

Mine's the one with the Nokia in the pocket :o)

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Lateral thought saves sizzling server

Steve Evans
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Ah, sounds familiar...

I had a machine that suffered from sunburn too..

My favourite weird one was the machine that would never crash when left on it's own.

I could access it remotely, and run it's little cpu 100% 24/7, no problem at all.

But if I sat down at the desk with it, within an hour it would crash.

Until the one day it didn't... The one day I used it for hours whilst sitting at the desk, and it didn't put a foot wrong. The one day when my mobile phone was off being repaired!

Since then I've never owned a PC with a plastic case.

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US man cuffed for executing lawnmower

Steve Evans
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I feel...

I have to agree with the guys logic.

His yard,

His gun,

His lawnmower.

Assuming he had a licence for the gun, why can't he go destroy his own property?

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Orange UK: the iPhone's latest colour carrier?

Steve Evans
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@Martin Fowler

I'm not sure what cells you hang about in Martin, but I've been with Orange for years, and I've had no problem with coverage or customer service.

At work my boss is an avid vodafone fan, and all company mobiles come from vodafone. I've lost count how many arrive either misconfigured, or not configured at all. Message centres not set, WAP/Internet access points incorrect, and the pain of actually trying to speak to someone who knows what these setting should be in unbelievable. I know, cos I'm the poor bugger who has to do it.

I won't mention the crazy things that the vodafone internet gateway does to http request... Lets just say when you write a java app that uses http requests, you really don't want it to go via vodafone!

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Inquirer celebrates spammer murder-suicide

Steve Evans
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Be careful Mr Haines...

It's a long drop from a high horse.

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Morgan shows 'light & slippery' fuel-cell car concept

Steve Evans
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@JonB

Pssst, Jon, we don't have 240v mains electricity in the UK anymore...

They sneaked it down to put us in line with Europe...

Now the specified mains voltage is 230V +10%, -6%

Like any modern device really cares as long as it's got above 100v and less than 300v!

Although I do begrudge my kettle taking 5% longer to make my cuppa Grrrr! Bl**dy Europe!

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Steve Evans
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Two cars...

I agree many people use a car that is far bigger than they require 99% of the time, but why stop at saying you should have different cars for different jobs... How about pushing it a bit to different vehicles... I came to work today on my motorbike, and although it's quite capable of leaving pretty much any car at the lights, it's going to go a hell of a lot further on it's little sips of fuel than any 4 wheeler. Damn sight easier to park too!

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Sat nav blunder places The Rock in Skegness

Steve Evans
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How...

... did the driver even get into our country! Originating from outside the EU, surely he would be required to have some documents giving him clearance to be transporting all that stuff? Let alone bring himself into our country as a worker!

I can't even order some PC components from the USA without having to make a trip to the local post office to pay tax on them... And annoyingly a handling charge with exceed even the tax... Makes me wonder what exactly the postage is supposed to pay for if it's not the handling!

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Who do you think you are, knitting Mr Hitler?

Steve Evans
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LOL!

Love it... Nice to know there are still people willing to either say "bollox" to political correctness, or are so detached from reality they don't even realise such things might cause offence!

I so wish they are the former, but fear they are the latter!

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Dangerous mobe chargers flood UK

Steve Evans
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@Mage

500mA is the specification for the maximum current you can draw from a USB port on a PC. It's not the electrical specification for the connector.

I have a multitude of devices which I charge with Mini USB connectors, and I have a cigarette lighter adapter in the car which has a PC style USB connector on the top. This can provide a whole amp of current, and none of my devices, or plugs have yet melted.

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Jeremy Clarkson tilts at windmills

Steve Evans
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@Adrian Jackson

Sounds like you've swallowed the government statistics...

Speed does not cause accidents. Bad driving (which can, but does not have to, include inappropriate speed) causes accidents.

Speed (sorry, safety) cameras are a strict letter of the law device, that take into account absolutely nothing but your speed. Unlike a real policeman (if you remember what they look like), who could judge if you were being silly using years of experience.

Take for example a camera on a 30mph stretch near a school.

Situation 1: Pouring rain, 3pm in the afternoon, school kick out time, car doing 29mph (I know, fat chance of doing >1mph with all the 4x4s about, but go with me on this one).

Situation 2: Same road, 2am, lovely clear and dry summer night, car driving at 35mph.

Now which one of those is going to get the speeding ticket? Number 2 because he's doing 35mph past the camera.

Now which of those if most likely to have an accident and hurt someone? Number 1.

I looked carefully at the statistics for a camera near me, the headline said that it had reduced accident, and upon study, yes it had, by about 2 a year (which to be honest would have been eaten up just be standard random variations). However, dig into the figures a little deeper and you find although the total number of accidents had fallen, the fatalities had actually risen! Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I find a few more dents, scratches and bruises highly preferable to deaths.

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EU abolishes the acre

Steve Evans
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Honestly...

Can Johnny Foreigner not use a calculator?

The EU seems fixed on removing anything that might require the use of one... Join all the currencies together into the Euro, tada! None of that annoying conversion. Maybe it's so nobody will have the ability to check their expenses claims!

Come on you lazy buggers, we manage it all the time over here... Here are some rough conversions which you can do in your head. Please note I say rough.

When cooking, or talking about the weather C = ( F - 30 ) / 2

When talking about distance or speed, Miles = Kilometre / 1.5

When employing a plumber, Złoty = UKP / 4

And if you think that's bad, try dealing with Americans who take our units, and then short change you with them... 4 Fluid ounces missing from a pint, that's flamin' criminal!

Oh, and well done to our unelected leader for being so spineless. Pity Hadrian didn't put rusty nails on the top of his wall, or you'd never have had the guts to cross it.

How long would it take to clone Maggy and get her back in power? I know she did many unpopular things, but she had more bollocks (especially when it came to Europe) than all the leaders we've had since put together! Back in those days you could always cross the channel and hold your head and middle finger high and proud!

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