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* Posts by Steve Evans

2356 posts • joined 17 Apr 2007

Browncasting: Why can't Downing Street do digital?

Steve Evans
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@Greg Fleming

It might be a face that would frighten the French, but he's so busy kissing their arses they have yet to see it!

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Google sued for 'stealing' Android name

Steve Evans
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Would you really want to p*ss off google?

They could make you effectively vanish from the intarweb!

if (search_result->domain_name=="android-data.com") {

ranking-=500;

}

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French lead world in eating and sleeping

Steve Evans
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@Greg Fleming

Very true... I can only explain one of those... The drinking.

Thanks to our 11pm "everybody out!" licensing laws, us Brits evolved the ability to sink 12 hours worth of booze in 3 hours. This in itself wouldn't be too much of a problem if the then sozzled people weren't all thrown out of all the pub doors into the local high street at exactly the same time! Could you think of a better recipe for conflict?

Luckily the 11pm closing as been relaxed a bit in recent years. Unfortunately it's going to take a while for the glass lifting right arm action to be slowed down enough for us to make it much past 2am without serious alcohol poisoning!

Oh, and we all know who's fault those opening hours were... The French... (Well okay, it was the Germans, but if the French had sorted them out on their own in 1914 we wouldn't have needed that 11pm law!).

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Satellite to offer 10Mbit broadband to entire UK

Steve Evans
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Re: On the net from an undefined location.

...but with your credit card and billing address information...

So the latency issue is still an issue...

And the data limit is still an issue...

The only person I can possibly think of that could use something like this would be a friend who works on oil rig supply ships, but then again you'd never keep the dish pointing in the right direction when you're bouncing about in the north sea!

Nothing new here... Move along!

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Apple moves to patent mobile color

Steve Evans
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@Rolf Howarth

Well they're probably not patenting more than any other US company...

That is one screwed up patent system!

I hear there is a new bible in the US... It appears the meek are out, the lawyers will inherit the earth.

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Twitter breach gives behind-the-scenes Obama peek

Steve Evans
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Dictionary passwords?

OMG! Anyone still using pure alphabetic passwords that can be found in Dr Johnson's 250 year old book really deserve to be lined up against the wall...

Any that are administrators of anything should be lined up with any of their offspring/siblings just to remove the faulty gene from the pool!

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Pig plague 2.0: Can't spell 'pandemic' without 'panic'

Steve Evans
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Watch...

For HM Govt to try sneaking some bad news out whilst everyone is running about in a flu panic...

Oh no, I just sneezed....I DON'T WANNA DIE!

Oh hang on, it's hay fever...

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Carphone Warehouse linked to Tiscali buy-up (again)

Steve Evans
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@A/C 15:00 27th April 2009

Why are they willing to pay for these customers instead of jumping in when it goes under? Well the longer they leave it the smaller that group of customers will get. It is quite amusing as the Indian call centre have a new script to read when you ask for a MAC... They say "Is this because of the bankruptcy rumours? That won't affect you sir, Tiscali UK and Italy are completely separate..."

@Les Matthew... Well as I just said, there will be less than 1.8 million, but the thought of even half that number of people, all without MACs is kinda terrifying... Personally as a MAC is valid to 30 days (I think), I would ring Tiscali and ask for it... Then ask for a new one every couple of weeks, just so that when it does all go belly up you already have the code! It might make the chaos a little easier on you.

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Musician dumps instruments for iPhone

Steve Evans
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Jobs Horns

Let's hope...

He's playing percussion... With a 7lb club hammer...

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Number 10 doubles as 'House of Flying Nokias'

Steve Evans
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should be safe...

Given his monocular vision, I would image his depth perception to be particularly weak and trajectory calculations inaccurate... Hell, his calculations would be inaccurate anyway, look at the economy!

Mine's the one with the yellow builders hat (can't be too careful).

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Private ID scans leave fetish club-goers feeling exposed

Steve Evans
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Black Helicopters

The middle road...

Surely the middle road solution here would be for the scanning equipment to not be quite so complex... What if it was just an optical scanner of sorts or a digi cam... Take a picture of the person, take a picture of the ID. Everything is stored as an image (and only ever an image) which will reduce the datamining ability to pretty much zero. Keep the pictures for say 6 months, then delete.

This system (c) 2009 by me, can read any and every ID that is human readable.

If there is any problem, well it won't take long to look through the pictures and ID the trouble makers. In fact unless the IDs currently being used contain details like hair colour and number of facial piercings, this step will have to be performed even with their current system.

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Atom UMPC first casualty of OQO money woes?

Steve Evans
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@Ian McNee

Thanks for the first laugh of my day! Not bad, it's only 5:30 :-)

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Cabinet Office stuck with creaking PCs for five years

Steve Evans
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Old machines = Green ???

Can keeping these old machines really be classed as being green? Pentium 4s glowing away all hours of the day?

Surely if they really want to be green they sell the old machines off to one of the many PC recycling companies (complete with all the private data still on the hard drive of course - this is UK gov after all) and then replace them with something like an atom based eeeBox that sip less than 35watts and cost £200.

Sure eeeboxs don't run vista, but business doesn't need/want vista. Sure they suck at games, well maybe they'll get more work done. Sure they don't have a CD/DVD drive, well good, cos that'll stop people burning or trying to install things off that they shouldn't!

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Pirate Bay judge and pro-copyright lobbyist accused of bias

Steve Evans
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Pirate

What?!

He doesn't think that is a conflict of interest...? Would he please tell us what else he would have to do to qualify?!!!!

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'Soon soldiers will have 3 tiny choppers in their pocket'

Steve Evans
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Black Helicopters

Looks like fun...

But I have serious doubts about how something that light would handle the slight breezes that occur in some place, you know, like outside!

Still I guess it's a neat way to check out a building (assuming they haven't blown all the windows in/out with bullets and stun grenades and let that nasty draft in.

I'm off to secure my premises with one of those panning fans... On level 3... Muwahahahaha!

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Can the iPhone save NFC?

Steve Evans
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There is one use...

That's already quite common... Tagging animals.

So with your suitably equipped iphone you too can read this tag and be able to confirm the identify of the cat curled round your legs at the front door. This will prevent sneaky cats belonging to neighbours from performing convincing impersonations and having a free meal.

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Tesla Roadster runs for 241 miles in Monte Carlo e-rally

Steve Evans
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@Dave

Please hurry up and squash them all for me... I'll personally blow a gasket if I get stuck behind one of those in the mountains!

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BT still struggling to fix Olympic problems

Steve Evans
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Paris Hilton

@Steve Foster

It's okay Steve, the tubes are on the surface there.

Although part of me would love to see the chaos if they had hit a tube!

Paris: Because she thinks all holes should be well documented

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Photocops: Home Office concedes concern

Steve Evans
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Not all of them!

I was a little cheeky the other week... I saw two motorcycle cops parked up on the Mall, and thought they'd make an interesting picture... So I asked if they minded, and they were perfectly friendly and even asked if I'd like them to pose in any particular way!

However, if confronted by a Nazi, sorry I mean member of the force who is over stepping his authority, just remember that most of them are about as technically savvy as an 8 year old. Be friendly, compliant, and show them your photos so they can Identify which ones that offend them. Delete the pictures.

Then before taking any more, swap your memory card... It's only FAT, so undelete!

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BT does Italian Job on London traffic lights

Steve Evans
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@Samson Chan

Totally possible...

Your broadband connection is only piggybacked on your phone line on the local loop, and jumps off it at your local exchange. From there the two signal paths are separate.

As you have broadband, but no analogue phone, either only the phone line goes via the broken tunnel and the IP data goes a different route, or the IP data is on one of the other links in the tunnel which survived...

So give it a day or two and I'm sure they'll manage to damage the IP datapath too :-)

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Conficker zombie botnet drops to 3.5 million

Steve Evans
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How about...

How about this for a revolutionary idea...

As this analysis is based on the IPs of the infected machines, how about emailing the ISPs who control these IPs and asking them to inform the user who had that IP allocated at the time of their infection, and pass them some useful links to help them remove the infection...

The mechanism almost already exists on some ISPs to allow the RIAA to pump out the automated "You are an evil pirate, prepare to be cut off!" emails.

This does assume the ISPs give a sh*t of course!

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UK operation patents DVD lockdown

Steve Evans
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Hmmm...

I hope that in the USA they still get the phone number to link to the card number, otherwise you could use a prepaid credit card to get the unlock codes, and then bin the card and share the codes with all your friends.

Plus, CLI is all well and good, but at the moment calls breaking out from VOIP can have some very strange numbers, and of course be faked to contain any number you like.

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Nokia E75

Steve Evans
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@AC 2nd April 2009 13:31 GMT

The N97 isn't available yet... It's release date got pulled back a couple of months, about the same time as Orange et al started bitching about the built in Skype calls having the ability to go over wifi.

I'm sure, as we speak, Nokia are bending to the will of the carriers and knobbling the VOIP features so they only work over GPRS/3G and not wifi... Same as they did with the N95...

Hopefully the N97 will be equally simple to "fix" afterwards.

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Unauthorised Wolverine claws his way onto interwebs

Steve Evans
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@Code Monkey

My g/f made exactly the same comment the other day. I can't remember what film we were watching, but the anti piracy thing was even more in your face as usual... They truly are only one step away from the IT Crowd version these days!

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UK.gov to get power to force ISPs to block child porn

Steve Evans
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Anonymous Coward @AC 2nd April 2009 12:17 GMT

"Why is no one in charge clued up on this?"

A very good question... But do you really think we need another 100 civil servants, even techie ones to help them with these things?

Personally I'm quite happy for the Govt to go round making stupid statements like this, and then to sit back and watch as the reality of what they are requesting slowly dawns.

We all suspect they are idiots, so why not let them open their mouths and remove all doubt!

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Vulture Central on total G20 terror lockdown

Steve Evans
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Joke

What?!

No beards?

So no Linux articles this week then?

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Android tethering app tossed

Steve Evans
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Why?

Why should it matter? They have a data volume cap, so if you blow it in a couple of hours from a tethered laptop, why should they care?

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Workers take Caterpillar Inc managers hostage

Steve Evans
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Okay...

1 is a shock

2 is a unexpected

But getting yourself caught in the third incident is just plain stupid! surely any manager with more than a couple of braincells to run together would refuse to meet any workers in an office with only one exit... From the far side of a chain link fence is currently recommended!

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Wacky Jacqui spanked by husband

Steve Evans
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More to the point...

WTF are we doing paying for her to have cable TV at all! I don't have it at home, I don't think it comes under a necessary expense, especially with the option of freeview, or don't they have to justify any expenses?

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Windows 7 RC download page reveals May ship date

Steve Evans
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Specs...

I thought they said Windoze 7 would work fine on netbooks? As A/C 19:48 correctly observed, translating those requirements into real world numbers exceeds any netbook on the market.

Remember XP - at least 64 megabytes (MB) of RAM (128 MB is recommended)

And Vista - 512 MB of system memory

So either M$ are being honest for once, or W7 is an even worse system hog than Vista!

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Firefox exploit sends Mozilla into 'high-priority fire drill' mode

Steve Evans
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Unhappy

High priority...

and we have to wait 5 days?

Now I know that's faster than M$ or Apple will respond, but it's still a long time to be wandering naked on the interwibble!

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Budvar beats Anheuser-Busch in latest Budweiser battle

Steve Evans
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@AC (miles back up there somewhere)...

"Someone from Berlin is a Berliner"... Errrr... JFK tried that one... Doughnut (literally).

Anyway, nice to see that good taste has prevailed :-)

I think most of my favourite Euro beers are safe from trademark jumping, the Polish ones don't have enough vowels to be pronounced, let alone trademarked!

Na zdrowie :-)

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LibDems uncover over 10,000 RIPA yarns

Steve Evans
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The Lib Dems...

They do make a good opposition some times, and I would be tempted to vote for them and let them try running the place for once, if it wasn't for their blind loyalty to Europe and it's financial albatross.

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Sun packs 150 billion web pages into meat locker

Steve Evans
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Come on...

Where's the rest of it... The aircon! I don't see any evaporators on that container, and there is no way those suits would be able to wearing anything more than speedos if that sweat box didn't have the wind chill factor of the Antarctic!

Love the loose and missing mounting bolts! I wonder how many head crashes a magnitude 7 would cause, even with the fancy (unbolted) spring mounts?

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Deadfish iPhones send users into deep freeze

Steve Evans
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Bit crazy...

Considering the iPhone is one of the few phones on the market that has a huge lump of metal as the back of the case, you would have thought they would have had a easy way to dispose of heat (and warm your pocket). Most other phones have to use the amazing conductive properties of plastic!

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Isle of Man e-bike trial loses racers

Steve Evans
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@Andrew Newstead

I saw the same article, and the same thought occurs now... That was a frame designed for a conventional bike (and nobody took it then!), whereas a 'leccy bike has loads of those pesky heavy batteries. The picture shown looks incredibly nose forward weight wise, and I don't think I'd fancy trying to stop the thing in a hurry, especially on those bumpy Manx roads!

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BMW driver follows satnav to edge of cliff

Steve Evans
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Hmmm...

After seeing the BBC link - with picture - (Thanks 4a$$Monkey), I see the Police are charging him with undue care and attention (well they don't have a charge of being a pillock!)

I'm just wondering if you can be charged with anything when you are not driving on the public road. For example, if I pull onto my parents drive, and decide to ram their car a couple of times, IIRC (not that I have tried it!), I'm on private land, so I can pretty much do what I like.

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Newfangled rootkits survive hard disk wiping

Steve Evans
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Except...

Most motherboards have a link to prevent bios writes to stop stupid users screwing things up...

So as long as you've got that set, you're safe.

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Apple proves: It pays to be late

Steve Evans
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@Paul

""recall the tumbleweed that blew through empty stores when O2 and Carphone first launched the iPhone in the UK"

--well thats not true is it ?! it was covered in the news, queues of people outside most apple, o2 and carphone warehouse stores..."

Really... Odd because I took advantage of their late opening to park (free after 6) in my local town, walk into the O2 shop and buy another microSD card for my Nokia... There were more staff than customers in the store, and I would have been in and gone in 2 minutes if all the till staff weren't trying to resolve a problem with an iPhone registration!

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'Sunshade' global-cooling plan would ruin solar power

Steve Evans
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At last!

We now know the official name for the university of the bleedin' obvious!

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration!

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Scientology spokesman confirms Xenu story

Steve Evans
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OIY!

"exposure to the fantastical Xenu story before the completion of numerous preparatory stages might result in pneumonia or even death...."

Thanks! I've got a cold now! Who should I send the lawyers after? El Reg for leaking this, or the church for stockpiling a biological weapon?

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TfL cans mobiles on the tube plan

Steve Evans
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Not a shock...

Come on, who's going to pay for all the trial installation for it to only be available on the shortest tube line on the network... Waterloo and City only has two stations FFS!

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Supercar maker pitches 'leccy sportster with stunning spec

Steve Evans
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So...

What's its range at night when the solar charger won't be working and you also have the lights draining the batteries, oh and the stereo blasting to keep you awake?

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iPhone 3.0 gossip lassos MMS, tethering, cut-and-paste...

Steve Evans
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@Stuart Van Onselen

My thoughts exactly! Why do the iPhone fanboiz seem to think they have been handed a gift from the gods (not the Jobs), and that it's what everybody really wants, and what every phone should be.

I've had my "inferior" N95 for over 18months, and I'd rather have it and it's 5meg camera, MMS messaging and ability to send text messages to 101 people if I so wish.

Oh and of course I've been able to switch between apps for years... 6600, N70, N95... I think my 7650 could do it too, but I can't remember that far back, it was 6 years ago after all!

Not to mention a load of free symbian apps all over the net I can use for nothing, and without having to wait for El Jobbie to approve their suitable.

Sure the iPhone is a nice MP3 player (pity about the iTunes PC software). However the phone side of things makes me wonder if any of the designers have ever seen a mobile phone, let alone used one! They certainly didn't look beyond the shores of the US of A or they wouldn't have missed so many SMS related features.

Oh, and the flashless camera sucks! Even Mr Jobbie can't fix that with a firmware upgrade!

Mine's the Apple sauce and fanboy flame proof one.

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Pensioner gets apology over S&M smut filesharing threat

Steve Evans
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@John A Blackley

I think elReg has paraphrased this a bit... They threaten court but give you the option to settle outside. Theoretically saves both parties time and money. It's no different to a speeding ticket. You can argue it in court if you like, but you're just risking more points and a bigger fine, so most people just opt for the 3 points and the fixed fine.

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Obese cost London fire brigade £300k

Steve Evans
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Damn...

Maybe they should stick to fires... Put the fatty in the burning building and watch them sweat of those pounds! Or maybe even run for the first time in years!

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ISS crew flees flying space junk

Steve Evans
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Joke

Don't worry...

It'll be coming round again in an hour or so for another go!

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BBC botnet investigation turns hacks into hackers

Steve Evans
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@Mike

Pass the info to the ISP and let them contact the user... LMAO! Oh tell me another one, that's too funny!

You're lucky if your ISP manages to keep a broadband connection up and running, let alone chasing anyone on their network who has been pwn3d!

The other year one of my email servers was on the receiving end of 20 thousand virus email a day from one IP, it took me 3 days of constant phone calls to the ISP before they stopped, and I think that was only because I finally found the number of their technical director by randomly changing some digits at the end of their DDI range.

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Latest subject for peer review? You

Steve Evans
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Wisdom of crowds?

If that's true, why do we continue to have Big brother and X-Star-get-me-out-of-here-celebrity-factor on the idiot box?

Surely stupidity of crowds is more accurate. Those likely to push the average IQ upwards keep quiet in case they use a long word, and slowly edge their way towards the exit doors.

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Nokia sweetens juice-monitor app

Steve Evans
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@Chris Williams

What are you doing with your poor phone? I have an original (pre-8gig) N95 with it's original battery and it lasts days.

1) Make sure you have the latest firmware (free download and install from Nokia site), the very early firmware was bad with the battery.

2) If you don't need to use something, turn it off. e.g. Wifi, GPS, bluetooth and if you don't need 3G, switch to the old GPRS network, it's less of a power muncher

3) If you have no signal, e.g. on a tube, turn the phone offline. This goes for any mobile. If they can't see a cell they crank up their broadcast power and start screaming the wireless version of "HELLOOOO!"

4) Close down apps you're not using. Hold down the application button (the funny blue swirl) and you'll get the S60 equiv of alt-tab... Navigate up and down the list and you can press C to close them without having to go into each one.

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