Feeds

* Posts by Steve Evans

2377 posts • joined 17 Apr 2007

Minister attacks drunken topless lovelies with tangler-bazooka

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Tangle in the propellor...

So completely useless against a jet boat, or jetski then.

If I were a crazy terrorist, a jetski would def be high on my list... Fast, manoeuvrable, very shallow draft for an escape up a small river... That's assuming I want to escape and haven't just blown all my limbs to the points of the compass of course.

0
0

Les Paul dies at 94

Steve Evans
Silver badge
Pint

RIP

Les, thanks you. May you rest in a beautiful symphony of sustained notes,

I shall raise a bottled drink to you, and when empty, play slide guitar with it.

0
0

Orange repeals unpopular price changes

Steve Evans
Silver badge
FAIL

Didn't tell me...

First I've heard of it. I had notification of a change to their off-tariff data rates, which basically means if you are an occasional user you'll get have your data bill doubled.

Orange customer relations are pretty shit these days. Just ring them up and ask where the N97 upgrade is. Not only do they not have it (still screwing about breaking it with their orange firmware I guess), but every time you ring you get a different load of bolloxs explaining if and when they will have it.

My PAC is sitting on my desk

0
0

Dell: Linux v Windows netbook returns a 'non-issue'

Steve Evans
Silver badge

My mother...

I bought my mother a netbook for Christmas.

Being an evil tight fisted son it had Linux on it.

After the initial "Oh, that looks different", I showed were things were, put some nice "shortcuts" onto the desktop for her to use, like openoffice, firefox, and away she went.

Perfectly happy.

Had a bit of fun getting the printer working, but that's just the printer manufacturer being lazy and poviding sh*te drivers. I'm sure M$ pay them to do that!

Almost everything she does is web/email based, so the OS makes no difference. In fact she likes openoffice as it opens all the new word format attachments she gets sent by friends who have a newer version than she had on her old windows pc. (I didn't mention I could put openoffice on the old pc!).

0
0

Stephen Hawking both British and not dead

Steve Evans
Silver badge

@David Webb

"I'm thankful Hawkins is still alive today, he should be an inspiration to everyone of what a person with the most severe handicaps can do in life."

Indeed... Although American's don't seem to have a problem with handicaps, especially mental ones. They put them in places of power and authority!

0
0

Exploding iPhone injures French teen

Steve Evans
Silver badge
Flame

@Richard Scratcher

LOL!

0
0

US bank deposits checks via iPhone camera

Steve Evans
Silver badge

@Owen

In the UK the banks also have some creative techniques...

Generally this involved the money leaving your account the moment the cheque is presented, it then sits in the banks account for a few days earning interest, then eventually a couple of days later it appear in the account of whoever you wrote the cheque to.

0
0

MPs urge more action on green IT

Steve Evans
Silver badge
Thumb Down

I bet...

I bet if I wandered round the house of commons at 2am several things would happen

1) I would find a load of PCs left on.

2) I would find a load of PCs left on that don't even have powersave enabled for the monitor, so the wobbly windows logo will be bouncing about on view all night

3) I would be shot.

Maybe our beloved leaders should insist that all future desktop machines they buy are atom based. I have an Acer Revo, which is wonderful, and sips at the electricity. Reviews complain about the 1.6Ghz atom being slow, but with a reasonable OS (i.e. not Vista, or probably W7) it's a perfectly usable desktop system. Come on, we were all perfectly happy to use sub gigahertz machines for word/excel only a few years ago.

Sure it's crap at playing the latest FPS, and it's movie playback is just passable. You wouldn't want to start editing your 12 megapixel Nikon raw files in photoshop either if you are in a hurry, or laying down some funky beats for your top 10 hit, but none of these things should be of any interest to the commons.

It will play movies from Youtube, so they will still be able to watch Gordon attempting to smile and look genuine.

Oh, and even better, it's cheap! £160 without an OS, and I'm sure HM Govt have already sold their souls to M$, so they'll have a nice volume licence install CD, so loads of money left to clear out the moats and install a plasma screen in the duck house.

0
0

Electric car powers across land, ice and water

Steve Evans
Silver badge

@Jacqui...

Form over function, welcome to the iEverything generation!

I wonder what the ride/noise is like with what are in effect solid tyres... I'm sure Mr Dunlop would be turning in his grave...

0
0

iPhone solo loss stares O2 in the face

Steve Evans
Silver badge

That explains it...

This explains why Orange can't be arsed to sort out their firmware on the N97 and get it released a month after it should have been released. It's appeared as a coming soon on their website and vanished again. Their call centre staff (even the ones in "I'm thinking of leaving Orange" bit) don't know what's going on. Some say they've dropped it, other say testing a new batch. It's been going on like this for several weeks.

If they think I'm going to be hanging about to buy the old model iPhone they have another thing coming.

0
0

Boston student fined thousands for Napstering

Steve Evans
Silver badge

So...

Where is a student supposed to get $675000... Apart from becoming a lawyer for the RIAA?

Might as well have made it a few million for all the hope they have of getting that. Even if he gets 50 years to pay it off it's still over £13000 a year... Plus I'm sure he'd have to pay interest!

@Mike 61, if Limewire is like most other P2P applications, you will be sharing the blocks you have completed whilst you are still downloading the others. So even if you immediately move the file upon completion, you could have still shared the first blocks many times.

In fact many of the RIAA's spy companies have applications which advertise the hashes of the tracks they represent onto the chosen P2P networks, and then they just wait to see who comes knocking to download them.

0
0

N97 Mini pictures emerge

Steve Evans
Silver badge
FAIL

Why bother?

They've done the same thing as they did with the N95 to N95 8gig... Namely removed useful things. The N95 lost it's lens cover too, and the microSD memory slot. I stuck with the original N95 and was happy.

How are you supposed to navigate on the N97mini? There is no navigation pad... All with touch screen? Yuck...

Then again, be nice for Vodafone to release a new follow up... Orange still haven't managed to release the first one... First there was silence, then there was "Coming soon", now that's vanished and the silence has returned. Bound to be their crappy customer firmware again...

Have a look at this blog... Almost a months worth of Orange not knowing what it's doing from the customer perspective.

http://www.tankslappa.com/blog/?p=24

0
0

Amazon sued for sending 1984 down Orwellian memory hole

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Ah...

Digital rights management... Where you purchase but never own...

Gotta love it!

0
0

Mission control reacquires UK space cheddar

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Silly people...

Of course it failed, you need some acid for the organic battery to work... Try sticking your copper and zinc electrodes into a lemon or a potato next time.

0
0

SpinVox: The Inside Story

Steve Evans
Silver badge

One one patent granted in the USA?

Poor show! Even my cat could manage to get at least three, and two of those would be new contorted shapes to sleep in.

0
0

Barclays online banking borked

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Still borked for me...

Still not working for me... Means I'm going to have to go to the branch and do it the old fashioned way.

0
0
Steve Evans
Silver badge

One other thing...

Their "email us" link goes to an html page, which is also on the faulty server, so that doesn't work either.

Brilliant.

0
0

Apple says jailbroken iPhones endanger cell towers

Steve Evans
Silver badge
WTF?

What?

How could they fail to mention it's also responsible for global warming, al qaeda and paedophiles?

Oh, and it's also an evil shade of purple.

0
0

Average UK broadband just over half advertised speed

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Local loop...

I don't need to do the speed test to check my speed. Any download I do gets 2Mbs and no more, and that is because that's as fast as my modem will sync to the exchange.

I'm on the outskirts of the M25 in Essex. I spent several years at 1Mbs because I couldn't get upgraded. Changed ISP and got to the current dizzying heights. My signal to noise is not going to let me get any more.

I have run my own high quality twisted pair from the BT box on the front wall. It goes into an active filter that splits the ADSL from the rest of the phone sockets under the stairs with my router and a CAT5 feeding onto my LAN.

Different routers have made very little difference, although I must say my current £25 ZyXel P-660R is probably the most stable.

I can do no more to take advantage of my "up to 8meg" package. Just sit and use a maximum of 25% of it. Although I'm sure if I do that I'd get capped!

0
0

IE icon too familiar for Microsoft EU settlement?

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Just out of curiosity...

I installed Opera 9.6 (I'm usually a Firefox user). I did try Opera several years ago, but uninstalled it in disgust when I found that pressing enter at the end of the URL didn't make it load that page - I had to get the mouse and click a button to start it.

I see this at least works in 9.6... However, upon starting I presented with a startup page from http://portal1.opera.com/startup/

Which doesn't appear correctly! I can see there are 3 boxes on the left labelled 1, 2 and 3, but they are actually only 50% the height they need to be to show the 1,2 and 3, so the numbers have their bottoms chopped off... If there is anything else in those boxes I don't know! I think there is supposed to be as the page is otherwise meaningless. (No I can't be bothered to check the HTML source!).

I have tried the page in Chrome, FF3 and IE, and it's broken in all of them. Curiously only Opera and Chrome try to show numbers, FF3 and IE show white arrows in blue circles instead.

So it's not actually a c*ck up in Opera's rendering, but it is a c*ck up in their ability to write HTML! Doesn't fill me with confidence!

Having said all that, their mobile browser is actually very good. I've been using it on my N95 for years.

0
0
Steve Evans
Silver badge
Thumb Down

Oh FFS (2)

Will they stop moaning... They're just sore cos the Opera logo is just an O, which is basically shite!

Just admit it, you're jealous cos M$ managed to make an e into a planet and you never thought about that despite already having a letter the right shape!

0
0

Blyk goes bye-bye

Steve Evans
Silver badge

@A/C 15:06

Nice try, but freetards don't/can't use punctuation. Probably because they don't actually stop to take in oxygen (their brain requires so little). So it should be more of a Vicky Pollard style uber-sentence.

"omfg you want me to pay for somefink you are scum and it's shit you offshore everyfink to china you money grabbing low life like i mean 1p for a dvd thats like rip off yo scum omg i want everything free including my house like my mum and my dads"

0
0

AVG update gags iTunes

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Sounds fair...

A resource hogging wobbly pile of sh*t... Yup, sounds suspicious to me too.

0
0

Labour MP quits over McKinnon extradition vote

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Party politics...

With the way the sheep follow the whip, we might as well just have 3 MPs and reduce the expenses and paperwork.

0
0

Tory landslide inevitable - maybe

Steve Evans
Silver badge

@Beelzeebub

Or snake their way out by saying it's not a constitution, it's now a treaty, we only promised a vote on a constitution.

I can't believe we don't have a way to pass a vote of no confidence on an entire government, at any time. That would keep them on their toes.

As for needing software to predict Mr Broon, our unelected president, will be going to talk to the boys and asking them for a new cushy job after the next election... isn't that like using a Cray to answer 2+2?

0
0

O2 leaves travellers in the lurch

Steve Evans
Silver badge
Megaphone

Ah...

O2 may have been removed from the BT tree, but it looks like they still follow the business model...

Build infrastructure

Then continue to milk and over-subscribe the infrastructure, whilst performing pitiful maintenance, upgrades and disaster prevention/analysis.

@pctechxp - Yes I work in IT. The systems I am involved with are required real time, kind of like ummm I dunno, say a telephone network. Which is why we have multiple sites, multiple internet providers, multiple power sources and redundancy at every level. You could nuke all but one of my sites and full service would still remain.

So far JCB digger man has never managed to take down more than one at a time.

So yes, I have had systems down, but it has *never* impacted my users/customers.

I hope you would be this forgiving when stranded at Heathrow for several days because someone decided air-traffic control needed no redundancy.

Megaphone - Cos it's a more reliable form of communication than O2!

0
0

Network Solutions breach exposed 500k card accounts

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Great!

"We have been working around the clock to get this announcement ready"

How about working round the clock to actually do something useful, like, I dunno, maybe some network admin, IDS, you know, that boring stuff!

It's not so much the fact that their server were owned that I find shocking, it's that they were owned for 3 months!

0
0

Startup crafts DVD-Rs for the 31st century

Steve Evans
Silver badge

@Adam 52

Hopefully in 1000 years, Lawyers will have been made illegal...

Then again, given the way patents are issued these days, I imagine the entire planet populated by lawyers, nobody produces anything new, and they spend their days issuing counter suits to each other...

In this light, maybe DVD will still be a known media format!

0
0

Security researchers unpick botnet economics

Steve Evans
Silver badge

A question I've often wondered...

If you're in the market for a load of credit card details how do you go about it?

Surely you won't want to give your card details to a shadowy figure who makes a living from selling card details!

And as the shadowy figure selling card details, would you trust a prospective customer who is after card details, to be purchasing with a genuine one?

So how is the financial transaction carried out? The shadowy figures obviously needs this to be unregulated and untraceable or they'd get caught/shutdown.

0
0

Lexus unveils hybrid

Steve Evans
Silver badge
Thumb Down

The problem is...

The fuel consumption figures might be impressive for a vehicle of its size, but if you really wanted to be green you'd get yourself something far simpler, smaller and lighter.

0
0

Picsel Technologies goes dark

Steve Evans
Silver badge

@A/C 21:21

The Acorn kit isn't that odd really. Most mobiles have ARM chips inside, and ARM is an offshoot of Acorn. The Archimedes being the first consumer machine based on the technology.

If those really were the Phoebe machines, you just saw both of them! Rumour has it they only made two prototypes!

0
0

Nokia sees sales, shipments and profits slide

Steve Evans
Silver badge

@A/C 16:00

I don't know what you do to your telephones but I've never broken a Nokia.

6310, 7650, 6600, N70, N95 and a few older ones whos model number I have long since forgotten. All working perfectly last time I used them, and would probably still work if I could find the box they're in... Might need a new battery, but hey, user serviceable! ;-)

The N95 has been dropped, had cola spilt on it when it was only 3 days old (thanks to my younger brother) closely followed by me running it under the tap (the logic being that water has got to be safer than cola!), and it's still working perfectly.

Sure the early firmware was a bit iffy, bad battery life etc, but within a month the new firmware arrived and it's been great ever since. Each new firmware release has added little things. 2 years of daily use and abuse, no complaints.

I web browse with mine with Opera Mini, I use VOIP and IM with fring. I take pictures and send emails.

It did start to clog up a bit when I had over 2000 messages in the SMS inbox, but come on, what do you expect. Backup the messages to the PC (just in case), wipe the inbox and then try to be a bit more tidy in future!

As soon as Orange decide to release the N97 I'll be popping into one of their shops for a play, then if I like it, on the phone to upgrade line to barter a good price.

0
0

Vulture Central plans Brit-Yank dictionary

Steve Evans
Silver badge
Happy

Pronounciation...

Oh I'm glad I'm not alone with the rOWter cringe.

For the 'merkins, we pronounce the network device "Roo-ter", and the woodwork tool "rOWter".

Also Jaguar is pronounced Jag-You-Are, not JagWaaaah.

Oh, and 'merkin is slang for American... Cos a brit saying "A Merkin" sounds like an American saying "American"... It also happens to be a pubic wig, which just seals the deal in my book!

To go out and get pissed on a Friday night is a normal evening involving no anger. It is also quite common to nip outside work and suck on a fag for five minutes.

Saying "You're mad/crazy" to someone in the UK never seems to cause the same look of horror you get if you say it to a foreigner. I can only assume the rest of the planet are having doubts about their sanity or anger management.

UK ----- US

Tramp = Bum

Bum = Ass / fanny

Arse = Ass

Ass = Mule

For some reason there seem to be a huge number of words only one step away from your backside.

Talking of which... In the UK, a Lady will not ask if her fanny looks big in something, and nobody has a fanny bag!

Use of such words will cause instant smirks from all Brits in a 100ft radius.

Oh, and just because we're lumped in with Europe, don't sit there going um and erm when it comes to measurements and such like, we can use both metric and imperial (we've been using them longer than you have!), and hop back and forth between them depending on which is the nicest number. Much to the annoyance of the French.

Annoying the French is our reason d'etre after all :-)

And remember, just when you think you understand everything an Englishman says, he can just switch to English English (See Austin Powers sketch with Michael Caine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgPH0tYXJrA).

0
0

Zombies bite into Symbian smartphones

Steve Evans
Silver badge
FAIL

First known...

Except for the previous version...

Ermmmm....

0
0

Endeavour heads for ISS on sixth try

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Crammed?

13 people in 240 feet is hardly cramming them in! That's over 17 feet each!

Transport for London would get thousands into that kinda space (I mean the 17 feet, I can't calculate how many they'd get into 240 feet!)

0
0

Google data center born without chillers

Steve Evans
Silver badge

My idea...

They really should install data centres next to municipal swimming pools and saunas.

2
0

Fancy dropping into Pitetsbkrrh?

Steve Evans
Silver badge

@mittfh

It's never a good idea to blindly use an online translator, have you not seen the Asian bar?

http://failblog.org/2008/07/22/translation-fail/

0
0

BlackBerry snoopers can explain everything

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Why?

Why on earth would an operator need to intercept SMS messages at the phone, they operate the messaging centre, so surely if they wanted a copy of messages they can pick them all up here, and nobody would be any the wiser!?

Same goes for emails, they operate the data carrier the phones receiving and sending emails via, just listen for those conversations on port 110 and port 25.

0
0

Unpatched Firefox flaw lets fox into henhouse

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Early adopters...

BEWARE!

I'm still waiting for some of my add-ons to be updated for 3.5, so I'm still on 3.0.11... Maybe I'm safe... Maybe I'm not... Anyone know?

0
0

Dubya surveillance exceeded warrantless wiretaps

Steve Evans
Silver badge

So...

Politicians lie.

Politicians spy on the public they are supposed to serve.

Politicians break laws...

Sorry, but I can't see what's news worthy here, it all looks pretty normal to me!

0
0

Apollo 11 moon mission reincarnated as website

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Scary...

Scary to think that the PC you are accessing their site on has far more processing power than the computer that actually got them to the moon in the first place.

0
0

Most IT pros not planning on Windows 7 rollout

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Well...

Any IT pro who wants to be an early adopter and recommend an unknown system in a professional environment really deserves all the headaches they get!

The only reason you started to see Vista in the business workplace was because new machines came with it... Although most got back-graded to XP.

Remember the moto, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. So why would businesses, or anyone that depends on their PCs "need" to move to Windows 7? What is the "must-have" feature?

The only things that do push businesses along the upgrade path are the aforementioned machines that arrive with new OS, and M$ dropping security updates for the earlier OSs.

We'll wait for the first service pack and all the hardware drivers to catch up thank you very much.

0
0

iPhone makes eyes at T-Mobile and Orange

Steve Evans
Silver badge
Thumb Down

I would have thought...

...by now, anyone that wanted an iPhone would have bought an iPhone, even if it was on O2!

The fanboys will always be upgrading and wanting the latest incarnation of their religious icon, so they will stick with the 3GS and O2's exclusivity.

Which will just leave the old models being pushed by T-Mob and Orange, to people who really probably aren't that interested.

Standby for the T-Mob and Orange marketing to go on a iPhone frenzy to a customer base that just really aren't that interested.

Which is a pity, as there are plenty of other good phones out there which they could be concentrating their efforts on actually releasing... Like the N97 for starters... Orange are you listening!

0
0

Olympics loses tech provider

Steve Evans
Silver badge
FAIL

@Ricky H

Exactly. I'm a UK native, and I don't know anyone who's excited by the Olympics. The only people enthusing about it are the ones close enough to either bask in it's glory, or more likely, bask in it's bank account.

The only long term benefit I'm hoping to see is the mobile sweat box (sorry, tube), might get some air conditioning. I'm lucky that I don't work in London, but even on a weekend trip a couple of weeks ago I bailed from the tube and walked two stops just because I couldn't face changing line and melting any longer.

Honestly, who came up with this whole idea of needing an Olympic village etc etc? We have a stadium, the new Wembley, we have pools (although there is actually a criminal lack of Olympic length ones, but I'm sure we can find one), why does everything have to be next to each other? The fact the sailing is going to be on the South coast proves that they can manage the logistics. Guess we should be grateful they didn't try to dig a new Solent below Stratford!

Personally I think I will be taking advantage of some empty plane seats (I love a haggle) leaving the UK when it opens, and some empty plane seats to come back when it finishes.

0
0

Phorm: How it went down

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Annoyingly...

I'm sure there are hundreds or start-up companies with some really good (non-intrusive) ideas who would love to have even a small slice of the cash which Phorm has had thrown at it.

Then again, given recent events it's obvious that the last people who know what to do with cash are the banks!

0
0

RIP tennis gal's DD jubs

Steve Evans
Silver badge
Unhappy

@Anonymous Coward 18:34

That Mr A/C is a very good point... Unfortunately a tad late...

*sniff*

0
0

UK tabloid in phone hacking probe

Steve Evans
Silver badge

How depressing...

That guessing a default voicemail password of 8888, 0000 or 1111 is now classed as hacking.

Pity they didn't pick the number of the american ambassador or they'd be sitting on the plane next to UFO Gary.

0
0

Orange UK exiles Firefox from call centres

Steve Evans
Silver badge
FAIL

Worried...

As much as I like Firefox, I find the idea that call centre staff would even have enough power to install a new application of any sort onto a PC rather worrying!

Surely call centre droids should have an account that is locked down so tight they should count themselves lucky if they can toggle the caps-lock light!

0
0

The 3G map Ofcom didn't want you to see

Steve Evans
Silver badge
FAIL

Pah!

"People buying 3G dongles should note that they have little chance of using them outside the M25."

Yeah right...

My other half bought a 3 USB dongle... The map showed her area was high strength, and it should work inside the house without any problem.

She could barely use it by putting the laptop on the window ledge! It ended up taped onto the window on a USB extension lead! Hardly the image they portray in the blurb!

I gave her a few choice quotes from the sale of goods act "unfit for purpose" being the main one, and she went back to the shop.

Oh, and what deserted part of the country does she live in... Lambeth!

0
0

Short URLs in spam skyrocket

Steve Evans
Silver badge

Actually...

If the likes of TinyURL did something a little active, using a redirection service might actually save our more gullible surfers...

TinyURL scans destination of link, if it's a virus/trojan, it redirects the "victim" to a page telling them to beware of links, and suggesting some antivirus products.

In fact they might not even need to check the target, I'm sure a mass emailing work spewing links will generate a visit spike so large even a blind mind could notice it!

It's certainly far faster to take down a shrunken URL than it is to just and get an ISP to block/turn off a compromised site hosting the malware.

0
0