* Posts by Steve Evans

2390 posts • joined 17 Apr 2007

Facebook to hire like it's 1999

Steve Evans
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Not a moment too soon...

Given the number of times I have seen the facebook error box appear in the last couple of days they need some more staff!

If they continue with this kind of stability I might actually have to do some bl**dy work!

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Doctor investigated for posting inkblots to Wikipedia

Steve Evans
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Oh dear...

I've just had a look at the 10 prints on wiki, and although I did match up with a few of the obvious bat, bird, people answers, some of my other interpretations weren't even on the charts!

Some of their guideline interpretations seriously depend on particular social backgrounds. One of them has a suggested interpretation of "animal skin", now I can't remember the last time I saw an animal skin, so it's hardly likely to be the first thing that comes to mind. It does however look like my table cloth after I spilt my coffee on it yesterday!

To me number 10 looks like a carnival by the Eiffel tower!

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Model-slag blogger sues Google for blowing her cover

Steve Evans
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Oh dear...

If you're gonna slag someone of, at least learn how to "really" be anonymous on the internet!

Sure, she's pretty fit as a clothes horse, but IT skills seriously lacking...

What's her cooking and ironing like?

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4chan pwns Christians on Facebook

Steve Evans
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I assume....

... they will be turning the other cheek?

- and getting that slapped too!

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Microsoft goes Darwinian with evolutionary tree patent

Steve Evans
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@Lee

I hope that's not an American accusing the UK of trading morals/anything in favour of an oil deal...

If it is then he should research the word "Irony"

Plus IIRC, Mr Bush passed a law allowing for the detention of people *suspected* of terror offences which includes no right to a phone call or legal representation... AKA you disappear.

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Steve Evans
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The year is 2100...

... nothing has been invented in the US for at least 50 years. Herds of lawyers charge about this once productive land in their German saloons throwing law suits at anyone even contemplating inventing something. This in turn is then met with counter suits from herds working on behalf of the would be inventor. Once productive land is now a patchwork of golf courses, law courts and BMW dealerships. The courts are open 24/7, but even so most suits must wait at least 8 years before being heard.

The US patent office now covers an area exceeding Texas.

All paper has to be imported. The last tree in the US was cut down to make court papers filed against Mr Zak J Trudawitz in 2035. Mr Trudawitz, a farmer, had insisted on describing his product as a "Strawberry" in contravention to the patent on all fruit names granted to Mr S Jobs of Cupertino, CA in 2028.

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London hospital recovers from Conficker outbreak

Steve Evans
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Oh good...

They can't even immunise themselves against something that was cured in an update 10 months ago.... what hope have we got when the swine flu hits?! We're all gonna die...

DIE!!!!!

*runs screaming into the street*

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Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch peril

Steve Evans
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If methane is so bad...

Surely the easiest solution is to fit a pilot light on the back end of the cows.

This might also improve the lighting on dark country lanes at night.

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Trading in The Pirate Bay bidder stopped over deal funding

Steve Evans
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Pirate

down and down...

The longer they string this out, the smaller that database is going to get.

Give it a month and I'll be able to buy TPB with my remaining credit card balance.

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Orange prices up LG 3G watchphone for UK

Steve Evans
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Ahhh...

Nice to know what Orange have been doing instead of getting the N97 working with their crippled firmware...

I'm sure a watch phone is a worthy investment of their time... Oh hang on a second... It's not the feckin' 80s anymore... There's a credit crunch... We don't have any yuppies who would be stupid enough to want one of these!

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GGF plans to steer The Pirate Bay freeloaders straight

Steve Evans
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Glug glug glug...

She's takin' on water captain...

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Man catches MSI laptop with... his arse

Steve Evans
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Ummmm....

Not quite sure what message they are trying to purvey here...

1) MSI netbook - Shifts those stubborn cling-ons

2) MSI netbook - Whatever you do, don't try to use it as a computer, it's better as a frisbee

3) MSI netbook - There's a reason it smells funny

4) MSI netbook - If you worry about what they do to you pizza in the kitchen, you really don't want to see what we do to your netbook

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IT Crowd writer defends NHS

Steve Evans
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Coat

Aye...

It's just a pity about their new number...

0118 999 881 999 119 725

3

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Minister attacks drunken topless lovelies with tangler-bazooka

Steve Evans
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Tangle in the propellor...

So completely useless against a jet boat, or jetski then.

If I were a crazy terrorist, a jetski would def be high on my list... Fast, manoeuvrable, very shallow draft for an escape up a small river... That's assuming I want to escape and haven't just blown all my limbs to the points of the compass of course.

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Les Paul dies at 94

Steve Evans
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Pint

RIP

Les, thanks you. May you rest in a beautiful symphony of sustained notes,

I shall raise a bottled drink to you, and when empty, play slide guitar with it.

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Orange repeals unpopular price changes

Steve Evans
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FAIL

Didn't tell me...

First I've heard of it. I had notification of a change to their off-tariff data rates, which basically means if you are an occasional user you'll get have your data bill doubled.

Orange customer relations are pretty shit these days. Just ring them up and ask where the N97 upgrade is. Not only do they not have it (still screwing about breaking it with their orange firmware I guess), but every time you ring you get a different load of bolloxs explaining if and when they will have it.

My PAC is sitting on my desk

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Dell: Linux v Windows netbook returns a 'non-issue'

Steve Evans
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My mother...

I bought my mother a netbook for Christmas.

Being an evil tight fisted son it had Linux on it.

After the initial "Oh, that looks different", I showed were things were, put some nice "shortcuts" onto the desktop for her to use, like openoffice, firefox, and away she went.

Perfectly happy.

Had a bit of fun getting the printer working, but that's just the printer manufacturer being lazy and poviding sh*te drivers. I'm sure M$ pay them to do that!

Almost everything she does is web/email based, so the OS makes no difference. In fact she likes openoffice as it opens all the new word format attachments she gets sent by friends who have a newer version than she had on her old windows pc. (I didn't mention I could put openoffice on the old pc!).

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Stephen Hawking both British and not dead

Steve Evans
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@David Webb

"I'm thankful Hawkins is still alive today, he should be an inspiration to everyone of what a person with the most severe handicaps can do in life."

Indeed... Although American's don't seem to have a problem with handicaps, especially mental ones. They put them in places of power and authority!

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Exploding iPhone injures French teen

Steve Evans
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@Richard Scratcher

LOL!

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US bank deposits checks via iPhone camera

Steve Evans
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@Owen

In the UK the banks also have some creative techniques...

Generally this involved the money leaving your account the moment the cheque is presented, it then sits in the banks account for a few days earning interest, then eventually a couple of days later it appear in the account of whoever you wrote the cheque to.

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MPs urge more action on green IT

Steve Evans
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I bet...

I bet if I wandered round the house of commons at 2am several things would happen

1) I would find a load of PCs left on.

2) I would find a load of PCs left on that don't even have powersave enabled for the monitor, so the wobbly windows logo will be bouncing about on view all night

3) I would be shot.

Maybe our beloved leaders should insist that all future desktop machines they buy are atom based. I have an Acer Revo, which is wonderful, and sips at the electricity. Reviews complain about the 1.6Ghz atom being slow, but with a reasonable OS (i.e. not Vista, or probably W7) it's a perfectly usable desktop system. Come on, we were all perfectly happy to use sub gigahertz machines for word/excel only a few years ago.

Sure it's crap at playing the latest FPS, and it's movie playback is just passable. You wouldn't want to start editing your 12 megapixel Nikon raw files in photoshop either if you are in a hurry, or laying down some funky beats for your top 10 hit, but none of these things should be of any interest to the commons.

It will play movies from Youtube, so they will still be able to watch Gordon attempting to smile and look genuine.

Oh, and even better, it's cheap! £160 without an OS, and I'm sure HM Govt have already sold their souls to M$, so they'll have a nice volume licence install CD, so loads of money left to clear out the moats and install a plasma screen in the duck house.

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Electric car powers across land, ice and water

Steve Evans
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@Jacqui...

Form over function, welcome to the iEverything generation!

I wonder what the ride/noise is like with what are in effect solid tyres... I'm sure Mr Dunlop would be turning in his grave...

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iPhone solo loss stares O2 in the face

Steve Evans
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That explains it...

This explains why Orange can't be arsed to sort out their firmware on the N97 and get it released a month after it should have been released. It's appeared as a coming soon on their website and vanished again. Their call centre staff (even the ones in "I'm thinking of leaving Orange" bit) don't know what's going on. Some say they've dropped it, other say testing a new batch. It's been going on like this for several weeks.

If they think I'm going to be hanging about to buy the old model iPhone they have another thing coming.

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Boston student fined thousands for Napstering

Steve Evans
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So...

Where is a student supposed to get $675000... Apart from becoming a lawyer for the RIAA?

Might as well have made it a few million for all the hope they have of getting that. Even if he gets 50 years to pay it off it's still over £13000 a year... Plus I'm sure he'd have to pay interest!

@Mike 61, if Limewire is like most other P2P applications, you will be sharing the blocks you have completed whilst you are still downloading the others. So even if you immediately move the file upon completion, you could have still shared the first blocks many times.

In fact many of the RIAA's spy companies have applications which advertise the hashes of the tracks they represent onto the chosen P2P networks, and then they just wait to see who comes knocking to download them.

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N97 Mini pictures emerge

Steve Evans
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FAIL

Why bother?

They've done the same thing as they did with the N95 to N95 8gig... Namely removed useful things. The N95 lost it's lens cover too, and the microSD memory slot. I stuck with the original N95 and was happy.

How are you supposed to navigate on the N97mini? There is no navigation pad... All with touch screen? Yuck...

Then again, be nice for Vodafone to release a new follow up... Orange still haven't managed to release the first one... First there was silence, then there was "Coming soon", now that's vanished and the silence has returned. Bound to be their crappy customer firmware again...

Have a look at this blog... Almost a months worth of Orange not knowing what it's doing from the customer perspective.

http://www.tankslappa.com/blog/?p=24

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Amazon sued for sending 1984 down Orwellian memory hole

Steve Evans
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Ah...

Digital rights management... Where you purchase but never own...

Gotta love it!

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Mission control reacquires UK space cheddar

Steve Evans
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Silly people...

Of course it failed, you need some acid for the organic battery to work... Try sticking your copper and zinc electrodes into a lemon or a potato next time.

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SpinVox: The Inside Story

Steve Evans
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One one patent granted in the USA?

Poor show! Even my cat could manage to get at least three, and two of those would be new contorted shapes to sleep in.

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Barclays online banking borked

Steve Evans
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Still borked for me...

Still not working for me... Means I'm going to have to go to the branch and do it the old fashioned way.

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Steve Evans
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One other thing...

Their "email us" link goes to an html page, which is also on the faulty server, so that doesn't work either.

Brilliant.

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Apple says jailbroken iPhones endanger cell towers

Steve Evans
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WTF?

What?

How could they fail to mention it's also responsible for global warming, al qaeda and paedophiles?

Oh, and it's also an evil shade of purple.

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Average UK broadband just over half advertised speed

Steve Evans
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Local loop...

I don't need to do the speed test to check my speed. Any download I do gets 2Mbs and no more, and that is because that's as fast as my modem will sync to the exchange.

I'm on the outskirts of the M25 in Essex. I spent several years at 1Mbs because I couldn't get upgraded. Changed ISP and got to the current dizzying heights. My signal to noise is not going to let me get any more.

I have run my own high quality twisted pair from the BT box on the front wall. It goes into an active filter that splits the ADSL from the rest of the phone sockets under the stairs with my router and a CAT5 feeding onto my LAN.

Different routers have made very little difference, although I must say my current £25 ZyXel P-660R is probably the most stable.

I can do no more to take advantage of my "up to 8meg" package. Just sit and use a maximum of 25% of it. Although I'm sure if I do that I'd get capped!

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IE icon too familiar for Microsoft EU settlement?

Steve Evans
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Just out of curiosity...

I installed Opera 9.6 (I'm usually a Firefox user). I did try Opera several years ago, but uninstalled it in disgust when I found that pressing enter at the end of the URL didn't make it load that page - I had to get the mouse and click a button to start it.

I see this at least works in 9.6... However, upon starting I presented with a startup page from http://portal1.opera.com/startup/

Which doesn't appear correctly! I can see there are 3 boxes on the left labelled 1, 2 and 3, but they are actually only 50% the height they need to be to show the 1,2 and 3, so the numbers have their bottoms chopped off... If there is anything else in those boxes I don't know! I think there is supposed to be as the page is otherwise meaningless. (No I can't be bothered to check the HTML source!).

I have tried the page in Chrome, FF3 and IE, and it's broken in all of them. Curiously only Opera and Chrome try to show numbers, FF3 and IE show white arrows in blue circles instead.

So it's not actually a c*ck up in Opera's rendering, but it is a c*ck up in their ability to write HTML! Doesn't fill me with confidence!

Having said all that, their mobile browser is actually very good. I've been using it on my N95 for years.

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Steve Evans
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Oh FFS (2)

Will they stop moaning... They're just sore cos the Opera logo is just an O, which is basically shite!

Just admit it, you're jealous cos M$ managed to make an e into a planet and you never thought about that despite already having a letter the right shape!

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Blyk goes bye-bye

Steve Evans
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@A/C 15:06

Nice try, but freetards don't/can't use punctuation. Probably because they don't actually stop to take in oxygen (their brain requires so little). So it should be more of a Vicky Pollard style uber-sentence.

"omfg you want me to pay for somefink you are scum and it's shit you offshore everyfink to china you money grabbing low life like i mean 1p for a dvd thats like rip off yo scum omg i want everything free including my house like my mum and my dads"

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AVG update gags iTunes

Steve Evans
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Sounds fair...

A resource hogging wobbly pile of sh*t... Yup, sounds suspicious to me too.

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Labour MP quits over McKinnon extradition vote

Steve Evans
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Party politics...

With the way the sheep follow the whip, we might as well just have 3 MPs and reduce the expenses and paperwork.

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Tory landslide inevitable - maybe

Steve Evans
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@Beelzeebub

Or snake their way out by saying it's not a constitution, it's now a treaty, we only promised a vote on a constitution.

I can't believe we don't have a way to pass a vote of no confidence on an entire government, at any time. That would keep them on their toes.

As for needing software to predict Mr Broon, our unelected president, will be going to talk to the boys and asking them for a new cushy job after the next election... isn't that like using a Cray to answer 2+2?

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O2 leaves travellers in the lurch

Steve Evans
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Megaphone

Ah...

O2 may have been removed from the BT tree, but it looks like they still follow the business model...

Build infrastructure

Then continue to milk and over-subscribe the infrastructure, whilst performing pitiful maintenance, upgrades and disaster prevention/analysis.

@pctechxp - Yes I work in IT. The systems I am involved with are required real time, kind of like ummm I dunno, say a telephone network. Which is why we have multiple sites, multiple internet providers, multiple power sources and redundancy at every level. You could nuke all but one of my sites and full service would still remain.

So far JCB digger man has never managed to take down more than one at a time.

So yes, I have had systems down, but it has *never* impacted my users/customers.

I hope you would be this forgiving when stranded at Heathrow for several days because someone decided air-traffic control needed no redundancy.

Megaphone - Cos it's a more reliable form of communication than O2!

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Network Solutions breach exposed 500k card accounts

Steve Evans
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Great!

"We have been working around the clock to get this announcement ready"

How about working round the clock to actually do something useful, like, I dunno, maybe some network admin, IDS, you know, that boring stuff!

It's not so much the fact that their server were owned that I find shocking, it's that they were owned for 3 months!

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Startup crafts DVD-Rs for the 31st century

Steve Evans
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@Adam 52

Hopefully in 1000 years, Lawyers will have been made illegal...

Then again, given the way patents are issued these days, I imagine the entire planet populated by lawyers, nobody produces anything new, and they spend their days issuing counter suits to each other...

In this light, maybe DVD will still be a known media format!

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Security researchers unpick botnet economics

Steve Evans
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A question I've often wondered...

If you're in the market for a load of credit card details how do you go about it?

Surely you won't want to give your card details to a shadowy figure who makes a living from selling card details!

And as the shadowy figure selling card details, would you trust a prospective customer who is after card details, to be purchasing with a genuine one?

So how is the financial transaction carried out? The shadowy figures obviously needs this to be unregulated and untraceable or they'd get caught/shutdown.

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Lexus unveils hybrid

Steve Evans
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The problem is...

The fuel consumption figures might be impressive for a vehicle of its size, but if you really wanted to be green you'd get yourself something far simpler, smaller and lighter.

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Picsel Technologies goes dark

Steve Evans
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@A/C 21:21

The Acorn kit isn't that odd really. Most mobiles have ARM chips inside, and ARM is an offshoot of Acorn. The Archimedes being the first consumer machine based on the technology.

If those really were the Phoebe machines, you just saw both of them! Rumour has it they only made two prototypes!

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Nokia sees sales, shipments and profits slide

Steve Evans
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@A/C 16:00

I don't know what you do to your telephones but I've never broken a Nokia.

6310, 7650, 6600, N70, N95 and a few older ones whos model number I have long since forgotten. All working perfectly last time I used them, and would probably still work if I could find the box they're in... Might need a new battery, but hey, user serviceable! ;-)

The N95 has been dropped, had cola spilt on it when it was only 3 days old (thanks to my younger brother) closely followed by me running it under the tap (the logic being that water has got to be safer than cola!), and it's still working perfectly.

Sure the early firmware was a bit iffy, bad battery life etc, but within a month the new firmware arrived and it's been great ever since. Each new firmware release has added little things. 2 years of daily use and abuse, no complaints.

I web browse with mine with Opera Mini, I use VOIP and IM with fring. I take pictures and send emails.

It did start to clog up a bit when I had over 2000 messages in the SMS inbox, but come on, what do you expect. Backup the messages to the PC (just in case), wipe the inbox and then try to be a bit more tidy in future!

As soon as Orange decide to release the N97 I'll be popping into one of their shops for a play, then if I like it, on the phone to upgrade line to barter a good price.

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Vulture Central plans Brit-Yank dictionary

Steve Evans
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Happy

Pronounciation...

Oh I'm glad I'm not alone with the rOWter cringe.

For the 'merkins, we pronounce the network device "Roo-ter", and the woodwork tool "rOWter".

Also Jaguar is pronounced Jag-You-Are, not JagWaaaah.

Oh, and 'merkin is slang for American... Cos a brit saying "A Merkin" sounds like an American saying "American"... It also happens to be a pubic wig, which just seals the deal in my book!

To go out and get pissed on a Friday night is a normal evening involving no anger. It is also quite common to nip outside work and suck on a fag for five minutes.

Saying "You're mad/crazy" to someone in the UK never seems to cause the same look of horror you get if you say it to a foreigner. I can only assume the rest of the planet are having doubts about their sanity or anger management.

UK ----- US

Tramp = Bum

Bum = Ass / fanny

Arse = Ass

Ass = Mule

For some reason there seem to be a huge number of words only one step away from your backside.

Talking of which... In the UK, a Lady will not ask if her fanny looks big in something, and nobody has a fanny bag!

Use of such words will cause instant smirks from all Brits in a 100ft radius.

Oh, and just because we're lumped in with Europe, don't sit there going um and erm when it comes to measurements and such like, we can use both metric and imperial (we've been using them longer than you have!), and hop back and forth between them depending on which is the nicest number. Much to the annoyance of the French.

Annoying the French is our reason d'etre after all :-)

And remember, just when you think you understand everything an Englishman says, he can just switch to English English (See Austin Powers sketch with Michael Caine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgPH0tYXJrA).

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Zombies bite into Symbian smartphones

Steve Evans
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FAIL

First known...

Except for the previous version...

Ermmmm....

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Endeavour heads for ISS on sixth try

Steve Evans
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Crammed?

13 people in 240 feet is hardly cramming them in! That's over 17 feet each!

Transport for London would get thousands into that kinda space (I mean the 17 feet, I can't calculate how many they'd get into 240 feet!)

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Google data center born without chillers

Steve Evans
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My idea...

They really should install data centres next to municipal swimming pools and saunas.

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Fancy dropping into Pitetsbkrrh?

Steve Evans
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@mittfh

It's never a good idea to blindly use an online translator, have you not seen the Asian bar?

http://failblog.org/2008/07/22/translation-fail/

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