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* Posts by Steve Evans

2361 posts • joined 17 Apr 2007

Google patents (2004) home page

Steve Evans
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Ah...

So they haven't patented the "bork bork" language version?

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German inventor gushes over portable women's weebag

Steve Evans
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@Code Monkey

Agreed. The Germans are obviously not fully up to speed on the English girls who now drink pints during their binges, and therefore flow in quantities formerly only achieved by men.

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iPhone MMS hits US on September 25

Steve Evans
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Ahhh how sweet....

Dear America, welcome to the 21st century!

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Apple Store pillaged in 31 seconds

Steve Evans
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Jobs Horns

Oh...

I always thought it was their prices that made shopping an "uncrowded, casual experience"

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Men far worse than women on password security

Steve Evans
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Unfortunatey...

These surveys only reflect the male and female habits of people who fill out surveys.

I don't know about the rest of you, but if the list of questions has a scroll bar on the side, or worse a "Next" button on the bottom, it's going to get skipped.

I'm a busy man, I have 126 individual passwords to change.

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Secret US spontaneous human combustion beam tested

Steve Evans
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And....

What about the other useful performance information... Rate of fire...

Come to think of it, how long did they need to keep the beam trained on this dangerous unoccupied stationary vehicle. I guess we're all assuming the Sci-fi kind of pow-booom hit, but that's a bit of an assumption. For all we know it was slowly cooked over several seconds like beans in a microwave, not something which would be easy with a moving vehicle, especially when the driver notices things are getting warm and makes evasive moves.

Oh well... I guess in future all military movement will be carried out under cover of fog, or maybe all desert vehicles will just have a big dust blowing fan fitted to the top, or maybe just a mirror.

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Gmail in massive web outage

Steve Evans
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"Cloud" cuckoo land

As has been recently demonstrated by hordes of lost iPhone owners, who suddenly found their O2 provided data connection was no longer feeding them their google maps, anyone who puts their complete trust in systems which they have no control over, and no contact point to shout at, really does deserve what they get.

Always have a backup, take a paper map, and only use gmail as a front end to a real mail server which you can still pop/smtp with :-)

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Dole bludger fined for BNP leak

Steve Evans
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I wonder....

I wonder how they found this genius... I bet him and his wife were the only recent party members who weren't on the leaked list :-)

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California child kidnapper stalked Street View van

Steve Evans
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stalking the google car?

He'd have to be pretty damn quick on his feet to see the google car, get the van keys, run to the van, start it and get down his drive before the car has even finished passing his house!

Or do google cars "cruise" at <1mph?

So I vote for him using his van to go somewhere, what a novelty.

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O2 just can't keep it up

Steve Evans
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Tut tut...

Relying on a data connection for your maps has always struck me as far too much faith in technology. I'm far happier with Nokia maps' pre-loading ability.

I also have paper maps in the car in case of a terminal technology failure, and I'm also known to check routes before departing (shock horror!). Then again I'm one of those rare few who can still read road signs, and doesn't just blindly follow sat navs down rivers and over cliffs.

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5 men named in racket that netted $4m in stolen card data

Steve Evans
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Security joke

Most of the card industry is a security joke.

Even when they're not getting data stolen en-mass, they impliment things like chip and pin which are inherently flawed.

It used to be that a shop would actually touch and look at the card and your signature.

Since chip and pin you don't even hand the card over. You stick it into the slot and punch in the numbers.

This means there is sod all chance of me, a white male, being spotted using the card of "Mrs Jones", "Mr Mohamed" or "Mr Singh". All of which might have been noticed in the past.

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South Africa official calls for 'outright ban' on pornography

Steve Evans
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@Matt 89

"40% unemployment, 3rd world Education system

Endemic Corruption at all levels of government"

They're just following the model set by us in the UK!

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Caviar Black gets 2TB model

Steve Evans
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@Annihilator

Unfortunately in my recent experience, 400 and 500gig RE2 drives, a lot *does* go wrong. I've had at least 50% of the 500gig drives fail, and all the 400gig drives failed. When they fail they just start going into the "spin up, click click click, spin down repeat until false" loop.

Luckily as they were all in raid configurations I was able to replace each drive before the next failure on all but one occasion when two failed within a day of each other, and I was out of spares. Due to the high death rate I had already experienced I had been very strict with my backup schedules, so I didn't loose anything important.

However it has made me very very wary of WD RE drives. Especially as there seems to have been little to no coverage of the problems in the eMedia, despite plenty of forum chatter. Maybe if they renamed themselves to Apple/Microsoft they might have picked up a grilling.

In comparison a test trial with cheap 1TB Samsung spinpoint drives has worked faultlessly for months. Maybe I should focus more on the "I" in RAID... Inexpensive

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Spanish boy racer cuffed for snapping self on mobe

Steve Evans
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Pah!

"Unsurprisingly, he was held in custody pending an appearance before the beak."

Well actually as a brit I do find that quite astonishing. Over here he'd get a lift home, many chances to do a runner again, before finally being sentenced to 200 hours of community service and having 6 points put on the licence he doesn't have.

@SmallYellowFuzzyDuck - You're not wrong. When I lived out there for a while I discovered that the much repeated stricter DD limits are generally ignored by the population. I regularly saw people barely able to stand, driving down the mountain round after a night in a mountain side bar. Unfortunately I never saw any of them go over the sheer drop!

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iPhone thieves collared by Jobsian GPS

Steve Evans
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They should count themsleves lucky...

The Jobsian device's remote detonation feature hadn't been activated!

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'External force' fractured French iPhones, says Apple

Steve Evans
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So...

Apple say an external force was applied to the screen?

You mean kinda like how a touch screen is used?!

I too know someone with a broken screen iPhone. He did say it was his fault as he dropped it. Not sure quite what he dropped it onto, or from how high. All I know is I've never broken a screen on any of my non-apple phones, even the one that flew out of the open window during a car accident was fine, and able to ring the recovery people once I'd found where it had landed!

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Fire at Google UK

Steve Evans
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Chortle...

@Rob 101 - Very good :-)

I think I'm going to go with the iPhone left on wooden decking surface.

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Blazing laptop of death claims one

Steve Evans
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hasn't released the manufacturer...

Well we all know what that means don't we... NDA...

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Windows 7: Microsoft's three missed opportunities

Steve Evans
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Can someone explain to me...

What's the great fascination with wiping greasy fingerprints all over your screen?

I can see a vague advantage on a mobile phone where you don't have the option of a mouse, but on a real computer a mouse is always going to more accurate than stabbing your digital on the screen... Plus if course when your finger is on the screen, you can't actually see what is under it any more!

Oh sorry, I forgot, we all use a stylus, nobody pokes their finger on the screen do they.

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Yahoo! News confused on theft of Lego giraffe's todger

Steve Evans
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Hmmm...

"A more prosaic version"... Surely you mean "A more mosaic version"

Mine's the one with the lego technic racing car in the pocket.

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Electric motorcycle world championships planned

Steve Evans
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Hmmm...

I'm not sure the sound of two wheel milkfloats is really going to have the appeal of 1000cc of ducati!

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Facebook to hire like it's 1999

Steve Evans
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Not a moment too soon...

Given the number of times I have seen the facebook error box appear in the last couple of days they need some more staff!

If they continue with this kind of stability I might actually have to do some bl**dy work!

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Doctor investigated for posting inkblots to Wikipedia

Steve Evans
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Oh dear...

I've just had a look at the 10 prints on wiki, and although I did match up with a few of the obvious bat, bird, people answers, some of my other interpretations weren't even on the charts!

Some of their guideline interpretations seriously depend on particular social backgrounds. One of them has a suggested interpretation of "animal skin", now I can't remember the last time I saw an animal skin, so it's hardly likely to be the first thing that comes to mind. It does however look like my table cloth after I spilt my coffee on it yesterday!

To me number 10 looks like a carnival by the Eiffel tower!

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Model-slag blogger sues Google for blowing her cover

Steve Evans
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Oh dear...

If you're gonna slag someone of, at least learn how to "really" be anonymous on the internet!

Sure, she's pretty fit as a clothes horse, but IT skills seriously lacking...

What's her cooking and ironing like?

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4chan pwns Christians on Facebook

Steve Evans
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I assume....

... they will be turning the other cheek?

- and getting that slapped too!

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Microsoft goes Darwinian with evolutionary tree patent

Steve Evans
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@Lee

I hope that's not an American accusing the UK of trading morals/anything in favour of an oil deal...

If it is then he should research the word "Irony"

Plus IIRC, Mr Bush passed a law allowing for the detention of people *suspected* of terror offences which includes no right to a phone call or legal representation... AKA you disappear.

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Steve Evans
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The year is 2100...

... nothing has been invented in the US for at least 50 years. Herds of lawyers charge about this once productive land in their German saloons throwing law suits at anyone even contemplating inventing something. This in turn is then met with counter suits from herds working on behalf of the would be inventor. Once productive land is now a patchwork of golf courses, law courts and BMW dealerships. The courts are open 24/7, but even so most suits must wait at least 8 years before being heard.

The US patent office now covers an area exceeding Texas.

All paper has to be imported. The last tree in the US was cut down to make court papers filed against Mr Zak J Trudawitz in 2035. Mr Trudawitz, a farmer, had insisted on describing his product as a "Strawberry" in contravention to the patent on all fruit names granted to Mr S Jobs of Cupertino, CA in 2028.

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London hospital recovers from Conficker outbreak

Steve Evans
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Oh good...

They can't even immunise themselves against something that was cured in an update 10 months ago.... what hope have we got when the swine flu hits?! We're all gonna die...

DIE!!!!!

*runs screaming into the street*

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Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch peril

Steve Evans
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If methane is so bad...

Surely the easiest solution is to fit a pilot light on the back end of the cows.

This might also improve the lighting on dark country lanes at night.

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Trading in The Pirate Bay bidder stopped over deal funding

Steve Evans
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Pirate

down and down...

The longer they string this out, the smaller that database is going to get.

Give it a month and I'll be able to buy TPB with my remaining credit card balance.

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Orange prices up LG 3G watchphone for UK

Steve Evans
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Ahhh...

Nice to know what Orange have been doing instead of getting the N97 working with their crippled firmware...

I'm sure a watch phone is a worthy investment of their time... Oh hang on a second... It's not the feckin' 80s anymore... There's a credit crunch... We don't have any yuppies who would be stupid enough to want one of these!

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GGF plans to steer The Pirate Bay freeloaders straight

Steve Evans
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Glug glug glug...

She's takin' on water captain...

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Man catches MSI laptop with... his arse

Steve Evans
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Ummmm....

Not quite sure what message they are trying to purvey here...

1) MSI netbook - Shifts those stubborn cling-ons

2) MSI netbook - Whatever you do, don't try to use it as a computer, it's better as a frisbee

3) MSI netbook - There's a reason it smells funny

4) MSI netbook - If you worry about what they do to you pizza in the kitchen, you really don't want to see what we do to your netbook

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IT Crowd writer defends NHS

Steve Evans
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Aye...

It's just a pity about their new number...

0118 999 881 999 119 725

3

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Minister attacks drunken topless lovelies with tangler-bazooka

Steve Evans
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Tangle in the propellor...

So completely useless against a jet boat, or jetski then.

If I were a crazy terrorist, a jetski would def be high on my list... Fast, manoeuvrable, very shallow draft for an escape up a small river... That's assuming I want to escape and haven't just blown all my limbs to the points of the compass of course.

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Les Paul dies at 94

Steve Evans
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Pint

RIP

Les, thanks you. May you rest in a beautiful symphony of sustained notes,

I shall raise a bottled drink to you, and when empty, play slide guitar with it.

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Orange repeals unpopular price changes

Steve Evans
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FAIL

Didn't tell me...

First I've heard of it. I had notification of a change to their off-tariff data rates, which basically means if you are an occasional user you'll get have your data bill doubled.

Orange customer relations are pretty shit these days. Just ring them up and ask where the N97 upgrade is. Not only do they not have it (still screwing about breaking it with their orange firmware I guess), but every time you ring you get a different load of bolloxs explaining if and when they will have it.

My PAC is sitting on my desk

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Dell: Linux v Windows netbook returns a 'non-issue'

Steve Evans
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My mother...

I bought my mother a netbook for Christmas.

Being an evil tight fisted son it had Linux on it.

After the initial "Oh, that looks different", I showed were things were, put some nice "shortcuts" onto the desktop for her to use, like openoffice, firefox, and away she went.

Perfectly happy.

Had a bit of fun getting the printer working, but that's just the printer manufacturer being lazy and poviding sh*te drivers. I'm sure M$ pay them to do that!

Almost everything she does is web/email based, so the OS makes no difference. In fact she likes openoffice as it opens all the new word format attachments she gets sent by friends who have a newer version than she had on her old windows pc. (I didn't mention I could put openoffice on the old pc!).

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Stephen Hawking both British and not dead

Steve Evans
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@David Webb

"I'm thankful Hawkins is still alive today, he should be an inspiration to everyone of what a person with the most severe handicaps can do in life."

Indeed... Although American's don't seem to have a problem with handicaps, especially mental ones. They put them in places of power and authority!

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Exploding iPhone injures French teen

Steve Evans
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@Richard Scratcher

LOL!

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US bank deposits checks via iPhone camera

Steve Evans
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@Owen

In the UK the banks also have some creative techniques...

Generally this involved the money leaving your account the moment the cheque is presented, it then sits in the banks account for a few days earning interest, then eventually a couple of days later it appear in the account of whoever you wrote the cheque to.

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MPs urge more action on green IT

Steve Evans
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I bet...

I bet if I wandered round the house of commons at 2am several things would happen

1) I would find a load of PCs left on.

2) I would find a load of PCs left on that don't even have powersave enabled for the monitor, so the wobbly windows logo will be bouncing about on view all night

3) I would be shot.

Maybe our beloved leaders should insist that all future desktop machines they buy are atom based. I have an Acer Revo, which is wonderful, and sips at the electricity. Reviews complain about the 1.6Ghz atom being slow, but with a reasonable OS (i.e. not Vista, or probably W7) it's a perfectly usable desktop system. Come on, we were all perfectly happy to use sub gigahertz machines for word/excel only a few years ago.

Sure it's crap at playing the latest FPS, and it's movie playback is just passable. You wouldn't want to start editing your 12 megapixel Nikon raw files in photoshop either if you are in a hurry, or laying down some funky beats for your top 10 hit, but none of these things should be of any interest to the commons.

It will play movies from Youtube, so they will still be able to watch Gordon attempting to smile and look genuine.

Oh, and even better, it's cheap! £160 without an OS, and I'm sure HM Govt have already sold their souls to M$, so they'll have a nice volume licence install CD, so loads of money left to clear out the moats and install a plasma screen in the duck house.

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Electric car powers across land, ice and water

Steve Evans
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@Jacqui...

Form over function, welcome to the iEverything generation!

I wonder what the ride/noise is like with what are in effect solid tyres... I'm sure Mr Dunlop would be turning in his grave...

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iPhone solo loss stares O2 in the face

Steve Evans
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That explains it...

This explains why Orange can't be arsed to sort out their firmware on the N97 and get it released a month after it should have been released. It's appeared as a coming soon on their website and vanished again. Their call centre staff (even the ones in "I'm thinking of leaving Orange" bit) don't know what's going on. Some say they've dropped it, other say testing a new batch. It's been going on like this for several weeks.

If they think I'm going to be hanging about to buy the old model iPhone they have another thing coming.

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Boston student fined thousands for Napstering

Steve Evans
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So...

Where is a student supposed to get $675000... Apart from becoming a lawyer for the RIAA?

Might as well have made it a few million for all the hope they have of getting that. Even if he gets 50 years to pay it off it's still over £13000 a year... Plus I'm sure he'd have to pay interest!

@Mike 61, if Limewire is like most other P2P applications, you will be sharing the blocks you have completed whilst you are still downloading the others. So even if you immediately move the file upon completion, you could have still shared the first blocks many times.

In fact many of the RIAA's spy companies have applications which advertise the hashes of the tracks they represent onto the chosen P2P networks, and then they just wait to see who comes knocking to download them.

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N97 Mini pictures emerge

Steve Evans
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FAIL

Why bother?

They've done the same thing as they did with the N95 to N95 8gig... Namely removed useful things. The N95 lost it's lens cover too, and the microSD memory slot. I stuck with the original N95 and was happy.

How are you supposed to navigate on the N97mini? There is no navigation pad... All with touch screen? Yuck...

Then again, be nice for Vodafone to release a new follow up... Orange still haven't managed to release the first one... First there was silence, then there was "Coming soon", now that's vanished and the silence has returned. Bound to be their crappy customer firmware again...

Have a look at this blog... Almost a months worth of Orange not knowing what it's doing from the customer perspective.

http://www.tankslappa.com/blog/?p=24

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Amazon sued for sending 1984 down Orwellian memory hole

Steve Evans
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Ah...

Digital rights management... Where you purchase but never own...

Gotta love it!

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Mission control reacquires UK space cheddar

Steve Evans
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Silly people...

Of course it failed, you need some acid for the organic battery to work... Try sticking your copper and zinc electrodes into a lemon or a potato next time.

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SpinVox: The Inside Story

Steve Evans
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One one patent granted in the USA?

Poor show! Even my cat could manage to get at least three, and two of those would be new contorted shapes to sleep in.

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Barclays online banking borked

Steve Evans
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Still borked for me...

Still not working for me... Means I'm going to have to go to the branch and do it the old fashioned way.

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