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* Posts by Steve Evans

2376 posts • joined 17 Apr 2007

Dr Who scores new companion from Emmerdale

Steve Evans
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Re: Who's better, Who's best

Now I like Pertwee, and I like Baker - but which one is better?

There's only one way to fine out...

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Nokia invents teeny throbbing tattoos to make your skin crawl

Steve Evans
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"The coil doesn't have to be hand-drawn, but it works better that way"

Chortle.

That is all.

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Testicle-boiling new iPad ignites fanboi fury

Steve Evans
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Re: did you notice

Hmmm... I think we need El Reg units.

Now I don't think 44 degrees is too much for a minstrel to melt, but I imagine a creme egg would be toast, and toast would be err, bread.

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Symbian smacked by Windows Phone

Steve Evans
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@Tim Walker...

I'm still got my N95... Unlocked and latest firmware, it's a great little backup phone. Nice big MicroSD in it and it's a perfect MP3 player and FM radio. I take it with me onto the mountain me when I go snowboarding and it's survived everything I've thrown at it - unlike several of my ribs and my arm!

Plus the battery lasts for days, not hours :-)

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Steve Evans
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Speaks volumes that it took over a year to do that, and involved Nokia being assimilated by the Elop and murdering their own child.

Hey, Nokia, just think what you could have done if you'd cut down on the meetings and just got on with progressing the Symbian OS and supporting your customer base!

For the record I'm one of the Symbian losses and Android gains... but I jumped ship a few months before the Elop arrived, I had the N97 experience, which wasn't too bad, but the Nokia after sales "care" (read "couldn't give a shit attitude") made me go elsewhere for my phone after 10+ years of Nokias. So it doesn't matter what OS they put on the phone, I will remember being treated like shit for quite a while.

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FAA mulls scrapping in-flight iPad, Kindle ban

Steve Evans
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Re: Won't you think about the children???

Ahhh, a down vote...

So which one... French or Italian?

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Steve Evans
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Won't you think about the children???

How can they think such things? Have they not seen the number of planes which fall from the sky on a daily basis because people leave their devices turned on?

I saw parts of a 747 scattered about a street only last night. Mr Cruise from down the road was looking at it.

Oh, hang on, that was War of the Worlds wasn't it.

So in summary, I'll be more worried about having a French crew or an Italian Captain. Then again, not many life boats to accidentally fall into on a plane.

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Pair of double-As give you cheap, quick charge

Steve Evans
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Re: Better still...

Ah yes, you've not lived until you have had the Spanish taxi experience.

It's still etch in my mind, strange considering my eyes were closed most of the time!

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Steve Evans
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9v into 5v reg? Not exactly efficient... Burning off 4 volts to start with, and a PP3 is both pricey and low capacity to start with.

Better to get 4xAAs and then use the 5v reg, you'll probably get a full charge from that.

Better still...

Work out where you are staying before you leave home and preload your google map tiles onto your phone before you start roaming ya muppet!

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Apple Store staff outnumber queues as new iPad goes on sale

Steve Evans
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"One bloke, who had waited for five hours from 3am for the doors to open, decided to hang around the shop for a while afterwards rather than race home with his new slab. He hadn't tried his iPad yet, adding: "No, no, first I'll go home, relax and then I'll take it out." "

What? You sat about in the cold since 3am, for what? To socialise with the staff? Can't you get any real friends of your own (don't answer that)? There are going to be people who arrived at 9am who are going to have used the thing before you!

The dictionary definition of sad has just got a new example.

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Death Star SUCKS PLASMA FROM SUN in NASA riddle vid

Steve Evans
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Coat

Re: Nope

Groan...

Here, please take your coat.

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Underwater Greek volcano brewing Lara Croft style earthquake

Steve Evans
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"If the caldera erupts underwater, it could cause local tsunamis and affect boat traffic, including cruise ships"

Shhhhh! Keep your voice down... All those Italian captains jumping over the side could cause a Tsunami all on their own!

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Microsoft warns of RDP attack within next 30 days

Steve Evans
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Re: Public IPs only?

"That's what I was thinking. If the firewall blocks RDP traffic and one needs a VPN to get access - surely the risk is low? If the network is so compromised as to allow this attack, then the compnay in question has much, much bigger problems."

So because the door is locked you feel safe to leave the family jewels on the kitchen table?

Don't forget that a fair amount of unauthorised access is performed from inside a company network.

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Finders of lost mobes can't resist staring at privates

Steve Evans
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Pint

Re: Password protect it and you don't get it back.

I actually had a fun evening of hunt the owner a few months ago. I found the phone on a pub seat where two girls had been sitting. Me and my friends enjoyed our beers expecting the girls to return any minute. They didn't, so I rang the last number the owner had called, hoping it was the person they were with that evening. It wasn't, it was a work mate. I explained what had happened and he tried to guess who the friend was from my description, and call them. No luck.

What followed was akin to a keystone cops chase with him suggesting every drinking establishment in the area where they could have gone, and us lot having a drink in pretty much all of them.

Eventually we gave up on the grounds of imminent liver failure, but agreed we had got to visit some very interesting and new establishments!

The next day I received a call from the owner, and arranged to return the phone later in the week when I was back in the area, in the mean time I offered to download all the contact details and send them over so she wouldn't be without numbers. She was a little surprised this was even possible, but gratefully accepted.

The phone was eventually returned, and I earned some more beer for my troubles :-)

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New iPads to hit Apple stores on Friday

Steve Evans
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..and I'm sure the rumour mill will start churning on that one within the week.

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Windows 8: Thrown into a multi-tasking mosh pit

Steve Evans
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Yuck...

I've had a few minutes of play with 8 & Metro, and it's horrible.

The thought that I have been left with is that M$ seem to be committed to some crazy idea of a "unified user experience" across all devices, something which even Apple realise is a stupid thing to do.

Maybe M$ will use this as some anti iStuff advertising ammo, "You use our desktop like you use our tablet, or our mobile"...

The problem is a scratch and sniff touch interface is designed for big fat fingers prodding on a small screen. A desktop machine with a huge monitor and several hundred DPI optical mouse doesn't need 200x200 pixel squares to click, you can easily hit a 16x16, and use the rest of the screen real-estate for more information and other stuff.

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Apple resellers left to pick bones of dwindling iPad stocks

Steve Evans
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Re: One born every minute

Or.

"Apple continue to be completely incompetent when it comes to introducing a new model."

Or (more accurately)

"Gutter press continue to be completely incompetent as Apple once again plays them like a virtuoso."

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Solar storm arrives, nobody notices

Steve Evans
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SHHHHHHH!

We've successfully blamed three issue on solar flare activity today, don't ruin it!

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STUNNING NEW APPLE DEVICES that will follow the iPad 3 HD!

Steve Evans
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Re: no touch

Indeed. The mystical device is not a keyboard.

It is a board of keys.

Sorry, board of ikeys.

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FSF fandroids fight to 'free' Android from Google's forepaws

Steve Evans
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Re: Replicant

If I've read the bits of news correctly, this is what the Cyanogenmod team are trying to do with V9.

Why FSF feels the need to start yet another branch is beyond me, why can't they just help the CM team?

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Eric Schmidt flicks INTERSTELLAR TOWEL at top tech fair

Steve Evans
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Re: Screw the technology

I'm sorry Sir, we're out of stock at the moment.

I can however offer you a smack round the head with this slice of lemon...

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Steve Evans
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Still waiting...

I'm still waiting for a fish I can stick in my ear.

Until this happens I will remain unable to communicate with my Geordie friend after he has drunk 4 beers.

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Ford: kick your car to open the boot

Steve Evans
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Well if the rumours were correct, they forgot that with the original airbag systems... The idea was that an impact would trigger the airbag and unlock the doors.

Unfortunately it also worked when the car was parked and locked. So all a thief had to do was whack the front bumper with a 4x2 to trigger the airbag system and the doors would open.

As I said, it's just a rumour I heard, so it's probably bull. Although I seen enough evidence of stupidity from manufacturers in my time to be left 50/50 on this one!

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Steve Evans
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So...

So I've got my arms full of heavy shopping, and you want me to stand on one leg and swing my free foot about, not get smacked in the chin by the opening boot lid, all whilst retaining a grip on the shopping?

What is this, some kind of US Highway Patrol drink drive test?

How about something useful like speech recognition? I'd love to be able to open the boot with a stream of verbal obscenities.

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UK.gov holds summit to stop satnav-driven smash-ups

Steve Evans
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...

"However, the main reasons the satnavs cause problems is because it can take months for map updates from local councils to make their way onto the gadgets."

And the rest... What about those who bought the satnav, and then don't sign up (with ££) for a subscription which provides updates?

Anyone that follows a satnav into a river, over a cliff, or down a footpath should be hit with an "Undue care and attention" conviction. A few of those and it's bye bye licence, so they'll either learn to look where they a bl**dy well going, or be removed from our roads. The latter would seem to be for the common good.

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BT, TalkTalk lose final appeal against Digital Economy Act

Steve Evans
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Big Brother

I for one do not welcome our big brother overlords.

So, have us peasants got any form of appeal against a warning, or are UK pensioners doomed to receive three warnings for downloading west coast gangstar rap before being banished from the intarweb?

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Hello? You'll never guess where I am ... I'm under a ferry

Steve Evans
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Re: accidental roaming

Note to everyone.

Settings, network selection: Manual!

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Steve Evans
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Re: Je suis dans la train!

Big difference that will make, nobody ever polices such policies.

I remember sitting in the quiet carriage of a C2C train from Fenchurch Street. There was a guy (I have more colourful names I could use, but have controlled myself) who spent the entirety of my journey listening to some god-awful rap music played out through the high fidelity speakers (5Khz-8Khz +-1db) of his mobile.

Honestly, how can anyone think that sounds good or impressive, or was he just wanting to get into an argument?

At least if he had a ghetto blaster I would have had something I could have hit him with!

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Steve Evans
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Mobile underground

I was quite surprised to discover the Metro in Budapest had coverage. I say surprised because my phone started ringing in the middle of a tunnel.

Odd thing was I'd been in the city for three days, and in that entire time I hadn't heard a single phone ring, or anyone talking loudly.

Maybe they're just more polite than the people on the London Underground.

So for my loudly ringing phone, I humbly apologise.

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SHOCK: RIM PlayBook outsells Apple iPad

Steve Evans
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Re: Don't take the sales figures too seriously........

Yes indeed!

In fact looking at the USA for any kind of mobile phone stats is grossly misleading. They'd hardly heard of Nokia before it got taken over by Elop and assimilated into the MS collective.

Have they even sorted out the cross network SMS interconnects yet? Last time I tried to text a friend in FL it never arrived, yet I can text friends in every country in Europe, Australia and Russia without any problems what so ever - well, unless they have a blackberry, then it's always better to email. In fact bad SMS interconnects *are* the reason the blackberry became so dominant. Whilst the rest of the world was happily using SMS to send short messages, the only way you could do this reliably in the US was to send an email.

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Samsung worker confirms April launch for Galaxy S III

Steve Evans
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Re: What's starting to worry me...

Indeed. A friend of mine bought a Mac Book Pro thingy, it actually turned out to be the cheapest way to get the hardware spec he wanted. How times have changed eh?!

He then installed Win 7 on it.

I've dared him to take it to the genius bar if it develops a problem.

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Steve Evans
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But...

Will the damn thing have a notification light?

I honestly can't believe the S2 doesn't have one. I stood there gob-smacked when shown it by a work mate. Seriously, you have to turn the damn screen on every time you have walked away from your desk, just to see if you've missed anything.

Daftest thing I've ever seen.

Glad there are 101 other 'droids with lights for me to chose from.

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Weeing Frenchman sues Google over Street View photo

Steve Evans
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Re: Legal or not

Sounds like standard student digs to me!

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Steve Evans
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Re: Pics...

Is that *the* picture?

He looks like he's just standing there. Couldn't tell he was Oui'ing at all.

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Archos touts Android tablets for toddlers

Steve Evans
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Re: In my limited experience*,

I would think the most important feature for kiddy friendly would be being water/drink proof.

That speaker grill on the end looks rather permeable to me.

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MWC: Inscrutable slogans, Google toys and the invisible Apple

Steve Evans
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Accelerating mobile revenuization

Someone needs to be shot for crimes again the English language... Assuming that is English - hard to be sure!

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Feds unlock suspect's encrypted drive, avoid Constitution meltdown

Steve Evans
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No such luck in the UK

Failure to provide a password to the police when requested is a criminal offence. 2 years.

It hasn't been greatly tested in court yet, and I don't remember ever hearing "I've forgotten it" being tested.

Slightly alarming as I'm sure we all have several files which we have no key too, usually parts of software installs which will look like total gibberish to the cops and could easily invite a "what's the password?" when it might not even be an encrypted file, just a binary with an odd file extension.

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Tomorrow's smartphone tech today

Steve Evans
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Unhappy

:-(

No sign of any new battery technology to power all the new shiny bits then?

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ISP Be admits crippling iPlayer demand burst its pipes

Steve Evans
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Wow!

ISP in over selling of back-end infrastructure shocker!

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Fat margins squeeze Apple against Android

Steve Evans
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I don't know which blinkered view of sales figures you are looking at (although from your phrasing I guess it's US only figures), but you might like to look at these.

http://www.gartner.com/it/page.jsp?id=1848514

Sorry they are Q3 2011, but I think they prove the point.

In summary:

Worldwide smartphone sales to end users Q3 2011

Android 52.5%

Symbian 16.9%

iOS 15.0%

RIM 11%

So getting ATF to kick out the Blackberry in their favour isn't really the fight they need to be fighting if they intend on domination.

Sure, Apple aren't hurting as long as people continue to feed their huge profit margins, but unless they are willing to remain a niche product, they will have to do something. Yes, I know, just like the Mac, but I know plenty of ex Mac users who have deserted to PC, usually because of software availability.

You only have to look at what happened to Nokia to see how quickly things can change in the mobile world.

As far as I'm concerned I'd rather have to many choices than none at all, and long may that continue.

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Powerful, wallet-sized Raspberry Pi computer sells out in SECONDS

Steve Evans
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Chortle...

Just went to have a look at uk.farnell.com. Midnight 1st march.

Their front page throws up a box saying "Are you looking for the Raspberry Pi? Click here". I suspect their search engine was getting rather bogged down and they had to divert the load away from it. First time I've ever seen that on the front page of Farnell.

Well done to the Raspberry team, hope you enjoyed the beer.

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GPS glitch leads perp-pursuing cops to wrong house

Steve Evans
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Actually...

There isn't actually any proof there was a GPS problem. The house was empty, so someone could have been there earlier, and the cops just took too long to turn up, carry out a health and safety study of the splinter risk, check everyone had the correct training to use the door ram, and then finally make entry.

By this time the perp was probably in Lincolnshire.

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Nepal asks for a leg-up to nail Everest's height

Steve Evans
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Re: Following his TomTom gig, a celebrity opportunity

This being Brian, I doubt you'd even need them to be nearby peaks!

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Orange to impose overseas data cap to beat bill shock

Steve Evans
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Re: Something smells fishy.

What aren't they telling us?

You mean beyond the fact that all the mobile companies are still charging us way over the odds for roamed data and sms? If you're bored one day you want to work out the price per megabyte of a text message (i.e. less data than you could fit on the 3.5" floppy). Just make sure you're sitting down first.

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41-megapixel MONSTER mobe shutters Nokia knockers

Steve Evans
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Re: Aren't we past this?

I imagine low light performance will be dire, then again, have you seen some of the posts your friends put up on facebook from a night out clubbing? Blurred and shaky appear to be this season's black.

Anyway, back to the subject... The clever solution when you're playing about with low light and photosites a fraction of the size of a human hair is to combine them, effectively dropping the resolution and then measuring the captured photons across a 3x3 block. Sure, your 41 megapixel silly camera resolution suddenly drops to 4.5mp, but you will at least have a hope of actually seeing something before you have to crank up the amplification so hard that you detect radio Luxembourg.

Although given the use of the horribly sales-pitch phrase "pixel over-sampling technology" I wouldn't be shocked to find out that the sensor doesn't have anything like 41 megapixels and is purely a clever image processor hooked onto the back of a far more humble resolution sensor.

More interestingly (and completely unmentioned in the article) is the flash, it's hard to tell from the picture, and I could be getting my hopes up here, but is that a *real* xenon flash tube there?

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iPad owners 'considerably richer than yow'

Steve Evans
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Re: Confirming the demographic

I think you are under estimating Apple's marketing.

There is a whole other demographic which partake in the distortion field.

MCTS - More credit than sense.

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Apple files patent for 'polished meteorite' keyboard

Steve Evans
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"Scissor-switch keys provide fine feedback, but are so 20th-century chubby"

Then long levers must be 19th century, if not 18th.

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Feds apply for DNSChanger safety net extension

Steve Evans
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So...

Turning off the replacement DNS servers will prevent the infected (and unprotected) machines from resolving any URLs... Therefore protecting them from hurting themselves further, or sending more spam.

Sounds like a win win for the rest of the intarweb. Pull the plug!

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