* Posts by Stevie

2912 posts • joined 12 Jun 2008

El Reg regains atomic keyring capability

Stevie
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Bah!

Pfft! Real men yearn for the Polonium Initiator Medallion, available for a limited time from Putin Energy Overstocks.

"The Last Medallion You'll Ever Buy".

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Tulsa woman bludgeons man mercilessly with laptop

Stevie
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Bah!

Domestic Abuse and Lithium-ion Battery I think you'll find.

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US Navy satellite EXPLODES, scattering debris

Stevie
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Bah!

Those SPECTRE bastards!

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I, ROBOT ~ YOU, MORON. How else will automated news work?

Stevie
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Bah!

Beep beep error beep

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Don't pay for the BBC? Then no Doctor Who for you, I'm afraid

Stevie
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Re: Worth every penny...

But ... Gordon Ramsay.

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Live a day in the life of Jennifer Lawrence: Tell Reddit to delete your stolen nude selfies

Stevie
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Re: Similar to "if you don't want to be robbed, don't carry anything valuable",

Not really. More like "If you want to vacuum your house in the nude, invest in good curtains".

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Stevie
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Bah!

I feel pretty safe from revenge porn/candid snap disseminators.

Mrs Stevie says that the last time she saw a bod like mine it was on top of the Empire State Building swatting aeroplanes.

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Stevie
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Bah!

Posting the pictures in the first place in an act of violence.

What people do with them behind closed doors is, well, harmless. No further damage to the depicted person is done.

And, although it is not popular in these PC times to say so, if you don't want your body to be shown all over the internet in a state of nakedness, don't take pictures of it in that state and if you do, don't use an internet connected device to do so and if you do, don't use an internet file dump "in the cloud" to backup your device and most definitely never show the pictures to anyone else no matter how deserving in any form other than the one hard-copy (hur-hur) you made yourself and will be taking back in a few seconds once the lucky viewer has said the right things. To do anything else is to see yourself on a website one day in all your glory.

Digital file sharing involves copies. I'm not sure why people do not "get" that. You might as well take your hot snaps down to Boots and have copies made.

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Tim Cook: 'I'd call what's going on in fondleslabs a speed bump'

Stevie
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Bah!

Wonder if Alistair Reynolds actually contacted MS with his complaint or just offered it to the internet so it could be fixed by osmosis as so many do?

Not that I'm a fan of MSOffice of late.

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'Utterly unusable' MS Word dumped by SciFi author Charles Stross

Stevie
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Re: WordGrinder

Windows users have Wordpad, though most of them don't remember to look for it. It has opened anything text-like I've pointed it at, though of course it won't render anything from markup.

I use Scrivener but it has a small number of visually stylistic nasties that get in the way of what *I* need it for sometimes. These are by way of unreconfigurable personal tastes so your mileage will certainly vary.

I also recommend the napkin-back whiteboarding tool Scapple for roughing out ideas. It *is* integrated with Scrivener and the two together are ridiculously useful. Scapple has a short'n'shallow learning curve too, because it was designed from the UI back.

As for the cost of Scrivener being a disincentive to using it, I got it for $40 and consider it money well spent. Scapple cost something like $14. If "free or nothing" is your mantra then you'll pass it by, but it will be your loss.

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Stevie
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re I work in an office full of people who don't know how to use it properly.

Most of the complaints I see about MS Word boil down to this and it's sub-heading "and can't see the reason to find out".

A good, if not relevant to the Stross Problem De Jour example is the oft-repeated canard about what a mess MS Word makes of generated web pages, with scads of inline styles all over the place. A simple and documented switch change will alter this behaviour and produce few unexpected lines of code in the final HTML, but it is obviously more fun to scream how awful MS is than try and learn how to use the product properly.

That said: MS have done themselves no favours with the recent UI revision. They seem to be working under the rule: "What do you do if there's a perception your product is hard to use? Make it ACTUALLY hard to use".

As for the venerable Mr Stross: If he can use OfficeLibre now, why not all along, and how does this make his pain go away? OfficeLibre is no better integrated into Scrivener than any other word processor (ask me how I know this).

I'm more confused because he was posting that he'd switched to iPad for all his productivity-production-processes and didn't know full product MS Word or OLWrite would run on ythe said platform. As a new iPad owner I'm eager to know that I can use a proper (and free) office suite on the device.

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Stevie
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Re: well that might be OK as an amateur

As I recall, author Piers Anthony uses all OSS for writing his novels. Maybe someone else drops it into Word later on, but he's certainly a professional writer.

And unless he's recanted several years of public statements, he wrote just about all his famous novels longhand on paper using a pencil. Certainly most of the Xanth stories, the Tyrant of Jupiter stuff and Macroscope.

At least, that's what he used to say before Windows XP.

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I'm the wire starter: ARM, IBM tout plug 'n' play Internet of Stuff kit

Stevie
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Re: Long term (Free?)server access?

Well, since we are talking access through a portable smart device aka telephone, why not revisit that old stand-by: dialback? You ask the device if you can have a conversation just like normal, but instead of the device taking your word that you are and suggesting a socket it calls the device back, establishing the full address for itself rather than accepting the one it is given.

Not useful for all cases, but as part of a portfolio of tools, not halfway bad from where I'm sitting.

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Stevie
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Bah!

All your fridge are belong to us.

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Burning Man hackers get burnt

Stevie
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Re: The burn

Of course you need a motorhome c/w food and water. You're going to be spending days in the f*cking desert.

Less telly, more camping trips. A bit of scouting or an outward bound trip or two wouldn't hurt either.

Azathoth's nebular nodes, is there anything more willfully stupid than a human being chasing a good time?

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Stevie
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Bah!

You need a ticket to parade around the Nevada desert dressed in a smile, wings and an Indian Warbonnet?

How counter-cultural!

*thinks* I wonder if they have a Hemulen to punch the tickets so no-one can have fun more than once?

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Seven months of Basil Brush on YouTube: Er, boom boom?

Stevie
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Bah!

Cue Titch and Quackers!

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Stevie
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Re:Burn the Heretic!

Agree! He needs a good sprinkling with Oofle Dust.

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German music moguls slammed for 'wurst ever DMCA takedown spam'

Stevie
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Bah!

Perhaps if it were illegal to ID a DMCA violation by any method other than a third party notification of dubious content?

Or that any DMCA take-down be authored by an actual breathing weasel-sorry-lawyer and delivered by snail mail? That way the torrent (sorry) of dubious e-bullying would be choked off, vital support would be given to the traditional mail carriers and costs of issuing these ridiculous demands would escalate to the point they would have to be meaningful before they got sent.

Plus, the lead-time would introduce a measure of common sense. What was the comment on ISIHAC? "I've seen continents move faster than my postman".

Not true in my neck of the woods, but I've had recent trouble with the overpriced underspeed Royal Post Office that suggests Humph was right with respect to The Reg's.

Fight fire with treacle I say.

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Hawking thesp Eddie Redmayne and Snowden doc Citzenfour win Oscars

Stevie
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Re: Bah!

Gotcha. And there was I thinking that the presenter was merely making (yet another) comment with respect to the lack of an avalanche of nominations wrt "Selma".

I stand corrected.

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Stevie
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Bah!

And speaking of man-in-the-middle hijacks I'm still trying to figure out how a movie about Edward Snowden invokes Dr Martin Luther King in any way, shape or form.

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The finest weird people in the world live here, and we're proud of it

Stevie
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Bah!

You forgot one major downside: Having to wear flowers in your hair.

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Leaky battery attack reveals the paths you walk in life

Stevie
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Bah!

So, if I read it right, to avoid being tracked you simply have to stay out of California and Israel.

Well, I call "SAFE"!

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Man the HARPOONS: YOU can EASILY SLAY ad-scumware Superfish

Stevie
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Bah!

Correct me if I'm wrong (like wild horses could stop you) but if I'm reading this right the Superfish management are claiming that their man-in-the-middle hijack is absolutely safe. Against man-in-the-middle hijacks.

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Hoping for spy reforms? Jeb Bush, dangerously close to being the next US prez, backs the NSA

Stevie
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Re: A well-timed statement of any kind from dear old W.

But you don't understand: The Republican Base loves GWB and believes he did a *good* job.

Or at least, that's what Hannity O'Reilly and Limbaugh will have The Republican Base believing come election day.

If Jeb Bush stands, he will win the nomination and stand a very good chance of taking the White House *despite* his family's record on just about anything you care to notice. I'm terrified because I don't think we can stand another financial disaster and there's been a major banking failure C/W taxpayer bailout under every Bush's presidency to date.

And deficits always run away faster than TMI-2 under a post-1980 Republican. As I just said to a colleague: if Republicans are the party of big business how come they can't run the country at a profit like Clinton did? Is it that every Republican in politics is a failed businessman?

Every single Republican president that I've lived under in the USA has presided over an economy that is wheezing like a tubercular street person.

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Stevie
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Re: I'd be more concerned about ... [than] this cretin getting into The Whitehouse.

I believe that was the prevailing opinion back in 2000 when sensible people knew a boob like GWB couldn't get elected.

Then we got 8 years of total mismanagement in which America was successfully attacked by a known threat from a known source, the replacement of the "nothing to fear but fear itself" principle with the color-coded "The sky is falling! The sky is falling" Chickenshit Little Doctrine, and, as the icing on the cake, the ship of state was crashed so hard onto the reef of Economic Malfeasance that it very nearly sank completely with all hands proving to the world how unworkable American Capitalist Economic Theory was.

And in all that time I never once believed the country was under the control of the person elected to the president's office, but was being controlled by the venal, vicious and paranoid old man he brought with him to sit in the other chair.

Most of the machinery that put George the Second on the throne is still in place.

I'd be afraid. I am afraid.

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Apple LIGHTSABERS to feature in The Force Awakens

Stevie
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Re: Perhaps lightsabers are hybrid.

You mean like the recoil-start Rambo Knife was in the movie Hot Shots?

I guess nothing new is old when its new. Or something.

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Stevie
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Re: @Graham Marsden Splinter of the Mind's Eye

It was published before The Empire Strikes Back was released, so is extremely non-canon.

And hence a damned sight more readable than much of what came after.

I thought I was the only person in the world who owned a copy of that book.

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Stevie
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Re: it can't have been that hard.

Well, Radio Shack has filed for bankruptcy.

I wonder if it's a case of "Well, you can't get the parts these days".

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Stevie
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Re Rebuilding Germany's Industrial Base

It took about 30 years and the effects of post-war liberalization to get Germany anywhere near an acceptable industrial base. etc. Holes in cities. etc.

Good. Doesn't make up for the rationing that went on for 10 years after VE Day in England or the big holes in Coventry, where I grew up, yea unto the early 60s or the war-caused power rationing that closed factories for hours every day so *England* couldn't get back up to speed at full, er, speed.

Dear recently post WWII Germany: That's what you get for being a bunch of gits.

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A cookie with a 7,984-year lifespan. Blimey, Roy Batty only got 4!

Stevie
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Re: advocatus diaboli

I'd rather the preferences were a side-effect of logging on with an account name and password myself.

That way I'm not dependent on my browser cookie cache for keeping everything looking the way I like.

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Game of Moans: Sky coughs to BORKED set top box BALLS-UP

Stevie
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Bah!

Kicked box across room again. Was wearing sneakers but assume this counts as a "reBOOT".

Checked cables. I have some.

How is this supposed to address a firmware problem?

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Update - Boffins: COMETS are like FRIED ICE CREAM. Mmm

Stevie
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Bah!

So, in texture it is more like a fried Mars bar then?

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Hacker kicks one bit XP to 10 Windows scroll goal

Stevie
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Thank You MrDamage

One mouthful of delicious Cuban Submarine sandwich inhaled and snorted back down left nostril into keyboard, smashing it beyond repair.

I'd demand a new keyboard but my sinuses are shredded (and full of horseradish) and I'm incoherent with pain.

Harrumph, sir! Harrumph!

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Stevie
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Bah!

So ... we should roll back to WIndows 98?

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Lashed Saudi blogger Raif: Prince Charles has word with new king

Stevie
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Bah!

I'd think the fucktard who handed down the punishment has done more to harm the reputation of the state than this formerly unknown blogger has.

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SWINGBELLIES! Take heed AGAIN: Booze shortens your life

Stevie
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Bah!

C'mon lads! It's not that bad! Eschewing wine, women and song is not nearly as hard as it seems.

When you've given up wine and women you don't feel like singing.

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It's not the cloud: The problem lies between the chair and the computer – Gartner

Stevie
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Bah!

The real problem with the personal cloud and indeed the vast majority of IT tech coming down the pipe for the last 10 years is not the technology, it's the willful obfuscation of what a given scenario actually encompasses by use of maddeningly imprecise marketing-friendly "clixby*" terms.

"8X performance vs (insert competitor)" - Does NOT mean "8 times the performance" or there are some horrendous misprints in the metrics on the slide being shown as this is said.

"On demand scaling" - rarely is on demand anything as it requires a negotiation of some sort in order to switch on the resources in question. That negotiation may be entirely electronic but since billing is involved look for unforeseen complications when the resource is actually needed that once in any given year.

"Vertical (anything)" - Better check your vendor's marketing bible before you buy.

"Fault tolerance". "High availability". These are terms that mean specific things to vendors. Unfortunately, the fine print is on a per vendor basis.

So is it any wonder no-one is doin' it rite? If you drive a technology by aggressive marketing you can't be upset when no-one takes it very seriously after a couple of seminars**.

* Clixby - politely uninformative The Meaning of Liff 1st edition

** Technical term for disguised high-pressure sales presentation.

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Air gaps: Happy gas for infosec or a noble but inert idea?

Stevie
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Bah!

And here I thought that anyone needing an air-gapped computer would understand that the air gapping would need to be at the *computer* network level, and the said computer would still need elementary protections such as not executing code from external devices by default and firewalling them until they passed AV testing.

I mean, once upon a time all desktop computers were air-gapped and the savvy companies still had warnings about sneakernet AV practices pasted to the support columns to properly indoctrinate the workforce.

But then, I'm an old person who was once a mainframe Cobol programmer and so by default a dimwit. What do I know about the exciting world of modern IT?

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Over 50? Out of work? Watch out because IT is about to EAT ITSELF

Stevie
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Bah!

So lemme see if I have this right: The UK Government has finally gotten behind the idea of training kids to be computer programmers (we'll leave aside the wisdom behind that in the larger sense for another time) just as the local iteration of the industry is laying off and dumbing-down (anyone who thinks the state of the art AI is gonna be a replacement for human rat-dancers has spent too much time drinking the kool aid).

Wot, no strategic vision?

As for letting said AI scrape Stack Overflow et al, I predict all that will do is make the AI snotty and uncomunicative, undoing years of R&D in cognitive pattern analysis and advanced lexing.

I say go for it. I'd love to see whether the AI declares Reiser is Innocent after the first pass.

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You'll NEVER guess who has bought I Taught Taylor Swift How To Give Head dot-com

Stevie
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Bah!

They were lyrics? I had guessed they might be song titles, but couldn't say for sure since, and this is the important bit, I don't know who Taylor Swift is and bewilderingly that has not caused my world to collapse into quantum vacuum.

Whatever that is.

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Now Samsung's spying smart TVs insert ADS in YOUR OWN movies

Stevie
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Bah!

There is a fix for this problem: Buy a different brand TV.

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Kanye West: Yo, DNS... Imma let you finish, but this gTLD is one of the best of all time

Stevie
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Bah!

Who is this "Kanye West" and why should I care?

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Keyless vehicle theft suspects cuffed after key Met Police, er, 'lockdown'

Stevie
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Re: Unstealable

This bodge-job exhaust pipe "repair" will likely cost you your life.

Everyone knows you are supposed to fix busted exhaust pipes with baked bean cans.

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Stevie
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Re: the way forward

I once owned a Mini Traveller which I bet real money people couldn't steal even sitting in it with the keys in hand. I never lost money.

Most couldn't find the starter. It was under the driver's seat - original equipment too - you pushed the solenoid in with your thumb (or, rumour had it, you could use a stiletto heel if you wore such things). It was like starting a helicopter.

But the kicker was that almost no-one could find the battery (under the rear seat). Because in those days there was no need for "vital" electronic components to be powered up at all times people could and did fit simple rotary battery isolation switches. No juice, no start, no theft.

With the advent of the Raspberry Pi it occurs to me that a bright lad could fit an aftermarket device to turn off the ignition and jam the horn on if, after a few seconds, the computer couldn't detect the rfid device on your key fob.

If it weren't for the nanny state protecting the poor criminals you could replace the pansy horn blowing idea with a more manly phosgene dispenser connected to the air-vents, epilepsy-inducing strobe lights in the dashboard and overhead and ankle-level underseat flamethrowers.

Last week a friend was moaning on the uselessness of house alarm systems. I suggested he have his expensive system coupled to his powerful in-ground lawn sprinklers.

"What's the point?" he asked. "So they get wet".

Well, you can't stop the thieving, but you can make it much less comfortable for the bastards doing it, which is why my house alarm has an indoor siren as loud as the outdoor one. The thieves will be able to work with no interruptions from the police, but they'll be deaf for days afterwards. I know. It went off by accident around Christmas and I have the eardrums to prove it.

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Fraudsters make bank as exec wires $17 MEELLION to China

Stevie
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Bah!

Who'd have thought the standard lack of transparency in Big Bank Behaviour could be turned to scammers' needs?

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Symantec sees profits crash ahead of corporate divorce

Stevie
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Bah!

Installed ghost 14 on an XP machine about five years ago to do a full disc dump to removable external disc storage. It fucked up the exsisting NAV/IS installation to the point I had to strip is all out and re-install, the ghost nagware nearly drove me round the fucking bend whining about the fact that the external hard drive was only powered up when I needed to backup (it wanted to do diferential saves, I wanted it to be satisfied with weekly full backups) and then, to top it off, when I needed it to recover my hard drive it bleated that it couldn't find an image for the recovery to use.

So, self knackering software that wouldn't play with other software - from the same company.

So, I kicked Ghost off the machine and badmouthed it whenever anyone mentioned it, and when the subscription was up I dumped NAV/IS too.

No more Norton products for me.

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WHERE'S WALLY? He's in this algorithm, says developer

Stevie
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Bah!

Never mind Waldo, where are my #$%@ing car keys?

Beaten by a faster poster.

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Snowden leaks LEGALISED GCHQ's 'illegal' dragnet spying, rules British tribunal

Stevie
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Bah!

Good news indeed.

I'd like to inform the court that I was doing 87 on I95 on Sunday, and would like the SC Police to return my fine monies under the same ruling.

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NSA raided hackers' troves of stolen data: report

Stevie
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Bah!

So the NSA have stolen data from black hat hackers instead of hacking it firsthand.

And they've paid attention to the foremost experts in the computer security business.

Er ...

Good ... ?

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