* Posts by Ben Bonsall

266 posts • joined 4 Jun 2008

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Paint your wagon (with electric circuits) but leave my crotch alone

Ben Bonsall

Re: Thirteen kilograms less Dabbsy?

(and, 3.09 jubs)

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Ben Bonsall

Re: Thirteen kilograms less Dabbsy?

Combining this:

Alistair’s weight-loss smugathon continues, taking the total so far to 13kg.

with this:

… or, since I went vegetarian this year,

Leads me to believe it's not so much weight loss, as dangerous malnutrition...

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IoT manufacturer caught fixing security holes

Ben Bonsall

Re: Household insurance

You would need at the very least 40 bags of potatoes pilled on top of each other before the lock would give way

What's that in jubs?

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My headset is reading my mind and talking behind my back

Ben Bonsall

Re: Fat-Burning Hats

Then it's probably best that the hat comes with a big furry jacket to optimize performance... (optional extra, POA.)

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Ben Bonsall

Re: Fat-Burning Hats

Shouldn't be too hard- you burn a lot of energy regulating your temperature, and the head is one of the places that looses most heat, so shave the head, mount a refrigeration unit in the hat, and Bingo, weight loss.

Also, a big heavy hat will mean you burn more energy carrying it around and strengthen core muscles trying to stay upright with a fridge on the head.

The deluxe model can have a couple of slots to insert beers, for relaxing after a heavy hat wearing session.

You could even recover some energy with a peliter effect layer between the scalp and the refrigeration unit, and potentially combine it with one of those neoprene belts, redirecting the extracted heat into the belly where it can raise the core temperature, requiring more heat loss through the head.

Perpetual motion, until you run out of fat. Or collapse under the weight. Whichever.

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English Uber alles in London taxis? No way, TfL – taxi app titan

Ben Bonsall

Re: Do I really need my driver to speak English?

Best cab I ever had, I got in, gabbled the address, and the GPS heard me and repeated it back, and off we went. Didn't have to speak to the driver at all...

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World religions stake out positions on Pokemon Go

Ben Bonsall

"They'll be offered tea and cake"

I'm sure it was cake or death.

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Blighty will have a whopping 24 F-35B jets by 2023 – MoD minister

Ben Bonsall

'No need for the Army, RAF or most of the Navy.'

Give it a couple of years, and the killer bees, grown huge and souped up on sugar from all the unpicked fruit, will be a tricky target for a nuclear tipped cruise...

Ideal targets for an agile air superiority fighter like the typhoon.

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Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

Ben Bonsall

Re: Every time I see "<3"...

'bae <3

Looks as if someone tried to depict BAE letting off gas.'

Seeing as bae is Danish for shit, seems legit.

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Laser probers sniff more gravitational waves from mega black hole smash

Ben Bonsall

Re: Why LIGO Is a Scam

It is falsifiable

Teleport the sun hundreds of light years away. If the earth immediately continues in a straight line, then gravity is instantaneous action at a distance. If it continues in orbit until the last light reaches earth, then gravity is transmited at the speed of light.

Not an easy experiment, I agree.

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Google asks the public to name the forthcoming Android N operating system

Ben Bonsall

Noddy

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Did Spotify hire Alan Partridge to run its Netflix-style video push?

Ben Bonsall

Former friends of boyband stars Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow get the opportunity to tell them just how they feel about being forgotten the instant the band got famous, in 'Take That You Bastards.'

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Ben Bonsall

An in depth analysis of fashionable underpant brands worn by rappers, in Biggie's Smalls.

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Ben Bonsall

Re: Don't Stop Me Now

The much requested follow-up will be called The Show Must Go On.

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Ben Bonsall

Bono, The Edge, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen, Jr. deny having ever met Rolf in 'Not You too?'

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Ben Bonsall

Marc Almond and David Ball are locked up together in a insane asylum, in Soft Cell.

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Ben Bonsall

Celebrities go on cycling tours of the holy land in Christ on a bike.

(Maybe I should do some work now.)

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Ben Bonsall

Prince Charles and the former Slade frontman go bargain hunting in Noddy and Big-ears go to Poundland.

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Ben Bonsall

Humphrey Littleton reviews Barry Cryer's favorite one-liners, in Humphrey Littleton's Jest of Baz.

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Ben Bonsall

Ant tells the harrowing story of the rebirth of his career after he found Dec eviscerated in their hotel room, in Ventriloquism is not just for Dummies.

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Ben Bonsall

Celebrating the 76th birthday celebrations of a legendary welsh crooner- Tonight, 76! Tom Jones Has a Big Parade

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Ben Bonsall

Popular rapper Marshal Mathers talks about his favorite sweets and shops, in Eminem on M&Ms and M&S.

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Ben Bonsall

Terry Christian interviews celebrities about the influence of Face magazine on their carreers, in Arse About Face, tonight on Four.

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Ben Bonsall

John Terode and Greg Wallace recreate some of the recipes of the first celebrity chef, in John and Greg's Taste of Fanny

(not music related, but hey ho.)

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Brit polar vessel christened RRS Sir David Attenborough

Ben Bonsall

Re: Fair compromise

Personally I went for RSS Brass Monkey

But a fair comment (admittedly, from the daily mash...)

"People don't realize what a dangerous and lonely job we do. No one wants to die on a ship called Boaty McBoatface."

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RIP Prince: You were the soundtrack of my youth

Ben Bonsall

It will end when Meatloaf becomes the artist formally known as Mince.

Although,

There once was an artist called Prince,

Who on stage would posture and mince,

Then just for a giggle,

Changed his name to a squiggle,

And nobody's heard of him since...

(isihac- rip willy and humph.)

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Russian boffins want to nuke asteroids

Ben Bonsall

Re: A modest proposal

Give us the one called McNeal!

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1,000 cats await stadium-sized sandwich bag launch

Ben Bonsall

Surely everyone's heard of cats?

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Ben Bonsall

Can they change the name? When I see SPB you keep getting my hopes up that you are getting somewhere with the FAA. :(

Although,

Regarding the weight, the SPB plus payload tips the scales at 4,500kg

made me do a double take.

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Truly crap exhibition dumped on Isle of Wight

Ben Bonsall

Re: ".... why do people hang dog poos in trees?"

Fly my pretties!

<thunk><thunk><thunk-thunk>

Back to the drawing board, Smithers.

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Microsoft smells Musk, splashes on 'Mune' space program

Ben Bonsall

Re: Sound of zero hands clapping

Temperature is the average energy per degree of freedom (number of particles multiplied by the number of ways they can move). In a complete vacuum, there are zero particles, and the sum of their energy is zero. Ask your C compiler, and it will tell you 0./0. is not a number.

Photons are particles too... The icy cold of spaaaaace has lots of them, their energy averages out to about 2.7 Kelvin.

If you made a box full of space, to exclude photons from the universe, then the box will be in equilibrium with the surrounding space- it will also radiate photons between its walls with an average energy of about 2.7 kelvin.

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Hands on with the BBC's Micro:Bit computer. You know, for kids

Ben Bonsall

It was a dream compared to the Z80.

Indeed :) Taught myself assembler on a 6502. Thought I was pretty good until I saw the Z80 manual...

Skipped it and went on to a 68000 instead.

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Ben Bonsall

Didn't the Model A have a 6502? Which might have a small instruction set, but it wasn't RISC... Due to complex addressing modes, mostly. And variable length instructions. While it had minimal registers and used ram instead, that was mostly because getting registers on die was seriously expensive in the 70s.

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'Just give me any old date and I'll make it work' ... said the VB script to the coder

Ben Bonsall

Fun VB bug.

We had an ID that was rapidly approaching the max for a 32 bit int in a critical application. VB having no 64 bit long type, the decision was to use the currency type as it was a variant and a 64bit long underneath. We never need to do any operations on this, so it was all fine.

All good up till the point where we pass the ID to a com object. The com was expecting a 64bit long.

For no good reason, every time we pass in the ID, by the time it hit the COM code, it was incremented by 1. Tried a few things, make the COM expect a variant and convert to 64bit long, make it expect a currency type and convert to long, to no avail.

Eventually we ended up passing it as a string and having the COM expect a 64bit long. We still don't know what was happening, probably at some point in the COM interface the currency type was being converted to a float and the conversion to 64bit long was off by one, but we just don't know.

So now we have an integer ID that is a currency type variant that needs to be passed around as a string, just so it can be recognized correctly as a long on the other end.

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Google rocks up to Facebook's DIY-data-center party with six pack of rack blueprints

Ben Bonsall

Re: Every time . . .

The day they build a self-driving 6000SUX...

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We tested the latest pre-flight build of Windows 10 Mobile. It's buggy but promising

Ben Bonsall

Still using a lumia 800. Still happy. Battery still just about gets through the day. (It used to do 3 days. If i forget to plug in overnight, then a top up in the car is enough to get me to the end of the work day at least.)

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'$5bn for Slack?! I refuse to pay!' You don't pay – and that's its biggest problem

Ben Bonsall

Wave was cool. I miss it.

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New Monopoly version features an Automatic Teller Machine

Ben Bonsall

Re: Misses the point entirely

To be fair, I was mostly joking about my dad, who was an unscrupulous bastard when it came to monopoly. Mostly allowed because there is no official receiver, or monopoly and mergers commission in monopoly. So really, it teaches the futility of unregulated monopoly capitalism.

If the receiver could ensure a fair sale of the assets to ensure the debt was paid, and the monopoly commission could regulate swap deals to prevent insider trading and monopoly building, the unscrupulous dads would have to play fair with their kids :)

Still: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_Game_(short_story)

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Ben Bonsall

Re: Misses the point entirely

It's supposed to teach kids the futility of capitalism- there's only one winner, who is an unscrupulous bastard (and usually your dad), and everyone else ends up bankrupt and in tears...

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This is why copy'n'paste should be banned from developers' IDEs

Ben Bonsall

Re: Horrible, but maybe unavoidable

Looks like Delphi to me... But the title still stands.

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Major Hollywood studio eyes Paint Drying sequel

Ben Bonsall

Roller Wall

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Ben Bonsall

And the broadway musical version:

Annie! Chance of a cup of tea love?

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Ben Bonsall

Colour Fast and Furious about the mess in the hall.

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Ben Bonsall

Dry Hard 7: Jar-Jar of white spirit.

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Ben Bonsall

Dry Hard 2: Clone Walls

Dry Hard 3: The revenge of the poorly prepared surface.

Dry Hard 4: A New Coat

Dry Hard 5: The Empire changes it's mind about the colour

Dry Hard 6: The return of the Contractor

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Brit censors endure 10-hour Paint Drying movie epic

Ben Bonsall

Re: Subliminals

Should have has a soundtrack with the Take Hart gallery theme on a one minute loop.

With someone shouting cunt about 8 and a half hours in after they'd turned to volume down.

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Boffins: There's a ninth planet out there – now we just need to find it

Ben Bonsall

Re: If Pluto is taken.

I want a t-shirt with 6 sleeves, and 'I was abducted and taken to an ant-world, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt' on the front.

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Europe's satellite laser comms system set to shine

Ben Bonsall

The shark died and it takes a while to train a new one...

(fsking ie keeps stripping off post values)

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Eric Schmidt, for one, welcomes our new robot overlords

Ben Bonsall

I'm not sure an AI with access to any kind of infrastructure would find population growth or climate change to be hard problems...

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