* Posts by Ben Bonsall

126 posts • joined 4 Jun 2008

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American bacon cured with AR-15 assault rifle

Ben Bonsall
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There is no excuse for ever eating tripe. Its whole reason for existing is to be indigestible.

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Assange's WikiLeaks: Give generously this Xmas – for STATUE of our DEAR LEADER

Ben Bonsall
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Meh, it's nothing new, didn't someone already put a statue of a massive cock next to some bronzes in Trafalgar square?

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Snowden files show NSA's AURORAGOLD pwned 70% of world's mobe networks

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Ben Bonkers The lunatics are in the hall.

Heh, someone isn't a Pink Floyd fan :)

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Ben Bonsall
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Re: The lunatics are in the hall.

All that you touch

All that you see

All that you taste

All you feel.

All that you love

All that you hate

All you distrust

All you save.

All that you give

All that you deal

All that you buy,

beg, borrow or steal.

All you create

All you destroy

All that you do

All that you say.

All that you eat

And everyone you meet

All that you slight

And everyone you fight.

All that is now

All that is gone

All that's to come

and everything under the sun is in a giant NSA data center in Wyoming.

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UK boffins: We'll have an EMBIGGENED QUANTUM COMPUTER working in 5 YEARS

Ben Bonsall
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It doesn't have to be better than classical physics at actually doing machine learning, just better than humans at finding the model you need to train in order to show that data -> answer.

I'll take some magic quantum sauce on my quantum chips please :) Hopefully, the quantumness will ensure exactly the right amount of sauce per chip. Or at least demonstrate that the amount of sauce on that particular chip is exactly the right amount, with workings.

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Ben Bonsall
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It seems to me that quantum machine learning could build a system like Gordon Way's Reason. Ie. you feed in all the relevant data, and you train the quantum computer with the answer you want, and it generates the simplest way to get from the data to the answer...

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Boffins find Jackie Chan's SUPERCOP is good for something

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Surely there were more appropriate films to use?

Man With The Golden Gun, seeing as it was about a highly efficient solar cell.

(For certain values of 'about')

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Mysterious BEAM outside London Googleplex ZAPPED

Ben Bonsall
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Re: I know what it is..

Wireless charging spot for Androids tablets

Fixed it for you :)

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El Reg reanimates Cash'n'Carrion merchandising tentacle

Ben Bonsall
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There is no blood stain in that stairwell... I'm assuming the non-duplex t shirt printer hasn't arrived yet?

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The Nokia ENIGMA THING and its SECRET, TERRIBLE purpose

Ben Bonsall
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When you touch it, a small worrying sign lights up saying 'Panic' and it transforms into a bird.

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TORpedo'd dev dumps Doxbin files after police raids

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Still wondering why

Do you mind? I am originally from Yorkshire and the people there are...feck it you're right, they are different! :-)

Me too. But not different. Better.

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Caption this: CERN needs pic tags. Serious answers only, kids

Ben Bonsall
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The first one looks like solenoid winding.

The second, no idea, but I want one.

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Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future

Ben Bonsall
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Both twig and dropping +1

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Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Textonym

It should now be two words that Autocorrect can randomly pick when you attempt to type something on a tiny keyboard with fat fingers.

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Zuckerberg bombshell: Man married to Chinese woman speaks Chinese in China

Ben Bonsall
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"...and her grandmother only speaks Chinese. When Priscilla and I decided to get married, I told her grandmother using Chinese. She was really shocked"

Probably because he said "I wish to marry your sheep."

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Trips to Mars may be OFF: The SUN has changed in a way we've NEVER SEEN

Ben Bonsall
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Re: "The risks are secondary" @Pascal Monett

There's elements of Neil Asher in there too

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It's even GRIMMER up North after MEGA SKY BROADBAND OUTAGE

Ben Bonsall
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Re: It's Grim Up North

Not to mention Peniston

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Ben Bonsall
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Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

Don't forget that most English of products, the Belgian bun. Which no one in Belgium has ever heard of. And generally react with surprise and alarm when shown something named after them.

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SHOW ME the MONEY: Payment code spied in Facebook Messenger

Ben Bonsall
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CSRFF- Cross Site Request For Funds...

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Doctor Who becomes an illogical, unscientific, silly soap opera in Kill The Moon

Ben Bonsall
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Meh, Who has been crap since the last Sylvester McCoy episode. (actually, since just after, the last episodes with Sylvester McCoy and Sophie Aldred were awesome. Or possibly Ace.)

Billie piper was the one redeeming feature of the new Who. Ecclestone was passable. Since then it's been downhill all the way.

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Bored hackers flick Shellshock button to OFF as payloads shrink

Ben Bonsall
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love the image file name of the first graph:

fffffferferfffffferferf.jpg

:)

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That glass of water you just drank? It was OLDER than the SUN

Ben Bonsall
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Re: "making it about one million years older than the solar system"

Here is the long term weather forecast for the next million years: Changeable, with a high probability of ice ages.

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Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city

Ben Bonsall
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Like Anvers? Or Bruxelles? Or Gand?

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Ben Bonsall
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Re: Infrastructure

The problem here would be that end users would build a dodgy router that continually say the drop didn't arrive and could it be sent again...

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Ben Bonsall
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Hills in Bruges? Not that I've staggered over...

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Hate Facebook? Hate it enough to spend $9k fleeing it? Web 'country club' built for the rich

Ben Bonsall
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Re: How do you know....

If you've ever seen the film 'the million pound note' that's how money works for the rich.

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Intel's SECRET Xeons: tell us what you think Chipzilla's hiding

Ben Bonsall
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Fridge Edition - Ultra-high power consumption edition for monitoring when the milk is running low, and blinking a little red light to remind you to buy some. Luckily it comes with a fridge attached for cooling.

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TROUT and EELS in SINISTER PACT to RULE the oceans

Ben Bonsall
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The trout can spot a fake eel, but can the eel spot a trout mask replica?

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Snooptastic US CELL TOWERS pose man-in-the-middle THREAT

Ben Bonsall
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They're spying on me withmy rays!

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Brit balloon bod Bodnar overflies North Pole

Ben Bonsall
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Any plans to get LOHAN somewhere in the vicinity of a pole?

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What a pain in the mass! Euro craft Rosetta to poke its probe in 10-BILLION-tonne comet

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Orbit

Apogee: To apologize for a speech impediment

Perigee: 6 letters later than Perrier

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LOHAN acquires aircraft arboreal avoidance algorithm acronyms

Ben Bonsall
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Re: BRASTRAP and...

After it fails to spot something and gets updated, it can be called

Newly Optimized PANTIES

or even

PANTI Extended Location/Evasion/Swerving System

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Ben Bonsall
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Beeches, Elm Trees, Tamarisk, Yew - Four Obstacles Requiring Diversions

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Ben Bonsall
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Leaf And Branch Incursion Avoidance

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Ben Bonsall
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Truss In Tree Will Always Necessitate Krane. :(

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True fact: Hubble telescope spots ZOMBIES in SPACE

Ben Bonsall
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Keep reading Iax as Lax... Lax supernovas create zombie star plague

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BAD VIBES: High-speed video camera records your voice from trash

Ben Bonsall
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Mary had a little lamb,

Now she's doing five years for bestiality.

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Watch this Aussie infosec bod open car doors from afar

Ben Bonsall
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Check This! 10 things you never knew Aussies could do from afar!

1) Unlock your car!

2) Fill this jar for you.

3) If the Aussie is Danni Minogue, she can do anything she does from as afar away as possible as far as i'm concerned.

4) Something involving the Arapaho.

5) Err...

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NASA tests crazytech flying saucer thruster, could reach Mars in days

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Brass?

" Ion drives (which we all know do actually work) produce nothing more convincing than a slight blue glow, which is barely enough to believe in at all."

All hail the blue glow!

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END your Macbook SHAME: Convert it into a Microsoft SURFACE

Ben Bonsall
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"I sympathize. I am personally in that camp. A slightly modified (give me my fucking up button!) "

Personally, I want an un-fucking up button, for when someone fills their PC with crap by clicking ok without reading... Or deletes files with names like system.ini, or finds regedit.exe and thinks it can post edit their Reg posts...

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Plug and PREY: Hackers reprogram USB drives to silently infect PCs

Ben Bonsall
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I wonder how long it will take before someone steals a car by plugging in a usb stick...

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FREE PARTY for TEN lucky Australian Reg readers

Ben Bonsall
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there's nothing quite like a REG party,

full of folk who are cool and not farty

but this ones in oz

and that's just because

london's full of them types who are arty.

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Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS

Ben Bonsall
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Consider my amazeballs well and truly toted.

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14 antivirus apps found to have security problems

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Point of Issue

Buggerate is the one that gets me. Admittedly, from Urpeons who learned English from American TV.

When I first encountered the use of the verb 'to bugger' instead of 'to bug', I corrected them... But having a senior colleague stick their head in a meeting and ask if they can buggerate someone for five minutes had me banging my head on the table, and said someone replying that the meeting was nearly done and could they bugger them when they were free almost had me on the floor.

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Comcast bosses: THAT pushy sales rep was only obeying orders

Ben Bonsall
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Cancel in writing by registered letter... probably cheaper than the call too :)

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Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

Ben Bonsall
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I read this article, what happened next will AMAZE you!

I didn't share it on social media! Because while I found it interesting and amusing, I wouldn't presume that anyone else would, and if they would they would probably have already seen it

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Rockall pod-dweller Hancock beats solo occupation record

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Meh

Doing rock-all, surely?

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LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

Ben Bonsall
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Nam Craic!

Because LOHAN will do anything etc etc.

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