* Posts by Ben Bonsall

197 posts • joined 4 Jun 2008

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Another chance to win a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive

Ben Bonsall
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How about I learn to type.

It was only when they agreed to meet that she realized she just doesn't like men with hairy backs.

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Ben Bonsall
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Balls, beaten to it.

How about:

It was only they agreed to meet that she realized she just doesn't like men with hairy backs.

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Ben Bonsall
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Hmm, no flies on her.

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Manchester skeptics annexed in hostile digital power grab

Ben Bonsall
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Re: I dunno...

Indeed. "Greater" Manchester. I just don't see it.

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The most tragic thing about the Ashley Madison hack? It was really 1% actual women

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Rule 29

On the internet, everyone is a cat until proven to be a bot. Who likes cats.

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Perhaps the AIpocalypse ISN'T imminent – if Google Translate is anything to go by, that is

Ben Bonsall
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Re: What should have been looked at

He said 58 words in the first film :)

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Ben Bonsall
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Re: Everyone does it

The irish tell jokes about people from Kerry. People in Kerry tell jokes about one particular village. The people of that village tell jokes about one family. The people in that family tell jokes about their dad. Who actually does all these things. He gets home from work and says 'I saw a guy on the bus today. He had custard in one ear and jelly in the other. I said "Are you a trifle deaf?" and he said, "No, I'm a mental patient."' And the family stand around saying 'I don't get it'

-Paul Merton

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Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank becomes TV reality

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Yes!

Not the Probe!

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Amazon UK conditions 'exhausting', claims union

Ben Bonsall
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totalling over 5 million square feet and over 4.3 million cubic feet of storage capacity.

one of those is wrong, unless 86% of their warehouses are 1 foot high and 700,000 square feet is flat. Or the whole lot is 9 inches high.

No wonder people complain, crawling about on their bellies all day.

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All hail Ikabai-Sital! Destroyer of worlds and mender of toilets

Ben Bonsall
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If anyone ever says 'You have a squeaky hinge, I can fix that' and reaches for vegetable oil, stop them, break their arms, kill them if needed. In two weeks, the vegetable oil will oxidize and resemble glue, causing the hinge not to squeak because it has ripped it's screws out of the wall.

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Cheers, Bill Gates. Who wouldn't want drinking water made from POO?

Ben Bonsall
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and a pilot project in motion

well, yes.

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ANIMALS being CUT UP to make Apple Watch straps

Ben Bonsall
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Do the shark skin ones still have the frikin' lasers attached?

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Typewriters suck. Yet we're infinitely richer for those irritating machines

Ben Bonsall
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Re: VW Beetle

My spitfire had that... 17GBP optional extra in 1963! (on a 600GBP car...)

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Malvertising campaign hits 10 MEELLION users in 10 days

Ben Bonsall
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10 million users in as many days?

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Ford's parallel PARCing: Motor giant tries to craft new tech just like Xerox

Ben Bonsall
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Or you might have an airbnb-for-cars scheme where you drive to work, then the car spends its time in a car share, with people using apps to hire and drive it until it's time for you to leave. You drive home and then put it out on the street again. A new generation of pimp my ride.

The last thing I want when I leave work to sit in a traffic jam is my car smelling of burger king, puke and other peoples farts.

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Blessed are the cheesemakers, for they have defined the smidge

Ben Bonsall
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Re: I'll take these with 0.3125ml of salt

We've been thrown off course just a tad.

What's that mean?

In space terms, about 70 million miles...

</quote>

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Nissan Juke Nismo RS: Family hot-hatch SUV that looks a bit like Darth Vader's hat

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Tut tut

what part of 7.0 seconds to 62 isn't sporty? that's as good as an e-type or a miura were! (admittedly, in 1970)

almost as quick as a renaultsport clio III, JCW mini cooper, Octavia RS...

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Ford's 400,000-car recall could be the tip of an auto security iceberg

Ben Bonsall
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“Cars which are capable of receiving instructions via the internet (such as software updates) are potentially more at risk of being hacked or meddled with than those which don’t,” warned Cluley

Potentially??!!

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Les Américains order a MEEELLION doughnuts ... from French baker

Ben Bonsall
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Re: My head exploded.

Probably based on the (also probably apocryphal) WWII story- Royal marines discovered that a condom stretched over the barrel of their machine guns stopped the oil from turning waxy on cold nights. Churchill heard about this, and approved an order for 18 inch condoms to be issued to them for this purpose, on the condition that they were clearly marked 'Made in Britain' and 'Medium size'

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Let me PLUG that up there, love. It’s perfectly standaAAARGH!

Ben Bonsall
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Spent a number of years in a rented house where the electric power shower isolator switch was switching the neutral instead of the live. So when you switched it off, the shower wouldn't work, but it could still kill you...

The landlord couldn't see why this was a problem.

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Trump carded: Wannabe prez's hotels 'ground zero' in banking breach

Ben Bonsall
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Whenever I read one of these stories, I always read POS as Pile of Shit...

"Cards were stolen via hacked Pile of Shit terminal software"

"Malware was discovered in our Pile of Shit system"

"40 million cards have been stolen from a Pile of Shit used by Home Depot"

etc.

And the first comment on this story:

This is what happens when your Pile of Shit systems run an inherently insecure operating systems like MS Windows...

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Shadow of the Beast: Amiga classic returns from the darkness

Ben Bonsall
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Re: it was the music

You could network STs with the midi ports... There were a bunch of multiplayer games working like this (mostly PD though). Midi maze was the best- Networked FPS where all the characters were big grinning spheres. A friend of mine wrote a 3d tennis game you needed red-blue glasses for. Fun times :)

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Ben Bonsall
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Had this on my lynx. (Still do, actually) The only time I completed the first level, the power brick smoked out, and being a skint kid I didn't have any batteries in... Annoyed me so much I went back to playing through Chip's Challenge again.

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Post-pub nosh neckfillers: Reader suggestions invited

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Smoking recipe

I blame the smell checker.

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Ben Bonsall
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Re: Greek Gyros?

Gyros is strips of marinated meat cooked on a giant vertical spit and shaved like a doner... Doner is minced and mixed with spices and sawdust and formed into an elephant's leg.

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Ben Bonsall
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Sticky Pasta

1) Open tin of tuna in oil. Must be in oil.

2) empty onto large plate

3) Boil spaghetti in a pan, with the plate with the tuna on as a lid.

4) once done, remove plate and drain spaghetti

5) grate copious quantities of cheddar cheese onto now warm tuna

6) put spaghetti on top of cheese

7) grate on more cheese

8) mix thoroughly

9) microwave plate for 1 min

10) splash on tobacco

11) eat with knife and fork. there is no way you can do the windy thing with the spoon if you have made it right, as everything will be one big lump of pasta tuna and cheese.

12) wash down with more of what you were drinking before

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British banks consider emoji as password replacement

Ben Bonsall
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What the hell is an emoji?

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Elon Musk pours more Kool-Aid into Powerwall

Ben Bonsall
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10kW inverters are common in the narrow boating community, well, among live aboards anyway... (often as a pair of 5kV with a manager and phase syncer)

But then most of the continuous use stuff is 12 or 24v anyway, so the only big loads are oven, hob (if gas-free,) washer/dryer, microwave.

Still, if you want a solar house, or a battery backup for storing economy 7, then time to convert as much as you can to 24v anyway. Do these things have a 24v take off, or only 240v?

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DON’T add me to your social network, I have NO IDEA who you are

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Oh yes!

What icon, exactly, best expresses this sentiment?

Surely it just needs to be a thumbs up icon, with an arse above it?

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ECJ: Hey Belgian telcos - don't bother serving the huddled masses

Ben Bonsall
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"Unlike other Robin Hoods, *I* can do an English accent"

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A 16 Petaflop Cray: The key to fantastic summer barbecues

Ben Bonsall
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Finally, the met office has a computer which has power and heat characteristics significant enough to require inclusion into the climate models it's designed to run...

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Spaniards get that cinking feeling

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Optional

They say 'whiffy' here. 'Do you have whiffy?' 'There's a problem with my whiffy.' etc.

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Google I/O FORTRESS: Sold-out dev conference is in LOCKDOWN

Ben Bonsall
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Do the wristbands include a heart rate monitor and skin galvanometer, feeding back to a chip in the speakers brain that allows them to tailor the speech based on the emotional response of the audience?

Or some kind of electroshock or tranquilizer needle for pacifying unrest or removing 'awkward questions'?

And does the personalized mountain dew contains a specific isotopic tracer so they know who you meet with... And maybe to check that when you popped out to the loo, you really went to the loo and not to post some secret sauce to an anonymous blog?

And if not, why not?

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City of birth? Why password questions are a terrible idea

Ben Bonsall
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If I get free choice of question, then I tend to do jeopardy-style, the question goes in the answer box, the answer in the question... So 'please answer your security question: Bugsy?' with the answer 'what was your grandma's dog called'

Surprisingly easy to remember.

If not, I make up something rubbish like 'Where did you go to school?' 'Zamonia High' and store it in my password manager. Which is kind of redundant. If I have the password manager to get the answer from, then I also have the password.

Note: My grandma didn't have a dog.

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Airbus warns of software bug in A400M transport planes

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Fail Safe?

Rule Zero: Do not be on fire.

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Please no non-consensual BACKDOOR SNIFFING, Mr Obama

Ben Bonsall
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We have breakable non breakable encryption anyway, they just don't get it.

With enough compute power, you can crack RSA, it's just maths. Sure, you can't crack all encrypted communication, but once you have a legitimate target, you just need to crack theirs. 5 years ago (when 768 bit was first cracked), they reckoned a $1billion computer network could crack 1024 bit rsa in a useful timeframe. I'm sure they've spent several more billions since then. No backdoor required, just cash and a target.

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LOHAN's final test flight moniker: The people must decide

Ben Bonsall
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Cheers!

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Ben Bonsall
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PRATCHETT is good, but for me it's a tossup between FIREBALL and FIST. As always.

Atmospheric Balloon-O-Rocket Test For Ultimate ChecK oF Unstable Configuration

Korrection And Also Reentry Guidance Handling!

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Californians get first chance to be RUN OVER by a GOOGLE ROBOT

Ben Bonsall
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Re: No need to worry

If it doesn't have Robert Picardo's head in the front seat i'm not getting in.

Also, 25mph on my commute? Luxury! I'm lucky if I get 25kph.

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NSA spying is illegal? Then let's make it law, say Republicans

Ben Bonsall
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NINE (cheer!)

ELEVEN (cheer!)

Hey, this politics lark is easier than I thought.

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Calamity cargo capsule DOOMED: Space station pod in fireball re-entry

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Gaining altitude?

IT's in an elliptical orbit, right now the apogee is over the south pacific, perigee over the uk

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Jawbone Up4 tapcash wristjob: Get BONKING with the latest sweaty hipster toy

Ben Bonsall
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Year of NFC

Doesn't sound half so interesting as Year of Bonking.

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HUGE Aussie asteroid impact sent TREMORS towards the EARTH'S CORE

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Chicxulub

That's not an asteroid impact crater, it was made with a spoon.

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Big Data shocker: Over 6 million Americans have reached the age of 112

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Or, just *maybe*

"One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach; all the damn vampires"

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Droidberry dangles: Why the BlackBerry-Samsung alliance is big potatoes

Ben Bonsall
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Droidberry dangles sounds serious.

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Does my star look big in this? Milky Way 50 per cent fatter than expected

Ben Bonsall
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Re: I'm having trouble visualising the scale of this thing

Depends. It's exactly the size of one standard Galactipool table though.

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World’s oldest IT dining society breaks into the House of Lords

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Damn good show.

They tried that, unfortunately government rules say you must have a secretary present if a decision is to be taken. So the official decision is taken after the lunch, when no one can quite remember what was decided before the brandy arrived. Because of course you wouldn't want the secretary taking notes over lunch.

(Dramatization, may not have happened)

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The Platform?

Ben Bonsall
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The Platform?

What is it and when did the link appear next to the channel?

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UK spaceport, phase two: Now where do we PUT the bleeding thing?

Ben Bonsall
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...including the aviation-related environmental impacts...

I.e. Crashes.

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Lost WHITE CITY of the MONKEY GOD found after 500 years

Ben Bonsall
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Re: Threepwood!

"How to get ahead when navigating?"

"Hey, this sounds interesting!"

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