* Posts by Destroy All Monsters

10212 posts • joined 3 Jun 2008

US giant NBC 'leaks' PRIVATE Amazon keys in Github Glenn gaffe

Destroy All Monsters
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Re: Umm (2)

What in God's Green EARTH were they thinking to put the AWS Access secrets and keys on Git Hub in the FIRST PLACE?!?!

"Mwahahahaha!!! Mwahaha! CURSED! YOU ARE ALL CURSED!! I SAY!!!"

We see a crooked finger resolutly ress "enter" to confirm "git push" under the otherworldy green glare of a phosporescent glass TTY.

An immense thunderbolt rents the night, illuminating the baleful scene. The subsequent thunder blows the control room to smithereens.

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Destroy All Monsters
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Re: Umm

Pegged at Ron Paul Doom Level 3, no less!

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Jupiter's Great Red Spot becoming mere pimple

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Re: Heat and food + wind to stir it up

I tend to agree. "Rendezvous with Medusa", "As on a Darkling Plain" etc. Space, Time and Free Energy. Let the computation ... begin!

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Destroy All Monsters
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Re: ...

But the zero-G effects were pretty bad. They couldn't decide what parts of the Leonov were zero-G and which not.

And don't get me started on MOMENTUM ELIMINATION when stopping the centrifuge.

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Destroy All Monsters
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Devil

From the desk of that guy who is Secretary of State

The People of the United States of America strenously object to this interstellar attempt at intimidation and WILL forcefully confront any further alien activity alluding to the use of non-diplomatic solutions to the European Question.

The right of the USA to land on Europa is unassaible and not up for discussion.

Indeed, interstellar arrest warrants have already been issued by the Federal Court of Lower Bumfuck against the following aliens: Grwz-kronb, Liob-Harr, TTS-56 and Lllllluurrinnnnnurin The Elder.

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Siri, what do you make of IBM's Cognea gobble? Oh, we can't print THAT

Destroy All Monsters
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"My information may well be of use to you, Stalker"

I can't wait

I have had it with the conversation in the office which seems to be coming from a mid-00s game on endless repeat.

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Uncivil engineering: US society skewers self-published science

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No-one expects...

...the civil engineering.

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Chip and SKIM: How dodgy crypto can leave shoppers open to fraud

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Trollface

Re: Absolute rubbish

This paper is scaremongering...

Ah, the sickly sweet smell of VISA's PR department is wafting in.

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Paris Hilton

Who decided to use that word as the name for a transaction id?

Well-Known-Tabloid readers equipped with credit cards?

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BEAM ME UP SCOTTY: Boffins to turn PURE LIGHT into MATTER

Destroy All Monsters
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Re: On the flip side

No, that's not that at all. That is about creating LIGHT. Here, you want to create FROM LIGHT.

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Destroy All Monsters
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Re: Cheez

MATERIALISM EVERYWHERE!

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EU phone home! Cloudy transatlantic cable coughs, gags, chokes

Destroy All Monsters
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Black Helicopters

Let unmarked helos...

...power up

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US authorities name five Chinese military hackers wanted for espionage

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Re: Here's a pretty good take what this is all about.

One word: jobs. Cyber-espionage costs U.S. companies around $100 billion every year, according to a report from the Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS).

Yeah well, I can make up about 5 farty statistics before breakfast, too.

I wonder why "jobs" are not being talked about when the Chinese are financing the US by buying shitty treasuries while bleeding themselves dry exporting goods they had better make for their internal market?

Political arguing, I guess. Soundbites, stupidity and talking points.

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Destroy All Monsters
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Paris Hilton

Re: The last time the US confronted China on spying, they brought out Snowden.

Not sure whether you should get your head examined or whether you are getting paid to write such drivel?

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Stock and awe: Top City biz takes £32m hit after software upgrade axed

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Devil

Re: It can happen anywhere

You can't tell. May well be freshly printed money i.e. essentially money inflated out of your pocket.

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WHOMP! There it is: IBM demos 154TB tape

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Re: Tape is dead!!!

...but it has to hurtle down the highway otherwise it is just archival storage.

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Software 'appointed to board' of venture capital firm

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Re: MATCH FACTOR: 100%

Only after the new swimming pool has been installed and the customer appropriately fleeced.

Then it's just like "Deal WIth It!" (Puts on sunglasses)

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Destroy All Monsters
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Terminator

MATCH FACTOR: 100%

"I need your boots, your clothes and your pension scheme!"

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Bitcoin blockchain allegedly infected by ancient 'Stoned' virus

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Big Brother

Regulation is what will keep Wall Street down. Oh wait...

the increasing regulatory attention the crypto-currency is receiving

Indeed, once "regulators" show up, you know the pigs are there, fearing to be be possibly kept away from a good feast.

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Real, hovering SPEEDER BIKE can be YOURS for cheaper than a house

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Big Brother

Ewoks have been declared "wood terrorists". If Vader hadn't had such a soft-on-terror core, he would have agentoranged their hide off a long time ago. They are fair game, I say!

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Destroy All Monsters
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Re: Pointless.

go watch the bit in "Zero Dark Thirty" where the stealth chopper gets too close to the wall and star

Protip: These are not documentaries.

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Destroy All Monsters
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Paris Hilton

Re: It is not russians which you need to be afraid of

a shoulder launched Strela missile in an apartment block

MY KIND OF COUNTRY!

But these are the goods that the CIA DOESN't want the Syrian "rebels" to have (as officially stated two days ago) lest they blow up a few of "our" Airbus Lard Transporters on final approach (can't have that, there may be discontentment among the people). You are telling me you can find these in slavic apartment blocks?

There was even some relief that Ghaddafi's arsenal, rapidly disappearing into the neighborhood, only included the vehicle-mounted version which apparently cannot be readily converted to be man-portable.

Russia or even the US look distinctly unarmed

I hear gun control in Russia is rather restrictive? Well, it may not be enforced of course.

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Destroy All Monsters
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Re: Blades of Death

There goes the mobe again!

BELENG BELENG BELENG FRUPT!

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Cloud computing aka 'The future is trying to KILL YOU'

Destroy All Monsters
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Re: "It's the end of history I tell ye"

Deja Vu: That's when they change the number of zeros on a dollar bill.

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Destroy All Monsters
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Re: Numbers, please!

Some numbers, actually!

The Brutal, Beneath-the-Surface, Slo-Mo Crash of Stocks

One place to find some of them grouped together is the Cloud Index maintained by VC firm Bessemer Venture Partners. There are 37 publicly traded “cloud” companies in the index. The list below shows the top 23 by market cap, ranging from Salesforce with $31 billion in market cap to LogMeIn with just under $1 billion. The average decline from their individual 52-week highs is 41.1%. A serious crash.

Image

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Destroy All Monsters
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Holmes

Numbers, please!

Show me the ROIs which are currently being rendered "irrelevant" by deformed markets and Keynesians policies of the worst sort.

Show me that all of this won't come thumbling down with a fat case of Cloud Gout when:

0) China implodes as its housing bubble bursts, taking "cheap asian manufacturers" iith it.

1) The US implodes in an accelerated and decidely deeper version of 2007 with no way to kick the can further down the road via TARPery, Bailouts, Bailins or Quantitative Belching.

2) Large numbers of feelers into "new technologies" are being pulled back as cash flows driven by cheap money wither. Crazy-horse companies collapse while those with ways to still pay the bills retrench to stable platforms and actually try to finish and stabilize projects for once.

3) The cloud turns out to have dotcom levels of overcapacity and hype as customers pull out or die off, leaving large fixed assets that are rapidly deprecating against balance sheets that are already redlined.

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WORLD LOSES MIND: Uber valued at TEN BEEELLION DOLLARS, Pinterest pegged at $5bn

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Big Brother

SEEMS THAT THE MUSIC HAS ACTUALLY STOPPED!

Momo Meltdown Singes San Francisco Housing Bubble

San Francisco’s favorite baby, Twitter – so favorite that the city’s taxpayers were shanghaied into granting it tens of millions of dollars’ worth of payroll tax exemptions so that it would move from one building to another a few blocks away, rather than move to another city whose taxpayers might have been shanghaied into an even worse deal. Well, Twitter is the locally best known among these momentum fiascos, down 56% from its high in less than five months. Hope has wheezed out of it.

The Bay Area is full of these companies that are part of the big money transfer machine that is screeching to a halt. Take FireEye, in Milpitas, next to San Jose. It sells network and cloud security products, one of those formerly white-hot sectors. These outfits follow the same pattern: immensely hyped pre-IPO funding rounds with ever sillier valuations, an even more hyped IPO (last September), a Wall-Street instigated run-up into the stratosphere, and then a giant hissing sound. It’s down 72% from its high in March and trades well below its IPO price. Like Twitter and most of the others, it’s still way overvalued. In this manner, spread over hundreds of companies, many billions in fake wealth have evaporated in just a few months.

That brutally bursting stock bubble is wreaking havoc on IPO and momentum-stock hype, and on the necessary flow of money from all over the world to the Bay Area. The whole construct begins to teeter. And it’s already taking down housing in San Francisco.

That magnificent February, when the median home sold for $945,000, something terrible was already under way: sales were stalling. Turns out, only a few wealthy people could afford to buy a median home at this price, but wealthy people – even those freshly minted millionaires – don’t like to live in median homes, which is a two-bedroom apartment in San Francisco. And so in March, the price of the median home dropped to $937,500, according to DataQuick. The hot air had begun hissing out of the San Francisco housing bubble. And in April, the price dropped again to $922,500. While that is still up 13.2% from prior year, it’s down 2.4% from just two months ago.

That this drop came in March and April is particularly nasty. This is the time when home prices rise. Even during the down-years of 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011 when the housing bubble in San Francisco was imploding, home prices religiously rose in March and April! So this downdraft is very special; and an early indication that this fabulous boom is once again turning, as it always and inevitably does, into a bust.

Well, if we finagle World War III for August, in time for the WWI centenary, all of that could be reinflated, right? KEYNESIANS ALWAYS WIN!

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Kaspersky warns of IMPOSTER mobile security apps

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Paris Hilton

Groping in the dark, my marks they will not heal!

If only there were something like a "trademark" and also a way to sign apps using something like a "secret key"....

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So you reckon Nokia-wielding Microsoft can't beat off Apple?

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Trollface

Re: Strange analysis

At least there would be no 'stab in the back' legends being invented.

S'truth. It was actually aliens. Aliens allied to the Justified Ancients of Zeon.

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Urinating teen polluted 57 Olympic-sized swimming pools - cops

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Re: Re birds taking dumps

I have often drunk piss on courses

WHAT!

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Boffins run iOS apps on Android hardware

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Holmes

Re: But the Other Way Around

You need to read up on how patents work.

Like proving that there is no bug in your code that will send PASSENGER PLUNGING TO THEIR DEATH, SCREAMING, there is no way to prove that no patents have been violated ("violating patents", a nice form of unspeak come to think of it...)

the only way to run them if it's proven that Android violates Apple patents!

Samsung won't care about Yankees claiming ownership of idea space.

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Destroy All Monsters
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Re: "Diplomatic functions leverage per-thread personas,"

It is only going to hell if a COFFINBOFFIN utters the above statement, darkly.

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Cloud computing is FAIL and here’s why

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Re: Rants vs. Reporting and Analysis

But this IS the "Something for the Weekend" column.

The Daily Mail has Moms in Rage, we have Dabbs'

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Destroy All Monsters
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Re: Disagreement here dude!

"to make a decent commercial model of it!"

Erm... I....

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Destroy All Monsters
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Devil

Cloud Wars!

Clouder: Uh, everything's under control. Situation normal.

Customer: What happened?

Clouder: Uh, we had a slight SOAP malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

Customer: We're sending a lawyer up.

Clouder: Uh, uh... negative, negative. We had a data leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous.

Customer: Who is this? What's your SLA?

Clouder: Uh...

[Clouder slams down the VoIP phone]

Clouder: Boring conversation anyway. PFY!!!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE COMPANY!

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Crypto-guru slams 'NSA-proof' tech, says today's crypto is strong enough

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You mean they did this on purpose?

IPsec: It can’t have got that bad by accident

IPsec was a great disappointment to us [...] virtually nobody is satisfied with the process or the result [...] the documentation is very hard to understand [...] the ISAKMP specifications [the NSA’s main overt contribution to IPsec] contain numerous errors, essential explanations are missing, and the document contradicts itself in various places [...] none of the IPsec documentation provides any rationale for any of the choices that were made [...] the reviewer is left to guess [...]

“A Cryptographic Evaluation of IPsec”, Niels Ferguson and Bruce Schneier, from the first 5 pages of 28

And also: How to fuck things up while no-one notices

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Destroy All Monsters
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Take your FIPS and shove it!

"FIPS 140 doesn’t allow you to fix things. We did specifically ask if we had any discretion at all in the choice of points and were told that we were required to use the compromised points [...] if you want to be FIPS 140-2 compliant you MUST use the compromised points"

But wouldn’t the FIPS validation have caught the fact that the OpenSSL implementation didn’t work? Not only the original validation but many subsequent validations have successfully passed the algorithm tests ... several hundred times now. That’s a lot of fail [...] the FIPS 140-2 validation testing isn’t very useful for catching real-world problems

“Flaw in Dual EC DRBG (no, not that one)”, Steve Marquess

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Destroy All Monsters
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Did someone hear a trumpet being blown?

"It’s probably at least some sort of sign of the end times when your conference badge has a rootkit"

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Interstellar FIGHT CLUB: Watch neutron star TEAR Goliath a new hole

Destroy All Monsters
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Devil

Re: Time scale?

gravity wave generation

That kind of gravity wave sure is gonna put cellulitis on your arse!

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Destroy All Monsters
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Pirate

Re: But...

HAH! Captain Harlock got his Arkadia built even with Earth parliament in complete hedonistic dissolution in the face of the threat of alien invasion, and mainly bent of capturing and publicly executing him.

Pirate-flagged Libertarianism FTW!

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Destroy All Monsters
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Holmes

DAT GAS!

I'm sure that cloud of gaseous neutronium is more harmful than diesel engine exhaust fumes or asbestos.

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Titsup Russian rocket EXPLODES, destroys $275m telly satellite

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Devil

SOFTWAR!

Those little logic bombs work, do they?

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IBM accidentally invents new class of polymers

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No-one? Oh, okay then...

IBM researcher Jeannette M. Garcia forget to add one ingredient during some lab work. That happy error led the compound she was working on to become hard.

FNARR! FNARR!

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Giant pop can FOUND ON MOON

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Windows

Re: Great sweating Pocari!

I still don't know, but I know artist Moebius did an addy about it a long time ago, with Cindy Crawford riding the large "mouette à béton".

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Adobe blames 'maintenance failure' for 27-hour outage

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Holmes

Re: If something ain't broke - don't fix it !

if something ain't broke - don't fix it !

Frankly, this is a bit 60's. Today you CAN fix it - if you have the automated test cases ready to run at the drop of a hat.

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FCC mulls two-speed internet, axing net neutrality ... unless you convince it otherwise

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Facepalm

Let the Circus ... begin!

Monopolists who will press their monopoly advantage and good congressional connections on one side, socialistic "the same price for everyone and everyone gets the same shit" rainbow-colored hippies who think technology grows in bionic garden sheds and is a "human right" on the other.

Fschk that, give me multi-speed internet, but let competition reign!

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Graphics pros left hanging as Adobe Creative Cloud outage nears 24 hours

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Trollface

Re: SaaS

But the cause has been identified!

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Why faff with a piddly microSD when there's a 2TB vault tempting your selfie-stuffed mobe?

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Devil

2 TB of tits, ass, fake smiles and vapid "girllfriends"?

Hell yeah!

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Chap rebuilds BBC Micro in JavaScript

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Re: Bah!

Our IP lawyers will be in touch....

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Philips lobs patent sueball at Nintendo in US: Seeks to BAN Wii U

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Paris Hilton

NEED MORE CASH!

Apparently the regulatory capture forcing us all to buy their stupid "low energy" "lightbulbs" (powered by dark energy judging from the emitted light) BY LAW isn't sufficent?

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