* Posts by A. Coatsworth

210 posts • joined 29 May 2008

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Yahoo! thanks! Asian! equity! for! 36! PERCENT! income! boost!

A. Coatsworth
Alert

Re: I rather agree that the Yahoo! house style is getting a little tiresome.

I don't think it's a joke anymore.

It's more like a part of El Reg's style guide: Yahoo! stories must have exclamation marks in the title, Google is to be referred to as the Chocolate Factory, and every Apple story must include the text "The register tried to contact Apple representatives but they have not answered at the time of publication"

And I don't have problems with any of them... I think they are part of the site's charm.

YMMV

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Raspberry Pi space jaunt ends in dramatic mountain rescue

A. Coatsworth
Black Helicopters

What are they hiding?

Something was clearly (and poorly) edited from the first sky pic, near the bottom right corner. What did they find up there? Evidence of the sky-beasts that roam above us? An intelligence from beyond the stars? The newest project from the marvelous mad scientists at DARPA?

Tinfoil hat is firmly in place. Black choppers are circling. Conspiracy time is go!

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Apple's marketing honcho Schiller attacks Android, Samsung

A. Coatsworth
Headmaster

I guess the author wanted to say "El Número Dos"

Other than that, I'll just say it's infuriating (and at the same time oddly amusing) watching both companies flinging sh*t at each other, like monkeys in a cage, rather than trying to convince customers about why their shiny glass bricks are better than the other's shiny glass bricks.

Not that the situation is going to change in the foreseeable future...

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Sony promises PC-based PlayStation 4 for Christmas

A. Coatsworth
FAIL

Re: Social? .... Where's the SPLIT-SCREEN gameplay?!

"narcissistic wank". Indeed there's no better way to describe all this hype surrounding social networking.

Maybe I'd be interested in the list of games my friends are playing, but watching replays of their games? please... I can't understand why would anyone think I want to know what they are they doing every second of the day. Hell, I'm sure nobody cares about what I am doing when I play. As with current social networks, this will be a case where everybody broadcast for their own pleasure, so they can feel important on the web; and nobody, NOBODY listens... a pathetic state of affairs, really

And I couldn't agree more with you about the split screen gameplay. I found a fair number of PS3 games that had that option, but usually it was buried in the menus or, in the case of RE5, plainly absent from the menu, so you had to follow a series of cryptic button presses in order to get it.

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El Reg contemplates the ultimate cuppa

A. Coatsworth
Alert

Not a connoisseur

... Far from it, as you shall see, but the only way I have found I enjoy tea is strong, with a generous amount of lemon juice and two sugars (Not iced tea, but hot tea with lemon)

For some reason, the taste of tea with milk makes me think of dirty socks... It's not that it *tastes* like socks (at least not exactly), but I have that strange association in my mind, and accordingly, find the tea with milk repulsive

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China may axe 13-year console ban, games OK for kids after all

A. Coatsworth

Re: Puzzling

No. Not all of them are from South Korea

A quick search in the Bootnotes got me this: "A Chinese Dad has come up with a unique way of persuading his game-addicted son to turn engage with the real world: hiring gaming pros to destroy his morale by hunting him down online"

What a quick search didn't get me was how to put a link here, so I'll just leave the url:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/01/07/chinese_man_assassinates_son_online/

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Nokia turns a PROFIT. Sort of

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Re: so basically if they hadn't axed symbian

I just got a massively discounted Nokia 700. It's a nice little smartphone that uses Belle. It does what I need it to do and is actually very pleasant to use, barring a few minor hiccups when I unlock it.

But after all it's already 1 year old, and watching it I can't stop thinking *what could have been* if Symbian continued alive. It's really, really sad

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Plasma boffins' POWERFUL wind now a key clue to fiery Sun

A. Coatsworth
Joke

Nah, something called "Large Plasma Device" probably consumes "Exotic Fuel-y Stuff" and is controlled via "Huge Thingamajigs with Knobs on Them"

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Don't touch Sony, Panasonic's junk, says credit agency

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

"When a company reaches junk level, it will find it almost impossible to raise money for its business, which can push it over the edge"

So Finch is basically giving them the Kiss of Death. If true, t hat's a lot of power. Who controls it? is there any way to ensure it's objective?

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Wii U disassembly reveals unusual innards

A. Coatsworth

Re: Only one thing I want to know

There is a proper controller... "classic pro" or something like that... can't remember the name. I was announced on last E3 and looks very much like a Xbox 360 controller (TOO much, for my liking)

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New Zealand issues Hobbit money

A. Coatsworth
Pint

Re: Sadder still (was: Tui......)

So that's why skunky beer is skunky... I had always thought it was just a baseless perception, never knew the chemistry behind it.

And that's why I love El Reg's forums... you always learn something new!

(non-skunky) cheers!

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Inside the real-world Double-O section of Her Majesty's Secret Service

A. Coatsworth
Joke

Re: "a major espionage centre like Vienna"

They are trying to get the secrets of the Hapsburg Napkin Fold, obviously

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Nintendo Wii U launch and pricing disclosed

A. Coatsworth

Re: Is not the price, or the controller for me

That "Nintendo Land" thing that was announced in last E3 and a new super Mario Bros are the most important first party games that will be available at launch... If that's an indicator, I'll hope the family centric / party games emphasis of the Wii won't be completely lost with this new console.

I don't think Nintendo needs to ditch the hosts of new customers they got in order to get back the hardcore gamers... if they can balance both aspects, the WiiU will be a hit. Sounds risky, though

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Windows 8? Nah: Win Phone 8 should give Apple the fear

A. Coatsworth
Windows

"No, the real Windows Phone 8 advantage is actually that it's not iOS or Android"

I wholeheartedly agree with the author here.

I'm stuck with a still trusty, but very old and badly aged Nokia phone. I haven't migrated to a new one for a simple reason: I dislike Google. The problem is I dislike Apple even more, and I'm pretty sure I can't be the only person in this situation.

When HP bought Palm, my hopes went thru the roof: I had found HP iPaqs to have rather acceptable hardware, but appalling behavior, and Palm could have been the solution. I shed a tear for WebOS when HP killed it.

Now there's a new option in town, and given my (admittedly somewhat irrational) aversion for both Apple and Android, I may as well give Win Phone a chance.

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Ten movies inspired by video games

A. Coatsworth
Thumb Up

Re: Silent Hill wasn't bad.

You're right. The first half in particular was surprisingly good, they made a fine job capturing the creepy and disturbing ambient of the game and translating it to the movie.

Sadly, in the second half they just dropped the ball, somewhere just after the jaw-droppingly brutal attack of the Pyramid Head. I don't know, I just feel they abandoned the links to the games and started doing *whatever* with the characters... the quality of the film fell sharply as a consequence.

When they <SPOILERS> killed Cybill </SPOILERS>, I knew they had gone too far.

Even so, it's one of the best video game movies out there. Which is kind of sad if you think about it

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Amazon exploited by hacker in scribe's epic Apple iCloud pwn

A. Coatsworth
Paris Hilton

A lingering question

"Phobia said that the whole intrusion was designed to take control of Honan's Twitter feed because it had a three-character handle: @mat."

Why? What's so special about a three-character name?

.... Or Phobia has phobia of short handles?

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FATTIES are DESTROYING THE WORLD, scream mad professors

A. Coatsworth
WTF?

Re: Too Many Humans

I would say it was Agent Smith, or maybe the Gozer the Gozerian

... because if a person wrote that, talking about humans in 3rd person, he or she needs professional help, pronto!

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Sony slams Nintendo Wii U functionality

A. Coatsworth

Vita integration

I only see 2 options here: If the PS4 games are made to really integrate the Vita into the gameplay, but I don't have the Vita, will I be missing half the game because I am playing an incomplete version with just the basic controller? In this case, I could be forced to buy the Vita just to fully utilize the console and games I already have.

On the other hand, if the games are created to work fine without the Vita, I would just get access to throw-away gimmicks that probably won't justify buying the handheld console (just like it happened with the GameBoy Advance and Game Cube... hooking them up was a waste of time and money)

In the case of WiiU, the tablet is part of the console, so the games *should* be optimized to use it. I'd say It's a safe bet that at least first party Nintendo games will be making a good use of it.

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Gamers, test your 1990s knowledge

A. Coatsworth
FAIL

Damn you, Register... damn you to hell!

I *had* to work today, didn't you know?

The FAIL? it's for me, and for today's tasks

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Steve Jobs was top of the flops, says Apple's Tim Cook

A. Coatsworth
Coat

D10 Tech conference...

So, when Apple representatives are talking, would it be the "iD10-T" conference?

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Return to Castle Wolfenstein

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

"jarhead black-humour"

Great game actually., I still should have the CD somewhere... but they made a terrible mistake with the "black humour" mentioned by the writer: they made me feel pity and even *gulp* sympathy for the poor nazi soldiers... a thing that should never, ever happen!

At the start of one level you could hear 2 sentries complaining because the night was freezing and the high command hadn't issued them with enough blankets, so they had to endure the night shift under prepared... a few second later, I hosed them with a spray of hot lead, it was the only sensible thing to do. In another level, other 2 soldiers were scared sh*tless by the murdered beast that had escaped from the dungeon (i.e. Blazkowitz) Poor, poor guys

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Syrian secret police endorse male hair remover

A. Coatsworth
Black Helicopters

Thanks to this article and fellow commentards, I've visited, in rapid succession, pages about a drum of lube, a children's book, pepper spray and a male hair removal gel... all linked from an article that directly addresses torture...

Now, the FBI is watching me.... isn't it? ISN'T IT??

Black choppers... I'm certain they're circling me...

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<b>SPACE</b> the final frontier

A. Coatsworth
Alien

Satellite tracking

Hi all

I'm trying to look for a site that allows me to "see" what satellites or other orbiting objects were visible from a given point in the ground at a given date. I've checking heavens-above but, although it's a great site, don't provide this capability (or at least not during daylight hours)... Google only took me so far...

The reason for the question (as if it matters) is that I saw today a really faint dot in the sky, around 11:30 am, I watched it by sheer chance in the first place, as it was almost invisible. It wasn't Sirius, as it seemed to move slowly and in a seemingly straight line, but seemed too distant to be a plane. I thought it could be the ISS (it wasn't) or maybe an Iridium satellite, but cant find a way to be sure.

Little green men from Outer Space? I hope no...

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Biologists create synthetic DNA capable of EVOLUTION

A. Coatsworth
Alert

Tekeli-li... tekeli-li

Because morphing bio-blobs worked sooo well for the Elder Ones...

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Cosmic ray source riddle mystery now even more mysterious

A. Coatsworth
Thumb Up

Re: James Bond

It reminded me of the Siberian missions in Goldeneye (the video game)... the only thing missing is a blocky Spetnaz dude making cartwheels

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Google faces WHOPPING FTC fine for Safari privacy gaffe

A. Coatsworth
Trollface

Re: What're people moaning about?

A for intentions

D for execution

Overall, subject must improve trolling skills before attempting the action again.

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Telefonica recruits EA to lure punters with games, deals

A. Coatsworth
Devil

Unholy...

Telefonica AND Electronic Arts? this couldn't be more evil if Google itself was part of the plan... who inked the contract, Beelzebub?

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Apple screws UK disties, punts just 13,000 iPads to channel

A. Coatsworth

Re: Surprised

I don't think it's that odd... If the things only work as advertised in the States (see Siri or the 4g Australian fiasco) it's no wonder they prefer to sell them were they can be actually used, and be less prone to lawsuits...

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LOHAN demonstrates impressive sucking skills

A. Coatsworth
Happy

Inches of mercury? Bar? NONSENSE!

as others have pointed out, we want future reports about the REHAB experiment expressed in the proper pressure unit: putrid goats

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Apple Oz offers refunds for confused 4G iPad owners

A. Coatsworth
Angel

Obligatory comment

Change your country. Not that big of a deal.

Steve.

Sent from my iHeaven

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So, what IS the worst film ever made?

A. Coatsworth

Alexander is one of the saddest things I've ever (half) watched. What a pretentious, self important piece of crap it was. I just couldn't make it to the end.

I would have just mentioned "Transformers", but I'm certain it was already nominated many times... wait, I just mentioned it anyway, didn't I?

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Pope Benedict in .XXX pro-Islam cybersquat drama

A. Coatsworth
Pint

@Steven Roper

Yes, I know atheism is not a belief system and doesn't have a doctrine or standard practices, and is only the lack of it... Using that word in my previous post maybe wasn't the best decision, in the context.

Sadly that doesn't refrains a certain amount people to push their point of view* into everyone's faces as annoyingly and constantly as some religious congregations.

I have met persons, both in the internet and IRL, that just can't resist the urgency to tell world+dog how better that everyone else they are because they're atheist at any possible opportunity (and if the opportunity doesn't present itself, they'll create gladly).

I know they are a minority but they are a very vocal and annoying minority and they really give atheist a bad name, just as religious nutters do to the vast percentage of the population that is perfectly normal and adjusted, and just happen to believe in this or that god.

And yes, the world would be a better place if people just respected everyone's beliefs (or lack thereof) and just worked in peace, instead of promoting their position as "superior", by reason or force... I'll drink to that

*for lacking of a better word. "Pushing their absence of belief" would be more to the point, but sounds just weird

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A. Coatsworth
Facepalm

Re: Scott Broukell

A (ironically) holier-than-thou atheist pitches his unrequested beliefs to the public in the form of an atrocious "joke" and shortly afterwards asks people to keep their beliefs to themselves... should we lock him in the same bar with the religious persons? would that solve the problem?

Do atheism inhibits the sense of irony in people?

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Samsung backside-bitten by emoticon patent trollery

A. Coatsworth
Thumb Down

Question (AKA WTF?!)

So Samsung got a patent. It infringes an older patent, but how could Samsung know?

I would have guessed it's the Patent Office's job doing a background this kind of situation, not the patent submitter... is it?

Or can the office just say "tough luck" and get with it?

I'm not defending Samsung (this whole patent war is beyond stupid) but I think it's unfair that they, or anyone else, lose a patent because of what looks like a gross ineptitude of the patent office

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Hands on with Kinect Star Wars

A. Coatsworth
Thumb Up

Re: Mike Brown

Not sure about what the Move can do (I have never tried one) but I'd think it at least matches, and probably surpasses Wii's Motion Plus capabilities.

A game with something like Skyward Sword's gameplay, PS3's graphic power and a Star Wars theme would be a blast... It doesn't sound that hard to do, does it?

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Solar storm has a 'sting in its tail', warn space weathermen

A. Coatsworth
Joke

"what is the data in all that energy?"

"F*ck your puny electronic devices, earthlings"

At least, that's my guess

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LOHAN is heading towards REHAB

A. Coatsworth
Pint

Don't forget...

Beer, and lots of it!

Proper garden-shed science can't be done without the input of generous amounts of ethanol

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Lithuania rules beer brewing 'vitally essential' to life

A. Coatsworth
Pint

Re: Buying beer from a disgruntled workforce

Would anyone note the difference?

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Giant stick insect saved from extinction

A. Coatsworth
Joke

I saw the pics...

And I'm sure that God, Odin, Buddha o whoever may be, INTENDED to disappear that damned things from Earth.

We humans should finish the work, not try to save them...

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Asteroid could SMASH INTO EARTH in 2040

A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

Re: So...

Yeah, we just need to attach a VASIMIR engine to the asteroid next time it gets close and let it work its magic. (I guess 2023 would be a very reasonable time to do it)

But of course, panicking is always the funniest alternative

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Scroogle unplugged for good this time

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Re: Dang

Ixquick (http://ixquick.com) is another decent option.

I find its results are a bit weaker than Duckduckgo's, but it's worth a shot.

I usually jump between these two when I'm looking for something, and so far they stand up to the job.

RIP, Scroogle...

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Google swings new mobile unlock patent punch at Apple

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

@ Peter 48

That's exactly what I say... Right now MS is by far the least terrible option (which, in itself is a VERY surreal situation) Apple and Google are in my opinion equally disgusting, although for very different reasons...

I had such high hopes in WebOS when HP bought it... just to have them crushed a year later

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A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

Any possibilities the final clash between Google and Apple ends with their mutual annihilation?

<--- One can only hope...

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PARIS soars to Guinness World Record

A. Coatsworth
Joke

Re: What's next?

As far as I know, this IS the whole British space program!

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Black Ops has best videogame ending ever

A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

Talking about endings, how can StarCraft/Broodwar be missing from the list?

The three ending cinematics are just amazing. Particularly, the UEN Newsreel at the end of the Terran campaign is one of my favorite cutscenes in the history of videogames.

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Google pushes your buttons in its top strip bar - AGAIN

A. Coatsworth
Pint

With Scroogle having more and more problems (lately, half the searches I make there end up in the "We are so sorry, Google is treating us as spambots" page), it seems DuckDuckGo is the best option available (thanks to the many commenters who have recommended it in these formus) , and in the few weeks I've been using it, it has worked just fine.

But I didn't know about the "bangs" and other syntax DDG uses... Reading the Syntax page, a phrase almost brought tears of joy to my eyes: "Every search term should be used by default. That is, we try hard not to autocorrect your query, or in other words, we treat your terms as if you typed AND in between them."

Here's to the Duck!

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Russians drill into buried 20 million-year-old Antarctic lake

A. Coatsworth
Linux

Giant, blind, albino penguins is the first thing to be found there...

<-- Well, I guess having new penguin overlords is better than the alternative

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Google shares tank after disappointing financial report

A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

@CheesyTheClown

>Who really gives a flying rat's ass less about what the Wall Street gamblers think... that is if >they're even capable of it.

The problem is, in that circle jerk called wall street everybody cares about what everybody thinks... So when those rats start running away from a company because their magic 8-ball tells them the sky is falling, the stock fall and the company is killed, just because.

It makes my liver puke with hate every time I hear in the news that a company's stock fell or the price of oil went up "amidst fears of... " X or Y stupid conjecture. Someone cries "Wolf!" and those bastards spring into action with no reason or reasoning at all.

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit... It's the only way to be sure.

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Iranian coder faces execution 'for building smut websites'

A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

@ Never, ever visit

Someone once said: "a nation has the government it deserves" or something along those lines

It's hard to prove it as either true or false, but the empirical experience, all over the world, seems to back it up...

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