* Posts by A. Coatsworth

267 posts • joined 29 May 2008

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US intercepts Bermuda Triangle bubble podule

A. Coatsworth
FAIL

Is suicide illegal?

Yeah, the stupid thing was inherently unsafe and, as some commentards mention, there was no sign of food or water in in the pod, but if the guy wanted to kill himself un the most protracted and absurd way imaginable -and bag a Darwin Award along the way-, why was he stopped?

It's not like the plastic bubble was a danger to anyone else, despite the Coast Guards' comments...

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The web is DOOM'd: Average page now as big as id's DOS classic

A. Coatsworth
Joke

So, video on pages is averaging 200KB per page on average?

The Ministry of Redundancy Ministry will be informed because I'll inform them

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1,000 cats await stadium-sized sandwich bag launch

A. Coatsworth
Joke

Sick and tired of your imperial measurements... cricket pitches? NONSENSE!

The SI lenght unit is the football (soccer) field

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Space archeologist discovers new evidence of Vikings invading America

A. Coatsworth
Meh

So these Vikings were the first Europeans to map the coasts of 'Newfoundland'

Any news of clashes with 'the complex and diverse societies of indigenous people/s' during their 'occupation'?

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Canadian rotter abducts giant Playmobil fireman

A. Coatsworth

The more el Reg denies any connections to these daring playmobil heists, the less I am inclined to believe it.

I don't know how these plastic figures play out in a nefarious global domination scheme, but rest assured, they do!

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Which keys should I press to enable the CockUp feature?

A. Coatsworth
Pint

I can't believe this worked!

This article is like that old joke of the lazy[1] virus, that was nothing more than an email asking you to delete all your system files and forward the message to your contacts.

So Dabbs politely asked his readers to bork their displays themselves, and people did it (me included!!). Awesome

[1] usually related to some nationality stereotypically portrayed as lazy or dumb.

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Google tried to be funny, cocked it up, everyone thought it was a bug

A. Coatsworth
Facepalm

Just tangentially related...

What's up with the Nutella jar images?

I saw one in an VMware article, now this one has one for Google... any idea of the meaning?

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Oz uni in right royal 'indigenous' lingo rumpus

A. Coatsworth
Facepalm

So, the word "aborigines" should not be used, and to make it clear they immediately use it in the description of Uluru's English name...

Nope, no problem there at all

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Mountains of madness found on Pluto's Cthulhu Regio

A. Coatsworth

Re: "there are some places that are even too depressing for Him"

Given that one of the leaders of the Cult in The Call of Cthulhu was a very old half-blood[1] called Castro, I think the Hispanics are also well covered in Lovecraft's rainbow of xenophobia.

[1] I haven't read The Call of Cthulhu in its original language, only a Spanish translation. I am not completely sure what was the original word that was translated as "mestizo".

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Helpdesk? I have a software problem. And a GRIZZLY BEAR problem

A. Coatsworth
Windows

The only beasts I've had to deal with are more akin to the Kwijibo than anything else.

Nothing as exciting as bears, nor as funny (if disgusting) as mice, but these Kwijibos have an astonishing ability to bork any system imaginable and act as if they had nothing to do with it...

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Oz town suffers hairy panic attack

A. Coatsworth
Facepalm

Re: IT

And yet Known Hero uses the "Where's the IT angle?" icon... An icon that has been available to us commentards for years. An icon that was created by the site administrator as a handy way to address the fact the people have been complaining about the lack of IT angle in bootnote articles for *ages*

You know, as if the lack if IT angle here was the whole idea of the Bootnotes section since the beginning...

Irony if I have ever seen it!

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El Reg nips down to the Hewlett You Inn?

A. Coatsworth
Thumb Up

Glad to see El Reg's new year resolutions didn't affect their capacity for tomfoolery!

And it makes me *very* happy that HP(E) knows how to take a joke with a good sense of humor! I was an HP-er for almost a decade, and left shortly before the split up... despite all the problems that company have had, it will always have a place in my heart of hearts.

What a nice way to start the week

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Four Boys' Own style World War Two heroes to fire your imagination

A. Coatsworth

The guys who took Heydrich down in Prague

By sheer chance I stumbled upon the Church of Saint Metodious and Cyril in Prague, the day after the anniversary of Operation Anthropoid. The whole street was littered with flowers and ribbons from military services from all over the world.

I have never felt so overwhelmed, as when I entered the crypt where the soldiers holed up after attacking Heydrich, and was face to face with their busts. I was moved to tears, I must say.

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Boeing just about gives up on the 747

A. Coatsworth
Happy

I've never traveled in one of them, but seeing them is awe inspiring! It makes one wonder if they work with Black Magic

The international airport where I live has to basically paralyze all operations when an A340 lands, so anything bigger than that is out of the question.

The first time I saw an A380 was when I visited London, last year. They fly ridiculously low over the City*! I think half the pictures I took there were of an A380 flying behind the Shard, or over the Tower Bridge, or seen from the Tower of London, or trying to get one in frame with the HMS Belfast...

Absolutely beautiful beast!

*Or are they so big they just *seem* to be flying low? I dunno

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LOHAN takes the stage at Oz Linux shindig

A. Coatsworth
Headmaster

Re: LOHAN

You know Atacama is *not* in Mexico, right?

I'm not sure about the legal status of rockets in Chile, but it is a peaceful enough country (barring the odd earthquake)... no army escort required

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El Reg mulls entering Robot Wars arena

A. Coatsworth
Thumb Up

Whatever the weapons installed, I'd love to see El Reg killer bot with a paint scheme based on this magnificent beast: http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/birds/king-vulture/

"Sarcoramphus Papa" is a cool sounding name too

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Russian Pastafarian wins right to bear colander

A. Coatsworth

Meaballs through the looking glass

Is the Pastafarian movement morphing into a "real" religion?

A few friends started the local "chapter" of the FSM church where I live. In the beginning it was great fun. Their main objective, as mockers of established religions and absurd laws was to challenge a local law that make the Government help funding the Catholic church. If successful their idea was to get part of the Church budget for themselves and use it to give free beer in the streets. Awesome stuff.

Weird thing, a couple of them withdrew from the movement because there was a faction that was taking thing way too seriously. Their gatherings morphed from informal parties with friends, beer and pasta to something more serious, with rites and activities that *had to* be followed.

The mockery of religion is all well and good, but... is it worth the effort some people seems to be putting into it? I don't think it is really necessary the FSM church can perform marriages.

I wonder if it is getting out of hand, maybe in a few decades will be a "real" FSM church with actual believers and dogmas... if enough delusional people gather together around what in principle was a neat idea, and form a critical mass of... self righteousness, so to speak. That would be a defeat for mankind as a whole.

Hey, don't look at me like that! it happened with a sub-par science fiction book, not 70 years ago! And only G-d knows what happened in the Middle East some 2000 years ago.

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Optimus Prime goes under the hammer

A. Coatsworth
Mushroom

Even my 8 year-old self knew Optimus is a stock RED Freightliner, not that "Pimp my Ride" monstrosity.

May this franchise die in a Michael Bay-grade explosion.

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A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Re: Off Topic.......Alan Rickman Dies!!!

In my local newspaper: "Alan Rickman, famous for his role of Severus Snape, dies..."

Fsck off!! He is and always will be Hans Gruber in my heart!

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Comcast repeatedly crams modem upgrade demands into browsers

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

"pop up if the ISP thinks you've been downloading copyrighted stuff without paying for it."

Is this... Is this a thing that happens?

I can't... I mean how is that even legal? I'm at a loss for words. Sometimes living in a backwater country has its upsides

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Smartphone hard, dudes, like it’s the end of the world!

A. Coatsworth
Happy

My burner phone -and until not so long my proud main phone- is the lovely Nokia 700. The last of the Symbians, it is (or rather, could have been) a great little piece of kit.

Last year, it wowed a long time Android user by having.. *grasp*.. offline maps and navigation!

It really annoys me how market droids, and by extension buyers, get head over heels with the newest smartphone model because it is 1 Angstrom slimmer than last year's model and then encase it in a huge, fugly plastic and plexiglass suit of armor that negates any size reduction and then some... My 700 showed it glorious nakedness for years without fear and once got to swim in an urinal (long story...) only to come out of it reeking but unscathed.

Why the fsck do one get sentimental over a goddammned phone?

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Cache-astrophic: Why Valve's Steam store spewed players' private profiles to strangers

A. Coatsworth

Re: It's a pain, but a one off pain

That's very, VERY far from the "user experience" I've got from Blizzard games.

StarCraft 2 needed a hefty 25gb "patch" download that rendered it unusable for the first weekend I got it, and since then have run several (I can't remember the number) ~5gb patches.

My favorite patch so far was one for Hearthstone, that ran at the beginning of December and ground it for over an hour. It installed Christmas themes and decorations, themes that weren't activated in-game until 2 weeks later and that I of course didn't wanted NOR needed...

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The Register's entirely serious New Year's resolutions for 2016

A. Coatsworth

I think the best way to deal with sexism (real or sarcastic) is tracking Sarah Bee back, and unleashing her on commentards and writers alike. Sheer fear will sort the problem.

Other than that, I don't really know what to make of this announcement. It is vaguely worrisome, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Hopefully El Reg won't lose the teeth needed to actually bite the hand that feeds IT.

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El Reg picked a pack of ace pic-titlers

A. Coatsworth
Gimp

I know El Reg is no prudish, so if a moderator removed a comment is for a good reason, but...

Am I the only sicko who wants to know what the hell happened up there?

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Have we lost Dabbsy this week

A. Coatsworth

I still remember the Dreadful Year With Only 5 (or so) BOfH... I hope Dabbsy is not going down the same road

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Revealed: Mystery 7-year cyberspy campaign in Latin America

A. Coatsworth
Black Helicopters

Re: Dick measuring contests in a sea and see of pussies

Wow, amanfromMars replied to one of my posts. I feel honored!*

Stuxnet was most definitely a government effort, and it ran rampant over the world doing its nasty deeds for years... we still don't really know who did it, do we? but it was the work of talented programmers.

They probably were mercenaries... when I said "right people" I didn't mean "good people", but the people who can make the things happen. There is a fortune to be made out of the pork barrel, if one has the correct skills and contacts, just not in the "visible" part of the government.

*And no, I'm not being sarcastic

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A. Coatsworth

When it's a matter of dick measuring contests... erm, I mean, of "National Security" governments can and often do put the right people in the right positions.

A National Healthcare database? pfffft! who cares, it's not like somebody will die.

Spying on foreign "threats"? Oh Em Gee! Man all stations, PRONTO!

... And it's the same all over the damned world...

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Microsoft pitches lobotomized Cortana for iOS, Android handsets

A. Coatsworth
Terminator

It kinda bothers me reading messages where people referrers to an application inside a phone as "she"

It's unsettling, somehow.

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If it still works six months from now, count yourself lucky

A. Coatsworth

The only Apple kit I've ever owned is a 30Gb iPod (the first with video playback). Bought back in 2007, it's still going strong, I use it on a regular basis . Battery life has degraded to around 6 hours but that's better than expected for a 8+ years device.

So from the negligible experience I have, yes Apple devices are bulletproof... what irks me, and is the reason I never bought any other fruity kit, is the amount of artificial limitations they put in the device, for their own sake and against what's better for the customer: no FM radio, has to be synchronized with the pc using the crime against humanity that is iTunes (I luckily can use Winamp instead, but why is it necessary to use *any* software to sync a damn usb disk?) laughably short list of supported audio formats, ONE single choice of supported video format, proprietary connector, the supplied earphones were garbage, it strips the audio files form its metadata on upload and did I mention iTunes? (I hate it with the burning passion of a thousand Suns)

Looking back I wonder if it has worth the while... it's impressive that a device that uses spinning rust has survived so long the hostile environment that is my front pocket (narf narf!) but the amount of time I lost fighting iTunes, converting files back and forth, reloading the whole library because the table used to match audio files with metadata got corrupted, getting patches for Winamp... I wonder if I had been better with a Zen Vision, which was my other option back then...

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German ex-pat jailed for smearing own pat all over Cork apartment

A. Coatsworth
Happy

I came directly to the comments to complain about the shameless clickbait in the byline."What the fsck does it matter if he was an Apple employee?" I thought, incensed. "Damn you Reg" -I ranted on- "we all hate Apple, but that doesn't mean you have to smear it (tehe!) in this business"

And then I got to the last line, and was hit in the head by that demolishing joke.

Well played, mr. Fay, well played.

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Love your IoT gadget but could you keep the noise down?

A. Coatsworth

Re: That Friday feeling!

yeah, "being paid for"... I'm not clever enough to make a economic joke, much less one so subtle.

To be frank, I don't know why I chose such PC way to say that he doesn't work for el Reg anymore

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A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

Re: That Friday feeling!

I do miss Worstall's articles but never liked the decision of publishing them (and Dabbsy's) on Saturdays, given that most readers access the site Mon - Fri during working hours... *ahem*

And it's true: Worstall's services are no longer needed by El Reg. The man himself confirmed that on a forum post a while ago.

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A. Coatsworth
Pint

Re: That Friday feeling!

Given that the "weekend" section disappeared mysteriously and quietly a couple of week ago (a passing away that *nobody* seems to mourn), I have high hopes that Dabbs and the BOfH will finally be back to their rightful place: Friday Morning* where they can help us jumpstart the dreadful day.

*Morning in the left-hand side of the Pond, at least.

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French Playmobil heist: El Reg denies involvement

A. Coatsworth
Black Helicopters

So, the delays with LOHAN, the problems with the Spanish bureaucracy, the issues in SpacePort... it all was an alibi for this formidable heist, and now we commentards are all accomplices of it...

... It makes perfect sense: the original Playmonaut is the mastermind behind it all, its supposed disappearing over the English Channel was coldly calculated so he can continue pulling the strings from the shadows!!

How can we even be sure that this "Lester Heines" is a real person and not an avatar of the evil Playmonaut??

What medication? I don't need no stinkin' medication!

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By 2019, vendors will have sucked out your ID along with your cash 5 billion times

A. Coatsworth
Coat

Thanks Odin!

I was envisioning a surge in attacks with handheld eye-blenders like the ones in that scene from The Avengers...

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Post-pub schnellnosh neckfiller: Currywurst

A. Coatsworth
Happy

Mayonnaise with Currywurst works great, although in my (rather limited) experience, "some mayonnaise" translates to "semi lethal dose of mayonnaise" for most Currywurst street vendors in Dresden

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Connected kettles boil over, spill Wi-Fi passwords over London

A. Coatsworth

Re: IoT - Cheap; Secure; Connected

IoT is, by definition, Connected.

News such as this show us that it's never Secure.

Is it Cheap? I doubt it...

So, it's more like "choose Connected and let us shaft you in every other front"

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Who gets Teslas made and throws Apple shade? It's… MUSK!

A. Coatsworth
Thumb Up

My compliments to the Title Writer

Get that man (or woman) a beer! Now I'll have that song stuck in my head all day.

... Daaaamn right!

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Hats off to Nintendo’s platform supremo Super Mario Bros at 30

A. Coatsworth
Headmaster

What's "infamous" about the Super Mario tune? I'm sure it's one of the most *famous* pieces of gaming music, but it's reputation is spotless...

Also, if my memory serves well, Luigi was actually clad in white, not green, in Super Mario Bros for NES.

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US to stage F-35-versus-Warthog bake-off in 2018

A. Coatsworth
Joke

Re: Why Warthog, sir?

Didn't I just tell you to stop makin' up animals?!

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PALE BACKSIDE of lovely Luna flits past in imagery from 1 MILLION miles out

A. Coatsworth
Happy

King of backcronyms

This animation is goddamned EPIC! hope the person who concocted that backcronym for the camera array got at least a pat in the back.

Of all the amazing space photos, from the pale blue dot to the Earth rise to Pluto's heart, this gif is got to be my new favorite.

I have to concur with an Anonymous Coward up there: it looks fake. I know it is not fake, but it is surreal seeing something as common as the Moon over the Earth, from "behind". It makes me think of that Victorian engraving of an alchemist sticking his head outside of the Fixed Stars Dome, and looking for the first time at the "hidden machinery" that makes the Universe work (Wikipedia tells me it's the Flammarion Engraving)... Breathtaking stuff

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Petrol cars are dead in the water, says Tesla CTO waving numbers on the back of an envelope

A. Coatsworth
Alert

Re: Still a bit confused

I had the same question, The only sensible explanation I've found is economies of scale: it is (or should be) more efficient to have a single main power station somewhere out of town than thousands of little internal combustion engines going around, even if they burn the same fuel. That takes into account the losses due to energy transmission over the lines.

N.B: that's not my opinion and I don't endorse nor refute it in any way. It's just a plausible explanation I read.

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The Breakfast (Table) of Champions: Micro Machines

A. Coatsworth
Happy

Re: "I would like to see it with updated graphics though"

Logged to comment that it reminded me of Re-Volt. Great little game, sadly I never managed to make it run in post-Win XP machines.

The tracks were really funny and inventive, they not only raced around the store but in a suburban neighborhood, inside a supermarket, in the science museum... and on the decks of luxury cruiser Toy-tanic. Sod that damn track! I never managed to beat it.

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Google bows to inevitable, stops forcing Google+ logins on YouTubers

A. Coatsworth
Happy

I wonder what does "Schadenfreude" mean..

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Crazy Chrysler security hole: USB stick fix incoming for 1.4 million cars

A. Coatsworth
Coat

"unfortunately, the update has to be manually installed via a USB stick plugged into the car"

Why is this unfortunate? that's the way updates to a car SW should be done! Only by physical access, that keeps things safer.

I guess you could give the car some kind of wireless communication, so it can download the update automatically from the internet, but that connection might become a source for malicious attacks...

wait, WHAT?

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Galactic BIRTH: ALMA peers THIRTEEN BEELLLION years into Dawn of Time Itself

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

This is maddening

Before I faint for thinking too much about it, one question: is there a limit on how far can we see?

Newer and newer equipment allow us to see farther in space, and by extension, in time.

ALMA is now peering at things that occurred a "mere" billion years after the Big Bang. Is it theoretically possible, with more sensitive equipment, to actually perceive the Big Bang somehow? if not, why not?

And if it's possible (at least theoretically), would that mean that we could point out this equipment to any point in the sky and see it? is the "Big Bang" out there, all around us? or is it in a single direction?

The mind boggles... I'm definitely not suited for astrophysics, simply thinking about these things make me feel insignificant and sick...

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Apple Watch is such a flop it's the world's top-selling wearable

A. Coatsworth

@Dana W

CTRL + F "windows"... no results on page.

Nope, you're the first person to drag Microsoft to a discussion where it simply doesn't have a part. Is there a MS equivalent of Goldwin's Law?

I'm quite sure that MS, Dell and Linux "fanboys" can rationalize their preferences exactly in the same way as you did.

These people are living proof that insecurities can't be cured with iShinies.

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Reg top tip: Don't have the same name as someone else if you use Facebook's Instagram

A. Coatsworth

Re: Simple Test

No sir, the famous Iniesta has the number 8 in his username because that's the number on his jersey. Footballers tend to get attached to their numbers...

I doubt there are andresiniesta1 thru 7 in instagram.

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Nintendo boss Satoru Iwata was MORE than a suit – he was a CODER

A. Coatsworth
Unhappy

"Please understand"

Given how horrible can be the people on internet some times, it's very nice to see that the life of Iwata-san is being universally celebrated and his untimely departure greatly mourned.

Not all of his decisions were good, of course. But it was very interesting to see how a coder, a techie risen from the ranks could steer such a big company with a lot more hits than misses.

He will be missed. and I, as dyed-in-the-wool Nintendo fan, I am really worried about the company's future after him.

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