* Posts by Sarah Balfour

279 posts • joined 14 Apr 2007

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Milking cow shot dead by police 'while trying to escape'

Sarah Balfour
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Re: More senseless police violence

Oh burger off!

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Welsh police force fined £160,000 after losing sensitive video interview

Sarah Balfour
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Re: 2 copies

If they're identical, by definition you can only have a single original, anything after that's a copy!

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Reach for the popcorn: Obama opens personal presidential Twitter account

Sarah Balfour
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Re: POTUS

Actually, he's only the 43rd - Grover Cleveland server two unique terms.

Reg, I'm still waiting on that 'irritating pedant' icon.

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Time to get your babble on: Microsoft opens Skype Translator Preview to all comers

Sarah Balfour
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German is probably the worst…

As I MAY have mentioned before, I'm trying - and failing - to improve my German. The problem with Germans is that they tend to make things up as the go along, and it's basically the linguistic version of Lego (or perhaps Sticklebricks would be more accurate). Don't have a word for summat, just stick a couple together.

This means that many compound words, whilst being perfectly meaningful to a German are completely nonsensical to an English speaker, as the can only be translated as their constituent parts which, often, bear no relation to the meaning of the whole.

But, ironically, German can also be beautifully succinct; I love the word 'übermorgen' - literally, as you can probably guess 'over morning', which is German for 'the day after tomorrow' (for those not too au fait (oops! Gone French now!) there's no specific word in German for 'tomorrow'; guess they decided, with typical German efficiency that, as tomorrow never comes, they may as well just reuse 'morgen').

I'm not interested in SPEAKING German - fuck, I'm not particularly interested in speaking ENGLISH - but I'd love to improve my comprehension (66% of the bands I listen to write partly - or wholly - in German (even many of the ones who aren't from a German-speaking country)) and writing.

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GCHQ puts out open recruitment call for 'white hat' hackers

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Wages

You REALLY think the Tories are gonna pay a decent wage…?! What planet have you just beamed down from…?!

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: Wanted

"Morally flexible"…?! I'd have thought "those with morals/a conscience need not apply" was more accurate…

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Spotify springs bloody leak as losses grow to $197m – report

Sarah Balfour
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There's a reason I let my Spotify sub lapse…

…but, when I endeavour to explain it, no fucker understands, so I don't.

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SOD TABLETS, if you want to get anything done travelling get a ... yes, a LAPTOP

Sarah Balfour
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Unhappy

Re: Apple Crap again....

I tried Android, I really did, but I found it very frustrating. Don't ask me why, I just did. Guess it's what you're used to; I'd had iPods for years (I'm autistic, music is honestly the single most important thing in my life - how fucking pathetic is THAT…?!) and, as there's never been a 'Droid-based 'iPod', I'm a tad stuck.

I don't WANT a phone. Hate the fucking things. Fucking TERRIFIED of 'em.

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: The last thing I want to see

I, too, must profess to being double-top+ and with full literary faculties.

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Theresa May: Right, THIS time we're getting the Snoopers' Charter in

Sarah Balfour
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Re: now they have a "mandate to govern".

It wasn't PR up for debate, dumdumhead, it was AV, a system just as undemocratic as FPTP in my book. That's why I voted 'No'.

Anyway, it's a moot point, there are two issues that we'll NEVER be offered referenda on whilst we've a Tory government, one is PR, the other is the abolition of the monarchy.

Until this country becomes a republic, true democracy simply isn't possible, call me a 'tinfoil-hatted nutter', a 'swivel-eyed loon', whatever you like (I've had all that - and worse - on Twitter all day) but I can't understand WHY folk simply don't get that democracies DON'T have unelected heads of state and, if they manage to grasp THAT concept, I get "well it's only symbolic" - is it…? I mean is it, really…? If people REALLY believe that Betty and her tribe of inbreds have absolutely no influence on government WHATSOEVER, they need to stop/start taking the pills. Why was Chaz so chummy with Jimmy…? There've been paedophile allegations hanging over Bucky Pally almost as long as Savile was kiddie-fiddling, plus the allegations levelled at senior Tories. I know Chaz isn't exactly the full sovereign (in any sense, and something I HOPE he'll never get to be in the £1m hat sense), but I can't believe that he didn't know what Savile was up to - you can't be bezzie mates with someone and not know - is that why JS was gonged…? Or was that Maggie's decision alone…? They weren't exactly enemies, either.

If that makes me a fully-paid-up member of the David Icke fan club, then so be it - these days, I'm honestly past caring…

No party - nor indie - wants to address the issues I care about anyway (although there was that 'Cannabis Is Safer Than Alcohol' dude in Thurrock).

Rant over.

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: It's almost like...

Iceland or Finland. The Pirate Party now the majority party in the former, and the latter is regularly touted as the happiest country on Earth, and Helsinki the city with the happiest population. In fact, the more I read about Finland, the more I warm to it.

Too parky…? The criterion was no WARMER than Britain, you didn't say owt about COLDER.

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Crowdfunded ZX Spectrum revival just days from shipment

Sarah Balfour
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The Hobbit…?!

I NEVER finished that! Probably just extremely thick, but I NEVER fathomed what "A window is no obstacle to a thief with friends" meant (and why the fuck, over 30 years later, can I STILL recall that verbatim (at least I think it's verbatim…)…?!). Even reread the book, didn't help dumdum here…

I must have tried every verb-noun combo I could think of. Still couldn't escape.

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Shields up! Shields up! ASTRONAUTS flying to MARS will arrive BRAIN DAMAGED, boffins claim

Sarah Balfour
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Re: How to fix your Mars mission in 2 easy steps

As would I - but then I'm not a woman (nor a man). Please ignore the obvious gender of my name, it's meaningless. It's only there because I can't think of anything better.

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: Not really equivalent

The logical conclusion, therefore, being that the first colonists on Mars would have to be Clangers - right…?

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Apple in rinky-dink ink stink wristjob admission: Watch IS affected by TATTOOS

Sarah Balfour
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Correction

Dorset Knob, if you please.

SJ's filthy mind strikes again (from Wikipedia)

A Dorset knob throwing competition is held in the Dorset village of Cattistock every year on the first Sunday in May. The festival also includes such events as a knob and spoon race, knob darts, knob painting and guess the weight of the knob. The record throw of 29.4 metres (96 ft) was set in 2012.*

Wikipedia articles aren't supposed to make you PMSL - that's what Uncyclopedia's for.

*yes I know it's Wikipedia, but it's 100% true.

From the Beeb, on this year's festivities:.http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-dorset-32549090 - it's an innuendo writer's wet dream.

Evidently, the reporter isn't from - and has probably never been to - Dorset.

Happy Knob Day.

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What is Apple's idiot tax on Watch these days? 'About $265 or 80%'

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Oh God, more oxygen for IHS

Idiot. Seriously, though, I always thought it stood for 'innovative' or 'innovation', neither of which are even remotely applicable now.

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The Apple Watch: THROBBING STRAP-ON with a knurled knob

Sarah Balfour
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I notice

that the wrist wearing the job also has the adornments that no sane person over the age of about 25 would wear, so I'm assuming Adam is a greenhorn. He'll learn. What am I saying…?! I never have.

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: I don't get it

RELAXING…?! Not the way my dad and his mates play it ain't! Eventually someone's gonna get clobbered to death with a four wood and buried in a bunker - they're all 70+ now, so it's the usual arguments.

People have been shot for slow play in the States, y'know* - you don't fuck with golfers.

*my mum has a pen-friend in AZ, and an argument over slow play at her hubby's club turned nasty when a one of the agitators pulled out a pistol and shot the other in both legs.

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Sarah Balfour
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FAIL

Re: "objectively gorgeous"

Down-voted, as evidently you've as much knowledge of the meaning of 'tautology' as the person to whom you're responding does of 'oxymoron'.

Tautology = denoting the same - "beautifully gorgeous" would be tautology. Other examples would be 'Gorilla gorilla' the Western Gorilla, and 'Gorilla gorilla gorilla', the Western Lowland Gorilla, although these are more accurately, and correctly, called 'tautonyms'.

Oxymoron = juxtaposition of contradictory words, for example 'creation science'. Oxymoron itself, Late Latin via Ancient Greek, means 'keen-dull' or 'sharp-stupid', making it an oxymoron.

I've responded to 4 threads this morning - and all I've done is be pedantic. Maybe that's all I'm good for…

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: Health is touted as the Watch’s killer app

What's that about never a truer word than is spoken in jest…? It isn't, seriously. The Second Law of Thermodynamics doesn't apply to Homo sapiens, and overdoing things - cardio I'm referring to here - will cause the catabolism of lean muscle, rather than flab, because muscle is more readily turned into an energy source, a process known as 'gluconeogenesis', this happens with all forms of protein, not just your own muscle (which is technically meat, after all…).

However, if you restrict the carbs you eat, and switch your diet from high-carb to high-fat, you can 'reset' your body to burning fat as fuel, rather than glucose, thus forcing it to burn your own fuel reserves.

Doing it the NHS way, eating a LFHC diet and slogging it out at the gym, or on the street, all you're doing is 'burning' off what you've eaten, thus causing a massive drop in blood-sugar, which causes the release of both grehlin (the 'hunger hormone') and insulin (the 'body-fat creation' hormone as it should more accurately be termed). Chronic cardio also causes the release of cortisol (which I'm sure most know as 'the stress hormone') and, because cortisol has no way of knowing what the stressor is, it covers all eventualities - one of those being famine, and so eating after you've been to the gym will cause most of the carbs you've eaten to be converted to body fat. This is the reason why LFHC diets fail 100% of the time (it's IMPOSSIBLE to drop body fat eating LFHC because you're replenishing it the whole time; you may lose WEIGHT, but most of that will be catabolised muscle).

Eating LCHF breaks the chain as fat doesn't cause insulin release. No insulin release = no storage.

Over 24 stone says I'm not talking out my arse. Did it the NHS way, shot from 24 stone to 32. Did it the right way, dropped from 32 to 7.5. Like I've said before, obesity is a food intolerance. Thing is, nobody believes me because the notion of a high-fat diet being even remotely healthy is lunacy.

Sadly, the flab-bags I REALLY wanted to lose are still there, stubbornly attached to my chest. Losing weight unfortunately DOES NOT cause boob-loss. Moob loss is a different matter.

As I can't afford surgery, guess I'm stuck with the useless sacks of shit. Perhaps I could offer them to Katie Price as 'natural silicone'.

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Eco-loons hack Thirty Meter Telescope website to help the 'natives'

Sarah Balfour
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Re: What do ecoloons and ISIS have in common?

Drop dead, you ignorant fucktard! What about the rights of First Nations…?

Evidently, the bitter irony of the fact that, in order to search for life on other planets, we feel the need to destroy much of what remains on this, is lost on everyone but myself and the Spaniel.

If a telescope the size of 4.5 footie pitches is REALLY necessary, go build it in the desert, surely with the advancements in tech we've got now, keeping sand out the workings should be trivial.

If it's 'hippy' to want to protect what unspoilt ecosystems remain for future generations, and to treat indigenous and First Nations' people with respect, dignity and equality, then I'm guilty as charged - and fucking proud of it!

Pave paradise and put up a 100ft telescope…?! Fuck off!

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Surgery-bot can be hacked to HACK YOU TO PIECES

Sarah Balfour
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Re: a doctor writes

Downvoted for incorrect use of 'acronym' - that's an initialism.

Acronym: derived from the Greek 'Akron' - tip, summit, peak and 'nym'.

Fuck not given if this gets a down-vote.

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Acer: 'We will be the last man standing in the PC industry'

Sarah Balfour
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Pirate

Re: Free upgrade

Acer'll upgrade me…?! Could use an update, definitely need more RAM, and a new CPU wouldn't go amiss, either.

I'm old. In less than 3 weeks' time, I'll be another year closer to ancient.

The only living being that gives a shit is the cat from number 40 - and that's only coz I made the fatal mistake of giving him some chicken once.

Cats. They're mercenary little shits, but… actually, but nothing, they're just mercenary little shits.

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Apple Watch RIPPED APART, its GUTS EXPOSED to hungry Vultures

Sarah Balfour
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there needs to be a 'filthy mind' icon (although I expect I'd be the only one using it)

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Apple Watch shipments: Pick a number, double it. Hey, it worked for them

Sarah Balfour
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Re: What is the Nerdyist watch, ever?

We weren't allowed watches at school, because jewellery of any type was banned (unless it was a crucifix).

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Digital killed the radio star: Norway names FM switchoff date

Sarah Balfour
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Feck!

An article about Norway, and things which are easing to be and I can't fathom out how to bring parrots into the conversation.

I'm slacking.

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Post Office denies IT blunders led to criminal charges against posties

Sarah Balfour
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There's a joke in there somewhere

about post post offices, but I'm fecked if I can fathom it out (and nobody thinks my jokes are funny anyway).

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BuzzFeed: We don't pull 'articles' due to advertiser pressure VERY OFTEN

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Took a peek

It's blogging for morons, by morons - morons who don't much care for being corrected either. There was one particularly insidious article, the exact subject matter of which I cannot recall, but the crux of it was that the twat writing it was too thick to think that 'cum' could be anything other than a euphemism for 'semen', and how rude the UK was because there were "so many" towns/villages with 'cum' in them, which the brainiac deduced MUST be a misspelling of 'come', not a Latin word meaning 'with' (coz they don't teach classics anymore, and here's a prime example of why it needs to be reinstated to the curriculum forthwith).

I got banned from commenting because I pointed out what it ACTUALLY meant.

And now I've admitted to reading BF. Don't worry, I'm long cured.

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NatWest and RBS' mobile banking apps go TITSUP

Sarah Balfour
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I'm with NW…

…and all I can say is "Helpful bonking, my fucking arse!"

I have been locked out of my online account for over a year, probably nearer two. I'm fucking useless at, well, anything. I've forgotten my access code, NW webchat tells me I have to call their online bonking bods. I tell them I can't do that because, well, no phone. So I'm told I've to go to the local branch - can't do that either; for reasons I don't wish to elaborate upon, I'm unable to leave the house.

NW's response…? Equated to "Well you're fucked then, ain't ya…?!"

Even if there WAS someone who could help me (there isn't), they couldn't, because that's against NW's security policy; I've been told time and again that "all business must be conducted by the registered account holder only", which has made me think - what if the account holder was unable to deal with their own affairs due to dementia…? What if some jobsworth was to say to someone's son/daughter "We'd need your mum/dad's consent to authorise that…", but the parent wasn't able to consent…? I remember my uncle ending up on the verge of a nervous breakdown dealing with my nan's bonk, couldn't get them to understand the simple phrase "I'm sorry, my mother is unable to do that because she has dementia". Even a fucking quack's letter didn't get him anywhere! Even emailed photos (any idiot could tell they were mother and son - except if that idiot is in bonking. My uncle looks EXACTLY like my nan). Think he forced the manager to visit my nan in the end.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for security, but there's security and then there's absolute arsery!

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So why exactly does almost ALL tech live in Silicon Valley?

Sarah Balfour
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There's a joke in there somewhere about one man and his pig (iron), but I'm fecked if I can fathom it.

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BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Allocation mismatch.

Should HAVE been…

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Go for a spin on Record Store Day: Lifting the lid on vinyl, CD and tape

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Lust.....

My very first 'table was a Technics, still got it in the loft somewhere I think; forget the model number, but I do recall it being one of the first with a double cassette deck attached, and I do believe you could record from vinyl onto tape. Not got much of a vinyl,collection to speak of these days, though, feck knows where that's all gone, last time I was up there all I could find was my sister's Kylie & Jason shite.

Bit miffed, coz I had some decent stuff: Killing Joke, Bauhaus, The Damned, Sex Pistols, B.A.D., The Cure, Depeche Mode, Nitzer Ebb, Soft Cell, Pet Shop Boys, The Specials, The Beat, Poppies, Jesus Jones, Ned's Atomic Dustbin, The Wonder Stuff, The Shamen, Love & Rockets, Shriekback, XTC, Legendary Pink Dots, JAMC, The Beloved, The Church, Modern English, Psychedelic Furs, The Chameleons, The Farm, Alien Sex Fiend, PiL, Throbbing Gristle, Coil, Psychic TV, Sheep on Drugs, Dreadzone, KMFDM, Ministry, Skinny Puppy (didn't discover them until much later, though, ditto FLA), I MAY even have had some Portion Control, Test Dept, and Clock DVA.

Probably a fair bit I've forgotten about, I've never really done mainstream, and my tastes have become even more left-field (forgot about them, but they were a lot later, obviously), the older I've got, and bands such as TG and Psychic TV were later acquisitions as I'm not QUITE old enough to have appreciated 'em first time round as it were.

Started listening to The Sisters of Mercy and The Mission to get round the music ban at school. Nuns are VERY easily duped. Bizarrely we were able to get away with watching TOTP, until Sister Mags learnt the truth about Boy George (we'd played along with her naïveté and told her that George was short for Georgina. She never questioned the 'Boy' bit, weirdly). We never found out how she found out. Thank fuck she never knew of the existence of FYC, she'd probably have thought they were, well cannibals. She was a few wafers short of the full host, let's put it that way… but she WAS my dorm mistress, hence being able to get away with the SoM.

Spend much of my time listening to underground stations on TuneIn and Live365 these days, sadly nothing in Blighty: Technical Difficulties is run by a guy in Baltimore, and he plays, well he refers to it as "the mixtape from the monster under your bed" - it's VERY weird. Rant plays out of Delta, BC, and is primarily industrial, aggrotech, darkwave, coldwave and EBM, Dark Bites is German (and has the cutest logo of any radio station, ever) and is primarily dark synth-pop, future-pop, goth and EBM.

G'night fellow humanoids. I'm just about asleep.

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US Navy's LOCUST DRONE CANNON is like death SWARMED up

Sarah Balfour
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Pirate

Reading this has chilled me to the core…

…not to mention given me an intensely sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. The civilian casualties this has the potential to cause… well, it doesn't even bear thinking about (but that's why the US pioneered drone warfare - if a couple of dozen happen to wipe out a small village, or a couple drop on a primary school - well, they're not human beings, are they…? They're 'collateral damage'! And as the bombs which murdered them were remotely operated - well there's no blame, is there…? Who are the gonna point the finger at…? Cross the US and your country' will probably be next. Nobody will DARE seek help from the UN - they'll be too fucking terrified!)

The U.S. is rapidly turning into North Korea - except the U.S. WILL bomb you if it decides it doesn't like you.

Pity none of my fellow commentards seem to have even a shred of conscience.

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Kia Soul EV: Nifty Korean 'leccy hatchback has heart and Seoul

Sarah Balfour
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Trollface

Re: purely on looks

It is indeed the Ann Widdecombe of motor vehicles…

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: As an aside

I don't think it's SEEING, so much as HEARING; I'm a non-driver but, even as a pedestrian or a cyclist, it's not always easy to judge from which direction the emergency vehicle is approaching, and you're more likely to hear it before you see it. There needs to be some method by which the direction of the siren could be more precisely located. I know from being a passenger (usually with my father driving and, as I may have mentioned before, he's not the most patient of drivers) the sound seems to round the vehicle and you hear it equally both sides. This isn't, of course, an issue on single carriageways but, if you're in the centre lane on the motorway… it doesn't help that Daddy Dearest is becoming increasingly mutton (not that the stubborn old bugger would ever admit it).

If the siren could be concentrated so that the driver only hears it from the direction in which the vehicle is approaching that could, potentially, eliminate the issue - or at least greatly reduce it.

Does any of that make sense…? Today's not been a good'un, so I've been fundie-baiting on Twitter (a sport which is becoming increasingly unsatisfying) and, when you're dealing with that level of fuckwittery and fucktardery, it tends to rapidly destroy the braincells, and the imp that runs my cranial CPU has now taken strike action. I most DEFINITELY haz a stupid.

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SPB brews up fetching beer + bacon t-shirt design

Sarah Balfour
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Re: And people wonder why males drop dead before their females

That's total BS*! Decent bacon is a health food, along with red meat, lard, butter, cream, eggs, and just about anything and everything else the NHS says will kill ya.

If folk actually THOUGHT for a nanosecond, they'd realise what bollocks the NHS/USDA feeds them. Cholesterol (to which I assume you're referring) is absolutely ESSENTIAL for life - without it, you'd die in pretty short order - and men require more than women. Sperm is almost entirely cholesterol, every cell in your body requires it to produce cell walls, your brain needs it to produce healthy neurones (ever wonder why dementia and Alzheimer's are so prevalent these days…? Simple. The demonisation of cholesterol, and saturated fat, and the prescription of statins). Your liver produces up to 1.5g of cholesterol in 24hrs - if it was so deadly, why would it do so…?

The 'diet-heart hypothesis' is built on VERY bad science. When the cause of CHD was being researched, 'scientists' fed saturated fat and cholesterol to standard lab mammals - and what do SLMs have in common…? They're herbivorous (rats aside). Now, herbivores don't require cholesterol, so their bodies don't produce it, and they've no mechanisms for dealing with it so, basically, their arteries clog up, and they snuff it.

They also fed saturated fat and cholesterol to,the lead 'scientist's' two mutts. Mutts didn't die, they seemed to become healthier but, coz it was 2 canines vs around 2,000 rodents and lagomorphs, the former results were dismissed as anomalous.

So, that's why saturated fat and cholesterol are bad for us - coz we're bunnies, obviously.

For more info I, once again, list the following references:

Http://www.drmalcolmkendrick.org - please read his book 'The Great Cholesterol Con'

Http://www.dietdoctor.com

Http://www.29billion.com

Http://www.cerealkillersmovie.com

Http://www.chriskresser.com

http://blog.cholesterol-and-health.com/ - the blog of Professor Dr. Chris Masterjohn

http://www.cholesterol-and-health.com/

I would call your comment asinine, but that'd be an insult to those lovely donkeys.

*As this article references donkeys, I was tempted to say 'jack shit', but that's got other connotations - but, I can safely say this AC knows jack shit about health and human physiology.

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Dwarf planet Ceres has TEN bright spots, astroboffins say

Sarah Balfour
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Unhappy

Re: Clangers

New Clangers - how very fucking DARE they…?! It's rumoured they SPEAK now, too because, obviously, today's kids have zero imagination and can't put their own words to whistles. I'm DREADING what they've done to poor Bagpuss, too!

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Sarah Balfour
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ODWR

…and million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.

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Chelsea Manning sets up low-tech Twitter account from prison

Sarah Balfour
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This will probably be my last post here for a good while…

…the level of bigotry on display here is sickening. This is NOT the El Reg I joined. In any other forum, these people would have had their posts removed and been banned - evidently, El Reg is quite content to allow such pestilence.

What I've read here is bordering on hate speech which, last I checked, was a crime.

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Sarah Balfour
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Unhappy

Re: Dear sir or madam

Fuck off, you transphobic cunt!

It's not that someone IDENTIFIES as being the opposite sex, they ARE the opposite sex, every bit of the bits that define your gender are, in Manning's case, female. I apologise that my English isn't sufficiently proficient to,describe what I mean, but I hope you get the point.

Suggest all you fucktards go look up Laura-Jane Grace, vocalist/songwriter of punk,outfit Against Me! She didn't name her band that for no reason (when she started out, her name was Thomas).

When I joined, way back in whenever-the-fuck-it-was, I don't recall anywhere NEAR the level of bigotry and hatred there's been of late. Don't think I like what it's becoming here…

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: health care costs

Up-voted, even though I'm vehemently anti the NHS. The NHS as-is, that is, if we could have a nationalised healthcare service that actually gave a flying fuck about the nation's health, rather than creaming it off Big Pharma, I'd be all for it.

Don't believe me…?! How many of you are on statins…? Statins are as good at preventing CHD as a meat wetsuit is from protecting you from being attacked by ravenous sharks. Statins are the primary cause of heart disease.

Http://www.drmalcolmkendrick.org. I get down-voted every time I post this, but that ain't gonna stop me.

I DO class gender reassignment as "life-saving"; I always get the impression (perhaps because I've read/heard FAR more Christian Right bullshit than is probably healthy) that transphobics view GRS as many would view cosmetic/plastic surgery, as a choice in that it's purely a lifestyle thing because they're bored of whichever sex they were born as. I can't imagine it; how can you have a relationship…? If you're a dude, but you know you're a girl - and that you're straight - what do you do…? Pretend to be gay?

I'm also no fan of the term 'gender dysphoria', as these people aren't mentally ill , you can't 'cure' these people, except with surgery and HRT.

Least these people have some hope - what of me…? I'm a non-gendered being stuck in a female body - no fucking hope for me, is there…?!

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Streaming tears of laughter as Jay-Z (Tidal) waves goodbye to $56m

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Top Marks

@JC I can't fucking stand it - Daft Punk est très merde!

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Got an Android mobe with a virus? Congrats, you're The One Per Cent

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Google can rest easy then

Assuming you mean 1,000,000 x 1,000, yes…? That's universal standard these days. The old UK billion (i.e. a million squared) is known as a 'billiard'.

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Met Police in egg/face blunder as shop-a-crim site's SSL cert expires

Sarah Balfour
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I don't know whether this'll post, but…

I use an app called News360 for reading El Reg (and a few other blogs) and, when I attempted to post a comment on an article this morning, instead of the usual "your comment will be updated shortly…" banner, I was taken to a page with "Sorry, you're blocked!", in big, bold type, followed by some blurb about something called CloudFlare, a code, and my IP. Being autistic, and not understanding what the feck any of this meant, I began to rack my brain (or whatever passes for it these days) trying to figure out what on Earth I could POSSIBLY have said to get myself banned (this is literally the only forum, of those to which I've posted, from which I've yet to be excluded).

I then accessed the site via Safari, and did a test post (think it was on the Barry Obama article if memory serves, remove it) and that posted fine. I'm back reading via News360 again (hence the header). I've a screenshot of the offending page, if it'd be useful to anyone.

If I am barred from posting, it'd be good to know why, and why I've never received any communication from The Vultures' Nest (do vultures build nests…? I assume they do) as to why and, besides, you're usually allowed a couple of transgressions before the door's slammed on yer arse! Have I REALLY upset folk round here that much that I don't even merit a single warning…?! If I have, well I have, I can't help being how I am, I'd explain why, but it's too fantastic to be believable.

I'm feeling extremely low at the minute and, when I get like this, what little understanding I have of the world deserts me and, frankly, it's fucking terrifying; my grip on reality is tenuous enough when my head's functioning (well for any value of functioning, any road) but, right now…? Right now, I'm shit fucking scared of my own shadow.

If I've upset anyone, I'm GENUINELY SORRY, I won't have meant to, I NEVER mean to (unless you're a homophobic EDL-type then, yes, I most certainly DO, but I've yet to come across anyone matching that description here).

Guess, if I HAVE been banned, this won't post…

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Barry Obama declares national emergency over foreign hackers

Sarah Balfour
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Test post

Testing. Testing.

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Belgium to the rescue as UK consumers freeze after BST blunder

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Do away with BST, don't blame farmers

Or goats…or sheep…or, as I prefer, buffalo. I'd REALLY prefer reindeer - highe saturated fat content than single cream, most wonderful milk I've ever tasted. Never catch on, though, what with the NHS scaring everyone stiff with their BS about saturated fat and cholesterol… pity, because it's far healthier than any other milk due to the high fat content.

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Europe could be drowned in 'worthless pop culture' thanks to EU copyright plans

Sarah Balfour
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Re: "People speak different languages, the group reminded Kommissar Ansip"

Desperanto - the universal language of the EU Commission

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Building a better society from the Czechs' version of Meccano

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Thanks

Izal - or Jeyes - was the only bog roll my great-grandad - my dad's maternal grandad - would use and, when he went to live with my grandparents, my granny would buy nowt else, which necessitated us having a box of tissues handy at all times when we visited.

It's a horrible thing to say - and I'm ashamed of myself for even thinking it - but I was almost glad when he went!

I also recall having Izal at school - the nuns obviously wanted us to be eternally thankful that we'd been permitted bog roll at all. Cheers, Tim, for bringing back long-buried painful memories. Building's still there, but the school itself closed about 15 years ago.

Well, /most/ of it…

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Coral Reefs: Secret Cities of the Sea exhibition – life beneath the waves

Sarah Balfour
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Devil

Hate to be a pedant, but…

…the plural of 'octopus' is either 'octopuses', or 'octopodes', NEVER 'octopi', it's Greek, not Latin.

I KNOW I'm fighting a war I'll NEVER win, schools don't teach classics these days. Now the vernacular has been unleashed on the Web, proper Latin and Greek pluralisation is doomed - DOOMED I tells ya!

Even iOS autocorrect accepts 'octopi' - and even 'nucleuses'.

We're DOOMED! I blame the Yanks, they've NEVER given a damn about proper pluralisation - this is assimilation by stealth!

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Exercising with chocolate: Festival and tours galore

Sarah Balfour
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As far as I'm concerned…

…Cadbury's tastes like shit, too. Shite like that should NOT be allowed to call itself 'chocolate', true chocolate, as far as I'm concerned, is raw - hasn't been dicked about with - no heating, no dutching, no addition of any emulsifying agents, and with - or without - cacao butter.

Dutching is a process which neutralises the acidity of raw cacao (between pH 4.5 and 5.5) by treating it with an alkalising agent, and enhance its colour (dutched cocoa is a far darker shade than raw cacao powder, which looks very similar in colour to ground cinnamon). Unfortunately, this also destroys most of its flavenols and significantly reduces its nutritional value (cacao has an excellent nutritional profile and, unlike the nutrients in many other plants, they're well assimilated).

I eat a handful of raw 100% cacao drops most days, they're incredibly bitter, due to their acidity, but I like it, though most people can't stomach it.

Commercial, mass-produced 'chocolate' has given the real stuff a bad rep; I dare you to attempt the Raw Cacao Drop Challenge - raw cacao drops - can YOU stomach them…?!

Remember the genus name translates to 'food of the gods'. There are 13 species, of which 6 produce knowingly-edible fruits.

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