* Posts by Sarah Balfour

332 posts • joined 14 Apr 2007

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In redneck heaven, internet outages are the American Way

Sarah Balfour
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Re: It's a sport....

With slight adjustment, that'd work in Blighty too… well the bit about politicians at any rate. Wouldn't say our wildlife is all that dangerous (unless you happen to be sitting on a sea wall eating fish and chips. I did laugh at the American family sitting on the sea wall at Salcombe, feeling smug they'd the entire wall to themselves, having ignored the ubiquitous gull warning signs, then having to beat a rapid retreat (I say 'rapid' they were stereotypical septics) being pursued, coz they weren't gonna leave their tea!).

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Dropbox DROPS BOX as service GOES TITSUP worldwide

Sarah Balfour
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Any port in a storm…?

Preferably one with an external backup drive attached to it

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Drum roll, please .... Results are in for the collective noun for security vulns

Sarah Balfour
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FAIL

Re: Goosed geese

Nope, it's SKEIN. Flock is just a general collective noun for birds of any species (which does make one wonder why sheep come in flocks…).

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Space paparazzo captures bipolar butterfly

Sarah Balfour
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I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree there, mate!

…or, perhaps, you're simply barking…? The 1 dog year = 7 human years is a myth. Dogs age faster as puppies as their metabolism are faster, and slow down as they age and small dogs live a fair bit longer than larger breeds.

So, for example, between 3 and 12 months small and medium breeds (chihuahuas, Jack Russells, dachshunds, pugs, spaniels, etc.) age around 1.25 human years per month, dropping to around 1 year a month at age 2, 0.75y at 4, and 0.5 at 8. If he lives to 20, he's ageing at 0.4y per month.

Large breeds (Rotties, Great Danes, BMDs, Newfoundlands, GSDs, Labs, etc.) age 1m = 1y up to 12m, then 1m = 8m at 3-6yrs, 7.5m at 9-13yrs. Large breeds tend not to live much longer than that.

Cats age much faster; a 3-month-old kitten is about 4 human years old, and a 1-year-old cat is around 15. By the time your cat is 10, he's about 60 in human years, and at 15 he's 77.

In short, it's all to do with metabolism.

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Hacktivists congratulate Daily Show's Jon Stewart via Donald Trump's website

Sarah Balfour
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Re: meh

"He appears to know business". I guess if he didn't, he'd have filed for bankruptcy considerably more than the half-dozen times he's done so.

If Trump is your idea of an astute businessman… words fail me.

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: jquery?

@Trevor Potts - you're not, you're UNinterested. Disinterested means impartiality.

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: First, anyone who is an US Citizen

Two words: Ted Cruz. Born in Canadia of Cuban parents. Explain his eligibility to me.

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: Not "reaching out" again...

Yes, but in an entirely different context; the sense it's used over here is in the sense of "outreach". The septics use it in the same context as we use 'contact' which, in many instances, makes it seem totally inappropriate. Imagine if we were to adopt that context - the thought of reaching out to someone like IDS… <SHUDDER>

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: Not "reaching out" again...

Have an extremely belated up-vote, I thought I was alone in despising that phrase; off the top of my head, I can't think of another Americanism that irritates, annoys and grates on me more. Every time I see it I scream, almost involuntarily now, "The word is *CONTACT(ED)*, you ignorant fucking moron!"

I've begun to see it creeping into British publications now, too, our assimilation as the 52nd state is almost complete (I say "52nd", because Oz is almost totally Americanised now).

In other news, I need to find a better news app - this story is over a fortnight old and I'm seeing it for the first time today (19/08). Any suggestions anyone…?

Finally, there are some doubting the veracity of this; if I read it correctly, it refers to John Oliver as "an Englishman", which certainly makes me doubt the nationality of the author(s). Surely a Canadian, given Canadia's proud Scottish heritage, wouldn't be so stupid…?!

Off to find a better news-feeder.

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BOFH: Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one!

Sarah Balfour
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I'm just trying to picture a guy with a 70cm (27.6") waist and a 105cm (41.33") gut.

Do dude kecks go that small…? If so, how'd the fuck would he get 'em over the belly…?!

Does not compute… this is Blighty - who the fuck measures in centimetres, anyway…?!

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Microsoft co-founder recovers ship's bell of 'The Mighty Hood'

Sarah Balfour
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Re: The Impact On The Public Was Terrible

Bet he feels a right tit now…

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Has Microsoft saved the Apple Watch with Outlook improvement?

Sarah Balfour
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Re: That's the second time MSFT has pulled Apple back from the brink!

Down-voted for APPALLING grammar.

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LibreOffice 5.0 debuts, complete with fewer German code comments

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Making it smarter?

"Es sieht wie Sie einen Brief schreiben", surely…?

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Boffins: Spooky, spinning SPACE PEANUT butters up Earth with close flyby

Sarah Balfour
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Re: MegaKong

If we cum from monkies, how cum theirs still monkies…?

I LOVE creatards, they make me feel intelligent. Also useful when I don't have a punchbag handy… okay.i can't ACTUALLY punch 'em, much as I'd like to, but it's an acceptable substitute. The Nibiruvians are my favourite - apparently we're not "monkies", nor lizards, we're the love children of Nibiruvian Angels. Yep, they're serious.

Gotta love the septics.

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James Woods demands $10m from Twitter troll for 'coke addict' claim

Sarah Balfour
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Meanwhile, in the UK…

Claim a Tory peer's a coke-snorter and ya better have the dough for a fucking good brief.

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Sarah Balfour
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Re: He should be ashamed

Or the Tories (which, these days, is pretty much the same thing).

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Amazon threatens UK with James Blunt, muscles into music streaming

Sarah Balfour
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Downloaded app…

threw a dozen bands at it, couldn't find any of 'em, deleted.

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Happy 30th anniversary, Tengen! Your anti-DRM NES chip fought the law, and the law won

Sarah Balfour
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I've never owned a console…

…nor has my sister, so the reason as to why there's a Jaguar in the loft shall forever remain a mystery. There's also an Atari computer, I had Amigas. I also had every single issue of Amiga Action, complete with cover discs, till my dear mama decided they were junk, and chucked 'em without even ASKING. No sense of nostalgia, my mother. She could've ASKED FIRST!

My cousins still have all theirs, except for a MegaDrive which was sold to help fund the purchase of an N64.

The games never interested me, I had a mild, passing interest in Zelda, but that was about it, my cousins have every Mario Bros game ever made. I was going to say I don't like games where death happens, but I was text adventuring in the '80s, finished every Zork, the only Amiga TA I never finished was Planetfall.

I do apologise for this slight detour. As you were…

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Acer Revo One RL85: A pint-sized PC for the snug

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Moving "users" folder

Adam Ant…?! Oh please - I sincerely hope you're being ironic…

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German army fights underground Nazi war machine hidden in Kiel pensioner's cellar

Sarah Balfour
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Article says he was in his 70s, which would mean he'd have been born between 1936 and 1945, I know desperation began to set in towards the end of the war, but I didn't think the Germans took to recruiting from primary schools!

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British spooks wave through Samsung S6 mobes for UK govt bods

Sarah Balfour
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FAIL

Re: Meh

That's RONSEAL you numpty!

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Evil computers sense you’re in a hurry and mess with your head

Sarah Balfour
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Re: @Alistair Dabbs, re Charities.

Many of the larger 'charities' have CEOs & directors being paid at least 6 figures. If I give to charity these days, it won't to be one of the massive ones, because I'm convinced that my 'donation' will end up in the CEO's bank account. The CEO of CRUK (a 'charity' for which I have zero time, I'm convinced it's a quango these days) took home a similar salary to most top wank… er bankers last year. Why the fuck should I fund that…?!

You could always send a demand straight to the CEO - find out his annual salary and demand a decent percentage.

Talking of people being paid for doing next to fuck all, the local ice cream van has switched to playing the MOTD theme. Prior to that it was The Birdie Song. I fucking HATE football!

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WINGED VELOCIRAPTOR 'from HELL': Closest thing ever to a real DRAGON?

Sarah Balfour
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"Zhenyuanlong" means "Zhenyaun's dragon". This might draw some argument from traditional dragon fanciers, who would no doubt prefer to see leathery rather than feathery wings - not to mention a confirmation of ability to fly, somewhat increased size, and of course an ability to breathe or spit fire. Even so this creature would seem perhaps as much like a dragon as anything else known to have existed. -Ed

That's Draco nobilis.

Draco nobilis Vs. Draco vulgaris

http://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Draco_nobilis

http://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Draco_vulgaris

http://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/index.php/Errol

Hope they work, coz the links everyone else posts never do for me (unless I copy 'em and, frankly, I can't be feckin' arsed).

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PLUTO: The FINAL FRONTIER – best image yet of remote, icy dwarf planet REVEALED

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Just for a laugh...

Elves…?! Thought it was Trolls Dwarves couldn't stand…?

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Apple Watch sales in death dive after mega launch, claims study

Sarah Balfour
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Evidently you've never bought anything from a 'hardware' Apple Store

At the end of the transaction the sales droid is programmed to ask "Would you like me to email you a copy of your receipt…?" May as well ask "Would you like your inbox spammed halfway to fucking Pluto…?!"

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Reg hack survives world's longest commercial flight

Sarah Balfour
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WTF?

Re: Auckland to Heathrow

The Ageds always use Gatwick or Stansted these days (Dad can make Clarkson look like a Zen Buddhist monk at airports - slight hyperbole, but not by much). Their most frequent trip is London to Jo'burg, which they make every at least other year. Dad refuses to use Heathrow, even though it's the most convenient.

I'd like to travel, but passports are silly money (especially for someone on DLA) and I don't trust Big Sister, as she shall henceforth be known, not to introduce some kind of inter-passport tracking, just in case I might harbour ideas about joining ISIS.

This government has made me paranoid - okay, MORE paranoid.

Right lunch had, kip time! I'M FAR TOO YOUNG TO FEEL THIS OLD!

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Google's Cardboard cutout VR headgear given away GRATIS by OnePlus ... SELLS OUT

Sarah Balfour
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I'm tempted to repeat the Blue Peter 'joke' I made the last time…

…but I'm not gonna bother because nobody found it funny.

Think I'm gonna give up trying to be funny (as in 'ha ha' - the other kind just is).

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Wikipedia: YES! we’ve SAVED the INTERNET again!

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Teenaged*

Evidently, El Reg - or whoever this hack is - doesn't think the Pirate Party - of which I'm a member - is a serious political party, it's just kiddies playing at being politicians.

Obviously, he doesn't believe copyright and privacy are things worth fighting for…

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Sarah Balfour
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FAIL

Re: (sheepish)

Glad you did - my first thought was "I didn't think the Beeb was THAT influential - and why Panorama…? Why not 'Freedom of Newsnight' or 'Freedom of Question Time'…? Why's 'Panorama' so special…?"

And, no, this isn't even one of my shit jokes this time - I HONESTLY thought that - for a couple of seconds, before I clocked it was an EU thing. Okay, you can all laugh at me now. See…? I've failed myself, so YOU don't have to.

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Why OH WHY did Blighty privatise EVERYTHING?

Sarah Balfour
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You fucking WHAT…?!

Virgin/CrossCountry (I know they're separate entities now but, as far as I'm concerned, they're one and the same) ranks alongside SE Rail as the WORST operator in the country. They NEVER lay on enough carriages and, several times, I've gone to find my reserved seats - only to find them already taken by people who've been given the SAME reserved seats! In fact, I've learnt that the only way to get a seat on a Virgin/CC train is to traipse up and down the aisles looking for reserved seats that haven't been taken up. I've had to stand all the way from Brum to Edinburgh Waverley. More than fucking once, and anyone tells me they've had one run to schedule, far as I'm concerned they're telling porkies. Three carriages for a cross-country journey is 50% fewer then there ought to be, in my opinion.

Oh and the bogs never work - or, if they ARE working, well you wouldn't want to use 'em anyway… one of those Brum to Edinburgh journeys didn't have ANY functioning kazis (and by 'any' I mean 'one', coz that's all there was). Well, let's put it this way, summer wasn't the only thing that was high…

Fuck knows what would happen if there was ever a fire - most trains I've been on have been so crammed that following safe evacuation procedure would have been impossible. Don't even want to think about it…

FGW and TransPennine are the best for service, though Chiltern's improved immeasurably.

Okay, rant over - Virgin/CC STINKS (and not just coz of the state of the facility).

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Who wants a classic ThinkPad with whizzy new hardware? Lenovo would just love to know

Sarah Balfour
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Re: I'm gonna get flamed for this...

"There's a reason Apple are No1…". Yes, love, it's called "advertising". Advertising to those who value style over substance and/or who have access to Daddy's gold MasterCard.

Being number 1 doesn't automatically mean you're any good - the 'music' charts are proof of that.

Have another down-vote for being a snivelling little whiny bitch.

Oh and don't let the name fool ya, I ain't female. Nor male. And I don't give a flying pig's posterior what ANYONE thinks of that!

Need 'whiny bitch' icon.

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So much for rainbows, Zuck: Facebook staff still overwhelmingly male and white

Sarah Balfour
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Here in Blighty, there seems to be another worrying trend - regional discrimination.

Seems that however well-qualified (in every sense) you are for a position, if you tick 1 - or more - of the following boxes, you'll be passed over:

Comprehensive school education

'Annoying' accent (Brummie and Scouse are considered the most annoying, apparently)

Working-class background

However, if you've a Home Counties RP accent, a grammar or public school education and are (upper) middle-class, then you're more likely to be hired, regardless of qualifications.

This seems to be especially true in the financial sector, particularly in the City, which could be why the banks went into meltdown - a load of posh twats who didn't have the first fucking clue what they were doing (whilst siphoning off funds on the side).

It's been going on for decades really (yes, before anyone says anything, I realise this post probably doesn't make much sense but, even though it's cooler today, I'm still suffering a particularly bad case of Troll Brain - I'm dreading Wednesday, it's rumoured it's gonna hit 32°, anything over 22 and I'm dead. I'm fully expecting my brain to literally melt and dribble out my ears…).

SJ tired. SJ sleep now.

So much for the Classless Society, eh…?

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Wake up, sheeple! If you ask Siri about 9/11 it will rat you out to the police!

Sarah Balfour
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There IS one thing I'd like to ask America…

WTF are you the only country on the planet to still use Fahrenheit…?! Oh and if you could make your imperial units the same as everyone else's imperial units, that'd be great…

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Sarah Balfour
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There are some nutters out there…

came across a guy on Twitter who fervently believes that…

NASA stole Noah's Ark under the cover of chemtrails because the U.S. Government didn't want the world finding out that it knew the location of Nibiru. Noah's Ark also had summat to do with 11/9, but I forget what.

Tinfoil straight jacket anyone…?

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Sarah Balfour
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There are 3 down-votes now - what the fuck else COULD it be…?! Morons.

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FLICK my FLINT and SNIFF my TREE on the streets of Naples

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Street vendors ...

ODWR:

http://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Cut-Me-Own-Throat_Dibbler

As I'm shocked he's not been mentioned yet…

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Innocent Spaniards roasted by experimental napalm mead

Sarah Balfour
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Re: thats not a drink, its a sauce

Sounds more like Scumble to me

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Disk is dead, screeches Violin – and here's how it might happen

Sarah Balfour
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Initialisms, NOT acronyms…

…unless it can be pronounced as a word, it's NOT an acronym.

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Japanese female fish in sperm-producing strangeness

Sarah Balfour
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No. What you're referring to is sequential hermaphroditism where an organism, in this case a fish, is born one sex, and may change sex as the need arises usually, as you say, from female to male. This usually occurs in species where the two sexes are vastly different in appearance, with the female being much smaller and duller-coloured than the male. If the male should die, then the female will take on the physical appearance of the male and court just like any other male of that species. It's also a survival tactic, as males remain reproductively active far longer than females.

Oh fuck it, here's the wiki link! I'm too fucking splatted. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sequential_hermaphroditism

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Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED

Sarah Balfour
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late to the party as always - but this is necessary…

http://youtu.be/Jf97Tshk0-c

He did canvas totes with 'Unexpected Item' on, but I went and feckin' lost mine!

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Is that a graphics driver on your shop's register – or a RAM-slurping bank card thief?

Sarah Balfour
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Re: So use ApplePay

Any mention of self-service checkouts anywhere, and posting this becomes obligatory

http://youtu.be/Jf97Tshk0-c

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WikiLeaks offers $100k for copies of the Trans-Pacific Partnership – big biz's secret govt pact

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Why is there an AC trying to derail the comments?

Genius…?! Hardly. Just your bog-standard, Teabagger-type fucktard. Move along, nothing to see here…

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Mac bug makes rootkit injection as easy as falling asleep

Sarah Balfour
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Easy as falling asleep…?

I'm an insomniac.

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It's not over 'til Saturn's spongy moon sings: Cassini probe set for final Hyperion fly-by

Sarah Balfour
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Re: Altogether now...

We get one in the loft every other year or so, the fuckers enter through a crack just above my bedroom window, and said windows, which are the originals, provide them with a steady supply of building material (they've destroyed the bottom of the middle frame.

Just over 4 years ago, my folks decided to extend the kitchen, knock down the old 'garage' (we called it a garage, though it wasn't the car-housing kind, more of a shed really), and create a proper utility room, plus replacing the garage with what they now call The Potting Shed). I have a very extreme reaction to wasp stings - not life-threateningly extreme, but when I'm stung the affected area takes WEEKS to return to normal.

Asked Dad to get Simon (their builder) to get one of his guys to fill in the crack. He wouldn't because "I can't see anything". Couple of years later, they pissed off to South Africa for a month, and I awoke one morning to a swarm on the landing. Thankfully, the time of year meant they were dying off, but I still had to call one of his golf mates (a Rentokil contractor) to deal with 'em.

A nest SANS wasps is, I'm sure you'll agree, a thing of immense beauty.

He's STILL not dealt with the crack, and I've heard buzzing up there…

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The rare metals debate: Only trace elements of sanity found

Sarah Balfour
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Baconium

when a Baconium mine is discovered, this will make sense. Tim, I'm sure you're a wonderful example of Homo sapiens, but your columns go right over my head, I'm afraid.

Still, bacon… Praise The Lard! All Hail The Divine Swine!

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Hardcore creationist finds 60-million-year-old fossils in backyard ... 'No, it hasn’t changed my mind about the Bible'

Sarah Balfour
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Facepalm

Re: Creation

That's always been my reaction when some fundie-creatard type demands I prove their God doesn't exist; if they want me to believe in their God, all they need do is take a selfie with him/her/it. Then I'll believe.

By the way, if you think YECs are insane, you've not met the Flat Young Earth geocentric creatards. I came across one on Twitter a while back that truly believed that monkey-faced orchids proved that animals came from plants.

The delicious irony was that one of these was Japanese.

Is there ANY way we can stop the morons from breeding…?! And then dump 'em on a remote island far away from anywhere they can do any (more) damage.

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Taming the Thames – The place that plugged London's Great Stink

Sarah Balfour
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Re: If only

Not forgetting Celine Dion.

Actually, let's just forget Celine Dion…

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Google's Cardboard 2.0 virtual reality device is a triumph for humanity, said no one sane, ever

Sarah Balfour
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All a bit Blue Peter, innit…?

"Today, we'll be showing you how to make your very own virtual reality headset. You'll need an empty cereal box, a 2p coin, a pen or pencil, double-sided sticky-tape, a craft knife, a couple of convex lenses, and Daddy's smartphone…"

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Google spins up 'FREE, unlimited' cloud photo storage 4 years before ad giant nixes it

Sarah Balfour
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Re: @ diodesign Nonplussed

Barmy, Lynn, Norfolk…? http://www.comedy.co.uk/guide/tv/im_alan_partridge/characters/

Methinks you meant 'balmy'…

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Beware Red Hat interviews: You'll pay for coffee, lunch and fuel

Sarah Balfour
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At the point he'd claimed to have forgotten his wallet, I'd have said "What a coincidence, so have I!", turned round and walked out. I'd not want to be employed by a company which saw me as easily exploitable.

Seems the thinking was, "If this guy's desperate enough for the job, he'll do anything".

I've never had a job.

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