* Posts by Sarah Balfour

360 posts • joined 14 Apr 2007

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Self-driving vehicles might be autonomous but insurance pay-outs probably won't be

Sarah Balfour

Re: Road Markings

What's alcohol, then…? Or caffeine…? Or don't you drink coffee/tea/cocoa/energy drinks, either…?

People seem to be of the belief that drugs = substances prohibited by law, or those which the quack scripts 'em (same thing in many cases).

Least you're not the government, alcohol isn't a drug according to it, either. According to a clause in the heinous Psychoactive Substances Bill, alcohol only becomes psychoactive if a psychoactive substance is added to it (yes, seriously; if it ever becomes law - and, please Offler, I hope it doesn't, I'm campaigning to get the Misuse of Drugs Act pemanently repealed - it would, effectively, make DUI legal, if you consider the definition of 'psychoactive' to be 'affecting the brain and influencing behaviour'. My tolerance for stupid people is low anyway but, when stupid people are in charge of the country. What the fuck am I saying…?! These are TORIES we're talking about, it's not so much stupidity, as calculated wilful ignorance).

G'night.

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Only a CNUT would hold back the waves of the sharing economy

Sarah Balfour

Re: Very good article, would read again

As far as I'm concerned, the difference between you and him is that YOUR articles make SENSE! I wouldn't know what side Worstall's on coz I've never understood a fucking thing he's ever written!

Our local cabbies have been charging Uber prices for aeons; I live around 1.5 miles from the station, but they want £7.50 before midnight and £15 after; I've no option but to cough up because the only way home is across the common, and I don't fancy a chance meeting with Aqualung. Obviously in the summer I'll walk it

Yes Aqualung, as in Tull, so named by me because he's creepy; I'm 90% certain he's PROBABLY harmless, but I ain't taking the risk, especially as he appears to be an alkie (the area around his campfire is always littered with cans). Not meaning to imply that alkies are inherently violent/rapey, but the booze is probably gonna make him (more) unpredictable. He'll disappear around Hallowe'en/Bonfire Night, and won't return until the weather warms up again - no idea where he goes in the winter.

So, if it's one of the rare occasions I've been up to the Smoke, and come back late, I've really no option. They're all self-employed and everything is extortionate round here (South Bucks), so I can't really begrudge them, if I could, I'd leave but, sadly, I can't…

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Mars water discovery is a liberal-muslim plot, cry moist conspiracy theorists

Sarah Balfour

Re: Calling out to occupants of interplanetary space...

He was around the other day, but I thought AManFromMars and AManFromMars1 were 2 entirely different entities…

But what do I know…?

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Woman makes app that lets people rate and review you, Yelp-style. Now SHE'S upset people are 'reviewing' her

Sarah Balfour

Re: I have discovered...

Blackadder: Baldrick, do you know what irony is…?

Baldrick: I certainly do, Mr. B, it's like goldy and bronzey, but less shiny.

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Dear do-gooders, you can't get rid of child labour just by banning it

Sarah Balfour

Re: Left and Right and Politics

As an anarchist, I object most vehemently to that sweeping generalisation. I don't "follow" anyone, I'm not a fucking sheep, and there's things where I seem to be the only one who can see the problems (the NHS for example - I have a MASSIVE problem with the NHS. And NICE (permanent holder of the award for world's most ironic acronym)) and this gets me labelled a 'conspiracy theorist' (actually, that's not COMPLETELY accurate, there are many GPs who've massive problems with the NHS and NICE, but they have to keep their yaps shut if they want to continue GPing (the more I read - and learn - about the GMC, the more convinced I am that it's run/controlled by a mafia).

That said, congrats Tim on writing the first article I actually understood - and almost entirely agreed with (though points deducted for the mention of that cunt - him, he who is Jinormously Obese. If you want to try to understand WHY I have a bit of an issue, to put it mildly,with the NHS, then look no further (not that looking further is possible, the twat's so fat he practically eclipses the Sun) - why the fuck the NHS thought that soliciting the advice of someone who owns a chain of Italian restaurants on how to tackle childhood obesity is unfathomable, Italian is probably the most obesity-causing cuisine there is; no, I'm not talking about the butter-and-cream-heavy sauces (that's the healthy bit) I'm talking about all the grainy shite; the pasta, the pizzas, the breads - NOTHING piles on the pounds faster than grainy stodge. The fact that the NHS thinks this wanker is the best person to advise them on how to stop us becoming the most obese nation on Earth says all you need to know about the NHS - it's not serious on tackling (childhood) obesity, because it needs fat kids to become obese adults, to keep 'em drugged for life. If it started feeding kids a healthy high-fat/low-carb diet, they'd not grow up to be adults at risk of developing heart disease, which would mean they wouldn't require statins, which would mean all those at NICE, and within the NHS who are basically nowt more than sales-droids wouldn't get their big, FAT, Brucie Bonuses.

Cholesterol DOESN'T cause heart disease, eating fat DOESN'T make you fat, ALL carbs are sugar, INSULIN causes OBESITY - four truisms the NHS doesn't want you to know.

That's why they need Jowly Wobliver - who better to convince kiddies that a bowl of birdseed is the perfect start to the day…?

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NEW ERA for HUMANITY? NASA says something 'major' FOUND ON MARS

Sarah Balfour

Re: Aaaaaieeeeh!

What like thi…?

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Nice try, Apple. The Maxi Pad is no laptop killer – and won’t scratch the Surface

Sarah Balfour

Re: Is it just me...

You're new round these parts too, ain'tcha…?

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Sarah Balfour

Re: Maxi Pad

You're new round these parts, aren't you…?

And what's all this "iPads are only for girls"….?! I'm not a girl. Not this week at any rate. Next week, who knows…?

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VW’s case of NOxious emissions: a tale of SMOKE and MIRRORS?

Sarah Balfour

Re: I give up

That's been my standard MO for fora/comments sections for years; these days, however, having a tablet as my main device and noticing that some refuse to allow you to copy, I tend to compose posts in Notes first.

The worst is, ironically, Apple's own fora (yes, this is an iPad).

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Indianapolis man paints his ball every day – for FORTY YEARS

Sarah Balfour

Re: Darwin Awards Equivalant

To qualify for a Darwin, your stupidity DOES NOT have to lead to your demise, the main criterion is that your genes are removed from the gene pool, which can quite easily happen (more so for men) without death, e.g. if you happened to get your sack caught in such a way that all blood supply to your veg was cut off for long enough that Jaffaring was the result. Or, in the case of one fucktard I saw writhing in agony on a trolley in the A&E at Manchester Royal, you decided to nail gun your jewels to a 2x4. Pretty certain he wasn't going to be furthering humanity after it was removed.

All the rules state is that you have to be rendered unable to breed and, whilst death is the only way that can be achieved with surety, Awards have been given to men (because, obviously, it's pretty impossible for a lass to remove her seed from the gene pool without fatality) who've survived, but been left Jaffared. There's nothing to say all awards have to be posthumous, just that your junk needs to be junk.

So, as we're talking Oz, if you're baiting a croc and it rips your sack off and eats it, but you survive, you'd qualify. Talking of dangerous reptiles and nuts, there was the man awarded because he decided it'd be an excellent idea to shove a rattler into his undies. There's a whole RWNJ sect - cult - in the Deep South which believes that God only wants those who are willing to sleep with venomous snakes. If you're bitten - which obviously is likely - and you survive, then God rejected you, summat like that. Whole shit-tonne of potential Awards there.

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RFID wants to TRACK my TODGER, so I am going to CUT it OFF

Sarah Balfour

Re: Pairing socks?

I used to think I was weird for wearing odd socks, until I saw an interview with the inestimable Mr. William Connelly. I can't recall who was conducting the interview but, at one point, the interviewer asked if it was true he always went on stage wearing odd socks, at which point he rolled up his trousers to reveal one neon pink & green striped sock, and one purple sock with neon orange spots.

He said he'd been running late for a gig, and couldn't find a pair, so he grabbed the first two that came to hand; the show was an absolute blinder, and he attributed it to the socks, so he's worn odd ones ever since.

I have to buy guy's socks, because evidently girls don't want socks in funky colours. All the ladies' socks I've ever found have been grey, black, white or brown (or variants thereof) and/or covered in stupid twee patterns (Hello Kitty, or hearts, or puppies, summat like that). I want my socks plain - and loud! I used to buy them in M&S, because their smallest men's size is (was…? Not bought any for ages) summat like 6-8/8.5, but I wanted to replace a favourite set - and I found they'd gone BORING (unless I wanted stripes or spots, or harlequin, which I didn't)!

I have size 5.5 feet (yep, 5.5 weird feet. The only shoes I can buy are trainers, 5.5 doesn't exist in 'normal' shoes, and especially not when you need shoes that are flat, give good ankle support and have laces (I need to be able to pull 'em tight to help support my ankles). I had a wonderful pair of little black ankle boots, in a very soft leather, I think I bought in Clark's, and I wore them until they were practically falling apart. That's the other thing, soft leather, so they mould to my feet. They have, to dat, proved irreplaceable. I'm not ashamed to say I almost cried when they became so worn even Timpson's couldn't patch 'em up…)), so they were a tad on the big side, but I've never been one for doing things quietly.

Apparently girls want brightly coloured tights, though. I don't wear tights, I wear socks and leggings (I can't wear kecks, either, because one side of me is larger than the other, and leggings obviously stretch.

And DON'T get me started on bras, I was HOPING I'd shrink enough to get away without, but the fucking things are STILL too huge - and I average a 27" chest. I can't wear wires - and guys, quit moaning about labels - we girlies have to endure not only itchy labels, but chafing bra bands! If mine were around a half-cup smaller, I could buy M&S teen bras but, stubbornly, they ain't! I want 'em GORN! I've got no use for 'em, they're just irritating bags o' flab!

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Global warming stopped in 1998? No it didn't. If you say that, you're going to PRISON

Sarah Balfour

I'll agree with you about Veganists

I've always referred to them as such because it is, let's be honest here, almost a religion and, like Xian fundies, and creationists (which are, almost always, one and the same thing), they refuse to listen to any counter-arguments, all of which are likely to be based on ACTUAL SCIENCE ("Christian/creation science" is another oxymoron). The only way veganism will save the planet is by killing off the human race.

Please forgive me - I know you're all bored of my favourite soapbox - but the truth is this: every organism on Earth has its own unique dietary blueprint, set down by evolution and genetics; Homo sapiens didn't evolve to be herbivorous, nothing in our physiology is 'designed' (for want of a better word) to derive nutrition from plants, they have extremely low density, both in terms of energy and nutrition, and humans lack any physiological features for deriving either from them, at least in any quantity worth bothering about. Not only that, but plant proteins (mostly) aren't complete - herbivores don't require the same amino acids we do, nor do they require the same vitamins and minerals (there's no plant source of 'true' B12, for example, and we can't really do anything much with non-heme iron; furthermore, many plants - grains and legumes (particularly soy) - contain substances which are toxic to humans if consumed in large quantities (grains contain phytates which prevent the body from absorbing many vital nutrients (many mimic B complex vitamins, for example, tricking the body into believing it's assimilating more Bs than it really is, leaving people deficient), spinach, and other leafy greens to a lesser extent, contains oxalate preventing iron absorption by mimicking iron (oxalate also prevents the absorption of iron from any iron-containing foods the spinach is eaten with, so greens and steak isn't a sensible idea) as well as leeching Fe from the body. Soy contains phytoestrogens (those hormones touted as being good for you because they're "clinically proven to lower your cholesterol. You don't need your cholesterol lowering, high cholesterol - except in very exceptional circumstances - is a GOOD THING, as the higher your overall cholesterol, the lower your risk of developing heart disease). Phytoestrogens bugger up your thyroid as they mimic thyroxine, tricking your pituitary gland into believing it's telling it to produce too much T4, so it produces less TSH. Eat soy for long enough and, eventually, the opposite will be the case - your thyroid will quit producing T4 altogether (which means your TSH will shoot stratospherically high and you'll develop hypothyroidism).

(If you want an IT angle, Steve Jobs likely developed pancreatic cancer because he was vegan; an all sugar diet (which is what a vegan diet is - all carbs turn to sugar once consumed) will, obviously, hammer the pancreas far harder than a standard diet (which is still FAR too carb-heavy) and, when you abuse an organ like that, bad things are liable to happen. Despite what the NHS wants you to believe, eating meat DOES NOT cause cancer, of any kind (what the meat might have eaten, or been injected with, might, hence it's always best to eat grass/naturally-fed if at all possible). A vegan diet is also devoid of B12, which is anti-carcinogenic).

Because a vegan diet is so nutritionally poor, far more of the planet would need to be destroyed to accommodate humanity's nutritional requirements (just try telling a vegan much of their food contains palm oil and see their reaction - if the orangutang becomes extinct, it'll be vegans who are largely to blame). A vegan will tell you there's more protein in broccoli than steak; even if that was true (it's not) only around 10% of that protein will be assimilated, and it's not complete (I've a chart somewhere I saved when I was in the habit of trolling vegan FB groups, which makes the extraordinary claim that a cucumber is 24% protein, thus proving being vegan makes you extremely stupid (or perhaps vegans don't believe/think/know a cucumber is 99% water). The owner of this one particular group also had a dog and a cat, both obviously fed a vegan diet, and here was I thinking that veganists were vegan because they didn't like being cruel to animals (I did use to point out that humans are animals too so, by being vegan they were, in actual fact, being cruel to an animal… they never understood the logic…). I never saw any photos of the cat, but the dog… well, if I'd been in a position to, I'd have had her up on cruelty charges, the poor thing looked almost DEAD! Thank FUCK she didn't have kids (feeding kids a vegan diet is abuse as far as I'm concerned, as you're denying them adequate nutrition. A woman in France was a jailed in 2011 for 10 years for manslaughter after her 10-month-old daughter died of pernicious anaemia; her mother was a raw foodist, and she was one of those who believed in breastfeeding for as long as possible. She also didn't believe in hospitals so, when the child became sick, she wrapped her in boiled cabbage and bentonite clay poultices (to "draw out the toxins").

Us obligate carnivorous omnivores (I've always referred to the human diet as such, as we can live without plants, but NOT without meat) won't be the ones who'll destroy the planet.

I nearly gave you a down-vote for the apostrophe in 'trees'. I have not the foggiest why some think that, because a word ends in a vowel its plural requires an apostrophe. Apostrophes, in standard English usage, denote possession or omission, neither of which applies here.

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BORN to HURL: Man's shoulders are head and shoulders above apes, gorillas, chimps etc

Sarah Balfour

Re: Only one thing to say

I'm a bit late (as per usual) but what was that Sellers skit, with the chess board to the side of the wicket, and they had to make a move between each over…? It was called summat like 'How Cricket Looks To An American/The Americans', tried searching YT, but I can't be searching for the right string, coz I can't feckin' find it!

Either that, or nobody's uploaded it, but I feel certain I've found it on there before! I could be muddling my Peters and it was Cook, but it seems more a Sellers thing to me…

Anyone…?

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Android 5 lock-screens can be bypassed by typing in a reeeeally long password. In 2015

Sarah Balfour

Slightly off-topic

but I have an app that allows you to choose between three password types

Standard

Shapes

Colours

Shapes and colours can also be mixed (so you could have red triangle, green square, blue hexagon, pink flower, orange sun for example)

Now, I'm autistic and I find random character strings (or even words partially composed of letter-esque symbols) almost impossible to memorise, which is why many of my passwords are identical (not exactly the safest person on Earth).

I do, however, find colours and shapes easy and I'm sure I can't be alone in this. I just don't understand WHY after so many years companies still require people to use traditional alphanumeric passwords…?

Show me a string of 8 (for example) random characters and ask me to recall them say 30m-1hr - or longer - later, and I'd struggle; show me a string of 8 colours, 8 shapes or 8 coloured shapes, and I'd have very little difficulty. I struggle to recall words, my mind is very visual; I can recall faces, or what someone was wearing the last time I saw them, but names…?! Forget it. Same with LPs. Unless it's a band I know intimately, I recall LPs by the art's main colour or image, rather than its name, which is difficult when some (New Order spring instantly to mind) dispense with art altogether. Least with NO it wasn't on every release!

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Sarah Balfour
FAIL

Re: And nobody considered...

PROBABLY. The word is PROBABLY, you semi-literate, ill-educated, fucktard! Have a 'FAIL' icon yerself!

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UK terror law probe stresses 'safeguards' amid MI5 plot claims

Sarah Balfour

The five biggest wastes of tax money (In no particular order)

1. Surveillance

2. The Misuse of Drugs Act

3. Trident

4. Statins (and associated drugs)

5. Tories

Personally, it's got fuck all to do with national security, and everything to do with the fact the fuckers are paranoid. Paranoid personality disorder is a severe mental illness - should the mentally ill REALLY be in charge of a country…?!

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Hey, remember Zune? Zune's dead, baby. Zune's dead

Sarah Balfour

It was the NAME…

WTF did 'Zune' actually MEAN…?! Tune spelt with a 'Z', I'm assuming, but it seemed pretty meaningless to me. Was MS hoping it'd take off and they'd be able to start talking about the Zuneiverse, and other such witticisms…? Perhaps if they'd given it a name beginning with any letter prior to 'I', they might've stood more chance…? Who am I kidding…?! The thing was shit.

Perhaps if Ballmer'd got there first, we'd all be saying the same about iPods, but somehow I doubt it - seems to me that, in many respects, MS is shit at marketing.

I seem to recall seeing one and the colour put me off - weren't they a kind of shit brown…? Perhaps if they'd come in a wide range of fashionable shades…

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Reg Xmas lectures tackle transhumanism, driverless cars and life as a hostage

Sarah Balfour
Unhappy

Re: Deja vu

Seconded. C'mon, Reg! You don't HONESTLY expect folk to travel to the Smoke and spend a week's bread on a hotel, do ya…?! What if they fancied all 4…?!

You need to 'gerrit sor'ed' coz I'm sure Reg readers elsewhere might just like to attend… a vulture isn't a flightless bird, y'know…

Expecting folk to travel is a tad much…

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'Hey Siri, it's Obama, what should we do about Iran?'

Sarah Balfour
FAIL

Eh…?

How the fuck do you pronounce "sorry"…?!

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How did jihadists hack into top UK ministerial emails if no security breach took place?

Sarah Balfour

Re: Probably been said before

Why just blame the septics…? We had a role, too, y'know. The U.S. wasn't the only one poking its nose in where it didn't belong…

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Manchester fuzz 'truly sorry' for 'accidentally' hacking phone of whistleblower cop's girlf

Sarah Balfour

GMP are the most corrupt, most thuggish force in the country. They're bullies in uniform. I fully believe that the majority of the cunts only joined up so they could get away with doing shit that'd see 'em doing 10-15 if they were civvies. During an anti-fracking demo at Barton Moss, one can clearly be seen slipping a packet of white powder into the bag hanging on the handle of a severely disable lass's wheelchair. They later stop and search her, brutally flinging her to the ground by her hair and standing on her neck (she has MS). In addition to the planted coke, they find around an ounce of weed. She's then dragged off to the shop where, according to her girlfriend and her sister, she's forced to undergo a full body cavity search. I never found out what happened to her after that.

I've had my own head used as a football on several occasions, for the 'crime' of being a high-functioning autistic person having a panic attack.

Now, I've just had dinner, so it's kipping time.

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SPACE WHISKY: Astro malt pongs of 'rubber and smoked fish'

Sarah Balfour

Re: Who tastes the tasters?

You'd be better of losing the bread, and frying the bacon, with eggs, in copious amounts of saturated animal fat (real lard from outdoor-reared pigs for preference). Your liver - and your heart - will thank you.

Speaking of liver, adding 100g or so of the animal liver of your preference (calf's is good, so is lamb's) will give you far in excess of your RDA for everything. Yep, even vitamin C. There's more C in 100g of liver, than 100g of any fruit you care to mention (and, unlike the fruity stuff, it's 100% bioavailable).

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You tried to hide your extramarital affair … by putting it on the web?

Sarah Balfour

Re: More drivel

If you don't like El Reg (anymore), then why the fuck do you (still) read it…?! I don't come here for the erudite and accurate journalism, Oz I know that's in short supply, I come here for the laughs. If the Twat In The Hat, as he shall henceforth be known (if he ever wears that hat again, any road. Sorry Dabbsy, loves ya really…) quit writing here I'd probably not bother coming back myself.

Actually, that's probably not true - this is about the only forum specialising in a topic in which I have an interest (obviously) from which I've yet to be banned.

(No appropriate icon available)

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BOFH: Power corrupts, uninterrupted power corrupts absolutely

Sarah Balfour

Re: Electricity - Pah!

The best selection of real ales, ciders, perries, and stouts I've ever come across is to be found at the Sheffield Tap, conveniently located opposite platform 1 at the station. It's reputed to have the largest selection of home-brewed real ales and ciders in the country.

You've just got to remember not to get so obliterated that you miss your train… I quit drinking over 20 years ago, haven't touched a single drop since.

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Sarah Balfour

Uninterruptible/ted Pint Supply, surely…?

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They’re FAT. They’re ROUND. They’re worth almost a POUND. Smart waaatch, smart waaatch

Sarah Balfour

Re: Someone needed to say it.

Somebody already did, six years ago: - http://youtu.be/rLYJIIkKOxk

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Au oh, there's gold in them thar server farms, so lead the way

Sarah Balfour

As nobody else has mentioned it…

…I guess it *is* just me finding the iron and steel pic somewhat unnerving. Perhaps the LSD hasn't completely worn off yet…

Tim you're freaking me out, man!

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BEELION-dollar lasso snaps, NASA mapper blind in one eye

Sarah Balfour

Re: And this is why Science is a waste of money

When did medicine stop being science…?

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In redneck heaven, internet outages are the American Way

Sarah Balfour

Re: It's a sport....

With slight adjustment, that'd work in Blighty too… well the bit about politicians at any rate. Wouldn't say our wildlife is all that dangerous (unless you happen to be sitting on a sea wall eating fish and chips. I did laugh at the American family sitting on the sea wall at Salcombe, feeling smug they'd the entire wall to themselves, having ignored the ubiquitous gull warning signs, then having to beat a rapid retreat (I say 'rapid' they were stereotypical septics) being pursued, coz they weren't gonna leave their tea!).

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Dropbox DROPS BOX as service GOES TITSUP worldwide

Sarah Balfour

Any port in a storm…?

Preferably one with an external backup drive attached to it

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Drum roll, please .... Results are in for the collective noun for security vulns

Sarah Balfour
FAIL

Re: Goosed geese

Nope, it's SKEIN. Flock is just a general collective noun for birds of any species (which does make one wonder why sheep come in flocks…).

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Space paparazzo captures bipolar butterfly

Sarah Balfour

I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree there, mate!

…or, perhaps, you're simply barking…? The 1 dog year = 7 human years is a myth. Dogs age faster as puppies as their metabolism are faster, and slow down as they age and small dogs live a fair bit longer than larger breeds.

So, for example, between 3 and 12 months small and medium breeds (chihuahuas, Jack Russells, dachshunds, pugs, spaniels, etc.) age around 1.25 human years per month, dropping to around 1 year a month at age 2, 0.75y at 4, and 0.5 at 8. If he lives to 20, he's ageing at 0.4y per month.

Large breeds (Rotties, Great Danes, BMDs, Newfoundlands, GSDs, Labs, etc.) age 1m = 1y up to 12m, then 1m = 8m at 3-6yrs, 7.5m at 9-13yrs. Large breeds tend not to live much longer than that.

Cats age much faster; a 3-month-old kitten is about 4 human years old, and a 1-year-old cat is around 15. By the time your cat is 10, he's about 60 in human years, and at 15 he's 77.

In short, it's all to do with metabolism.

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Hacktivists congratulate Daily Show's Jon Stewart via Donald Trump's website

Sarah Balfour

Re: meh

"He appears to know business". I guess if he didn't, he'd have filed for bankruptcy considerably more than the half-dozen times he's done so.

If Trump is your idea of an astute businessman… words fail me.

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Sarah Balfour

Re: jquery?

@Trevor Potts - you're not, you're UNinterested. Disinterested means impartiality.

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Sarah Balfour

Re: First, anyone who is an US Citizen

Two words: Ted Cruz. Born in Canadia of Cuban parents. Explain his eligibility to me.

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Sarah Balfour

Re: Not "reaching out" again...

Yes, but in an entirely different context; the sense it's used over here is in the sense of "outreach". The septics use it in the same context as we use 'contact' which, in many instances, makes it seem totally inappropriate. Imagine if we were to adopt that context - the thought of reaching out to someone like IDS… <SHUDDER>

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Sarah Balfour

Re: Not "reaching out" again...

Have an extremely belated up-vote, I thought I was alone in despising that phrase; off the top of my head, I can't think of another Americanism that irritates, annoys and grates on me more. Every time I see it I scream, almost involuntarily now, "The word is *CONTACT(ED)*, you ignorant fucking moron!"

I've begun to see it creeping into British publications now, too, our assimilation as the 52nd state is almost complete (I say "52nd", because Oz is almost totally Americanised now).

In other news, I need to find a better news app - this story is over a fortnight old and I'm seeing it for the first time today (19/08). Any suggestions anyone…?

Finally, there are some doubting the veracity of this; if I read it correctly, it refers to John Oliver as "an Englishman", which certainly makes me doubt the nationality of the author(s). Surely a Canadian, given Canadia's proud Scottish heritage, wouldn't be so stupid…?!

Off to find a better news-feeder.

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BOFH: Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one!

Sarah Balfour

I'm just trying to picture a guy with a 70cm (27.6") waist and a 105cm (41.33") gut.

Do dude kecks go that small…? If so, how'd the fuck would he get 'em over the belly…?!

Does not compute… this is Blighty - who the fuck measures in centimetres, anyway…?!

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Microsoft co-founder recovers ship's bell of 'The Mighty Hood'

Sarah Balfour

Re: The Impact On The Public Was Terrible

Bet he feels a right tit now…

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Has Microsoft saved the Apple Watch with Outlook improvement?

Sarah Balfour

Re: That's the second time MSFT has pulled Apple back from the brink!

Down-voted for APPALLING grammar.

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LibreOffice 5.0 debuts, complete with fewer German code comments

Sarah Balfour

Re: Making it smarter?

"Es sieht wie Sie einen Brief schreiben", surely…?

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Boffins: Spooky, spinning SPACE PEANUT butters up Earth with close flyby

Sarah Balfour

Re: MegaKong

If we cum from monkies, how cum theirs still monkies…?

I LOVE creatards, they make me feel intelligent. Also useful when I don't have a punchbag handy… okay.i can't ACTUALLY punch 'em, much as I'd like to, but it's an acceptable substitute. The Nibiruvians are my favourite - apparently we're not "monkies", nor lizards, we're the love children of Nibiruvian Angels. Yep, they're serious.

Gotta love the septics.

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James Woods demands $10m from Twitter troll for 'coke addict' claim

Sarah Balfour

Meanwhile, in the UK…

Claim a Tory peer's a coke-snorter and ya better have the dough for a fucking good brief.

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Sarah Balfour

Re: He should be ashamed

Or the Tories (which, these days, is pretty much the same thing).

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Amazon threatens UK with James Blunt, muscles into music streaming

Sarah Balfour

Downloaded app…

threw a dozen bands at it, couldn't find any of 'em, deleted.

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Happy 30th anniversary, Tengen! Your anti-DRM NES chip fought the law, and the law won

Sarah Balfour

I've never owned a console…

…nor has my sister, so the reason as to why there's a Jaguar in the loft shall forever remain a mystery. There's also an Atari computer, I had Amigas. I also had every single issue of Amiga Action, complete with cover discs, till my dear mama decided they were junk, and chucked 'em without even ASKING. No sense of nostalgia, my mother. She could've ASKED FIRST!

My cousins still have all theirs, except for a MegaDrive which was sold to help fund the purchase of an N64.

The games never interested me, I had a mild, passing interest in Zelda, but that was about it, my cousins have every Mario Bros game ever made. I was going to say I don't like games where death happens, but I was text adventuring in the '80s, finished every Zork, the only Amiga TA I never finished was Planetfall.

I do apologise for this slight detour. As you were…

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Acer Revo One RL85: A pint-sized PC for the snug

Sarah Balfour

Re: Moving "users" folder

Adam Ant…?! Oh please - I sincerely hope you're being ironic…

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German army fights underground Nazi war machine hidden in Kiel pensioner's cellar

Sarah Balfour

Article says he was in his 70s, which would mean he'd have been born between 1936 and 1945, I know desperation began to set in towards the end of the war, but I didn't think the Germans took to recruiting from primary schools!

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British spooks wave through Samsung S6 mobes for UK govt bods

Sarah Balfour
FAIL

Re: Meh

That's RONSEAL you numpty!

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Evil computers sense you’re in a hurry and mess with your head

Sarah Balfour

Re: @Alistair Dabbs, re Charities.

Many of the larger 'charities' have CEOs & directors being paid at least 6 figures. If I give to charity these days, it won't to be one of the massive ones, because I'm convinced that my 'donation' will end up in the CEO's bank account. The CEO of CRUK (a 'charity' for which I have zero time, I'm convinced it's a quango these days) took home a similar salary to most top wank… er bankers last year. Why the fuck should I fund that…?!

You could always send a demand straight to the CEO - find out his annual salary and demand a decent percentage.

Talking of people being paid for doing next to fuck all, the local ice cream van has switched to playing the MOTD theme. Prior to that it was The Birdie Song. I fucking HATE football!

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