* Posts by Sarah Balfour

78 posts • joined 14 Apr 2007

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Cook: Don't panic, Apple fans, I will FILL the ACHING VOID inside you in April

Sarah Balfour

I've never gone 'Droid, coz I SWEAR the bot's pulling a Nazi salute. Also, the trouble with 'Droid is that cans don't tend to function properly, in that the only button which tends to function is play/pause, and that's kind of a deal-breaker for me.

That said, I don't think much of Appe's 'oleophobic coating' - doesn't matter HOW clean my hands are, it's completely smeared-up within 5 minutes! Oh and I DO WISH it would quit reminding me that I've not signed up for a data plan yet! It's getting more and more frequent. Read on some fora that cell can be switched off, but there's no option, that I can find, on a UK iPad. Seems to be a US-only thing. I bought a wifi + cell model because there could be a need for 4G access at some point, and I'm not able to get a contract (and I'd not want one if I could).

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Slough isn't fit for humans now, says Amazon. We're going to Shoreditch

Sarah Balfour

Re: SLOUGH - if despond - easily the worst place in Buckinghamshire ... or anywhere?

Yep, late to the party as usual. I didn't see this until 20 mins ago…

If you think Slough is in Buckinghamshire, I'm going to hazard a guess you're in Berkshire and it's just wishful thinking.

My parents have an SL postcode; the local Townswomen's Guild and WI spent years lobbying the council to have GX reassigned to HP, that way it would be in the same area as Beaconsfield, currently the most desirable place to live in the country (according to the Torygraph).

The people I feel most sorry for are the residents of Fulmer, what was once a picturesque village is gradually being swallowed up by the industrial leviathan that is Slough. It now has to endure massive juggernauts hurtling through as they come off whichever bypass that is (can you tell I don't drive…?)

Not much different to Little Waltham, which is practically a ghost town these days.

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Landlines: The tech that just won't die

Sarah Balfour

Re: I cancelled my landline a couple of years ago.

Vodafone is the spawn of Satan. I was mugged a couple of years ago, and had my, rather expensive, North Face rucksack nicked with just about everything I owned of any value in it. I did everything you're supposed to do; went to the plod, got a crime ref, went to the local Vodafone shop (this all happened in Sheffield), and told them to close my account (or so I thought) after providing them with the crime ref.

I guess it was partly my fault, because I didn't ask the jobsworth to provide me with written confirmation that he'd closed the account, but I'm autistic, I'd just had all my worldly goods nicked, so I wasn't exactly thinking straight.

I somehow got my mother to cancel the direct debit, but for months and months afterwards, we were receiving letters from DCAs and, every time they sent one, the cunts added £100 or so to the total! In the end, I was staring down a bill for almost £3k, which my father ended up paying just to get the fuckers off our backs!

What's their current slogan - 'More Power To You'…? I don't fucking THINK so! I only went with them because, at the time, they were the only MSP to offer a 'non-contract contract', i.e. you still paid monthly, but you weren't tied to any specific length of time.

Then, a few days later, I was walking down Fargate, when I noticed a Vodafone receipt on the ground. On the back was printed: "Proudly Supports The National Autistic Society" - they couldn't have cared less that I was autistic; I was in that shop, trying to sort out not getting whacked with a massive bill, and at least three times I was threatened with having the fuzzies called on me! They didn't, but it was a similar story in Starbucks when I was forced to kip rough one winter. It was well below zero, and I didn't dare try to kip in case, well, that was it. I accidentally fell asleep, and the next thing I knew I was being knocked to the floor by 3, not exactly small, fuzzies. The manager yelled at me, "We don't want your type in here; you're filthy, you stink, you never buy anything and you're bad for business. Regulars won't come in if you scum are, they're afraid they'll get robbed!" It was December, as I recall, and who do Starbucks always support at Crimbo…? Shelter.

Going back to Vodafone, I don't understand WTF Ofcom can't force 'em to quit penalising crime victims; what if I - or anyone - had been seriously injured, spent several weeks in hospital, only to come out to find a £££s bill…? I REALLY don't get the point of having a regulator if it won't (can't?) regulate. It's not just me, it's happened to thousands.

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4Chan man Moot logs off as admin for last time

Sarah Balfour

Re: Ergh

Onions.

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ATTACK of the FLYING MOUNTAIN: 2004 BL86 goes by like a BULLET

Sarah Balfour

Re: greater affects?

Well, the greater EFFECT might be that it could destroy most of the planet, which would AFFECT the population greatly.

Effect = usually a noun, rarely a verb

Affect = usually a verb, rarely a noun

Apologies, but rampant insomnia tends to awaken my inner grammar Nazi.

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Hola HoloLens: Reg man gets face time with Microsoft's holographic headset

Sarah Balfour

Re: MS should do an Apple

What, you mean like the Newton and the Pippin…? Nah, don't remember those at all…

Anyone else not remember 'em…?

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LEAKED: Samsung's iPHONE 6 KILLER... the Samsung Galaxy S6

Sarah Balfour

Wireless charging

I'm sitting here, posting my usual shite, with my iPad (still can't bring myself to call it a 'fondleslab') tethered to its charger. It was plugged in to charge at around half-8 this morning (coz dipshit here forgot to plug it in before she crashed out - which was around 4am), and it's averaging around 4-5% an HOUR, which means, split the difference, and it'll be fully charged by half-6, or 22.5hrs from the start (little less, as it wasn't *completely* dead, think it had summat like 3% left).

Now, I don't know what wattage brick is supplied with phablets (WTF comes up with these portmanteaux…? I refuse to use 'em!), but I'd reckon that a 10W is barely powerful enough to charge an iPhone 6(+), never mind an Air 2 (which is what this is). There's a replacement in the online Apple Store, but it's only 12W, so it seems a complete waste of £20/£25 or whatever it is.

Read somewhere that MS's next Surface range will use photon charging; sounds incredibly sexy, but how's it gonna be implemented - will the 'lid' double as a solar panel…? Will there be some kind of a backup battery for days when it's, well, well Britain…?

What about devices that constantly recharge from the energy expended in use…? There'd have to be some kind of a backup system, naturally, but if you're a fairly fast typist (thinking more of tablets, rather than phones, here) it'd keep it ticking over until it's convenient for it to be attached to a power source (or when you're near a convenient wireless charging station).

I'm all for wireless charging a) coz I reckon it'd be a feck sight faster than the almost -24hrs it takes this thing to charge and b) I'd be released from the paltry 4' cable Apple sees fit to supply (and they break continually - or is that just me…? I went through dozens when I had my Touch. No WONDER Apple doesn't want to introduce wireless charging - it's making far too much in replacement tethers!)

Finally, there are ma,y reasons I've never gone 'Droid, compatibility, apps, fear of the unknown, the fact that the bot appears to be Neo-Nazi (seriously. In all the pics I've seen of it, it appears to be pulling a Nazi salute).

ARGH! In the half-hour or so it's taken to type this, the meter has advanced by 1%. Only get around 3hrs out of a full charge, too (and that's if everything that can be switched off, is and the screen is dimmed to the point where it's barely discernible) but that was a bug introduced in 8.1. Good job I don't want to leave the house with the fecking thing, innit…?!

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Facebook is MORE IMPORTANT to humanity than PORTUGAL

Sarah Balfour

At least you're able to differentiate between the Web and the Internet. When the W3 turned 20, there were hundreds of 'Happy Birthday Internet!' posts in my Fuckberk and Twatter feeds (neither of which I use anymore) many from folk well old enough to recall a time before the Web existed. My gentle admonition that it was the WEB that was 20, NOT the Internet was either met with me being blasted for being a fucking pedant, or variations on a theme of "Same thing, innit…?" The Google Doodle even linked to a page chronicling the history of the W3 (forget where, probably just Wikipedia) told 'em to read that and they STILL didn't understand the difference. Web: software, Internet: hardware - I really fail to see what's so difficult to grasp about that…

I'm surrounded by idiots, imbeciles and ignoramuses.

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SCIENTIFIC CONSENSUS that 2014 was record HOTTEST year? NO

Sarah Balfour

Well, I've no clue one way or t'other…

…but I don't think it's normally necessary to be needing to break out the wasp/mozzie repellant in December, is it…?!

Last Crimbo, I awoke with several large (felt the size of a 1p coin) bites on me arse, and several more at the back of my left knee.

November the previous year, whilst my parents were visiting friends in Port Elizabeth, ZA, for a month, I awoke to a swarm of extremely angry wasps on the landing. That was a real problem, because I'm allergic. Thankfully, one of Dad's golf mates contracts for Rentokil - fuck knows how they got in, he couldn't find anywhere; we've had nests in the loft before (there's a hole in the pebble dash, just above my bedroom window, which I wanted him to get the builders to fill in when they were having the kitchen/garage extension built, but he didn't). Anyway, the only nest in the roof was an old one.

All very strange…

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'If you see a stylus, they BLEW it' – Steve Jobs. REMEMBER, Apple?

Sarah Balfour

Re: Stylus on Apple devices?

Is Elon Musk the nutjob who's obsessed with finding a cure for death…? Okay, perhaps 'nutjob' is a tad unfair, but I swear I recall reading an interview where he said he planned on living forever, and that he couldn't understand why anyone would want to die.

Perhaps that's why his girlfriends keep getting younger and younger, he's looking for the 'gene of youth'.

On second thoughts, perhaps nutjob isn't too harsh, isn't his ex-wife dragging him through the courts for being a complete controlling cunt who occasionally lets his fists do the talking in his mouth doesn't get the message across…?

Reckon he won't ever get to 'forever'…

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Kiss your Glass goodbye: Google mothballs techno-specs (for now)

Sarah Balfour

You'd have thought that…

…with all these supposed brains floating about, Google might have totally reinvented the search engine, keyword search is aggravating - it plain doesn't fucking WORK!

As for Google Maps which, as someone who could get lost in her own house, it's invaluable - or it would be, if I had an iPhone, rather than an iPad (didn't think the former could be purchased sans contract, and no MSP is gonna give a contract to someone on benefits with a zero credit rating - not even Vodafone). The irony is that Google's always so keen to boast about how up-to-date its mapping is, but the area around the station in my parents' hometown hasn't been mapped since 2008; if ONLY they'd not mapped it since 2005/6, then t could have been immortalised (well 'semi-immortalised', if such a thing can be, Google's BOUND to realise at some point…) before Tesco swung a wrecking ball at it.

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'F*** you', exclaims Google Translate app, politely

Sarah Balfour

Untranslatables

As someone who's attempting to improve their German (and on the verge of declaring war) love to know how it'd cope withe the many words/idioms which have no English equivalent (and vice versa). Of course, I can't think of any off the top of my head. Not to mention accents; I'm originally from Sheffield, though I've been living in Tory land for over 30 years, but I'm still told that I'm occasionally unintelligible (or is that unintelligent…?). Is there anyone outside of Georditoonia who can understand a fucking word they say…?!

And I'm not surprised Man U were shite under Moyes, nobody could understand HIM, either! The problem I can foresee, wot with Google being Yank an' all, is that they'll think everyone has Received Pronunciation and, if ya don't sound like Betty or Chaz, ya pretty much SoL.

Has this thing gone fully live yet…? Will there be an optional BabblePished add-on…? Coz ordering a taxi at 6pm is one thing, but what about at 2am when the bars chuck out…? Fuck know where you'll end up…?! "Take me to my hotel" could turn out as "Take me to a brothel" and, in some parts of the world, you could wind up rather not alive…

I'll give it to the end of the summer, when everyone's taken it on their hollies and found it to be somewhat lacking…

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Professor's BEAGLE lost for 10 years FOUND ON MARS

Sarah Balfour

Re: They don't have starbucks

Why the fuck was this downvoted?! Here, have another upvote, some folks clearly have no sense (of humour).

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Disney, McLaren and National Rail walk into bar: Barkeep, make me a Wearable

Sarah Balfour

Re: Atos?

The very same. I got lucky, many poor fuckers didn't. Atos staff weren't the ones to blame, most were only there coz it was the only work they could get, many left when their consciences couldn't take any more.

IDS has always nauntained there are no targets but, then IDS wouldn't know the truth if it fucked him. Employees were allowed to spend just THREE MINUTES with each claimant, and expected to work a 10-hour day. The BARE MINIMUM was to fail 85% per day, didn't matter if they had terminal cancer, MS or depression. One advisor walked out when her manager told her to "Get nasty" because she wasn't failing enough people. She was "off-target" by about 30% as I recall. She'd been wanting to leave, anyway, but she really couldn't afford to but, when her manager told her he would fire her if she didn't step up the failure rate, she found the courage to leave.

I'd like to invent summat that would render IDS unintelligible every time he told a lie (which would pretty much mean nobody could understand a word he said).

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Boybanders ONE DIRECTION launch DoS attack on open-source bods

Sarah Balfour

Re: Babymetal

I thought they werer assembled for the Japanese version of X Pop Factor Idol. The scary thing is that they were put together in 2009 when the youngest was only 8 or 9 - what does that say about Japanese parents…?! I know Oriental kids can be spremely gifted (when I was at school, there were 3 half-Chinese girls (they were all still in the prep when I left). I can't recall what the eldest played, but the middle one was a concert-level violinist; the youngest, Jasmine, was the reason I quit piano - it was embarrassing struggling through Grade 4/5, when there's a four-year-old in the room next-door about to sit her Diploma! HTF she managed octave chords (I never could, and my hands are very small but hers were tiny even for a 4-year-old).

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Bono apologises for iTunes album dump

Sarah Balfour

Re: Vote

Aren't we forgetting someone…? As much as I loathe Bono, I don't believe he's ever declared that "People who eat meat are worse than those who rape children" or "if Jamie Oliver loves meat so much, why doesn't he roast his kids…?!"

I don't think I need name names for the reason that even typing his initials makes me want to commit acts of extreme violence against inanimate objects. As far as I'm concerned, he's been an irrelevance since at least 1984 (if not earlier).

He's threatening another album this year - he needs to be stopped! Beginning to think the cancer was just a rouse to get the world to feel sorry for him (though he's Veganist. Jobs was Veganist. I believe that disease only occurs when you fuck around with your genetic dietary blueprint (the fact the UK is world's second fattest nation should be testament to that). Jobs had pancreatic cancer, the spread of which was likely aided and abetted by his 100% carb diet. Vegans have lowered immunity, and a compromised immune system, due to the lack of distinct lack of nutrition ins vegan diet (humans can survive without plants, but we CANNOT survive without meat, or at least not in good health)).

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Acer to unveil a 15.6-INCH Chromebook WHOPPER at CES

Sarah Balfour

Re: @Jay 2

Meanwhile, back in the RealWorld, there are still people who prefer NOT to have everything stuck in cloud land, for the simple reasons that a) they're a tad stuck should the network and/or net connection happen to fail and b) local feels a tad more secure.

Cloud storage is all well and good, but it's got a fair way to go before I'd feel comfy entrusting anything valuable to it. It's useful for storing a backup, in case misfortune should befall the original but as a sole means of storage…? Haven't there been enough hacking attempts recently to convince you that it's not such a clever idea…?

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Sony-blasting Lizard Squad suspects quizzed by UK and Finnish cops

Sarah Balfour

Re: Once upon a time....

This is why I'm glad we don't have the gun laws 'Murica does. From what I gather, it's perfectly legal to give ACTUAL WORKING GUNS to nursery-age kids in some states. There was a documentary on BBC3 a while back called sumnat like 'The Real Rednecks' or 'The Real Hillbillies'; I never saw it, admittedly, but I read the 'last week on TV' blurb in the Torygraph telly paper, which I really wish I'd kept now,, and apparently a 4-year-old lass had been given an actual gun for Crimbo (pink, purple, and sparkly, natch) with a tag that read "Now you can come moose shooting with Daddy, Princess". Not forgetting the 8-year-old who accidentally killed her gun instructor. Kids can't handle the report on any gun more powerful than a Nerf gun.

And, without wishing to take this any further off-topic, how many school massacres have there been in the UK in the past 20 years…? I can only recall one (Dunblane). And how many school massacres have there been in the UK carried out by pupils (current or former)? I can't recall any (but my head is kinda broken at the mo). Whatever you think of America's gun laws, you can't argue with facts.

There's summat inherently wrong about a country which thinks it's okay to give firearms to kids.

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El Reg's festive dating app guide, Pt. 2: The FEMALE perspective

Sarah Balfour

Re: They will fall in love with the hair in your ears and your snaggle teeth

I HAVE eaten stuff from skips - been arrested several times for it, too. Seems one man's trash is another man's £50 fine and 100 hours of community service.

I was homeless and starving - much of the stuff supermarkets chuck is very much still edible, it's only petty EU regulations which prohibit it from still being on sale. How DID we survive before 'best before' and 'use by' dates…?! It's a wonder there's anyone still left alive!

M&S and Waitrose provided the richest (in every sense) pickings, as would probably be expected (smoked salmon, smoked rainbow trout, mackerel fillets, pâté (chicken liver, smoked salmon, mackerel, mushroom, de fois gras (that went straight back - I was shocked that either were selling it!), plenty of fruit and dairy). Tesco wasn't worth bothering with, Sainsbury's wasn't bad. Used to get a lot of sarnies from Sainsbury's because it was only a Local; I don't eat bread myself, but I had plenty of takers.

There were places where the fuzz turned a blind eye - yep, plod with consciences DO exist (apologies to any who might be reading this, but my experience with plod, on the whole, ain't been good to say the least).

Shouldn't be a crime anyway; it's been thrown out so, presumably, the thrower didn't want it anymore which, to my mind, makes it fair game. Why arrest someone for being hungry…?

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Mysterious STAR set to appear on Christmas Eve above Blighty: The ISS

Sarah Balfour

Late as always…

I'd like to point out that the bible makes no reference to there ever being THREE Magi; the quote is (if I recall correctly - I'm an atheist, haven't owned one since school, over 25 years ago) "And then came there men from the East, bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, with which to honour the new king…". Three gifts doesn't necessarily equal three givers.

I've never understood this "Oriental is offensive" thing; I get confused when I read articles on American sites and they use 'Asian' to refer to the Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, or Koreans (yes, I'm VERY easily confused (or 'confuzzled' as my grandad used to say)) coz they ain't Asian. Asians are everybody else (Indians, Sri Lankans, Thai, Pakistani, Afghan, etc.).

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Blackpool hotel 'fines' couple £100 for crap TripAdvisor review

Sarah Balfour

Re: Blackpool

One word: - Rebellion. Shame it's making a bitter irony of the core ideals for which punk once stood these days. When I first learnt of its existence my immediate reaction was "Who the fuck thought that BLACKPOOL would be an ideal location for a festival - punk or otherwise…?!"

There are very few places which vie with Blackpool for the title of Shitesville-on-Sea, but Wrexham and Rhyl are worse - even Llandudno is going the same way. I had the misfortune to stay in a B&B im Rhyl a few years ago, and I had a peridot and amethyst pendant half-inched from my room whilst I was in the shower (the bathrooms were down the landing, none of the rooms were en-suite). It had no value, other than sentimental (it was my nan's) - but that's hardly the point. The cleaner insisted I was mistaken, and I'd not left it in my room, but in the bathroom and one of the other guests had taken it, and she made a great show of going round knocking on doors but, whilst she was doing this, I'd clocked the position of the CCTV camera, the perfect location for staff to see all rooms at once - and keycards make theft feckloads easier; pile of blanks - oh, look, Room 8's gone for a shower, program a card, go to room take what you like, chuck card.

I didn't bother reporting it because I'd been robbed twice prior to that; once from a room in a homeless hostel (the landlord refused to fix the door, or move me) and the second time I was mugged. In both instances, *I* was charged with falsifying a crime and wasting plod time - why…? I'm autistic and was very vague on details because my brain isn't wired like that and, I've found that, to many (NHS, plod, social services…) autistic = attention-seeking liar. I've been accused of faking crime, feigning illness - I HATE cop shops and A&Es - they TERRIFY me; I've been confined to bed for over 3 YEARS because I refuse to deal with the NHS, I simply don't trust it anymore. To be perfectly honest, I don't get humanity - I'm convinced I can't be human because I can't relate to anyone else. I won't regale you with the time GMP decided to kick me swede in at the royal infirmary in Manchester (I think it's a tale I've told at least once before, anyway). I have now decided I'd have to be dead before darkening the doors of either again!

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LIFE, JIM? Comet probot lander found 'ORGANICS' on far-off iceball

Sarah Balfour

Re: @dan1980

I'm fairly open-minded - so if Darwinian theory's also a crock o' monkey bollocks, then what's the alternative - intergalactic space lizards…?!

I've never really accepted Darwin as definitive, just as the best we've come up with thus far, kinda deal. If there's summat more plausible, I'd like to hear about it.

As an aside, I learnt about the book of Urantia yesterday, on one of my Wikipedia wanderings, have to say I'd never come across it before. Appears to be some kind of a middle ground, i.e. scientific theory acceptable to at least SOME of the sky-fairy fuckwits.

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Applelutely fappulous: Fashionistas bow down before the JESUS PHONE

Sarah Balfour

Re: Everyone's cool

…same as the Old Cool.

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Sarah Balfour

Re: Every year the same thing

Herpes? Gonorrhoea? Chlamydia?

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Sarah Balfour

Re: Crossed wires?

Trev here reminds me of someone - let's call him Mr. Kettle - someone who used to be a regular contributor to these fora, and an individual I had the misfortune to know in real life.

Longstanding contributors may know of whom I speak… don't wish to say too much lest it encourages it to crawl out from whatever pit it is in which it currently resides (inhabits?).

Spaketh ye not the Nayme of the Beaste, lest thy rouse it from its eternal slumber.

(I believe you have to chant it thrice, on the eve of the Midwinter Full Moon, whilst offering a sacrifice of 13 virginal maidens (I know it should be 666, but it's getting harder and harder to locate chaste young women these days - even 66 was a real struggle… they starts off Maids of Honour…).

Now I must be away, for I fear I have been too indiscreet, I fear my wagging tongue will be the undoing of us all!

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Amazon axes hated Fire Phone price: 99 pennies but a niche? Ain't none

Sarah Balfour

Re: "Hated"? I do not honestly think that the public invested any strong emotions...

"Disinterest"…? Is impossible to be disinterested when there's only one party. Methinks you mean 'UNinterested' - 'DISinterested' means 'impartiality'.

Oh and we don't spell 'magazine' with an 's' here.

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Sarah Balfour

Re: UK pricing of fire

The Amazon Fire - for folk with money to burn.

The Amazon Fire - there's no escape…

Not the best, but I'm very tired, only not in a 'I need to crash' way, more of a 'so weak I can barely breathe, never mind stand' way. I'm 95% convinced I've Graves' disease (or hyperthyroidism in some form) but the useless NHS test says my thyroid's in 100% tippety-top condition, working perfectly! That's cos it only measures TSH, and abnormal TSH only accounts for around 10% of malfunctioning thyroids.

I've had it with the NHS - this country doesn't HAVE a healthcare service. D'ya know what the NHS's only solution to hyperthyroidism is…?! Destroying it. If radioactive iodine don't do it, they simply rip it out yer neck. The NHS is FAR TOO FOND of ripping bits out - it doesn't CURE anything. That's not a CURE, cos you're now dependent on artificial thyroxine forever.

Okay, I'm done. I HATE the NHS.

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Sarah Balfour

Re: Abandon ship!

Fork…fire - anyone got any marshmallows…? How's about bread…? Crumpets? Muffins? Pikelets? Teacakes? Hot cross buns? Waffles?

Talking of waffle, I'll shut up now… I know most of you don't understand how my mind works (much if the time, even *I* don't understand how it works… or even IF it works…)

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Don't buy that phone! It ATTRACTS CRIMINALS, UK.gov will tell people

Sarah Balfour

Re: And meanwhile in the real world

Due to the previous comment, my brain automatically blanked out 'is' in the opening sentence.

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London cops cuff 20-year-old man for unblocking blocked websites

Sarah Balfour

Re: Jolly good work.

Does anyone recall the BPI's 'Home Taping Is Killing Music!', campaign sometime in the 'early '80s…? It was the primary reason for DJs talking over the ends of tracks (except Peel, as I recall, who was vehemently anti the BPI).

Now, I don't know much about the film industry but, as far as the music biz goes, many artists are PRO 'piracy', particularly in the US. Up until a couple of years ago, there was a band called Bomb The Music Industry!, founded by Jeff Rosenthal (a well-known figure in cult punk circles) which made ALL its recordings available for free download (though you could make a donation if you so desired). NOFX frontman, and owner of Fat Wreck Chords, 'Fat' Mike Burkett, has not only taken the RIAA to court several times (and won every time) over FWC's name being on the RIAA's books. Apparently, the RIAA simply re-added it, but altered the spelling (Fat Records, Phat Records, Fat Wreck Cords, etc.). Burkett has also been known to pay the fines of anyone convicted of 'illegally' downloading music belonging to any artist on FWC's roster.

99% - if not 100% - of the time, 'anti-piracy' has fuck all to do wth protecting the artists - and everything to do with ensuring the suits get their big, fat cheques. Trent Reznor has been known to ENCOURAGE the downloading of anything he's been involved with, just to piss off the suits. I've several NIN LPs - and I've only ever paid for a couple. Graham Crabb once told me I could download PWEI's new one if I couldn't afford it.

Most artists feel that anti-piracy legislation stifles them because it hands too much control over to the labels, and they lose control over what is THEIR intellectual property, after all…

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Simian selfie stupidity: Macaque snap sparks Wikipedia copyright row

Sarah Balfour

Give 1,000 monkeys, 1,000 cameras…

…how long will it take them to, err…

Nope, can't finish that - I've gibbon up…

(I'm not well, please don't expect sparkling wit and intellect…).

But it does raise an interesting question: - if a higher ape, say a chimp, can be taught basic photographic techniques, and then he goes off on a shooting spree, who owns the copyright then…? If the camera has EXIF data which shows the camera to belong to the ape, then what…? Is he treated like a minor and his tutor as his 'parent'…? I'm no legal expert (as is probably evident) but don't kids have some right of ownership…? What if your 7-year-old was an aspiring Bailey, surely he'd own the copyright because he took the pics…?

Or could it be argued that the chimp was simply aping his tutor…? (Sorry!).

By the way, speaking of the Librarian, has anyone seen Paul Kidby's 'Ookbench'…? I forget where it is now, I BELIEVE it's somewhere around the British Museum. There were a number of artists commissioned to paint literary themed 'bookbenches' - I forget what the reason was (must have been summat to do with the British Library). There's a website with photos somewhere (probably not taken by non-human primates). I remember Peter Pan, Alice, Lovecraft, Tolkien, Wind In The Willows (that was down by the river somewhere, obviously, along with Alice). There were at least 30 in all, installed all over London. They were due to be auctioned for charity at some juncture, so they may no longer be around…).

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Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

Sarah Balfour

Re: Errrr?

Hey Alison! ;oP

It's the Grammar Gestapo here; "…WHO people invite to parties", if you're using the pronoun as the subject of the sentence, it's 'who', 'whom' is objective, very often used to avoid the generally-accepted-as-being-poor-grammatical-form of ending a sentence with a preposition.

In this instance, the pronoun is referring to you, you are the subject, therefore the correct form is 'who'.

This is one of myriad reasons why I'm Belinda No-Mates…

As for surnames I have, at various points in my life, been referred to as 'Balfar', 'Balfa', 'Belfast', 'Belfart' and, I kid you not, 'Belchfart'.

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Man FOUND ON MOON denies lunar alien interface

Sarah Balfour

I don't really watch movies. Think the last one I saw was Shaun of The Dead (and then I only saw half of it). Prior to THAT, fuck knows… the only one I can recall with any clarity is Big - and that was almost 30 years ago!

I don't have the attention span anymore. Most toddlers concentrate on things for longer than I can…

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Sarah Balfour

Re: A biff from Buzz

Don't forget that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten…

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Sarah Balfour

Re: @Ross K

Look, Ross, it's VERY simple: - All we want from you is a selfie of you with the Almighty. As you're so pally with him, shouldn't be too difficult…

Now, go and listen to XTC's 'Dear God' and STFU.

I DO note, however, he's not yet resorted to the creationist classic "Well, gravity is just a theory too!", so I've not been able to tell him to go throw himself out the nearest window.

Ross, mate, GIVE IT UP; this is a science and tech forum, how you thought you were going to find any allies here I've really not the foggiest.

Think on this: - if we were made by god, how do we KNOW about it….? I see no EVIDENCE; I mean most artists sign their work - I've checked and I can't see a label reading 'Made By God' anywhere on me - how's about you.

Religion is simply a tool created by humankind to explain that which they cannot comprehend. Stops things being overwhelmingly scary, y'know. I actually have zero problem with religion per se, it's when it starts to get in the way of actual FACTS that I begin to take issue.

For all your denials, you can't deny the facts. The word 'science' simply means 'knowledge' and in Shakespeare's day it was used as a synonym for knowledge. It's only comparatively recently it's come to have its present meaning.

Y'see, 'creation science' is a oxymoron because it requires the acceptance of a supernatural being as fact; theology, on the other hand, IS a science, because it teaches fact. I find theology infinitely fascinating - but I'm still an atheist.

People can BELIEVE whatever the fuck they like (I believe I'm a millionaire, even though I'm skint), but BELIEF in something and it actually BEING true are two quite different things…

"When you state something as fact, be certain it is actually true, and not an opinion, or belief, you'd desperately like to be true…" - Neil de Grasse Tyson (slightly paraphrased).

Like I say, I've no problem with religion, provided someone doesn't use THEIR beliefs to run MY life (nor anyone else's for that matter…).

Okay, incoherent rant over. I'm off to sacrifice a kid (of the caprine variety) to my Lord and Master the Almighty Anchovius, the fish-headed god of the planet Dominihut, a flat world whose topography is constantly changing. With it being a Sunday, it's Hawaiian.

Why a kid…? Well, being a 4" high fish, Anchovius has had problems being taken seriously; he's trying goats because they seem to work for other gods…

He used to be known as Carpatius, but people stopped believing in him, and due to the fact that his main followers were the Nepalese fish people but, as Nepal is landlocked, it's suspected they probably never existed.

I just feel sorry for him…

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Sarah Balfour

Sunday…? Thought that was his day off…? I'm assuming the OP is a Yank, because we Brits - most of us - REALLY aren't daft enough to believe in creationism - sorry, creation SCIENCE - are we…?

I'm not a huge fan of Ricky Gervais, but I do find his anti-creationist set rather funny "So god created heaven and Earth in the DARK - how COOL is THAT…?!"

One day, I think I'll write a book entitled "If People Evolved From Monkies [sic] How Come There Is Still Monkies…? And Other Creationist Bullshit". Another seems to be (and I'd like to think it's a troll, but you can never tell with Creationists) is "if evolution is true, then why haven't fish become tigers…?" Or "why haven't people got wings yet…?" I've even seen "if evolution is true, then why do gay people exist… ?"

And now we've creationist schools over here, we seem to slowly be cementing our status as America's 51st state…

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Journal that published Facebook emoto-furtle study: Proper boffins get CONSENT

Sarah Balfour

Re: The Register has slipped!

"General high standard"…?! I point the honourable gentleman in the direction of Mr. Haines's pieces, most of which are utter bilge (it's not really his fault, to be fair, most of what he writes is on health topics, and he's only regurgitating the sewage spewed by the NHS. Still, he could do better - or, to be honest, SOME research, a 5-minute Google search would throw up myriad articles which prove that the NHS wouldn't know 'healthy' if it tripped over it! The more I read, the more I become utterly convinced that the UK doesn't HAVE a health service - it probably never has - all it's got is a 'keeping-folk-not-sick-by-giving-them-appallingly-bad-dietary-advice-so-Big-Pharma-can-milk-'em-dry' service, aka the sales and distribution arm of Big Pharma Worldwide, plc. Oh, and if they DON'T believe they're getting their money's worth out of you, they stick ya on statins - if ya weren't sick before, you will be after taking those for a year - soon you'll be popping so many pills you won't have much time for anything else! Oh and if your quack tells you they prevent CHD and stroke, that's marketing spiel, they don't - they cause them. Or significantly increase your risk of suffering one and/or the other, at any rate. Why…? Because it's HDL which caused an increase in overall cholesterol and statins lower overall by lowering HDL, just like those trans-fat and O6-laden spreads do. We NEED cholesterol - without it, we die. The research which 'proved' it caused CHD was conducted on herbivores which CANNOT process it. Oh yeah, they fed it to some dogs too, but there were only 2 of them and they didn't die, so they were deemed an anomaly).

That's the problem with El Reg, it doesn't really do its homework; when it comes to matters of health, Reg, I expect FAR better than just a regurgitation of the standard NHS BS.

I sent you an email on the subject. You ignored it. If this were a paper mag, this would be the point where I'd be informing your subs dept that I no longer wished to continue.

I really DO expect better in future…

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USB charger is prime suspect in death of Australian woman

Sarah Balfour

Been the opposite case for me; I've had THREE genuine Apple, bought from a physical Apple Store, chargers blow up - I've now got 2 iDevices happily charging on no-name generics, which have been problem-free for >2 years.

Apple makes overpriced shite; I'm typing this on a 5th gen Touch, which is well out of AppleCare; due to the 'style over substance' way these things are manufactured, for the past year the screen has been parting company with the backplate, the resulting gap now being around 3mm or so - wife enough to slide a thumbnail into - and, in order to force it to charge - and to prevent the Home button falling out - I've a hair elastic round the base. If I didn't it'd be complaint that "this charger isn't certified…" - even though this iPod is using a genuine Apple charger - which hasn't exploded. Yet.

My old 4th gen on the other hand, has been subjected to some unspeakable abuses - including being dropped down the bog. Twice - and there's nary a scratch on it.

If there was another company which produced summat like an iPod, I'd never buy from Apple again. Even Apple appears to be considering dropping it…

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Devs: Fancy a job teaching Siri to speak the Queen's English?

Sarah Balfour

Gaelic - would that be Welsh, Irish, Scots, Manx, or Cornish…?

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100% driverless Wonka-wagon toy cars? Oh Google, you're having a laugh

Sarah Balfour

Re: Put it on the Autobahn, then

I'm assuming by 'spellchecker' you're referring to yourself, yes…? An automated spellchecker will only pick up obvious misspellings, it ain't gonna identify where the numptie operating the computer has substituted a homonym for the correct word.

Personally, I believe it's bad practice to rely on spell/grammar checkers, you should learn to proofread your work; an automated tool is no substitute for a human brain, it can't know that you've used the wrong word, all it can do is check spellings according to its internal dictionary. At most newspapers - the ones worth bothering with, at least - mags et al, Word (or the WP of choice) is 'locked down' so that the spelling and grammar checkers CANNOT be turned on, and the journo must learn to proofread his/her copy.

But, if English isn't your native tongue, I'll let you off with a warning… ;oD

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Urinating teen polluted 57 Olympic-sized swimming pools - cops

Sarah Balfour

Re: Crime and Punishment

Unless you're in a shopping centre on a Saturday…

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All men are part of a PURE GENETIC ELITE, says geno-science bloke

Sarah Balfour

Re: AC Could read it both ways.....

Most blokes I know do - every fucking weekend during the footie/rugger/cricket season(s)… Pre Match Tension and, if they lost, Post Match Tantrum… not to mention Ref Rage/Ump Hump…

This is the reason I'm currently single (and remaining so…). When my uncle's watching Yorkshire - and they're losing - it's like being in the same room as Geoff Boycott (only with MUCH choicer language…).

After what WE have to put up with from some of you, the fact that you have to cope with us getting a bit tetchy once a month…

I REALLY don't think you've any right to complain…

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Report: Apple seeking to raise iPhone 6 price by a HUNDRED BUCKS

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Broadband Secretary of SHEEP sensationally quits Cabinet

Sarah Balfour

It WASN'T £45k she nicked…

That was simply the amount she was originally ordered to repay. The actual FRAUD was closer to £100k. She's actually been allowed to keep £49,200 but, with her £20k or so handshake, we actually GAVE her another £14,200 - it's WIN, WIN, WIN! Oh and let's not forget the profit she made on the sale of her 2nd home (the one we - well not ME, I'm a filthy workshy scrounger, me - paid her mortgage on). The property sold for £1.2m, I forget what she made on the deal, but it was quite substantial. She even transferred ownership of that property to avoid CGT.

Osbourne is guilty of doing EXACTLY the same; he transferred the mortgage on his 2nd property to an outfit owned - or partially owned, at least - by an old chum, who gave him a stupidly-low rate of something like 1.5 or 2%. He's also defrauded the taxpayer of a similar amount but, in Gidiot's case, he can legitimately plead stupidity as he's never passed a maths exam in his LIFE!

I actually favour Trial by Gunge; Graham Norton's tipping red chair, one of Edmonds's gunge tanks and a panel of taxpayers. MP forced into chair and obliged to disclose everything for which they want to claim. Selected taxpayer pushes a remote button, MP falls backwards into gunge tank. I figure that, once they've had a few Savile Row suits and Jermyn Street shirts ruined - or wherever the females get their togs (I bet you anything it won't be M&S!) it'll learn 'em…

Of course the taxpayer probably paid for those in the first place - but at least it'll act as a deterrent to prevent claims for any MORE (same goes for under-crackers, IDS…).

The new 'culture and equalities' incumbent is Sajid Javid; he thinks that ticket-touts are "opportunistic entrepreneurs" and he voted AGAINST the Equal Marriage Bill. He's also another Tory Boy, declaring himself a fan of The Maggot before he was out of primary school!

In other news, Cameron now believes he's Jesus, claiming that his 'Big Society' BS was directly inspired by JC…

All together now… "He's NOT the messiah, he's a VERY naughty boy!"

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Brit game devs WILL get tax relief for, er, EastEnders Game and Legend of Slough

Sarah Balfour

Operation Greendale

Pat fights to keep himself in a job, whilst simultaneously fighting to keep the Greendale PO open in the wake of savage govt cuts… and saving Ted from being put out to pasture by savage cuts to EU subsidies and Tesco price cuts.

A Red Dwarf adventure game would be good. Or how's about one of those promotion-type sims based at the Daily Mail…? You're awarded points for outrageous celeb paps, totally fabricated stories, all the while trying to keep from being sued. Or you're Clarkson, attempting to get away with offending as many types of people as possible, without landing the Beeb with - yet another (multi) million-quid lawsuit and, therefore keeping your job.

Brain isn't functioning today, so I'm not able to come up with much…

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Whitehall and Microsoft thrashing out 1-year NHS WinXP lifeline

Sarah Balfour

Re: Funding

Taking the HS out of it too, would be an excellent idea - the NHS doesn't give a flying fuck about your health. Okay, if you're hurt in an accident, then fine, but on a general, day-to-day basis…? It's just the UK sales and distribution arm of Big Pharma Worldwide, plc. Your GP is nowt more than a sales rep, need students are STILL being taught myths which were thoroughly debunked, discredited and exploded in the early/mid-'80s, as fact, and the NHS REFUSES to alter its dietary policy, despite OVERWHELMING evidence that it's WRONG.

I'm sorry, but the NHS is NOT a 'health service'; it MAY have been at some point, but it sure as hell ain't now.

If there's anyone here on statins, you'll want to read this: - http://www.drmalcolmkendrick.org. Still think avoiding fat is healthy…? Read this: - http://www.dietdoctor.com/FAQ.

I don't trust the NHS anymore. Neither should you…

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NSA's TURBINE robot can pump 'malware into MILLIONS of PCs'

Sarah Balfour

Re: I invite the US and the other 5 eyes partners...

Nah, 6 - Babes (blokes), Beaches, Booze, Beer, Bacon and a Bong (or several) - can't do without my MJ! I

Actually, scratch that, just gimme a beach, a BBQ, Bacon and the Bong(s). Oh wait a BoomBox too, this party needs tunes, right…?!

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Sarah Balfour

Re: I invite the US and the other 5 eyes partners...

Nah, 6 - Babes (blokes), Beaches, Booze, Beer, Bacon and Blunts - can't do without my MJ! I

Actually, scratch that, just gimme a beach, a BBQ, Bacon and the Blunts. Oh wait a BoomBox too, this party needs tunes, right…?!

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Five unbelievable headlines that claim Tim Berners-Lee 'INVENTED the INTERNET'

Sarah Balfour

Re: www = internet

No, usually, at least from the techy-support stuff I've done it's "MY Internet's down"; what, you have your own personal Internet now…?! This article validates my pedantry; the number of times I've corrected folk and got "Same thing, innit…?!" I've tried to analogise by saying that calling the WWW 'the Internet' is like calling Windows 'your computer', but they NEVER seem to get it… You'd have thought that, with most of 'em being able to recall a time prior to the WWW's existence, they'd be a little more savvy. My father's been working in tech on-and-off for much of his working life (though never in a 'techy' capacity (he's an accountant by training, and did a lot of work for Sinclair and Prism (the software arm of Sinclair Ltd, for those who don't know, and it's why our loft is an homage to early-mid '80s tech) and I know at least one of the companies he worked for used a BBS (this was back in the days before BBS came to stand for 'Boobs, Beavers and Sex'. Remember all those '0898' premium-rate BBSs that used to be advertised in the classified sections of some computer mags…? I SWEAR I've some old Amiga Actions somewhere with ads for 'PornHub' boards…

"All Your Internet Are Belong To Us"

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Actually, there is an Arapaho word for 'pliers'

Sarah Balfour

Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

I'm sure Mr. Prattchett must have coined one; and, if he hasn't, he'll probably do so soon (Alzheimer's permitting…)

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