* Posts by Sceptic Tank

279 posts • joined 21 May 2008

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One black hole, three galaxies, four BEELION solar masses – found by accident

Sceptic Tank
Paris Hilton

Where did the time go?

This may be a stoopid question. But how do these black holes merge?

Because of the mass time should slow down as they approach each other until it stops completely when their event horizons intersect, won't it? Should it not take infinitely long for their singularities to merge? LIGO results suggest otherwise.

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German lodges todger in 13 steel rings

Sceptic Tank
Thumb Up

Ring of Ice, Ring of Ice ....

So what's his name .. Mr. Richard Head from Ringwood?

Anyway, I suspect that there's a Free Willy joke in there somewhere.

(A ringed bird can still fly. A ring doesn't close a hole, etc., etc.)

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Cisco recalls switches that could short power to the case. And hurt you

Sceptic Tank
Alert

Power corrupts absolutely

These Cisco switches give you a lot of bang for the buck. A case of current technology that puts power at your fingertips.

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Come in Internet Explorers, your time is up. Or not. Up to you

Sceptic Tank
Linux

Grandpa ..... what is Internet Explorer?

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Europe launches search for Einstein's space-time ripples

Sceptic Tank
Meh

Give us a wave

"A low-frequency gravitational wave would cause a 1m bar to move {minuscule distance} to {more minuscule distance}"

But now what do these people hope to find:

About Gravitational Waves.

et

LIGO.

Their instrument is sitting on the ground between the trees and in the desert (or the dessert, I never know). Doesn't look like they have found anything so far. By the size of those instruments I would expect to see the street lights wave around in the space-time ripples.

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Ouch! Subaru telescope catches astroid prang

Sceptic Tank
Alert

Astroids!

Player 2 up!

Insert coin.

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Flying drug mule crashes in Manchester prison

Sceptic Tank
Stop

Ordering a Chinese

Good grief! Are there no honourable people in these prisons anymore? But how big are the openings if you can pull a drone through there?

The president of this country in the south may be interested to know that he can have stuff delivered to his cell because I think he'll be going straight to prison when his term ends.

"It's like ordering a Chinese." ...... is there ANYTHING one cannot order over the 'net anymore?

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How Microsoft will cram Windows 10 even harder down your PC's throat early next year

Sceptic Tank
Megaphone

"Windows 10 already appears as a free "optional" update for some Windows 7 and 8.1 systems, and soon this will be widened to all machines running a genuine copy of Win 7 and 8.1."

Talk about punishment for the innocent. You think you do the right thing by purchasing a license but first they make you, the valued customer, jump through hoops by activating your legal copy of Windows (make <u>you</u> look like a crim) and now they come and force feed this W10 thing down one's orifices.

I'm limited to 3GB data per month after which I start paying "out of bundle rates". I don't live in the States where bandwidth is free and plentiful. Now MS wants to automatically load this and an endless stream of updates to my PC? Any chance of me using MY bandwidth for anything else still?

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RoboVM: Open source? Sorry, it's not working for us

Sceptic Tank
Alert

Fork this!

This looks like a load of Java tripe. No wonder they "received almost no meaningful contributions".

Now, if interest from the community into this Open Source project is already profanely poor, who is going to fork it? Who will contribute in the future?

Where's the "Dead End" icon?

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Mutant space germs threaten International Space Station

Sceptic Tank
IT Angle

Don't touch that .....

Uhm ... so this stuff was found in the air filters? So the filters are working then?

I suppose it depends on which side of the filter it was found.

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'iOS 9 ate my mobile broadband plan'

Sceptic Tank
Stop

Bad Apples

This is nothing new. Let's increase the claim to $7.5m and I'll join the suit with those other two people.

I kept running out of data every month after only two weeks on iOS6 and could not figure out where it was going. Helpful call center person at the telco told me to check the phone's backup settings. Turns out this helpful phone was backing up photo's, chats, and what not without me knowing. My pictures are not Pulitzer Prize material. The world - and I - will live on even if I lose all my pics. Would be nicer if I could still use Whatsapp and surf the net from the bathroom after the middle of the month.

Fsck me ... I live in a country where bandwidth is expensive.

(I'll sit down now... Steam is pouring from my ears and tears are running down my knees)

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Migraine in the mainframe: Unisys reports more losses

Sceptic Tank
Childcatcher

When I was a lad

I was also surprised that they're still around.

Back in the day I worked on a UniSys A-Series painframe. Did my COBOL coding in that CANDE abomination. RemoteSPO.

Where's the The Scream icon and hand me my puke bucket..

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Elderly? Disabled? You clearly need a .38" Palm Pistol

Sceptic Tank
Alert

"hit the streets"..... Aiming the thing is still a bit of a problem then?

But if you're elderly and / or disabled, won't your arm come off from the recoil? Just wondering. This may be an equal opportunity weapon.

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Wheels come off parents' plan to dub sprog 'Mini Cooper'

Sceptic Tank

Good thing then that Minnie Driver was born in the UK.

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Radio wave gun zaps drones out of the sky – and it's perfectly legal*

Sceptic Tank
Mushroom

I'm off to the patent office with this:

A large barreled air gun capable of hurtling a ball of loosely packed pieces of string towards said aircraft. (Or maybe packaging that resembles Enrique Iglesias' hands* to improve chances of making contact with the blades). Pieces of string will then become entangled in the rotors and flying machine will move towards the greatest source of gravity automatically.

The burden of proof will lie with the owner of the device to prove that it was in fact *my* pieces of string that caused his machine to stop operating optimally and descend down the nearest gravity well.

* How's he doing these days?

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Microsoft now awfully pushy with Windows 10 on Win 7, 8 PCs – Reg readers hit back

Sceptic Tank
Linux

apt-get

I'm waiting for the day when all these new Mint users go "sudo apt-get upgrade" and when they reboot it replaced the OS with Win10. Wouldn't put that past MS.

My laptop runs Win7 but I've never caught it wanting to downgrade to Win10. The machine is probably just too old. But the guy who broke into my house and stole my better-specced laptop .... may 1000 Win10 upgrades (per day) be forever with you. Good luck getting those over our crap "broadband" down here in the southern hemisphere. Bwha ha ha ha ha ha (cue organ music and thunder).

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Brazilian prisoner nabbed with mobile up rear end

Sceptic Tank
Coffee/keyboard

Package contents

1x mobile ... check

1x charger ... check

1x cable ... Idiot! You brought 2 chargers but no cable. We'll have to wait until next year. Your mom will be so disappointed when it's her birthday . :-( :-( :-(

I wonder what the first call was he received after producing his mobile. Probably some call center agent offering him a free phone upgrade if he renews his contract.

-----------------------> The keys on this phone seem to be somewhat dirty,

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Google's .bro file format changed to .br after gender bother

Sceptic Tank
WTF?

Re: 3-column mind

Wasn't the 8.3 file name convention a carry-over from CP/M? I'm not implying that DOS was derived from CP/M in any way, of course.

So "Brotli algorithm" hmm? Why not change the extension to .bra if .bro is so offensive?

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Tiny Robot Smartphone: Invasion Earth 2016 – prepare to be facially recognised humans

Sceptic Tank
Thumb Up

This could be useful

Great! A phone with legs! If you misplace your phone you call it* and it will come running to you. Does it come with a key holder?

What mobile operating system does it run? Android, I guess...

* Presumably from a fixed line so you can give directions on how it can find you.

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Pluto's moon SPLIT OPEN by ancient FROZEN OCEAN

Sceptic Tank
Go

Ongoing maintenance.

Scientists reported finding a large crack. Government's Public Works Department sent some workers with crack filler and paint to repair it.

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AF-FIR-MAT-IVE: Second suspension for robot-voice helldesker

Sceptic Tank
Terminator

But ....

Will he be baaaack?

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WATER SURPRISE: Liquid found on Mars, says NASA

Sceptic Tank
Alien

I propose a trade embargo.

What does this discovery mean for the price of bath salts here on earth? Will the stock price of the companies that produce them tank?

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Overheating iPhone 6S+ BLINDED my cam, cries flashgate fanboy

Sceptic Tank
Flame

Tell him

Pictures or it didn't happen!

Just thinking now: Apple really must make the camera detachable. How else will you be able to take a sellfie that shows how cool .... er, HOT you look holding your iPhone 6S Pus?

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iPhone 6S, 6S Plus: Apple SHAFTS eager fans with STRAPPING VIBRATOR

Sceptic Tank
Big Brother

Re: Repair Score

They put cheats into their software that detects it's being repaired or used normally and reduces the amount of glue accordingly.

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NASA announcement of MAJOR MARS DISCOVERY imminent: WHAT can it be?

Sceptic Tank
Go

99 red balloons go by.

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There's no Wayback in Russia: Putin blocks Archive.org

Sceptic Tank
Unhappy

Re: Putin is a putz.

Yeah, Jake. Let's send George Dubba-You Bush in to go fix the Middle East. The world is a pretty safe place after he rooted out the WMD's and evil dictators there.

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Mysterious cosmic dustball fires up Milky Way's black hole

Sceptic Tank
Mushroom

Who's this Sagittarius A*hole ?

Where I live I don't need a telescope to see dust. Not sure if it's emitting bright X-Rays though - I 'll have to go dig out my X-Ray glasses.

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Anthropology boffins solve 9,000-year-old headless body cold case

Sceptic Tank
Facepalm

Heads must roll over this.

"Amputated hands were found laid over the face of the skull" ... Earliest form of facepalm uncovered.

The undertaker kept a cool head.

What's the IT angle? Head to attend postmortem meeting?

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Boffins spot a SECOND JUPITER – the gas giant's baby sister

Sceptic Tank
Trollface

Re: Distance from its sun?

Not sure what's unclear there, AC. According to the aricle the planet orbits the star at about the same distance as Saturn orbits the sun. The start is about 100 light years away from us. That's how I read it.

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'WOMAN FOUND ON MARS' – now obvious men are from Venus

Sceptic Tank
IT Angle

When last did you dust here?

It's the fossilized remains of customer of a long gone supermarket still waiting in the queue.

(What's the IT angle? Fossilized while waiting for the next useable Windows version?)

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Windows 10 climbs to 3.55 per cent market share, Win 8.1 dips

Sceptic Tank
Go

Thanks Beta-testers!

I ain't not installing no nothing from no Redmond software company before (at least) the first service pack.

But thanks to the brave 3%-ers who are beta-testing this thing for us!

(Sent from my Win7 machine).

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Android faces SECOND patching crisis, on the same scale as Stagefright

Sceptic Tank
Pirate

What's the fuss about?

Sent from my iPhone.

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North Korea's Red Star Linux inserts sneaky serial content tracker

Sceptic Tank
Mushroom

Downside

This is the downside of open source: involuntarily supporting some dictatorship that fires generals with anti-aircraft guns. Let's nuke them before they nuke us.

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WHOA! Windows 10 to be sold on USB drives – what a time to be alive

Sceptic Tank
Windows

How much more can they take?

USB sticks? I totally agree with that decision. That will make it a lot easier to get rid of the redundant stock when consumers tell them to shove it up their places without abundant sunshine. DVDs are much more pointy - if you have to take the case as well.

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WINGED VELOCIRAPTOR 'from HELL': Closest thing ever to a real DRAGON?

Sceptic Tank
Windows

Extinct

That thing's head is the wrong way around. No wonder it went extinct. It couldn't see where it was heading.

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Pluto Pic: Is it a DOG? Is it a HEART? Or is it ... is it ... BIGFOOT?

Sceptic Tank
Pint

When the mooooon is in the 7th house, etc.

It looks more like Snoopy. Let's rename that former planet...

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GIGANTIC galaxy-chomping black hole rips boffins a new one

Sceptic Tank
Unhappy

Holes

You think that's big? Wait until you see the size of the hole my career is in at the moment.

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Bloke called Rod struck by lightning for second time

Sceptic Tank
IT Angle

Flash Gordon's alive!

Did he go back to work with renewed energy?

What's the IT angle ... IBM's Blue Lightning CPU?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IBM_386SLC

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Case for drone usage now overwhelming as Enrique Iglesias concert almost stopped

Sceptic Tank
IT Angle

Gave his fans the finger ....

Wow, what a chop! (From that blade, I mean).

What's the IT angle? You need at least 3 working fingers to stabilize a MS OS?

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Shuttleworth delivers death blow in Umbongoland dispute

Sceptic Tank

Re: It's a shame you two don't get along...

You may need a new printer.

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SourceForge accused of shackling GIMP in kinky adware

Sceptic Tank
WTF?

Lost faith

I installed PDFCreator from SourceForge a while ago like I have done in the past. This time the installer additionally installed some piece of malware rubbish that hijacks the search engine in all browsers. Took some effort to find out how to get rid of it again (turns out you can just uninstall it from Programs and Features).

But after that my faith in SF was badly shaken. They just cannot be trusted anymore.

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That EVIL TEXT that will CRASH your iPhone: We pop the hood

Sceptic Tank
Terminator

Restart required

I fail to see how this will cause the sun to go dark and the stars to fall to the earth.

Open message from friend. Phone reboots. Curses uttered. Phone restarts. Remove friend from Christmas card list.

You can probably even block the sender and instruct them to solve their personal issues before you will allow them to contact you again.

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Windows 10 to MELT YOUR BRAIN and TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE

Sceptic Tank
Windows

Go put on some dry pants, people.

So does this replace the Start Menu or the TIFKAM tiles? How do I launch Notepad with this?

But look, seriously ... Unlike what I read in these comments I've never felt it necessary to base my choice of OS on the games bundled with it, Just don't launch the danged thing. Unless it's the new log-on screen? (Solve the puzzle to log into Windows.).

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Good luck displacing Windows 7, Microsoft, it's still growing

Sceptic Tank
Windows

I'm a bottom feeder

My ancient notebook at home runs Windows Vista. My other PCs run various distros of GNU/Linux. Looking at that chart my choices of OS are competing there for the bottom position. It's not much of an issue for me: I seriously started using GNU/Linux about 2 years ago and my interest in Windows just dwindled -- mostly because of MS' licensing policies*. I'll probably replace the ancient notebook if Windows 10 turns out to be useable and it can co-exist with other operating systems on *my* equipment that I *bought*.

(At least my work notebook runs Windows 7 so I can still feel like I'm part of the herd).

* My OS is tied to a specific hardware configuration and I have to pay again if I upgrade?!? WTF? What next? Do I have to pay for my orange juice again if I pour it from the bottle into a glass?

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Eco-loons hack Thirty Meter Telescope website to help the 'natives'

Sceptic Tank
Mushroom

Time to move

I suppose they could always relocate to the Marshall Islands if they don't like the look of that them telescopes over there.

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'Use 1 capital' password prompts make them too predictable – study

Sceptic Tank
Facepalm

Let me in! Let me in!

I encountered the following snafu: Registered for a website and used a 30 character generated password. Then I could not log into the site again because the password box on the log-in page was restricted to 20 characters.

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Curiosity rover RENDERED ARMLESS by short circuit

Sceptic Tank

Re: Quick!

We need Armed Response!

Did this thing ever complain about pain in the diodes on its left side?

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Amazon tries to patent 3D printers on trucks

Sceptic Tank
Facepalm

Stability?

Don't 3D printers require a stable surface? Sounds to me like whatever is being printed will arrive looking like a blob of molten plastic with warts. I would love to see them drive around Pretoria their truck mounted printer attempting to scale a speed bump without landing in a pothole on the other side.

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IBM details PowerPC microserver aimed at square kilometre array

Sceptic Tank
Pirate

Power(less)PC

Not sure where the power for this SKA is going to come from. Unless you're generating your own power you only have a choice between these providers:

1) Eskom

2) Eskom

3) Eskom

We experience country-wide rolling blackouts daily from 8am to 10pm because the power plants have fallen into such disrepair that they break daily and reliable power supply has become impossible (Goooogle "majuba silo collapse" as an example). The other huge problem is cable theft.

So-o-o-o..... Plenty of sunlight in the Karoo. Not sure how many solar panels / wind turbines one will need to drive thousands of these 16amp processors with cooling (you're going to need it...). Not sure how you're going to keep the locals away from your copper cable (or anything metal basically, like manhole covers, train rails, trains, fence posts, ...).

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IBM chasing ex-staffers for $20 payments

Sceptic Tank
Paris Hilton

Re: Happened to me as well

Not sure on the details. But you are saying that they overpaid you $2,500, you never reported it, and now you are upset because they're asking for their money back?

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