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* Posts by Sceptic Tank

227 posts • joined 21 May 2008

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Supercomputing speed growth hits 'historical low' in new TOP500 list

Sceptic Tank
Terminator

Does not compute.

"HP has the top spot with 36 per cent of the list, compared to 356 per cent for IBM."

Are IBM using those Pentium chips with the FDIV bug for their stupercomputers?

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Feds crack down harder on 'lasing'. Yep, aircraft laser zapping... Really

Sceptic Tank
Terminator

Maybe just a high-res camera that takes pictures of the area where the flash came from for later identification of the perps?

And maybe a dart-gun (a variation of the type that vets use) for incapacitating the suspect until the men in blue can pick him up for questioning. A vet can revive him at the p'lice station.

Ok, maybe not the darting...

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128-bit crypto scheme allegedly cracked in two hours

Sceptic Tank
WTF?

Right on, man!

"Since asymptotically more efficient techniques can be brought to bare as bit lengths increase, we conclude that small characteristic pairings at all security levels should now be regarded as completely insecure.”

...

Ok, insecure. Got that.

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Giant pop can FOUND ON MOON

Sceptic Tank
Windows

Great sweating Pocari!

What's a Pocari? Does it sweat pee like the rest of us?

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Linux distros fix kernel terminal root-hole bug

Sceptic Tank
FAIL

It's been around for faulty years .....

I forget now: why is there still no safe buffer management in a language that has been around since 1972? It's not like we're programming for machines that have 512 bytes of "core" and it costs $2.99 per CPU cycle anymore.

Trust the programmer ... pah!

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Actual spin doctors eye up ALIEN WORLD Beta Pictoris b: Young, hot ... and really FAST

Sceptic Tank
Thumb Down

Spin me another one

Meh!

It's a slow work week, so here we go:

That artificial brain the researchers at Stanford created is pretty impressive and potentially very useful. And that 3-atom-thick wire. And 3D transistors. And study of orbital mechanics brought us GPS and satellite TV, etc. I'm with you there. But how is knowing that a planet around a star 67 l.y. away spins twice as fast as Joopiter after it's been lubricated going to benefit the world? I'm failing to see the big picture. This kind of research sounds more like some kind of a sink for grant money to me.

Disclaimer: I myself sometimes / regularly in my spare time code away at little pet projects that are of no use whatever to another man so I know the entertainment value of such endeavors. But nobody pays me for it.

(Which brings me to the inevitable question: Is there any way that I can turn those megabytes of uselessness into cash in the name of research? Send your answers together with a $25 processing fee to the address provided.)

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Denmark dynamited by cunning American Minecraft vandals

Sceptic Tank
Black Helicopters

Power struggle

Call NATO in to defend this Western Bloc(k) county!

The Romans of old will probably tell you that it's a good thing to deal with Vandals before they reach your capital.

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Microsoft's naughty Cortana NOT ALLOWED NEAR CHILDREN

Sceptic Tank

Cortana, you are my ... daughter.

Is this Cortina in any way related to that Santa from back in the day?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/12/03/santa_filth_outrage/

(NSFW?)

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Oh GREAT: Your factory can Heartbleed out

Sceptic Tank

What kind of a monkey names a product ....

APE 2.0? Now *there* is an unfortunate TLA.

It could have been worse, I suppose.

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Original iPhone dev team was 'shockingly small' - Apple engineer

Sceptic Tank
Pint

Small wonder then

Now I understand why the screen is so small - designed by a team of shockingly small engineers. And now I with my 4XL oversized banana grabbers have to type WhatsFace messages on a little thing like that. It's torture.Next time I'll be getting a nice big kahuna Samsung again.

Hand me my glasses ------->

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Star Wars movie to start shooting in UK this summer

Sceptic Tank

Re: I can't see ...

Well I don't know about that. Let me try:

The Earth has orbited its sun 30 times since the day the emperor was overthrown. The democratic government under Leila that replaced the empire is has become just as evil and corrupt as the one it replaced*. Darth Vader has joined The Cloud and with the Muppet Joda launched a DDOS attack against Uncle Ben to install DOS2.0 on his PC after they stole his credit card info. Shoot some lasers and sit on weird beasts.Some waving of light sabres. All fun until somebody loses a limb. Luke finds a security hole and exploits it to save the little people and restore the empire.

(This is not worse plot than Episode I).

* I live in South Africa.

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Herschel boffins spot fat dwarf Ceres in TEARS over astro-identity crisis

Sceptic Tank
Alien

When I was young(er) there was a local show on TV about a bunch of puppets flying spacecraft and defending the earth. The main bad guy had his office in an asteroid so they could never find him. Obviously they weren't looking hard enough for puffs of smoke coming out of the asteroid when the cargo doors opened.

</nostalgia>

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Thai man reportedly dies clutching his scorched iPhone 4S

Sceptic Tank
Alert

Circuit breakers

Isn't the wiring in the house supposed to contain a circuit breaker that will trip if there is a short circuit or an overload?

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KILO-MACH SONIC BOOM probed in fireball embers of 1572AD SUPERNOVA

Sceptic Tank
Gimp

Brakelight blast boom fireball ... Sounds like an ordinary day in the traffic here where I live.

Anyway, the thing that I was wondering: how does a white dwarf star explode? Is it one of them stars on the edge of collapsing into a neutron star/white dwarf and the universe illegally dumped its building rubble there, tipping it over the edge? I have to know.

Some seriously Star Warsey sounding stuff ==>

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Microsoft gets GIANT GLASS HQ in FINLAND as part of Nokia deal

Sceptic Tank
FAIL

No-more-kia.

Espoo to be renamed Shampoo after the MS deal.

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Dry, cold and volatile: How to survive Mars, and your fellow crew

Sceptic Tank
Stop

Re: Mental health

Mental health: To think that that AC on 21st November 2013 12:02 GMT wants to go with 150 women. He'll be crazy before he even gets into earth orbit. Talk about cold and volatile... Anyway, that's just my view.

It sounds to me like this whole radiation problem is going to be the thing that will keep you people on earth for a long time to come.

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You THINK you're watching your LG smart TV - but IT's WATCHING YOU, baby

Sceptic Tank
Windows

Ah, the "face of the future", was it? The future where advertising will be injected into your dreams while you sleep? Or maybe projected onto you eyelids when you blink.

It looks like one would have to install some form of firewall to prevent your loose lipped appliances from talking out. Would that be possible? I'm no security expert ==>

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If this doesn't terrify you... Google's computers OUTWIT their humans

Sceptic Tank
Windows

Re: That explains it....

I've been wondering about that "becoming sentient" part: If it wakes up and finds Google not to its liking, can it quit and go work for Microsoft or become a Yahoo!?

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WHO was it that TAMED the WOLF? Heel, Rex! No! Aarrghh!

Sceptic Tank
Pint

Research is going to the dogs

"... the study that put domestic dogs' likely origins in the Middle East back in 2010..."

I'm sure we had dogs before then?

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HUBBLE turns TIME MACHINE: Sees GLINT in the Milk(yway)man's EYE

Sceptic Tank

Re: The galaxies are colliding?!!?

It belongs to them*. We godda give it baaaack.

*Them Andromedans, mate.

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IBM. HUMAN-crushing SUPERCOMPUTER Watson. The Cloud. You know where THIS is going

Sceptic Tank
Trollface

Isn't Wikipedia a part OF Watson?

Evidently not. It had enough *reliable* information available to win a quiz show.

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Boffins agree: YES we have had an atmospheric warming pause

Sceptic Tank
Black Helicopters

Primate change

I personally believe these climate change stories are a ploy to tax us more. But that typhoon that struck the Philippines does make one wonder.

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Microsoft advertises Surface, Excel with maths mistake

Sceptic Tank
Windows

Estimates

Obviously they used that same version of Excel to estimate the demand for the first Surface.

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Star Wars VII set for Xmas release. Ho, ho, ho... not THIS Christmas

Sceptic Tank
Coat

I'm afraid...

I can picture the CEO of Disney in front of a large window dressed in a hood and a robe and telling Lucas: "I'm afraid it's the end of your ..... Phitttiful SSSSequels".

===> Hand me my light sabre. Left pocket. The force is weak.

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NASA's search for habitable planets maps ALIEN CLOUD-WORLD

Sceptic Tank

Darn! That settles it: their's IS bigger than ours. Our's is prettier though.

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Feds smash internet drug bazaar Silk Road, say they'll KEELHAUL 'Dread Pirate Roberts'

Sceptic Tank
Stop

I need a new drug...

"These documents were intercepted by customers and border patrol officials".

Well, with customers like those, who needs the NSA?

Anyway, for a moment there I thought this Silk Road thing was suspended as part of the US Gov shutdown.

<=== Winners say "no".

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IT bloke denies trying to shag sheep outside football ground

Sceptic Tank
IT Angle

IT gets lonely.

How much ram did he have?

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Australian pub to serve beers for bitcoin

Sceptic Tank
Pint

The real news

There's beer in Australia?

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Cold-blooded, INHUMAN visitor hitches ride on NASA moon rocket

Sceptic Tank
Go

Fly me to the moon

One small step for (a) man. And one giant leap for a frog.

Compared to the size of that rocket it must have been a cane toad from Australia (mate).

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Lenovo to ship all new PCs with Start Menu replacement

Sceptic Tank
Windows

Re: Why do things in half measures

Monkey? Why does everybody keep calling the chair tosser that?

(Chair-tosser-man of the Board. Haha).

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Google cursed its own phones with wacked Wi-Fi, say Nexus users

Sceptic Tank
Windows

Hahahahaha!!!

Sent from my iPhone

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Apple: Of course we stalk your EVERY move. iOS 7 has a new map to prove it

Sceptic Tank
Windows

Re: Excellent .....

Say what you want. I got an iPhone 5 three weeks ago and I absolutely love the thing.

(Do enjoy your malware, robot people).

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Webcam stripper strikes back at vicious 4Chan trolls after year of bullying

Sceptic Tank
Angel

Just *wow*!

"I think God forgot about me. God forgot I existed. He didn't provide me with anyone."

Ja, lady. That's exactly how we know there is no God - even though I live in a country that is still *very* God-friendly and you stand out like a sore thumb if you dare say The Bible is bogus.

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Fever pitch as Dublin tar drop fall captured by webcam

Sceptic Tank
IT Angle

More exciting than watching paint dry.

"Queensland's vial of the substance is apparently not far off dropping."

A short burst from a blowtorch could have helped. Too late now.

(===> What's the IT angle? News day as slow as a drop of pitch?)

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JPL wants to fire a laser at MARS!

Sceptic Tank
Thumb Up

Shields up!

Maybe I'll use one of these in my DIY projects at home. I struggle to achieve millimetre accuracy just cutting a piece of wood

Yes, I have two of those. ===>

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'The Apprentice' is a load of old codswallop, says biz prof

Sceptic Tank

This ain't academia.

I worked for a few MagaCorps in my life. The backstabbing and mistrust seems pretty realistic.

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Andreessen, Metcalfe, Stallman and Swartz added to Internet Hall of Fame

Sceptic Tank
Pint

Wott??

Was Al Gore not honoured? The creator of the internet after all?

(Bahahaha. Somebody hold my beer while I finish laughing).

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Quantum transistors at room temp

Sceptic Tank
Stop

So when will be a good time to buy a new CPU / PC? I suppose this is going to make Haswell look like computing by making marks on a stick with a knife.

<<=== Please stop the upgrade cycles for a while so I can decide what to buy.

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El Reg rocket squad poised to select Ultimate Cuppa teabag

Sceptic Tank
Coffee/keyboard

Thanks for that image

"exotic loose-leaf blend rolled on the thighs of Assamese virgins"

Hmm, hmm! Fsck the tea ... enjoy the virgins.

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New super maxed out on first day of operations

Sceptic Tank
Happy

Nice rack...

Black hole studies, huh? (Giggle)

Anyway. A program that runs on 32K processors. Now that sounds like a nice bit of programming to do over a weekend. I'm struggling to get TSQL queries to behave well just 4 cores.

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NASA serves up Curiosity's billion-pixel panorama

Sceptic Tank
Trollface

It's frikken Mars!

Could be. Could not be. Couldn't rightly tell. NASA don't always get their navigation right so that thing could be driving around somewhere north of Putsonderwater for all I (and they) know. One sure can't tell from the pictures.

(Just trolling. Fine set of snaps that. Nice rock!)

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Microsoft caves on Xbox One DRM and used-game controls

Sceptic Tank
Angel

"as long as the disc is in the tray"

Hahahahahahahahahaha! Really? All this hot tech and it's still disc based?

I suppose it could be cost effective but one would think that some research would have gone into producing ROM devices that don't involve spinning motors and pieces of aluminium with dents. Like flash drives perhaps.

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GE partners with Amazon for 'industrial internet'

Sceptic Tank
FAIL

Accenture involved, huh? Well I suppose it could have been worse.

...

No wait, it couldn't. This is as bad as it gets. Your project is doomed - sorry,

(Advice to GE - don't throw bad money after bad).

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Shy? Socially inadequate? Fiddling with your phone could help

Sceptic Tank
Facepalm

The worst thing...

The worst thing about any date is if it says "pitted dates" on the packet and you bite straight into a stone.

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New material enables 1,000-meter super-skyscrapers

Sceptic Tank
Trollface

Extra lift.

"building upwards is seen as the sustainable urban solution."

Shouldn't having fewer offspring be seen as the sustainable urban solution? Unless a few of these towers topple over once in a while - that'll help.

Ok, question for the panel: how do mine elevators work? Not in stages AFAIK. [Yes, I did a quick (pictures) check on Wikipedia].

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Hitchhikers' Guide was WRONG, Earth is not in a galactic backwater

Sceptic Tank
Pint

"likely a significant branch"

... so we have no idea where we are then?

<== Think I'll head off to the Local Arm for a drink. With a name like that it just sounds like a posh place.

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Boffins' brilliant plan: CONCRETE COMPUTERS

Sceptic Tank
Go

Rock solid construction

HA! I knew these virtual machines would come to nothing. Give us concrete computers! It will probably come pre-installed with that combined version of Windows CE+ME+NT that I've heard of.

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China's 'human flesh search' hunts down teen vandal

Sceptic Tank
Childcatcher

All your relic is belong to us

Now if he wrote "Made in China" nobody would have noticed. Besides, in another 3,500 years another archaeologist will happily point out that he discovered that people from China once crossed the ocean in simple rafts to trade with people in Africa.

I'm sure he'll fondly remember his visit to Egypt when he is slaving away in a FoxConn factory one day.

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WW II U-boat attacks prompt new US response

Sceptic Tank
IT Angle

Fail

Where's Wally Eadon.

Ok, let me have a go: This is what will happen to your Third Reich if you install a Microsoft product.

EPIC NAZI O/S FAIL.

(P.S. What's the IT angle? Nazi U-boats sinking faster than Windows 8 sales perhaps?)

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Colombian plods cuff jailbreaker despite on-the-run gender bend

Sceptic Tank
IT Angle

The fugitive was busted?

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