* Posts by Cliff

1559 posts • joined 14 Apr 2007

Unlock your mobe by STROKING it with your PEARL

Cliff
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Re: Dear Reg,

Bet you a kitkat that some marketeer with facial hair is excitedly correlating the term LOHAN with their newly found demographic, and are on the phone to Lindsay's agents tight now for the follow-up campaign...

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Cliff
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Re: Dear Reg,

So the only viewers of this ad campaign are Reg readers? Bless. Somewhere in some marketeers office they're busy watching the stats for the vid, and wondering why their potential customer base is also interested in linux and playmobil.

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Cliff
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Hmmm cheesy bollocks!

The idea is quite sweet in many ways - you get to store some digital keepsake 'in' the pearl to be replayed whenever the NFC is activated via their app.

Apps need updating, storage will clearly be online as opposed to on an NFC chip (they suggest using audio or video mementoes) , so the 'generations to come' is a lot more likely to be 'next 10 years or so' until one or more of the following...

1) NFC becomes outdated and falls out of use

2) OS versions march on, but the app doesn't keep upadating on newer OS's

3) The server hosting turns out to be uneconomic as people pay upfront, not periodically

4) The content is hacked (and I'll bet it's trivially easy - probably just needing a UID of some sort from the NFC chip, brute-forceable)

5) The video format becomes outdated and no longer supported

6) Gah, whatever, you get the idea.

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HUMAN HAIR will soon be FOUND on MOON: Brit 'nauts aim for SPAAAACE

Cliff
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Re: Well done folks...

tiny fraction of the funds achieved, surely?

The fact that the publicity didn't make much of the fact the kickstarter campaign, at best, would generate enough cash to start, then hit up every backer for more money left me wary. £600k is not a lot of money in space research, especially once you've given kickstarter 10% of it.

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easyGroup railroads easytrain.com owner

Cliff
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Re: The real question

Well that was was easypeasylemonsqueezy.com wasn't it?

Easyjustice.

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HORRIFIED Amazon retailers fear GOING BUST after 1p pricing cockup

Cliff
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Re: Apparently they're going to be implementing Chip & PIN soon.

Actually, many US institutions are implementing the pisspoor 'Chip & Sign' instead of 'Chip & Pin'.

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Cliff
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Re: "E&OE" exists for this very purpose

People are allowed to fuck up. People make typos, slip up, whatever.

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Cliff
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Re: price mistakes

Invitation to treat - web sites invite offers to buy, contract exchange concluded on dispatch/delivery. Bankruptcy talk is hysteria - or retailers not actually sanity checking the deals they do before dispatch - and if they dispatched all their orders within the hour or so before this was spotted, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

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Swiss McDonalds serves up no-holes-barred cheesy action to punters

Cliff
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staff in the zone

Maybe hung over from the Christmas party?

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Sony hackers PINCH early version of James Bond Spectre script

Cliff
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Re: No, no and no

By making the characters flexible and move with the times they get a long-living franchise. Look at Dr Who, constant reinvention, and 50 yrs.

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QEMU, FFMPEG guru unleashes JPEG-slaying graphics compressor

Cliff
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Re: JPEG2000

JPEG2000 lives happily in the niche of digital cinema packages - the modern equivalent of 35mm movie film prints are a string of JPEG2000's, one per frame, packaged with a soundtrack.

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Bong Ventures LLC: We've been cyberhacked

Cliff
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Re: Excellent!

Prime Bong! Definitely one of the best, along with the 3D printing one a couple of years back

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/12/26/3d_printing_xmas_gift_catalog/

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US Navy's LASER CANNON WARSHIP: USS Ponce sent to Gulf

Cliff
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Re: USS Ponce

Sister ship USS NONCE

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Hackable intercom lets you SPY on fellow apartment-dwellers

Cliff
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Anyone shocked?

It costs money to patch systems, and residents don't like building management charges so I'd imagine the majority of such systems are wide open, like HVACs, security cameras, or any other network connected kit

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Uber? Worth $40 BEEELLION? Hey, actually, hold on ...

Cliff
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Re: Driverless internet gypsy cab? What could go wrong?

Driverless Aeroplanes - look up! The pilots in modern fly-by-wire planes are the secondary system, they *ask* the plane to to something, the plane responds to if the systems all agree.

There's an aviation gag about modern planes being designed for a pilot and a dog. The dog's there to make sure nobody touches the controls, the pilot's there to feed the dog.

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Cliff
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Re: It's a bargain

dotcomboomandbust1.0, I remember it well.

Apparently I'm alone in that, so here we all go into #dcbabv2

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Cliff
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Re: "The first being that it's their money to waste" - are you sure?

Worse, it's institutional investors gambling other peoples pensions for personal gain. Shits.

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Cliff
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Re: Maintenance

I don't see cleaning as being a big deal - I'm sure initially driverless cars will need an account with positively identified users (like those by the hour car club thingies). Driverless car arrives at your home and is foul - press the 'it's foul' button, it'll go to get cleaned whilst a replacement makes its way over to you. Fueling - even if not electric vehicles, hit the reserve tanks and the car goes back to the same depot for a drink. Or a different depot, maybe local filling stations can have service agreements, hardly an insurmountable problem. If you can make a driverless car, you can imagine how to service it.

Personally I'd be all over a driverless car hire especially of they've got a national range. I hate driving.

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Cliff
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Re: billion?

Indeed - a billion is huge compared with a million but people can't picture large numbers accurately. For context people can picture ...

A million seconds is 11 days

A billion seconds is 31 years.

A billion is a BIG number.

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RIP P4ssw0rd? IT giants agree to share patents to rollout two-factor auth

Cliff
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Re: What are the privacy implications?

No, the FIDO U2F standard specifically prevents being used as some kind of supercookie.

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Cliff
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Just waiting for more implementations

I got a key from a French outfit for under a tenner (no need for it to be expensive, and I'm sure prices will become a LOT lower with time) and it works a treat with Google 2FA via Chrome and is pretty indestructible. Still waiting for PayPal et al to implement it, but it's such a good idea for anything with a USB slot.

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Confused about 5G? So are we, say carriers

Cliff
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Re: five nines

It's also a handy shortcut to knowing a project is poorly defined and doomed to failure. If a manager asserts that some dumb departmental intranet app must have 'five nines' availability, you can bet he's not planning on paying for the redundant servers in geographically distinct farms, redundant networks, instant stateful failover handling, 24*7*365 support plus on call fees for support devs, plus all the frequent refresher training, reversion testing, supplier SLA insured contracts, etc., etc., ...

What they mean is 'I want it to work when I use it (but not paddy for that stuff which because I don't understand it must be unnecessary)'. I.e. poorly specified project hence doomed to failure.

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Cliff
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Re: What is 5/9?

BTW true 99.999% uptime is usually bollocks.

It's something like 1 hour downtime every decade.

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.Bank hires Symantec to check credentials

Cliff
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Not actually a bad idea, but easily spoofed

This could contribute to goodness *IF WELL IMPLEMENTED* and as a PART of an integrated approach.

Ever hopeful, eh?

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Put me through to Buffy's room, please. Sony hackers leak stars' numbers, travel aliases

Cliff
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Re: Just wondering

Hotel bookings/reservations - it prevents junior hotel staff from telling their friends who tell the press/fans that <big star> is in room <###>

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Manchester festival marketers fined £70,000 over spam ‘mum’ texts

Cliff
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£70k will still sting, badly. Not sure what the tickets cost, but seeing as promoters work on margins of 7-12%, then this could easily be a double-digit profit percentage fine.

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BOFH: Santa, bloody Santa

Cliff
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Truffle Womble

+1 just for that :)

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How HAPPY am I on a scale of 1 to 10? Where do I click PISSED OFF?

Cliff
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Re: Although a fairly accurate and amusing portrayal of LHR security...

Is it really? Or is the real problem a theatre of security that adds very little actual protection buy degrades every traveller (with every native tongue, with many infrequent flyers) with ever-variable and inconsistent rules? Toothpaste? Is it a cream or liquid? The sign doesn't ask for pastes, and it contains very little liquid, less than an apple - so what's the water percentage threshold?

For instance, in the Middle East they were quiet happy for me to take 2 bottles of water as hand luggage to fly to London. Some places want to see your laptop unpacked, in its own tray, some even see it turned on (unlucky if you've got a crappy battery), yet other airports don't. Some want shoes off for everyone, others don't. It's highly inconsistent, and the first time most people find the particular combination of socks, shoes, pants, belt, jewellery, coins, keys, phones, water, toothpaste, laptop open/closed/powered, etc is tired, stressed, and being humiliated in a factory farming dehumanisation programme.

By the way, I've now landed in London with my water and some and toothpaste - lucky I didn't detonate over the city, eh? It's a pantomime of actions that look like diligence, complex rituals to appease the security gods - don't blame the poor fuckers caught up in it.

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Cliff
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Re: The machine is not designed to detect things. It is simply designed to go “bleep”.

Quite. A paper survey with the question 'would you be prepared to volunteer some help to other residents in this sheltered housing' has just been used by one of the richest charities in the country as a 'consultation' in order to sack half the staff.

So, anyone involved with these misleading and deliberately deceptive and coercive survey questions - fuck you. It's cynical to say people were satisfied with no real intention to listen and to fudge the figures. You're complicit in actively making the world a shittier place and deserve all you create.

If you want a genuine mood-gathering system start by sacking all the market research experts who offer their services and employ someone with a good grasp of English and Engineering - it'll go a long way.

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Angry Birds to angry words: Rovio flings 14% of its staff out the door

Cliff
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Re: Some corrections seem warranted...

Yep, selling the game to a major on licence and getting the hell out of gaming makes sense - lightening not striking twice and all...

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Use Windows software on Android – Microsoft couldn't be app-ier

Cliff
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Re: Why?

"As you're" is a close approximation to my pronunciation, but as our American friends get anxious around the letter 'U' maybe this helps explain things?

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VCs say Uber is worth $41bn... but don't worry, we're not in a bubble

Cliff
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Re: Pushing for an IPO the investors maybe are?

Am I the only one remembers how many big institutional investors and small speculators alike got wiped out during dotcomboomandbust1.0? Did I dream it all?

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Cliff
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Re: It probably IS worth $41B

If every man, woman, child, baby, invalid on earth makes over $50 worth of taxi travel (plus rickshaws and the like... And before the oil makes it unviable) and uber get a slice of ALL of it, maybe. But we all know it's a bullshit valuation really, don't we?

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Cliff
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Re: $41bn

41 x more bubbly and overvalued than Instagram. Impressive.

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Yotaphone 2: The two-faced pocket-stroker with '100 hours' batt life

Cliff
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Re: 100 hours?

Alas I use my smartphone as a smartphone, so get nothing like that battery life. Must say I'm a little curious why you have a relatively expensive, bulky, fragile smartphone when you could get by with a Nokia 100 model for £10.99 (including £10 of credit)?

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Cliff
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El Reg App? I find the regular/desktop site works perfectly well through most browsers - worth trying instead?

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Kim Dotcom Dotcan remain on bail, despite Fed protests

Cliff
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Re: No longer allowed to travel by helicopter

Out of interest, downvoter, how many places can you get to on a tank of fuel in a chopper from any location you care to name in NZ? Lovely country and all that, just not in the heart of things, especially in what are very versatile but rather fuel-intensive vehicles optimised for short range.

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Cliff
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Re: No longer allowed to travel by helicopter

There's also not a heap of places you can get to by chopper from NZ - or carry enough fuel to reach at least

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LA schools math quiz: $500 Chromebooks or $700 iPads for students?

Cliff
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Re: Raspberry Pi

Lesson 1, build your computer!

It was always that the first thing craftsmen made was their tools...

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Cliff
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Re: WTF happened to pens and exercise books?

Kickbacks is what happened

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Holy sh*t! Amsterdam man in pop-up public toilet shock horror

Cliff
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Re: Safety features?

That was the most boring video I've watched in ages - all in anticipation of a moped stunt. Save yourself 3 minutes!

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Masala omelette

Cliff
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Re: 1,176,182 Scovilles?

Excellent point - seeing as it's so subjective and subject to increasing tolerance during the tasting/testing/grading.

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Nordic Samuel Beckett meets Kafka meets Gervais: Modern office parable The Room

Cliff
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Different publishers in the different territories? Translation into Seppo? Author launch book tour? It's hardly uncommon.

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Randall Munroe: The root nerd talks to The Register

Cliff
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Monetization!

He needs to sell out to the Cheezburger Network for monetization and stuff.

OK, well clearly he shouldn't - that would be hideous, but I do wonder how occasional T-Shirts, posters and maybe now book advances (still very low even for bestsellers) make living wage money. The fact that the strips are not surrounded with ads, deep linking is encouraged, etc., makes you wonder why other sites (*cough* reg *cough*) surround themselves with flash ads and stuff.

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Home Office: Fancy flogging us some SECRET SPY GEAR?

Cliff
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Re: Mine detectors

If they're the mine detectors I think you're talking about, some shit in Somerset bodged together bits of golf gadgets BUT the MOD were not among his customers. IIRC, they were mostly in countries where witchcraft/magic still has a public consciousness (and buyers were happy to take a kickback, quite possibly).

That man is a first class shit, though, and should spend the rest of his life in a small cell with Andrew Wakefield. Get Mbeki in there too, for his AIDS denialist business which killed appx 300,000++ people.

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Turnbull should spare us all airline-magazine-grade cloud hype

Cliff
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Re: Why not "the" cloud?

Don't get to caught up in semantics, it's all just marketing guff for 'offsite server' anyway.

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ASA raps 'F*CK YOU GOOGLE' vlogger + chums over VIDEO LICKFEST

Cliff
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Re: Vloggers, as we’re apparently meant to call them now,

You were close with 'twats', but the OED-recognised term is 'twunts'.

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Dawn raids on Orange over TROMBONING allegations were fine, rules EU court

Cliff
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Re: Tromboning?

Only the reg can make a pretty dull event seem exiting and smutty all at once - congratulations!

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Mighty Blighty broadbanders beg: Let us lay cable in BT's, er, ducts

Cliff
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Are they actually a monopoly? Is there anything to stop TalkTalk from digging their own holes and laying their own fibres? I seem to remember Birmingham Cable had a whole (fibre?) network of ducts etc for instance. Or is that the expensive and inconvenient bit nobody wants to do and is hoping to get for free?

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Everything your users ever need to know about BYOD

Cliff
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Re: A banking app that requires a 5-digit passcode?

Bloody hell. That's insane.

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