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* Posts by Doogie Howser MD

70 posts • joined 9 Jun 2008

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HP: We're so down wid da kidz! Look at... er, Smithers, what DO yoof look at these days?

Doogie Howser MD

13 months in Bracknell?

When working for HP is not torture enough!

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Winklevoss twins flash their Winkdex at Bitcoin price-trackers

Doogie Howser MD
Happy

Collective Noun

I thought the collective noun for more than Winklevoss was Winkelvi? Did we not learn that from the movie?

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Virgin Media's flaky broadband network turns Bolton off

Doogie Howser MD
Thumb Down

Careful with that fault ticket, Eugene

Time will indeed tell if this has been fixed. I've had the same issue and I'm in the BL5 postcode for about that length of time. We've had a new SuperHub 2, we've had engineer calls, filters fitted, old lines terminated, lamps rubbed and various other excuses/fixes.

The engineer's parting shot was that this area is being upgraded to a faster speed, hence the outages. Sounds like a load of bollocks to me, but I'm too weary to argue anymore. That and plus every time I call customer services and someone in India answers, I just immediately hang up.

Always goes off the same time mind, round 1640 and 1940 every day, like clockwork. Even the main tool in the troubleshooting arsenal, turning it off and on again, makes no difference and you just have to wait it out.

I have to say that when it was NTL, we had two faults in about 10 years, so no grumbles from me. Stop pratting around with space ships Richard, and keep the home fires burning.

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Storage overlord EMC announces growth, plans to slash 1,000 jobs

Doogie Howser MD
WTF?

BRIC+13?

Go on, I know what BRIC is, what is BRIC+13?

And no, I can't be arsed Googling it. Someone just tell me in plain English, if you please.

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You're fired: Lord Sugar offloads faded PC builder Viglen to XMA

Doogie Howser MD
Happy

Bring out the gimp

"But the gimp's gone cycling...."

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Virgin Media spanked by ad watchdog over 'in your neighbourhood' fibs

Doogie Howser MD

False Bonhomie

Quite apart from all the other complaints about VM, I'm sick of their false matey bonhomie when you have the temerity to e-mail or tweet them about problems or issues with your service. I don't want to be your fucking friend, just fix the service I pay you good money for and give me a bit more respect.

That is all.

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Chocolate Factory plans Oz Loon trials: reports

Doogie Howser MD
Happy

Just me, or..?

Did anyone else read the headline and think it was some IT project centred around crazy people. Where I work, we just call those "projects".

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Merry Christmas? Not for app devs: That gold rush is officially OVER

Doogie Howser MD

Quantity vs Quality

Maybe slightly OT and probably said already, but what the hell.

Apple and Google claiming to have 10 zillion apps in their stores to download/buy is pretty meaningless. Like one earlier poster, I installed about a dozen apps on my new 2014 SGN 10.1 and I had a hard time spending the rest of my Google Play balance (boosted by a couple of KitKat code wins).

The rest of the apps are either shite, duplicates of something else, totally pointless (Bane voice changer, I'm looking at you) or have the annoying in-app purchase thing that other posters have added their ire to already.

I just don't think the vast majority of mobile apps have got anything new to say. And +1 on the app permissions too, some of them are frankly ridiculous.

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Brit graphene maker poised to go public: Yes, wonder stuff WILL float

Doogie Howser MD
Thumb Up

Good luck

Quite apart from anything else, good luck to those folks trying to build a high tech industry in the North East. The folks up there have struggled long enough since the downturn in the mining etc industries.

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BlackBerry on the brink: Security kink sinks rinky-dink Link sync in a blink

Doogie Howser MD
Thumb Up

Again, top marks for use of "rinky dink", which as I recall is only usually found in Pink Panther cartoon theme songs.

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NetApp chucks sueball at upstart rival Nimble Storage, former staffers

Doogie Howser MD

Re: No surprise

Yeah but crack tastes goooood, baby!

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Doogie Howser MD

No surprise

I once saw a Nimble demo at a VMUG meeting and couldn't believe how much like NetApp their boxes were. Same tech, different name. This might just be the start of more.

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Facebook crashes into networking with open switch

Doogie Howser MD
Happy

Agreed!

Dick Jones will be spinning in his grave at this misappropriation of a once great company's acronym.

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Enterprising 'early adapter' tries to hawk Google Glass on eBay

Doogie Howser MD
Happy

What after this?

Google Monacle, as approved by Chris Eubank?

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Strategic SIEGE ROBOTS defeated by 'heavily intoxicated' man, 62

Doogie Howser MD
Devil

Should have sent in ED209

He doesn't piss about, just fires a gazillion rounds of lead into the would be perp, asks questions later. Just don't ask him to "do" stairs.

"Someone call a Goddamn paramedic!"

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Vodafone cash supply choked as Europe tightens pursestrings

Doogie Howser MD
Thumb Up

Re: nope

I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment, but it so happens Vodafone have been fingered for it. Do we know for sure the other operators don't employ similar practices? Seems to be a lot more widespread than we thought.

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The Register: Our all-new app now available for Android

Doogie Howser MD
Joke

Careful!

The dude moderating this is called Phil Mitchell, so if you are having trouble distinguishing real life from soap operas, you might get two sweaty, balding cockney types coming around your house to give you a good old fashioned knuckle dusting. That being said, didn't one of them call the police in real life when his ex-wife beat him up? Hmm..quaking in my boots now? Not so much.

Oh, and +1 for Google Currents, great suggestion for whoever said it.

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We're not making this up: Apple trademarks the SHOP

Doogie Howser MD
Happy

Re: NO

..."There's no liiimmmiiiiittsss!"

Thanks for transporting me back to my 90's pomp, ukgnome ;-)

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Apple releases iOS 6.1, adds LTE carriers, tweaks security

Doogie Howser MD
FAIL

Re: So I take it...

Morning Malcolm. I *do* own Apple kit, so your assumption is manifestly incorrect. Not that I'm that arsed, but I just thought I'd point it out.

I just don't like corporate bullies such as Apple (and Google to a slightly lesser extent) and I rejoice when they get stuff wrong (yes, that means Google too).

It's just a joke, move along and get over it.

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Doogie Howser MD
Devil

So I take it...

..Apple Maps is still shafted then?

Oh well. Mwah ha haaaaaa....

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Ministry of Fun builds crack team to juice up bumpkin broadband

Doogie Howser MD
Trollface

There you go again..

..with your use of the pejorative "bumpkin" term, you bunch of 1970's, bullying, burning cross tossing bigots.

Ah, on the other hand, who cares? Those bothered, go outside and breathe in the air. Hurry back in though, the infamous "Max as Jimmy Savile" episode of the Tweenies is about to start!

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UK 4G auction kicks off in total silence

Doogie Howser MD

Re: Who cares? Who will pay?

I think charges will end up being what the market will bear. Right now there is a single 4G operator, a small list of compatible handsets and the fees are ludicrous.

If folks have any sense in these belt tightening times, they'll hang fire until data charges drop to a reasonable level and the whole market levels out. Will take a few years, mind.

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BT in £52m contract tussle: West Country bumpkins hit with broadband delay

Doogie Howser MD
Stop

Careful now..

If you go round calling folks "Bumpkins", you'll get someone on with a stick up their arse calling you a racist. Believe me, I've seen it happen!

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Office 2013 now available for some home users

Doogie Howser MD
Facepalm

Is there anyone left..

..who gives a shit about new versions of Office? Won't be long now before the shrink wrapped product is largely dead. I use Google Docs for all my stuff now (except highly confidential stuff, obviously. Only a Hmong would put that in the cloud) and I find that all the buttons I ever use (bold, underline, bullet, justify) work just fine and do not require me to remove wads of cash from my trousers for the benefit of Billy G.

Hardly even news. I work for a 50,000+ employee company, and we're not even fully off XP+Office 2003 yet!

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Moody's slashes HP's credit rating

Doogie Howser MD
Thumb Down

"They're Just Opinions"

I wouldn't worry too much about what Moody's say, it could be argued that they colluded with other financial institutions to cause the Great Financial Meltdown of 2008. Watch "Inside Job" with Matt Damon and see what I mean. People are trading stocks on what Moody's say, and the bottom line is, it's all collusion and bullshit. Moody's staff stated in official hearing that credit ratings are "just opinions", which is handy when your pension fund goes down the shitter.

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A hundred Brit IT bods' jobs under threat at Direct Line

Doogie Howser MD
Joke

Firing 100 staff to save £100m?

Wow, not surprised they're cutting back if they're paying their IT wonks £1m a year!

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CSC axes doctor support software in the UK

Doogie Howser MD
Headmaster

Not necessarily...

I'd have to say there's no silver bullet to this problem. I worked in the NHS many moons ago, and it seemed to me from afar that GP systems were poor value for money for the taxpayer. That being said, what is the alternative? All major vendors have canned products at the drop of a hat when sales are struggling or they just don't think it sexy anymore, regardless of how wedded you are to it and where it leaves you when the lights go out.

The only thing to do is find some kind of middle ground, meaning if you do get shafted either by a vendor or the in house systems get canned because of internal NHS politics, make sure your data is in a format in which it can be easily transported from A to B.

Not defending private enterprise in the slightest, but if you offer criticism you also need to offer constructive suggestions.

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VMware CEO exile rumour: Not a punishment for Maritz

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Crapita ITS stomps pay rise hope, flushes 2012 bonuses

Doogie Howser MD
WTF?

"We can't boil an ocean?"

Surely a new one from the business lexicon of bullshit? Why can't management speak plain English anymore?

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Brazil, China trample UK in virtualization gold rush

Doogie Howser MD
Headmaster

Apples vs Oranges?

I'm not sure there's too much to be learned from this report, after all, how we do biz in the UK is markedly different than how we do it than the Germans say (and I'm not getting political on your ass here) and certainly the BRIC countries. Maybe we don't virtualise as much, but of all the customers I see with "legacy" systems, they work, they're cost effective and they're reliable. In this economy, you'll need a better reason to "innovate" when systems are already good enough.

As regards Mexicans downloading all sorts, might this be because they take a slightly more ahem..."relaxed" view on licencing? Never been to or worked in Mexico, but I doubt with all their internal strife (kidnappings, gangs and drug culture) that much of the national budget is spent on software licencing compliance, a la FAST.

Move on, nothing to see here...

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Feds probe alleged World Cup bid email hack

Doogie Howser MD
FAIL

2012?

Don't you mean 2022 in Qatar?

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Eurozone crisis: We're all dooomed! Here's why

Doogie Howser MD
Big Brother

CDS's

Good article Tim, some interesting thoughts there. I would however disagree with your comment that Credit Default Swaps were "that system worked for a decade". That it "worked" is a stretch, I'd probably argue that the only reason they went on so long is because there was a bit more liquidity in the system, hence it sort of hid the problem until the liquidity ran out. Fundamentally though, it's a flawed concept that got swept along in the euphoria.

For those interested in this sort of thing, I highly recommend "Inside Job". It's only 90 minutes long, and it will make your f**king bloody boil.

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Ryanair ponders in-air mucky movie service

Doogie Howser MD
Happy

I would have thought this would have been more appropriate..

...for a carrier such as Aer Cunni-lingus?

No?

Coat please, goodnight! ;-)

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Darth Vader mounts defence of doomed empire

Doogie Howser MD
Joke

Shame Alec Guinness Still Isn't Around..

..we could have hired him to wear a robe and wave his hand at the screen saying "this isn't the electrical retailer you're looking for"..

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Steve Jobs memorial brings out tech titans... and Bono

Doogie Howser MD
Mushroom

It's Bono's fault anyway

He clicked his fingers again and God picked Steve. Probably.

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Which actor should play Steve in upcoming biopic?

Doogie Howser MD
Stop

Count Eccleston Out

By his insistence on using his Salford accent for all roles (not that there's anything wrong with that mind). Can you imagine him at the Apple keynote saying "To get your tunes, you have to use t'clickwheel"?

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London 2012 Olympics: 17000 athletes, 11000 computers

Doogie Howser MD
Thumb Down

Time for the obvious response

Kapoor's Tower is a vertical pile of shit that just doesn't fit architecturally. Just sayin'.

My 8 year old could have designed something 10 times as good for a fraction of the price. With his hands tied behind his back. And a blindfold on. And drugged. Holding a crayon with his toes.

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Amazon intros $199 movie Kindle

Doogie Howser MD
Thumb Up

"giant fuck-off web proxy"

+1

The joys of the English language!

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Brits not keen on 3D, reveals poll

Doogie Howser MD
Trollface

And in other news...

Bear shits in woods, Dolly Parton sleeps on back, Bobby Charlton tips hairdresser. Did it need a survey to reveal the country's apathy to 3D? HD is only just becoming mainstream because the content is there, who wants to sit in front of a telly looking like Ray Charles?

Now when Babestation 3D starts, I might change my mind ;-)

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MPs label police IT 'not fit for purpose'

Doogie Howser MD
WTF?

Oh the irony!

Politicians telling someone else they're not fit for purpose! In the words of the great Edmund Blackadder, I'm glad I'm wearing my corset, otherwise I'm sure my sides would have split with the laughter!

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.Scot campaign seeks UK Gov backing

Doogie Howser MD
WTF?

"Scots say domain will pay for itself"

Loosely translated as "let's get the stupid f**king English to pay for this too!"

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Al Gore wants to borrow your Facebook and Twitter accounts

Doogie Howser MD
Stop

Get a life, Al.

Fuck off, Al. Instead of patronising us with questionable climate change mumbo jumbo, why not do something infinitely more useful and more immediate like sorting out those reckless pricks on Wall Street?

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JP Morgan has a Playmobil moment

Doogie Howser MD
FAIL

Kids would do a better job

Dunno about anyone else, but I'm sick of these financial fuckwits spunking someone else's cash chasing stupid dreams. We could do worse than get a bunch of kids in to look at the world's finances using their in built brutally honest appraisals of everything in life.

"You want us to spend money we don't have? That's stupid!"

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Ashley Highfield quits Microsoft, becomes Scotsman boss

Doogie Howser MD
WTF?

What's this guy's secret?

Hoovering up piles of cash and not apparently too effective at what he does, looking at past articles. I'm clearly in the wrong game!

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Amazon tackles soaring textbook prices

Doogie Howser MD
Paris Hilton

Dave Limp?

Is that his porn star name? Haw haw!!!

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Facebook elbows past Microsoft in UK

Doogie Howser MD
Headmaster

Damn statistics?

Yeah, but how many hits do Google and Bing/Microshite get from default home pages of web browsers?

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Booze for wrinklies: Good or bad?

Doogie Howser MD
Pint

Everything in moderation, dear friends

Most things in small doses won't cause too much harm - drinking, exercising, smoking, masturbating etc. Still, attempting them all at the same time probably isn't a bright idea.

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Cisco, Microsoft, NetApp chum up against VMware

Doogie Howser MD
WTF?

"Journey to the cloud"?

I'm sick of hearing such vacuous and pretentious bollocks. You need to have a word with yourself, mate.

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Report reveals patchy ICT provision in schools

Doogie Howser MD
Thumb Down

Dixons?

And a senior staffer for Dixons is the best candidate to perform this task how?

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The Professionals set to abseil into cinema

Doogie Howser MD
Boffin

Step forward The Stath

I would have thought Jason Statham will get in there somewhere, as he's contracted to Lionsgate for some stuff, and he's a bit cockney and well, has got typecast kicking people around as a bit of a geezer.

Like others, I doubt it'll see the light of day, and if it does, it'll most likely be shite. Still, one from my very young days, so a bit nostalgic none the less ;-)

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