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* Posts by Khaptain

1699 posts • joined 4 May 2008

Kiwi jetpack gets all-clear for manned tests

Khaptain
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You could nip down to the "not so local, say 30kms away - where that fine secretary drinks" pub, have a pint or three, get back , park the jetpack in the garage, quietly, and the missus would think you had only been out walking the dog....

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Bug-finder chucked for posting to Zuck

Khaptain
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Re: Pay the guy!

"And re-instate his account, of course."

He is far better of without it.....

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Fiendish fake Flash plugin squirts grumble-flick ads into kiddies' websites

Khaptain
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Easy solution

All that needs done is to do is ban "children"... It would be far easier than banning everthing else and the internet could go on as normal.

Just how does one get in contact with David in order to share this little miracle cure.

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Facebook's request to the flash industry: 'Make the worst flash possible'

Khaptain
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Re: I'd buy that

"Hmmm anals and whopper eh? Maybe use annals and big next time...you got Paris all excited."

Lol, The spell checker was feeling horny....

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Khaptain
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Re: I'd buy that

"but I don't dare throw away, because I might need that data someday."

No need to worry, 1980's porn has evolved, today we have moving pictures........

PS : I have upgraded, replaced all of my drives, work and home, with SSDs. ( Well except for the the USB archive/backup attached to the NAS). I don't even remember the sound of the click, click, scratch, screech as data is being trawled from the anals of the highly defragged IDE 30 Mb "whopper" of a drive......

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Obama appoints intelligence boss to run 'independent' review of NSA

Khaptain
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I think it is time that you asked for a refund, you were sold goods that were unfit for the purpose.

For the me the irony begins when we think about how the west likes to ridicule the like of Iran or NK....There really is no need to look further than ones own doorstep.

The results will run along the lines of "We took a long hard look, we studied the ins and outs and we have come to the decision that in the name of 'keeping the people safe from the terrorists" it is the only viable solution, now please STFU, go home and keep watching television"......

I wonder when Obama will start handing out Ass-Dildos to the US public....

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100,000+ Earthlings star in 'reality TV contest' for ONE-WAY ticket to MARS

Khaptain
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Re: Reality show producers wet dream

Pioneer as in "We have already made a mess of the earth, why not export our shit elsewhere as well".....

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Khaptain
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Reality show producers wet dream

I can't even begin to imagine how "exciting" this must be for the producers. There is a very strong chance that everyone will simply die..... Whether they eventually get their or not. The question lies in how long the whole affair will last. ( Yes, I know that everyone dies eventually anyway)

If they die during take off, the producers are f****ed, too quick, no profit.

If they die half way across, this would lead to a major anti-climax, several months of nothing , then death....boring.. This would make it difficult to get funds for EarthToMars2...

The best most exciting, largest audience, think sponsorships, would be death upon orbital entry.....This way no one would have to fund boring daily routines on Mars and everyone would have had their fill.

I don't possess a television so I guess that I will never become a sponsor to the madness.... Why would anyone even consider being sent to a barren planet.....

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Oracle Team USA sailors admit breaking America's Cup rules

Khaptain
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Re: Any word on exactly what the illegal modifications were?

It seems a little bit incredible that none of the management were aware of anything.. I can't imagine for a moment that making changes to these boats is a trivial affair that can easilly be hidden.. Unless of course they have some miracle drugs that would make even Lance Armstrong jealous.....

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Google Glass: Would you pay a mere $299 to plop one on your brow?

Khaptain
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Price not the problem

Personally I wouldn't pay for the Google Glass, not would I wear it. What is most worrying though, is that there will be some twats that will pay and I want to know how to avoid being "recorded" by them.

I never really cared about this thing called "privacy", but recently I feel that is becoming very important.

Google is becoming synonymous with everything that I hate about "commercialism"....

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You're 30 years old and your PIN is '1983'. DAMMIT, biz mobe user

Khaptain
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Re: It's goes to 11, see?

I had a user in my office this week that had forgotten their PIN code even though it was their own anniversary.

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Wall St 'Likes' Facebook again: Shares edge up to pre-IPOcalypse price

Khaptain
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Beware beware

Beware beware the ides of March July/August...

Pride before a fall Wall Street collapse.

[Mike Myers] "Cor! This coffee rebound smells like shit!"

And a multitude of other proverbs...........

I can understand speculation on the likes of coffee, sugar and tea, but Facebook is a whole other ballgame..... i will never understand the stock market...

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Wikileaker Bradley Manning's court martial verdict expected today

Khaptain
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Re: This is about a Soldier under an Oath of Fealty...

Would you simply prefer that the Good Ol USA continue to spy on all and sundry at their pleasure.....

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Exposed: RSPCA drills into cops' databases, harvests private info

Khaptain
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That's nice

Who's next PETA, Animal liberation fund, I Luv Noddy group ?

if I make a donation can I also request the criminal background details of my neighbours ?

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Siemens to throw CEO overboard after profits slashed a FIFTH time

Khaptain
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The official reason

Since this is a megcorp I presume that the official internal memo will read along the lines that the "CEO is leaving in order to persue familly accomplishments".

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Microsoft introduces warning on child abuse image searches

Khaptain
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Search Terms

How do they know the search terms that peados use, or drugs users , or thiefs etc ....

I imagine that the criminal underworld have their own terms, synonyms etc for their wares.

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'Fat Wallet Bob' leaves Apple tech chief spot for Special Projects Bureau

Khaptain
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Re: Bob the builder works for Apple ?

No, I don't think that they do. That's what so special about Bob, he is the 2nd highest earner. As the article stated that only Larry Ellison earns more...

Bob the Builder is not a CEO, he is just an employee ( OK he was on the comex).....but that still makes for one hell of a salary.

This is the Forbes list for CEO's ( not employees).

http://www.forbes.com/lists/2012/12/ceo-compensation-12_rank.html

I couldn't even find a list for employees.

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Khaptain
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Flame

Bob the builder works for Apple ?

I wonder who pays Apple enough money that they can afford to pay one of their employees that kind of money ?

Fanboi mania, some people are just laughing all the way to the bank.

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Apple: 'Average' iPad toiler does a mere 46-hour week

Khaptain
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85 Million requirements.

Elsewhere on El Reg today, we read about Builder Bob earning 85 Million a year.......I wonder how much these factory workers would be happy to know that.....

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Kids LIE about age on Facebook, gasps Brit ad watchdog

Khaptain
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Re: A true shocker

>Even my kids now have zombie accounts

Kinda makes you wonder how mean "real" accounts actually exist.

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Comrade! If you dare f$%^ing swear on the internet, WE'LL SHOOT

Khaptain
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Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

"If aliens landed and saw how we use the web they'd leave for another 10,000 years."

It's true that the web does have its "DailyFail" side of things..... I suppose at the end of the day it probably is quite representive of society. ( That's a depressing thought and it's only Monday)

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Khaptain
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Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

Quick get Martin off of the web and into that Kindegarten immediately. He might actually be suffering ffrom an immediate strain of SwearWordsOntheWeb.......

He came to El Reg and expected "nice"...... OMFG, WTF......Faint, swoon, fetch me some water..... We have a believer..

Nah, but seriously Martin, most of the Web does not contain profanity and you are free to browse only the content that you desire, simples really. There are lots of nice Christian websites, some might even be orientated towards IT. If not why not start some up...

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Khaptain
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What is wrong with the children ?

If the children need so much protection it must be because the government got things wrong in the first place.

If that is the case, then the govenrnment should be changed because they are the ones that are in need of protect, from themselves.

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Wow! British Gas bungs a million remote-controlled sales-droids in UK homes

Khaptain
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@Amorous Cowherder

Isn't a fridge a bit redundant in Scotland ?

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New in Android 4.3: At last we get a grip on privacy-invading crApps

Khaptain
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Re: Google Switch

@Bakunin

Are you "absolutely" sure about what you are saying or are you new to the game?

Will your solution really stop "Wifi" location being sent to Google, directly or indirectly through third part apps.

Will it also stop GPS location information being sent to google.

If I were to find a wireshark equivalant, you are saying that, I could be assured that by turning of "syncing for the Google account." no traffic would any longer be sent to google.

C'mon wake up man, there is far more to google/android than your contact list and porn browsing habits.

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Khaptain
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Google Switch

Is there also a BIG button which can be used to stop the phone/addressbook/browser/etc from phoning home to Google with user stats.

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Deadly Spanish train disaster exploited by malware mail scumbags

Khaptain
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Major tabloids no better

I have never bought a tabloid newspaper for exactly the same reason. The people that exploit these situations are no worse that those that consume it....

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Guinness: Have a quick bonk over the bar and receive FREE BEER

Khaptain
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Pint

Re: To the Tavern!

Real men don't wear iPhones.....

but they do drink these ------>>>>>>>

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London Mayor shows off GIANT BLUE COCK in busy square

Khaptain
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Frenchy stuff coming up

Just to let you know, the standard joke in France relating to the "Why the cock is the national symbol".

Because it is the only animal, that even while standing both feet in the shit, continues to sing.

Et maintenant en Francais

"Parce que c'est le seul animal qui, même quand il a les pieds dans la merde, continue à chanter."

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MYRA HINDLEY found working in Capita's benefits & revenues unit

Khaptain
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Re: So basically

It's Friday, the El Reg hacks are tired and it's almost Pub o'Clock.

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Indian military pondered attack on Venus and Jupiter

Khaptain
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Don't the planets "fly" slightly slower than UFOs and also represent a much larger masse.? ( Deathstar not included)

Also, the military must have some major doubts about their radar detection in order to mistake a planet for an "invador".....

I can imagine the pilots reaction when realising that his target was approxiamtely 750 000 000 million kms away. "Base, I don't think that our heatseekers are up to the job, we will need something a little bit more interstellar, returning to base".

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Android 'Master Key' DEMON APPS sniffed out in China

Khaptain
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Re: At the rish of being downvoted into Oblivion

<quote>AFAIK, having the master keys mean that each and every Android device is open to being attacked. Changing the keys would be next to impossible (AFAIK).</quote>

They are not open to attack UNLESS the user installs some dodgy software from bad sources.

HOWEVER, should any of this software end up on the Google Play Store then that really could be a nightmare. ( I am thinking repackaged Angry Birds or whatever the next fad game will be)

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Swisscom chief dead in apparent suicide

Khaptain
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Re: Always on culture

It is far too early to know the real reasons for the suicide, I presume that within the next few weeks we will learn about some stealing, cheating, sordid affairs etc etc .that he was involved in......

There have been a few high profile cases recently in Switzerland and I can't imagine that this will be any different.

William Hill should start taking bets on the real reason, it would be far more interesting than taking bets over a baby's name.

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One month on, Edward Snowden cleared to leave Moscow airport

Khaptain
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Oportunity knocks

I wonder if he managed to snaffle any of the Russians secrets during his stint in the airport ?

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Boffins: Dolphins call each other NAMES. Not RUDE ones!

Khaptain
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Re: to see if the named fish responded?

<quote>

For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much — the wheel, New York, wars and so on — whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time.

But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man — for precisely the same reasons.

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

</quote>

Douglas Adams knew a long time ago that Dolphins were very special.......

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E-shopkeepers stabbed with SQL needles 'twice' as much as other sites

Khaptain
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Re: Politician's 'perfect 'solution for a 'perfect world'

Looks like someone posted to the wrong forum......

Or was it the word "injection" that got you going.....

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Nokia flops out its 4G, 4.7-inch WHOPPER: The Lumia 625

Khaptain
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Happy

Re: Some daring

Buck Futter,

You must belong to that strange minority that doesn't try new gadgets with your gloves on............especially the sheepskin mitten variety......when they are wet and slightly frozen.......

My God lad, don't you do an UAT.

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Symantec snaps up PasswordBank, touts SSO logins to biz

Khaptain
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Corporate Policy

Our Corporate Policy requires password to be changed quite often and on a regular basis. I used an SSO for a few weeks and i found it to be more of a PITA than storing my passwords in Keepass.

I have been a heavy Keepass user for years and I think i will remain that way.

I wonder how far Symantec can be trusted these days, Passwords "backed up" in the cloud........the word trust does not spring to mind..

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Oi, Google, you ate all our Wi-Fi keys - don't let the spooks gobble them too

Khaptain
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Don't forget Cisco + Linksys

I think it will be safe to assume that Cisco + Linksys have also been pwned by the NSA several years ago. This would give the PRISMERATI a nice direct access to your home equipment...

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PHWOAR! Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, Prime Minister

Khaptain
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Technically Literate Children

Children have endless amounts of imagination and lots of time on their hands. They will persue the web endlesssly looking for ways to circumvent these kinds of restrictions, sloqwly but surely they will find the method/program/proxy etc etc . When they do find the circumvention method they will then spend hours circulating that information to other children.......

During this time dear old Mater and Pater are completely oblivious and feel quite smug that their children are apparently protected from the "horrors" of the web.

Never treat children like fools, they will show you up every time...... Imagination is far more powerfull that any lock will ever be...

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Khaptain
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One end is for the computer, the other is for the wall, if you mix them up your data will flow the wrong way.

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Ubuntuforums.org cracker promises no password release

Khaptain
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Re: He's still a tool.

The chuch and the slaughterhouse are equal targets, the principal remains the same. Once you are throught the locked gates however what you do with the "swag" is very important.

There is no point in saying that Sputn1ck was wrong because it does not change the fact that the deed has been done. It is far more imoportant to discuss what can be done in order to prevent further replication or how to avoid making the swag worthwhile.

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SkyDrive on par with C: Drive in Windows 8.1

Khaptain
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FAIL

Ironic, you start of by calling everyone grumpy ol bastards then you proceed to demonstrate what's not good about SkyDrive.

By the way, did you actually read the article, SkyDrive will become the "default drive", in other words it's not a backup device at that moment, it becomes your "principal" and therefore "unique" copy of whatever file you are working on......

And pray tell, what solution is available to you when SkyDrive goes titsup..

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Khaptain
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That damned cloud again

If the wisdom of MS is pushing us towards the cloud, we would probably be far better of using ChromeOS, at least it was written intentionally for the cloud.

MS are treading on very thin ice, if it breaks they will sink......

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Secret ROYAL BABY birth VIDEO leaked! (And other malware scams)

Khaptain
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Carefull don't go dumping all of your dead bodies in the same bag.

The English might have an obsesssion for the royalty, I am not so sure that any else really cares.

The Scottish : Well the queen owns some nice property but thats about it as far as the Scots are concerned.

The Irish ( Northern Irish), have a very split idea of things.......touchy subject depending on your faith ;-)

The Welsh - I dont have the foggiest idea what they think, although I can imagine that they don't benefit very much from the Royal Entourage either....

The term "British" is actually a very vague term.... It all depends on the subject whether or not it concerns everyone that lives on the island(s).

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Khaptain
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Scam Titles

I am sure that the El Reg readership could come up with some interessting title for the scamware emails.

Example :

* Duchess of Cambridge bares her finest asset whilst giving birth.

* Is the baby bald or has the Duchess just had a brazilian.

* The Duchess of Cambridge in stirrups, as you have never seen her before.

et cetera....

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How do you drive a supercomputer round a Formula 1 track?

Khaptain
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Re: Pffft, can anything on google maps these days :D

When you are tripping, geographical location has no relevance :-)))))

<---- Mines the Techni-Coloured Dream Coat....

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Khaptain
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Re: Pffft, can anything on google maps these days :D

The above link translates to approxiamtely 6.4 miles north of woodstock.... wonder if it was initially developed by some aging hippies trying to determine the maximum speed at which a joint could be successfully lit..

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Verity's summer songs for programmers: Sing your pals to sleep()

Khaptain
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In memory of Steve Ballmer

To the tune of L. Cohen - Hallelujah)

Now I heard there was a secret code.

That a monkey typed and it pissed the Lord.

But you dont really care for good code do ya.

He typed and he flailed

Till the compiler failed

He smashed his screen and he threw his chair

and the stressed out Steve he cried out loud

I hate computers , I hate computers,

I hate computers , I hate computers.........

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