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* Posts by Khaptain

2033 posts • joined 4 May 2008

Don't listen to Snowden ... Intel: We've switched on CPU crypto for Hadoop

Khaptain
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Black Helicopters

Cloudy cloud

If it's in the cloud, I don't see how's it possible to retain any form of garauntee.

A cracker requires time before he cracks your code.

Give a safecracker time and he will enter your safe.

The cloud is the element of "time" that is required for the <insert agency/pirate here> to be successfull in pwning your data.

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Microsoft admits: We WON'T pick the next Steve Ballmer this year

Khaptain
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First decision - Split the company

Microsoft has reached it's critical mass, the company should be split into independant entities, each entity with it's own CEO.

Entities : Server and business tools + cloudy stuff, Home platforms + Phones , Applications ( Office ), Gaming and Hardware.

Each entity should remain independant but remain within a commonly shared objective.

I would suggest that One (Wo)Man to Rule them All is no longer valid, the risk for not doing so: implosion..

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Two Brits face criminal trial for sending 'menacing' tweets

Khaptain
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Re: Do you send tweets?

I would suggest neither. I was always under the impression that you simply "tweet".

John tweeted Sally.

Sally re-tweeted John's tweet to Jane.

Jane got upset at the tweet and decided to tweet John directly.

[All sounds just a bit cuckoo really]

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Apple CEO Cook breaks YEARS OF SILENCE, finally speaks to El Reg hack

Khaptain
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Re: What about Tim Cook

>Huh?

Have a look at the little icon on the right hand side, there might have been a little bit of tongue in cheek involved.....

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Khaptain
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Coat

What about Tim Cook

Tim Cook was even worse, he tried to "emulate" steve by wearing the jeans and the turtlenecks.... Steve was bad enough with his haircuts etc but it is even worse that someone would want to copy the whole look.

Windows/DOS = Variation of *nix with nicer desktop ( debateable with TIKAM).

MacOs = Variation of *nix with nicer desktop.

Android = Variation of *nix with nicer desktop.

Digital/Dec Vax = A true outsider.

Therefore MacOs, Android and Windows are step brothers/sisters.

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Twitterers rally round #CensoredUK - to demand MORE PORN

Khaptain
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We have been on this earth for approx 200 000 years, there was no internet during that time ( minus the last 20 odd years) and yet we managed.....

If you or your children need the internet to learn about sex then your/their problems are far bigger than "learning about sex from the internet".

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Khaptain
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Conundrum

If they block all of the pricks, cunts and twats from the web won't that also block Downing street and the houses of parliament..

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Brilliant Brit bloke builds breakfast-belching BACON DRONE

Khaptain
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Re: Resolve afghanistan war

@Bloakey1

There's a little bit of Blott hiding in there somewhere.

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Khaptain
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Resolve afghanistan war

Send these guys to Afghanistan immediately, if nothing else the Taliban and the soldiers would have a good laugh and maybe put an end to that stupid war.

Would need to swap the bacon for something else though...

Great project, works well , done with humor. Well done guys you have managed to tick off all the correct boxes.

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Steelie Neelie: EU biz can use YOUR private data WITHOUT PERMISSION

Khaptain
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Professional Lobbying

Should we therefore presume that Nelly has now been bought out by big business.

You will now get cheaper roaming charges at the expense of your private data.

Nelly had her own hidden agenda that is now coming to the surface....

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Pirate Bay ties up in Peru

Khaptain
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Sales Figures

Does this mean that the music industry et al will begin publishing massive increases in their sales figures, somehow I think not.

Rather than spending time and effort chasing the TPB, why not simply start producing quality music....instead of the plastic cheese attempts that we hear today...

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Apple fanbois warned: No, Cupertino HASN'T built a Bitcoin mining function into Macs

Khaptain
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Devil

The mightiest of the seven sins

Greed - it'll get them every time..

( Danté quoted Pride as being the worst sin, personally I would suggest Greed at least for 1st world countries.)

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You gotta fight for your copyright ... Beastie Boys sue toymaker over TV ad

Khaptain
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Headmaster

Re: Pretty much my thoughts too

"wronger" ?

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How Britain could have invented the iPhone: And how the Quangocracy cocked it up

Khaptain
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Re: The Black Swan Theory

I consider the Black Swan as being the unforseen and pathetic handling of the event by NESTA. NESTA appears to have had excellent goals and ideas and also to have been an ideal path to choose. Unfortunately for Fentem is didn't work out that way.

If Fentem has known in advance about how his case was going to be handled he would have probably attempted to achieve his funding from another source.

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Khaptain
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Thumb Up

The Black Swan Theory

This article is actually guite a good example of how Nissam Taleb's Black Swan theory is actually appropriate within contemporary societey. In this context we have the Black Swan personified by the quangos....

Success, as he wrote elsewhere in his book, has very little to do with actual logic, technical marvel or genuis level strategies it has far more to do with "pure chance" than anything else.

PS :Thumbs up for the article, it is an interesting insight into what goes on behind the scenes of what should/could produce some interesting ideas/technology.

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China's 'Airpocalypse' forces pilots to learn BLIND landings in smog

Khaptain
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Re: Obvious question

Upon reading that webpage it appears that they do not know how to tackle the problem !

Quote :

The concrete goals of the air pollution control plan are not clear, though Zhang Gong, deputy mayor of Beijing, has previously said that the central government requires his city to cut levels of PM2.5 (particulate matter up to 2.5µm in diameter) by 25% by 2017, compared with 2012.

‘While it is very necessary to increase efforts, more research should be done to support policies. Up until now, we still do not know exactly which factors are causing smog in Beijing,’ Ye tells Chemistry World.

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Khaptain
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Obvious question

What are they doing about the root cause oif the problem, the Smog?

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Oz couple get jiggy in pharmacy in 'banned' condom ad

Khaptain
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Penis Head

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans’ penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million.

The study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject.

They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect.

After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study.

The Aussies didnt really trust British or French studies.

So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00 ( 3 cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete.

They concluded that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead

[Joke hopelessly ripped from here]

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Khaptain
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Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

Stats to be found here

My sporrans made from beaver, it keeps it nice and dry..... Just don't ask what kind of beaver.....

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Khaptain
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Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

Aren't condoms sold in relation to the countries statistics.

ie : An Asian "Large" condom would be the equivalant of a very small Scottish condom. ( We wear Kilts for a reason, lol)

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Khaptain
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Re: Pathetic

@Vlad

And just what do you think that your girlfriend or wife is actually thinking about whilst you are "nuptualising"....

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Mandela memorial. Yup, let's SNAP A SELFIE, say grinning Obama, Cameron

Khaptain
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Re: Former prez George W Bush took the time to pose for a shot with U2 frontman Bono

Laurel and Hardy used to make people laugh, whereas this pair of arseholes just want to make us cry.

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Malware+pr0n surge follows police op to kill illicit streaming sites

Khaptain
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Pint

Re: "as fruitfull as shoveling snow around the north pole."

"I spent the majority of my time clearing snow from around the doors and external equipment to prevent us from freezing to death."

You've just made my day, beers all round...

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Khaptain
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Re: Agile hosting always wins

Resulting in huge amounts of taxpayers money being thrown into the wind.

Fighting piracy by these means is about as fruitfull as shoveling snow around the north pole.

On a more positive note, the fat cats at the top of these Acronym ridden agencies continue to earn small fortunes..... regardless of the outcome the boys at the top retain their jobs.

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Microsoft: Don't listen to 4chan ... especially the bit about bricking Xbox Ones

Khaptain
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Re: OK,

When you read the procedure it does not seem very possible to "accidently" enable this option especially step 5.

I can't blame MS for this one...

My car also has a semi-hidden menu that I learned about from a web forum BUT I choose to read up on the items before changing any of them. Blindly following theses kinds of procedures is often a recipe for disaster.

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Snapchat seeks to muzzle 'third founder' leaks in lawsuit over who invented it

Khaptain
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Money money money ( Abba in the background)

Isn't it strange how quickly friends become enemies when money is involved.

Question : how does he know about the technical details if he wasn't part of the original team ? Was he genuinley part of the team or did he "manage to obtain a copy of the details".

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OMG, Andrex KILLED the PUPPY! Not quilty, exclaim bog roll boys

Khaptain
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PETA

Where is PETA when you need them....

Puppy Eradication Troubles Arseholes

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This one time at Apple Camp... Tech titan offers to school US fanbois on coding

Khaptain
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Re: I just tried the course

I would suggest that what is most important is not one's capacity to code but one's capacity to reason logically. Anyone can learn to code, reasoning logically is another matter.

As an analogy, when I learned to speak French, I did not become Moliere or Hugo.

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Khaptain
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You can get one of the best paying jobs in the world.

That definately wouldn't be on par with what the coders in my company earn then.....

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Khaptain
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Re: A little information...

But off-shore workers produce some quirky software that didn't quite meet the specifications and asking them to make the relevant changes is like trying to skin a live whale with a plastic tortoise.

Said manager then leaves company or worse gets promoted according to the Peter Principal .

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PayPal 13 plead guilty to launching DDoS attacks

Khaptain
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Re: will the plea for clemency fall on deaf ears?

I can hear the bullets being inserted into the magazine already.....click, click, click.

Will the first accused please face the firing squad enter the accused box and swear at on the bible.

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WTF is... NFV: All your basestations are belong to us

Khaptain
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Re: If it walks like a duck...

Lawyers and anyone even remotely connected to Finance.

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iSPY: Apple Stores switch on iBeacon phone sniff spy system

Khaptain
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Re: Emptyness is always empty

Ok, that seems a bit more logical. I initially understood it aas simply being Apple studying the habits of their customers within the premises.

>instead of wandering around for 10 minutes then giving up, wandering another few minutes finding someone who can help and finding it is one aisle over from the first place you looked.

Agreed it really is a pain in the arse in the larger stores trying to find some specific items..

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Khaptain
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Emptyness is always empty

I do not know about other Apple stores but in Geneva the store is a relatively small affair, it is a T shape.

As you walk in there are the usual Macbooks, or whatever is A La Mode du Jour, on either side of you as you walk in. Then you arrive in the main area which has four large table upon which are spread the usual Macbooks, Ipads etc...

On the edges there are some more shelves/tables with some Imacs and in one corner there is a stand for accessories and on the opposite end the Macbar or whatever it is called.

In all honesty, it takes about 1.2 minutes to see the whole affair and everything just seems to be repeated/spread about everywhere.

It always appears that there are more apple staff than there are customers. It's genueinly a very boring affair.

I can't even begin to imagine the point of activating such a system for such a small surface. I can only presume that the Apple shops are much larger elsewhere but I can't for the life of me imagine what they stock more than the tiny Geneva shop stocks and what could possibly justify the requirement.

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Cheap 3D printer works with steel

Khaptain
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Synthetic Polymers

Let's see what happens when someone brings out a Synthetic Polymer printer. A la Glock.... Now that will be interesting.

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A whopping one in four Apple fanbois uses OBSOLETE TECH

Khaptain
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Holmes

Re: Warn Admen?

El Reg is an important tech site that helps us keep track of what is "useable" and what is not.

Anything that has been released from Github, less than 1 day ago can be considered as "useable"... albeit not quite bleeding edge.

Bleeding edge would require access to the source files, the compiler and the compile button.....

Everything else is Obsolete Tech...

Anything Apple is by default obsolete unless you have direct access to Steve Jobs expired brain waves ...( the next S version or C version is never far away). Apparently Apple have patented Steves brain waves and are currently preparing to store them in a special vault within the new anus loop building.

Even an El Reg article of less then 10 minutes old should be considered as Obsolete News...

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Lantern lights the way to web freedom for Great Firewall prisoners

Khaptain
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Re: US state department funding?

Agreed, the irony is unbearable.

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NSA sez NO to prez: Spooks ban Obama from using iPhones

Khaptain
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Re: Why don't buy yourself a small 30 minute UPS ?

@Stevie

That's a long time to wait for the power company to react, where do you live , Alaska or the Hebrides ?

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Khaptain
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Re: genuine question, do you need a landline?

@Stevie

Why don't buy yourself a small 30 minute UPS ? ( Unless of course you have long power cuts)....

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Khaptain
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Re: Europe is slightly better

I do not think that the comms are subsidised, what is definately true though is that competition between the operators is very dynamic and it has been for several years. The service, speed, equipment is pretty much the same for all operators, so the only difference that gives them any advantage is low prices.

The watchdog has also ensured that it is very easy to change providers and this has proved also to be an excellent opportunity for the end-customer.

Anyone in France with a television must pay a TV licence of 131 Euros per year, I dont have a TV so I do not pay it, but they are now thinking about making anyone with a computer/connection pay this licence.

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Khaptain
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Europe is slightly better

20Mb ADSL line ( Orange or SFR France) ( Land line is include din ofer with free calls to most of the world.

= 32 Euros per month.

Mobile telephone ( I make very few calls -- 20 Euros per month).

I don't have a television ( everything worthwhile is available on the web - as far as I am concerned)

Total = 52 Euros for internet, Landline + Mobile.

Which is slightly better than 408$ .......

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Boffins devise world's HARDEST tongue-twister

Khaptain
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Red lorry Yellow Lorry

See title, for me far more difficult.

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Japanese mobes to stop punters TXTing themselves under a bus

Khaptain
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Re: Darwinian thoughts

In the tube stations they could do what some of the French underground does, full length, full height plastic barriers. The barriers have doors which open only when the train is at a standstill and close before the train moves of... It avoids all of those meat-bag accidents....

Here is an example of a barriere

The stupid will eventually remove themselves and hopefully without any collateral damage..

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Khaptain
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Devil

Darwinian thoughts

Wouldn't it actually be better for the species as a whole to allow these people to continue using there devices whilst walking, or sleeping , or bathing or whatever it is that they are doing.

As long as they only risk killing themselves, then I am fine with the idea.

.

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Microsoft's new partner will TOUCH IT DOWN UNDER

Khaptain
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Synthetic Touchy Feely - No thanks

I miss the days when social networking involved going down the pub to have a pint and simply chatting with whoever was there. Why does "social" have to involve gadgets...

I met up with my brother this weekend through a familly gathering, he is a farcebook user and he explanied to me how one of our cousins is extremely chatty with him on FB. The cousion keeps him up to date with all the family trivia etc....

Funnily enough when they met, face to face, in that same social event this weekend they didn't have a single thing to say to each other....

If it has to be tactile then shaking hands is fine, if it has to be written then handwritten letters are fine, if it has to be said then talking face to face is fine...

El Reg is the exception though as it is not really Social Networking, it's just the Reg.

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NSA collects up to FIVE BILLION mobile phone locations daily

Khaptain
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Terminator

5 Billion

If they are only interested in certain people, 5 Billion signals still represents a hell of a lot of people, even at a 1000 signals pers person that still represents 5 Million people per day.

Totalitarianism is here and it's probably here to stay....

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Women crap at parking: Official

Khaptain
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Holmes

Back to the basics

So men were designed to be the hunters and women to me the mothers... I think that nature has known this for a long time already.

There is nothing intentionally derogatory about the above remark, so please abstain from the usual PC diatribe.

Of course there are exceptions, but they are after all just that, exceptions.

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Ink cartridge scammers forced to pen cheque for $AUD100k fine

Khaptain
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They got the wrong guys

When I first read the title, my immediate thoughts went to HP and Canon, the greatest scam artists ever....

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Report says Microsoft has divided CEO list into possibles and probables

Khaptain
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No TIFKAM bosses please

As long as the future CEO agrees to take away that , or at least give us a choice, damned TIFKAM interface he would get my vote ( If I had one that is).

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Weird PHP-poking Linux worm slithers into home routers, Internet of Things

Khaptain
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If they can detect it, then it won't take them too long before they manage to commercialise a "solution". By announcing something like this they are preparing ground for future product development.

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