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* Posts by Ralph B

1148 posts • joined 12 Apr 2007

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Drones CAN'T deliver goods ... oh. Air traffic control system backed by NASA, you say?

Ralph B
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Alert

A theoretical problem

Given the average drone's 20 minute maximum flight time limit, putting a number of them in a holding pattern over a busy location is hardly going to be workable plan, is it?

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LOHAN tin-rattles to a whopping £27,000 on Kickstarter

Ralph B
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Headmaster

Tankard?

Shouldn't a tankard have a handle? Isn't El Reg's one actually just a glass?

(Not complaining. I've got one on order. And I'd have another if I could.)

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Apple's SNEAKY plan: COPY ANDROID. Hello iPhone 6, Watch

Ralph B
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Pirate

Thief Magnet

Now that the Find-My-iPhone location/disabling tech has started to reduce iPhone thefts, I can see the next target-of-choice for muggers is going to be that big, shiny & expensive Apple Watch.

So, I won't be buying one. :-)

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Tinder sexual harassment suit settled in undisclosed deal

Ralph B
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Re: objectivifies potential sexual partners

Humans can have sex without "objectifying" each other. There's nothing wrong with an app that allows consenting adults to find sexual partners. I think the assumption that it requires objectification says more about you than it does about other people.

Well, since the Apple version of the Tinder app would have been written in Objective C, the company has certainly been "objectivying" the data of the potential sexual partners, at the very least. I think the assumption that I, as a Register commentard, might have been using the term "objectivying" in any other than a programming sense, says more about you than it does about me.

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Ralph B
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Quelle Surprise

So, it looks like the developer of an app that objectivifies potential sexual partners has been objectivifying his business partner. Who'd've thunk it?

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General Motors to intro HANDS-FREE DRIVING tech by 2016

Ralph B
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Worried? Me?

I mean, it's not as if GM would use defective parts (and deny the fact for a decade) for their self-driving cars, is it? So, nothing to worry about then.

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Nude celeb pics wrongly blamed for DDOS at New Zealand's largest ISP

Ralph B
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Click Bait

And the celebrity nudes angle? It's unverified. And likely a way to get you clicking on stories.

But El Reg caught me with it again. Curse 'em!

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Ballmer PERSONALLY wrote Windows' Blue Screen of Death text

Ralph B
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Re: Year Zero

I guess I'm getting downvotes because, on first impression, my post might look a bit spammy. It wasn't meant to be. I have no commercial connection with Rob Reid or his publisher. I just finished reading the book and rather enjoyed it. The "out-of-this-world" bit was not exagerated praise, it was just a reference to the non-terrestial influence on the development of MS Windows which is suggested in the epilogue of the book.

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Ralph B
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Alien

Year Zero

Commentards might like to read Year Zero - particularly the epilogue - for an out-of-this-world explanation of what has been going on with Microsoft Windows.

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Microsoft's SELFIE-TASTIC Nokia 830, 730: Complete with DOG SMILE WHITENER

Ralph B
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On the Internet

On the internet with a Lumia, nobody knows you're a dog with yellow teeth.

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CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Ralph B
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"We've all done these things"

"We've all done these things ... in front of cameras" said the CNN "technology analyst".

Have we? Really? Am I really alone in never having taken a nude selfie?

I think you've all gone mad.

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Cave scrawls prove Neanderthals were AT LEAST as talented as modern artists

Ralph B
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Re: Art or Design?

OK, 2nd idea: I wonder if it is not more likely that the Neanderthaler was just DBAN-ing a nude selfie cave painting that was causing embarrassment in his social network.

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Ralph B
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Art or Design?

repeatedly passing a robust cutting tip over the rock in the same direction

I wonder if it is not more likely that the Neanderthaler was just sharpening his cutting tool, rather than (intentionally) creating art.

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Uber alles... nein! Deutschland imposes NATIONWIDE BAN on taxi app

Ralph B
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Umlaut.

They really should not have forgotten the umlaut in "Über".

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Not even CRIMINALS want your tablets, Blighty - but if that's an iPhone you're waving...

Ralph B
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Re: Lots of stats, but...

It could indicate either the prevalent ethnicity of the thieves, or the prevalent ethnicity of the thieves targetted by the police. I'm not sure how these could be disintangled.

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Virgin Media blocks 'wankers' from permissible passwords

Ralph B
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Odd List

I may be an innocent, but why is "finian" on the list? It might sound a bit like "fenian" but that isn't on the list.

Why is "pedofilia" listed but not "pedophilia" or ""paedophilia"? Are Virgin Media just wanting to block illiterate perverts?

Banning "cnut" is a bit rough on students of Norse history, but I can understand why they might have done so. Similarly "flange" for DIY fans. I understand (from Urban Dictionary) that it's occasionally used as a euphemism for lady's parts, but by that argument "ladysparts" (and a thousand other euphemisms) should also be on the list, and it isn't.

This list misses a whole bunch of swear words including one of the famous Seven Dirty Words.

Odd.

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Ice cream headache as black hat hacks sack Dairy Queen

Ralph B
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Thumb Up

My Compliments to Mr. Pauli

A story about an ice-cream chain that included the phrases "chilling news", "initial waffle", "details were milky", "cool sales" and "sweet news". Well played, sir! Very well played!

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Exclusive SPB t-shirt flies into Kickstarter

Ralph B
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Pint

Or in combination with a tankard, like the other T-shirt?

(BTW: Is this tankard really a tankard? If so, where's the handle, eh?)

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'Stop dissing Google or quit': OK, I quit, says Code Club co-founder

Ralph B
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Re: G00gle is

> "crowdfunded" obligatory surveillance

That sounds like Stewart Lee describing Twitter as a "state surveilance agency staffed by gullible volunteers. It's a Stasi for the Angry Birds generation."

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Reg man looks through a Glass, darkly: Google's toy ploy or killer tech specs?

Ralph B
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Battery Life

Why don't they just stick a 2nd battery on the other arm? It would double the battery life and fix the aesthetic (and physical) imbalance in one go.

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Amazon Twitch snatch catches Google the gobbler off guard

Ralph B
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Re: Wow

But since they say "We're keeping most everything the same: our office, our employees, our brand, and most importantly our independence" I guess they won't have to suffer the conditions of Stalag Amazon. And Amazon have lots of examples to support the promises on independence - Audible, IMDB, DPReview, etc. etc.

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Brit Sci-Fi author Alastair Reynolds says MS Word 'drives me to distraction'

Ralph B
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@BongoJoe: Word isn't the best tool for job

That rather suggests that you think there is some other software that is the best tool for the job. So, what is it? Alastair Reynolds' point seemed to be although Word is awful, there is nothing else that supports the functions required in the publishing business. But if you know better then please let us (and Mr Reynolds) know what it is.

We know Microsoft make a substandard hammer, but does anyone else make a better one?

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LOHAN gets laughing gear round promotional mug

Ralph B
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Practical Questions

Are the mug-logos dish-washer proof?

Is the T-shirt logo tumble-dryer proof?

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Ralph B
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Re: Looking good

Will the XXXL T-shirts also use the "stretched" logo, so that it appears circular when worn by their fuller-figured owners?

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US Copyright Office rules that monkeys CAN'T claim copyright over their selfies

Ralph B
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Too Late Now

But I'm betting that David Slater now wishes he hadn't told the story about how the macaque took the photo. If he'd kept quiet about it, the copyright would now be his.

Of course, this decision also means that a load of fine photographs of animals in the wild, triggered via movement detection, will now also suddenly be Public Domain.

So, I guess we won't be seeing so many of those in the pages of the National Geographic in future.

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Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE

Ralph B
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Actually, Kate should record all her own concerts and sell CDs / DVDs / memory sticks / download codes of the concert to the audience as they exit.

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This'll end well: US govt says car-to-car jibber-jabber will SAVE lives

Ralph B
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Re: Roundabouts

> The traffic-light companies bribe corrupt officials into putting traffic lights on the roundabouts.

The British solution to that problem is to put another roundabout on each entry/exit of the main roundabout. Don't believe me? Visit Swindon or Hemel Hempstead.

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Ralph B
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You bet!

You bet there WILL be an "Emergency Vehicle Coming Through! Move Over!" message in this new V2V protocol. And, you bet, it WILL be misused by politicos-in-a-hurry, and hackers in general.

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CRR-CRRRK, beep, beep: Mars space truck backs out of slippery sand trap

Ralph B
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Headmaster

"rippling sand"?

That should be "rippled sand" surely? Or was it actually in motion?

A pedant.

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Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'

Ralph B
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Aiding and Abetting?

> Evidence was also tendered to the effect that the answers to Bravo's query included suggestions about swamps and reservoirs being fine places to hide a roommate.

Sounds as if Siri (or its human keepers) should also be arrested for aiding and abetting in this crime.

Given recent precedence one might have expected Siri to tip off the authorities in cases like this. (Maybe it did?)

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Vulture 2 spaceplane brain surgery begins with remote incision

Ralph B
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Re: Other Similarity

> I think by "Tridge on the other end" they mean looking over the shoulder of Linus at Tridge in the Skype window.

Ah, yes, I guess that would explain the similarity.

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Ralph B
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Other Similarity

Linus in Spain and Tridge in Australia also appear to employ the same interior designer and/or decorator.

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Tim Cook on pale, male Apple: 'As CEO, I'm NOT satisfied'

Ralph B
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Yes

I came here to say that. (Well, your first comment, at least. After that it started getting a little misogynistic.)

However, to be accurate, the target for Mr Cook - in order of priority to correct the mismatch with the US figures - should be "less asians, more blacks, more hispanics, more whites."

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Can't touch this! Microsoft joins OpenGL 3D graphics group

Ralph B
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Embrace ...

Embrace, Extend and Extinguish.

Phase 1 complete.

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Get an EYEFUL OF CURRY for the sake of your brain

Ralph B
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Holmes

Re: Turmeric's not a root ...

Learnings: Reg commentards approximately equally appreciate punning to pedantry. Who knew?

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Ralph B
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Re: Turmeric's not a root ...

Yeah, and "rhizome" is derived from the Greek "rhiza" which is a "root."

So, the root which is not a root is also a root.

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LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

Ralph B
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Re: In spaaace ...

I was thinking somewhat along those lines too: "Colei canis in aere" or "The dog's bollocks in the air".

But "Colei canis in vacuo" could work too.

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LG unfurls flexible SEE-THROUGH 18-inch display

Ralph B
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Patent This!

That transparent display, set spinning at a fairly high speed on a turntable, could make an effective real-3D display technology.

(Although you might get a whack on the nose if you lean in too far.)

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Indian government flings ONE HUNDRED BILLION rupees at startups

Ralph B
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Here's hoping ...

Here's hoping this hundred million rupees doesn't get used for setting up yet more "Windows Tech Support" boiler rooms. These guys seem to call my home landline 2 or 3 times a day!

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Google Ventures opens new fund in London

Ralph B
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Most Disruptive?

dedicated to rooting out Europe's most "disruptive" startups and then bunging them loads of cash

Are we to understand from this that it is Google Ventures who are funding certain flights to the Middle East?

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'iPhone 6' survives FRENZIED STABBING. Truly, it is the JESUS Phone

Ralph B
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"Mr MKBHD writes that he is "pumped" for the release of the iPhone 6, which we're hoping means he will be more ambitious in his choice of weaponry for the next video."

I immediately misread that as hoping he wasn't getting too enthusiastic* about the prospect of getting one.

I think this sort of thing is more what The Reg was suggesting.

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Brit celebs' homes VANISH from Google's Street View

Ralph B
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Re: The next step...

Maybe the house hasn't been blurred by Google at all. Maybe it's just the crowds of ghosts of Iraqi children floating outside the house that gives that impression. I think they should probably try driving the Street View car by another time when Blair is not at home to be sure.

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Ralph B
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Re: But, but, but...

He can keep his blurry house, but I'm very interested in having the BMW 7-Series that transforms into a Ferrari 599 GTB as the StreetView car goes by.

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iWatch watch: Apple tags sales bod from luxury Swiss watch firm

Ralph B
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Pruniaux would probably be the marketing genius behind the innovative TAG-Heuer advertising based on the magic formula of a sports- or film-star portrait next to or holding a watch in an intriguing fashion.

Reading notes for the sarcasm-blind:

- for "genius" read "idiot";

- for "innovative" read "clichéd";

- for "magic" read "trite";

- for "intriguing" read "awkward".

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Rockall batters plucky Brit adventurer

Ralph B
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Fuck All on Rockall

I'm thinking the Register's Special Projects Bureau should start an emergeny sandwich delivery service via GPS-steered paper aeroplanes launched from helium balloon, or similar.

Or just provide the guy with a seagull trap and/or fishing rod.

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Like frozen burgers, 'Bigfoot' DNA samples have a touch of horse

Ralph B
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Crossbreed

OK, so, Bigfoot is a human/wolf/dog/deer/horse/bear crossbreed. That could happen. It gets really cold up there.

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Rockall pod-dweller braces for stormy weather

Ralph B
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Re: 60 days of learning the harmonica

> Rockall is surely the best place to send trainee harmonica players?

Thank you, hplasm, for taking the trouble to strip the sarcasm from my original message, for the benefit of our American cousins.

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Ralph B
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60 days of learning the harmonica

Such a shame there's no live audio stream available.

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New MH370 search zone picked using just seven satellite 'handshakes'

Ralph B
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Re: Why did it take them so long to start

My preferred conspiracy theory is that a Stuxnet2 virus accidentally escaped into the wild

Here's another conspiracy theory to put out there: What if the downing of MH370 was a demonstation of capability by Chinese betting syndicates wanting match-fixing compliance from various teams taking part in the World Cup? As in: "Give us the result we want or you won't be arriving home from Brazil."

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Ralph B
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Re: What about those black-box locator pings?

The pings detected were of the wrong frequency. And with a frequency offset that makes it likely it was coming from the detection equipment itself (possibly echoing off the seafloor)

An interesting theory were it not for the fact that the towed pinger locator carries a passive listening device for detecting pingers. (My emphasis.)

If the detection equipment was not generating the false pings then who or what was?

(And thanks for the downvotes.)

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