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* Posts by Ralph B

1114 posts • joined 12 Apr 2007

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Get an EYEFUL OF CURRY for the sake of your brain

Ralph B
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Holmes

Re: Turmeric's not a root ...

Learnings: Reg commentards approximately equally appreciate punning to pedantry. Who knew?

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Ralph B
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Re: Turmeric's not a root ...

Yeah, and "rhizome" is derived from the Greek "rhiza" which is a "root."

So, the root which is not a root is also a root.

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LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

Ralph B
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Re: In spaaace ...

I was thinking somewhat along those lines too: "Colei canis in aere" or "The dog's bollocks in the air".

But "Colei canis in vacuo" could work too.

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LG unfurls flexible SEE-THROUGH 18-inch display

Ralph B
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Patent This!

That transparent display, set spinning at a fairly high speed on a turntable, could make an effective real-3D display technology.

(Although you might get a whack on the nose if you lean in too far.)

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Indian government flings ONE HUNDRED BILLION rupees at startups

Ralph B
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Here's hoping ...

Here's hoping this hundred million rupees doesn't get used for setting up yet more "Windows Tech Support" boiler rooms. These guys seem to call my home landline 2 or 3 times a day!

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Google Ventures opens new fund in London

Ralph B
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Most Disruptive?

dedicated to rooting out Europe's most "disruptive" startups and then bunging them loads of cash

Are we to understand from this that it is Google Ventures who are funding certain flights to the Middle East?

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'iPhone 6' survives FRENZIED STABBING. Truly, it is the JESUS Phone

Ralph B
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"Mr MKBHD writes that he is "pumped" for the release of the iPhone 6, which we're hoping means he will be more ambitious in his choice of weaponry for the next video."

I immediately misread that as hoping he wasn't getting too enthusiastic* about the prospect of getting one.

I think this sort of thing is more what The Reg was suggesting.

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Brit celebs' homes VANISH from Google's Street View

Ralph B
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Re: The next step...

Maybe the house hasn't been blurred by Google at all. Maybe it's just the crowds of ghosts of Iraqi children floating outside the house that gives that impression. I think they should probably try driving the Street View car by another time when Blair is not at home to be sure.

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Ralph B
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Re: But, but, but...

He can keep his blurry house, but I'm very interested in having the BMW 7-Series that transforms into a Ferrari 599 GTB as the StreetView car goes by.

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iWatch watch: Apple tags sales bod from luxury Swiss watch firm

Ralph B
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Pruniaux would probably be the marketing genius behind the innovative TAG-Heuer advertising based on the magic formula of a sports- or film-star portrait next to or holding a watch in an intriguing fashion.

Reading notes for the sarcasm-blind:

- for "genius" read "idiot";

- for "innovative" read "clichéd";

- for "magic" read "trite";

- for "intriguing" read "awkward".

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Rockall batters plucky Brit adventurer

Ralph B
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Fuck All on Rockall

I'm thinking the Register's Special Projects Bureau should start an emergeny sandwich delivery service via GPS-steered paper aeroplanes launched from helium balloon, or similar.

Or just provide the guy with a seagull trap and/or fishing rod.

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Like frozen burgers, 'Bigfoot' DNA samples have a touch of horse

Ralph B
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Crossbreed

OK, so, Bigfoot is a human/wolf/dog/deer/horse/bear crossbreed. That could happen. It gets really cold up there.

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Rockall pod-dweller braces for stormy weather

Ralph B
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Re: 60 days of learning the harmonica

> Rockall is surely the best place to send trainee harmonica players?

Thank you, hplasm, for taking the trouble to strip the sarcasm from my original message, for the benefit of our American cousins.

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Ralph B
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60 days of learning the harmonica

Such a shame there's no live audio stream available.

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New MH370 search zone picked using just seven satellite 'handshakes'

Ralph B
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Re: Why did it take them so long to start

My preferred conspiracy theory is that a Stuxnet2 virus accidentally escaped into the wild

Here's another conspiracy theory to put out there: What if the downing of MH370 was a demonstation of capability by Chinese betting syndicates wanting match-fixing compliance from various teams taking part in the World Cup? As in: "Give us the result we want or you won't be arriving home from Brazil."

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Ralph B
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Re: What about those black-box locator pings?

The pings detected were of the wrong frequency. And with a frequency offset that makes it likely it was coming from the detection equipment itself (possibly echoing off the seafloor)

An interesting theory were it not for the fact that the towed pinger locator carries a passive listening device for detecting pingers. (My emphasis.)

If the detection equipment was not generating the false pings then who or what was?

(And thanks for the downvotes.)

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Ralph B
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What about those black-box locator pings?

Did we ever find out who or what produced those alledged black-box locator pings heard in the previous search area? (If they were faked, then the faker must presumably know something about what really happened to MH370.)

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Drone-assisted Swiss construct virtual 3D castle

Ralph B
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Cute, but ...

Why does the navigation on these 3D things always have to be so shitty? One slightest touch of a direction key or mouse and you're suddenly outside the underside of the object, upside-down and pointing in the wrong direction. And it's gonna take a good 10 minutes of work to get a normal-ish view back again.

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FAA shoots down delivery by drone plans

Ralph B
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Re: Is there a season for drones?

So commercial Drones not allowed for delivery..

That's Hedwig stuffed then,

Hedwig is an owl, not a bee!

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Ralph B
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The 11th Commandment

Amazon need merely apply Airwolf technology to their quadcopters. If the FAA don't see them, they can't prosecute them.

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'World’s dumbest' suspect collared in Facebook sting

Ralph B
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Re: His facebook page is still up...

Citation needed.

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Chromebook Pixel owners' promised free data plans being prematurely axed

Ralph B
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Coat

Re: It is what it is ...

Two (vaguely) relevant jokes:

1.

Q. How can you tell when a politician is lying?

A. His lips move.

2.

Q. What's the difference between a computer salesman and a car salesman?

A. The car salesman knows when he is lying.

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VIDEO SELFIE DRONE: 'AirDog' UAV follows you everywhere you go

Ralph B
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Some Contradiction, Surely?

In the title: "'AirDog' UAV follows you everywhere you go". In the article body: "It's impressive stuff, capable of 10-20 minutes of flight". (My emphases.)

Well, I guess the title is true, for a certain value of "everywhere".

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YOU'RE HISTORY: Ancestry.com goes titsup for TWO DAYS

Ralph B
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Missed Subheader Opportunity

Spam fills grave site ... ?

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Tor is '90 per cent of the net' claims City of London Police Commish – and he's dead wrong

Ralph B
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Re: FUD

But I'm told he's currently very good at being uninformed uniformed. Or: I'm informed he's in-form uninformed uniformed

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Samsung peddles tyred Smart Bike concept

Ralph B
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Re: Where's my exercise bike hooked up to streetview?

Over here or here.

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Spaceplane design nipper Ariadne gets a promotion

Ralph B
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Design Envelope?

Surviving the cold, vacuum and radiation of (near) space is one thing. Surviving a dishwasher cycle (or two) at 70degC is quite another.

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I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

Ralph B
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Apparel Solution

I bought (and wear) a t-shirt to get the message over for this sort of thing.

The next-door neighbour was one of the worst offenders, and so, over some months, I pursuaded her to swap her old Windows PC for a shiney new Mac and was then able to claim complete ignorance of MacOS and point her at Apple Support instead. It's worked rather well. (Not sure Apple Support would agree though.)

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The Strippers, Unicorn Computers and Martian Watches of Computex

Ralph B
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Re: Sandwich board-bearers: they missed a trick

> If they carried logo-tattooed scantilty clad models on their shoulders, the organisers would have a queue of volunteers to choose from.

Why? Because having the back of your neck between a scantilty clad model's legs is somehow the same as having your penis there? Nah. It isn't. Carrying people on your shoulders leads to backache. And backache is bad. Trust me on this.

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Gunmaker finds KILLER APP for Google Glass

Ralph B
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The End Is Nigh

All the pieces are falling into place. Mount this ShotView system and gun on a Google WonkaWagon, mix in some Google facial recognition tech and you practically have SkyNet.

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Feds crack down harder on 'lasing'. Yep, aircraft laser zapping... Really

Ralph B
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Re: Alternatively

So I guess i'll be waiting to cross when i have a green light - it's a better solution than cracking down on running-red-lighters, right?

So, I assume you're also waiting for the police to remove all the bad drivers from the road, rather than wear a safety belt?

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Ralph B
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Alternatively

They could advise pilots to buy a pair of glasses.

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Former Microsoftie becomes US ambassador, opts to swear in on KINDLE

Ralph B
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Re: Load up your Kindle and...

> Swear in on Viz and the Two Fat Slags.

Well, it could be worse. Much worse.

I wonder if they did check the content of the Kindle, and therefore what else she was also swearing on, beyond that currently being displayed ... ?

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US bloke raises $250k to build robo-masturbation device

Ralph B
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Down with this sort of thing

The human race will die out ... with a whimper, rather than a bang.

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Myspace: Where are you going? We still have all your HUMILIATING PICS

Ralph B
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Re: Just nuke it from orbit

This can help too ...

https://support.google.com/legal/contact/lr_eudpa?product=websearch

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Remember Anna Kournikova? Come with us on a tour of bug-squishing history

Ralph B
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Oh, yes!

I remember Anna Kournikova.

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Watch: Sun BELCHES PLASMA large enough to ENGULF 35 EARTHS

Ralph B
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Re: Can we define that is standard units

One Earth is 24,570 Waleses (by area) so this plasma cloud would be 859,954 Waleses.

HTH. HAND, boyo.

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Watch: Kids slam Apple as 'BORING, the whole thing is BORING'

Ralph B
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Re: say what

> So do Brit kids run in horror when they see a camera/

Yeah. It's probably evolved behaviour.

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Microsoft Cortana EULA contains the Greatest Disclaimer of ALL TIME

Ralph B
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"At least Cortana won't sell your emails to the newspapers."

Well, it hadn't until you planted that profitable-sounding idea in Microsoft's collective head. Thanks a lot, Reg!

(It's not as if they don't have a motive already.)

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Tech that we want (but they never seem to give us)

Ralph B
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My Three Cents

1. Colour eInk display (for the new Psion 5, new Kindle, and/or new mobile phone)

2. Unlimited flat-rate mobile data at £10/month

3. An ad-hoc wireless-network/video-streaming broadcast app, so that people at the front of a concert can record and stream the performance to all those behind them who want to share the view. (Could also be used for "citizen news" coverage.)

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Samsung WRISTPHONE – for those who wanna whisper to strap-ons

Ralph B
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Re: Battery, battery, battery.

Ideally you'd use a series of batteries in the links of the watchstrap. This would give a pretty good capacity, perhaps allowing the watch to also serve as a tethered gsm-wifi provider for other devices.

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Pirate Party runs aground in European Parliamentary elections

Ralph B
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Communications Skills

Maybe no-one could understand what they were saying ... ?

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NOT APPY: Black cab drivers enraged by Hailo as taxi tech wars rage on

Ralph B
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Re: Thanks for the hint

Where I am in Europe, Uber doesn't seem to be any cheaper than a normal taxi for a couple of test routes I tried. Since I hear the Uber drivers are effectively uninsured (they are using private rather than commercial insurance) I wonder where the savings are going ... ?

[Does some googling]

OK, so Uber drivers might indeed have proper insurance.

But they're still not cheaper than a normal taxi, so why would I want to use them?

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Spotify boasts 10 million paying subscribers ... Um, is that all?

Ralph B
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@diodesign Re: A Million Plays

My research suggests that you might have recalled incorrectly. BBC Radio 1 only has to pay (via PRS for Music) about 15 quid a minute. US stations apparently pay nothing at all!

So Spotify doesn't compare too badly, after all. (And, it turns out, even Pandora wasn't as bad as it was painted.)

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Ralph B
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A Million Plays

> A million plays in the old days could earn a performer a modest amount of money.

Erm, which "old days" are we talking about here? Are we talking about radio? When a song was broadcast to a million listeners of a pop station, how much did the artist get then?

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California gives green light to test self-driving cars on public roads

Ralph B
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Good To Know

In future, all those millions of GM cars can drive themselves back to the dealers for their recall work, and form an orderly queue. (If they don't explode on the way.)

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Rubber-glove time: Italy to probe TripAdvisor over 'fake reviews'

Ralph B
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That guy in the XKCD comic looks like Walter White in Heisenberg-mode from Breaking Bad.

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Microsoft Surface 3 Pro: Flip me over, fondle me up

Ralph B
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Re: "Nobody invented the screwdriver hammer"

You're forgetting the 3 Rules of Engineering:

1. Always use the correct tool for the job.

2. The correct tool is always a hammer.

3. Any tool can be used as a hammer.

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Wacky 'baccy making a hash of FBI infosec recruitment efforts

Ralph B
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This.

This explains everything.

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'Executed ex' of Norkers' bonkers Kim Jong-un rises FROM THE GRAVE

Ralph B
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@Evil Auditior Re: Norkovations

"(Non-)natural selection" would be just "selection", right? It would be the thing that Darwin was referring to when he coined "natural selection". So, no, I'm not calling Darwin. I'm calling the thing that Darwin was calling, i.e. "selection".

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