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* Posts by Ralph B

1126 posts • joined 12 Apr 2007

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LOHAN gets laughing gear round promotional mug

Ralph B
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Practical Questions

Are the mug-logos dish-washer proof?

Is the T-shirt logo tumble-dryer proof?

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Ralph B
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Re: Looking good

Will the XXXL T-shirts also use the "stretched" logo, so that it appears circular when worn by their fuller-figured owners?

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US Copyright Office rules that monkeys CAN'T claim copyright over their selfies

Ralph B
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Too Late Now

But I'm betting that David Slater now wishes he hadn't told the story about how the macaque took the photo. If he'd kept quiet about it, the copyright would now be his.

Of course, this decision also means that a load of fine photographs of animals in the wild, triggered via movement detection, will now also suddenly be Public Domain.

So, I guess we won't be seeing so many of those in the pages of the National Geographic in future.

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Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE

Ralph B
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Actually, Kate should record all her own concerts and sell CDs / DVDs / memory sticks / download codes of the concert to the audience as they exit.

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This'll end well: US govt says car-to-car jibber-jabber will SAVE lives

Ralph B
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Re: Roundabouts

> The traffic-light companies bribe corrupt officials into putting traffic lights on the roundabouts.

The British solution to that problem is to put another roundabout on each entry/exit of the main roundabout. Don't believe me? Visit Swindon or Hemel Hempstead.

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Ralph B
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You bet!

You bet there WILL be an "Emergency Vehicle Coming Through! Move Over!" message in this new V2V protocol. And, you bet, it WILL be misused by politicos-in-a-hurry, and hackers in general.

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CRR-CRRRK, beep, beep: Mars space truck backs out of slippery sand trap

Ralph B
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Headmaster

"rippling sand"?

That should be "rippled sand" surely? Or was it actually in motion?

A pedant.

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Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'

Ralph B
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Aiding and Abetting?

> Evidence was also tendered to the effect that the answers to Bravo's query included suggestions about swamps and reservoirs being fine places to hide a roommate.

Sounds as if Siri (or its human keepers) should also be arrested for aiding and abetting in this crime.

Given recent precedence one might have expected Siri to tip off the authorities in cases like this. (Maybe it did?)

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Vulture 2 spaceplane brain surgery begins with remote incision

Ralph B
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Re: Other Similarity

> I think by "Tridge on the other end" they mean looking over the shoulder of Linus at Tridge in the Skype window.

Ah, yes, I guess that would explain the similarity.

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Ralph B
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Other Similarity

Linus in Spain and Tridge in Australia also appear to employ the same interior designer and/or decorator.

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Tim Cook on pale, male Apple: 'As CEO, I'm NOT satisfied'

Ralph B
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Yes

I came here to say that. (Well, your first comment, at least. After that it started getting a little misogynistic.)

However, to be accurate, the target for Mr Cook - in order of priority to correct the mismatch with the US figures - should be "less asians, more blacks, more hispanics, more whites."

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Can't touch this! Microsoft joins OpenGL 3D graphics group

Ralph B
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Embrace ...

Embrace, Extend and Extinguish.

Phase 1 complete.

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Get an EYEFUL OF CURRY for the sake of your brain

Ralph B
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Holmes

Re: Turmeric's not a root ...

Learnings: Reg commentards approximately equally appreciate punning to pedantry. Who knew?

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Ralph B
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Re: Turmeric's not a root ...

Yeah, and "rhizome" is derived from the Greek "rhiza" which is a "root."

So, the root which is not a root is also a root.

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LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

Ralph B
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Re: In spaaace ...

I was thinking somewhat along those lines too: "Colei canis in aere" or "The dog's bollocks in the air".

But "Colei canis in vacuo" could work too.

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LG unfurls flexible SEE-THROUGH 18-inch display

Ralph B
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Patent This!

That transparent display, set spinning at a fairly high speed on a turntable, could make an effective real-3D display technology.

(Although you might get a whack on the nose if you lean in too far.)

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Indian government flings ONE HUNDRED BILLION rupees at startups

Ralph B
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Here's hoping ...

Here's hoping this hundred million rupees doesn't get used for setting up yet more "Windows Tech Support" boiler rooms. These guys seem to call my home landline 2 or 3 times a day!

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Google Ventures opens new fund in London

Ralph B
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Most Disruptive?

dedicated to rooting out Europe's most "disruptive" startups and then bunging them loads of cash

Are we to understand from this that it is Google Ventures who are funding certain flights to the Middle East?

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'iPhone 6' survives FRENZIED STABBING. Truly, it is the JESUS Phone

Ralph B
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"Mr MKBHD writes that he is "pumped" for the release of the iPhone 6, which we're hoping means he will be more ambitious in his choice of weaponry for the next video."

I immediately misread that as hoping he wasn't getting too enthusiastic* about the prospect of getting one.

I think this sort of thing is more what The Reg was suggesting.

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Brit celebs' homes VANISH from Google's Street View

Ralph B
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Re: The next step...

Maybe the house hasn't been blurred by Google at all. Maybe it's just the crowds of ghosts of Iraqi children floating outside the house that gives that impression. I think they should probably try driving the Street View car by another time when Blair is not at home to be sure.

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Ralph B
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Re: But, but, but...

He can keep his blurry house, but I'm very interested in having the BMW 7-Series that transforms into a Ferrari 599 GTB as the StreetView car goes by.

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iWatch watch: Apple tags sales bod from luxury Swiss watch firm

Ralph B
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Pruniaux would probably be the marketing genius behind the innovative TAG-Heuer advertising based on the magic formula of a sports- or film-star portrait next to or holding a watch in an intriguing fashion.

Reading notes for the sarcasm-blind:

- for "genius" read "idiot";

- for "innovative" read "clichéd";

- for "magic" read "trite";

- for "intriguing" read "awkward".

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Rockall batters plucky Brit adventurer

Ralph B
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Fuck All on Rockall

I'm thinking the Register's Special Projects Bureau should start an emergeny sandwich delivery service via GPS-steered paper aeroplanes launched from helium balloon, or similar.

Or just provide the guy with a seagull trap and/or fishing rod.

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Like frozen burgers, 'Bigfoot' DNA samples have a touch of horse

Ralph B
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Crossbreed

OK, so, Bigfoot is a human/wolf/dog/deer/horse/bear crossbreed. That could happen. It gets really cold up there.

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Rockall pod-dweller braces for stormy weather

Ralph B
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Re: 60 days of learning the harmonica

> Rockall is surely the best place to send trainee harmonica players?

Thank you, hplasm, for taking the trouble to strip the sarcasm from my original message, for the benefit of our American cousins.

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Ralph B
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60 days of learning the harmonica

Such a shame there's no live audio stream available.

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New MH370 search zone picked using just seven satellite 'handshakes'

Ralph B
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Re: Why did it take them so long to start

My preferred conspiracy theory is that a Stuxnet2 virus accidentally escaped into the wild

Here's another conspiracy theory to put out there: What if the downing of MH370 was a demonstation of capability by Chinese betting syndicates wanting match-fixing compliance from various teams taking part in the World Cup? As in: "Give us the result we want or you won't be arriving home from Brazil."

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Ralph B
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Re: What about those black-box locator pings?

The pings detected were of the wrong frequency. And with a frequency offset that makes it likely it was coming from the detection equipment itself (possibly echoing off the seafloor)

An interesting theory were it not for the fact that the towed pinger locator carries a passive listening device for detecting pingers. (My emphasis.)

If the detection equipment was not generating the false pings then who or what was?

(And thanks for the downvotes.)

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Ralph B
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What about those black-box locator pings?

Did we ever find out who or what produced those alledged black-box locator pings heard in the previous search area? (If they were faked, then the faker must presumably know something about what really happened to MH370.)

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Drone-assisted Swiss construct virtual 3D castle

Ralph B
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Cute, but ...

Why does the navigation on these 3D things always have to be so shitty? One slightest touch of a direction key or mouse and you're suddenly outside the underside of the object, upside-down and pointing in the wrong direction. And it's gonna take a good 10 minutes of work to get a normal-ish view back again.

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FAA shoots down delivery by drone plans

Ralph B
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Re: Is there a season for drones?

So commercial Drones not allowed for delivery..

That's Hedwig stuffed then,

Hedwig is an owl, not a bee!

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Ralph B
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The 11th Commandment

Amazon need merely apply Airwolf technology to their quadcopters. If the FAA don't see them, they can't prosecute them.

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'World’s dumbest' suspect collared in Facebook sting

Ralph B
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Re: His facebook page is still up...

Citation needed.

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Chromebook Pixel owners' promised free data plans being prematurely axed

Ralph B
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Coat

Re: It is what it is ...

Two (vaguely) relevant jokes:

1.

Q. How can you tell when a politician is lying?

A. His lips move.

2.

Q. What's the difference between a computer salesman and a car salesman?

A. The car salesman knows when he is lying.

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VIDEO SELFIE DRONE: 'AirDog' UAV follows you everywhere you go

Ralph B
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Some Contradiction, Surely?

In the title: "'AirDog' UAV follows you everywhere you go". In the article body: "It's impressive stuff, capable of 10-20 minutes of flight". (My emphases.)

Well, I guess the title is true, for a certain value of "everywhere".

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YOU'RE HISTORY: Ancestry.com goes titsup for TWO DAYS

Ralph B
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Missed Subheader Opportunity

Spam fills grave site ... ?

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Tor is '90 per cent of the net' claims City of London Police Commish – and he's dead wrong

Ralph B
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Re: FUD

But I'm told he's currently very good at being uninformed uniformed. Or: I'm informed he's in-form uninformed uniformed

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Samsung peddles tyred Smart Bike concept

Ralph B
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Re: Where's my exercise bike hooked up to streetview?

Over here or here.

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Spaceplane design nipper Ariadne gets a promotion

Ralph B
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Design Envelope?

Surviving the cold, vacuum and radiation of (near) space is one thing. Surviving a dishwasher cycle (or two) at 70degC is quite another.

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I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

Ralph B
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Apparel Solution

I bought (and wear) a t-shirt to get the message over for this sort of thing.

The next-door neighbour was one of the worst offenders, and so, over some months, I pursuaded her to swap her old Windows PC for a shiney new Mac and was then able to claim complete ignorance of MacOS and point her at Apple Support instead. It's worked rather well. (Not sure Apple Support would agree though.)

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The Strippers, Unicorn Computers and Martian Watches of Computex

Ralph B
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Re: Sandwich board-bearers: they missed a trick

> If they carried logo-tattooed scantilty clad models on their shoulders, the organisers would have a queue of volunteers to choose from.

Why? Because having the back of your neck between a scantilty clad model's legs is somehow the same as having your penis there? Nah. It isn't. Carrying people on your shoulders leads to backache. And backache is bad. Trust me on this.

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Gunmaker finds KILLER APP for Google Glass

Ralph B
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The End Is Nigh

All the pieces are falling into place. Mount this ShotView system and gun on a Google WonkaWagon, mix in some Google facial recognition tech and you practically have SkyNet.

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Feds crack down harder on 'lasing'. Yep, aircraft laser zapping... Really

Ralph B
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Re: Alternatively

So I guess i'll be waiting to cross when i have a green light - it's a better solution than cracking down on running-red-lighters, right?

So, I assume you're also waiting for the police to remove all the bad drivers from the road, rather than wear a safety belt?

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Ralph B
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Alternatively

They could advise pilots to buy a pair of glasses.

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Former Microsoftie becomes US ambassador, opts to swear in on KINDLE

Ralph B
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Re: Load up your Kindle and...

> Swear in on Viz and the Two Fat Slags.

Well, it could be worse. Much worse.

I wonder if they did check the content of the Kindle, and therefore what else she was also swearing on, beyond that currently being displayed ... ?

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US bloke raises $250k to build robo-masturbation device

Ralph B
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Down with this sort of thing

The human race will die out ... with a whimper, rather than a bang.

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Myspace: Where are you going? We still have all your HUMILIATING PICS

Ralph B
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Re: Just nuke it from orbit

This can help too ...

https://support.google.com/legal/contact/lr_eudpa?product=websearch

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Remember Anna Kournikova? Come with us on a tour of bug-squishing history

Ralph B
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Oh, yes!

I remember Anna Kournikova.

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Watch: Sun BELCHES PLASMA large enough to ENGULF 35 EARTHS

Ralph B
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Re: Can we define that is standard units

One Earth is 24,570 Waleses (by area) so this plasma cloud would be 859,954 Waleses.

HTH. HAND, boyo.

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Watch: Kids slam Apple as 'BORING, the whole thing is BORING'

Ralph B
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Re: say what

> So do Brit kids run in horror when they see a camera/

Yeah. It's probably evolved behaviour.

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