* Posts by Ralph B

1258 posts • joined 12 Apr 2007

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Multiple fondling on the MIGHTY 12-INCH iOS 9 SLAB — so, so close now

Ralph B
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Lawsuit?

I wonder if Microware will give their lawyers another go at biting Apple regarding "iOS 9". (They lost back in 1999 for Mac OS 9.)

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Want to be the hottest thing since Melrose Place? Get these Lycos patents

Ralph B
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Impressive

$12.5bn to $95.4m in 4 years. That must have been a lot of cocaine, eh?

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Manchester car park lock hack leads to horn-blare hoo-ha

Ralph B
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Picture Question

If the incident happened in Manchester, UK, why is the picture heading the article of American firefighters attacking an American car in, presumably, America?

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Driverless cars deal DEATH to Detroit, says Barclays

Ralph B
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Facepalm

@David Roberts, Re: John Deere's the real threat to car sales

Sorry about the down vote. You can actually cancel it by giving an up vote instead, but since you didn't do it for Captain DaFt, I guess I won't do it for you either.

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Airplane HACK PANIC! Hold on, it's surely a STORM in a TEACUP

Ralph B
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Re: Times sure have changed

A few years ago I was stopped at security for having a house brick in my carry-on luggage. (It happened to have my name baked into it. (Recovered from a demolished building, not a vanity creation.)) Despite bricks not being on the list of forbidden items, it was deemed a risk - in case I was planning to budgeon my way into the cockpit - and it had to go in my hold luggage instead, which meant I nearly missed that flight.

Yes, I know, I should have put it in the hold luggage from the start.

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Rare monkeys stolen from French zoo – now even rarer

Ralph B
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"I can't at all see what the thieves can do with them."

I could imagine that seven golden lion tamarins and 10 silver marmosets would be enough for a couple of fur coats to wonderfully complement those Apple Watch Editions in yellow and rose gold that someone very richspecial has on order. Darling.

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Massive police 'heavy equipment' robot drags out suspect who hid inside television

Ralph B
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Re: Where's a frackin...

Some googling suggests it might have been a Rometec Wolverine.

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Samsung S6: You might get a Sony camera in it - or you might not

Ralph B
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Re: Yeah, right...

Yeah. It does sound rather like a bait-and-switch to me. Did the reviewers all get the Sony-equipped devices, and the general public get landed with the cheap substitute components? If so, then they can doubtless expect a US class action lawsuit heading their way before too long.

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iPhone case uses phone's OWN SIGNAL to charge it (forever, presumably)

Ralph B
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Re: Physics

To be most efficient, I think this case should also include a screen-facing solar panel. That way, any of the light emitted by the display can be recaptured for charging the battery.

Since all wasteful* function-related EM emissions - visible and invisible - will now have been prevented, the phone will now serve no useful purpose when inserted into the case, and so can be switched off.

If this is done, I predict that battery life could then be extended to be whatever it is when the phone is switched off.

* Since the idiot buyer of this case will only have been using the phone for yabbering to similar idiot friends, or using social media, casual gaming or dating apps, then ANY functional use of the phone can been classed as wasteful. Better to switch it off, if making it explode is not a technically or morally acceptable option.

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Amazon boss Bezos' Blue Origins declares test flight 'flawless' ... if you overlook one snafu

Ralph B
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Re: Twig minus berries

True. They even put a vein running down the length of it.

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Grooveshark closes, blames 'serious mistake' of not paying for music

Ralph B
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$750m?

According to Copyright Math(s)", $750m at $80,000/song equates to 9,375 songs streamed. Groovesharke were running for 10 years, so that's only 2.5 songs shared per day.

No wonder they went out of business.

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Fondleslab deaths grounded ALL of American Airlines' 737s

Ralph B
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Re: Malice?

Could it have been a passenger running a mobile hotspot with No iOS Zone? The symptoms are eerily similar.

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UK rail signals could be hacked to cause crashes, claims prof

Ralph B
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"Reg reader Charles pondered"

>Reg reader Charles pondered

Hmm. Commentards are appearing in the articles themselves now, are they? How does that work? Is there a badge level beyond gold now?

(Seems unlikely, if it's this fella with just one post to his name.)

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Flying giant octopus menaces New York

Ralph B
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Re: Can I just say...

Yes, and it would have been a bummer if it had come down on that fireman.

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Easy ... easy ... Aw CRAP! SpaceX rocket ALMOST lands on ocean hoverbase

Ralph B
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Practice Makes Perfect

SpaceX shouldn't feel bad. I usually take 3 attempts to make perfect landing too.

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Google’s plan for WORLD DOMINATION takes shape. And it begins with a patent

Ralph B
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Who needs a robot army?

Who needs a robot army when you could employ a fleet of Google driverless vehicles packed with explosives?

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Radio 4 and Dr K on programming languages: Full of Java Kool-Aid

Ralph B
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Re: “Goto statement considred harmful”

>I remember using a Basic dialect which had a "return n" instruction

Are you sure you are not getting confused with INTERCAL's COMEFROM instruction?

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Ralph B
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Re: “Goto statement considred harmful”

I've recently been discovering that Asterisk's implementation of GOTOs in extensions.conf are not just harmful but downright hostile. I mean: " same => n,GotoIf($[${GOSUB_RETVAL} = 0]?dial)", FFS!

Don't take drugs while designing programming languages, kids!

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Ralph B
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Write Once ...

> “write once, run anywhere” marketing, rather than the run one, ruin everywhere

I understood it was "write once, debug everywhere".

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Ralph B
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"soi-disant"?

Ignorant me discovers that "soi-disant" is defined as "self-styled; so-called". The latter definition might make it appear that The Register is having a bit of a go at Dr Krotoski. Say it's not so. I really wouldn't like to see The Reg get caught up with the Gamergate controversy. Pretty please.

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Grandmaster FLUSH: Chess champ booted for allegedly cheating with iPod app in the loo

Ralph B
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Re: I'm confused too

> That mobile phone appears to be an iPod Touch

I wonder if the rules explicitly forbid the use of mobile phones, and so he hoped to argue that the iPod Touch would be allowed, since it is not a mobile phone ... ?

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Fraudsters target Nazi Android malware at Russian bank customers

Ralph B
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Fifth Reich?

Did I miss the Fourth Reich?

(Hmm. The First, Second and Third Reichs lasted 844, 47 and 12 years respectively. So, extrapolating from that data, I suppose it is quite likely that the Fourth Reich has been and gone without anyone noticing.)

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Fancy a wristjob from Tim Cook? TOUGH LUCK, you CAN'T HAVE ONE

Ralph B
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Hey, don't knock it! I'm really looking forward to seeing Will It Blend? "review" a $17K Apple Watch Edition.

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Indian cops spice up protests with pepper spray-armed DRONES

Ralph B
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Joke

I'm warning you

It'll all end in tears!

(Especially when the rioters hijack the police drones and turn them back against the police.)

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Google Ads go NUCLEAR, foist exploit kit

Ralph B
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Re: AdBlock

Unfortunately, some of my favorite websites - including The Register - are financed mainly by the ads they allow to be shown on their pages. Or at least, I am told they are there if you don't use an adblocker. (Actually, I have seen them when I very occasional visit on my iPad.)

It must make ad rate-negotiation quite interesting. The Reg: "Our visitors are responsible for $10,000+ of IT product purchasing per year, so pay us more." Advertiser: "Yeah, but most of them use adblockers, so charge us less."

It would be nice if the advertisers could be trusted not to do bad things, but since they are in the business of telling lies for money, that's hardly going to happen, is it?

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Anti-gay Indiana starts backtracking on hated law after tech pressure

Ralph B
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Boffin

Re: Politics. politics....and duplicity

If we accept that there is a genetic basis for homosexuality, then homophobic religeous groups should actually welcome gay marriage because it must inevitably lead to a reduced occurrence of the genes responsible for homosexuality, since gay couples tend not to produce offspring, whereas gay individuals, forced by conventions of society into different-sex marriage, may nevertheless produce offspring.

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BOFH: Never mind that old brick, look at this ink-stained BEAUTY

Ralph B
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LP05

For younger readers, I think this and this are what we are reading about.

For older readers, here's some more old stuff to get misty-eyed about.

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Tim Cook: I'll give just a THIRD of what Gates gave to charity last year

Ralph B
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That Tim Cook Picture

That Tim Cook picture ... is he modelling the Apple Watch Edition Plus?

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Amazon cloud threatens to SMASH the fundamental laws of PHYSICS

Ralph B
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@ Electron Shepherd re: Interesting ToS

> 4. It specifically excludes business use - big sighs of relief all round at DropBox HQ?

Or more tears, because it forbids DropBox from running their entire business off a single Amazon Infinite Everything account.

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I see you have the gTLD that goes .ping!

Ralph B
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ping test.ping

$ ping test.ping

ping: unknown host test.ping

$ # Too soon?

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700,000 beautiful women do the bidding of one Twitter-scamming man

Ralph B
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Headmaster

Agree, but ...

> "At the end of the day, weight loss requires more than just a dietary supplement."

Broadly true, but what if the "supplement" was a diarrhetic and/or an emetic?

(Not that I would choose to shit and/or vomit my way to weight loss.)

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Ford: Our latest car gizmo will CHOKE OFF your FUEL if you're speeding

Ralph B
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True. Then there's the cases of the speed limit signs on the motorways in Italy which carry a small-print subtitle of (something like) "In caso di nebbia" - which only Italian-speaking drivers will know means "In case of fog." Does Ford's computer speak Italian? (And whatever other languages this problem might repeated for?)

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HUGE Aussie asteroid impact sent TREMORS towards the EARTH'S CORE

Ralph B
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Trollface

Explanation

> we can’t find an extinction event that matches these collisions

Not surprising, surely. Nothing that happens in Australia ever has any impact in the rest of the world.

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Drug drone not high enough: Brit lags' copter snared on prison wire

Ralph B
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Re: Didn't this happen already?

Presumably there might be previous / other drone deliveries that didn't fail, didn't get detected and therefore didn't make the news.

These failures are likely the small tip of a very large iceberg of successful drone deliveries, that Amazon could feel inspired by.

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First figures in and it doesn't look good for new internet dot-words

Ralph B
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Wildcard TLD

The next stage of the ICANN TLD shakedown should be to offer a .* TLD where domains registered would be automatically registered in all other TLDs. It'll cost millions (billions?) to have one, but think of the savings in individual registrations, lawyer fees, admin etc.

Then, when every company and organisation has got themselves a .* domain, ICANN could maybe introduce some new TLDs to categorise these .* domains by, oh, I don't know, nationality, commercial or non-commercial use, etc.

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Apple boots Windows 7 out of Boot Camp

Ralph B
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Re: Looks stupid from an enterprise perspective...

It does look odd, doesn't it? Window 7 is still at 56% of OS market share. And Windows 8.x & 10 are together less that 15%.

Why would they turn their back on the biggest fraction of their potential customers? A fraction which is 10x bigger than that of current Mac OS users?

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BOFH: Mmm, gotta love me some fresh BYOD dog roll

Ralph B
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Dog Roll

I guess the BOFH was talking about these. Are they sold outside of NZ? It might have been more universally comprehensible to have the cafeteria cooking with canned dog food.

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My self-driving cars may lead to human driver ban, says Tesla's Musk

Ralph B
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Self-driving cars are "almost a solved problem"

Yeah, but don't forget the old ninety-ninety rule, Elon.

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LOHAN unleashes 'waiting for the FAA' collector mug

Ralph B
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Alternatively

Alternatively, how about a "waiting for the LOHAN tankard" collector mug?

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LaCie snuggles up to Apple’s slim 12-inch MacBook with fat HDD

Ralph B
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Re: And another thing...

LaCie is French. They would have eaten your carrier pigeons.

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The voters hate Google. Heeeeyyyy... how about a 'Google Tax'?

Ralph B
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I don't hate Google

I don't hate Google. But then I'm not a voter. (Been out of the country too long.) So, I suppose Osborne might know his public better than I initially thought.

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Can't pay $349 for an Apple Watch? Get a Chinese knockoff for less than $50

Ralph B
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Quick on the draw?

>Less than 24 hours after Tim Cook announced Apple's new wrist-puter

Get out of that Apple reality distortion field. Apple presented this product 6 months ago. I remember it. Please stop pretending that never happened.

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Net neutrality secrecy: No one knows what the FCC approved (BUT Google has a good idea)

Ralph B
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Oh Really, O'Rielly?

I thought it was always spelled "O'Reilly", but this one really seems to be "O'Rielly". I wonder how that happened?

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Scavengers pick bones of collapsed telly-spaff upstart Aereo

Ralph B
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Adapting an Old Joke

Q. How do you make a small fortune at a TV streaming startup?

A. Start with a large fortune.

$100m in funding turned into $2m at wind-up. Mission accomplished, broadcasters.

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El Reg chefs whip up Post-Pub Noshographic

Ralph B
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Re: Another suggestion

But I think it may be worth noting that Willie Rushton died at 59 from complications following heart surgery.

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So long, Lenovo, and no thanks for all the super-creepy Superfish

Ralph B
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Reputation Recovery

Now that they've trashed the reputation and saleabilty of their products, I wonder if Lenovo might consider selling their PC division to someone more professional and ethical? Someone like IBM perhaps?

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Apple design don Jony Ive: Build-your-own phone is BOLLOCKS

Ralph B
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Two Points

Point 1: I'd be more ready to accept Ive's comments on Motorola's support for user-customisations if I hadn't first seen the god-awful colours he chose for the iPhone 5c.

Point 2: I'd be more ready to accept Ive's comments on the responsibilities of designers if I hadn't first seen the god-awful protruding camera lens on the iPhone 6 which, BTW, necessitates user-customisation with phone-cases which are often of very dubious design taste.

So ... twat.

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Rap for fap stack in hack trap flap: This XXX site caught an STI (Script Transmitted Infection)

Ralph B
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Penetration

> It's not clear how deep RedTube, part of the massive PornHub network, was penetrated

From the reputation of the site, I'm guessing the attackers exploited a well-known back door.

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Amazon's delivery drones SHOT DOWN by new FAA rules

Ralph B
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Administrative Schizophrenia

So self-driving cars are OK, but autonomous flying drones are not? How so? It can't have anything to do with Google spending 3x more on federal lobbying than Amazon, can it?

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'Kickass' Somali pirates get their asses kicked by Japanese ass-kickers

Ralph B
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Re: meanwhile

Meanwhile, in the real world, a fall of snow caused our satelite DVR to screw up the wife's recording of Broadchurch S02E04, which was fixed by a google for the bittorrent of it (via kickass.to, AFAIR.) In 2 minutes we could start watching. Very convenient, I thought, and the first time I've used BT in months. (Specially since NetFlix arrived.)

Similarly, I managed to miss the first 2 episodes of Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe, so watched them both via YouTube.

I'm in Europe so iPlayer (and ITV's equivalent) is forbidden to me. We do actually have BBC and ITV channels available via our cable TV provider, but have no DVR functionality configured for it.

So, am I a pirate? Or a terrorist?

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