Feeds

* Posts by Ralph B

1173 posts • joined 12 Apr 2007

Page:

Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet

Ralph B
Silver badge

Fake Queen

The Real HMQ would have written "We" rather than "I".

And She would have used a "wePad" rather than an "iPad".

Or got a butler to do it for Her.

Or her Prime Minister.

0
0

Happy 2nd birthday, Windows 8 and Surface: Anatomy of a disaster

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory...

> Give people what they want, not what you want to give them.

However ... “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses” as Henry Ford said.

What I find more interesting here is how Ballmer, Sinofsky and Nadella are all so, erm, follicly challenged. Is there a Conspiracy of the Bald in charge of Microsoft? Or was Ballmer such a leader that all his minions chose to shave and polish their heads in emulation? Or is it just chance that the last three middle-aged white males at the top of MS have been slap-heads?

8
14

Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries

Ralph B
Silver badge

Textonym

> “textonym” – “one of two or more words that can be generated by pressing the same key combinations on a mobile, e.g. kiss and lips”.

That definition baffled me until I realised it was talking about predictive text input. When Urban Dictionary can write a definition better than Collins and Chambers, it's no wonder the publishing industry is dying.

7
0

Microsoft to enter the STRUGGLE of the HUMAN WRIST

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Pebble still seems the best

Agreed. Still wearing and using my Pebble.

(Not that I can ever understand the need to bring information about the current weather to my wrist. I can look out of the window for that.)

0
0

Whisper tracks its users. So we tracked down its LA office. This is what happened next

Ralph B
Silver badge

Might be a CIA front….

You mean, just like Facebook ... ?

6
0

Careless Whisper? Anonymous messaging app accused of stalking users, blabbing to Feds

Ralph B
Silver badge

> This sounds like a government sponsored app that's used to collect data in an innocuous way. If that's the case then it's a clever ruse.

You mean, just like Facebook?

0
0

Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: I think there's a missing word here...

Maybe she's older than she looks.

4
0

Aboard the GOOD SHIP LOLLIPOP, there's a Mobe and a Slab and a TELLYBOX

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Nexus 6

Ditto.

0
1

Ancient Brits 'set wealthy man's FANCY CHARIOT on FIRE' – boffins

Ralph B
Silver badge

Shouldn't Worry

You can still buy the exact same model from the Morgan Motor Company.

4
0

Finnish PM: Apple has DESTROYED FINLAND

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Ignore him

> This is the same Alexander Stubb who said early this year that the UK had to wake up and understand that the EU is good for them.

Every Finn can probably hear the irony and sarcasm in that one too.

0
0

Sh** just got real: Amazon to open actual shop in New York City

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Argos!

(Maybe we should explain who Argos are to any non-UK readers. (I'm amused to see they've now added an Amazon style "smile"-underline to their logo. Maybe they're hoping for a takeover.))

0
0

Breaking news: Man with Apple shares really wishes they were worth even more

Ralph B
Silver badge

Zune killer?

Surely it was Microsoft that pulled the plug on the Zune. Apple merely produced a product that was competitive with it.

0
0

Put down that shotgun: Wi-Fi's the way to beat Zombies

Ralph B
Silver badge

Here's Hoping

Here's hoping the zombies remember to keep their phones charged.

(Although users of #RIVALPHONEPLATFORM have managed so far, eh? Eh? Eh?)

5
0

No one wants iOS 8 because it's for NERDS - dev

Ralph B
Silver badge

Not the only reason to avoid iOS 8

It also makes your iPad or iPhone (especially, but not only, the only models) almost unusably slow and breaks copy/paste between apps (even Apple apps.)

6
5

Toys fly from prams as HP rivals stoke FUD fires on its split

Ralph B
Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: I'm so excited

> I've been loosing sleep

How do you loose sleep? By slipping Rohypnol in someone's drink?

Or have you actually been losing sleep?

5
1

Apple and GT: Sapphire glass is cracked, but still not broken

Ralph B
Silver badge

Me Confused

In one place the article says:

GT Advanced Technologies filed for bankruptcy protection on Monday, causing its share price to crash and burn — falling by 93 per cent to a measly 80 cents.

In another:

Since the release of the iPhone 6, GT's stock has plunged from $17.38 to $14.94.

So, which is it? $0.80 or $14.94? Or was the latter passed on the way to the former?

6
1

Woman says narco-cops used her PICS to snare drug lords on Facebook

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Paid by the hour...

> This can only happen if the agents involved feel no risk to themselves from doing so.

I rather imagine they thought it was highly unlikely that she would ever find out that they had used her photos. I wonder how she did find out.

[Goes off to check the complaint]

Jeez, the cops used her real name as well as her photos for their "fake" Facebook entry.

Lock 'em up!

21
0

How much is Microsoft earning from its Android taxes again?

Ralph B
Silver badge

Strange World

If you make an Android phone you have to pay Microsoft $3.29. If you make a Windows phone you have to pay Microsoft nothing at all.

12
1

Yahoo close to investing $20m in disappearing chat app Snapchat

Ralph B
Silver badge

Was it $20 billion?

I wonder if it would have been $20 billion before Apple copied the Snapchat picture-expiry functionality into iOS 8 ... ?

0
0

Apple's iPhone 6 can REVERSE BALDNESS (and cause it, too)

Ralph B
Silver badge

Before and After

Surely we're missing a key piece of information here: Were these people bald before they got their iPhone 6?

4
0

Sea-Me-We 5 construction starts

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Down Under

Nevermind. Maybe the Ozzies will be able to catch some bandwidth from an occasional wayward Loon balloon.

0
0

Apple: SO sorry for the iOS 8.0.1 UPDATE BUNGLE HORROR

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Maids a milking

Apple appear to have had trouble getting a fully-working piece of software out the door to meet their hardware deadlines.

Judging on how that sticky-out lens camera lens cover on the back of the iPhone 6 looks like an tacked-on solution to an unexpectedly large component within, I'd say that Apple appear to have had trouble getting a fully-working combination of hardware AND software out the door to meet their marketing deadlines

9
2

Bacon-related medical breakthrough wins Ig Nobel prize

Ralph B
Silver badge

Oh, stick it up your nose!

0
0

Edge Research Lab to tackle chilly LOHAN's final test flight

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Thermos

Actually, maybe it's not too late. How about, when you have everything in place, you fill the remaining space in LOHAN with expanding polystyrene foam? That might be able to keep LOHAN's innard's from getting too cold too quickly as she soars skywards, no?

0
0
Ralph B
Silver badge

Thermos

I guess it's a bit late in the day to replace the main body of LOHAN with a thermos flask ... ?

0
0

Drones CAN'T deliver goods ... oh. Air traffic control system backed by NASA, you say?

Ralph B
Silver badge
Alert

A theoretical problem

Given the average drone's 20 minute maximum flight time limit, putting a number of them in a holding pattern over a busy location is hardly going to be workable plan, is it?

1
0

LOHAN tin-rattles to a whopping £27,000 on Kickstarter

Ralph B
Silver badge
Headmaster

Tankard?

Shouldn't a tankard have a handle? Isn't El Reg's one actually just a glass?

(Not complaining. I've got one on order. And I'd have another if I could.)

2
0

Apple's SNEAKY plan: COPY ANDROID. Hello iPhone 6, Watch

Ralph B
Silver badge
Pirate

Thief Magnet

Now that the Find-My-iPhone location/disabling tech has started to reduce iPhone thefts, I can see the next target-of-choice for muggers is going to be that big, shiny & expensive Apple Watch.

So, I won't be buying one. :-)

0
0

Tinder sexual harassment suit settled in undisclosed deal

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: objectivifies potential sexual partners

Humans can have sex without "objectifying" each other. There's nothing wrong with an app that allows consenting adults to find sexual partners. I think the assumption that it requires objectification says more about you than it does about other people.

Well, since the Apple version of the Tinder app would have been written in Objective C, the company has certainly been "objectivying" the data of the potential sexual partners, at the very least. I think the assumption that I, as a Register commentard, might have been using the term "objectivying" in any other than a programming sense, says more about you than it does about me.

0
0
Ralph B
Silver badge

Quelle Surprise

So, it looks like the developer of an app that objectivifies potential sexual partners has been objectivifying his business partner. Who'd've thunk it?

8
1

General Motors to intro HANDS-FREE DRIVING tech by 2016

Ralph B
Silver badge

Worried? Me?

I mean, it's not as if GM would use defective parts (and deny the fact for a decade) for their self-driving cars, is it? So, nothing to worry about then.

5
0

Nude celeb pics wrongly blamed for DDOS at New Zealand's largest ISP

Ralph B
Silver badge

Click Bait

And the celebrity nudes angle? It's unverified. And likely a way to get you clicking on stories.

But El Reg caught me with it again. Curse 'em!

5
0

Ballmer PERSONALLY wrote Windows' Blue Screen of Death text

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Year Zero

I guess I'm getting downvotes because, on first impression, my post might look a bit spammy. It wasn't meant to be. I have no commercial connection with Rob Reid or his publisher. I just finished reading the book and rather enjoyed it. The "out-of-this-world" bit was not exagerated praise, it was just a reference to the non-terrestial influence on the development of MS Windows which is suggested in the epilogue of the book.

1
0
Ralph B
Silver badge
Alien

Year Zero

Commentards might like to read Year Zero - particularly the epilogue - for an out-of-this-world explanation of what has been going on with Microsoft Windows.

0
3

Microsoft's SELFIE-TASTIC Nokia 830, 730: Complete with DOG SMILE WHITENER

Ralph B
Silver badge

On the Internet

On the internet with a Lumia, nobody knows you're a dog with yellow teeth.

3
0

CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Ralph B
Silver badge

"We've all done these things"

"We've all done these things ... in front of cameras" said the CNN "technology analyst".

Have we? Really? Am I really alone in never having taken a nude selfie?

I think you've all gone mad.

87
0

Cave scrawls prove Neanderthals were AT LEAST as talented as modern artists

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Art or Design?

OK, 2nd idea: I wonder if it is not more likely that the Neanderthaler was just DBAN-ing a nude selfie cave painting that was causing embarrassment in his social network.

2
0
Ralph B
Silver badge

Art or Design?

repeatedly passing a robust cutting tip over the rock in the same direction

I wonder if it is not more likely that the Neanderthaler was just sharpening his cutting tool, rather than (intentionally) creating art.

1
1

Uber alles... nein! Deutschland imposes NATIONWIDE BAN on taxi app

Ralph B
Silver badge

Umlaut.

They really should not have forgotten the umlaut in "Über".

10
0

Not even CRIMINALS want your tablets, Blighty - but if that's an iPhone you're waving...

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Lots of stats, but...

It could indicate either the prevalent ethnicity of the thieves, or the prevalent ethnicity of the thieves targetted by the police. I'm not sure how these could be disintangled.

1
0

Virgin Media blocks 'wankers' from permissible passwords

Ralph B
Silver badge

Odd List

I may be an innocent, but why is "finian" on the list? It might sound a bit like "fenian" but that isn't on the list.

Why is "pedofilia" listed but not "pedophilia" or ""paedophilia"? Are Virgin Media just wanting to block illiterate perverts?

Banning "cnut" is a bit rough on students of Norse history, but I can understand why they might have done so. Similarly "flange" for DIY fans. I understand (from Urban Dictionary) that it's occasionally used as a euphemism for lady's parts, but by that argument "ladysparts" (and a thousand other euphemisms) should also be on the list, and it isn't.

This list misses a whole bunch of swear words including one of the famous Seven Dirty Words.

Odd.

2
0

Ice cream headache as black hat hacks sack Dairy Queen

Ralph B
Silver badge
Thumb Up

My Compliments to Mr. Pauli

A story about an ice-cream chain that included the phrases "chilling news", "initial waffle", "details were milky", "cool sales" and "sweet news". Well played, sir! Very well played!

11
0

Exclusive SPB t-shirt flies into Kickstarter

Ralph B
Silver badge
Pint

Or in combination with a tankard, like the other T-shirt?

(BTW: Is this tankard really a tankard? If so, where's the handle, eh?)

1
0

'Stop dissing Google or quit': OK, I quit, says Code Club co-founder

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: G00gle is

> "crowdfunded" obligatory surveillance

That sounds like Stewart Lee describing Twitter as a "state surveilance agency staffed by gullible volunteers. It's a Stasi for the Angry Birds generation."

28
0

Reg man looks through a Glass, darkly: Google's toy ploy or killer tech specs?

Ralph B
Silver badge

Battery Life

Why don't they just stick a 2nd battery on the other arm? It would double the battery life and fix the aesthetic (and physical) imbalance in one go.

15
0

Amazon Twitch snatch catches Google the gobbler off guard

Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Wow

But since they say "We're keeping most everything the same: our office, our employees, our brand, and most importantly our independence" I guess they won't have to suffer the conditions of Stalag Amazon. And Amazon have lots of examples to support the promises on independence - Audible, IMDB, DPReview, etc. etc.

1
0

Brit Sci-Fi author Alastair Reynolds says MS Word 'drives me to distraction'

Ralph B
Silver badge

@BongoJoe: Word isn't the best tool for job

That rather suggests that you think there is some other software that is the best tool for the job. So, what is it? Alastair Reynolds' point seemed to be although Word is awful, there is nothing else that supports the functions required in the publishing business. But if you know better then please let us (and Mr Reynolds) know what it is.

We know Microsoft make a substandard hammer, but does anyone else make a better one?

5
2

LOHAN gets laughing gear round promotional mug

Ralph B
Silver badge

Practical Questions

Are the mug-logos dish-washer proof?

Is the T-shirt logo tumble-dryer proof?

0
0
Ralph B
Silver badge

Re: Looking good

Will the XXXL T-shirts also use the "stretched" logo, so that it appears circular when worn by their fuller-figured owners?

22
0

US Copyright Office rules that monkeys CAN'T claim copyright over their selfies

Ralph B
Silver badge

Too Late Now

But I'm betting that David Slater now wishes he hadn't told the story about how the macaque took the photo. If he'd kept quiet about it, the copyright would now be his.

Of course, this decision also means that a load of fine photographs of animals in the wild, triggered via movement detection, will now also suddenly be Public Domain.

So, I guess we won't be seeing so many of those in the pages of the National Geographic in future.

8
8

Page: