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183 posts • joined 12 Apr 2007

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fWHoaR! Trick-cyclists crack eternal mystery of WHAT WOMEN WANT in a man

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Where was this study done?

A speed-dating venue in Singapore. Not exactly a 'scientific' sample. A fine example of bad science, bad statisics etc.

I know Valentine's day is approaching and this kind of nonsense tends to float to the top of the journalist's pond around now, but even the researcher's called Valentine!

Come to think of it it's probably not bad science, just completely made up.

Which is much better.

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Ubuntu desktop is so 2013... All hail 2014 Ubuntu mobile

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Dictionary swallowed but not digested

metaphors (6) , paradigms (2) - but it seemed like more

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Smart metering will disrupt weather forecasts, warns Met Office

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Alert

Yes, but..

...what about the Met Office radar? Will nobody think of the Met Office radar?

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White AMERICANS will have become MEKON brain-men by 3000AD

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...a group of Americans...3000 AD?

I don't think so.

History suggests otherwise.

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UK.gov: ICT in schools ain't dead, it's just resting

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Re: "dull and demotivating",

Indeed. Aren't most school lessons dull and demotivating? When I was there, I thought that was the whole idea.

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Lush website hack 'exposes credit card details'

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Lush - Luxury?

Have you seen their products?

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Consumer Reports: 'We were wrong about the iPhone 4'

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Sticky-backed plastic!

Blue Peter could fix this, no problem.

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JooJoo tablet offered to Brits

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CruchPad?

logical extension of a laptop?

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Electronic Bodyguards bureau sets up shop in Switzerland

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A pitch

Sounds like a pitch for a TV series.

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Microsoft spits out 'browser choice' update to appease EC antitrust probe

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Looks dodgy

That pop-up looks like a poorly executed rogue pop-up. No microsoft branding etc. my first reaction was - what the hell's this? malware? My first instinct was to close it and run a malware check and berate myself for visiting some dodgy website.

Then it dawned on me it was the Microsoft EU thing come to pass - but I wonder if plenty of other people had the same reaction I did. Inspired visual design I'd say

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'Electronic fags' are useless - US prof's startling claim

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Virginia?

really?

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Microsoft erases Windows 8 optimism

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And now...

for something completely different!

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Sony to revamp movie classics for 3D era

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Not enough information, surely

I can't see there being enough information available in a 2d image to generate believable 3d consistently. Presumably relative movement of parts of the image could work in some cases, given enough computing power, (maybe NASA's got some spare time?) but I reckon the result would be even more nauseating (literally) than 'genuine' 3d.

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Wales Audit Office boss sacked amidst laptop smut claims

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A Bowtie

is really a cry for help.

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Oz eyes Chinese cane toad market

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Headmaster

Not evolution

I doubt that that's evolution at work, it's more likely cultural inheritance. No less impressive for that though.

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Avatar kills Taiwanese man

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So!

It' s the likes of you that prevents me getting to sleep at night - tormented by the sound of exploding petrol stations.

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Guinness to hit three quid a pint

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Knuckles

wrapped with what?

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Tories swallow Web 2.0, spit out £1m crowdsource prize

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Terrifying

but thank God it's a politician proposing it, so it's fully innoculated against actually happening.

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High-speed Chinese train kicks French, Japanese butt

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We already did

only we had a more convenient source of labour in Ireland.

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Can anyone explain the chunnel fiasco?

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Solution

WD40

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Google UK boss: Think of us as a newsagent

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Metaphors

Parasite? Newsagent?? Surely they're honest-to-goodness Information Pimps, and as such perform a valuable social function.

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PayPal mistakes own email for phishing attack

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Banks, and another thing...

...I love it when they phone you up out of the blue and immediately start asking you security questions to prove *your* identity. I always ask them how do I know they're who they say they are as my phone says 'number withheld' and they generally get put out by my effrontery.

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Govt promises unemployed free laptops, net access, websites

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Government Promises

The clue is in the title.

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Generators and UPS fail in London datacentre outage

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Generators

Probably had electric starters.

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Making Muvizu: DIY animation is here

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Lip sync?

I dont't think so. Looks like one of those badly dubbed euro ads.

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Large Hadron Collider scuttled by birdy baguette-bomber

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Murphy's Law

The biggest and probably the most expensive machine on the planet and a random bird knocks it out? That's the sort of class-act cock-up I would create. A case of tunnel (sic) vision in the design department?

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Whitehall plans 'White Noise' phone network collapse

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To quote Groucho Marx:

Outside of the improvement, no one will notice the difference.

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Home Office: El Reg may be right on vetting figures

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Empty the Prisons!

That's it! Don't waste all that money on locking people up - just give them a 'criminal record' and send them on their way. They won't be able to get any kind of job and will be permanently consigned to an underclass of CRB branded sub-citizens. What could possibly go wrong?

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45th Mersenne prime revealed

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Maths?

'GIMPS said it would donate $25,000 of the prize money to charity and award $50,000 to the UCLA math department.'

OK , 25,000 + 50,000 = 75,000? so er, where's the rest of the 100,000 going?

Maybe they can't add up.?

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Super 'sun-hot' plasma rocket in fullbore bench test triumph

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@AC who called me an idiot

a)I know perfectly well how it would be done - by firing thrust in the opposite direction - that was precisely my point.

b)You can't spell - idiot.

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stopping?

One thought occurs to me. I can see that a good lick of speed can be built up over a long period of time with a low powered engine, the problem, however, would be stopping. The low power would take an eqivalently long time to de-accelerate the craft. Net result: no real saving in time (though maybe in fuel?).

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Nation's parents prepare to be vetted

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re: tax avoidance

scheme wouldnt work - or at least would be tax neutral - as you'd have to pay inome tax on the money you received. And think of the paperwork...

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AI robots to mark exams

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Handwriting recognition?

I don't think so. Presumably a machine can only mark 'tick the box' questionaires, which aren't really exams at all.

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Geordi LaForge video-to-brain rig built at MIT

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microfabricated polyimide stimulating electrode array with sputtered iridium oxide electrodes

...because you're worth it.

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Ex-BT tech chief quits Phorm

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Real Names?

Why do all the people who are involved in these types of business tend to have made-up names straight out of some second rate SF novel? Stratis Scleparis and Kent Ertugrul indeed!

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James Martin apologises for cyclist outrage

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Never heard of James Martin..

but now I have. Damn.

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LG promises 3D plasma telly

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Thumb Down

Puppet show

I can just about get the idea of 3d cinema - a sort of total immersion experience as a substitute for actually doing something. But on a TV the little 3d images will just be - I can not think of a better word - silly. The whole 3d thing smacks of desperation to me.

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Israelis offer unmanned robo smart-missile 8-pack

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re: bootnote

smart-missile 8-pack = 8?

or: ' *It's no coincidence that both systems hold one less than a square number:'?

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UK media: 'Met Office computer will destroy the world'

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The weather

Actually it's been a rather good summer. Most figs for 10 years, (I'm in Norfolk,UK) and the fig tree likes summer. The harvest was in weeks ago...

If you keep telling people (actually it seems more like a nervous tic afflicting half the population) that it's been a lousy summer they all seem to believe it.

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Forget solar panels, it's time for rooftop slime-tanks

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further research ...

Call me cynical, but whenever I see those words I know exactly what's going on.

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How to turn a world leader into a fourth-rate broadband economy

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A little unfair...

...to compare a country with the geographical spread of the USA with small places like South Korea, Japan and Sweeden with (relatively) dense populations. Most of those white regions are deserts and suchlike - certainly low population densities. I know the - 'there's no call for it' - statements from providers can be a tad irritating, (I remember BT's glacially slow broadband 'roll-out') but if you live in the middle of the Arizona desert, it's probably true.

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Kettle car breaks speed record

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Unhappy

100 years later...

I can't help thinking that the passage of 100 years should have enabled a greater advance in speed than 12mph.

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MoD stokes media-paralysing UFO feedback loop

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WTF?

File Names.

What's up with those weird (dated?) .ftp file names? Seems a logical progression -albeit missing years - until DEFE 24/2086. Is this an insight into the MoD mindset?

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Ditching ID cards would save £3bn

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Not about saving the money

Surely, it's whether it's a 'good idea' or not.

Government spending is just re-cycling our own money - if they don't spend it on this, they'll spend it on something else, probably equally daft like jet fighters or battleships.

Not doing this project won't actually 'save' any money. The money goes back into the economy whatever it's spent on.

he main economic concern is who most directly benefits from the money flow.

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BT's giant new faster broadband boxes blocked

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Happy

Why not make it look nice?

You know, thatched roof, mock tudor beams etc. Lovely.

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Dutch spam suspect fined €250K

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Random Fines

21m spams from a (presumably ) legal server = 250k

Botnet herder (totally illegal in all respects), 9bn spams = 75k

Doesn't add up.

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UK.gov's Jobs Search site needs some work

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double take

whemever I see 'Jobsite' I always misread it as that rather wonderful Irish expression 'Gobshite'.

The human mind is a wondrous thing.

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Hubble snaps fall-out from Jupiter impact

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Re: Proper Units of Measurement

Recently experienced on 'Look East' - voice-over describing the awesome power of a new Fire Brigade pump: " It can empty an olympic-sized swimming pool in next to no time".

Which begs the question, "How long would it take to empty 2 olympic sized swimming pools?"

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Bank fined £3m for data loss

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Presumably

the fine is taken from the bonuses of the management?

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BMW to ride in with 115-mile range e-scooter?

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Curious looking beast

Looks as if can take a passenger, but they get wet if it rains.

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