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* Posts by Shady

209 posts • joined 11 Apr 2008

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Planning to fly? Pour out your shampoo, toss your scissors, RENAME TERRORIST WI-FI!

Shady

The power of nightmares is highly illuminating.

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Xiaomi boss snaps back at Jony Ive's iPhone rival 'theft' swipe

Shady
Megaphone

It's a rectangle...

.. with rounded filed-off corners. You talk in one end. You listen at t'other. You poke the bit in the middle. Apart from prettying it up, there's really fuck-all you can do with it, design wise.

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'Bill Gates swallowing bike on a beach' is ideal password say boffins

Shady

At last, all my services are secure

"Me typing password into google"

"Me typing password at work"

"Me typing password into online banking"

"Me typing password into amazon"

There, that ought to do it

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Fiat 500S: So pleasingly sporty we didn't want to give it back

Shady

Re: NEVER buy a Fiat

You do know what FIAT is an acronym, don't you?

Fixed It Again, Then?

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Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team

Shady

Re: Embarassing

"I've caught you red handed coming out from behind the bike sheds! Hand over that iPad immediately and go and stand in the Naughty Corner until your Surface reboots"

"But Dad - I was only smoking!"

"Oh, OK. Sorry son, I thought you were doing something bad"

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Apple 'Genius': iPhone 6? We've had NO COMPLAINTS about our BENDY iThing

Shady
Trollface

You imply that you spend a lot of time staring at peoples bottoms. Is it really "your campus", or do you get chased away a lot?

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Shady

Apple must be REALLY worried about this problem

if they've swallowed their pride and agreed to speak to el reg about it.

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Joseph Gordon-Levitt to play Edward Snowden in Oliver Stone movie: report

Shady
Pint

Fuck me, that's a yawn just waiting to happen. I'll be in the pub, ta

0
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Oh God the RUBBER on my SHAFT has gone wrong and is STICKING to things

Shady
Trollface

Re: Heat Shrink Tubinng

That doesn't work. I find that my wife gets extremely sticky some time after I've used the bondage tape on her.

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Getting to the BOTTOM of the great office seating debate

Shady

Vitra Workbays. known to those that have to use them...

...as office cubicles with rounded corners. Patent Pending Filed

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James Bond's metal-toothed nemesis Richard Kiel dies at 74

Shady

The Humanoid

I had a soft spot for this film as a kid, probably has not stood the test of time though...

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Smart meters in UK homes will only save folks a lousy £26 a year

Shady

Re: Irrelevant

You will. You will be made to. And if you continue to resist, your name will be added to the official list of dissenters.

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SAN-free, NAS-free? Scottish PHDs lift kilt on how they'll pull storage out of the aether

Shady

If you're running a company with 25+ PC's and you can't drop 2k on a NAS

Then you've got bigger problems.

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DNS cockup locks Virgin Media customers out of ntlworld.com email

Shady

DNS cockup locks Virgin Media customers out of ntlworld.com email

All three of them

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Six of the best gaming keyboard and mouse combos

Shady

I would really like a decent gaming mouse and keyboard

But I don't want my home-office to look like the bedroom of a spotty teenager.

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Bright lights, affordable motor: Ford puts LED headlights onto Mondeo

Shady

Re: Meanwhile, laser light appears

Don't worry, as long as the lasers are being used as indicators then they'll never get fired.

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Object storage bods Exablox: RAID is dead, baby. RAID is dead

Shady

Re: Marketing overload!!!

And anyone representing a startup and using the word "disrupt" is a complete and utter c**t

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UK.gov eyes up virtual currencies, fingers red tape dispenser

Shady

The gov say VC's should be regulated...

.. and I hear the word "taxed"

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Android banking apps vulnerable to cash theft by CAS hole hackers

Shady

Not really...

... because it's not guarding THEIR money

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UK WhatsApp duo convicted of possessing extreme porn

Shady

Re: Possessing an image likely to cause injury

Psychological Injury? "What has been seen, cannot be unseen?"

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Pentagon hacker McKinnon can't visit sick dad for fear of extradition

Shady
Joke

Drive a few miles south...

... tweet "on way to holiday in Penzance! #Suckers"... turn around, drive due north a few hundred miles...

Unless I missed the bit about requiring to go through customs when you visit Scotland (from England).

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Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

Shady

Re: Ha!!! Henderson, Anderson ,Sanderson, whetever the hell your name is

My surname is Cope. COPE. It must be one of the easiest-to-spell surnames in the english language. It is not:

Cup, Cop, Copp, Coup, Coop, Coope, Coupe, Coppe, Copper, Couper, Cooper, Copi, Copa, Coper (close I suppose!) or Copy or any of those derivations beginning with the letter K when speaking to an east european call center.

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Wireless charging stretches the friendship by 45mm

Shady
Coat

Re: It's going to make my bedside table a lot neater.

Ewwww! Wirelessly rechargeable vibe rack?! (fetches dirty mac)

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'Blow it up': Plods pop round for chat with Commonwealth Games tweeter

Shady
Black Helicopters

Re: Plods really are dumb

Not too dumb to subpoena el reg for your IP address though, so unless you posted through TOR you could well still be stuffed.....

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THUD! WD plonks down SIX TERABYTE 'consumer NAS' fatboy

Shady
Trollface

Re: Bays

How does the hard drive know how many bay-siblings it has? Is it somehow self-aware?

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UK.gov pops lid off £700m barrel of non-Cloudable hosting pork

Shady
Trollface

I've got a reseller account

I can sort 'em out, and salt away a decent profit

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Microsoft not good enough for you, eh? 'Next Steve Ballmer' drives to Google

Shady
Happy

Forgle is short'n'sweet

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Microsoft's Lumia 930... a real HANDFUL

Shady
Joke

Re: er, specs?

Your typical el reg reader wants swearing, bad puns, pedantry etc.

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The Windows 8 dilemma: Win 8 or wait for 9?

Shady
FAIL

Re: Time for some truly revolutionary GUIs?

Computer: "What you like to do now Dave?"

Dave: "Write a letter"

Computer: "Would that be in Office 2010, Office 2013, Office 365, WordPad, LibreOffice......"

Dave: "Any. The first. I don't care"

Computer: "To which First are you inferring? President? Birthday?"

Dave "The First Office Version!"

Computer: "I do not have have Office 1 Installed"

Dave: "I want to write a letter using Office 2010"

Computer: "Office 365 is the current version. Would you prefer to use that instead"

Dave: "YES!"

Computer: "Would you like to add a heading to your letter?"

Dave: "Yes"

Computer: "Please tell me your heading"

Dave: "Gimme back my fucking mouse pointer and icons"

Computer: "I do not understand the word gimme"

Dave: [cocks handgun]

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Going up: Fancy a virtual flight to 30km above the PLANET?

Shady
Thumb Up

Re: Skeggie???

Panda's Palace! Those hand-powered carts were fantastic! Plus, the big arcades opposite the Embassy introduced me to Nemesis, Starbike, Jackal, Double Dragon, Toobin', 720 etc. And no-one, and I do mean no-one, could knock off my high scores on Mappy. Pity they're just full of gambling machines and the odd big cabinet now.

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Shady
Joke

Or

For much less money, visit Skegness Pier and have a go on the thirty year old Simulator Ride!

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

Shady

Re: Ultimately, it saves massive amounts of time (and petrol).

Now come on, that's a bit harsh. I know some fuckwits are completely unbearable but burning them alive isn't really acceptable, surely?

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NASA: Satellite which will END man-made CO2 debate in orbit at last

Shady
Trollface

Re: On the gripping hand..

This is The Register comments section, not the Daily Mail's

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Pension quango's £18.5m project FINALLY goes live... 2 months late

Shady

£18.5m is a "mega deal"?

Not for a gov project - that would barely cover what the consultants spend in Starbucks.

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BOFH: You can take our lives, but you'll never take OUR MACROS

Shady
Paris Hilton

Using Excel to catalogue film collections....

... is for non-techies.

At a younger age I built a micro-CMS to catalogue all my porn clips - depending on my mood that night (or that morning, or mid-afternoon, as long as my Mum was out shopping) I could sort them by my star rating, how many times watched (ah, I'm fed up with TP, I'm going to watch JJ for a bit instead), or category (er, Position? "Finish?")

No Joke-Icon. Honestly. But curiously enough, One Night In Paris only scored 1/5 for me.

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SHOCKER: CIA CIO CAN confirm that AWS cloud safe for big government

Shady

Of course the CIA knows that AWS is safe

Because they are holding the keys.

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The cute things they say

Shady

My bwuvver, copying some porn to, ahem, a floppy disk

Bro: My file won't fit on the disk.

Me: How big is the file?

Bro: (holding up thumb and forefinger about an inch apart) about this big

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Snowden's Big Brother isn't as Orwellian as you'd think

Shady
Joke

Re: Shady So porn images were filtered out?

There - fixed it for ya :)

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Shady

So porn images were filtered out?

So all the cyber terrorists had to do to maintain security was wear fake boobs. Sorted.

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Ukrainian teen created in lab passes Turing Test – famous nutty prof

Shady

Re: Mike

"I hear the results from Saturday will be put into a paper of some sort."

Such as the Daily Mail. EAST EUROPEAN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE ON ITS WAY TO CLAIM BENEFITS FROM UK TAXPAYERS!

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Google reaches into own silicon brain to slash electricity bill

Shady

Re: All good stuff

Unless you produce you owm power?

What have Smeg and the Heads got to do with it?

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Londoners urged to cut landlines and take up wireless broadband

Shady

You do know that...

...shortly after telling BT / Talk Talk / Virgin to f*** off and you take out that nice shiny wireless broadband contract, they'll go the way of RedHotAnt.

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Piketty thinks the 1% should cough up 80%. Discuss

Shady

Re: That assumes continuation of state education and the NHS

The real problem with the NHS was the way Labour squandered the money. For example, when they came to power there was a shortage of Nurses so Labour poured a ton of money into employing.... Highly Paid Managers. To increase the efficiency of the Nurses time management.

There was (is) also the problem of PFI. Launched by the Tories, the Labour government picked up the ball and really ran with this one, ending up with hospitals that cost many times as much to run privately on behalf of the NHS than the NHS could do directly themselves.

The NHS is being undermined - by forced privatisation by the Tories and sheer incompetence by Labour. It needs more money to prop it up but that money needs to be spent on actual services, not on lining a private healthcare companies ledger or employing a gang of overpaid whip-crackers to make an over-worked Nurse work even harder.

Maybe (and there is probably a better solution) one solution is to divorce management of the NHS from the state and make it a government funded, autonomous entity, as long as provisions were made to ensure funds made available for the NHS didn't just disappear into the deposit account of large, private healthcare companies?

Disclaimer - I am a regular customer of the NHS. I am a type 1 Diabetic and also have a combination of Dyspraxia and Charcot joint disease, which between them have seen me taken to casualty on average once every three years of my life (I'm now 40, I've had about 12 admissions) with either a DKA or broken limbs, and on one occasion a suspected subarachnoid hemorrhage. I've had to clean a ward bathroom whilst an in-patient because the hospital could not afford to clean them every day and I didn't fancy showering whilst my fellow ward-mates vomit or faeces were staring at me from the shower tray - that was just four years ago.

In the past I've also been told to make a single-use syringe last for three days (that's fifteen injections - and they are blunt as fuck after two) because the GP couldn't afford to prescribe more than one pack of ten a month.

So yes, in my *experience* the NHS was and is severely underfunded.

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US bloke raises $250k to build robo-masturbation device

Shady

So if there's a power cut...

... that would constitute a Denial Of Service attack?

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JJ Abrams and Star Wars: I've got a bad feeling about this

Shady

Re: "other asteroid disaster movie"

That's just being astronomically pedantic

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Portable toilet mistaken for killer Nork drone

Shady

So it was a UFO?

Unidentified Floater Object?

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Google: Mmm. Tab-free Gmail desktop client? We won't DENY it

Shady

OMFG!

Are they really trying to make it look like outlook.com?

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Birmingham's Computer Bookshops Ltd goes titsup

Shady
Unhappy

Re: A sad day

Similarly, I've probably bought around fifty or sixty books from them over the years. Always wanted to support the little guy over Amazon et al, so apart from buying direct (Apress or Packt) nearly all of my non-fiction book shopping was through CompMan.

'tis a sad day indeed

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Quick Q: How many FLOPPIES do I need for 16 MILLION image files?

Shady

Floppy disks nearly got me punched

I gave my mate at uni a copy of some C++ IDE which came on about sixty disks. He spent about 18 hours installing it and then realised I hadn't given him the last disk - it was still in my PC. His Mum switched his PC off when he went out to collect the last disk from me.

The cursing was enough to make a PFY blush

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Carphone Warehouse, Dixons embroiled in £3.7bn merger rumour

Shady

Re: How About

Dick Warehouse?

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