131 posts • joined Friday 11th April 2008 12:12 GMT
Re: I predict
You utter knob - my check-in buddy just had to perform the hind-lick maneouvre on me after I snorted my cornflakes.
Re: IT angle?
It's this big
My brother was trying to copy a file onto a floppy disk on my old Amiga, and came to me because it wouldn't work.
"Well, how big is the file?" I asked
"About this big" he replied in all seriousness, holding up thumb and forefinger.
Re: If Apple don't
Because this just does not work as well as a native app. My wife was pissed when IOS6 removed the native youtube app (I "accidentally" installed IOS6) - as being visually impaired she uses voiceover to set the ipad up for our son, who is autistic and has dyspraxia - and he can't cope with the web-shortcut approach either. Both general usability and voiceover are just that bit shitter on websites than on a well written native app. One family, two edge cases, but not insignificant ones. Personally, as someone with neither dyspraxia, autism or visual impairment, I think IOS6 is shit compared to IOS5, as soon as I can be arsed I will roll it back.
WTF is Mauve?
Pale Violet with a Trace of Mauve - seriously - WTF? Is this Woman's Own? Knitting Monthly? Real men - even IT "men" - don't do "Pale Violet with a Trace of Mauve". Everything is red, orange, yellow, green, blue or purple. Or brown (as in alert), Violet we can just about comprehend but not fucking Mauve. It's a made up colour for girls, like Cerise or Bisque (look - I'm married. My wife bandies these "colours" around *a lot* and expects me to know them too. I just nod and agree, otherwise I'll get angry, then she'll get angry and before you know it I'm sleeping on the couch - sorry, settee - again). If you have to give it a name call it Magenta - at least the printer guys will know what the fuck you are on about.
Two discs? They could at least have offered an HD-DVD version....
It's not a fault...
... it's Instagram, implemented in hardware so it can't be switched off
Apple first complained his app, Drones+, wasn't useful
From the first firm to approve a fart app on a smart phone
<-- what happens when you light one of my farts
Re: 438 per cent better, but that is for drawing rectangles
Yes, - but are they rectangles with rounded corners?
RE: @"Apple had not returned a request for comment at the time of publication. ®"
It's part of El Reg's page template
Because they're cheap as chips? Sorry.
Re: I'll be shocked
Could be that the other four projects have already failed. Semantically, their statement would still be correct and free of lies.
Re: Prison 101
I've been married twenty years so I'm something of an expert. And my wife doesn't know "Shady" is my pseudonym so there's no risk of bodily harm
Make them code...
...a "Jurassic Park" scale application in Visual Studio 11 Beta. For added cruelty, display a picture on their desk of what Visual Studio used to look like before metro.
Re: Prison 101
We'll see you locked up with Jo Brand then
Could be worse
Might have used a Kinect to identify you. "Dance like a bell-end to confirm your identity. Wave arms frantically if you want £10. Do a jig for £20"
Carry on using Vi then, Linus! (had one too many at lunch)
When I tried the VS11 beta...
...I felt like I'd just upgraded from my Amstrad PCW 8256.
Samsung should compete by introducing a Galaxy 8.3. Apple could then retaliate by producing an iPad 9.2 and then Samsung could counter with a 10.1. Brilliant! Oh......
Me too. As a contractor I pay virtually no NI. I do however pay tax three times over - Corporation Tax, PAYE on a directors salary and Tax on my Dividend payments over a certain limit. Paying reduced NI and being able to claim expenses are the big savings, tax, not so much. The "quality tabloids" and the other stirrers claiming that these people are only paying 20% tax are either just plain wrong or are wilfully misinforming the public to stir up grief. Yes, these people *are* only paying 20% in tax - assuming that they do not then withdraw that money in the form of dividends and are instead squirelling it away for a rainy day. They will get (income) taxed when it's withdrawn, unless they pay themselves small dividends of say £30,000 a year or less (finger in the air - I do not claim to be an accountant) and have no further sources of income. It's all swings and roundabouts. Not paying NI isn't such a dodge either, as they will not receive Statuary Sick Pay (SSP) in the event of illness, and under the old / current rules may receive a reduced state pension. And that is the limit of my understanding. And I am probably completely wrong
I'm suing your ass #SeeYouInCourt
Cue Dr Evil voice
And frickin' laser beams!
...victory would mean that terrorists could communicate openly, and disguise their heinous intentions by appending LOL to the end of every message?
<- Joke, but potentially - not a joke
I spent the last 30 minutes trying to defocus, but I still couldn't see the naked chick
Can't speak for EVERY fanboi / none fanboi. I was making a generalisation, which I'm still convinced holds true for the vast majority of iphone users. I'n my own circle of friends / contractors (about 15) we are split roughly 50/50 between Android and Apple, with one windows phone user. The windows phone user wanted to take a risk, to be different - he's ready to ditch his phone because he just doesn't use it - although it is more user friendly it lacks enough eye candy to make him WANT to use it - consequently he uses less than his old HTC Desire. The Apple guys will stay with Apple until their iPhones are wrenched from their cold, dead hands, and the Androids are all in a "see how the mood takes me" when it comes to upgrade time. As for myself, I've got an HTC Desire S, my first foray in to the smart phone world and I'm a little disappointed. When my contract is up I will give the iPhone a go, but I will consider the Windows phone IF I can be convinced of it's merits - I already have an iPod touch and don't mind carrying two devices with me.
The Apple fanbois will only ever go for the iphone. The deluded, self-loving media types will only ever go for the iphone even if they aren't fanbois, so Windowsphone has to steal most of it's market share from Android, which boils down to HTC and Samsung.
Assuming you have no problem with windows or Microsoft (I do not) Here is the problem for windows phone - customer looks at an HTC advert or screengrab and thinks "I WANT to use that, it looks great". They then look at an S2 and think "that looks awesome - lots of icons and apps that DO something - I don't know what, but I'll enjoy finding out", then look at windows phone and think "Look how bland that looks - what does it actually do?", and the punter is NOT inquisitive enough to find out.
Me? I don't do facebook or twitter, I'm an old fart, so I look at windows phone, take away the facebook and twitter updates and I'm left with... a dumb phone.
"It forces me to dress a certain way" No it doesn't, it stops you from dressing a certain way - there are countless dozens of other ways to dress that are still legal in France.
"all I want to do is live according to my religion." -you were dressed according to your culture, not your religion. The two might be related, but not the same.
We need a tiny Charlie Sheen to choose from.
The consultant might have had a decent work ethic....
Although he may have to claim expenses for a new keyboard and treatment for carpal tunnel syndrome.
The man is an inspiration
To you sir, another beer salute.
@Sir Runcible Spoon - the entire world, barring perhaps one irate airline passenger, agrees. It is now a matter of public record that he endangered no-one and caused no inconvenience. To prosecute him the airline would surely have to perjur itself?
So a "computer expert"...
...has finally 'echoed' (or re-worded) the opinion that the readers of this rag have been spouting for the last 18 months??
FFS, we are all doomed.....
So that'll be
400,000,000 lost and abandoned accounts where people are too bloody stupid to remember where they put that post-it note with their passwords, and 100,000,000 Very Sad People.
Give it another 10 years....
....and the government will be using them to enforce parking and traffic laws
What this proves....
Is that a knob who has got £600 to spend on a fondle slab also has surplus money to splash out on (excuse me) solo masturbatory devices.
So in my mind at least, iPad owners are even bigger wankers than I thought they were.
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