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* Posts by Shady

185 posts • joined 11 Apr 2008

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THUD! WD plonks down SIX TERABYTE 'consumer NAS' fatboy

Shady
Trollface

Re: Bays

How does the hard drive know how many bay-siblings it has? Is it somehow self-aware?

11
0

UK.gov pops lid off £700m barrel of non-Cloudable hosting pork

Shady
Trollface

I've got a reseller account

I can sort 'em out, and salt away a decent profit

1
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Microsoft not good enough for you, eh? 'Next Steve Ballmer' drives to Google

Shady
Happy

Forgle is short'n'sweet

1
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Microsoft's Lumia 930... a real HANDFUL

Shady
Joke

Re: er, specs?

Your typical el reg reader wants swearing, bad puns, pedantry etc.

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The Windows 8 dilemma: Win 8 or wait for 9?

Shady
FAIL

Re: Time for some truly revolutionary GUIs?

Computer: "What you like to do now Dave?"

Dave: "Write a letter"

Computer: "Would that be in Office 2010, Office 2013, Office 365, WordPad, LibreOffice......"

Dave: "Any. The first. I don't care"

Computer: "To which First are you inferring? President? Birthday?"

Dave "The First Office Version!"

Computer: "I do not have have Office 1 Installed"

Dave: "I want to write a letter using Office 2010"

Computer: "Office 365 is the current version. Would you prefer to use that instead"

Dave: "YES!"

Computer: "Would you like to add a heading to your letter?"

Dave: "Yes"

Computer: "Please tell me your heading"

Dave: "Gimme back my fucking mouse pointer and icons"

Computer: "I do not understand the word gimme"

Dave: [cocks handgun]

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0

Going up: Fancy a virtual flight to 30km above the PLANET?

Shady
Thumb Up

Re: Skeggie???

Panda's Palace! Those hand-powered carts were fantastic! Plus, the big arcades opposite the Embassy introduced me to Nemesis, Starbike, Jackal, Double Dragon, Toobin', 720 etc. And no-one, and I do mean no-one, could knock off my high scores on Mappy. Pity they're just full of gambling machines and the odd big cabinet now.

0
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Shady
Joke

Or

For much less money, visit Skegness Pier and have a go on the thirty year old Simulator Ride!

1
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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

Shady

Re: Ultimately, it saves massive amounts of time (and petrol).

Now come on, that's a bit harsh. I know some fuckwits are completely unbearable but burning them alive isn't really acceptable, surely?

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1

NASA: Satellite which will END man-made CO2 debate in orbit at last

Shady
Trollface

Re: On the gripping hand..

This is The Register comments section, not the Daily Mail's

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2

Pension quango's £18.5m project FINALLY goes live... 2 months late

Shady

£18.5m is a "mega deal"?

Not for a gov project - that would barely cover what the consultants spend in Starbucks.

1
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BOFH: You can take our lives, but you'll never take OUR MACROS

Shady
Paris Hilton

Using Excel to catalogue film collections....

... is for non-techies.

At a younger age I built a micro-CMS to catalogue all my porn clips - depending on my mood that night (or that morning, or mid-afternoon, as long as my Mum was out shopping) I could sort them by my star rating, how many times watched (ah, I'm fed up with TP, I'm going to watch JJ for a bit instead), or category (er, Position? "Finish?")

No Joke-Icon. Honestly. But curiously enough, One Night In Paris only scored 1/5 for me.

0
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SHOCKER: CIA CIO CAN confirm that AWS cloud safe for big government

Shady

Of course the CIA knows that AWS is safe

Because they are holding the keys.

0
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The cute things they say

Shady

My bwuvver, copying some porn to, ahem, a floppy disk

Bro: My file won't fit on the disk.

Me: How big is the file?

Bro: (holding up thumb and forefinger about an inch apart) about this big

0
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Snowden's Big Brother isn't as Orwellian as you'd think

Shady
Joke

Re: Shady So porn images were filtered out?

There - fixed it for ya :)

0
0
Shady

So porn images were filtered out?

So all the cyber terrorists had to do to maintain security was wear fake boobs. Sorted.

4
1

Ukrainian teen created in lab passes Turing Test – famous nutty prof

Shady

Re: Mike

"I hear the results from Saturday will be put into a paper of some sort."

Such as the Daily Mail. EAST EUROPEAN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE ON ITS WAY TO CLAIM BENEFITS FROM UK TAXPAYERS!

18
1

Google reaches into own silicon brain to slash electricity bill

Shady

Re: All good stuff

Unless you produce you owm power?

What have Smeg and the Heads got to do with it?

0
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Londoners urged to cut landlines and take up wireless broadband

Shady

You do know that...

...shortly after telling BT / Talk Talk / Virgin to f*** off and you take out that nice shiny wireless broadband contract, they'll go the way of RedHotAnt.

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Piketty thinks the 1% should cough up 80%. Discuss

Shady

Re: That assumes continuation of state education and the NHS

The real problem with the NHS was the way Labour squandered the money. For example, when they came to power there was a shortage of Nurses so Labour poured a ton of money into employing.... Highly Paid Managers. To increase the efficiency of the Nurses time management.

There was (is) also the problem of PFI. Launched by the Tories, the Labour government picked up the ball and really ran with this one, ending up with hospitals that cost many times as much to run privately on behalf of the NHS than the NHS could do directly themselves.

The NHS is being undermined - by forced privatisation by the Tories and sheer incompetence by Labour. It needs more money to prop it up but that money needs to be spent on actual services, not on lining a private healthcare companies ledger or employing a gang of overpaid whip-crackers to make an over-worked Nurse work even harder.

Maybe (and there is probably a better solution) one solution is to divorce management of the NHS from the state and make it a government funded, autonomous entity, as long as provisions were made to ensure funds made available for the NHS didn't just disappear into the deposit account of large, private healthcare companies?

Disclaimer - I am a regular customer of the NHS. I am a type 1 Diabetic and also have a combination of Dyspraxia and Charcot joint disease, which between them have seen me taken to casualty on average once every three years of my life (I'm now 40, I've had about 12 admissions) with either a DKA or broken limbs, and on one occasion a suspected subarachnoid hemorrhage. I've had to clean a ward bathroom whilst an in-patient because the hospital could not afford to clean them every day and I didn't fancy showering whilst my fellow ward-mates vomit or faeces were staring at me from the shower tray - that was just four years ago.

In the past I've also been told to make a single-use syringe last for three days (that's fifteen injections - and they are blunt as fuck after two) because the GP couldn't afford to prescribe more than one pack of ten a month.

So yes, in my *experience* the NHS was and is severely underfunded.

30
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US bloke raises $250k to build robo-masturbation device

Shady

So if there's a power cut...

... that would constitute a Denial Of Service attack?

2
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JJ Abrams and Star Wars: I've got a bad feeling about this

Shady

Re: "other asteroid disaster movie"

That's just being astronomically pedantic

6
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Portable toilet mistaken for killer Nork drone

Shady

So it was a UFO?

Unidentified Floater Object?

1
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Google: Mmm. Tab-free Gmail desktop client? We won't DENY it

Shady

OMFG!

Are they really trying to make it look like outlook.com?

2
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Birmingham's Computer Bookshops Ltd goes titsup

Shady
Unhappy

Re: A sad day

Similarly, I've probably bought around fifty or sixty books from them over the years. Always wanted to support the little guy over Amazon et al, so apart from buying direct (Apress or Packt) nearly all of my non-fiction book shopping was through CompMan.

'tis a sad day indeed

1
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Quick Q: How many FLOPPIES do I need for 16 MILLION image files?

Shady

Floppy disks nearly got me punched

I gave my mate at uni a copy of some C++ IDE which came on about sixty disks. He spent about 18 hours installing it and then realised I hadn't given him the last disk - it was still in my PC. His Mum switched his PC off when he went out to collect the last disk from me.

The cursing was enough to make a PFY blush

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Carphone Warehouse, Dixons embroiled in £3.7bn merger rumour

Shady

Re: How About

Dick Warehouse?

1
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Microsoft may launch several new Surfaces on May 20 – report

Shady

Isn't an extra thick slab just a "brick"?

Are they going to make one that's thinner than it is wide this time?

1
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Samsung files patent for ear-mounted Google Glass competitor

Shady

So after Glassholes we now have

Eartards?

0
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BEHOLD the HOLY GRAIL of TECH: The REVERSIBLE USB plug

Shady

Now if we can just rid the world of....

... 3 pin power supplies where the captive cable comes out of the top of the plug instead of the bottom.

And hang, draw, quarter and piss on the graves of the motherf*king w*nkstains who thought that was a great design.

8
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ITU given keys to autonomous car standards process

Shady
Black Helicopters

Re: It's not their party

I don't know - on UK roads approximately 1 death for every two million miles driven doesn't sound that bad - unless you end up being that "1".

On seconds thoughts, I'm currently covering 30,000 miles per year, so I'm odds on to kill someone (possibly myself) with 20 odd years of driving behind me and 30 ahead of me.

Yeah, you're right.

(That's an Air Ambulance, BTW)

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Women! You too can be 'cool' and 'fun' if you work in tech!

Shady

Sorry petal...

... the cool and fun bit bolted a while back.

You should've been quicker, luv.

0
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Hey, MoJ, we're not your Buddi: Brit firm abandons 'frustrating' crim-tagging contract

Shady

£1 billion for tags?

It would be cheaper to just stick the bad guys in the slammer.

2
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Mac Pro fanbois can rack 'em and stack 'em like real sysadmins

Shady
Trollface

"I'll admit I'm not much of an Apple fan and try not to bash, but seriously what's the point of this? What advantage does this give you over 6U of boxes?"

A free ad in El Reg?

1
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Play.com tech titan snaps up 'VoIP-tastic WhatsApp' firm Viber

Shady

Absolutely. Play used to be my 100% exclusive go-to place for CD's, games & DVD's. Since Rakuten took over and turned it Yet Another Marketplace I've bought one single solitary item from them - and only because I failed to find it anywhere else. (a very particular edition of the Likely Lads, if you must know).

Over the years I've placed approximately £6,000 of orders on Play.com before Rakuten screwed it up - most of that money is now going to Amazon and Apple (eww), as much as I hate to admit it.

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Baby's got the bends: LG's D958 G Flex Android smartie

Shady

Re: Does it come in a range of bendiness?

I no longer fancy the thought of buying an ex-demo for a few quid cheaper

8
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EE rolls out Brightbox fix... but it WON'T stop packet sniffers, DNS meddlers – infosec bod

Shady

Fantastic

Can they now rollout working 4G? Seeing as I'm paying for that and despite living in Nottingham and working in Sheffield (both 4G cities), haven't actually seen a 4G signal in 8 months.

0
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Virgin Media's flaky broadband network turns Bolton off

Shady

Re: Borged by Liberty

With my service it's the audio on CTV channels. And it whenever it drops out, it is coincidently *always* during an important part of the dialogue.

And as for On-Demand?

Browse films.

Pick a film

Pay for film

Only *then* do I get the message "On demand is unavailable - oversubscribed" (or some such - and I'm the only person on the street with VM)

Then I have to phone VM and ask for my money back, because they've already added it to the bill.

"But you can watch the film anytime in the next 48 hours" they reply,

Then I want to sigh down the phone. "you fucking worthless cretin - do you not understand the concept of 'on-demand?' Do you not understand that I've opened a bottle of wine, sat down with the missus, the kid has gone to sleep at a reasonable hour for the first time in a fucking month and I won't get this opportunity again for another month? Why can't your piece of shit set-top box just not tell me I can't watch a film BEFORE you've fucking billed me for it?"

But I bite my tongue because I'm far too reasonable for my own blood pressure, and ask again nicely

9
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Shady

Should have purchased...

... the reliability bolt-on...

Sorry

1
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Think British weather is bad? It's nothing to this WOBBLY ALIEN planet

Shady

Whereas our weather...

...currently resembles that of LV-426

8
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Apple seeks patent for mood-sensing technology

Shady
Trollface

How apple engineers plan to implement

if(device.rebrander == brands.apple)

{

mood = "sense of overwhelming superiority, joy, and happiness approaching sexual nirvana"

}

else

{

mood = "sexually inadequate, anorak wearing loser with nasal hair and BO"

}

0
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Microsoft yanks Surface 2 DIM SCREEN of DEATH fix in update snafu

Shady
Megaphone

With Surfaces potentially going under Christmas trees this season....

"I TOLD YOU I WANTED AN IPAD!!!!!!" WAH!!!!!!

13
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Google Glass pics will BAFFLE admirers: Nudge nudge, WINK WINK

Shady

That's an awful lot of accidental purchases and lawsuits just waiting to happen

10
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Go on, buy Bitcoin. But DON'T say we didn't WARN YOU

Shady

It is panto season....

... oh yes they can! (but they shouldn't)

9
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Drobo tarts up storage boxen: Now they're APP SERVER platforms

Shady
Trollface

This advertorial....

...was bought to you by Drobo - proud sponsors of The Register

1
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What you need to know about moving to the Azure public cloud

Shady

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MOVING TO THE AZURE PUBLIC CLOUD

Plan for downtime about once a week because of

1) DNS cockup*

2) Routing cockup*

3) SSL Certificate cockup*

* Delete as applicable. Or not.

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eBay head honcho: Amazon drone delivery plan is 'FANTASY'

Shady

At last...

... a retailer other than Amazon has managed to generate some free publicity...

0
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Blighty could put a (WO)MAN on MARS by 2040, says sci minister

Shady

Please!"

Let it be Harriet Harman!

5
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It's true, the START MENU is coming BACK to Windows 8, hiss sources

Shady

At this rate...

... Windows 8 will be *almost* as good as Windows 7 by 2025

9
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If you want an IT job you'll need more than a degree, say top techies

Shady

Re: Do I need to explain

They don't pay any VAT, just like any other business that is VAT registered (flat rate excepted) . They only pass on the VAT that we pay.

Employers contributions are almost negligible when the majority of the workforce are barely above the minimum wage (an employee has to work approximately 19 hours per week at the minimum wage before Employer contributions would kick in).

And they probably got a decent business rate concession from the local council in order to bring "jobs" to the local economy, and it wouldn't surprise me if they got a grant from local gov. to help with the cost of building the warehouse.

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4G networks are BIG TIME SUCK for us videogame-obsessed Brits

Shady

Be nice if I could even get 4G

I spend my time flitting between Nottingham and Sheffield. According to EE I have good 4G coverage, but according to me, I haven't even seen a 4G signal once in three months. Only the fact that I've been so overworked that I haven't had time to watch cat videos has stopped me from complaining about it.

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