158 posts • joined 11 Apr 2008
So after Glassholes we now have
Now if we can just rid the world of....
... 3 pin power supplies where the captive cable comes out of the top of the plug instead of the bottom.
And hang, draw, quarter and piss on the graves of the motherf*king w*nkstains who thought that was a great design.
Re: It's not their party
I don't know - on UK roads approximately 1 death for every two million miles driven doesn't sound that bad - unless you end up being that "1".
On seconds thoughts, I'm currently covering 30,000 miles per year, so I'm odds on to kill someone (possibly myself) with 20 odd years of driving behind me and 30 ahead of me.
Yeah, you're right.
(That's an Air Ambulance, BTW)
... the cool and fun bit bolted a while back.
You should've been quicker, luv.
£1 billion for tags?
It would be cheaper to just stick the bad guys in the slammer.
"I'll admit I'm not much of an Apple fan and try not to bash, but seriously what's the point of this? What advantage does this give you over 6U of boxes?"
A free ad in El Reg?
Absolutely. Play used to be my 100% exclusive go-to place for CD's, games & DVD's. Since Rakuten took over and turned it Yet Another Marketplace I've bought one single solitary item from them - and only because I failed to find it anywhere else. (a very particular edition of the Likely Lads, if you must know).
Over the years I've placed approximately £6,000 of orders on Play.com before Rakuten screwed it up - most of that money is now going to Amazon and Apple (eww), as much as I hate to admit it.
Re: Does it come in a range of bendiness?
I no longer fancy the thought of buying an ex-demo for a few quid cheaper
Can they now rollout working 4G? Seeing as I'm paying for that and despite living in Nottingham and working in Sheffield (both 4G cities), haven't actually seen a 4G signal in 8 months.
Re: Borged by Liberty
With my service it's the audio on CTV channels. And it whenever it drops out, it is coincidently *always* during an important part of the dialogue.
And as for On-Demand?
Pick a film
Pay for film
Only *then* do I get the message "On demand is unavailable - oversubscribed" (or some such - and I'm the only person on the street with VM)
Then I have to phone VM and ask for my money back, because they've already added it to the bill.
"But you can watch the film anytime in the next 48 hours" they reply,
Then I want to sigh down the phone. "you fucking worthless cretin - do you not understand the concept of 'on-demand?' Do you not understand that I've opened a bottle of wine, sat down with the missus, the kid has gone to sleep at a reasonable hour for the first time in a fucking month and I won't get this opportunity again for another month? Why can't your piece of shit set-top box just not tell me I can't watch a film BEFORE you've fucking billed me for it?"
But I bite my tongue because I'm far too reasonable for my own blood pressure, and ask again nicely
Should have purchased...
... the reliability bolt-on...
Whereas our weather...
...currently resembles that of LV-426
How apple engineers plan to implement
if(device.rebrander == brands.apple)
mood = "sense of overwhelming superiority, joy, and happiness approaching sexual nirvana"
mood = "sexually inadequate, anorak wearing loser with nasal hair and BO"
With Surfaces potentially going under Christmas trees this season....
"I TOLD YOU I WANTED AN IPAD!!!!!!" WAH!!!!!!
That's an awful lot of accidental purchases and lawsuits just waiting to happen
It is panto season....
... oh yes they can! (but they shouldn't)
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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MOVING TO THE AZURE PUBLIC CLOUD
Plan for downtime about once a week because of
1) DNS cockup*
2) Routing cockup*
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* Delete as applicable. Or not.
... a retailer other than Amazon has managed to generate some free publicity...
Let it be Harriet Harman!
At this rate...
... Windows 8 will be *almost* as good as Windows 7 by 2025
Re: Do I need to explain
They don't pay any VAT, just like any other business that is VAT registered (flat rate excepted) . They only pass on the VAT that we pay.
Employers contributions are almost negligible when the majority of the workforce are barely above the minimum wage (an employee has to work approximately 19 hours per week at the minimum wage before Employer contributions would kick in).
And they probably got a decent business rate concession from the local council in order to bring "jobs" to the local economy, and it wouldn't surprise me if they got a grant from local gov. to help with the cost of building the warehouse.
Be nice if I could even get 4G
I spend my time flitting between Nottingham and Sheffield. According to EE I have good 4G coverage, but according to me, I haven't even seen a 4G signal once in three months. Only the fact that I've been so overworked that I haven't had time to watch cat videos has stopped me from complaining about it.
The ability to hold back 640ml should be enough for anyone.
The Doctor needs the BOFH as a companion
Although who gets to be the Alpha Male in that partnership could lead to much hilarity
Re: Why the hell...
I live on a new-build housing estate - and I live in the only household that has any VM subscriptions of any kind. It's like I've got the internet to myself.
"the company is not quite sure what will happen when the database goes over 100TB in size" - dammit, I'm not risking my porn stash with that thing then.
Re: I predict
You utter knob - my check-in buddy just had to perform the hind-lick maneouvre on me after I snorted my cornflakes.
My son is terrified of the Four Foot Snake living inside my PC
Re: IT angle?
It's this big
My brother was trying to copy a file onto a floppy disk on my old Amiga, and came to me because it wouldn't work.
"Well, how big is the file?" I asked
"About this big" he replied in all seriousness, holding up thumb and forefinger.
Re: If Apple don't
Because this just does not work as well as a native app. My wife was pissed when IOS6 removed the native youtube app (I "accidentally" installed IOS6) - as being visually impaired she uses voiceover to set the ipad up for our son, who is autistic and has dyspraxia - and he can't cope with the web-shortcut approach either. Both general usability and voiceover are just that bit shitter on websites than on a well written native app. One family, two edge cases, but not insignificant ones. Personally, as someone with neither dyspraxia, autism or visual impairment, I think IOS6 is shit compared to IOS5, as soon as I can be arsed I will roll it back.
WTF is Mauve?
Pale Violet with a Trace of Mauve - seriously - WTF? Is this Woman's Own? Knitting Monthly? Real men - even IT "men" - don't do "Pale Violet with a Trace of Mauve". Everything is red, orange, yellow, green, blue or purple. Or brown (as in alert), Violet we can just about comprehend but not fucking Mauve. It's a made up colour for girls, like Cerise or Bisque (look - I'm married. My wife bandies these "colours" around *a lot* and expects me to know them too. I just nod and agree, otherwise I'll get angry, then she'll get angry and before you know it I'm sleeping on the couch - sorry, settee - again). If you have to give it a name call it Magenta - at least the printer guys will know what the fuck you are on about.
Two discs? They could at least have offered an HD-DVD version....
It's not a fault...
... it's Instagram, implemented in hardware so it can't be switched off
Apple first complained his app, Drones+, wasn't useful
From the first firm to approve a fart app on a smart phone
<-- what happens when you light one of my farts
Re: 438 per cent better, but that is for drawing rectangles
Yes, - but are they rectangles with rounded corners?
RE: @"Apple had not returned a request for comment at the time of publication. ®"
It's part of El Reg's page template
I read it as an abbreviation of "so-called" network
Don't worry about it
Someone will publish an aero overlay, sooner or later. I'm off to buy a few shares in Stardock
Because they're cheap as chips? Sorry.
Re: I'll be shocked
Could be that the other four projects have already failed. Semantically, their statement would still be correct and free of lies.
Re: Prison 101
I've been married twenty years so I'm something of an expert. And my wife doesn't know "Shady" is my pseudonym so there's no risk of bodily harm
Make them code...
...a "Jurassic Park" scale application in Visual Studio 11 Beta. For added cruelty, display a picture on their desk of what Visual Studio used to look like before metro.
Re: Prison 101
We'll see you locked up with Jo Brand then
Could be worse
Might have used a Kinect to identify you. "Dance like a bell-end to confirm your identity. Wave arms frantically if you want £10. Do a jig for £20"
They all drives Saab's and Volvo's...
...so no one will get hurt anyway
Carry on using Vi then, Linus! (had one too many at lunch)
When I tried the VS11 beta...
...I felt like I'd just upgraded from my Amstrad PCW 8256.
- Updated Zucker punched: Google gobbles Facebook-wooed Titan Aerospace
- Elon Musk's LEAKY THRUSTER gas stalls Space Station supply run
- Windows 8.1, which you probably haven't upgraded to yet, ALREADY OBSOLETE
- FOUR DAYS: That's how long it took to crack Galaxy S5 fingerscanner
- Did a date calculation bug just cost hard-up Co-op Bank £110m?