* Posts by CockKnocker

52 posts • joined 10 Apr 2008

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Seven Dwarfs password gag declared Fringe's best

CockKnocker
Coat

My one is better

So a woman stopped me in the street the other day, "Excuse me sir do you mind telling me what grooming products you use". You should have seen the look on her face when I told her, "Facebook, Haribo sweets and puppies".

*Badumdum Tschhhh*

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Bullfrog Syndicate

CockKnocker
Go

Please oh please

Will someone re-make this game, it was awesome. I check every few months to see if there is a re-make in the works but alas I am left wanting. A re-make of Frontier Elite would be fekkin aweseme as well, Oh and Canonfodder!

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Koreans produce $3m glow-in-the-dark dog

CockKnocker
Go

What about

Growing me a labrador sized elephant. I want one!!!!

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Sunspot decline could mean decades of cold UK winters

CockKnocker
Gimp

Who woulda thunk it!

Just read this on the daily mail of all places!! (yeah I know, daily mail)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2011667/Global-warming-new-ice-age-YOURE-paying-politicians-hysteria.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

1st article ive ever read from that paper which made sense!

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iPhone 4, iPad mole faces 30 years' federal porridge

CockKnocker
FAIL

30 Years!!?

For defauding apple? Christ child murderers get less. Don't F*** with apple!

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Virgin Media blames Activision for Call of Duty lag problems

CockKnocker
Gimp

Easy Solution?

I experienced virgin media broadband when I moved into my new flatshare. Get home from work, maybe watch an episode of top gear on iplayer and then the internet connection flatlines thru throttling. All games were unplayable online, bfbc2, left4dead2, world of tanks, you name it. Needless to say I promptly took over the house internets, set up with a sky broadband package and never looked back. Everything worked lovely. Sounds like im bigging up sky here but their broadband policy regarding throttling / traffic shaping is very good.

TLDR : Virgin Media are fekking awful, use a different ISP.

Gimp icon cos I like gimps.

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O2 boots up boobies blocker

CockKnocker
FAIL

So Unfair!

There I was half way though a very enjoyable self abuse session at work and the porn blocker came on. This made me very angry so I rang up the O2 man, he was very nice though and let me finish myself off while he stayed on the phone.. (And If u dont have a credit card it takes 2 bloody days to get your mobile smut back!)

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Couple crash into church, curse satnav

CockKnocker
FAIL

Oh dear

Unfortunately there is a good chance that this couple have already managed to breed, owing to their age, thus helping create a new generation of total fu**ing idiots.

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Disconsolate Spanish smokers driven out into blizzard

CockKnocker
Pint

Yeah but

A fag and a pint or a fag and a coffee is the best combination in the world. Just try it!!!

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Anonymous attacks Tunisia: Zine El Abidine Ben Ali offline

CockKnocker
Coat

Splitters!

What about the popular front, hes over there!

Splitter!

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EU sues UK.gov over Phorm trials

CockKnocker
FAIL

Brilliant, except......

Will BT and Phorm be liable for this fine or will it be the taxpayer. Methinks its gonna be the taxpayer. Big fat triple fail.

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Nutter repairmen scale 1,768ft TV mast

CockKnocker
Thumb Up

awesome!

Hahaha I saw this vid the other day and *&^% me its scary just to watch. I like the bit at the end where he is at the very top and not even holding on. Mental, and makes me feel a bit sick.

Question: For £1000000 cash would you climb it? I think most people would be crying like a baby by the time they got halfway hehe.

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Steve Jobs no ninja, says Apple

CockKnocker
Coat

sooo

Ninjas can walk on water

Jesus "the fictional character from that kids book" could walk on water

ergo jesus was a ninja

As we all know steve j is also jesus, he is definitely a ninja as jesus was a ninja!

Case Closed!

Crikey I think I may have hurt my brain trying to think that one through.

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It's non-stop fun in Zero Carbon Britain, 2030

CockKnocker
Flame

Hooray!!!!

For green facism, right im off to punch a badger in the face and burn a tree, take that hippies!

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Antarctic glacier melt maybe 'not due to climate change'

CockKnocker
Flame

Really?

Who woulda thunk it, the climate changes on its own without interference from man, what you mean like it has been doing since year 0? That cant be!!! Think of the children!!!

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BOFH: Trussssst in me

CockKnocker
Thumb Up

Hurrah!

BOFH is back and on form!!

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Apple's panties in bunch over Microsoft ads

CockKnocker
Pint

fair enough ;)

hehe i may have done a bit of generalising there and the specs are a bit different but still I couldnt believe the cost difference between a cheap laptop and a slighly better specced mac. Tis Huge!! I stay away from macs cos I like my games but im all for choosing the right tool for the job whether its a mac or pc but OMG macs are pricey! And isnt the OS based on a flavour of unix/linux? So shouldnt it be free? Could be completely wrong here but im sure that the mac os was developed from opensource..

Beer again, cos its nice :)

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CockKnocker
Pint

im a pc!

Did some price checking the other day for a mate who wanted a laptop. Nothing fancy, just for interwebbing etc. For £400 I found him a 2.5ghz dual core, with 4gb ram and 500 gb hdd. (From ebuyer i think) MacBook Pro at a similar spec was pushing £1700. Yeah the mac is pretty with a slightly quicker cpu but who on earth would spend £1000 more for almost the same spec but in a shiny case.

Beer cos its friday and soon I will be drowning in the stuff :)

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Phorm confirms TalkTalk fail

CockKnocker
Pint

Praise Be!

So looks like Phorm are dying here then, thank god for that!! Ahahahahahahah.

Oh and couldnt ignore comment from Ihre Papiere Bitte!!, I was with talktalk for 2 years. Worst customer service ever, so bad its almost funny, they do throttle and they are generally $hite, I would love to see them go the way of Phorm. Die Phorm and Die Talktalk.

Beer, cos I like beer, a lot...

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ISPs frosty on Jacqui's comms surveillance plan

CockKnocker
Flame

shes going?

Praise be! The mad witch is off! There are no words to express my relief that she is going but may she burn in hell. I feel a few celebratory beers coming on!

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BNP DDoS 'mega-assault' not actually mega in the least

CockKnocker
Unhappy

my 2cents

Why dont the UK just adopt the aussie style of immigration law. If you aint rich, smart, qualified, or can do a skill we need then sodoff we dont want ya. A boat load of illigals tries to dock, sod off away from our waters (plus escort from boat with big guns). If you come here to sponge off the state and not integrate into our society, we dont want ya! Instead over here the government lets in rapists, terrorists, lowlifes, chavs, etc etc. All the undesirables. I can kinda see why the BNP has such a prob with immigration. Obviously they go waaay to far with their crackpot policies but they are voicing concerns a lot of "normal" people have. Who to vote for anyway, they are all as bad as each other when it comes down to it. From the classic film brewsters millions, ill vote for "none of the above!".

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NebuAd knocks at death's door

CockKnocker
Alien

goodamn them!

They mostly come at night, mostly....

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Fox terminates The Sarah Connor Chronicles

CockKnocker
Unhappy

i liked it!

Byebye sarah cronner cronicles, the ending of series 2 really made me wanna see the next series!

And I especially liked the foxy terminator (summer glau), she could throw me around any day ;)

The movie should be cool, but by making it a 12A its gonna be like the 1st AvP film - Pants.

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Yorkshire boozer establishes 'smoking research centre'

CockKnocker
Thumb Up

Woohoo!

Lets try and scupper this rubbish law by getting all our local pubs in on the act, surely if enough pubs do this they wont be able to enforce this rubbish law! And before the anti-smoking brigade jump in on this as long as we have our own room and people have a choice to sit in smoking or non smoking there should be no problem. Its our choice if we want to smoke same as its yours not to. Each to their own! Lets get this rolled out nationwide!!

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Hulu recognizes Blighty existence

CockKnocker
Go

Wanna watch it?

As AC put before install HotSpotShield, TaDaaaa..... Hulu thinks you are an american!

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Apple brands UK tabloid 'obscene'

CockKnocker
Thumb Up

I will be the only one then

That reckons the sun newspaper is great, full of sensationalist rubbish, beatiful ladies on page 3 and lotsa football. Yeah its a trash paper but its a fun read, and certainly better than the daily mail!!

Long live page 3! and Keeley! and Becky! and Nikkala! Mmmmm

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CockKnocker
Happy

ages

the minimum age to get your "norks" out is 18 here (uk), on average the girls in the sun are in their early 20's. (Or so they say).

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Can you talk and drive?

CockKnocker
Stop

You think the police can drive?

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/4/20090504/tuk-police-cause-nine-crashes-a-day-dba1618.html

ahahaha, they suck just as much as the rest of us!

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Tiscali titsup fears grow

CockKnocker
Thumb Up

HA!

Good I hate Tiscali almost as much as I hate talktalk. May they burn in ISP hell!

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Moderatrix quits El Reg: Latest

CockKnocker
Paris Hilton

is it just me?

Or did her rant make everyone else excited as well. Bet she wears leather and carries a whip! Punish me Sarah Punish Me! Or maybe I just outed myself as some kinda depraved weirdo either way, im still excited!

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Revolting French workers bite 3M's balles

CockKnocker
Coat

lol had to agree with the headline

Yes they are revolting arent they!! Sorry couldnt resist.

(Mines the one with very smelly cheese in the pockets)

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Hyundai readies Volt-style hybrid

CockKnocker
Thumb Up

not bad

Out of all the tree-hugger cars Iv'e seen so far, (apart from the tesla) this doesnt look half bad. Well compared to the abortion that is the "Pious"!

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Suit seeks close of Craigslist's red-light district

CockKnocker
Go

go prozzies go!

Everyone loves prozzies so whats the big deal!!! - right im off to thailand!

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Government wastes £4.6m on mobile telly nonsense

CockKnocker
Go

STD's?

@ Chris C - After speaking to my 18 year old cousin the other day I have decided that yeah, they are all that stupid!!

@ Tony72 - Brilliant idea mate, when you start production keep me in mind as the "oil boy", cheers

Alternately you could just show em pics of skanky STD's (you know, when they look terminal, and they probly are lol), scare em into wearing em!

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BOFH: Aspie no questions

CockKnocker
Coat

hahaha

I always wanted tourettes because of the fun you can have, now im thinking about swapping that for Aspergers tho ;)

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Pirate Bay prosecutor tosses infringement charges overboard

CockKnocker
Pirate

ahahahahaha

Again, ahahahahaa!

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Kids online: Parents need to regulate, says Ofcom

CockKnocker

Parnets need to monitor their kids?

Really? Id never have guessed, instead of site blocking and government intervention, how about parents take responsibility for what their kids do online. The internet is not a babysitter ffs!

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Robotic exoskeleton gets gardening job

CockKnocker
Coat

can i...

Dont care about picking sprouts or digging them up but if I buy one can I jump a hundred feet, kick down walls, pickup a car, fly, or at least something cool? If not I think im gonna pass...

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Aussie government to rig filter testing

CockKnocker
Thumb Up

Go to NZ

Thats ok move to NZ as its even nicer and they dont have the same daft laws. Emmigrating there is also easier than oz :)

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BOFH: The Christmas party

CockKnocker
Thumb Up

brilliant

Ive had dreams about slotting my colleagues with a paintball gun, Im gonna see if I can organise somthing for our xmas party, hehe

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Lego terrorist threatens democracy

CockKnocker
Happy

fantastic

Its just a modern day version of cowboys and indians! Good guys vs bad guys, where is the harm in that!

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Grand Theft Auto IV PC debut gets SecuROM sideshow

CockKnocker
Pirate

my 2 cents

And it will take less than a day for a hacked "drm free" version to hit the torrent sites. Hooray!

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AT&T cops to Jesus Phone-as-modem app

CockKnocker
Jobs Halo

heyzoos phone

Dont worry el reg I like the name! jesusphone jesusphone jesusphone jesusphone jesusphone

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BitTorrent crackdown cops fail to pay music copyright fees

CockKnocker
Thumb Down

good luck alan ellis!!

All this for some file sharing, why the police dont spend their valuable time and resources fighting crime is beyond me. He was a scallywag who shared some music big whoop, go out and catch some rapists or something!!

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EA Europe struggles squeezing out Spore

CockKnocker
Thumb Down

Mine was ok but....

I got the game on saturday and have had no problems, issues like this are typical of EA though. Presumeably because they choose a launch date and thats it, the poor programmers are trying to play catchup, hence the 1gb patches etc that you can expect for any ea game after release. What really gets my goat is when purchasing through the EA downloader you have a limited time to use the download then it expires. Or you can buy an extended service for £2 and have the right to download the game for 2 years... Hang on didnt I just buy the game??!!!!! I should have rights forever. You cant even burn the download to disc as it bins out with serial number issues. V annoyed.....

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That password-protected site of yours - it ain't

CockKnocker
Paris Hilton

interesting...

Ok so I dont care whether this is an old or new vulnerability, it is news to me. The important question is, Can I now get all the free Pr0n in the world thanks to google cache, please god yes........

Paris cos who hasnt seen that vid

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T-Mobile not alone in spinning price hikes

CockKnocker
Flame

so what can i do

Barstewards! I just got stung with a £150 bill for exactly this. Burn O2 down!!!

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BT starts threatening music downloaders with internet cut-off

CockKnocker
Pirate

there are ways....

For now, encrypt your torrents (azurus is good), install the vidalia bundle and you are as secure as you can be.

And there is an alternate on the horizon goin by the name .p2p : http://torrentfreak.com/the-pirate-bay-sees-a-future-without-bittorrent-071030/

And for now you can use newsleecher that is pretty hard to track too.

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Yes! It's the Knight Rider satnav!

CockKnocker
Thumb Up

awesome

Im gonna go buy one tomorrow, knightrider is ace, long live the hoff!

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Dissolving the plastic bag problem

CockKnocker
Boffin

how far could this go

Ok so the bacteria eats plastic which is made from oil, right? Now im not saying that this is a bad inverntion but... What is to stop this bacteria speading, reproducing and going for all plastics and perhaps even developing a taste for our dwindiling oil reserves? Im not a scientist type but I imagine the boffins would want to tinker with something like this. Is this possible or should I just go put my tinfoil hat back on?

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