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* Posts by Fatman

1303 posts • joined 6 Apr 2008

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VMware reveals 27-patch Heartbleed fix plan

Fatman
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Re: running workarounds

There are too many underskilled/ overworked /alienated (by manglement's insistence to do more with less to the point of not caring) sysadmins out there to ensure that this issue will not be fixed quickly.

A slight semantic difference, but, still,

FTFY!!!

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Helpdesk/Service Desk Recommendations

Fatman
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Re: Zendesk

Allow me to fill in a couple of blanks.

We also use the Gooddata option to get some detailed performance reporting out of it, which revealed amusing stats about common issues, and well... certain individuals (IDIOT manglers) who monopolise IT's time more than they should, and the reasons they do the monopolising (sheer stupidity and gross incompetence).

FTFY!!!

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Sticky Tahr-fy pudding: Ubuntu 14.04 slickest Linux desktop ever

Fatman
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FAIL

Re: Head to head

And then there is the massive re-training all your users will need, and you'll have to explain command line to them - you can't avoid that with Linux.

Is that you, Loverock Davidson???

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Candy Crush King sees IPO go sour as stock price heads south

Fatman
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RE: King's IPO

Don't you fools understand,

IPO stands for

Initial

Profit is

OURS!!!!!

Sheeple!!!

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They want me to install CCTV to see what YOU did in the TOILET

Fatman
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Re: Cameras for monitoring <s>attendance ...</s> PRIVATE employee activity

Just wait until BOFH gets his hands on those cameras!

No, silly, just wait until he (the BOFH) does The Right Thing(tm) and turn in his (now EX-) boss into the cops:

http://www.tampabay.com/news/publicsafety/crime/suspect-faces-123-video-voyeurism-counts-in-tampa-case/2171292

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BOFH: On the PFY's Scottish estate, no one can hear you scream...

Fatman
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What are YOU up to, Mr. BOFH???

"Absolutely. In fact I would insist upon it. You, me, possibly the Boss, a shovel, some lime - it would make a great day out!"

Planning some homicide??

You naughty boy.

Please insure that the Board also attends.

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Microsoft alters Hotmail policy amid blogger inbox probe outcry

Fatman
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Re: Scroogled ! Hotmailed ? Outlooked ? Microsofted ??

Scroogled ! Hotmailed ? Outlooked ? Microsofted SHAFTED ??

FTFY!!!

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Fatman
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Re: Which will cause MS more damage?

And so much for Microsoft's marketing campaign that highlights Google's data collection obsession

Which Google's PR team would be wise to exploit.

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'Catastrophic' server disk-destroying glitch menaced Google cloud

Fatman
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RE: Sometimes you pay a cheap price and you get what you pay for.

If you put data in the cloud without at least two local backup copies on reliable (and physically separate) media, you are an idiot and should be fired with cause taken out back, and shot.

FTFY

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Target IGNORED hacker alarms as crooks took 40m credit cards – claim

Fatman
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Traget, you have one on your back, and you seem to be oblivious to it.

"The supermarket employed a team of security specialists in Bangalore tasked with monitoring its computers around the clock."

First, beaten to the punch.

Second, that what you get for outsourcing....

Third, damagement strikes AGAIN!!!! Didn't these dumb fucks get the message from the RBS fuckup - "Don't outsource critical functions to third parties" But, bonuses all around for ...

It's a Good Thing I don't shop there!!!!

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Backdoor snoops can access files on your Samsung phone via the cell network – claim

Fatman
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RE: We've found a file spying backdoor in Samsung phones – Replicant devs

The pessimist: No way is this only in Samsung phones They just found another NSA backdoor!!!!

FTFY!!!

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UK's CASH POINTS to MISS Windows XP withdrawal date

Fatman
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Re: @ Joe User NCR

who wouldn't know remote management from his asshole/arsehole if you kicked him in rammed the ATM up it.

FTFY!!!

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My work-from-home setup's better than the office. It's GLORIOUS

Fatman
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Re: Great Article.

Can we have an icon that shows Corporate IT manglement being shot by their users the IT department.

FTFY!!!

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How to shop wisely for the IT department of the future

Fatman
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RE: If Nerds ran it,

If Nerds ran it, it would be bloody-well efficient, its non-nerd, know-nothing tw*t managers manglers that cause the inefficiencies.

FTFY!!!!

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CIA snoops snooped on Senate to spy spy torture report – report

Fatman
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Re: Tail wagging the dog. "These people need to be whipped"

You beat me to it!!

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How a Facebook post by blabbermouth daughter cost her parents $80,000

Fatman
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Joke

Re: ...and make it legally enforceable.

At what point did America get taken over by people who think the state can do whatever the hell it likes to whoever the hell it likes, and make it legally enforceable.

In the aftermath of 8/11.

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MtGox to customers: Your call is important to us … NOT!

Fatman
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Mt Gox going bust

Wasn't a surprise to me one bit. I knew it was going to happen

MtGox was noting more than a who gets stuck holding the bag when the shit hit the fan.

Seriously, anyone holding onto Bitcoins was a mark to be plundered. The 'smart ones' converted Bitcoin into real money and bailed, leaving others holding the bag.

Not too much unlike holding $Billions in Reichmarks at the end of WWII; they become worthless, and most likely so will Bitcoins. Add that to the laundry list of financial fleecings developed over the centuries. Perhaps this will get its own moniker, like the Ponzi scam.

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Energy firms' security so POOR, insurers REFUSE to take their cash

Fatman
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RE: Whatever has gone wrong ... commonsense amongst professional engineers?

The have been overruled by brain dead beancounters.

All on their knees kissing the ass of massive stockholder profits.

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Fatman
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FAIL

Re: Surprise!...People need to give themselves a shake and stop using MS products!

OH Please, give it a rest.

I hate Microsoft probably as much as you appear to; but save the criticism for when it is truly deserved.

Unless the SCADA system itself is using Windows as the operating system, or uses Windows to effect day to day control, then you are way off base.

So many of these systems were designed to connect via dedicated circuits, and the brain dead PHB's looked at costs, and ordered IT to find ways to cut those costs. Consequently shit never designed to be connected to the public net finds itself wired. Thank the fucking beancounters for that one.

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Cable thieves hang up on BT, cause MAJOR outage

Fatman
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Stop

RE: Keeping the numbers down.

It's just a shame more of them don't get HV included in the mix as well. Would help keep the numbers down.

My sentiments exactly.

Imagine if the fiber (or is it fibre?) were 'shielded' by a metal wrap that was connected to something like 12kV? That would hurt as the moron cut through the outer jacket.

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Distie giant Tech Data's profits collapse amid beancounter probe

Fatman
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Unhappy

TD 'shuffling' the numbers.

I wonder if those responsible are still at TD, or, have they done their Seagull1 assault on TD, and have since flown the coop?

Because, in my mind, if they are still there, then I suspect it is nothing more than a matter of time before the ambulances and the Medical Examiner are called to investigate a case of mass Seppuku at TD HQ. TD once was a good company, but numbers-driven brain dead members of damagement have 'infected it'. And we get to see the sad results. I feel for those that still work there, your manglers have let you down.

-------

1: More notable since TD is headquartered in Flori-duh, a coastal US state.

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Q: Just why are AT&T, banks snubbing kit from Cisco & co? A: Control

Fatman
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"Commodity Networking Hardware": Another way to fund the executive bonus pool.

First off, I am NO FAN(boi) of AT&T, but this new mechanism to fund increases in the executive bonus pool is sheer genius.

Get your suppliers to fund it!!!!

If anyone out there thinks, even for one minute that AT&T will reduce their pricing to reflect their lowered equipment costs; then I have some swampland in Flori-duh I have for sale!!!!

IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!!!!!

All of this bullshit about cost controls is just crap to feed to the BoD and stockholders.

AT&T execs: "Look at all of the savings we will accumulate, so why shouldn't we participate in the savings?"

It will end up in the pockets of the execs. COUNT on it!!!!

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Microsoft shunts top exec Julie Larson-Green sideways to make way for Stephen Elop

Fatman
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Joke

Larson-Green's """Promotion"""

I see that the Microsoft execs have decided on a """promotion""" to the worthy Julie Larson-Green in recognition of all of the hard work done to improve the Windows (8) experience.

Congrats on a "job well done".

</sarcasm>

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Terrifying photo special: 'Electric Cannon' anal orgasmo-probe in use ... on a BULL

Fatman
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Re: Oh wait, the PHB just walked past my office ...

Dying to test out your new kit??

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Uni of Maryland hacked: 300,000 SSNs of staff, students, alumni swiped

Fatman
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Joke

Re: ... and put some serious effort into security.

Didn't you get the memo???????

Security costs money, which can be better used to pad the executive bonus account, or give to the stockholders. Why should we pay out for security????

</sarcasm>

But, you do know that is the line of thinking of damagement.

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Google picks five teams to share $6 MEEELLION funding in Lunar X Prize

Fatman
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Re: @Destroy All Monsters

Also, she forgot to add, this time it must be administered through the anal cavity; in order that you receive maximum benefit from the increased dosage!!!

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Korean credit card companies hit with 90-day, $100m sales ban

Fatman
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Q: But what punishment would the ICO give to all the public sector organisations found breaching data protection?

A: A summary execution.

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Retiring greybeards force firms to retrain Java, .NET bods as mainframe sysadmins

Fatman
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Re: in a free market there's no such thing as a skills shortage

This portion of your last paragraph needs some editing, which I offer below:

However, when the CIOs and their direct reports keep their heads in the sand up their asses, spend all their time focused on the immediate bettering the next quarter's numbers and not the strategic, this is the inevitable consequence. That's just the cost of being out of touch with market trends.

FTFY!!!

Hey El Reg, where's the NO SHIT, SHERLOCK icon???

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Some first-wave big data projects 'written down' says Deloitte

Fatman
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Coat

Re: Standard consultant PR

Sorry to be a bit picky; but it would help if you were to show where you fixed the original, using strike through and bold to highlight the changes. I wish this rag would allow underline as it (underline) and strike through are generally accepted methods of indicating changes.

What they don't reveal, for equally obvious reasons, is the percentage of those projects that fail, despite because of the assistance of consultants and system integrators.

See, now much better.

PS, probably the icon most would like to apply here-------------------------------------->

</pendant>

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Nasty holes found in Belkin's home automation kit

Fatman
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Joke

Re: I can see the future...

"...McToffee, the leading supplier of antivirus software for outlets, switches and lightbulbs!"

I can picture it now, you come home one evening to turn on the light, only to have it still remain off. The control panel is flashing: "software update in progress, please wait". The dammed bulb needs an AV signature update.

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Tech Data execs: Nooooo... It's the INCREDIBLE SHRINKING payslip

Fatman
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Re: $4.31M to $4.2M

I guess someone will have to skip buying lattes at Starbucks for a few months.

</snark>

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Oracle scores mixed bag in Rimini Street software IP 'theft' ruling

Fatman
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Re: That's a shame

Well, someone's gotta pay for Larry's yachts island...

FTFY

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HP 'KNEW' about Autonomy's hardware sales BEFORE the whistle blew: report

Fatman
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Joke

Re: Oracle press releases

I took a look at the first one listed on the linked page (the one dated September 28, 2011), and could not help but note the date of Mr. Lynch's visit to Oracle:

April 1, 2011, quoting from that press release:

... ‘Some bank’ did not just happen to come to Oracle with Autonomy ‘on a list.’ The truth is that Mr. Lynch came to Oracle, along with his investment banker, Frank Quattrone, and met with Oracle’s head of M&A, Douglas Kehring and Oracle President Mark Hurd at 11 am on April 1, 2011. After listening to Mr. Lynch’s PowerPoint slide sales pitch to sell Autonomy to Oracle, Mr. Kehring and Mr. Hurd told Mr. Lynch that with a current market value of $6 billion, Autonomy was already extremely over-priced. The Lynch shopping visit to Oracle is easy to verify. We still have his PowerPoint slides.”

Wouldn't it be fair to say that Hurd & Co recognized Autonomy as an "April Fool's Day Joke"??????

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Tata says USA rejecting HALF of Indians' work visa requests

Fatman
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Re: At least lessons were learnt and not been repeated (yet).

Yet, some dumb ass member of damagement probably touted thecost savings on his CV.

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Tired of arguing with suits? Get ready to argue with engineers!

Fatman
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WTF?

Re: This development could lead to a whole new series of BOFH plots.

Do you mean like using the industrial lazer to incentivise the PHB into giving IT more cash???

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Fatman
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Re: Let me get this straight

Problems arise when someone thinks it would be really cool to be able to run their factory from their smartphone, or when they don't want to spend a single extra buck on making the design secure, or when they feel that having to enter passwords is an unacceptable drag on productivity.

In one simple word: MANGLEMENT!!!!!!

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Anons escape human sewer after billionaire bog roll blag

Fatman
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Re: Unless it's to make political statement:

Perhaps the miscreants are simply expressing their opinion of the Koch brothers by the selection of the 'target' - a Koch company that makes toilet paper ass wipes, by equating them (the Koches) with the residue their product removes.

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Random car shutdowns force Toyota to recall Prius hybrids - AGAIN

Fatman
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Joke

Re: "Patch Tuesdays" for cars?

ONLY if the car maker used Windows For Automobiles.

I can just picture it now, driving along at 70MPH, and all of a sudden the dashboard screen turns blue, and the car comes to a screeching halt!!!!!

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Fatman
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Happy

Re: can you jailbreak your Prius and install a Ferrari instead?

Don't you WISH!!!!!

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Netflix speed index shows further decline in Verizon quality

Fatman
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Re: Shocked I am

I feel confident that Verizon are doing their utmost to maximise ruin sharehol customer satisfaction.

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Fatman
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Re: Eventually they will get FIOS ...

Eventually they will get FIOS out but until then they are only patching the old system.

Expanding FiOS, I don't think so, and here is a source for that statement:

http://news.cnet.com/8301-30686_3-20001377-266.html

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Apple investor Icahn backs down on share buyback plan

Fatman
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Joke

RE: I'm pretty sure it should be a u

You beat me to it!!!

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BOFH: Attractive person is attractive. Um, why are your eyes bulging?

Fatman
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Coat

Re: Best way to awaken the CRAZY

Husband: "Oh, is this Shark Week You're on the rag, again?"

FTFY!!!

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Tim Cook dangles 'new product categories' carrot over $14bn Apple share buyback

Fatman
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Re: I don't understand any of this

If Apple buys back shares from the shareholders, does the board exercise the voting rights of those shares or do the remaining shareholders get proportional rights over the votes of the Apple-held shares?

In a nutshell, when a company buys back its shares, they are added to the pool of authorized, but unissued stock shares[1]. While in this pool, NO ONE has the voting rights for that stock. They can be subsequently sold in the future by the company if more 'investment' is required.

------------

[1] Example: Fuster Cluck Co, has authorized the issuance of 1 million shares of common stock, but has sold only 800,000 shares. That means that there is still 200,000 shares available to sell if the company needs more capital if it ever becomes necessary. Until those shares are actually sold, they have no voting rights.

Now, contrast that with this example, Fuster Cluck Co, has sold all one million shares, and still needs capital. It might persuade the current stockholders to authorize the issuance of more shares, at the prospect of diluting the ownership percentage one share represents. With 1 million shares authorized, each share represents 1/1,000,000th of the company. If the stockholders authorize another million, then one share represents 1/2,000,000th of the company. Also, stock in the authorized, but unissued pool do not receive dividends, those dividends are paid only to those who own qualifying shares. One last thing, not all shares in some companies are created equal. There are various classes of stock with differing rights (such as 'Common' vs 'Preferred').

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Mozilla takes a page from Google with sync-friendly Firefox Accounts

Fatman
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Joke

Re: Australis as default?

The simplified interfaces are designed for mobile devices Joe and Jane Sixpack with tiny screens brains.

FTFY!!!

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Snowden documents show British digital spies use viruses and 'honey traps'

Fatman
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Re: Posting negative information about a firm on online firms or actively ...

Who are the NSA and GCHQ doing it for when they do it?

A: Their corporate masters in the (to use Eisenhower's term) 'military-industrial complex'.

The same ones that have 'bought and paid for' gubmint lakkeys doing their bidding.

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California takes a shot at mobile 'killswitch' mandate

Fatman
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Stop

Re: "Mobile 'killswitch' mandate"

You last sentence needs some editing, as shown below:

In this case as in many others, the government acts with the best of intentions, not a plan to harass and suppress the citizens.

There, much better and more accurate (IMHO)

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Fatman
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FAIL

meet the Law of Unintended Consequences...

Leno and Gascón, meet the Law of Unintended Consequences...

Which would be some enterprising hacker getting their mobe number, and bricking that damn thing.

I wonder how long they would wait to repeal it for 'law enforcement and bureaucrats/government officials.

Stupid assholes!!! They can't see the risks for the general populace if hackers were ever able to mass brick people's modes. Additionally, what recourse would one have if the mode was bricked by accident because a clumsy LEO got the number wrong.

"Sorry 'bout that, I was only doing my job!!!"

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Duracell powers into cloud storage market

Fatman
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WTF?

Re: How much for 2TB?

That might enough for your typical gung-ho lying out the ass marketroid type to make such a claim.

FTFY!!!

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Tech Data: UK accounting errors cost us $27m

Fatman
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TD's financial "performance"?

Compensation programmes are to be changed to "better motivate accurate financial reporting and compliance", and tools to document, support and review manual journal entires, and centralise control and finance processes will be introduced.

In English:

"If you fucking lie again, we will take you for a ride in the corporate jet, and then kick your ass out the door with a LEAD parachute; with the harness attached to your neck!!!

Assholes!!!"

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