Posts by Simon Millard
45 posts • joined Wednesday 11th April 2007 10:52 GMT
Posted in Blake's Seven Returns
Re-defining the everyday object
I am a bit of a blakes 7 fan and have all of the episodes.
I just love the way they give fancy names: A graphite writing stick? A pencil
In once episode, they tried to make a drill futuristic by putting some chevron tape on the chuck so when it rotated, it made a pretty pattern.
Bless
Posted in Jokes of no more than 2 lines
Festive
Doctor, Doctor, I've got a mince pie stuck in my bum.
No worry's, I've got some cream for that.
Posted in FAIL - the most incompetent IT pros
Cream Cake Anyone
Back in the days of old, I did some works experience in a City Councils computer ops suite. It was my first experience of an air conditioned envrionment.
A week into this placement, one of the secretaries was arranging a farewell party and though as it was nice and cool.
Does anyone remember removable disk pack? This lady decided to plonk a gateux on top of one of these units without realising exactly why there is air conditioning. The gateux decided to "dissolve" all over the drive unit. What a mess.
Posted in Space: 1999 returning to TV?
Id's
I could never work out why they needed photo id's - especially Maya!
Andrew Lloyd-Webber has written a musical about Frankie Coke-Coza. It's called Superstar - Jesus Christ!
It's has to be..
Fobidden Planet - and don't call me Shirley!
noo....
She's got a moustache........
Cows Milk Screening
Cow's milk is tested as part of the milking process. If there are signs of infection or blood in the milk, then it is automatically dumped.
Brigadier Quotes
Mordred: My Mother will destroy you!
Brigadier: Just between you and me, Mordred, I'm getting a little tired of hearing about your mother
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart: Not this time, Doctor. Armour-Piercing, solid core with a Teflon coating; go through a Dalek.
The Doctor: A non-stick bullet.
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart: UNIT's been very busy, Doctor. We've also got high-explosive rounds for Yeti's and very efficient armour-piercing rounds for robots. And we've even got gold-tipped bullets for you-know-what.
The Doctor: No silver?
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart: Silver bullets?
The Doctor: Well, you never know...
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart: Sergeant, Have we any Silver Bullets?
Ah yes, I remember it well
I loved COBOL coding. Could never remember how to spell Enviroment - sorry environment division the first time round and could work out why it would compile.
Posted in DEC founder Ken Olsen is dead
Tape Towers
Anyone remember upgrading MicroVax's with a tower of TK50 tapes?
Apple doing a Microsoft
Isn't Apple doing the same as microsoft did with Internet Explorer?
Let me get this straight..
You need to have a TV licence to watch live tv. But...people are moving to watching catchup TV which doesn't need a licence. The powers that be have realised that their income stream is drying out. Now they are thinking of licencing any form of streaming video?
Posted in NHS spunks £7.5k on porn room
euwww
I suppose after a few punters have been through the cubicles, it would be hard to open the mags.
It's making my cry..
.. with tears of laughter!!
Posted in Gov hits brakes on vetting scheme
Only useful...
...if a person has been caught.
If you don't get caught, you won't be reported on.
Thank You
This story brightened up my day.
It's a
Cheaper way of getting into orbit!
Posted in Serial slurry fetish man jailed again
Prints
Living in the locality to the farm, it was quite funny to hear, but not for the land owner, that a water trough was filled with manure. The farmer found both buttock and hand prints as well as numerous discarded tissues.
Retail vs Business
Being an ex-Barclays IT Guy, I was told, on numerous occasion, that Bracleys aren't that interested in the retail side of banking. Private, Business and International were the money makers.
Posted in Doctor Who fans name best episode ever
E-Space Trilogy
Just bought and watched the E-Space Trilogy. Full Circle was interesting, the deciders reminded me of some of the managers I work with. State of Decay was a bit lame. I first heard this on Audio Tape and was much scarier. Warriors Gate had an awful lot of bad acting and maniacal laughing in it.
People also need to remember that at the time time of broadcast, the TV SFx were cutting egde. Dr Who was the first TV serial to use CSO and boy, was some of it crap - Underworld in particular.
I'm glad that Talons is in the top 10 as it is my favourite, but the Key to Time Saga was an excellent season.
People also have to remember that Dr. Who has been going on for 46 years, not 4.
Not worth The Paper their Printed On
There are a couple of problems with CRB's and Vetting lists.
1. Like MOT's they only give a statement of the data for the day the search/recording is carried out.
2. If you've been naughty, but haven't been caught, nothing will show.
I'm a scout leader and have to renew my E-CRB every 5 years.
Posted in Barclays to lay off more tech staff
Bunch of Clowns
I used to work for "Barclays Technical Services" and I had two managers! One to manage my workload and the other for *cough* pastoral care - wtf!
Posted in Darth Vader tops movie misquote poll
Steenken Badges
I thought this was from Blazing Saddles?
It's obvious
The English were sailing on the left. The French were sailing on the right. They were bound to hit each other.
Posted in BOFH: The paperless cafeteria
ooh
Should have replaced the loo rolls with sandpaper so the bean counters can take the rough with the smooth!
Refilling
And when it runs out of concrete, it'll be cheaper to buy a new printer
Captain Pugwash
It's Roger the Cabin Boy - ooh!
Posted in BBC to 'reimagine' The Thirty-nine Steps
Donuts?
Don't forget the version with Robert Donat. And I'm sure there was a fourth.
Posted in NHS IT four years late and over budget
Choose & Book....
only works on Internet Explorer v6
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Perhaps this will be the infamous B Ark.
Hacking the User Port
In 1984, whilst attending Portsmouth ITeC, I built an interface to connect a BBC to a Commodore PET - how sad is that.
It worked though and allowed me to print from the BBC to the printer attached to the PET via the IEEE-488 bus. Crikey, how the memories flood back.
Posted in Clarkson's 'steal my ID' stunt backfires
Pillock!
A sort code and account number is not enough. Add the name and address and Robert's your mothers brother!
Why bother?
If she wanted to play Microsoft format media files then why didn't she buy a better "mp3" player? Not one that would only work with one type of media file.
Posted in BOFH: Spreading the festive cheer
Recycle for Christmas
Love the chocolate topping. We have a christmas card that is stuck on our wall. We just cross out Christmas in Happy Christmas and substitute our own holiday season. A perpetual celebration card for want of a better term!
Posted in Remembering the Commodore PET 2001
Those were the days
I learnt to program in Basic and Comal on one of these beauties when I did my YTS at Portsmouth ITeC.
It had a IEEE488 bus with 5¼" disk drive.
I wrote a snazzy, text graphical, fruit machine simulator with it
Tho' if you hit return at the READY. form, it did throw a "Can't read Y." error message.
Class!
Posted in BOFH: Computer room deluge
I've had the waders out
In the computer room at a certain Portsmouth Hospital, the engineers had contrived to put the overflow pipe from the air handling units at an angle - upwards.
I may be known a miracle worker, but even I can't get water to flow up-hill.
Posted in Boy Scouts to model for UK ID checks
Scouts and change of appointment
Most of the recent cases of abuse are by those people who have got valid CRB's but have not been caught.
If I change my role, current a Beaver Scout Leader to, for example, a Cub Scout Leader, then, not only will I need to apply for a new warrant, I would also need to be re-CRB'd.
