* Posts by Ishkandar

603 publicly visible posts • joined 11 Apr 2007

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London battles fire-breathing black cabs

Ishkandar
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@Thad

You're just jealous that you don't have any national symbols in your part of the bog !! London's black cabs are renowned worldwide and London's cabbies have a built-in sat-nav in their brains - see scientific(??) proof in BBC website. Other world renown cities have paid big RMBs for the right to use those cabs in those cities !!

Still, I can't blame you hicks for being jealous but could you, please, take that bit of straw out of your mouth before you go "oo-arrrr" !!

EU slaughterhouses may get animal welfare officers

Ishkandar

@Luthor Blissett

"Gassing. I hope every rational commentard will write to their MPs in support of this method." That what all those SS camp commandants said about their practices !! I hope you are proud of your suggestion !!

Ishkandar

Hooray !!

At last !! The Financial Industry is getting what it needed all this time !! I'll help you sharpen the knives, boys !!

500,000 oppose Red Arrows Olympic ban

Ishkandar

@What are the chances ...

Wazziristanis don't buy planes. They buy Silkworm SAMs instead !! The better to shoot em down !!

Anyway, why bother with the Red Arrows. Just get a bunch of kiddies to bring along their R/C model airplanes, bribing them with alchopop if need be !! Cheaper in the long run !!

What is Oracle's 'major database innovation'?

Ishkandar

@Hoping?

If you are still using the Universal Installer then you deserve everything you get !! Just go back to the bare bones and manually install everything, using reasonable and practical parameters for your needs instead of the defaults !!

God save me from kiddies with a black box mentality !! And don't anyone mention F***ING wizards !!

'Idiot' pulls cables, downs ISPs at Telecity

Ishkandar

It's such a pity...

...that the ijeet did *not* plug the live wire into where the sun don't shine !! That would have proved Darwin's case for the improvement of the gene-pool and the survival of the species !!

Ivan O'Toole? That's nothing, snorts Hugh Jass

Ishkandar

and then there was....

...a Welsh(?) chappie called Hugh Rinal !! And an Irish chappie who was christened Patrick but always nicknamed "Break" because his surname is O'Day !!

And an English teacher called Mr. Steaker who absolutely refused to apply his initial because his name was Peter !!

But the best was a colleague whose real name was Simon Horatio Ignatius Trelawney !! No shit !! He waged a 10 year feud with his parents from the age of 8 until he could legally change his name by deed poll !!

Lehmans techies start job hunt

Ishkandar
Happy

@Informal Order of Executiuon

Do that and the next knock on your door will be from the friendly local constabulary for a minor little thing called theft !! At the very least, you'll not have to worry about food, heating, clothing and rent for a fair while !!

HP's EDS acquisition to kill 24,600 jobs

Ishkandar
Pirate

@Chris W

Considering the messes they made of various public funded IT projects, do you think that's unfair ?? Or are you one of those so habituated to feeding off the public trough that you cannot get a decent job without it ??

Scientists study near-death sensations

Ishkandar
Happy

Why bother !!

One look at GW Dubya Bush and you'll learn all you need to know about near death experiences !!

Yes, there was a viable liquid bomb plot

Ishkandar

If I remember rightly....

...the first "practical" liquid explosive was nitroglycerine (glycerine trinitrate) !! It was highly unstable, though, and it took a smart Swede called Nobel to soak diatomous earth with that stuff to stablise it !!

As for detonators, Sony seem to make excellent ones !! Just look for Sony branded laptop batteries !!

Eye-o-Sauron™ poked out by Great Wall of America

Ishkandar

Eye-o-Sauron

By human I presume they mean *adult* human. This will be perfect for Mexican kiddies with catapults to be paid on a per-eye basis to put them out of commission !!

Freelancers might be taxed as employees after High Court ruling

Ishkandar

@Overseas employer

Not being a tax expert, I can't say with absolute certainty that what I think is right. However, I think that in your case, the first and most important fact is that you work on deliverables (i.e. discrete units of work) and not in an on-going task/function. This makes all the difference between being a contractor/supplier and being an "employee" as the person in this article is judged to be !!

Ishkandar

@And all the other nearly-freelancers, like footballers?

That's why they move clubs every two years or so !! Obvious when you think about it !!

Blazing Vaios: Sony's hot-tops hit the UK, too

Ishkandar

Please be more understanding, guys

Sony is trying its best *NOT* to alert the nasty terrorists that their laptops work wonders as trigger-units for their bombs !! Especially since their last exploding battery episode.

Maybe they should instigate an internal witch-hunt amongst its R&D staff to see if they have been infiltrated by those terrorists !! They might find one or more olive-complected persons who speak with American accents and grill them; preferably by tying them to a chair and leaving one of their laptops on their lap running over a long period. Threatening their crown jewels might loosen their tongues !!

Columbia set to resurrect Ghostbusters

Ishkandar

Re: Overrated Originality?

Now that you mentioned it, didn't the Tate have a pile of *REAL* shit as an original piece of art !! (note 1)

Note 1 - The words - shit and art - in this sentence are NOT, repeat NOT, transposed !!

@Gis Bun - You mean the one where Judah Ben Hur becomes a Christian, wanders off to Rome and gets fed to the lions, thereby giving them history's first ever record of the legionnaire's disease !!

My name really is Ivan O'Toole, admits Ivan O'Toole

Ishkandar

I knew a guy...

... of very diminutive stature christened Richard. All who knew him made heroic efforts NOT to call him "little/tiny dick".

And then there was this guy in Hong Kong who thought that Ivan was a real cool christian name. Unfortunately his surname was Ho !!

However, a real cool pseudonym, most often used in various shows and conventions to fox the aggressive salespersons, is Ivor Ardon !!

North Korean Mata Hari in alleged cyber-spy plot

Ishkandar

South Korean military installations

Just look in Google or M$ maps. They are all there !! As for South Korean officers getting malware, perhaps they should stop accessing porn-sites hosted in the North !!

Ten tweaks for a new Acer Aspire One

Ishkandar

And then there's the old farts.....

...who prefer to use vi or even, so help me God, ed on the command line !!

@Neal McQ - The whole point, and the fun, of Linux is to RTFM and then have a go at it yourself !! However, as this gentleman said earlier, always have a recovery disk or USB drive handy and BACKUP, BACKUP, BACKUP !!

I was a government guinea pig, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Ishkandar

WOW !!

"People will look back on this and say, 'My kid was in the National Children's Study,' and that will be a point of pride for that family,'" said Dr Donald Dudley,

Then they add,"See, he can prove it because he now has two heads instead of one !"

Women turn on to a throbbing Maserati

Ishkandar

Comments on comments

@TeeCee - "Mazzas are macho" ??? Try a Norinco Type 551 AFV !! It comes with twin 25 mm machine-cannons as standard. AND it also swims at 13 kph. Gas turbine engine is standard !! And the 6 (yes, six) extra large, extra wide wheels are just perfect for rolling over the parking warden's feet !!

@AC - if you think women like large engines then shurly a gas turbine engine will win hands down (see above). And what woman can resist popping her head out of the commander's hatch in the turret and shout at the local traffic to F*** off out of the way while threatening them with the twin cannons (vehicle's, not hers) !! And "bombing down the road" takes on a whole new meaning !!

Aussie Customs in presentational-aid crackdown

Ishkandar

The true reason...

All this hoo-har is to distract a Aussie public from the fact that Aussieland is drying up and that there isn't enough water to irrigate their crops, let alone produce masses of tinnies. So they have to find something to make them look the other way !!

Something about Aussies and sheep...

Welder in DIY penis enhancement nut mishap

Ishkandar

What wimps !!

In my day, the "cure to that Bout of Tumescence" is a sharp whack with a long hard stick. The shock will bring tears to his eyes and an immediate cessation of tumescence !! Works with dogs and other animals too !!

'Googlebomb' blows up in Daily Mail hack's face

Ishkandar

@Tom Doggett

That's nothing !! A few years ago, some company in Hong Kong advertised for junior Java programmers with 10 years experience around 6 years after Java was available to the public !!

"The evil that men do lives on after them..."

- Billy Shakespeare

Kindle fails to set light to unsold e-book pile

Ishkandar

An unreconstructed biblophile

I buy around 200+ books per year for the last 40+ years and I have NEVER EVER been tempted to buy a single e-book. I have been given a few (no names or methods mentioned) and if I like them, I went and bought the paper version for further enjoyment !!

E-books are like virtual sex !! When all is said and done, it's still not the real thing !! And it's a sad geek who thinks otherwise.

IT pay jumps as skills gap widens

Ishkandar

Assorted comments

Sir Runcible Spoon seemed to have hit the nail on the head. I know many kiddies who don't seem to realise that an OS is just a layer that translates what the ordinary joe wants to do into what the machine will understand. They all seemed to think it's some kind of black box and that all manner of horrible evils and devils will spring out if they even try to "peek beneath the hood" !!

Even the wonderful Mac GUI is nothing more that prettified unix-like commands !! Forget about the 7-layer OSI model !!

Re. the article - the Bible says,"As ye sow, so shalt ye reap !" If the industry is not prepared to finance and grow the first level kiddies to a competent level of knowledge, soon there will not be anymore second or subsequent level staff to hire in Britain. (reminder to self - start setting up a recruitment agency in the Philippines !! Nice weather, nice girls and lots of mid-level staff crying out for better pay !! )

Wind turbines put bats under (low) pressure

Ishkandar

exhale...

The problem with exhaling is that, while it reduces the lung pressure and collapses the lungs, it cannot reduce any gases in the tummy. To do that the bat will also have to indulge in a little jet propulsion which may throw the poor thing off its timing !!

Philippine troops battle rampaging MILFs

Ishkandar

@Hate2Register

Dear Hate2Register,

Just because there are (MILF)s, it does not preclude the fact that there are other (WILF)s !! On the other hand, there are some that one wouldn't approach even with a 50-meter barge pole. One has to keep one's standards up, you know !!

One is also presuming that you are heterosexual and, therefore, have unintentionally omitted any mention of the male persuasion when defining "non-mothers" !!

Otherwise, one's mind truly boggles and one's gob is truly smacked !!

Yours most insincerely,

A Pedantic Old Fart

Malicious gossip could cost you your job

Ishkandar

@"......and they will be held accountable." I hope.

Add to your list

NuLabour HQ - they are the ones who expounds all this shit that pander to the lurid imaginations of the unwashed masses.

Is it any wonder that an "A" grade in A levels isn't worth the paper it is written on and they now need an "A*" grade to cope ?? Especially seen in light of all those good teachers that have left or are hounded out of the profession !!

COBOL thwarts California's Governator

Ishkandar

Comments on comments

@RW - "but who uses Ada" - Babbage did, didn't he ?

I know an office (which shall remain nameless to protect the guilty) which has loads of Core Duo PCs running XP connected to an IBM "mainframe" AS400 running RPG2 programmes outputting ASCII in 80x24 format !! The programmer who wrote the programmes buggered off after a tiff with the managing director; leaving behind *NO* notes, *NO* comments and *NO* indication of how the damn things work. And everyone dares not "fix" anything in case it broke everything else !!

Legacy !! Tell me about it !!

Massive expansion planned for 'no-work' database

Ishkandar

@Christopher Cramp

Somehow, I don't think this will work since many of the incompetents are in the management !! If you don't believe me, find out why the NHS new IT system never worked !!

EDS hits TfL with restraining order

Ishkandar

EDS and "value for money"...

...are mutually exclusive and should never be put within the same context except as a bad example !!

Orange to bundle free Eee with HSDPA modem, airtime

Ishkandar

and desperation sets in...

...so they try it on the Great British Unwashed Masses !! Trust Orange to extract the Michael with their "Great deals" !!

Swedish men left frustrated by state sex aid policy

Ishkandar
Boffin

@wtf is wrong with Swedish men

Well, the *REAL* men have all buggered off a-Viking and what's left are the wimps and mama's boys !! Hence their need for plastic substitutes !!

Lenovo heralds netbook PC duo

Ishkandar

@Alex - high altitudes ??

How high ?? I think Lenovo can test them up their side of the Himalayas as a publicity stunt !! High enough ??

Now if they (S9 and S10) have Skype capability, they could threaten the fancy-phone brigade !!

Profs: Teacher-student relationships key to sex education

Ishkandar

Don't know about the Septics....

>>This is where the more hands-on approach always sees a better outcome.

....but over here, the teacher that lays hands on a pupil will get put away for a long stretch and will be entered in the Sex-offenders' Register !!

Perhaps Paul Gadd aka Gary Glitter will become a teacher in Ohio after he leaves prison in Vietnam for doing underage girls !!

Drizzle plans to wash away DBMS past

Ishkandar
Go

Sounds like a typical sour-grapes NIH statement !!

"...went on to compare it to Sony as a "non-innovator"." Oh, WOW !! He seems to *NOT* have heard of the Walkman, Discman and a whole host of Sony "non-inventions" !!

Reading between the lines, what this guy is saying is "I'm not a good enough techie to challenge the techies of the big companies, so I'll win by declaring their good features as useless" !! Meanwhile, I'm taking *MY* ball home so you can play by yourselves !! He's not the first I know of with this attitude !!

I shall pay absolutely strict attention to any spectacular success of this new product !! Til then, please don't wake me for anything less !!

Barclays and HBOS slash contractor rates

Ishkandar

@Barclays buying over the odds too

The Chinese don't use walls. They make the bastard kneel in front of a crowd (usually the friends and families of the victims) and shoot him/her in the head with a single pistol shot !! *THEN* they charge the family of the perp for the cost of the bullet before they can take that carcass away !!

Vista 'perfection' dream over for iPhone?

Ishkandar

@@Love 'em or hate 'em, your still obsessed

Yeah ? but I bet the said mini will look pretty stupid when put against the Monster - a Rolls Royce with a Spitfire's Rolls Merlin engine !!

Please compare apples with apples; not apples with oranges !!

US Air Force may allow killbots to be flown by non-pilots

Ishkandar

@Martin Usher

Actually the reverse is also true. The machineguns that the Germans massed hub-to-hub in the Western Front were subject to the patent rights of Sir Hiram Maxim.

Microsoft readies XP for One Laptop Per Child computer

Ishkandar

If you can't browbeat the business world with Vista....

...then threaten the kiddies of the third world with security failures unless they pony up with the money for upgrades !!

Orangutans concoct plant-based soothing balm

Ishkandar

It just proves that....

...they are smarter than your average dole-scrounger !!

Microsoft slams 'sensationalist' Vista analysis

Ishkandar

Vista's problem

M$ forgot the first rule of computing - if it ain't broke, don't fix it !!

No amount of spin will cover up their fuckup in that direction !! 'nouf said !!

Chinese takeaway biodiesel man in garage explosion horror

Ishkandar

@Torben Mogensen

"To encourage this actually happening, pay a small amount for the waste oil." - Strange that mention this. There is a guy here in Blighty that actually does exactly that and si making a nice little profit from it; at the same time as reducing his own fuel costs !!

Ishkandar

@Charles Tsang

It's a *Chinese takeaway*, not a chippie !! The smell will probably be of chow mein or deep-fried prawn crackers !!

If it was from the local Indian takeaway, would the curry fumes constitute Hazmat pollution ??

MoD in £1.75m rush order for SAS backpack radars

Ishkandar

Assorted comments

@Mute button - No mate. The "real" boys just use a Swiss army knife to cut the link to the speaker. Only wimps ned the noises to tell them what is what.

@Chris Roughneen - Have you tried to hit anything at 3 Km ?? Just the windage will make sure you miss *everytime* !!

@AC - 15 Kg means no food - Maybe for wimps like you. Real men carry standard 30 Kg packs in addition to their rifle, ammo and other bits and bobs like two 1.5L water bottles when operating in rather dry climes !! This is no different from machinegunners and their gunner's mate who have to carry a heavy machinegun, tripod and lots of ammo and still find room for the food and other necessities !! Otherwise, operating for 30 days at the front on one pair of nickers will get you classified as a WMD (Weapon of Mass Disgust) !!

Soccer star scores uni degree with Wii

Ishkandar

Why bother...

...when there are far more pleasant ways of expending energy i.e. a long session of in-bed (or anywhere else) exercises. It also has the advantage of benefiting both partners !!

Wall Street frowns on ginormous Google profits

Ishkandar

The guessmen cometh !!

If these guessmen were so good, how come they are not getting rich from guessing the next number to hit the biggest lottery jackpot ?? At the end of the day, they are no more than snake-oil salesmen in fancy suits !!

As a former long-time bean-counter, I'd say that Google is doing fine, thank you. I may even buy a few more shares in them. I'd leave the guessmen to guess where the next sub-prime con-job will occur !!

Consider yourself Moderatrixed

Ishkandar

@Liam in Lincoln

You poor inferior being !! Perhaps a bit more application of skull-sweat and a better education might release you from such lowly servitude. You will be pleasantly surprised by the benefits enjoyed by those on a higher plane of IT when they humbly invited to sort out problems in those horrendous mega-projects that proliferate around the world !!

Travel, they say, broadens the mind. Long hours in a plane are also known to broaden the posterior !!

Boeing to build combo airship-copter flying cranes

Ishkandar

sudden change in bouyancy

if there is a sudden (and presumably violent) change in buoyancy, then *gas* isn't going to be the only thing that the pilot will vent, believe me !!

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