How this will go
"999 Emergency, which service please?"
"This is the fire service, your call may be recorded to help improve our service to you. Please listen to the following options: Press 1 if you are a member of out Conflagration Super-Savers Club, Press 2 if you wish to friend us on Facebook, Press 3 to hear our latest offers, Press 4 for billing information, Press 5 if you or a family member are currently burning to death"
"So you are burning to death. Press 1 if you can pay by credit card, Press 2 to speak to a colleague"
"Hello, I will be your advisor today. What is your problem?"
"Oh dear god help us! The house is on fire and the babies are stuck on the top floor. HELP US!"
"Please do not shout at me, or I will cancel this call and report you to the police for verbal abuse. What is your problem?"
"Our house is on fire."
"OK, you house is on fire. Have you tried turning the house on and off?"
"No...I can't turn the fire off. If I could, I wouldn't need to call. My babies are burning!"
"I've warned you before, do not shout at me. We are following a specially design script that has been proven to increase our sales. Now, what version of fire do you have?"
"That question makes no sense. Just send a fire engine already."
"Ok, you cannot turn the fire off and do not know what version. How do you intend to pay for the call out?"
"Yes, we don't have your phone number as a registered account. How you wish to pay for the home visit from our engineers?"
"What? Look, this is an emergency. People are dying."
"I appreciate that this is a stressful time for you, but our engineers are highly trained and will resolve your issue as quickly as they can. Can you pay by credit card."
"Ok, debit, 123456789, expires 01/2014"
"Thank you, I have entered your support request into the system. An engineer will be with you within 48 hours. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"