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* Posts by Dick Pountain

182 posts • joined 20 Mar 2008

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KRAKKOOOM! Space Station supply mission in PODULE PRANG EXPLOSION CHAOS

Dick Pountain

This "xxxx anomaly" trope is now likely to enter the language I'm afraid: the Krakatoa Vulcanism Anomaly, the Hiroshima U235 Anomaly and the Sept 11th Trade Center Anomaly.

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Oh God the RUBBER on my SHAFT has gone wrong and is STICKING to things

Dick Pountain

Re: Saw similar problem on a pair of compact binoculars

Trichlorethylene worked a treat when my Wacom Bamboo stylus went the sticky way. It smells delightful, gives you cancer and destroys the ozone layer. I bought mine in Italy where it's still permitted...

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Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!

Dick Pountain

More like cat v sabretooth tiger I fear

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Female! ex-Yahoo! coder! says! female! boss! fired! her! for! refusing! sex!

Dick Pountain

Re: Digital Sex

That's it then, no more boring analog sex for me!

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Thought PCs were in the toilet? They're STILL eating Apple's lunch

Dick Pountain

No mystery here, £500 is the new sweet spot, and both HP and Lenovo offer nice kit at that point.

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Call girl injected Google exec with heroin, drank wine, left him to die – cops claim

Dick Pountain

Sex 'n Drugs 'n

It's official folks, search is the new rock 'n roll

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It's finally happened: Bloke builds BOFH-style goofing-off cattle prod

Dick Pountain

Dope Amine

Billa Bong is on the right track here - rewards are far more effective than punishments. This chap needs instead to base his device on those electric probes they use to harvest bull semen for artificial insemination. Worn conveniently out-of-sight up the jacksy, it would cause you to ejaculate every time you scored a point in the office power struggle.

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Windows 8.1, which you probably haven't upgraded to yet, ALREADY OBSOLETE

Dick Pountain

Re: Who at Microsoft is making up the names... and why do they still have a job?

No Country for Old Windows XP Users

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Commonwealth Bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL

Dick Pountain

Foot, meet bullet

A bit like Starbucks announcing that it has added cyanide antidote to all its coffee...

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Selfies are OVER: Welcome to the age of 'Sleeveface'

Dick Pountain

Mmmmgh..

I like it I want try it. Oh, morning nurse <gulp> thanks

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BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

Dick Pountain

Injunction

Actually we Arapahoe do have a word for pliers, but we call them "pincers"

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HTML is a sexually transmitted disease, say many Americans

Dick Pountain

No sex

HTML is certainly a disease, but from what I've seen of web developers I seriously doubt that it's transmitted by real-world sexual contact,

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Pine trees' scent 'could prevent climate change really being a problem'

Dick Pountain

Clutching

This is a new one, clutching at pine needles. It used to be straws.

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Steve Jobs statue: Ones and ohs and OH NOES – it's POINTING at us

Dick Pountain

Mental Health

I think it's sweet that Apple should be supporting "outsider art". I do too, I have a teacup with "Lobsters" written on it and with a tiny severed human head inside, made by a highly creative inmate of our local loony bin. Of course the Jobs statue doesn't quite reach that standard....

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Bitcoin value plunges as Mt.Gox halts withdrawals and Russia says 'nyet'

Dick Pountain

Re: I wonder if it was deliberate?

Of course it could be that these trading firms don't have enough real money to redeem all the Bitcoins that have been "mined". Nah, that couldn't be it, because that would make Bitcoin a Ponzi scheme...

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Judge: Google owes patent troll a 1.36% cut of AdWords' BEELLIONS

Dick Pountain

Couldn't agree more. Patents have no place in science, including software. Trolls are the vilest and most naked kind of parasitic rentier.

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Stephen Fry rewrites computer history again: This time it's serious

Dick Pountain

Like almost every other media person Steven Fry has bought into the Jobsian religion, which tells him that he is a "creative" and hence superior to ordinary PC-using schmucks

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MANIC MINERS: Ten Bitcoin generating machines

Dick Pountain

Milk It!

If you ever get bored with bitcoin mining, I've invented a unicorn milking machine and am looking for kickstart finance...

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Sinclair’s 1984 big shot at business: The QL is 30 years old

Dick Pountain

Scrabble

My favourite memory of the QL was that when our review machine arrived some of the key caps had fallen off in the box, making it a bit like a game of Scrabble.

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Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

Dick Pountain

Land of the free and home of the mental

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Calling all Spare Rib veterans: Sisters, don't lose your rights!

Dick Pountain

To handle the trolling problem they could change it to a "NoDerivs" Creative Commons licence.

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How STEVE JOBS saved Apple's bacon with an outstretched ARM

Dick Pountain

Re: What would happen if Apple buys ARM?

The business model and the CPU can't be separated. Steve Furber designed the original ARM for minimal silicon real estate and power consumption - it was those virtues (well ahead of competitors at the time) that enabled ARM CPU blocks to be combined into systems-on-a-chip as silicon densities increased.

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While the BBC drools over Twitter, look what UK's up to: Hospital superbug breakthrough

Dick Pountain

The only people for whom Twitter has become essential are journos, which is why it gets so much coverage. Given those stats, the only future for Twitter is to start charging journalists and live with a vastly shrunken user base

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LG G Flex: A new cheeky curvy mobe with a 'SELF-HEALING' bottom

Dick Pountain

Re: Self Healing Bottom?

Should sell well to people who talk out of their arse, a not insignifican market nowadays...

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Study: Arctic warming at 'stunning' rate – highest temps in 44,000 years

Dick Pountain

Re: Oh My God !!!!!!!!!

Actually you can avoid taxes - ask Eric

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What the CUFF? Nokia shows how a smartwatch really OUGHT to work

Dick Pountain

They seem to have left off the spikes

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Facebook RIPS away your veil of privacy, declares NO MORE HIDING

Dick Pountain

It ain't that difficult - just think of Facebook as not like telephoning someone but more like standing on the highstreet. Don't do anything you wouldn't do there. You can show your pictures to passers-by, but perhaps don't show them your todger?And you *will* see ads in shop windows and on passing busses.

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Down with Unicode! Why 16 bits per character is a right pain in the ASCII

Dick Pountain

the horror, the horror....

One can't begin to appreciate the true horror of Unicode until one has tried converting Word documents into MOBI to make Kindle books using Calibre.

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Samsung: Sod off Apple, we've made gold mobes for way longer than you

Dick Pountain

"Pouring hot liquids or metals, such as lead or gold, into the mouth of a victim was a practice used on both sides of the Atlantic Ocean, by the Romans and the Spanish Inquisition among others.2"

Not suggesting anything, just historical research....

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Congrats on MP3ing your music... but WHY bother? Time for my ripping yarn

Dick Pountain

Spotify <cowers and runs away>

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Thorium and inefficient solar power? That's good enough for me

Dick Pountain

Re: Slightly fruity comparison

Eeuw, a supercritical banana split

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Fanbois shun 'crappy plastic' iPhone 5C

Dick Pountain

Relevant?

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/sep/20/masturbating-public-laughing-matter-sweden?CMP=twt_gu

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Nokia quiz: Do you know what a phablet is?

Dick Pountain

Not only should the word be banned, but everyone who has ever used it should be summarily executed. And then executed again. And then twerked.

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Bill Gates's barbed comments pop Google's broadband balloons

Dick Pountain

In summary then, let's provide wider cheaper internet access AND a cure for malaria AND let's all give up competitive moralising in online forums.

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Roses are #f00, violets are #00f. This witty code is a boffinry breakthrough

Dick Pountain

A Forth programmer asks for a beer and walks backwards into a bar....

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The hammer falls: Feds propose drastic controls on Apple's iTunes Store

Dick Pountain

Me too. But stranger things have happened - trust busters broke up Standard Oil, and AT&T. It's as American as apple pie.

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Highway from HELL: Volcano tears through 35km of crust in WEEKS

Dick Pountain

Re: Diamonds ...

Yes, but on the upside, as we all roast and choke it would be raining DIAMONDS!

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Been hacked? Don't dial 999: The plods are too dense, sniffs sec bigwig

Dick Pountain

Re: Not their job

What's happened is a new industry securing its future revenue streams by spreading good old FUD

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Google's new Chromecast spills its simplistic guts

Dick Pountain

Score so far: Apple trolls 17; Rasberry trolls 13; Google trolls 16; anti-Google trolls 9; common sense 0.89

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UK discovers Huawei UK staff auditing Huawei kit: Govt orders probe

Dick Pountain
Holmes

Would UK be any better?

After the Snowden revelations about NSA and GCHQ, why would anyone believe that UK-manufactures kit is any less likely to be riddled with trapdoors?

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Beijing fanboi in coma after iPhone 4 shock treatment

Dick Pountain
Meh

Too Severe?

I think electrocution is too severe a punishment for buying Apple products: they should reduce it to a moderate prison sentence

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UK investigators finger emergency beacon for 787 Heathrow fire

Dick Pountain

Won't be told

Said it before - lithium batteries are too cranky for aeroplanes (especially plastic aeroplanes). Burning a hole in your trousers is unpleasant, burning a hole in an aeroplane is a disaster.

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Ad man: Mozilla 'radicals' and 'extremists' want to wreck internet economy

Dick Pountain
Devil

You right, we want wreck it all an we COMING TO GET YOU NOW!

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We'll stop Johnny Foreigner gobbling our biznovation - UK gov

Dick Pountain

This is the just reward for the government's own ideologically-driven policies. Young "entrepreneurs" nowadays go into business with an exit strategy already in mind, as opposed to long term commitment. And the people they sell out to are always foreign because johnny foreigner has all the money and most of the smarts.

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T-Rex tooth find shows dino may have been a pussy

Dick Pountain

"...our collective imaginations."

Speak for yourself. My imagination has better things to do than drool over dinosaurs

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Analyst: Tests showing Intel smartphones beating ARM were rigged

Dick Pountain

Whoops, caught with pants down

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LG's curvy telly and Samsung's Galaxy camera seen in the wild

Dick Pountain

They've all gone barking mad. Their skin is still peeling from the burn from 3D TV and they come up with this shite. That camera could anchor a megayacht.

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US gov SMASHES UP TVs and MICE to nuke tiny malware outbreak

Dick Pountain

Tragi-comic

You've been had - this is just a rejected script from "Parks and Recreation"

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Samsung Galaxy S3 explodes, turns young woman into 'burnt pig'

Dick Pountain

Re: Increased energy density leads to increased risk

Everfything has enegy in it (even a rock, even Sprite Zero)

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