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* Posts by Boris the Cockroach

1024 posts • joined 10 Mar 2008

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Microsoft splurges 2½ INSTAGRAMS buying Minecraft maker Mojang

Boris the Cockroach
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Windows

Thank gawd

they did'nt buy the guys behind Kerbal Space Program

And since they've splurged 2.5 billion, they dont have the money now anyway

Good luck minecraft... you're gonna need it......

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Smart meters in UK homes will only save folks a lousy £26 a year

Boris the Cockroach
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FAIL

Its all

about preparing for the various nuclear/coal fired power stations to go end of life.

Once you've go everyone installed with smart meters , its a doddle to turn off individual houses to reduce demand on the power generation infrastructure. especially during winter when it wont be able to cope.

Gonna be fun when you jump on your spiffy new HS2 train for a jaunt upto Birmingham and be told "Due to power restrictions this train will be limited to 40 mph"... or the more fun to be had at 2am when the power comes back on and everyones washing machines/dishwashers start up.....

But then you got to look at the government decisions and wonder what the f*** are these people on?

Smart meters cost 10 billion quid to deploy over 10 years, or buying 2 off the shelf french nuclear power stations for the same amount over 10 years and not having to need smart meters......

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BBC Trust candidate defends licence fee, says evaders are CRIMINALS

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

you

wait until you get rid of the TV and dont pay the licence......

You thought mad John "break ya legs" Turner the loan shark was into harrassment when you did'nt pay him his 25 quid a week, hes got nothing on the licence enforcers..

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Hawking: Higgs boson in a BIG particle punisher could DESTROY UNIVERSE

Boris the Cockroach
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Devil

Surely

we can build a particle accelerator that size..... all we need is 2 decent 'ish sized black holes, set them at a minimal safe distance and have them spining in opposite directions.... then at the right time fire couple of planets into them , and hey presto 2 beams of radiation heading towards each other at a fair fraction of the speed of light... BOOOM

Boris

whats this note on my file? "caution :this patient should not be allowed within 50Km of any particle accelerator"

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Warrantless phone snooping HAPPENS ALL THE TIME in Blighty

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

Strangely

I'm on the side of the met and the government minister here (time to vomit)

Because the cops in question lied about the said events, or got sent to jail for lying about the said event.

And since they were into criminal conduct the met had every right to investigate who they were contacting.

If it was a bank robbery the met were investigating, you would'nt even blink for a second that the met had slurped data records on who called who after the robbery took place.

The article is more of a line that the press are upset because the scarers have been put on the police to stop them leaking so much paid information to the press.....

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Blighty's mighty tech skills shortage drives best job growth in years

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Windows

Same old same old

stuff about 'lack of skilled people'

The lack is caused by

1. employers/agencies want a person to fill ALL the tick boxes, if you dont , no matter how skilled, you wont be considered eg a skilled machinist who has run CNC lathes for 5 years using Fanuc OT-B series controls not being considered for a job because the machines have Fanuc 21-T controls (functionally the same thing..but hey got different numbers)

and

2. the pay/duties sucks : How much is the kit worth you are using for your job vs how much you are getting paid, the kit I use is £130 000, some of the parts can go upto £1000 each, and your share at the end of the year (assuming you dont scrap too much and get fired) £25-28K

But finally and most important

3. Companies cutting out all the training programs for their staff..... dont whine about 'lack of skilled staff' if your company has done this to 'improve profits'.

But managers who make that sort of decision rarely have to live with the consequences, because they've already flounced off to a higher paid job for having a proven record in increasing profits.......

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Shitty what? Almost half of MPs have never heard of Tech City

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Almost half

But they all know howto fill out expenses forms for swapping homes at the taxpayers expense without help....

All MPs really need to know is which way their paymasters/party bosses want them to vote on a subject and then go do it.

Which always begs the question.. why do we need so many of them?

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If your kid blew $$$s on in-app tat, Google has a slice of $19m+ for you

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Hooray!

Sorry its more likel $7.5 million for the lawyers (30% or so) and $2.50 in google play money for everyone else.

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You are here => Earth is in 'the suburbs' of an IMMENSE HEAVEN

Boris the Cockroach
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Its

not dark, our eyes just cant see the photons coming from every point in the sky

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BOFH: The current value of our IT ASSets? Minus eleventy-seven...

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Budgetary crazyness

We had beancounters from hell at one MoD place I attended

Then they got their rightful pasting thanks to a job in some tricky material... so we ordered 5 special tools to do the job, knowing we'd break 4 in the process of making the parts.

Beancounters saw the cost and cut the number down to 3...

Needless to say we got 60% through the order until we ran out of tools.

Was good fun watching senior naval and MOD types marching upstairs to the beancounters to explain the kit is worth several million quid and cant move until the poor engineering slobs(me) have made all the parts for it.....

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Pay to play: The hidden cost of software defined everything

Boris the Cockroach
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This

has been going on for years in the industrial control game

A certain popular Japnese company has some 16 8 bit number held in the permanent memory, each bit controls a different option such as 1 bit turns on the on screen clock and 3 bits defines how much memory you have (and you pay through the nose for those memory chips too)

The along comes a german company that sells a control that has all the options turned on by default and a nice 200 gig HDD too and everyone buys japanese to stay compatable with all the software written before .................

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Ouch... right in the VIDEO GAME: Lizard Squad attacks XBox, Twitch

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Meh

Its more than

likely a couple of 15 yr olds annoyed at Sony and Microsoft for booting them off their networks for hacking after they bought a "sony or microsoft cant detect this hack" from some dodgy russian website.

Take 'em out and shoot them I say 9mm revolutionary justi... damn forgot the revolution has been postponed for economic reasons.

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Experimental hypersonic SUPERMISSILE destroyed 4 SECONDS after US launched it

Boris the Cockroach
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Happy

Re: I for one welcome out new cockroach overlords

Its only a matter of time as I tell my 3*10^8 children at bedtime......

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Déjà vu: Virgin Media jacks up broadband prices

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge

The

only 2 gripes I have against VM ( or liberty global.. or NTL or NYNex or whoever else lays claim to the green trunking buried outside the house) is that the customer service dept is s*** until you finally get through to their english call center who generally have the flexibility to go off script and order an engineer for the next day.

And the dire junk mailing... for gawds sake VM CHECK to see if the houses you are mass mailing are already customers!!!!!!!!!! You pay an extra £1.50 for a VM monthly statement posted to you or £0.00 for an e.mailed version..... and I get at least 5 or 6 junk mails a month..... they gotta be hoovering up your sodding profits

Oh and the super(fail)hub only ever works properly if you put it in cable modem mode and use your own wireless router

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Microsoft: Azure isn't ready for biz-critical apps … yet

Boris the Cockroach
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Windows

Re: I don't understand

Microsoft marketing would give you Bill G's grandmother if it involved you buying services from M$ .....

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Germany 'accidentally' snooped on John Kerry and Hillary Clinton

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

Oh look

guess I was right after all when I said that everyone spies on everyone else...

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Can't touch this! Microsoft joins OpenGL 3D graphics group

Boris the Cockroach
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Joke

Re: Eek.

Worse still IE for Linux !!!

Boris

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Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

Boris the Cockroach
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Terminator

Self service ... pah

wait until you get a real robot that can (and will) kill you if you give it half a chance, and not content with stuffing the unlucky operator into the machining bay, it will do it again and again and again because it will absolutely never stop ever even if you are already dead (and got a 2" dia cutter through the skull too).

And I bet the self serve UI designers all started out in industrial UI design where they were rightfully kicked out for coming up with some of the abominations I put up with .....

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Bad back? Show some spine and stop popping paracetamol

Boris the Cockroach
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Unhappy

Tramadol or

Morphine are the only pain killers I've found that actually work

The only downsides are the addictive side effects......

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Boffins discuss AI space program at hush-hush IARPA confab

Boris the Cockroach
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Terminator

Time

to order those phased plasma rifles in the 40 watt range

After all... what could possibly go wrong?

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You! Pirate! Stop pirating, or we shall admonish you politely. Repeatedly, if necessary

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Facepalm

I'm

just waiting until some muppet adds the steam data servers to list of IPs to be watched for illegal downloads

<said muppet> f*** me terabytes of data going from this one uploader... must be a major criminal, lets hit him hard with a snotty letter, that will stop him

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Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Eccentric billionaire Musk gets his PRIVATE SPACEPORT

Boris the Cockroach
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Devil

All they

after with the current Falcon 9 launches is that the first stage can decend and land softly

If they can do that a few times over water where the kaboomy stuff does'nt really matter, then they'll go for landing the first stage on land.

Then they'll fine tune it so that it can land back in the volcano lair Mr Musk is undoubtedly building somewhere in the world away from prying eyes.......

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BitTorrent not to blame for movie revenues, says economist

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Sticky floor

I was just wondering...

Any idea what was sticking your feet to the floor?

Because we're after a decent glue to make some lightweight carbon fibre stuff bond to some metal.

Wheres the vomit icon :)

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Will GCHQ furtle this El Reg readers' poll? Team Snowden suggests: Yes

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

I upvoted

all of GCHQ's work because the mind control chip they implanted in my head told me to

Note to self : find a better quality of tinfoil than tesco's bargin brand

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Murdoch calls for ISPs to be liable for users' activities

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Fuck you Rupert!

Sadly, some of us pommies agree with you on those sentiments.

Wonder how much Coulson and the other phone hackers have been paid to fall on their swords to protect dear old rupe from a prison term?

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Standby consumes MORE POWER THAN CANADA: IEA

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Well it's not hard

You forgot the 2 months of 'summer' when mosquitos the size of large birds infest the air sucking the life out of any fool brave enough to dare to walk outside....

Well it was featured on Sci-fi channel so it must be true

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Boeing to start work on most powerful rocket ... EVER!

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Solid as a rock

Jettison a solid rocket booster while it's still firing?

Hey, KSP tells me that this is not only possible but quite frequent.

So long as you dont mind your payload/rest of the rocket blowing up due to impacts/exhaust heat

AND that happens in real life too.

Boris

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ISPs haul GCHQ into COURT over dragnet interwebs snooping

Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

ISP complaining

about snooping?

Bit rich after the phorm phuck up BT ran on its customers and the police/CPS said "not enough evidence to do anything about......

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Lords try shoehorning law against REVENGE SMUT into justice bill

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

Re: Happy Snapper

Quote "In that scenairo you'd hope the police and the courts would exercise some common sense."

I think I just fell off my chair laughing.

The law is'nt about common sense, its about getting the law on the books in order to make the politician look good( just before they trouser another brown envelope from a lobby group.. alledgedly)

The police and the courts will enforce the law because its their job, and will catch all the flack as soon as some poor innocent sod gets caught with his pants down...

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Remaining Snowden docs will be released to avert 'unspecified US war' – ‪Cryptome‬

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Potty Trouble is

I only used nukes as a example of information that should'nt be on general release

What if the NSA secrets to be released shows their technical capability to stuff up anyones cell phone network? and worse still it discloses the methods used?

Would a jihadi be interested? perhaps .. perhaps not, an enemy country? of course in a passing manner.

Who would be interested? why the spotty 17 yr old moron* keen to impress the other 17 yr olds infesting an IRC chatroom.

"I took down O2's network all day today hur hur " sort of thing

Boris

*I say moron, more like an IQ of 145 and the maturity of a 3 yr old

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Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

Trouble is

the mass release of 'information' does'nt stop a war from happening... it starts it.

While the release of information regarding what the NSA/GCHQ and 2/3rds of the west's spying agencies are doing to us and passing to each other maybe in the realms of illegality, the release of so much other info could be seen as a direct attack on the capabilities of GCHQ etc to intercept and decode the correct messages

After all.. if we know enemy elements are using a nokia phone, and we know howto track that one and decode everything coming from it and suddenly the target knows his calls are being tracked...

But then some of you would be happy with everything any government does released instantly onto the internet, perhap I could interest you with the mathematics of designing H-bomb warheads that can fit into a MIRV.....

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London teen charged over Spamhaus mega-DDoS attacks

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge

Suitable punishment for him

2 years of internet access through a 300 baud modem

That will teach the little git what it feels like to be on the other end of a ddos

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LOHAN in FIGHT to DEATH with brace of cantankerous canards

Boris the Cockroach
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Happy

Still

think you need a Kerbal in there.......

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London Tech Week: All for the luvvies and the joke's on you, taxpayers

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Pint

Re: Shock

Triumph was re-born in this period because John Bloor bought the rights to the name and all the old blueprints for the old twins so beloved of rose tinted old farts and threw all the prints in the bin, called in some engineers and said "I want a motorcyle with a 3 or 4 cylinder engine, it has to be resonably cheap to build, last at least 100 000 miles and does'nt piss oil everywhere... heres 100 million of my own money to build the factory and buy/ design everything you need"

There were no share holders to demand more profits every 2 weeks, and no government department involved that would take 6 months to make a decision over which brand of bolt to buy (thats 5 mins for the decision, 1 month jetting round the world to various bolt makers and 5 months educating the PPE tossers on what a bolt actually is)

But the comment about the next big thing coming from a lockup in Milton Keynes is right, what that tech event reported on is more about is getting your greasy face noticed so that you can sponge every more taxpayers money off an ignorant government (no doubt stuffed with more PPE tossers I mentioned earlier) thats desperate to appear to be doing something, and then claims credit as the new ARM holdings emerges from its dusty lockup to take over the tech world (or more likely says "we must run more of these events where free booze is supplied all day.. eh? tech? wassat then? hic")

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Internet of Things fridges? Pfft. So how does my milk carton know when it's empty?

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Devil

Well

I'm already preparing the fridge malware, especially it will end up running on an unloved useless OS like say windows 8 for example (M$ being really really desperate to shift it)

Some nice sauce code that reads:

If (FRIDGELIGHT==ON)

run COOLIINGPUMP();

else INTERNAL_TEMP==45C

and laugh as everyone gets food poisoning.

Mind you, what happens when you put 1/2 a curry in the fridge to eat the next day? does it go PHONE(Curry_House).Order(Vindaloo) or something when you take it out?

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Boris: Look on 'London's digital tentacles', ye mighty, and despair!

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
FAIL

46 000 jobs eh?

So where are these magic workers going to come from?

re-skilled british? naww costs to much to train and besides , they'll want a decent rate

Fresh immigrants.... well yes... but they'll still need training... that costs

I know can we transfer all our indian staff here on internal transfer visas, pay them min wage ,pack them 14 to a room in tower hamlets, then claim our call center is UK based ?

Boris

PS I live on a proper reclaimed swamp... not the reclaimed 2000 yrs of sewage that floated down river like London

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Women are too expensive to draw and code – Ubisoft

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge

No wonder

Skyrim was so bloody expensive .....

Bella Roach..... mage, assassin and housewife ;)

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UK govt preps World War 2 energy rationing to keep the lights on

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
FAIL

Instead of

standing around bitching about it, how about we drag out all those politicians from 10-15 yrs ago who made the decisions not to start building replacement plant and , well, let our imaginations run riot.

Seriously , these people knew what was coming, we knew 20 years ago that the AGR stations would be coming to their mechanical end around about now, so why has'nt the replacement capicity been built?

Why are we building wind turbines if they dont produce the baseload we need or peak power when we need?

Solar in this country is a joke, and as for tidal barrages.... we'll build one in the Severn, 2 in the solent at either end of the isle of wight, Thames, wash, humber, firth of forth, and clyde and we may just have a chance with tidal.

But the public dont care. and wont care, which we have politicians make decisions for them, but the public will care the day the power goes off....

On the plus side.... no more f***ing light pollution from a neighbour who has 500 Mw security lamps lighting up his inaccessible back garden.

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Vodafone: SPOOKS are plugged DIRECTLY into our network

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Big Brother

And quite possibly

theres a clause in the phone companies contract with the government that says something along the lines of

"The carrier must provide slots for an authorised government agency to install wire taps, if said carrier does not provides such slots , then the carrier will no longer be allowed to use the UK for its services"

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Plucky Playmonaut bails out of smoking Vulture 2

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Mushroom

Why are you

still using playmonauts?

Swap out the pilot to Jeb from Kerbal space program and he NEVER bails out regardless of the disaster about to befall him

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YOU - NASA. Enough with the ROBOTS, get some PEOPLE to MARS

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Joke

Whats that noise?

Ahhhhh its the conspiracy nut jobs preparing all the stories about how humans could never have got to Mars and it was all filmed in a backlot at area 51

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NSA: Inside the FIVE-EYED VAMPIRE SQUID of the INTERNET

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Big Brother

But

during the cold war , we (Nato) were cheerfully hacking into russian comm cables and leaching off data by the bucket load until it was given away by a traitor or the russians found the splice themselves.

Or the russians during WW2 invited the western allies to conferences , then systematically bugged every room in the building...

So its nothing new

Its just a lot harder sifting through all that internet traffic now looking for that one e.mail containing the words 'nuclear', 'bomb', 'london', 'tommorrow' and 'jihad'............ eeeekk men at the doorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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Patch NOW: Six new bugs found in OpenSSL – including spying hole

Boris the Cockroach
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FAIL

Re: Fallback

<<off to sit on the roof between you and your bank and perform a man in the middle attack

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Cyber crims smash through Windows into the great beyond

Boris the Cockroach
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Linux

Re: Gnu/Linux?

short answer: No

Just less likely to be attacked because of the market share, .. if it had 50% market share, we'd be seeing all sorts of nasties aimed at GNU/Linux

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Bing's the thing in Microsoft's push for cheap Windows devices

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Can't we have an agnostic experience for search engines?

Its a new kind of business plan for microsoft.

Its called "Flailing in the dark pushing as many plans out the door until we find one that makes money, then we'll milk that one for all the cash we can screw out of our customers"

Peronally I suspect that inside Microsoft Hq, they've opened that portal to the universe with an infinite amount of monkeys in and asked "can you give us a business plan that works"

Boris

IE use broken down:

1% surfing the internet

99% downloading another browser

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Waterfront flats plan for IBM's UK HQ as housing market goes bananas

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge

Whats missing

here is that the building is stuck right next to the M27 motorway, across from which is the tipner landfill.

Plus a couple of other major roads.

Still easy access to the local traffic jams, although if you work at IBM too, no excuse for being late in the morning....

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Creepy Facebook urges users to pester friends about their SEX LIVES

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

You think

those targetted ads are bad enough when its 'play this war game' 'date hot people' and 'play this bollocks game'

You wait until you get to 50+ when all the FB ads morph into pile cream, denture glue and earwax removal.....

Boris

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Multiplayer Elite to debut on May 30th

Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

Re: you approach a station..

Sadly Captain Boris, interstellar pirate hunter and odd jobber , noticed the ID number of the pirates and put out some fake info about another foolhardy trader willing to risk the hordes of gun happy gits....

And made himself some cash by shooting a bunch of them down

Boris :seemingly harmless ;)

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Space Station in CRISIS: Furious Russia threatens to BAN US from ISS

Boris the Cockroach
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Happy

Re: "the irreplaceable orbital station"

Thats when the Chinese government steps in with funding on the provision they get to choose the commanding officer

Boris

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550 reasons to buy this book for your beloved: COCKROACHES of Oz

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Unhappy

I knew

great great uncle Ozric moved to australia, but he never wrote and told me just how big his new family was

Boris... looking forward to another 3*10^14 christmas cards to buy........

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