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* Posts by Boris the Cockroach

1011 posts • joined 10 Mar 2008

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Déjà vu: Virgin Media jacks up broadband prices

Boris the Cockroach
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The

only 2 gripes I have against VM ( or liberty global.. or NTL or NYNex or whoever else lays claim to the green trunking buried outside the house) is that the customer service dept is s*** until you finally get through to their english call center who generally have the flexibility to go off script and order an engineer for the next day.

And the dire junk mailing... for gawds sake VM CHECK to see if the houses you are mass mailing are already customers!!!!!!!!!! You pay an extra £1.50 for a VM monthly statement posted to you or £0.00 for an e.mailed version..... and I get at least 5 or 6 junk mails a month..... they gotta be hoovering up your sodding profits

Oh and the super(fail)hub only ever works properly if you put it in cable modem mode and use your own wireless router

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Microsoft: Azure isn't ready for biz-critical apps … yet

Boris the Cockroach
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Windows

Re: I don't understand

Microsoft marketing would give you Bill G's grandmother if it involved you buying services from M$ .....

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Germany 'accidentally' snooped on John Kerry and Hillary Clinton

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

Oh look

guess I was right after all when I said that everyone spies on everyone else...

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Can't touch this! Microsoft joins OpenGL 3D graphics group

Boris the Cockroach
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Joke

Re: Eek.

Worse still IE for Linux !!!

Boris

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Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

Boris the Cockroach
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Terminator

Self service ... pah

wait until you get a real robot that can (and will) kill you if you give it half a chance, and not content with stuffing the unlucky operator into the machining bay, it will do it again and again and again because it will absolutely never stop ever even if you are already dead (and got a 2" dia cutter through the skull too).

And I bet the self serve UI designers all started out in industrial UI design where they were rightfully kicked out for coming up with some of the abominations I put up with .....

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Bad back? Show some spine and stop popping paracetamol

Boris the Cockroach
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Unhappy

Tramadol or

Morphine are the only pain killers I've found that actually work

The only downsides are the addictive side effects......

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Boffins discuss AI space program at hush-hush IARPA confab

Boris the Cockroach
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Terminator

Time

to order those phased plasma rifles in the 40 watt range

After all... what could possibly go wrong?

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You! Pirate! Stop pirating, or we shall admonish you politely. Repeatedly, if necessary

Boris the Cockroach
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Facepalm

I'm

just waiting until some muppet adds the steam data servers to list of IPs to be watched for illegal downloads

<said muppet> f*** me terabytes of data going from this one uploader... must be a major criminal, lets hit him hard with a snotty letter, that will stop him

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Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Eccentric billionaire Musk gets his PRIVATE SPACEPORT

Boris the Cockroach
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Devil

All they

after with the current Falcon 9 launches is that the first stage can decend and land softly

If they can do that a few times over water where the kaboomy stuff does'nt really matter, then they'll go for landing the first stage on land.

Then they'll fine tune it so that it can land back in the volcano lair Mr Musk is undoubtedly building somewhere in the world away from prying eyes.......

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BitTorrent not to blame for movie revenues, says economist

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Sticky floor

I was just wondering...

Any idea what was sticking your feet to the floor?

Because we're after a decent glue to make some lightweight carbon fibre stuff bond to some metal.

Wheres the vomit icon :)

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Will GCHQ furtle this El Reg readers' poll? Team Snowden suggests: Yes

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

I upvoted

all of GCHQ's work because the mind control chip they implanted in my head told me to

Note to self : find a better quality of tinfoil than tesco's bargin brand

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Murdoch calls for ISPs to be liable for users' activities

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Fuck you Rupert!

Sadly, some of us pommies agree with you on those sentiments.

Wonder how much Coulson and the other phone hackers have been paid to fall on their swords to protect dear old rupe from a prison term?

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Standby consumes MORE POWER THAN CANADA: IEA

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Well it's not hard

You forgot the 2 months of 'summer' when mosquitos the size of large birds infest the air sucking the life out of any fool brave enough to dare to walk outside....

Well it was featured on Sci-fi channel so it must be true

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Boeing to start work on most powerful rocket ... EVER!

Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

Re: Solid as a rock

Jettison a solid rocket booster while it's still firing?

Hey, KSP tells me that this is not only possible but quite frequent.

So long as you dont mind your payload/rest of the rocket blowing up due to impacts/exhaust heat

AND that happens in real life too.

Boris

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ISPs haul GCHQ into COURT over dragnet interwebs snooping

Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

ISP complaining

about snooping?

Bit rich after the phorm phuck up BT ran on its customers and the police/CPS said "not enough evidence to do anything about......

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Lords try shoehorning law against REVENGE SMUT into justice bill

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

Re: Happy Snapper

Quote "In that scenairo you'd hope the police and the courts would exercise some common sense."

I think I just fell off my chair laughing.

The law is'nt about common sense, its about getting the law on the books in order to make the politician look good( just before they trouser another brown envelope from a lobby group.. alledgedly)

The police and the courts will enforce the law because its their job, and will catch all the flack as soon as some poor innocent sod gets caught with his pants down...

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Remaining Snowden docs will be released to avert 'unspecified US war' – ‪Cryptome‬

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Potty Trouble is

I only used nukes as a example of information that should'nt be on general release

What if the NSA secrets to be released shows their technical capability to stuff up anyones cell phone network? and worse still it discloses the methods used?

Would a jihadi be interested? perhaps .. perhaps not, an enemy country? of course in a passing manner.

Who would be interested? why the spotty 17 yr old moron* keen to impress the other 17 yr olds infesting an IRC chatroom.

"I took down O2's network all day today hur hur " sort of thing

Boris

*I say moron, more like an IQ of 145 and the maturity of a 3 yr old

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Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

Trouble is

the mass release of 'information' does'nt stop a war from happening... it starts it.

While the release of information regarding what the NSA/GCHQ and 2/3rds of the west's spying agencies are doing to us and passing to each other maybe in the realms of illegality, the release of so much other info could be seen as a direct attack on the capabilities of GCHQ etc to intercept and decode the correct messages

After all.. if we know enemy elements are using a nokia phone, and we know howto track that one and decode everything coming from it and suddenly the target knows his calls are being tracked...

But then some of you would be happy with everything any government does released instantly onto the internet, perhap I could interest you with the mathematics of designing H-bomb warheads that can fit into a MIRV.....

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London teen charged over Spamhaus mega-DDoS attacks

Boris the Cockroach
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Suitable punishment for him

2 years of internet access through a 300 baud modem

That will teach the little git what it feels like to be on the other end of a ddos

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LOHAN in FIGHT to DEATH with brace of cantankerous canards

Boris the Cockroach
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Happy

Still

think you need a Kerbal in there.......

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London Tech Week: All for the luvvies and the joke's on you, taxpayers

Boris the Cockroach
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Pint

Re: Shock

Triumph was re-born in this period because John Bloor bought the rights to the name and all the old blueprints for the old twins so beloved of rose tinted old farts and threw all the prints in the bin, called in some engineers and said "I want a motorcyle with a 3 or 4 cylinder engine, it has to be resonably cheap to build, last at least 100 000 miles and does'nt piss oil everywhere... heres 100 million of my own money to build the factory and buy/ design everything you need"

There were no share holders to demand more profits every 2 weeks, and no government department involved that would take 6 months to make a decision over which brand of bolt to buy (thats 5 mins for the decision, 1 month jetting round the world to various bolt makers and 5 months educating the PPE tossers on what a bolt actually is)

But the comment about the next big thing coming from a lockup in Milton Keynes is right, what that tech event reported on is more about is getting your greasy face noticed so that you can sponge every more taxpayers money off an ignorant government (no doubt stuffed with more PPE tossers I mentioned earlier) thats desperate to appear to be doing something, and then claims credit as the new ARM holdings emerges from its dusty lockup to take over the tech world (or more likely says "we must run more of these events where free booze is supplied all day.. eh? tech? wassat then? hic")

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Internet of Things fridges? Pfft. So how does my milk carton know when it's empty?

Boris the Cockroach
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Devil

Well

I'm already preparing the fridge malware, especially it will end up running on an unloved useless OS like say windows 8 for example (M$ being really really desperate to shift it)

Some nice sauce code that reads:

If (FRIDGELIGHT==ON)

run COOLIINGPUMP();

else INTERNAL_TEMP==45C

and laugh as everyone gets food poisoning.

Mind you, what happens when you put 1/2 a curry in the fridge to eat the next day? does it go PHONE(Curry_House).Order(Vindaloo) or something when you take it out?

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Boris: Look on 'London's digital tentacles', ye mighty, and despair!

Boris the Cockroach
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FAIL

46 000 jobs eh?

So where are these magic workers going to come from?

re-skilled british? naww costs to much to train and besides , they'll want a decent rate

Fresh immigrants.... well yes... but they'll still need training... that costs

I know can we transfer all our indian staff here on internal transfer visas, pay them min wage ,pack them 14 to a room in tower hamlets, then claim our call center is UK based ?

Boris

PS I live on a proper reclaimed swamp... not the reclaimed 2000 yrs of sewage that floated down river like London

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Women are too expensive to draw and code – Ubisoft

Boris the Cockroach
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No wonder

Skyrim was so bloody expensive .....

Bella Roach..... mage, assassin and housewife ;)

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UK govt preps World War 2 energy rationing to keep the lights on

Boris the Cockroach
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FAIL

Instead of

standing around bitching about it, how about we drag out all those politicians from 10-15 yrs ago who made the decisions not to start building replacement plant and , well, let our imaginations run riot.

Seriously , these people knew what was coming, we knew 20 years ago that the AGR stations would be coming to their mechanical end around about now, so why has'nt the replacement capicity been built?

Why are we building wind turbines if they dont produce the baseload we need or peak power when we need?

Solar in this country is a joke, and as for tidal barrages.... we'll build one in the Severn, 2 in the solent at either end of the isle of wight, Thames, wash, humber, firth of forth, and clyde and we may just have a chance with tidal.

But the public dont care. and wont care, which we have politicians make decisions for them, but the public will care the day the power goes off....

On the plus side.... no more f***ing light pollution from a neighbour who has 500 Mw security lamps lighting up his inaccessible back garden.

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Vodafone: SPOOKS are plugged DIRECTLY into our network

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

And quite possibly

theres a clause in the phone companies contract with the government that says something along the lines of

"The carrier must provide slots for an authorised government agency to install wire taps, if said carrier does not provides such slots , then the carrier will no longer be allowed to use the UK for its services"

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Plucky Playmonaut bails out of smoking Vulture 2

Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

Why are you

still using playmonauts?

Swap out the pilot to Jeb from Kerbal space program and he NEVER bails out regardless of the disaster about to befall him

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YOU - NASA. Enough with the ROBOTS, get some PEOPLE to MARS

Boris the Cockroach
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Joke

Whats that noise?

Ahhhhh its the conspiracy nut jobs preparing all the stories about how humans could never have got to Mars and it was all filmed in a backlot at area 51

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NSA: Inside the FIVE-EYED VAMPIRE SQUID of the INTERNET

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Big Brother

But

during the cold war , we (Nato) were cheerfully hacking into russian comm cables and leaching off data by the bucket load until it was given away by a traitor or the russians found the splice themselves.

Or the russians during WW2 invited the western allies to conferences , then systematically bugged every room in the building...

So its nothing new

Its just a lot harder sifting through all that internet traffic now looking for that one e.mail containing the words 'nuclear', 'bomb', 'london', 'tommorrow' and 'jihad'............ eeeekk men at the doorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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Patch NOW: Six new bugs found in OpenSSL – including spying hole

Boris the Cockroach
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FAIL

Re: Fallback

<<off to sit on the roof between you and your bank and perform a man in the middle attack

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Cyber crims smash through Windows into the great beyond

Boris the Cockroach
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Linux

Re: Gnu/Linux?

short answer: No

Just less likely to be attacked because of the market share, .. if it had 50% market share, we'd be seeing all sorts of nasties aimed at GNU/Linux

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Bing's the thing in Microsoft's push for cheap Windows devices

Boris the Cockroach
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Windows

Re: Can't we have an agnostic experience for search engines?

Its a new kind of business plan for microsoft.

Its called "Flailing in the dark pushing as many plans out the door until we find one that makes money, then we'll milk that one for all the cash we can screw out of our customers"

Peronally I suspect that inside Microsoft Hq, they've opened that portal to the universe with an infinite amount of monkeys in and asked "can you give us a business plan that works"

Boris

IE use broken down:

1% surfing the internet

99% downloading another browser

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Waterfront flats plan for IBM's UK HQ as housing market goes bananas

Boris the Cockroach
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Whats missing

here is that the building is stuck right next to the M27 motorway, across from which is the tipner landfill.

Plus a couple of other major roads.

Still easy access to the local traffic jams, although if you work at IBM too, no excuse for being late in the morning....

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Creepy Facebook urges users to pester friends about their SEX LIVES

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

You think

those targetted ads are bad enough when its 'play this war game' 'date hot people' and 'play this bollocks game'

You wait until you get to 50+ when all the FB ads morph into pile cream, denture glue and earwax removal.....

Boris

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Multiplayer Elite to debut on May 30th

Boris the Cockroach
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Mushroom

Re: you approach a station..

Sadly Captain Boris, interstellar pirate hunter and odd jobber , noticed the ID number of the pirates and put out some fake info about another foolhardy trader willing to risk the hordes of gun happy gits....

And made himself some cash by shooting a bunch of them down

Boris :seemingly harmless ;)

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Space Station in CRISIS: Furious Russia threatens to BAN US from ISS

Boris the Cockroach
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Happy

Re: "the irreplaceable orbital station"

Thats when the Chinese government steps in with funding on the provision they get to choose the commanding officer

Boris

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550 reasons to buy this book for your beloved: COCKROACHES of Oz

Boris the Cockroach
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Unhappy

I knew

great great uncle Ozric moved to australia, but he never wrote and told me just how big his new family was

Boris... looking forward to another 3*10^14 christmas cards to buy........

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Britain'll look like rural Albania without fracking – House of Lords report

Boris the Cockroach
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Is'nt

the house of lords usually stuffed with the ex-politicians who 10-15 yrs ago were running the country?

You know, the same pillocks who were told in 2005 we need to be really cracking on with building either nuclear or gas power stations ready for 2015 ....

Wheres the blackout icon?

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Please work for nothing, Mr Dabbs. What can you lose?

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: Exposure

or end up in prison

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Granny's Guardian: Acorn BBC Micro hero touts OAP watchdog kit

Boris the Cockroach
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Big Brother

Re: Just what elderly people need!

Too right, last thing I need is my various sundry relatives hanging around my arse annoying the fek out of me and only finally clearing off when they've scoffed all the chocolate hobnobs and guzzled my beer.

Boris

But without it I get to die cold and alone on the kitchen floor....... instead of cold , alone, unfed, and neglected in a NHS hospital.....

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BBC hacks – tweet the crap out of the news, cries tech-dazzled Trust

Boris the Cockroach
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Flame

I gave

up watching BBC when it became quite clear that 100% of the output was aimed at the bottom 50% of the population.

We might get a documentary about some great science topic, and its stuffed to the gills with flashy graphics, sound effects and a couple of interviews with the lead researcher (if you're lucky), no hints of the maths behind it, no clue to how long it took the people involved to prove the crazy idea, just stick another flashy graphic in and do the narration as if you were talking to a room full of 5 year olds

Boris

And dont even mention the TV tax

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94% of Brit tech bosses just can't get the staff these days, claims bank

Boris the Cockroach
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Happy

Are

you on the south coast and interested in a Java programmer used to multi-threaded applications (and does some industrial robots on the side)?

Boris

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Boris the Cockroach
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Its

been going on for ages

Employers who complain about "skills shortages" and "no skilled staff" are usually the ones paying the least and expecting staff to do 20hrs unpaid overtime a day.. sorry a week.

But dont worry, its just the usual prelude to the CBI type bods cozying upto the government with the whisper of "If you drop the visa requirements even more, then we'll get the skilled staff we need at £7/hr and you'll get a fat directorship when you get booted out of power"..... alledgedly.

Oh and my answer to anyone bleating skills shortage is "why the f*** are you not hiring someone close enough to your job spec and training them?"

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Next Windows obsolescence panic is 450 days from … NOW!

Boris the Cockroach
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Devil

Wow

look at all that command line stuff.

Anyone would think it was running a 10 yr old linux system

<<<runs and hides back under the fridge

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R.I.P. LADEE: Probe smashes into lunar surface at 3,600mph

Boris the Cockroach
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Happy

Built out of modular components?

NASA have been playing far too much kerbal space program lately.....

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Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise

Boris the Cockroach
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Re: anti semitism question

Its all to do with the christain church banning christians from charging interest on loans.

So the only place to get a loan was from a jewish money lender.

Now of course what would happen is King John the slimy would take out a loan to pay for his war again king phillip the bastard.

Unexpectedly king phillip wins so theres no loot to pay the loans back.

So lets mis quote the bible, join forces with the church who dont really like any other religions in their patch and kick out the jews.

And of course you can seize all their goods and default on paying the loans back....

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Is tech the preserve of the young able-bodied? Let's talk over a fine dinner and claret

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge

Thinking about it

What we actually need is a well designed UI

De clutter the interface, stick only the options on it you need in clearly readable fonts.

Make everything consistant across the interface, so that the user can easily predict what happens if a different option is pressed. and hide stuff the regular users dont need to know about.

Thats howto design for us oldies, and you'll find that works for the youngies too , as well as those people in the middle that happen to be using your PC-robot comms package.

By the way, I did'nt copy the above from a university textbook, it came from one of the testers for the comms package.

Boris

PS. is this the same tescos website that demanded you setup an account with your credit card and address before they'd let you start shopping on their site?

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OK, we get the message, Microsoft: Windows Defender splats 1000s of WinXP, Server 2k3 PCs

Boris the Cockroach
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Linux

My favourite AV product for any m$ product is of course Linux.

After all its where my Xp VM lives... wonderfuly reliable now I've turned off its net access

Boris

<<,scuttling away before the windows fans stamp on him

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Windows 8.1, which you probably haven't upgraded to yet, ALREADY OBSOLETE

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Waitwhat?

Or more likely, make a complete clusterf**k of win8 and its updates so that everyone is so relieved when win9 is released later in the year.

Of course, those who look closely at win9 will notice its just win7 with a changed title page .....

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Dropbox defends fantastically badly timed Condoleezza Rice appointment

Boris the Cockroach
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Dropbox drops the ball.

Given a smidgen of a choice anyone would rather live in todays western 'police state' than the old warsaw pact countries

100 000 secret police, with 1 in 6 of the population being informers anyone?

Perhaps you'd like a new phone line so you can call your grandpa whos in west Berlin, either it gets refused outright or approved because the secret police want to listen in and make sure you are not hearing stuff you are not allowed to hear.

Or you'd like your communist paradise to implement the human rights declaration it signed upto in 1977... well your country is communist which means its already perfect so you must be mad.. here have a long hospital stay.

And finally, you want healthcare only to find the leaders have spent all the money on building a "people's palace" for the leader to live in and its 3 times the size of Buckingham palace......

So I'll take my chances on having GCHQ listen in on my mobile and e.mails , because whatever happens, I'm not going to get 9mm revolutionary justice applied to the back of my head for saying the wrong thing

Boris

<old enough to remember the cold war

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