In other - completely unconnected - news...
Prince William is advertising for a new press officer
48 posts • joined 5 Mar 2008
Prince William is advertising for a new press officer
The Font of Champions
...just the bullets with your name on.
...this is the kind of thing we should all be getting behind.
Can they do something about Mick Hucknall next?
...but thanks to El Reg, Bellend Blatter lives on.
Excuse: I was sixteen.
...of bringing a large shovel and a coule of sacks of quicklime to meetings in order to get things moving. Does this make me a bad person?
Ah, America, where you end up in court over $4.95
Oh, how we laughed down in Dorset when we heard the plans to install high speed broadband for the Olympic Yachting in Weymouth & Portland.
Yes, we're going to be wired in with something faster than the bits of old string and old coat hangers we've got at the moment. But as soon as the circus leaves, they're rolling it all up and taking it back to That London.
Cheers for that, Sebby.
This from my Twitter stream:
Coincidence? I THINK NOT
Zombie BOFH neeeds braaaaaaainssssssss
...at the dreadful Keith Chegwin gag underneath as well.
It is my sad duty to report that these things aren't as straightforward as BofH thinks.
In short: All the judges get together for a meeting, then the sponsors decide who wins. THE END.
Right from the first paragraph I knew poor, dead Graham would end the tale as a red, sticky, still-twitching pile of dismembered body parts, barely identifiable as human amid the metallic carnage.
The joy was in the journey.
Sorry, I haven't put anybody off their lunch, have I?
I live just a brisk boat ride across the harbour from the Weymouth & Portland sailing academy where the 2012 sailing events are to be held.
If a fat lummox like me can row a boat - what about highly-trained terrists? This can only lead to one thing: absolutely nothing.
Cyxymu is a (bad) Latinised rendering of the Cyrillic word Sukhumi, the capital of Abkhazia.
This is clearly Tharg the Mighty winding up a Rigellian Hotshot, as ane fule kno.
... by the Freemason Illuminati elite to get a home secretary that is worse than the one before.
Take a look at the recent list of incumbants if you don't believe me:
Next in line for the job is a Hostess Trolley from the John Lewis list
I knew there had to be an explanation for all those users I killed.
Said too much...
Just popping out to bump off the 'Dull, dull, dull' crowd.
Pickaxe handle. Tin bath. Sack of quicklime.
Q E D
Why, why, WHY have I never thought of this?
...to sabotage meetings that turn into Buzzword Bingo hell.
I once got away with "Let's hammer these ideas into the ground and see if the nice dog pisses on them" with only minor injuries.
I used "My homework's in the dog" only last week and got away with it.
I am 42.
...that the Fuhrer was NOT a Benny tied to a tree, but he did have "Skill".
Meat is murder.
Tasty, tasty murder
I have recently found out that I am (genuinely) on Tier Two in our organisation's catering scheme of things.
That's Tier Two out of seven. It's tramp vomit, but they rinse it under a tap first.
...So future civilisations may clone him in years to come.
Yeah, first class ticket to Hell, please.
There was an ill-informed scare about CRT radiation in our office many years ago. The result of this was a handful of end users buying protective glasses (at twenty-five notes a shot) from a dodgy mail order company that made them look like they had insects' eyes.
Like this: http://tinyurl.com/twatspex
A stunning victory for the IT department.
It's where I keep my old tin bath and catering-sized sacks of quick-lime, because YOU NEVER KNOW.
...Like, say, use anti-terrorism laws to seize the assets of a friendly nation.
Satire, old bean, is something you either have or don't have. Guess which category you fall under?
If it wasn't already, online tat bazaar eBay is now officially the YES! Car Credit fo the internet.
...changing folder names for laughs and blaming a virus.
"But why is my folder now called 'Vinegar Tits'?"
"Who can tell how these people work"
... to take over the Flashman series before anybody else gets the chance to bugger it up.
Where's my monkey butler?
...there are so many lorries on the M27 which have come up from the docks, you've got no problem hiding behind one as you go past the cameras. Unfortunately, as all three lanes are filled with either lorries or holidaymakers up from the New Forest, it is impossible to do any faster than 45 mph and prove Clarkson right or wrong.
1. Capture US soldiers
2. Confiscate their tags, place in iron-clad, booby-trapped bunker and await rescue party
...and raise you "Fear Her".
Paris, cos I fear her an' all.
A work of genius, sir.
Of course, we had a Honeywell DPS4, and disc crashes were particularly violent decapitating-the-cleaners stuff of legend.
...calling somebody "dumb" is abuse and does not constitute libel.
You might have thought somebody in the publishing business would have known that.
Don't you mean "Online tat merchants eBay"?
...I've always offered to turn the scammers' copy into plain English in return for a percentage. Strangely, nobody's ever taken up my offer.
... was not achieving --- E L I T E --- status (which I managed on no less than three occasions), but hacking Samantha Fox Strip Poker so I could get to the money shot without all that boring gambling business.
Those were the days, and far from being educational, the Beeb was entirely responsible for failing my A-levels in 1984. And again in 1985.
My Shatner's Bassoon needs its daily fix.