* Posts by Elmer Phud

4520 publicly visible posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Virgin Mobile doffs its cap: Web speed limit axed after outrage

Elmer Phud
IT Angle

Competition?

BT reckon they don't anymore -- is this Virgin trying at catch-up or, as already suggested, just bullshit while they try and find out how they can return to 'normal'.

Chaos Theory causes password entry pandemonium

Elmer Phud
Pint

Tousers of time

"Here’s another inexplicable conundrum: why do grown men these days feel the need to unbuckle their belts and lower their trousers while standing at a urinal?"

The belt is there as reinforcement to assist the trouser waistband in holding back a waistline that points in the direction of Type2 diabetes (You know your problem, you keep it all in). With a full bladder being compressed in there along with other stuff unless the waistband is released there is no way the amber nectar can find its way out. The pressure releases is often accompanied with an huge sigh or even a groan.

It's Friday o'clock, try not to be to obvious with your observations in the local pub.

That or unless rapid location of Mr(insert pet name here) is achieved then a thorough internal trouser soaking is in order and everyone on the tube thinks you're yet another pisshead.

Single IPv6 packet kills Kaspersky-protected PCs, fix emerges

Elmer Phud

Re: Why

"do we still need antivirus in 2013?"

Because the majority of users just click on things.

Remember, the internet is nowadays sold as a 'point and click' product - it's another thing that is there in the house as a consumer product. I wouldn't expect your average punter understand the basic of how a washing machine works so I don't expect them to have a clue about not clicking on a link that has come from a family member without looking first.

Cars without air-bags isn't a bad idea for a careful driver, it's the other 95% that have to be accounted for.

Irish Senator suggests net users register passport and IP address

Elmer Phud

Charges to the Reg?

How much is my fee for sparking off long threads about Mac/V's MS or one of the interminable penguin fancier noise fests?

After all, if the Reg is gonna charge the punters I ought to get a slice.

Troll icon as a badge of honour for services to the Reg?

Reg readers brew up the ultimate cuppa

Elmer Phud
Pint

Re: Tea can be greatly improved with....

There are loads of pics of bacon sarnies all over the place today - something about them being bad for you (I thought this came out years back) BUT these pics of bacon sarnies make me salivate while a background taste of tea brews in my mind as well.

Wrong container (though it's been known) but I'll raise a mug to you.

Elmer Phud

Re: Brewing Time

"whereas Whole Earth Organic Earl Grey takes a good 5 minutes for a proper flavour to develop."

That sounds like you want a fragrant tea and something with a bit of body as well. Usually the scented ones don't take too well being left that long.

Investigate real specialty teas or mix your own instead?

The supercomputers LIED: UK rainfall is rising, but won't drown our phones

Elmer Phud

Re: "gets in the way of the microwave"

They upgraded to a George Foreman grill instead.

'Quantum fridge' gets close to absolute zero

Elmer Phud

Re: But - is it as cool as....

Not now the sharks have lasers, no.

Japanese password protector floods screen with hoax cursors

Elmer Phud

Back in the days . . .

. . . . of terminals we'd just change the cursor colour of other people's terminals -- the people that never learned the four-key combination to get into set-up.

News Corp challenges iPad with $299 education tablet

Elmer Phud
Alert

Re: we teach, you decide.. what to learn

""We want to transform the way teachers teach and students learn,""

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Next Windows 8 version can ditch bits of Metro

Elmer Phud
Stop

Re: Making Windows 8 look like Windows 7 isn't a climbdown?

Fail!

If you are going to criticise on grammar, there is a perfectly good icon to use*.

The El-Reg team work tirelessly for at least five minutes a day to ensure we can just click to slag-off others.

Non-use of icons will be logged and could result in staff cutbacks due to lack of usage of icons supplied.

*It even says 'Pedantic grammar nazi alert' ffs!

Banged-up Brit hacker hacks into his OWN PRISON'S 'MAINFRAME'

Elmer Phud

Re: I am conflicted...

"Fox said he was not aware of Webber's crimes when the hacker joined the prison's IT class. Fox also maintained that it wasn't his decision to admit the lad to the course, which aims to give young offenders skills that will give them a better chance of finding gainful employment once they leave prison"

Sounds like they sacked the wrong person -- who was in charge of the paper shuffling?

New class of industrial-scale super-phishing emails threatens biz

Elmer Phud

Re: HTML email only?

When many have defaults running on most mail clients or just use webmail, they only want to see pretty pictures and not all the giveaway clues you see on 'text only, no preview'.

Elmer Phud

Re: A question of style: scare quotes

It would help people to understand also that 'trolling' doesn't actually refer to sub-bridge dwellers but another fishing reference.

That of dragging shiny lures through the water , they sparkle and flash and grab the attention of the unwary.

Microsoft parts clouds over Bing Maps with massive sat pic upgrade

Elmer Phud

Re: Even the low res pictures

Just had a look.

Ooh, next door got rid of that motor three years back.

SpaceX Dragon eventually snared by ISS

Elmer Phud

Re: Launch date

Not just Wales -- St. George is on time-share

Elmer Phud
Thumb Up

Re: It's never embarrassing to fix a problem.

" There's nothing embarrassing about fixing them."

Especially when it's the equivalent of giving it a whack with a lump hammer.

Something we can all appreciate.

Health pros: Alcohol is EVIL – raise its price, ban its ads

Elmer Phud
Pint

Re: Nanny can't fix it

No cigar -- since when did governments use named taxes to directly fund anything.

Even the darling of the right - Winston Churchill - stopped Road Tax being spent on roads

Governments know that those who term themselves as 'moderate drinkers' are likely to be at least psychologically addicted to the stuff as a societal prop-- it's just a guaranteed income from junkies.

( not a troll -- boozers only have 'habits' )

Canadian cyborg says Google Glass design is cracked

Elmer Phud

Seeing as my eyesight is so buggered that laser correction would still leave me wearing reading glasses and for driving - I don't expect to be an early adopter.

(very short sighted in one eye --- long sighted in the other -- laser surgery consultant didn't even try to go for a sale and agreed it wasn't worth it)

Tito's Mars mission to use HUMAN WASTE as radiation shield

Elmer Phud

Re: Sounds like the plot of many monster movies...

Won't somebody think of the bacteria?

Exposed to radiation it evolves in to a mobile slime entity that takes over the computers and . . .

Another bloody Bruce Willis film on the way.

New social network is for DEAD PEOPLE

Elmer Phud

Re: What's new

Nah, they've just re-labelled and re-sold Fiends Reunited.

BBC World Service in a jam as China blocks broadcasts

Elmer Phud

Re: Ahh China

one man*, one vote

*'man' does not include 'woman'

Climate scientists link global warming to extreme weather

Elmer Phud

Re: Cooling!

Erm ----- 'since records began'

Which, in terms of a planet, is not even a tiny, weeny, tiddly bit.

I always ask 'when, did there records begin' and the answer is usually around a hundred years ago.

Elmer Phud

Re: True story

It's already wobbly anyway.

Elmer Phud

Re: @goats in pajamas

""But I don't have to know an answer. I don't feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in the mysterious universe without having any purpose, which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell, possibly. It doesn't frighten me. "

Richard Feynman"

Elmer Phud

Re: This is the point.

"Changes in Earth's orbit altering the distribution of sunlight which triggered melting of ice sheets and emission of greenhouse gases which acted as a positive feedback on the warming."

Now and then the planet wobbles a bit and it messes up what's on the surface.

It's not exactly a stable system as it is, a geological roller-coaster ride.

India launch puts Canadian microsats into orbit

Elmer Phud

Re: Excellent

Ah, but our glorious bleeder has been out there to demonstrate that the money is needed as palm grease.

India to become a tax haven?

Boffin shows pics of germs grown on SPOTTY STUDENTS' MOBES

Elmer Phud
Alert

Re: I'm sad to say...

and if the keyboard is held upside down and shaken the snot and crumb monsters appear.

torn between 'no shit' and 'run for the hills' icon -- but I guess 'no shit' is incorrect.

Ancient lost continent discovered lounging on Mauritian beach

Elmer Phud
Alert

Snake oil on troubled waters

Cue the rush for books, posters, blogs, websites, DVD's etc.etc. about the 'REAL' Atlantis.

Best Buy takes axe to touchy Windows 8 PCs - lops $100 off price

Elmer Phud

W8 : So far, none of the above.

But I guess a lot of it is how much you have loads of 'apps' hanging about .

As most of my stuff runs off of 'Desktop' the sidebar isn't used a lot.

I like the poke/mouse/keyboard combination, I've come from XP to 8 -- many people now will be very familiar with the swipe and poke of mobes so it's just an extension of that now familiar interface.

There are occasional oddities when screen resolution changes with Desktop progs leaving corners that can't be poked anymore but so far no issues with the 'It won't run . . .' that gets reported.

Indexing is much better - no longer have to go for 'search' then put the kettle on while it dredges the depths.

Superb for running MagicQ lighting software which supports touch screen for their own products - no hassles, no unpleasant bending or stretching..

PSF warns on angry trademark attacks: Python coders, this is not our way

Elmer Phud
Happy

Re: Death threats and hactivism

It's O.K., have some popcorn

Happy birthday, LP: Can you believe it's only 65?

Elmer Phud

Re: Flash won? No, CDs overpriced.

"Buy a CD and rip it at your desired quality and you have a decent backup automatically"

Nah, not if the LP is in good nick-- I prefer a bit of dynamics rather than the usual 'loud as hell' CD mix.

John Sweeney: Why Church of Scientology's gravest threat is the 'net

Elmer Phud
Thumb Up

Yes, it's all clear now

MIT boffin teases space-station probe's DARK MATTER DISCOVERY

Elmer Phud

I'm feeliing old

I'm sure WIMP was how you navigated an Atari

Own a drone: Fine. But fly a drone with a cam: Year in the clink

Elmer Phud

Re: Tricky one

"Curtains?"

Nope - laser pointer

Elmer Phud

when is a drone not a drone?

" with many enthusiasts attaching cameras to their craft for the purpose of recording their flights, not to mention certain ball-ocket experiments and other high altitude boffinry."

"No officer, it's a re-entry vehicle with a guidance camera attached.

Yes, I know it's got LOHAN on the side"

Elmer Phud

Re: Or just....

"The devil finds work idle hands."

Difficult if you're flying the drone at the same time.

Crucial question after asteroid near-miss: How big was rock in Olympic pools?

Elmer Phud

Re: The SI unit for meteors is...

But it doesn't say which model of bus, how are we to cope with such inaccuracies?

Elmer Phud
Alert

Re: To further calms the nerves

" you are significantly more likely to be hurt crossing the street to get a coffee than any of us are being killed by a Russia-meteor-sized pile of space debris."

So you're saying that by more coffee shops opening up to avoid crossing roads it increases the chance of being struck by a lump from space?

The universe speaks: 'It's time to get off your rock!'

Elmer Phud

And look what happens when you combine the two -- we get ElRon!

Elmer Phud

Re: Considering the mess we've made of this planet...

"But I don't have to know an answer. I don't feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in the mysterious universe without having any purpose, which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell, possibly. It doesn't frighten me. "

Richard Feynman

(oddly enough Brian Cox paraphrased this recently - but it's allowed as Feynman is his hero)

Elmer Phud

Re: No, let's get snooty about faith.

Many within the church had a lot of moral problems to deal with as the more they discovered the more they questioned the existence of some form of deity or came to grief when the church found out.

Elmer Phud

Re: "The twin visitations from our solar system"

The third one was listed on the timetable but the usual glitch has just marked it as 'out of service' with the next one due a millennium after that.

We still know the third one is coming but not a clue when.

Elmer Phud

Re: Space Monkeys

"I would happily pay half my tax to get rid of a large proportion of the planet...

All the Z list celebs, all the work shy chavs, and most if not all politicians (from all parties).

We could build something like a space arc, tell them the planet is doomed, they can go in Ship C , ship A and B are still under construction and we'll catch you up..."

Hmm, sounds a bit like you may be there with the telephone sanitisers

Elmer Phud
Happy

Re: Call the sub-editor!

If we add in all the other 'eventualities' - untracked objects, massive tsunamis, Yellowstone park going pop, the old 'rapid magnetic pole shift', etc. etc. (even before the usual 'apocalyptic warnings' 'cos we are all heathens) it's what makes things interesting here. The more we learn about how the planet wobbles about the more it's a surprise we're still around in the first place.

Yeah, yeah, the sky is going to fall in, it's happened before -- maybe next time the planet will end up with an intelligent life-form, you never know.

Earth escapes asteroid flyby, boffins want lasers aimed at next one

Elmer Phud
Boffin

But it's one big fuck-off laser on the back of an even bigger space-going shark

Higgs hunt halts as CERN prepares LHC upgrades

Elmer Phud
Happy

Re: We should be told...

Ah, the old -- 'Level Two' joke

Elmer Phud

Re: We should be told...

The month before they turn it up too full we should be marketing aluminium foil hats.

(and creating the FUD to build the market)

Is social networking good for anything more than cat pics?

Elmer Phud

Re: Top 1% here, amazingly

" I took it to mean Linked in doesn't have much useful traffic"

I get plenty of emails apparently from people who want to add me to Linked in.

So, not much different from Facebook then -- unknown people who will try to push some sort of business my way.

Montana TV warns of ZOMBIE ATTACK in epic prank hack

Elmer Phud

Re: The government are VERY worried about zombies...

As long as we employ English zombies it's O.K..

And no Zombies with Hijabs or jeans and trainers!

Oh, they are already amongst us -- the mindless min-hordes of EDL 'supporters'