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* Posts by Elmer Phud

3156 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Paedophiles ‘disguise’ child abuse pages as legit websites

Elmer Phud
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Trollface

Re: couldn't agree more.

"Then find him not guilty in court so you can cut his filthy sicko balls off when he's got out of the pub after celebrating his acquital"

And don't forget to video it and post a link.

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Robotic surgeon successful in first prostate snip

Elmer Phud
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Happy

Re: I think I'd rather a robot went up my rectum

Asimo?

Why not Mr Psycho from Robot Wars?

Grapes peeled and crushed.

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Scammers exploit new Dr Who girl with Twitter smut video

Elmer Phud
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Pint

Re: Scammers Knows Their Mark

Well, when you consider that one of the more frequent comments on a new female assistant is

"Would I shag her?" I guess they are easy pickings and possibly deserve it.

( half a troll icon)

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So, what IS the worst film ever made?

Elmer Phud
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Marvin

With Alan Rickman doing a fairly poor Stephen Moore impression.

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Elmer Phud
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You mean you didn't laugh when Richard Gecko looked through the hole in his hand?

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Tourists follow GPS, drive into sea

Elmer Phud
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Re: I've said it before, and I'll say it again ...

Clarkson syndrome --

'I'm a great driver, fantastic, in fact. Yet when I'm asked to drive at no more than 50 mph on a motorway I bleat about having to watch the speedo all the time and I then claim it's dangerous.'

Odd how 'cruise control' never gets a mention.

Looking at a tiny screen is no substitute for looking out of a big screen now and then just to check you're still on the road'

TwatNav will be with us forever.

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Boffins build cyborg snails to generate electricity

Elmer Phud
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for want of a snail . . .

I'd suggest a single African snail for laptop power and maybe snail clusters for mobes.

But, as with batteries, do these snails get hot with use ?

Placed together in a pocket can they achieve critical mass?

If they do then also include some herbs, butter and garlic - the little mobe prodder will double up as a fork.

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Mobile phones cause ADHD in rodents

Elmer Phud
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Boffin

Breaking News!

Recent studies have discovered that newborn children are unable to text or play Angry Birds.

This is due to exposure to harmful wavicles from the phones being in handbags or pockets durung geststion of the child.

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Vendors smack Thunderbolt punters with massive pricing markup

Elmer Phud
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Re: Sounds like HDD manufacturers don't want thunderbolt to take off...

Dunno, looks like they are making the most of many 'early adopters' who really don't need that speed other than to boast how fast they can go.

Office and coffee shop willy waving?

Include the 'i' factor and that also ramps the price up.

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Russell Brand 'threw small voice-enabled iPad through window'

Elmer Phud
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Re: Disappointing

Isn't that more of an object (human) being ejected through a window (open or not) - as popularised by at least one ex- USSR country.

It's not mentioned whether the device survived the incident - if it did then Russ will need to get in quick to claim some of the upcoming advertising revenue.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: I think he can be quite funny at times

"Although he 's gone downhill a bit since he claims he's given up drugs & promiscuity"

I get the feeling that had something to do with his ex's rather interesting parents.

Anyway - who else thought that when Katy P said she was going to 'turn him to god' that the marriage only had a few weeks left?

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Thai Police shutter 5,000+ sites insulting royals

Elmer Phud
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yeah but . . .

In the US you can (as they do) slag off Obama for it raining/not raining, too hot/too cold etc. etc.

and still not end up in a jail sharing one hole in the ground with 50 others to squat over.

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EC researchers demo multi-gigabit fibre-to-the-home

Elmer Phud
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Boffin

Re: HD Videoconferencing?

Does any one remember 'tele cottaging' (no, you can't get done for it)

ADSL was to bring the end of big offices.

Ah, such memories.

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TalkTalk takes broadband to 80Mbps

Elmer Phud
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Re: I wouldnt go near Talk Talk

Mine's BT.

FTC (there's a pole over the road )

Works O.K.

Works rather well -but then just about everyone suffers from the evening Facebookers and gamers.

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Speedy 3D printer creates 285µm Formula-1 speedster

Elmer Phud
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Re: I just followed my own advice in my last comment.

Both of those objects look to me like they just need the rest of the snow-globe.

A practical use - customised snow globes.

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How a tiny leap-day miscalculation trashed Microsoft Azure

Elmer Phud
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Re: Excel

Excel used to have problems handling negative time - unless you changed to the date and time format used for Macs.

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if year > 2013 then PC != Personal Computer

Elmer Phud
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Cloud hoppers

So the 'recovery' company takes your data and bungs it on (hopefully) another cloud 'Well sir, it was advertised as a separate cloud but it had been remnamed by various re-sellers as they placed thier own value-added to the product".

The more it's spread ,the less secure it gets.

Sod it - just hide it in a movie file and torrent the thing - pick it up later by downloading the torrent.

It's been kept safe in thousands of homes across the planet.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: What a crock of shit.

"who's paying htese people to come up with this arse water?"

erm, cloud suppliers and brokers?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: PC 2.0

Everything gets smaller, comms get better, everyone has thier own IP address, loads and loads of redundant PC's at home -- the 'cloud gets smaller'.

You just have a 10TB mini-server at home and as most of the carrot for clouds is 'personal access and storage' (until phones and slabs get huge storage) then only thing you need for off-site is a daily or weekly dump.

I reckon that there is the 'panic now' sales pitch where the near future is not considered - or if it is then it's conveniently ignored. USB sticks are getting smaller and bigger at the same time.

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Thousands of Brits bombarded in caller spoofing riddle

Elmer Phud
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why?

Do you think it is original and witty?

Do you not think that they've heard it all before?

Do you feel much better after it - it doesn't stop the calls.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: 'helpdesk'

"Hallo Sir, this is Steve calling from Windows*. We've noticed you have a problem with your computer…"

How come I don't get them?

I've been waiting for so long to see how long I could keep one going for.

I feel left out.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Broken... ?

So how come I only get a call from some sort of 'claims company' about once a month?

The number is registered with TPS and I only get calls from abroad.

Also even more rare are the apparently random machine-generated phone calls .

TPS seems to work for me.

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Human 4G masts assemble roaming hobonet for pennies

Elmer Phud
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For a fee . . .

. . .I could get some more powerful kit in my bike panniers.

Arrange in advance for me turning up to act as a relay or hotspot for a small event where coverage is lacking.

(Overheard some people at Womad going on about how clean the air was and how the mobile coverage was surprisingly good - I then advised them that there were three huge mobile comms towers with generators in the next field. )

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Jupiter and Venus get cozy in revealing late-night display

Elmer Phud
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So close and yet so far . . .

"In reality, Venus is around 150 million kilometres (93 million miles) from Earth and Jupiter is more than 600 million kilometres (373 million miles) further off,"

So one of them is further away from the other than we are - now I know the Caner fanbois& girls are graping at I Ching straws but this really does take the gluten-free biscuit.

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Rub Facebook pals in your wealth with 'social' credit card

Elmer Phud
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"I am considerably skinter than yow"

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Cyber snoopers target NATO commander in Facebook attack

Elmer Phud
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Re: Perhaps we can help the poor Admiral

So, he'd need to do that for every 'social networking' site ?

Then there's the constant finger twitching on Twitter etc. etc.

Ain't just Facebook - Twitter is for those with a shorter attention span ;-)

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Flying Spaghetti Monster's works spotted in space

Elmer Phud
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Re: FSM

But we are all right, every time.

It the god-botherers that don't understand.

Feynman had it right by saying he didn't know it all but wasn't scared either.

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Elmer Phud
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"so his hobby is to always invite Jehovas Witnesses and proceed to confuse the crap out of them by countering every pre-cooked statement with actual bible quotes"

I keep 'em on the doorstep.

Yesterday they lasted half an hour before the escaped.

I was in a good mood, the happier I am the longer they get to stay - until they realise they have been tied in knots. (It's not my book so they ought to know it better and not just a few choice extracts)

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Elmer Phud
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May his meatbally goodness drench us in sauce.

NSFW?

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Elmer Phud
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Boffin

Re: You know something?

Cheese String Theory?

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Solar storm arrives, nobody notices

Elmer Phud
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Alien

I need a Witness

For once I actually chatted with the Witnesses that knocked yesterday.

They told me that there were 'signs' of the end.

I guess that seeing Mars is one of them. I told them that 'the end of the world' comes every few weeks, but it just depends on which fairy story you paid heed to.

"It's in the bible" 'which version?'

"It is written" 'By whom?'

"God" 'Which one?'

"There is only one" 'Really, tell that to the pantheistic religions'

"There are more eathquakes than ever before" ' Nope, there is better recording than ever before'

Is it the sunspots that bring them out?

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MYSTERY programming language found in Duqu

Elmer Phud
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Re: It's O B V I O U S.

Thetan eh?

The manuals must cost a forune - and in several volumes.

It's all Clear(tm) to me now.

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SUNKEN LINER Titanic iceberg riddle answer FOUND ON MOON

Elmer Phud
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Happy

'In astronomical terms, the odds of all these variables lining up in just the way they did were, well, astronomical.'

Actually it's a million to one chance - ask Mr Pratchett.

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Anonymous smacks Panda in revenge attack

Elmer Phud
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eggs - basket

"the hacking group LulzSec, part of Anonymous"

Beware script kiddies, you're next to be included.

Who's after that to join the enemies of freedom and decency?

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US sends factories to Asia, gets ozone in return

Elmer Phud
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Thumb Up

Morals

It's nothing special, it's just that the Industrial Revolution is now more globalised than localised.

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iPhone con man knifed to death in knock-off mobile brawl

Elmer Phud
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Re: should be more of this sort of thing

Erm, that'd be the T.V. version

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China's first MOON rover slated for 2013 launch

Elmer Phud
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Yeah but . . .

"It's still got some way to go to compete with the US, however, which has been exploring Mars for at least nine years."

And we'd still put money on the Chinese getting humans there first.

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iOnRoad Augmented Driving

Elmer Phud
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Meh

'Oh, it was the SatNav/Phones fault'

What ever hapened to driving?

Oh, it's the Clarkson Defence is it?

"With all these speed cameras and average speed sections and 20 mph zones you can't keep your eye off the instrument panel"

Funny, I don't have all those gadgets (not even TwatNav) but still I've never been pulled over by plod for a traffic offence.

Just who or what is in charge of the driving?

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Brits trapped in confusing council website labyrinths - survey

Elmer Phud
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Unhappy

Re: Damned if they do ...

Try 'www.barnet.gov.uk' and see if you don't find the prospect of hitting yourself with a hammer as a far more worthy way to spend your time.

Had a chat with a firm that did some work for them who were hamstrung by the borough's people not knowing anything at all about websites and it all being down to minimum spend with little content.

Easy council - low-spend.

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Risky child-support plans rely too much on new IT system – NAO

Elmer Phud
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WTF?

Re: I can see this going bad.

Not exactly thinking of the children there are we?

I suspect you already have a Batman costume.

Please explain the 'unreasonable demands' and the 'rise in suicide rates', thank you.

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Neat nanoparticles could bring 10TB disks

Elmer Phud
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Boffin

Always beleive in your soul etc.

I'm not sure they plan to make the discs out of solid gold.

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Ancient Iceman murder victim was lactose-intolerant, sickly

Elmer Phud
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Coat

Re: now look

I think I have a genetic trait shared with Oetzi - no, I'm not lactose intolerant but I think I might be pointy implement intolerant. Not entirely certain that an epi-pen would help.

I love cow juice (not bull juice)

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Virgin Galactic announces test flight plans

Elmer Phud
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FAIL

Saviour

This is coming from 'Sir Richard ' champion of green energy' Branson -right?

Spunk a load of fuel out for a little joyride for those who can afford the waste - meh!

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Younger generation taking 'sledgehammer' to security

Elmer Phud
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Childcatcher

Re: "Most 21 year olds I know can't form a coherent sentance..."

"no. 1, really? Most 21 year olds I know can't form a coherent sentance let alone do anything useful with a server, and that's just the computer science and IT Forensic students."

No worries mate - a couple of sites are down because of interest in the Pi thingy - those 21 year olds will be surpassed by spotty 15 year olds (no one-remembers how Codemasters started?)

All your data belong to us - 'coherent sentances' (sic) are not required, just coherent code.

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Samsung punts smartphone with built-in projector

Elmer Phud
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Re: Imagine the kids

That was one of the first things I thought of but how long do you expect the battery to last?

And you still need another device to record the effects of the projection.

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Brits guard Facebook passwords more than work logins – survey

Elmer Phud
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Happy

Re: And the reason why people care more about FB passwords than work ones...

Nope, not 'hacked' but 'fraped'

Finding that you have been broadcasting 'I love cock!' is by far more important that the prospect of being hacked.

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Grid Lens

Elmer Phud
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Trollface

Re: Re: Errrrm...

I've got a van that blasts out dubstep - not sure about cool status.

Better a decent sound system than rattling windows and doors.

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GPS jamming rife, could PARALYSE Blighty, say usual suspects

Elmer Phud
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Boffin

Flat Earth Society?

There may be a few lumps for the sound to negotiate on the way.

A few echos here and there plus some valleys to do some mixing.

For a true British solution there should be a friendly copper within hailing distance who would politeley inform you of your whereabouts and if there are any ruffians in the area.

In busy areas such as cities poor and dishevelled but somehow spotlessly clean and unbearably cheerful urchins will be installed.

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Cameras roll on 'blockbuster' new Who series

Elmer Phud
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Thumb Up

Milligan

"Put him in the curry!"

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Proview wins new Chinese IPAD ruling as Apple threatens to sue

Elmer Phud
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Re: Apple fanbois worried clearly.

"could be merely exploiting the situation for financial gain to the tune of $2bn "

'Shits and giggles'

'for the Lulz'

etc.

And why not

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