* Posts by Elmer Phud

3557 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Synths of the father: Making some noise at NAMM 2015

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

But I'm skint!

Not having the space or funds for somemore wonderful noise makers I've been using VST's of Odyssey, Wasp, Prophet and a superb Mini-Moog amongst others.

Many VST's of the older synths include patchbays but it's not quite the same as physically messing about with leads.

1
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Electronic instruments

For a minute there I was thinking of a different Doctor and synths:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-H_o6ncUz3g

1
0

Whee! BT preps for FIVE HUNDRED MEGABIT broadband trial

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: If....

If BT were allowed to use the ducts on MY side of the road I wouldn't need FTTC then O/H on copper.

Fair do's - we've had one way LLU - how about it?

1
0

Wham, bam... premium rate scam: Grindr users hit with fun-killing charges

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

The iOS version

Ah yes, the 'safe option', the fanbois mantra.

IAnything -- pwnd from the start

0
6

A docket, tweet and selfie can reveal your identity, boffins find

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Stop the "big data scare" sensationalism.

"But that is precisely the issue here, AC. The method as described in the report (not this article, description is pretty poor here) shows how using various "correctly" anonymised sources an actor can simply de-anonymise those anonymous behaviours."

Yup, despite me having three seperate 'identities' across the web it's no real big deal to dig in to FB data and find out who I really am (despite FB constantly asking for 'real' details).

A little bit of work should cross-reference posts and messages, digging in to other's accounts would fine-tune my data.

FB keeps asking for my mobile number - despite me putting it in messages where 'my mobile no.' precedes it. A little bot/bit (?) of a tweak ought to have a box coming up with 'is this your mobile'.

I do use cash a lot of the time -- Only use 'loyalty' cards when using plastic, don't have a regular payment pattern -- like cash for up to an amount and card after.

Paying for fuel by cash saves so much farting about - just bung cash on the counter and go 'Thirty quid, pump seven' and bugger off.

(O.K. the 'pump security CCTV will register the number plate and time which will provide a link but not a card trail)

0
0

OH HAPPY DAY! Lawyers replaced by AI

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

AI far more effective . . .

. . . at finding ways of adding 'value' by firing off emails with 'read recipt' on them -- open it and you get charged, no need to read it.

0
0

We take bots down, but they get up again – you're never going to keep them down

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Mission Blindness Extraordinarily Renders the Enemy Without

The Davos mob have been too busy discussing how to deal with Climate Change and if this is the last time they will get away with arriving using 1700 private planes.

They have minions to keep thier own Very Private Network up and running.

It'd be interesting to see thier downloads.

0
0

Mozilla dusts off old servers, lights up Tor relays

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Ansible?

Oh great, now I feel really old.

5
0

Trans-Pacific trade treaty close to signoff says USA

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Hmm, before the May elections?

0
0

Virtual Vulture 2 swoops into Spaceport America

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Real-life testing?

" no guts no glory and all that."

Your stay over the pond has already affected you.

It's 'shit or bust', none of that 'glory' rubbish, thank you.

4
0

Sleepy Ofcom glances at Internet of Things, rolls over, takes nap

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

School report

They've got to put one together to ensure the continuaton of employment.

Chuck a load of generic tosh together and publish.

Sorted for another year!

0
0

Excitement in boffinry circles as GIGANTIC ALIEN RING BLOTS OUT SUN

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: if our world was ground up small and put into orbit

I lurve Bill Nighy's work on the fijords.

2
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Er....

You wouldn't want to get too close to your subject.

It has a high gravitational pull which is howit seems to keep getting bigger and bigger.

The hope is that it will collapse soon and draw in all the fawners, 'journalists', TV intervewers etc.etc. and eventually disappear up its own wormhole.

0
0

FUMBLE! NFL app drops privacy ball just before Super Bowl Sunday

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: <facepalm>

This is exactly the model the hapless current U.K. government beleive in.

Apps are supposed to be the new big thing, schoolkids flooded with the idea that the next 14yr old multi-millionaire will come from apps.

It's bollocks - we've had 'everyone has to have an internet site' and 'everyone has to have a blog' and now 'everyone has to be writing apps'.

Sieve-ware -- never mind the quality, doesn't it look wonderful!

FFS!

0
0

Cash'n'Carrion January sale: Get in there while you can

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Could do with a new 419 t-shirt but I got that years ago

0
0

Humanity can defeat SkyNet with BOOKS, says IT think tank

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Michael Marshal Smith

toasters that talk, an alarm clock that follows you everywhere, sympathising with 'white goods' as no-one else really recognises thier worth (and thus getting the fridge to rat on other devices)

Smith turns it in to everyday stuff, not 'shock horror' - I guess it's further down the line than a lot of stuff as the chatting between meat and machine is commonplace.

Machines may have differing ethics than meat - but which is more 'human'?

0
0

Uber isn't limited by the taxi market: It's limited by the Electronic Thumb market

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Bar? humbug

'Bar' is a well established specific weight for measuring amounts/ and sale of illicit (in this manor) smokable substances - not defined being peculiar to solid or vegetative vareties.

Apparently

0
0

Sly peers attempt to thrust hated Snoopers' Charter into counter-terror and security bill

Elmer Phud
Silver badge
Mushroom

Dear Mr Cameron

I am far more afraid of what you buggers might get up to than I am of terroists.

I fart in your general direction!

57
2

ATTACK of the FLYING MOUNTAIN: 2004 BL86 goes by like a BULLET

Elmer Phud
Silver badge
Mushroom

"Thankfully, there's no danger of that."

We all gonna DIE!!!!!!

0
0

SURPRISE! Microsoft pops open Windows 10 Preview build early

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Read privacy statement

"Cured me of any temptation towards tablet procurment in any way connected with Win8/10."

Ah well, back to iDevices then -- the things you only borrrow.

3
0

‘Whatever happened to Vladimir Putin?’ and other crap New Year prophesies

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Coughs and Sneezes

". Apparently teachers will get kids to make use of their own smartphones and tablets in the classroom. Oh lordy, as if it’s not bad enough now with the little buggers running out of ink and blunting pencils, in 2015 they’ll be claiming that they need to borrow a recharger every two fucking seconds. "

That will be a minor thing to worry about -- as they turn on their collection of devices (from the latest iWotever to the unbadged slab from eBay), the first thing the server will do is scan for nasties. By the time things have been cured, fixed, archived and some devices just plain blocked, it will be time to go home.

3
0

Prez Obama snubs UK PM's tough anti-encryption crusade at White House meet

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Encryption?

Why the fuck would Obama be interested in Cameron's proposal?

It's not as if NSA doesn't have plenty of our data to play with already, especially with GCHQ being so accommodating.

Or just maybe the US prez doesn't really see Cameron being around to deliver anyway and can't give a toss until the next supplicant arrives at his feet.

4
0

Elon Musk: Wanna see a multimillion-dollar rocket EXPLODE? WATCH THIS

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

WaterWorld

The idea of floating platforms like this isn't new - sort out the rock'n'roll and tow the thing anywhere.

What with Google and their waterborne server farm (or whatever it is/was) it seems that some people are looking ahead as regards the rise in sea level.

Mr Costner will have to re-do the movie - we will still have sharks with frikkin' lasers!

1
0

BMW: ADMEN have asked us for YOUR connected car DATA

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Special relationship

Nice to be in the EU but will the desperation to go with TTIP be too much of a carrot?

'You can do big trade with us as long as we get ALL your data'

At least BMW are being cautious, whether it's down to their own altruistic decison or EU laws - I dunno.

0
0

'F*** you', exclaims Google Translate app, politely

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

New Rose?

Damned fine song, Sir!

6
0

PlayStation-processor-powered plutonium probe prepares Pluto pics

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Speedy Snaps

"NASA estimates it will take at least nine months to download all the data and imagery collected from Pluto."

This sort of info should be repeated until the 'Where's the pictures?' moans have stopped -- the moans that start as soon as we get contact with a craft after years of travel.

( I am surprised that I've yet to see a comment about comparisons of mobile companies and speeds)

1
0

Android users are massive wan … er … smut consumers

Elmer Phud
Silver badge
Coat

This could go onan onan on

"iOS at 40.2 per cent and Windows at 2.6 per cent."

Can this really mean that ifanbois are bigger wankers than M$ lusers?

3
1

Hawking and friends: Artificial Intelligence 'must do what we want it to do'

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Real Life is Beta in the Movies ...... and coming soon to a theatre near you .....

We have few real benefactors - plenty of faux benefactors who also tend to be somehow involved in the very same Pozi schemes that led to the attempted navigation of a small inlet in a rather familiar suspect vessel with no means of propulsion or control.

"How do you know he's the king? "

0
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

In which case the AI may well decide it is the pure essence of what it was created to do and declare itself God..

There are no 'good' or 'bad' Gods, just Gods.

0
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Simple

What is 'evil'?

You would need to define some sort of morality first to be able to have 'good' or there is no 'evil'.

However, if you give the thing 'intelligence' it may decide that your 'evil' is not on the same lines as its own.

0
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: motivation

" My toaster does not (and never will have) the ability to remotely control my car."

Sez you!

0
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

"Captialists will invest in IA to replace workers."

I blame the Jaquard loom.

4
0

My best bud is a billionaire: Peter Thiel jumps into bed with dope upstarts

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: >empowering consumers worldwide

How does that work?

I though the idea was to bring it in from the grey areas to where the audit trail is visible.

1
0

THREE MILLION Moonpig accounts exposed by flaw

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Depends

Depends on whether you go the whole hog and give them all your details or not.

(similar to people moaning about FB when they have added thier entire life story to personal info.)

2
16

Cheap Android phones? Bah! How about a $29 mobe from Microsoft?

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: They're called feature phones

Got more features than my current el-cheapo Nokia.

It even has a crap camera, a browser and a music player.

0
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Perfect second phone for music festivals and similar

Some of us don't need to take a device capable of recording at HD and paying more attention to the device than the bands we've spent an arm and a leg to see.

Some of us just want a basic device.

Some of us are not posers.

17
0

Healthcare: Look anywhere you like for answers, just not the US

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Heathcare?

When it is a model purely to sell yet another form of insurance, other than a hearty bank account where does 'health' come in to it?

2
0

Want to shoot FIREBALLS from your wrists, SPIDER-MAN style?

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

One Off The Wrist.

A headline left on the shelf.

Sub eds on Xmas break still?

2
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: I said, "Get your CAR OUT of the BIKE LANE!"

When I were a lad we could buy 'mini rockets' which came in a pack of 5 or 6 and included a slow match sort of thing.

Place mini-rocket in end of handlebars (no kids bike has end stoppers), ride bike, fire rockets sideways.

Never got round to mounted Roman Candle or 'air bomb' battles', no idea why not.

(Not that I'd recommend any such foolish and dangerous things these days, oh, no.)

3
0

In the Year of Our Bong, 2015

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Without the internet...

This clearly relates to the God question.

Was there a need for God before God?

Can we therefore agree that God and Porn are both closely linked as they ask the same thing.

(They are also closely linked in the way that Nuns are often found to be nubile and with clothes that fall off)

1
1
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Minute of Code

" a great opportunity to test my new education startup investments, particularly my "Minute of Code" initiative."

Is this to enhance or replace the 'christianity-based asssemblies'?

Mr Gove -- for it is his hand still firmly on the tiller - and other Cabinet Ministers have extolled the virtues of coding for the under fives and full apps enterprises for KS2, with a total MLF life-stye course at the age of 12. The MLF course will demonstrate how to wring milions out of governments, get an honhour and STILL lose a fortune.

I look forward to being evicted in 2015 by a spotty youth who has made billions while merely being driven to school and now owns my town.

Progress - ever onward.

Bong! Enterprises -- at the heart of enterprise funding (tax deductable and tax exempt - at the same time).

3
0

1,000mph ROCKET CAR project dogged by beancounters

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Common Sense Prevails

A fully armed Euro fighter?

Who's gonna argue?

10
0

UK.gov: Sod SIGINT, let's turn GCHQ into a TECH CRECHE

Elmer Phud
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

"tech entrepreneurs"

GCHQ, modelled on Israeli idea.

New Stuxnet?

2
0

Fill 'er up: 'Leccy car firm Tesla brings back PUMP SERVICE

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: I'm not convinced

But it's not as if it's heartless once finished --

" it switches itself off, locks the doors and folds the mirrors"

and I'm sure it would make you a cuppa and light you a ciggie, too.

4
0

European data law: UK.gov TRASHES 'unambiguous consent' plans

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

what poll?

conducted by which firm?

what were the questions?

where's the data?

9
0

Bong Ventures will NEVER bow down to terrorism: Our Tough Stance in FULL

Elmer Phud
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Thank you Bong!

I am so grateful to Bong Ventures for kindly having remotely equipped my computer with the facility to remove offending material on my computer as they see fit.

I had no idea that so much of the products supplied by Bong (and others) are now considered to be unfit for me to have in my posession.

That a company is so reviled I just cannot fathom.

A 'big thumbs' up from me!

8
0

Buses? PAH. Begone with your filthy peasant-wagons

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Check your facts.

Yet these 'subsidies' go to private companies - who cannot make a private profit without public money.

1
3
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: Use Broadband, not the bus !

Nice try but they tend to flog off the site on a promise to build 'a substantial proportion of affordable housing' which either doesn't happen or is drastically reduced.

And in London there will be a big poster on the site saying 'Mayor of London' as if the Holy Floppy-Haired Twat even knows about the place.

9
1

Careful - your helmet might get squashed by a VOLVO

Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Helmet protection

Hmm, considering most bike helmets are not designed for impact over about 12 mph and Volovo's tend to be heavy and go at more than 12mph while a pair of eyes are just visible over the dashboard -- what's the bloody point?

3
0
Elmer Phud
Silver badge

Re: volvo approaching

"deploy caltrops"

Easy enough:

Offside pannier with small flap.

Or rows of them on top of the rack.

Often considered when being screamed at by White van occupants and school run jockeys in bus lane.

1
0

Forums