Posts by Elmer Phud
2464 posts • joined Monday 3rd March 2008 13:52 GMT
Page:
Re: Call for Ponder Stibbons
And there are people wondering where all the bees are.
They are working on the replacement of the replacement of Deep Thought.
Feed them
" for reasons no one fully understands, they swarm into machines and chew away at the wires. Once an ant is electrocuted, it releases a signal calling other ants to help it, which can quickly result in a ball of dead ants inside a circuit, with thousands of ants cramming in"
Another use for old machines. Combined with a bug-zapper inside, just replace when full.
(do they prefer 60hz or something?)
Re: Out lawing porn
"They really need to go and read the story of "King Canute"."
Which one?
The real on or the bogus tabloid version?
Re: Hmm
"It's 16 years since Britain's last Eurovision win with Katrina and the Waves in 1997 and 16 years before that that Cheryl Baker and Jay Ashton opened El Tell's eyes by having their skirts whipped off on stage at The Hague. Statistically speaking, this should be our year."
There's a possibility that the U.K. may win this year or next -- though if they are the usual shite then it may take a bit longer.
The perfect gift . . .
. . . for a fitness and food fanatic.
"This water is so pure it comes from a source that is older than humans"
"Hidden from you for over a million years, we exclusively bring you (insert ridiculous name here) at only £2000 a 500ml bottle"
"Drink the history of the planet"
[tm registered to Coca Cola]
Re: Dark Ages diet
""Weak beer" Yeah, but they drank it _all_ the time..."
They had to - it was safer than drinking water .
But there were different beers as well - they didn't all resemble an earlier version of Fosters.
(yes, there are many other beers but I can't think of any 'traditional' beers that match the 'quality' of Fosters -- I'm omitting anything like Tesco Value tinned water)
Re: Solution
" This is Capitalism after all"
It is indeed, there is nothing new about large companies having the ear of the government.
It's how we built the Empire and it drives the eagerness to sell arms and ammunition and road schemes and the like.
Whatever next, people moaning about how it all changed from manufacturing to service industries?
But then, they bought the privatisation scams and being all puffed up at being called 'stakeholders'.
And the odd notion that 'growth' is somehow infinite on a relatively small planet.
Re: Desire for a brand new combine harvester
"Ere, darlin' -- I've got a massive Ferguson"
"I used one of those caps in my radio and now all I get is reggae."
All I get is the Doobie Brothers, Little Feat's 'Willin' and heavy Dub.
If they make one from sulph all you'd get is Motorhead.
Write or rong?
I have troubles physically using a pen.
Bits of me just don't seem to work in the way they ought to and I had an awful time at school because of it.
It took discussion groups at work 20 years later for me to realise I had 'language' simply because it was the first time I was in a position to be able to use words without going through the distracting struggle of the physicality of writing. I won't get past the two- finger typing' but at least I no longer have to believe the notion that I was 'Thick' simply because I had motor problems.
Re: Yes, that will work well.
" begins to associate urination with love"
I also pity the kids who have been subjected to a 'musical potty' .
The reaction to hearing your 'favourite tune' may be a tad embarrassing.
As if
"The application will also monitor how many diapers the baby is getting through, and has a sales mechanism for ordering more. "
Ah, the real reason.
Now, I thought that nappies/diapers were made with moisture -retaining gels that (so we are told) last for ages -- even right through the night.
Are we now to think that the advertising is just a load of guff (though it has to be passed as being vaguely honest) and that we ought to rely on something resembling the 'detectors' used by companies trying to flog
unwarranted damp-proofing?
Or will the fickle public still not understand that the 'app' (with hardware) is not something new and mysterious and all-seeing but just another lump of code designed to work on some sort of guilt complex instilled/installed by the manufacturers.
(one of my kids had Enuresis until early teens -- if I believed the crap from K-C I'd be so guilty by now I'd have topped meself out of shame of being a 'bad parent')
£D printers?
Whether it's possible to make a gun that actually does the job instead of being worse than an ol-time Western pistol or not, there will be a rush for the printers now.
Anyway, as suggested in the article (and by an old mate who used to teach various martial arts, half a brick at ten paces usually wins - especially if it's followed up with a kick in the nuts.
Re: and motogp
" But now the B**T**** have got MotoGP too."
What?!
Now I'm miffed.
Re: HOW DARE YOU!
"When I were a lad, we had to hand-punch our programs with an arrow head on a piece of buffalo hide."
You had arrow heads?
We had to wait until one of granny's teeth fell out and sharpen it on a rock.
Granpa had been out in the sun all his life so we didn't need to hunt for buffalo.
Hmm . . .
. . . it's all just pants!
Feeling Old
How long ago was it that you could have bugs crawling around your screen munching their way through to the wallpaper?
Or the Matrix screen meltdown?
Ah well, what goes around . . .
Posted in TARDIS materialises in Sydney
Re: " ... Dr Who homewares, a range of crockery and other kitchen kit."
"That's it. It's jumped the flying shark."
plus the shark has a frikkin' laser strapped to its head.
A Tom Baker moment?
"Aaaargh, ye've got a woman's beard"
Re: If more proof were needed...
"That the political class has even less understanding of the Internet than the general public, this has to be it."
Oh, come off it -- they have Martha Lane Fox on board , an expert on all things internet.
improvements required
I'm very much a 'right-click and see what it's got' user but W8 seems to have a reluctance to pop up a right-click menu.
I rarely used drag and drop on the recycle bin to delete but it's now quicker than waiting for the right-click menu to arrive (no, I need the other hand for a mug of tea)
"Once you've installed a start menu replacement, fixed the file extensions, fixed the font sizes, fixed the explorer, defaulted the task manager to advanced, etc, etc, it genuinely is a rival for Windows 7. It's just you really have to work at it."
Isn't that the way with most new things - in order to make sense of them you try to relate to the earlier product.
Saying that , I keep meaning to bung on a 'start menu' thingy to see if it is any easier or if I've got used to desktop/tiles really quickly. It's certainly meant me going back to using hot keys more than before which sort of makes things easier.
Re: Questions to ask objectors
"Do you own a mobile phone? 99.9% ob objectors will probably own a modern smartphone, in which case the followup question is: How do you expect to use it?"
At a WOMAD festival a while back and overheard people going on about how 'natural' it was and how they had good coverage on phones .
I pointed out the three large generator/aerial trucks behind some trees - especially the '24 hour operation of the gennies to ensure that messages about the 'wonderful natural atmosphere' get through ---
--- or the two-faced twats would moan like hell.
Posted in FTTN cabinet survives Kiwi car crash
Worker
"New Zealand's National Business Review now reports that the cabinet kept working for hours after the incident"
Until the men turned up to fix things now we've not had a peep out of it.
Anything new going on?
So, it's W8 SP1
Was that not to be expected?
Is it a surprise to some?
Apart from people needing their arses wiped as they are unable to use a slightly different UI is there a problem?
I wonder how many complainants actually use W8 or even any W at all.
( Sod it, let's all go back to the old Xerox UI)
An old joke
. . . stop throwing sand in his eyes, Missus
Re: Perhaps
Sound more like a Red Bull junkie.
Re: Here be a FLAME
""he/she " - that should be just "he" -"
So, why not just 'they' --- and don't come the 'Latin roots' bollocks.
Why do YOU need to assign gender to everything?
They -- is people, humans, not gender based - they is us.
sell by/best before etc.etc.
"Sell-by and use-by dates on a lot of things can be safely ignored for anything from a week up to a month depending."
Got some rather tasty Indian veg dishes in vacuum packs.
They were being chucked out of a cash'n'carry as the date on them is Dec 2012.
Squash drinks -- Jan 2013
cans of stuff-- go back years.
They never tell you which ingredient is likely to possibly, maybe, perhaps come towards the end of it's best condition even though the product is not going to kill you, it might just taste slightly different or oils might begin to separate.
Also, many people look at BB or BBEO dates and chuck stuff out --
Someone brought round a huge pack of bacon the other day "I was doing catering at the weekend - last minute job, bastards didn't tell me it was mainly veggie!"
Today it gets split up and put in the freezer.
A Jeff Noon moment
Blurbflies are born.
Minimoog, Yamaha CS-80
Got both of them as free VSTs
The Minimoog is wonderful
Users
There have been discussions elsewhere between prospective users of the system.
Staff don't know how to use it,
For some people it could take a long time to find info they need but were not made aware of and that leads to time-outs - one wonders where it's actually timed out.
There is no 'save current position' so it's start again.
Many people the system is aimed at cannot use it, either through a disability with using a keyboard or, better still, those who are visually impaired are unable to use either of a pair of popular screen-readers.
Is this another bloody ATOS stitch up?
If you can use the system then you are disqualified anyway.
Re: Yes they do
We have a nice French Madam to attend to him.
Wii there be . . .
. . . an assistant called 'Penfold'
Re: Made me smile
"Thanks, mine has the book of double entendres.."
I've got a pair . . .
Re: Facepalm or Smile ?
Cue the 'they are teaching hacking in Primary schools!' headlines.
Posted in BT unleashes SIP licensing troll army
Re: How does this work?
"pedants hang out right?"
I tend to hang to the left -- was a comma missed somewhere?
Re: We'll soon see...
You mean promoted by a megalomaniac with dodgy hair cut who is bent on world domination?
Seemingly stinking rich and provides services for a small but well-fed group of people while ordinary mortals starve?
Re: Yay!
" What if they reach space, turn left suddenly and fly into the moon?"
They could do something useful with it and get busy with a dustpan and brush.
Re: Rave on!
OUCH!!!
Time to go foraging?
No, not a typo for searching for Group Captain Nigel, but time to look for the free stuff.
Also not sure that shoplifting is allowed as part of the overall scheme but it's certainly one way to make the money go further.
Re: It's really called
Will this naming end up in a spiral that ends up with an X'upmyown'Box?
Posted in Ten ancestors of the netbook
Re: Zenith Minisport
That reminds me -- my current lappy bag used to be for an ancient Zenith 'laptop' (with a huge 'horseshoe' battery). Its older function was a network diagnostics toolbox.
None of yer modern x86 rubbish - full-blown XT.
Fine for mail but ASCII porn only.
Ol' Red?
And there was me thinking that it was a cosy bunch of bankers and industrialists.
You've just gotta love those CAPS
Posted in Crims take to Facebook to flog ZeuS kits
but a cat can look at a King
" as witnessed by the possible 12-year jail term facing a hacker who defaced the president's web site"
That case sounded more like one of those nasty little laws where it is forbidden to mock the Monarch - no matter how much of a right bastard they are.
In some countries you can get way with all sorts of nasty behaviour but look at the Monarch slightly the wrong way and it's off to the house with rubber hoses, car batteries and some deep massage therapy with sticks.
Posted in Crims take to Facebook to flog ZeuS kits
Spam, what spam?
Not tightened up your Facebook or still using IE?
"But there would be fewer song birds."
and more 'stink-pods' to clear up.
Mind you, I'm sure I could make money from both a 'cat-apult' (bit of old bike innertube used with small objects to dissuade moggies from laying eggs) and a selection of the 'KatKevlar' range of protective jackets to shield the fur balls from humans lobbing projectiles.
Re: Sense - this stunt makes none
" This appears to be the work of someone who doesn't really understand the mechanics of humour."
To simple to appreciate not only the cat but the rainbow bit?
Hmm, I call 'bollocks'
Re: Outstanding
"I don't think that Virgin did actually know why the bill wasn't paid"
There's a 'dead person' identifier on the letter, in which case Virgin's systems ought to have recognised it and passed it to a human to deal with. Unless, that is, they don't have any humans doing humane stuff.
