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* Posts by Elmer Phud

3158 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Yorkshire cops fail to grasp principle behind BT Fon Wi-Fi network

Elmer Phud
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Re: untold story

" a pikey neighbour"

Pikey? Really?

This is obviously an upstanding citizen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, a defender of all that is Right and Proper. A Commander of Common Sense and Decency.

He will keep these shores free from all these dastardly Romanians who will shoot our wimmin folk and rape our dogs.

A twat!

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Elmer Phud
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Re: I have to defend the police here...

"You have to question why said "busybody" complained to the police,"

Easy -- 'cos it's a Kipper who sees terrorists and muggers and thugs peeking out behind flowerpots.

Personally, I'd pay him a visit to see what illegal matertial he has stashed away.

( an empty volume of the Thoughts of Nick Griffin?)

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You! Pirate! Stop pirating, or we shall admonish you politely. Repeatedly, if necessary

Elmer Phud
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Re: Eek!

ukkin' spolier!

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Child diagnosed as allergic to iPad

Elmer Phud
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Applephilia

Much as I like many Apple products I don't have any.

It started out with a dislike for the way that iTunes not only 'has' to rummage through everything but that it also seems to phone home once every 15 minutes on the off-chance that there might be

another udate or advert available.

From there it was noticing that one one Apple device is bought then the rot sets in and it's not possible to live without more of the buggers.

(I'd still have them if they were given away - my pockets are not deep and I'm not that anal to refuse)

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Elmer Phud
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WTF?

Twitter and Bisted

"Now the world is moving on and job specs are shrinking further as IT infrastructure moves to the cloud, food for the bitter is getting squeezed out of the near empty toothpaste tube in the form of The Register articles."

W

T

F

?

?

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BitTorrent not to blame for movie revenues, says economist

Elmer Phud
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Value for money

Considering the cost of making a movie that is 'Episode seven' or 'Big Tough Bloke 5' then I guess that many people realise that the constant re-hashing of simple themes and then releasing what amounts to a poor follow up (ups) come a very poor second to the huge budget non- movie series.

The popularity of made for telly/net progs like Games of Thrones (no, I haven't - I read all Martin;s Space Opera stuff years ago and can't see anything really any different this time) ties audiences in to a regular spend and the ability to watch whenever and wherever they like.

Given the choice of a local sweatbox (or freezer) with leaky sound and dickheads with phones as opposed to getting some beers in and skinning up a couple in readiness, folks will prefer to stay at home (or visit a mate) and watch on a big screen with a good sound system instead.

There are many movies that are 'BIG' visual productions but they easily lose thier attraction after the fourth huge orange explosion accompanied with CGI debris that comes right at you.

Me, I'm about to spend out on the South Park game which will last a lot longer than 1:45 for not much more of an outlay.

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SpaceX FINALLY lobs six sats into orbit (don't mention the landing)

Elmer Phud
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"lost hull integrity"

Why not just say 'it sunk'?

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Beer in SPAAAACE! London Pride soars to 28,000m

Elmer Phud
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Pint

Re: Waste of a good pint if you ask me

Water is quite a pleasant beer - had some a while back in Derbyshire.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Legonaut!?!?

Or concerned about the possible saving of weight?

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Insecure AVG search tool shoved down users' throats, says US CERT

Elmer Phud
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Re: @Stuart Longland

"The problem is that you seem to want something for free when it actually costs something to build."

So we are supposed to pay for those little things that enable us to use thier products - little things that they give away for free? (and tell the world we can't exist without them)

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Doctor Who season eight scripts leak online

Elmer Phud
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Luvverly

Can't wait to see the traffic on Facebook and Twitter where pointless threats will be whined out in public.

If folks can't hep themselves from moaning like hell and also doing thier best to search out the scripts . . .

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Comet-chasing Rosetta spies SWEATY prey

Elmer Phud
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Re: Does this mean....

" we actually flew past gallons on the way in!!"

Don't count your space chickens -- these may be U.S. gallons.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Re Bootnote

"the equivalent of two small glasses"

Hmm, need a standard for 'small glass'.

Shot glass?

Reused Nutella jar?

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New Russian law punishes online 'extremism'

Elmer Phud
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"Traditional Values"

That was enough for me, says it all.

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Saddle up for the Tour de Firmware

Elmer Phud
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Re: Frame

"As for gears has anyone tried modernising the old Sturmey Archer system with an electronic changer"

Shimano did a three speed auto jobbie some time back - saw it on a heavy-duty trade bike.

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Elmer Phud
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Facepalm

Re: Missed some

" Although not first prize as you didn't mention lycra."

Or pavements --- major fail

gets facepalm icon

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Missed some

"An airhorn doesn't shift some numpties who utterly ignore bells. Trust me, I've tried!"

Yup, even the fully-pumped wide-open Air Zounds is somehow 'ignored' at times.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: What a waste . . .

"Indeed, all this talk of carbon fibre and titanium for a 5% improvement is nuts. Far better to put your money into silver solder and a 60's Celestion Blue or a set of Fanes."

Absolute rubbish!

A decent ride cymbal that cuts like a guillotine through the rest of the noise that guitarists make is what you need!

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Retiring Reg hack explains how bass playing = tech reporting

Elmer Phud
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And that's why they are called 'Jazz cigarettes'

(well, apart from the old racist overtones, that is)

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Elmer Phud
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WTF?

"Peavey? Dude . . ."

Yes, quite - Peavey?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Bass Players, Blues and writing

"with all this electronic drum & Bass crap we are subject to these days. "

I have more years than you but it seems I am less old than you.

(aged gray and balding drummer - loves Dubstep)

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Devs: Fancy a job teaching Siri to speak the Queen's English?

Elmer Phud
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which Queen's English?

As Her Brendaness lives in London the Siri ought to be able to understand the local lingo.

Oi, wotthefak are you up to, you carnt?

Leaveit aaht fakkinmuppitt!

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Kickstarter unplugs iFind miracle battery-free locator

Elmer Phud
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Won't get fooled again?

9771 who don't understand that energy just ain't free.

Maybe it's time for a new Startup site for those greedy fools who don't look first.

South Sea Baubles?

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UK.gov: Forget Google and those other chaps... Use THIS open Internet of Stuff specification

Elmer Phud
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What is it?

""HyperCat does not solve every possible IoT interoperability problem by design, it's a very thin layer. All it does is solve the discovery problem," "

It's a search engine?

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Google Nest slurps your life into the Matrix? The TRUTH

Elmer Phud
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Share and Enjoy

Go stick your head in a pig

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SEA hacks Reuters website widget DESPITE 2FA security

Elmer Phud
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Re: Taboola

"I have taboola blocked by ghostery, "

Just spotted it on the list after looking at your comment, bloked it.

Sorry El Reg, that's a few pence you won't be getting.

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Jihadist fears spark new spook powers

Elmer Phud
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Reds under the flying carpet

"The Commies Muslims are out to get us!!!"

I am concerned about the recent increase of Fundamentalist propaganda, first it's support the good guys and now the good guys are the bad guys but we can't ask for our money back.

Can't we just go back to the good old days where fuzzy wuzzies were always heathens who stole our mehmsahibs for the slave market?

How come it has (once again) turned in to Carry On Up The Khyber with Brother Belcher warning us about the horrors of anyone non-Xtian?

Whatever happened to the Axis of Evil? (sorry - Eeeeville ).

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Elmer Phud
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Global Con spiracy

Ah, as it is in Blighted, so it shall be in Oz.

And if anyone, bloody anyone, says "well, if you've got nothing to hide" I may be up before the beak for assault!

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WiFi WarKitteh and DDoS Dog to stalk DEF CON 22

Elmer Phud
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Pirate

Catspaw

Does this mean I can now buy a crossbow to protect myself from potential Syrian hackers?

No, I really have no intentions at stopping the buggers from crapping in my garden, none at all, it is all in the interests of National Security and the protection of my fellow (and fellow-ess) citizens.

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Barack Obama was ALMOST EATEN by a ROBOT GIRAFFE

Elmer Phud
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Where's a WASP when you need one?

Not, of course, that there is any threat to the Sheriff of Rock Ridge from the 'Birthers' who still haven't got over the fact that the new Sherrrif is a 'Ni . . .'

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upvZdVK913I)

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Hackers steal trade secrets from major US hedge firm

Elmer Phud
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Delays are there to make money

Some time ago there was (apparently) work done within BACs to see how fast a transaction could be made from anywhere to anywhere else on the planet

When those from higher up were shown that nine seconds could be achived they asked if it could be made a tad longer to ensure transaction hung around long enough to be able to let third and other parties to make money.

Ain't just the crooks that are doing time.

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Internet of Things fridges? Pfft. So how does my milk carton know when it's empty?

Elmer Phud
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Big shop/small shop

Milk is getting low.

I can wait until a big shop but that could mean none left for tomorrows first cuppa.

If I go to the corner shop now instead will the fridge rat on me to Tesco?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: The Answer Is Under Our Noses

But . . .

I don't always shop at the same place or buy fuel from the same place each time.

(rebel that I am)

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Elmer Phud
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Re: The internet of fridges

"if the door is shut, the little light is out,"

But is it?

Is there a cat in the fridge as well?

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'I'm for free speech!' brave Boris bellows, bewildered by 'right to be forgotten' bluster

Elmer Phud
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How much 'free speech' does he want?

"When reports about Stephanie first surfaced in the press in 2010, Marina threw Johnson out of the marital home for several months and removed her wedding ring. It was the second time she had locked him out – resorting to the same tactic as six years earlier when Johnson was exposed as having had an affair with fellow journalist Petronella Wyatt, which resulted in one abortion and a miscarriage. "

From The Indy.

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Boris: Look on 'London's digital tentacles', ye mighty, and despair!

Elmer Phud
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Re: 'Canned' is the word

" I really do wonder how many days a week Boris actually gets out of bed. "

He has 'people' to do that for him.

Maybe one of his many unelected 'advisors' who are on a fair old wedge of dosh.

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IoT cup claims 'instant' identification of what's in it

Elmer Phud
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Happy

I know when I've had enough!

" And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching "

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Elmer Phud
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Headmaster

Re: Actually, this may have a use.

"but that has now been cured by actually eating peanuts."

Oh dear, oh dear.

'Actually'? -- it's like a teenager saying 'technically'.

Which means it is NOT a universal truth after all.

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Toyota catches up to William Gibson with LED hood

Elmer Phud
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Re: What's a hood?

a 'Hood' is the bloke who flogged you one of those cars by saying it was the latest thing and everyone wants one.

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The cute things they say

Elmer Phud
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Font gone wrong

'It's not working properly, I can't read things'

Went to look.

Cntl+scroll -- big text.

Then spent a while insisting it wasn't the machine doing it.

'Oh, I might have . . . '

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Poison PDF pusher released to public

Elmer Phud
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Just Acrobat?

If so then I'm happy (but will check to see if there's an update for Foxit)

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Elmer Phud
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Headmaster

Would you prefer they surreptitiously inserted it through a backdoor?

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Gung-ho Guangzhou college kids smash LINPACK cluster record

Elmer Phud
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"Quick, Quick"

Says Gove, "learn to make apps by plugging blocks together"

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DAMN you El Reg, CALL ME A BOFFIN, demands enraged boffin

Elmer Phud
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Re: Weren't the Boffins related to the Bagginses?

Sure it wasn't the posher ones?

The B'Ophines

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Before acquiescing to his demand...

"But not a pristine white coat"

Yup, they are mainly reserved for the 'I'm not a dentist but I intend on making you think I am one to flog you a product that will have you runniing scared to your real dentist to fork out real money after you've used it"

Then there are the 'Forget about just using conditioner and a fine comb - you need to pour this completely unnecessary bottle of insecticide on your kids head" white coats, too.

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UK govt preps World War 2 energy rationing to keep the lights on

Elmer Phud
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Re: Bring back the night!

Far too sensible -- turn off the huge ad screens and hoardings as well.

Restrict the amount of light an office block needs to illuminate the outside at night.

But, it seems, as far as leccy is concerned, most people have a Clarkson attitude that only 'more power' is the answer.

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Elmer Phud
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Night sky

Just turn all those bloody adverts off!

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Texan parks quadcopter atop Dallas Cowboys stadium

Elmer Phud
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"Sooner or later someone is going to get seriously injured or killed by these bell ends flying their toys around populated places. "

How many people have been seriously injured or killed by model aircraft over the years?

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600 school sysadmins sacked in New South Wales

Elmer Phud
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First Dog on the Moon

I've been following the First Dog on the Moon cartoons in the Grauniad -- a wonderful series that has shown what the government is up to in Oz. This article comes as no surprise - especially with today's First Dog offering

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cartoon/2014/jun/10/first-dog-kitten

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GAME ON: Top 10 tellies for a World Cup kicking

Elmer Phud
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Pint

Best telly?

Pub

Lock-in

Sorted

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