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* Posts by Elmer Phud

3282 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Bacon-related medical breakthrough wins Ig Nobel prize

Elmer Phud
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Bacon a roll again

New products on the horizon:

Bacon nose plugs for all but the Abrahamic faiths

Free-range Rare-breed (etc.etc.) Bacon plugs

Fake Bacon plugs for the almost vegetarian

Quorn substitute Bacon plugs for others.

(Of course 'Bacon' is capitalised!)

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TOR users become FBI's No.1 hacking target after legal power grab

Elmer Phud
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Pirate

Tempting

It's things like this that bring out the juvenile in me and raises the possibility of actually downloading Tor

and finding out about this menacing and perverting thing called 'Darknet'.

I just love the adverts from the FBI and others.

Oh, yes - almost forgot - AAAAARGH! time for me rum ration!

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Plucky Playmonaut parties as LOHAN hits Kickstarter goal

Elmer Phud
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New Kickstarter needed

Right then, that's the first lot of money spent on the party.

That champagne and Colombian marching powder isn't cheap, nor the 'dancers'.

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Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us

Elmer Phud
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Re: Statement of the obvious

"Looking at the map, most of the red zones are around central London tube stations most used by tourists and targeted by pickpockets."

The pick pockets often work in conjunction with the 'find the lady' scammers.

Are they listed as well?

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Elmer Phud
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Hmm . . .

. . .If you are a crim (or potential crim) and are aware how the software works then there should be no problem in getting round it.

But - these 'detection and analysis 'products are usually sold to people who find Powerpoint an important marketing tool.

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Home Depot: 56 million bank cards pwned by malware in our tills

Elmer Phud
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Re: Malware proteced payment device....

Funny that, I seem to be paying more by cash these days.

Not a conscious decision - and often a lot quicker.

You do get some odd looks now and then if it's anything more than about £30.

(at least most DIY tills now don't care which way round the note is presented)

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Elmer Phud
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Not really fine

They'd find some way of making the users pay .

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Ten years on, TEN PER CENT of retailers aren't obeying CAN-SPAM

Elmer Phud
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So...

You click on the 'unsubscribe' link and it takes you to a log-in page that you have to go through to det to the 'manage your account' bit.

But can you remember the username and password and do you really want to go through the 'forgot password' bit or can you even remember the email account or username you used to set up the account?

New filter time.

Just bin the buggers.

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Early result from Scots indyref vote? NAW, Jimmy - it's a SCAM

Elmer Phud
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WTF?

What's new?

How many folks just keep on with the click-bait without engaging the brain?

Still several born every minute.

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Driving with an Apple Watch could land you with a £100 FINE

Elmer Phud
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Re: Speedo?

I've always wondered how come it take longer to glance at the speedo than it does to check the mirrors.

Or a quick glance at the dash to check no funny lights have come on.

Or looking at road sign or or or or

How come we are told its hard to keep to 50mph on a restricted section

Do we really need to ensure we are always dead on 50mph?

Poor exuses for crap driving more like it.

(that or whinging after being caught)

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China hacked US Army transport orgs TWENTY TIMES in ONE YEAR

Elmer Phud
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"We have to pay for 'bamacare somehow ;) "

It's a bit like that - preventative medicine saves a fortune but those making a mint out of fixing issues would say otherwise.

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Murdoch to Europe: Inflict MORE PAIN on Google, please

Elmer Phud
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Hmm,

Has that well known grasper of 'nationality for convenience' now become European?

What stupid country has let him have yet another passport?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Much as you may hate him...

Were you around when BsB was shafted by Murdoch and Thatcher?

Were you here to witness the privatisation of Telecomms to enable the use of the satellites?

Were you here to see Wapping?

Do you remember when sports was about sports and NOT rinsing the public while totally screwing over football?

The bitter fighting between Murdoch annd Maxwell?

or even 'My lovely horse running in the Chipping Norton Fields'

Possibly not

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Elmer Phud
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Mushroom

World domination?

This coming from the very company that has totally screwed football and cricket?

Lied and bullied aboout Hillsborough?

Has the NRA gobshites hosting Faux News?

Bought rival newspapers just to close them down - then bring in the ploice when employees complained?

Ran topless pics of barely 16yr olds?

And now assumes that I need to goo too Google for Torrents?

There isn't enough 'off' after 'fuck' for these parasites.

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Student pleads guilty to Frances Abbott 'secret' scholarship leak

Elmer Phud
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Just what do they teach them these days?

"She was captured on CCTV logging into the system while she worked at the library at the same time the emails were accessed."

Oh, ffs!

Despite the Assange ego, Wikileaks can be contacted via Tor.

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First Irish boy band U2. Now Apple pushes ANOTHER thing into iPhones, iPods, iPads

Elmer Phud
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Re: Doesn't matter if the features have been available for years...

"Seriously, who ever used NFC payments other than Oyster Card holders,"

Those ;poor sods who waved thier wallets at the barriers yesterday -- and got thier credit cards charged for the priviledge as well as the Oyster card?

Boris - a kind and giving man.

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Cracked it - Vulture 2 power podule fires servos for 4 HOURS

Elmer Phud
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Paris Hilton

Blimey

Still so short of money that Vulture2 has to pose with its top off?

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Bonking with Apple has POUNDED mobe operators' wallets

Elmer Phud
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Re: Apple pay...

When people occasionally sort out the odd piles of 'shrapnel' cash they discover it's not just a few pennnies after all.

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Israeli spies rebel over mass-snooping on innocent Palestinians

Elmer Phud
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Facepalm

Re: A joke, or some form of Israeli PR right?

"Frankly i think every jew & every palistinean want each other dead, so where will this end?"

Pleasing you by the sound of it

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Hackers-for-hire raided 300 banks, corporates for TWELVE YEARS

Elmer Phud
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Familiar

Seems very similar to how 'legitimate' banking works.

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Tough luck, Zuck! Man who claimed to own half of Facebook has fraud trial delayed six months

Elmer Phud
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I'm waiting for . . .

. . . "The plaintiff will be representing himself"

or "This twat has pissed everyone off and no-one thinks he has a hope in hell"

(though he seems he might have a leech attatched)

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As bankruptcy looms for RadioShack, we ask its chief financial officer... oh. He's quit

Elmer Phud
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Re: Corporation hoards

They keep it away and splash out the odd bilion here and there buiiyng up smaller companies to ensure competitors don't get to them first.

After that it's usually a big press release followed shortly by 'absorbing' the smaller firm and usually never using what they scrambled to buy in the first place.

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Hackers pop Brazil newspaper to root home routers

Elmer Phud
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Facepalm

Re: Java as a crutch

"The attack code was manipulated to target Internet Explorer"

load up all the protection you want -- it ain't aimed at FFox.

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Boffins say they've got Lithium batteries the wrong way around

Elmer Phud
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Boffin

"Advanced Light Source Synchrotron."

Don't give a toss what it does but with a name like that I want one!

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Phones 4u slips into administration after EE cuts ties with Brit mobe retailer

Elmer Phud
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scams

Is it anything to do with cracking down on insurance scams from the third-party box-shifters?

Have they lost so much from 'mistakely' filling in the 'extra cover' forms for you to sign?

I always thought they must have made more money from that that actually flogging the most expensive contract available.

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eBay DROPS DEAD AGAIN - tat bazaar says sorry, scrambles to resurrect site

Elmer Phud
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Re: Look Like: It's Time For Another Fee Increase for eBay.

Almost! A! Yahoo! Post!

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Read The Gods of War for every tired cliche you never wanted to see in a sci fi book

Elmer Phud
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Ian M

None of this comes close to Ian M Bank's scope for wars in Spaaaace.

I went through my Sf books a while back getting rid of things like these - may be I've grown up.

(never went for Game of Thrones as I'd read it all before in his Space Opera stuff)

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Not pro Bono: Apple's audio junk mail made spammers' lives easier

Elmer Phud
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Happy

Re: It hasn't appeared here yet

Have you checked your EULA?

No, I mean really, really checked your EULA?

Really, really, really?

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Elmer Phud
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Black Helicopters

Re: Well this is bollocks

"iStuff are not devices?"

Of course not!

They are holy objects to be revered and worshipped and praised for the way that unexpected manna has arrived from above.

(but what the Turd giveth the Turd taketh away)

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Beware geeks bearing gifts: Steam-draining nasty spreads via Twitch

Elmer Phud
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Nice move

I've seen a few of these dodgy 'click to buy' things elsewhere on FB.

They target specific groups and the user info link is greyed out.

The best bit is the 'number sold today' which is a wonderful way to trap the unsuspecting.

On FB I was slagged off for asking who actually clicked on the 'buy now' link when the user was greyed out -- even the trainers and sunglasses spammers have clickable ID's.

Still there are several born every minute and a wee bit of social engineering goes a long way

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SHINY NEW GADGETS! No, we're not joking, here's a load of them

Elmer Phud
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Paris Hilton

Why am I not surprised . . .

. . . that the article starts off with strap-ons?

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Slough isn't fit for humans now, says Amazon. We're going to Shoreditch

Elmer Phud
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Sweetners

Boris is very, very good on tax breaks ---

Not that Amazon bother too much with tax to start with

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Slap my Imp up: Bullfrog's Dungeon Keeper

Elmer Phud
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Re: I'm STILL playing this!!

"Then they went to things like building sims who love food and are afraid of water - and placing the fridge on an island in the swimming pool."

My own delicate girls made lots of young Sims, got them in a swimming pool and removed the ladder.

(The 'watch a Sim really, really busting for a pee' was the training level.)

They went on to things like a room full of stuffed furniture, several open fireplaces and some Sims - then remove the door.

Oh, such squeals of merriment from the kids, such innocent days .

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It's official: LOHAN's arboreal avoidance algorithm is PANTS

Elmer Phud
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Trollface

Re: The whole thing

Yup, all them extra battery holders . . .

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5 Nigerian gangs dominate Craigslist buyer scams

Elmer Phud
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Re: Nigeria .....................bad reputation

Big business uses big bungs.

We taught them well, we showed them how to operate in a multi-national environment.

We wanted oil, we shed cash like confetti.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Western Union

"but there are vulnerable and naive people who don't know better."

and reckon that if it's not Nigerian then all is fine --- your rascism will trap you, you become an easy mark.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: ISIS too good for them

"No time to spend on these guys. Find address, call the BNP."

Nice rascist shite, there.

How many Nigerians are from Evangelical/Baptist churches?

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Show us your Five-Eyes SECRETS says Privacy International

Elmer Phud
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Foof glorious food

"Hopefully someone will have the testicles give them the finger."

Testicles are onThursdays, Chocloate fingers are available at any time from the display next to the till.

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Celeb nudie iCloud pervs hatched photo-slurping Flappy Bird plot

Elmer Phud
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Unhappy

If the idea is to capture images of people playing Flappy Birds won't they just get a load of gurning faces?

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Drones swarm over bearded Brit billionaire's island getaway

Elmer Phud
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Shy, retiring . .

Never one to miss out for a multiple-business advert.

(but what is the point of the bloody almostbutnotquite space jaunt?)

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LOHAN premieres spaceplane mission summary vid

Elmer Phud
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Coat

Hmm . . .

Kickstarter funding, moving to the U.S., boffin video . . .

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Ferraris, Zondas and ... er, a bike with a 500hp V10 under the saddle

Elmer Phud
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Lamborghini Zagato 5-95 based on a Gallardo LP570-4.

It looks like a freshly landed Cod

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Alien Ninja Fembot Pirates vs the Jedi SAS Chuck Norris startroopers: RUMBLE

Elmer Phud
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Re: Known Space aliens?

Must read before posting -

Pak Protectors - space travel with an open cockpit!

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Elmer Phud
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Missing?

What category do Pak protectors come under?

They are hardcore mofos

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Something smells PHISHY: It's the celeb nudie iCloud PERV trap...

Elmer Phud
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Happy

iLaugh

as if it's not expected

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Video: Dyson unveils ROBOTIC TANK that hoovers while you're out

Elmer Phud
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How many . . .

. . . cats can the thing seat?

I forsee YouTube being inundated with 'cute kitties ride on cleaner' vids.

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You are here => Earth is in 'the suburbs' of an IMMENSE HEAVEN

Elmer Phud
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A complete failure of imagination, I just don't have the resources.

Out of Cheese error?

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Crack team weighs LOHAN's substantial box

Elmer Phud
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boffinette?

'Boffinette' sounds a bit 'not quite a boffin' but that's a proper pipe.

Boffin is non-sexist. (sort of)

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NATO nations 'will respond to a Cyber attack on one as though it were on all'

Elmer Phud
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Mushroom

Cyber attack?

Wasn't there a teenager some time back that caused the U.S. military to cack its collective pants?

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Don't buy that phone! It ATTRACTS CRIMINALS, UK.gov will tell people

Elmer Phud
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Re: Popularity list?

"Other than making Windows Phone and Blackberry owners feel unjustifiably smug in their purchase decisions, that is? :)"

But, but -- we were told that the 'riots' were orchestrated by using BBM.

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