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* Posts by Elmer Phud

3217 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Europol picks Brit to lead new international cybercrime taskforce

Elmer Phud
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I wonder . . .

. . . how long it will be before their homepage is pwnd?

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Chumps stump up $1 MEELLLION for watch that doesn't exist

Elmer Phud
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Re: Mel Brooks

"Anyone remember "The Producers"?"

Well, it is 'Springtime in Australia'

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Vulture 2 X-Plane soars over Spaceport America

Elmer Phud
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Paris Hilton

Almost

Almost a hands-on LOHAN experience

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Virgin Media blocks 'wankers' from permissible passwords

Elmer Phud
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It's only words . . .

While working for a large and well-known telecomms company there was a company-wide block on any 'swearwords' used for passwords.

This missive can only have come from clueless management as some of my passwords changed to ones that were not blocked:

B01lck5

Phuque0rf

were a couple of favourites used in response to the emails.

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Facebook, Google and Instagram 'worse than drugs' says Miley Cyrus

Elmer Phud
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Expert?

Blimey, a couple of over-publicised spliffs and she's an bleedin' expert?

O.K. maybe a line of something as well)

Booze is the real culprit here -- how much 'social' stuff is done post-pub?

I won't be getting an achy-breaky heart over it.

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Facebook to let stalkers unearth buried posts with mobe search

Elmer Phud
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Re: Pfft!

"I won't lower myself to use this so called Facebook."

Not on Twitter or LinkedIn ?

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KER-CHING! CryptoWall ransomware scam rakes in $1 MEEELLION

Elmer Phud
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Re: $10,000 ?? --dog's chance

I don't have a dog, either.

Or any number of bank accounts, ISP's, credit cards or Facebook account using my 'proper' email address.

Oh, nor have I made any accident claims

But faxes?

I've seen these in the spam box but -- faxes -via email ?

May be the fax is an email attachment - in PDF?

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Ice cream headache as black hat hacks sack Dairy Queen

Elmer Phud
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Franchised stores

Having just about found enough dosh to set up the business and being understaffed usually results in several 'short-cuts' in running the business.

Far too many 'managers' of franchises shouldn't be put in charge of a tea cup ride at the fair - all they know comes from a 'business studies' course that convinced them they could take over the world.

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Google's 'Captain Moonshot': I will BOMB you with DELIVERIES

Elmer Phud
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Expectation

I guess one of these things will be delivering my personal jet-pack or autogyro or atomic domestic cooker.

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IBM: OK, Watson, you've won Jeopardy. Now, CURE CANCER

Elmer Phud
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“A new scientific research paper is published nearly every 30 seconds

And, judging by some I've seen, most are of the 'DR' Gillian McKeith variety.

There seem to be a hell of a lot of people on the 'Alternative' circuit who release 'papers' and do a lot of lectures (PR jobbies) to the already converted.

They are published in journals that have a coverage that must reach, oooh, a dozen. Journals that are run by people who also host 'conferences' that are also PR jobbies.

The difference between these and the 'Doris'* circuit is waffer thin.

*Doris - collective name for mediums.

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Russia-based hackers prime suspects in JPMorgan mega-breach

Elmer Phud
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Re: Ceterum censeo NATO has to do something

As you say, there are two possibilities to consider. Until we have investigated thoroughly there is no point in unncecessarily causing alarm, when furher developments have been arrived at we will, of course, inform the public.

(we're not sure, politically, who to blame yet -- we screwed up over Russia and now over Syria so there is a need to find a scapegoat that (as yet) has insufficent clout to cause us trouble. )

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LOHAN wrapped in vinyl as Kickstarter campaign hits £18,000!

Elmer Phud
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Value for money

"For £120, you can meet myself and LOHAN rocket wrangler Paul Shackleton at Vulture Central in London,"

Considering the cost of coughing up to meet our esteemed Prime Minister for tea and cakes, a mere £120 seems far greater value.

(Is there a pub called 'Vulture Central'?)

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MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS

Elmer Phud
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Re: The branch-off into frankly bizarre constructions has gone too far.

"Castle of Anthrax"

And after the spanking . . .

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Netflix releases home-grown DDoS detectors

Elmer Phud
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Re: What's a dectector?

It's normally used by ants.

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Twitter gives ANALYTICS to the unwashed masses

Elmer Phud
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Pub Bore?

Is this Twitter doing a 'see how many friends I've got' like wot Facebook users used to?

Are we now to experience sad gits who wave bits of paper around that 'prove' how 'popular' they are? Some of those people just go on and on and onan onan onan onan . . .

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Ouch... right in the VIDEO GAME: Lizard Squad attacks XBox, Twitch

Elmer Phud
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Alien

Warnings

David Icke was right?

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Boffins attempt to prove the UNIVERSE IS JUST A HOLOGRAM

Elmer Phud
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Sign of the times

A while back the comments would be littered with Star Trek references.

It would appear that holograms are not compatible with Game of Thrones.

Where's Captain Kirk?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: I was thinking of another type of hologram

There is only one sock.

Quantum being what it is (or isn't), people do not lose a sock they are gaining one.

When that sock ends up in the washing machine it immediately goes to another machine, every other machine, turns in to a pair as it meets itself in the machine it started from - etc.

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Sin COS to tan Windows? Chinese operating system to debut in autumn – report

Elmer Phud
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Re: Will We Take Away The Chinese OS ?

You'll be wanting to understand the menus next

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Elmer Phud
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Re: MARX OS, patched with MAO

MAO?

Bloody cats already ffs!

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Our LOHAN spaceplane ballocket Kickstarter climbs through £8000

Elmer Phud
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Thumb Up

Proper Boffinry

Top marks to the proper boffin attire worm by your (our?) boffin chugger (or is it Kigger?)

The pipe is a bit Holmes-esque but still adheres to the rules of Boffin coture.

(The dog-on-string maybe taking it a bit too far as some may also expect the bofffin to stink of stale piss.)

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Euro space boffins narrow down lander sites on comet doing 135,000km/h toward Sun

Elmer Phud
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That reminds me . . .

Lunar Lander, anyone?

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6 Obvious Reasons Why Facebook Will Ban This Article (Thank God)

Elmer Phud
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Twits and twats

You don't have a Twtter account?

Even LinkedIn is now posing as an alternative.

Can you tell me the 'next big thing' so I can get my standardised moans in first? Ta.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: It's a MAD WORLD.

"Because the teenagers have decided that a career in "idiocy" is probably more exciting than a boring humbdrum job in an office."

This being t'internet and all that, try looking at comments about teenagers through the centuries -- they don't change.

The Greeks, Romans etc.etc. all have the same moans about teenagers.

Fortunatley, this doesn't look like it's going to stop - Teenagers will carry on being teenagers and really pissing off Groan Up's for centuries to come.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Ads as Articles

Social Fixer on Facebook?

Filters within filters - loverly stuff

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The police are WRONG: Watching YouTube videos is NOT illegal

Elmer Phud
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Re: Smartasses

"Perhaps the Met were just using the Booleen method."

That's the 'Doreen' method of clairvoyance:

False OR True = CASH

(though it seems to always return False, CASH is the result)

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Three new charges laid against alleged Silk Road kingpin

Elmer Phud
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Headmaster

FFS!

"to all corners of the globe."

hmm

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No, thank you. I will not code for the Caliphate

Elmer Phud
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IS IS Baby

Love the rebranding but not sure about the promo vids.

Really need Barry Scott:

"We've changed our most popular product to give a more worldwide appeal.

We're out of Syria and will be seeing ya all real soon"

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Not really very live at all from London - It's the Vulture News videocast

Elmer Phud
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Pint

Re: Regina

Eggs you on?

Could end up like many journo's --poached

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SpaceX prototype rocket EXPLODES over Texas. 'Tricky' biz, says Elon Musk

Elmer Phud
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Prototype rocket explodes

Yeah and?

Isn't that what they are supposed to do?

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UK.gov sinks another £1.6m into Internet of Stuff spec HyperCat

Elmer Phud
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Pirate

Re-inventing the wheel

" the HyperCat specification will unlock the full potential of the internet of things by creating a world wide web for machines"

Why not just buy the standard scamware off the shelf? It's not as if there aren't already some superb products available where machines are connected together even though the meatware doesn't know.

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The Register to boldly go where no Vulture has gone before: The WEEKEND

Elmer Phud
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Very nice

Something for the weekend, Sir?

Will there be some pull-out stickers in a series of images of LOHAN?

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Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE

Elmer Phud
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WTF?

Re: 70s pop star?

"Taking the odd picture as a memento at a concert is almost unavoidable"

See icon

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Elmer Phud
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Re: heard similar please before

"This wasn't a trick, the recorders were allowed to run and the fans came back and collected them after the gig."

They also gave public approval to anyone whose personal recording was better than thiers.

The world is flooded with Dead bootlegs, but some of them are superb.

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Elmer Phud
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"Maybe if she wears a mini skirt."

Multiple choice -- you choose the first word, the second one is 'off'.

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Gigantic toothless 'DRAGONS' dominated Earth's early skies

Elmer Phud
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Holmes

Re: No teeth = excellent flyer

"Remember the small hands of T. rex? What use were they for?"

Keeping a decent hand of cards close.

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e-Borders fiasco: Brits stung for £224m after US IT giant sues UK govt

Elmer Phud
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Makes a change

Usually it's a UK IT project that goes titsup -- this one looks really cheap for once.

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'Chinese crims' snatch 4.5 MILLION patient files from US hospitals

Elmer Phud
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"To whom do these assholes direct this stuff?"

Shareholders -- is there anybody else they actually care about?

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Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

Elmer Phud
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Dragone

If Dragons tend to speak remarkably like Mr Connery(I've seen it on telly so it's true) they may have moved to somewhere with more advantageous tax regime.

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Elmer Phud
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Rising spectre

Was ectoplasm involved?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Plans for dragon attack

"All staff are required to complete at least 50 hours of mandatory Skyrim and are prepared to deal with incidents involving Dragons, Trolls and Giants. Your council - Working Hard for You!"

Yeah, yeah -- we know damned well that those supposed 'radar' domes are actually where the M.O.D. house our very own attack Unicorns.

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The Return of BSOD: Does ANYONE trust Microsoft patches?

Elmer Phud
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WTF?

There's No Pleasing Some People

They moan in droves about W8 not being like 'the old days' and then not beng like W7 -- and when MS fixes it for that real ol'-time leagacy feel the ungrateful gits complain!

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Cargo truck crammed with garbage explodes IN SPAAAAACE

Elmer Phud
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Alert

Space Junk

Some older people may remember a little band called 'Devo'

"A soviet sputnik hit Africa

India, Venezuela, in Texas, Kansas

It's falling fast Peru too

It keeps coming, it keeps coming, it keeps coming"

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Totes AMAZEBALLS! Side boob, binge-watch and clickbait added to Oxford Dictionary

Elmer Phud
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Re: YOLO...

It's a bleedin' fish, innit.

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Google hops into bed with Brit red-top: Cooks up 'draw an app' coding compo for kids

Elmer Phud
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Re: Doesn't bode well...

unless they are total Minecraft nuts who are building processors and are about to pwn the internet - but only in daytime.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: I'm just amazed...

"Didn't they have a countdown a few years ago, ticking off the days until some 15 year old was old enough . . ." to shag.

Yes, Charlotte Church (might not have been the Scum but same lowlife pondslime scumsuckers)

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Elmer Phud
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Same again?

Once upon a time pupils were encouraged to go for 'business studies' as that would make them all in to rich little entrepeneurs.

Those going into insolvency parctices did well out if it.

Looks like the same is happening now, one or three people make a mint out of apps and it's yee-ha! goldrush time.

And those who did best out of the goldrush were not usually the prospectors.

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Spin doctors crack 'impossible' asteroid hurtling towards Earth

Elmer Phud
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Re: The 29th century?

" Bruce Willis might not be available."

There's some hope then.

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Dolby Atmos is coming home and it sounds amazing

Elmer Phud
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Pass

I'm going to have to pass on this one as well.

Where would I put the crap that lives on top of the speakers?

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Vulture 2 spaceplane brain surgery begins with remote incision

Elmer Phud
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Standard support

"Tridge is in Canberra, but that didn't stop him getting inside the Pixhawk via OpenVPN, while chatting to Linus on Skype."

So, so familiar, remote diagnostics - 'Press the power button down for a bit longer . . . '

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