* Posts by Elmer Phud

3509 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Careful - your helmet might get squashed by a VOLVO

Elmer Phud
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Helmet protection

Hmm, considering most bike helmets are not designed for impact over about 12 mph and Volovo's tend to be heavy and go at more than 12mph while a pair of eyes are just visible over the dashboard -- what's the bloody point?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: volvo approaching

"deploy caltrops"

Easy enough:

Offside pannier with small flap.

Or rows of them on top of the rack.

Often considered when being screamed at by White van occupants and school run jockeys in bus lane.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Yellow sash

"That cyclist would be better protected by wearing something bright instead of that road-coloured jumper; "

Ah, unfortunatley it seems that the more protective stuff a cyclist has the closer drivers feel they can pass. Research has been done to prove this - the more reflective, flouro, helmetted, lit-up a bike is then the risk assessment by the driver causes them for feel safer in passing and thus end up closer than is comfortable for the cyclist.

I pass loads and loads of unlit cyclists -- not managed to kill one yet.

I can't understand how they can be 'invisible' yet spotted in 'great numbers'.

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American bacon cured with AR-15 assault rifle

Elmer Phud
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Re: @Sporkinum: When I was in the Airforce

"what is menudo?"

Google it --- I did

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30,000 people buy a box of BOVINE EXCREMENT

Elmer Phud
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Re: "...and maybe some beach-front property in Switzerland."

I got 99 problems but the beach ain't one

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Branson sinks sub dream: Plan to explore Earth's bottom scrapped

Elmer Phud
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Re: Mysteries of the deep

Finally the taxi service ends.

If his idea of 'depths' is the same as his 'space' then we are better off all round that he's called it quits.

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Is there ANOTHER UNIVERSE headed BACKWARDS IN TIME?

Elmer Phud
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Boffin

But, on the other leg . . .

" In Jingo, Vimes accidentally picks up a pocket organizer that should have gone down another leg of the Trousers of Time, and so can hear the organizer reporting on the deaths that would have occurred had his decision gone otherwise."

It's gonna be all quantum again, isn't it?

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Pirate Bay towed to oldpiratebay.org

Elmer Phud
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Re: links to smut...

I was trying to work out how they knew it was smut without doing proper 'research'

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US Navy's LASER CANNON WARSHIP: USS Ponce sent to Gulf

Elmer Phud
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Re: USS Ponce --Lino?

Lino?

I'd be wondering where me washboard had gone.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: USS Ponce

Nah, HMS Cadge

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Elmer Phud
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Re: "Ponce"

And there was me thinking it was a someone who lives off the earnings from prostitutes -- and from that my first recollection which is of scrounging something off someone else. 'Can I ponce a ciggie off you?'.

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Elmer Phud
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Any good?

How does the Laser (sorry, have to use a capital letter there to stress the importance of the huge financial outlay) fare when a cheap Maplin fogger is used to try and counter it?

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HE'S DONE IT! Malcolm Turnbull unites left and right with piracy policy

Elmer Phud
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For a government post he is perfectly suited to the job.

He can't hear a bloody thing from anyone else.

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GCHQ, police to team up to hunt down child abuse on the darknet

Elmer Phud
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Is there an election coming?

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Govt spaffs £170k to develop the INTERNET OF SHEEP

Elmer Phud
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Porn

What sort of porn will the sheep be watching?

Is One Man And His Dog a horror film?

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Brit boffins debunk 'magnetic field and cancer' link

Elmer Phud
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Oh No!!!!

"Dr Alex Jones in the University's School of Chemistry led a team examining whether weak magnetic fields affected flavoproteins."

Does this also mean that the sales of divining rods will plummet?

(not that it will stop the fraudsters)

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Mom and daughter SUE Comcast for 'smuggling' public Wi-Fi hotspot into their home

Elmer Phud
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Re: The plaintiffs are seeking monetary damages for themselves

"Soon (or late) we will hear about the settlement for an "undisclosed amount", etc."

not sure about that, there are Judges in the U.S. who say 'Oh FFS, grow up' to those with dollar signs in thier eyes.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Doesn't BT already do this in the UK?

I also run a 'come and slurp' router.

I then go and slurp from others.

Seems fair to me.

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Sacre block! French publishers to sue Adblock maker – report

Elmer Phud
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Re: There are other ways

"Just post it back to the bar stewards. It's their junk, they can dispose of it."

But be creative -- mix up the envelopes first.

Never send it back to where it came from.

But anything to 'The Householder' goes straight in the recycling unopened as it's Virgin spam.

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RIP Ralph Baer: Father of the games console dies aged 92

Elmer Phud
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Pint

Thanks

This was the start of many a long evening in the pub.

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A nation of CODERS? Yes, says UK.gov, and have some cash to do it

Elmer Phud
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Too little

Too late

The Apps moment has passed, it is no longer a new thing.

This govenement would never use coders in the U.K. anyway -- too expensive for them, need code slaves instead.

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Furious GTA V gamers seek similar ban on violent, misogynistic title: the Holy Bible

Elmer Phud
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Re: Not again!

"The article was written, edited and published in the US. Why write two words when one will do."

That's the winningist comment I've seen on this subject.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The fantastical Francesinha

Elmer Phud
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WTF?

Boffin?

"Special Projects Bureau boffin"

Why no pipe?

Can't have boffins without pipes.

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Kaspersky: That 2 years we took to warn you about Regin ? We had GOOD REASON

Elmer Phud
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We'd acccuse them of 'chucking' like we usually do.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: How long is too long to have kept quiet?

To keep the dinosaur analogy going --we'd now be seeeing Piltdown Man or the way that bones were slung together to make what was fanciful in the eyes of the curators.

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Squashed bug opened EVERY PayPal account to hijacking

Elmer Phud
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"if they were capable of convincing a target to click a link."

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UK slaps 25 per cent 'Google Tax' on tech multinationals

Elmer Phud
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Spring Offensive

"The Diverted Profits Tax will be applied at a rate of 25 per cent from 1 April 2015. "

Everything is 'The world will be shiny and wonderful next spring - honest guv.'

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Hawking: RISE of the MACHINES could DESTROY HUMANITY

Elmer Phud
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Bad thing?

With the AI's in books by Ian M Banks and Neal Asher, they seem to look on humans from the veiwpoint of a benevolent auntie (most times).

I wonder if it's the need for superiority that frightens.

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FBI warns of disk NUKE malware after Sony Pictures megahack

Elmer Phud
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Blimey -- Rootkitting Sony getting rooted.

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Brits conned out of nearly £24m in phone scams IN ONE YEAR

Elmer Phud
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Re: ORLY, DCI Stokes?

"Complete rubbish. Still, today, some banks will ring you up and start the conversation with "I just need to ask you some security questions before we start..." "

And I say that to ensure security I need a reference number from them, then I'll ring back on thier usual number.

I've refused to talk to people who demand security details but without them being able to prove to me who they are.

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By the Rivers of Babylon, where the Antikythera Mechanism laid down

Elmer Phud
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Re: Optional

There isn't the time to do it.

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Holy sh*t! Amsterdam man in pop-up public toilet shock horror

Elmer Phud
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A bit slow

I'd have shat meself by the time the Thunderbird silo is open for business

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TalkTalk email goes titsup FOR DAYS. Cheapo telco warns: Changing password WON'T fix it

Elmer Phud
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Re: So this a week after the Yahoo email failure

I thought BT had moved away from Yahoo mail recently

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Oh gawd...

"Last time I had to look into a TT issue, they blamed the inability of the customers router to log onto their network on the router..."

Things haven't changed over the years -- I used to work on a BT Bband helldesk (before and after the split) and their previous incarnation just bounced jobs back with no notes, no diagnostics, no nothing.

But it got the jobs out of their queues before the job failed.

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Go festive this year with Christmas carols, baby Jesus and CLITORAL STIMULATORS

Elmer Phud
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Re: Slowly but surely...

Yes, it's surprising how many people don't hear the intro of a cash register working.

Noddy Holder usually says his little tune pays for a decent holiday each year.

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NHS and POLICE non-emergency services GO DARK after Voda switch failure - source

Elmer Phud
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"Vodafone said in a statement would not confirm or deny whether the cock-up was due to a switch failure, but said it has "identified the issue"."

So, not admitting to trying to save money and opting for 'Live testing' instead?

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Candy Crush King king resigns for 'personal reasons'

Elmer Phud
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Re: How long before

"Candy Crush Cabbage Saga"

Very popular in Sto-Lat

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UK boffins: We'll have an EMBIGGENED QUANTUM COMPUTER working in 5 YEARS

Elmer Phud
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If it's the computer that will lead to bigger computers haven't they got the name wrong?

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Antarctic ice THICKER than first feared – penguin-bot boffins

Elmer Phud
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Re: Thicker ice is a sign of increased temps

Your theory is crap --- 2.9 litres disappear. (3.6 - 0.7)

Get it right!

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Elmer Phud
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"More ice means more to flood us"

But it's thinner at the top end so stuff balances out.

Not that I care -- It'd take one hell of a lot of meltwater to get up here to the edge of the last ice age.

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Elmer Phud
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S'obvious, innit?

Antartica is at the bottom of the planet so it's only natural that the ice falls down there from the Arctic.

Scientists eh? bloody hopeless!

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Mighty Blighty broadbanders beg: Let us lay cable in BT's, er, ducts

Elmer Phud
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Re: Are Ofcom a complete waste of space?

"Anon, 'cos we're not supposed to do this sort of thing, but instead pay BT to do what they should have done in the first bloody place as part of the installation."

To be honest, most phone engineers are grateful for someone to tidy up the clag that accumulated over the years.

I took it back to where the O/H feed comes in and moved that box to somewhere more easy to get at for all. Never had any issues with engineers - I were one, once, so they get a cuppa as well as not having to work in crap conditions.

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New Snapchat Snapcash service inspires amateur PORN STARS

Elmer Phud
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SnatchChat?

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We come bearing caviar: ISS 'nauts arrive at station in SPAAACE

Elmer Phud
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Re: Caviar in spaaaace?

Think that's bad?

Wait until the open the bubbly.

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Businessman takes Google to High Court to block online abuse from search results

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You stupid BRICK! PCs running Avast AV can't handle Windows fixes

Elmer Phud
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This morning everything froze and I had to hit the power button.

After the lappy came back to life I wondered why Avast was being so busy before it al stopped.

(but there was yet another Ffox update so . . .)

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'Regin': The 'New Stuxnet' spook-grade SOFTWARE WEAPON described

Elmer Phud
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Re: Stop calling it National Security

With cattle you can take away the battery from the shock system and they will still keep away from the fence.

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Pitchfork-wielding villagers hunt hairy shapeshifters in One Night Ultimate Werewolf

Elmer Phud
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Sounds a bit like Avalon - which is basically the 'sit in a circle and close your eyes' Mafia game.

(I'm a big fan of 'Family Business' - which has nearly caused fights before)

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In a mall at the weekend? WORSE STILL, are you LOST?

Elmer Phud
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But . . .

. . . I don't want to know where I am, just where the hell I left the car.

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Webcam hacker pervs in MASS HOME INVASION

Elmer Phud
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Yup, and regularly from then to now we get told that these devices are vulnerable.

There ought to be another news category for the Reg -- 'Haven't we heard this one before . . .' , or 'we told you so . . .'

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