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* Posts by Elmer Phud

2967 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

LOHAN and the amazing technicolor spaceplane

Elmer Phud
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A.N.D.

"So good, in fact, that we rushed mob-handed down the pub "

The Crick and Watson method - tested and approved.

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Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise

Elmer Phud
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Re: anti semitism question

"Now of course what would happen is King John the slimy would take out a loan to pay for his war again king phillip the bastard."

And, of course when things go bad and the money people say you're a bad risk due over-enthusiastic bloodlust leading to a dramatic drop in the popularity ratings and won't cough up any more dosh --

It sure ain't the fault of the ratings loser (sorry, this t'internet -- should be looser) but the fault of the now overnight devious and scheming Jews.

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Hearthstone: Heroes of Warcraft – A jolly little war for lunchtime

Elmer Phud
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Familiar?

"What cards you play, how you play them, and the effects the cards have on the gameplay is what makes Hearthstone so interesting. "

That sounds a bit like Cosmic Encounters

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Hackers attempt to BLACKMAIL plastic surgeons

Elmer Phud
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Re: I'm disappointed

THERE IS NO JUSTICE, JUST ME!

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Elmer Phud
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Re: SQL injection ?

"I think they'll be giving the website a facelift then."

Certainly don't need any work on the boobs though.

(something about tightening up the back door . . .)

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Red-faced LOHAN team 'fesses up in blown SPEARS fuse fiasco

Elmer Phud
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Boffin

Standard Procedure

To avoid embarassing questions and awkward moments, the corporate model ought to be utilised in this situation.

Locate the one employee that had no part in putting together the bits, the sole worker who is looked on as merely a passenger.

Sorry Frogmanaut -- you get the P45.

Nothing personal, it's just business.

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BSkyB, CityFibre, TalkTalk pull clear of bigwig BT's bundles – plan to set fibre to York

Elmer Phud
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"unbundle BT's FTTC cabinets"

How about unbundling other cabinets instead?

I have lovely light green ducting that runs past my house yet my BT line is O/H.

horses for courses -- BT have already been forced to let half-arsed cable jockeys in thier cabs.

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Be prepared... for your Scouts-loving sprog to become tiny spin doctor

Elmer Phud
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Re: What media relations badge?

" which involves a visit to a fire station,"

Yeah, but that's not part of fire safety - it's more like hunting a dying species.

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Murdoch says Microsoft needs 'big clean out'

Elmer Phud
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Professional immigrant

Murdoch is just a chancer.

Oz, we're tired of him - can we give him back now?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: It's quite sad really...

"He owns large parts of the Western press, has the ear of all leading Western governments, and is a multi-billionaire."

O.k. then - he's a rich parasite

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Facebook claims 100 MEEELLION active users in India

Elmer Phud
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Users?

In the West we have a hell of a lot of users who are dogs, cats, donkeys, goldfish, babies etc.etc.

Where will the similar users come from in India?

Then there are those naughty people with several FB accounts.

I expect more 'trainers and sunglasses' spam, a lot more.

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Ancient Earth asteroid strike that dwarfed dinosaur killer still felt today

Elmer Phud
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Greetings

A big up and shout out to the Asteroid Massive.

The earth moved for me.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: It should be measured in Essex girl knee tremblers.

Doesn't that only measure frequency?

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PC market's bleeding slows thanks to XP phase-out

Elmer Phud
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PC or not PC?

Had a call from a friend yesterday -- they have an ancient PC and a now dead (I was beginning to call it Frankenstien* as I'd resurrected it so many times) laptop.

"what are we gong to do ?, there are all these messages and pop ups "

'Put the kettle on and start the updates off - you'll be O.K.for a while'

They have an old flatscreen monitor that has a far lower res than a £250 lappy screen, the PC is run off steam and has even less memory than politician.

So it's a £250 lappy they'll be gettting -- they have no need of a PC format any more.

The smart phone and tablet have replaced the old idea of a laptop and, for most, newer laptops have replaced the P.C.

And they'll be getting W8.? that's now a bit easier to make it look like a legacy O/S.

They will find it easier to adust to it than anything Penguin. And as they don't spend thier lives online, wrapped up in all things Google they won't neeed Chrome, either.

* yes, yes, I know.

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Solar-powered aircraft unveiled for round-the-world flight

Elmer Phud
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Blimey

"The solar powered motors are a record-breaking 94 per cent efficient"

Blimey!

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Just what could be inside Dropbox's new 'Home For Life'?

Elmer Phud
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Precursor?

This sort of behaviour usualy leads (in a few months) to a 'reorganisation to maximise company efficiency and refocus our targets on our core product'.

Gone before christmas?

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Honeybee boffin STINGS OWN WEDDING TACKLE... for SCIENCE

Elmer Phud
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Re: Dr?

Oi!

Bignose!

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Chrome makes new password grab in version 34

Elmer Phud
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WTF?

Re: Fortunately, there is still Firefox

" Nobody should use a browser that is made by people who don't support freedom of expression."

I'm about to put all my computers in a skip, I am now ashamed to use any tech, any more.

Most of my clothes will also go, my pushbike, my car, I won't be eating anything either.

I refuse to acknowlede the existance of the ISS or NASA.

I am ashamed to have ever bought anything in my life, ever.

I don't even know why I'm even typing this using a box of chips that has been made using the blood of newborn babies and fluffy bunnies.

What sort of closeted, isolated Shangri-La do you live in?

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Melting permafrost switches to nasty, high-gear methane release

Elmer Phud
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Yee ha!

It's gettin' warmer.

It's getting wetter.

Do we get dinosaurs coming back as well?

Jeez, just think of the complaints about methane then.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: The fat lady has sung

" then this shows that natural warming can happen more quickly then previously believed."

or 'before records began'

We've had 'Bid Wet' and 'Big Hot' before.

We've had 'Big Cold' and Big Dark' , too.

But we humans is selfish gits and think it's all thier own work - we have too much anthropomorphosising going on.

There is no 'Mother Earth' or 'Mother Nature' (where the Daddy?)

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Report mash-up: Apple to sell 65 million $269 iWatches in first year

Elmer Phud
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Re: You know they have reached market saturation

"when they start selling us unnecessary crap like this."

I'm trying to remember how many years ago it was when my nephew told me he'd got a Casio watch he could do allsorts of things with - including going in to Dixons (yup, some time back) and use his watch to change the channels and volume and anything else he could on all thier T.V.'s.

Start?, start?

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Gay marriage foes outraged at Mozilla CEO flap, call for boycott

Elmer Phud
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Well, they must be doing something right.

"while others labeled the nonprofit as "fascist" or "anti-Christian," "

This is like the BBC -- at any particular time you can find as many comments about them tools of the government AND being run by 'lefties'.

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Reg slips claws across Nokia's sexy sixties handsets, fondles flagship too

Elmer Phud
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Re: A question

"The sound quality is excellent."

FLAC

Mine was set to 'Europe' which meant it was rather quiet.

When I changed it to 'anywhere' it got nice and loud

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Wookiee! CHEWIE'S BACK in Star Wars Ep VII – blab Hollywood 'sources'

Elmer Phud
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Mr Creosote

"While it's known that the latest instalment will feature a trio of new beautiful young leads,"

'Get me a fucking bucket!'

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Not your father's spam: Trojan slingers attach badness to attachment WITHIN attachment

Elmer Phud
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zip file from the bank via email?

"The ZIP files poses as a password-protected archive containing a "secure message" from the intended victim's bank "

I can't think why the bank would want to send me a Russian doll email - especially a zip file.

Ah well, it's not as if I don't hover over links in emails from 'banks' anyway - it's always amusing to see the return address turning out to be one at Gmail.

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Internet is a TOOL OF SATAN that destroys belief, study claims

Elmer Phud
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" a few organised religions are noise compared to the church of Candy Crush and the ilk."

And they are all after your money - the one true God.

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India's GPS alternative launches second satellite

Elmer Phud
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To those who bleat about cost - you might have misssed something . . .

" That all seven INRSS craft are expected to be aloft by the end of 2015, at a combined cost of under $US300m,"

FFS!

The U.S. or E.U. would spunk that away just by producing Powerpoint presentations for one operation with not a single spanner being lifted.

The Indians may have invented Binary - they ought to be allowed to use in now and then.

Usual Wiki quote:

"The concept of zero as a number and not merely a symbol or an empty space for separation is attributed to India, where, by the 9th century AD, practical calculations were carried out using zero, which was treated like any other number, even in case of division.[14][15] The Indian scholar Pingala (circa 5th–2nd century BC) used binary numbers in the form of short and long syllables (the latter equal in length to two short syllables), making it similar to Morse code.[16][17]"

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Left swipe! That hot Tinder babe is a malware-flinging ROBOT

Elmer Phud
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Arfur ucksache

"Hey, how are you doing? I’m still recovering from last night :) Relaxing with a game on my phone, castle clash. Have you heard about it? http://tinderverified.com/castleclash[removed]. Play with me and you may get my phone number."

Bleedin' ell' -- that reads almost the same as a message one of my girls got when she was on Habbo Hotel. (both had been trained early on to spot possibly -dodgy stuff and, if not sure, tell me).

That time there was an idiot on the other end of the message so I was able to show her how to carefully draw them in and keep them busy for an hour or more while you get on with other things.

But, really, do people actually fall for that sport of shite?

They need a basic £15 Nokia and they are totally at odds with anything that resembles a 'smart' phone.

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USA opposes 'Schengen cloud' Eurocentric routing plan

Elmer Phud
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Re: EU like Royston Vasey

" there's nothing for you hear"

We ain't mutton y'know.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: @MrT

"That's a damn lie! I've been to Toronto for the baseball. And my brother-in-law once went to Puerto Rico. (And it's traveled.)"

Now now, you know damned well that both of those are considered to be merely U.S. in waiting.

If you can drive there it's reckoned to still be U.S.

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Tesla in 'Ethernet port carries data' SCANDAL

Elmer Phud
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Coat

Re: "showing a Firefox install running on the console."

"Keep the gays away, or the car could burst into flames!"

It's a good job it's electric then, otherwise the engine would get flooded

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The Punch and Judy show is LIVE NOW cancelled

Elmer Phud
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Flame

Sand in yer eye

Bloody foreign sand coming over here . . .

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Why ever leave home? Amazon wants to turn your kitchen into a shop

Elmer Phud
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Nice little earner.

As I do not just poke at a Tesco (or other store) app to get food and stuff I'm also not brand-loyal.

I will use whatever shop is handy to me depending on what i need and where I am.

I also spent a while teaching r'kids to check 'special' offers and other discounted or promotional things for value so also want to look to see whether 2 for 1 is better than 3 for 2. Plus there is the cost per unit issue where similar items might be labelled in Litres where another is marked in Kilos.

Leaving it all to your kitchen when you have set it up with your loyalty card details for just the one provider is one hell of a mistake.

I don't expect to see my fridge give a choice of supermarkets or trawl for best value - especiallly as many of my local shops provide the more regionalised foods. Why buy rice in a supermarket when the Indian shop sells it far cheaper?

Or the corner shop is cheaper for onions and spuds than Tesco (frequently, the standard foods are cheaper elsewhere).

Oh, and I don't really want to encourage more shit delivery drivers who are often so bad they must have even failed as mini-cab drivers.

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In three hours, Microsoft gave the Windows-verse everything it needed

Elmer Phud
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Re: None of this changes anything

"windows 8 dead"

(And W98 SE was miles better than W98)

Yes, dear - we know that .

Some of us aware of an update of W8.1 that will pretty much give us W8.2 (or W8.1 SP2).

And guess what?

We are happy with it.

I'm so sorry that I don't have time to arse around trying one Linux distro after another, finding out what devices now don't work - that sort of thing.

Some of us don't spend all bloody evening under the bonnet of a half-working computer and don't want to. We are not the modern equivalent of car-fiddling 20 somethings who brag about tiny inconsequential tweaks that took hours to sort out.

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Google's Nest halts sales of its fire alarm – because waving your hand switches it off

Elmer Phud
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Love it

Fire breaks out - people naturally do the Team America secret signal.

Fire alarm turns off.

Wonderful

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'Bank couriers' who stole money from OAP cancer sufferer jailed

Elmer Phud
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Re: "they don’t disconnect the call [..] you are actually still speaking to the fraudster"

" Did it work with really early telephone exchanges, perhaps? "

Yup, when folks didn't have loads of lines available it was a common thing for mini cab firms to ring each other and leave the phone off the hook - it meant they couldn't get any customers phoning in.

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Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest

Elmer Phud
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Re: Where are the values?

"Ronnie Soak is quite happy just delivering dairy products."

Anywhere and at the same time -- it's all quantum, innit?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Where are the values?

"Why can't the children play with destruction of Sodom and Gonorrhea? "

IT was fine for a while but as as a family game I'm fed up as I have lost a child but gained an extra salt shaker.

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Elmer Phud
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Pole polisher?

Years ago, my nippers never had the delights of these modern Lego sets and characters.

Not only that but no-one ever brought toy guns for my two girls but that never stopped them from making all sorts od ordnance from Lego bricks.

My youngest (butter wouldn't melt etc.) used to build rooms in Sims, have a wall full of fireplaces, fill the rest of the room with sofas then put a few Sims in and remove the door. That's when she wasn't building swimming pools, filliing them with childen and removing the steps. It was such a small step form discovering how much fun it was to takeaway the toilets.

Nowadays, she's still the mild-mannered, thoughtful, kind peaceful person but also one of the nastiest, most viscious mass-killers on WoW I've ever seen.

Mr Priest -- yer too late.

And anyway, I've seen small kids have gun fights using teddy bears as pretend guns.

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MPs attack BT's 'monopolistic' grip on gov-subsidised £1.2bn rural broadband rollout

Elmer Phud
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Politicians slag off politicians for getting it wrong?

So, these people who were happy to see it all happen in front of them - and maybe even voted for it - are now not happy?

Has competition not failed so much as not been the goose laying golden eggs after all. Were they expecting the same as the total dogs breakfast as cable TV where a fair bit of money was made very quickly followed by acquisitions and eventually a couple of top dogs?

The early days of BB were a nightmare with so many companies after a quick buck but providing absolutely shit service . Modems that came out of Kinder Eggs or Cornflake packets then blaming BT for isssues (no Tiscali weren't the only ones), World plus dog complaining of drop-outs and slow speeds when a closer look at traffic showed constant up trafffic and very little down - spam city usually due to original AntiV subs running out.

No-one wants to pay money to ensure (not even) remote places get decent speeds. Where's the quick profit in that? Best to moan at others instead.

They ARE about to spunk millions and millions on applying more plasters on our crap roads though.

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BT Tower to be replaced by 3D printed BT Tower

Elmer Phud
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Damn

It may be a hoax but Boris has been approached by men coming from the East and thinks that another expensive, useless penis replica would be fine as long as he can find a park to build over.

Biggest laugh was that Boris is putting more money in to publicising Boris-Island while suggesting Heathrow should be built over.

(Shakespeare's fools were usually wise men)

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OkCupid falls out of love with 'anti-gay' Firefox, tells people to see other browsers

Elmer Phud
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I'm going to stop using . . .

Microsoft as I can't stand those selfish bastards who give away millions to help others.

I'm going to stop using any form of LINUX as it's used by criminals.

I refuse to like Chrome as I don't like metal.

I'm never, ever going to use anything ever again that has been made by Chinese people or Vietnamese or or or.

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LOHAN team gears up for Punch and Judy show

Elmer Phud
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Boffin

Normal tech for us lowlifes

A welcome sight of gaff tape and string!

Now I understand how it all works!

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Brit game devs WILL get tax relief for, er, EastEnders Game and Legend of Slough

Elmer Phud
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Re: Game of Thrones

Cheeky - that game finished years ago.

There's one now about closing schools and giving them to American Hedge Funds.

From the same stable as 'I See No NHS'

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Queue simulator...

Manage that level and you get to 'Self-Service Till!'

Can you complete the task without:

Calling an assistant without looking like a twat.

Get through the entire scanning level without goiing 'It's in the fucking bagging area!"

Find out where you're supposed to put the credit card.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: British Military?

How about an earlier version of the current business in the Crimea . .

Oh, hang on a bit.

Alright then 'Dunquerke - Escape to Victory'?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Rockstar to announce next GTA sequel

Still a need to get the ferry out to Glasgow.

Packages to deliver and that . . .

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Elmer Phud
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Re: War games.....

" The land of the brits would've been destroyed in WW1 and 2 were it not for Burger King land from overseas."

What, no mention of them damned Russkies who Hun got so annoyed with they went a bit Harpic and spunked loads and loads of peeps and stuff on?

'Kin Merkins were just a bunch of wasteful show-offs (so my Dad told me) who decided that they just had to use a second nuke as they had one hanging about doing nothing.

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Spooks vs boffins: MIT bods say they've created PRISM-proof encryption

Elmer Phud
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Re: Meanwhile...

"obviously you are a paedoterrerist..."

'Islamic communist paedoterr' fixed it for you ;-)

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Return of the Jedi.

"A pity this won't affect the likes of Facebook though."

As usual, it depends on the value of the data being slurped, doesn't it.?

They can slurp mine all day -- a profile can be built up but still won't know my name, age, gender etc.etc.

At the same time how many that crow 'I'm not on Facebook!' never check to see what info thier 'smart' phone/tablet is broadcasting?

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