* Posts by Elmer Phud

4180 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

UK copyright troll weeps, starts 20-week stretch in the cooler for beating up Uber driver

Elmer Phud
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WTF?

Oh, please don't put me in jail . . .

""This will destroy my life, I am the director of a company and everyone would lose their jobs. We have 1,000 clients, we have staff all around the country, and it would die," "

Standard defence for arseholes.

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NHS 'paperless roadmap': Fewer dead trees, more data control

Elmer Phud
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Does paperless mean more time?

Currently going through process that will end up with radiotherapy to deal with prostate cancer.

The ambulance chasers have instilled procedures where my GP gets a letter each time I see a consultant.

If my GP gets one each time a patient on thier books sees a specialist or has a hospital appointment then they do not have time to do thier job properly as they are inundated with paper.

How this would be any different, I fail to see.

The GP will still have to tick a box somewhere, mark it 'read or whatever'.

I can only forsee another round of IT consultancy firms making money.

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Hacker takes down CEO wire transfer scammers, sends their Win 10 creds to the cops

Elmer Phud
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The higher you aim in an organisation, the easier it is for click-bait to work.

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Newest Royal Navy warship weighs as much as 120 London buses

Elmer Phud
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Warship?

There are football club owners who would regard something that size as a day-boat.

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Ireland looks like it's outpacing Britain in the superfast broadband rollout stakes

Elmer Phud
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Will they stop at the border and go "sorry, before Brexit we'd have just carried on but now . . . "

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BSODs at scale: We laugh at your puny five storeys, here's our SIX storey #fail

Elmer Phud
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and over at the entertainment industry . . .

as there are numerous Chinese knock-off of lighting and sound desks, the number of BSOD displayed at gigs, conferences etc. is maybe bigger than you'd think

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Notting Hill Carnival spycams: Met Police rolls out real-time live face-spotting tech

Elmer Phud
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Re: Its a Canival FFS, not a Police Identity Parade. Leave People be.

They've been recording faces at Carnival for decades.

I remember when they went from a battery of stills cameras on the WestWay overpass to adding video cameras.

It's important to remember the history of the area and the old, old antipathy between the police and the black community. It was a really run down, area way back.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Time for some face paint

They could try the 'must have something to hide' gamble but there are plenty of lawyers who would question the need to stop people joining in the festivities, fortunately.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Forbidden

or nicked for a spliff a few times.

It ain't just yer cardboard cutout, the stereotype.

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Elmer Phud
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Carnival just is.

That's why.

It doesn't(didn't) belong to anyone but the local people - no church, no state, no royalty -- just people.

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Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's... er, Graphene bubbles – 200 times stronger than Superman

Elmer Phud
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Re: Gigapascals?

Depends how many Nuns you take off first

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Facebook, Twitter and Google are to blame for terrorism, say MPs

Elmer Phud
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"Facebook, Twitter and Google are to blame for terrorism, say MPs"

and there was me thinking it was mainly down to religion.

shows what I know

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Going! going! pwned? 200! million! Yahoo! logins! leaked! allegedly!

Elmer Phud
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If its the 2012 stuff then possibly.

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Virgin Galactic wins US operator's licence for SpaceShipTwo

Elmer Phud
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Space?

Many of those who clamoured (or were given tickets?) for the first flight will have snuffed it by the time the 'SS Branson' does its first proper flight.

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UK's 'Sir King Cash' card fraudster ordered to cough up £560,000

Elmer Phud
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"His Majesty [no – ed] had been convicted of purchasing stolen card numbers from Russian hackers, then using the cards to make purchases from his own online music service and DJ equipment store, the "profits" of which he then cashed out and used to go on a spending spree "

There is something there that makes me think he's not really the sharpest blunt thing in the box.

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Elmer Phud
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U R Theresa May AICMFP

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Unicode serves up bacon emoji

Elmer Phud
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There's a thingy shaped like a vegetable

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Science Museum maths gallery to offer the perfect pint

Elmer Phud
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Zero

Does it tell of the struggle to get zero adopted in the West?

That awful thing that is something representing nothing.

What have the Romans done for us?

Held us back for several hundred years, is what.

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Elmer Phud
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Considering the lineage of the Royals --- shouldn't you be quaffing Litres?

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Boring SpaceX lobs another sat into orbit without anything blowing up ... zzzzz

Elmer Phud
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Re: Poor article

Delta v

You have made one (1, uno) post and managed to totally miss what was being said in the article.

This is El Reg, we've done all the 'engine' stuff before, if you'd beeen around earlier you'd understand the 'boring' bit.

Please don't behave like the person who only goes the the pub once a year and only watches football once a year and doesn't settle in to the game before asking which City player is Rooney.

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NASA: We'll try again in the morning after friction ruins engorgement

Elmer Phud
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"Pump it up when you don't really need it.

Pump it up until you can feel it."

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Queen guitarist Brian May releases virtual reality viewer

Elmer Phud
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I'm going to badger my mum until I get one

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Elmer Phud
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Re: 360° badger sett simulator

Same ones, just 'Re-cycled, re-cycled'

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ISS pump-up space podule refuses to engorge

Elmer Phud
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Paris Hilton

Forgotten?

There is a way of sorting this out - but someting lately we have forgotten about:

(see Icon)

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ISS 'nauts to inflate pump-up space podule

Elmer Phud
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Down here we (well, for a given quantity of 'we' are celebratnig the glorious 25th (How shall we rise up?) and up there they get a bloody bouncy castle!

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Labour scores review of Snoopers' Charter's bulk powers from UK.gov

Elmer Phud
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Re: Ha ha ha haaaa

Thank you for your erudite and concise input, Nigel.

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Elmer Phud
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Another failure

Another failure in the run up to the Leasership bun(g)fight.

Many Tory ministers and Ex-ministers have been seen prancing about before chucking hats in the ring.

IDS, Boris 'the unfeasbly useless' Johnson etc.

Not to be confused with the EU thang but it all seems to be wrapped up together for the main contenders.

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Republicans threaten to derail internet transition

Elmer Phud
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All the Republicans are worried about is links to gay porn sites missing and missing links to 'male escorts'.

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Flash zero day phished phoolish Microsoft Office users

Elmer Phud
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M$ update yesterday.

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Smut apps infecting Androids with long-gestation nasties

Elmer Phud
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Apps?

When do you need apps to look at porn?

(this does not include that fact that we no longer have 'programmes' but 'apps' instead)

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Elmer Phud
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Pirate

Re: "plunder older Android devices through infected porn apps"

'Beleiver's make really easy marks.

They are programmed to accept and obey.

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Sysadmin paid a month's salary for one day of nothing

Elmer Phud
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OT

God, how I tried to get on the list for Y2K changeover but failed.

Everyone wanted a slice.

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Apple bans benign iOS spyware detection, security info app

Elmer Phud
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Re: Quite Simple Really

Ah, ALL Backdoors are nasty except ours.

And we need ours to ensure optimum performance and security is maintained -- here, have another U2 album.

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Guilty! Trump delivers orange justice to Amazon

Elmer Phud
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Re: Pot calling the kettle black

His business model seems to be based around bankruptcy.

Create a company, get investors, move the dosh, go bankrupt --- repeat until 'National Hero' when you can do the same to an entire country.

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Gov to pull plug on online ID verification portal Gateway in 2018

Elmer Phud
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Re: To be fair...

"you will loose the will to live,"

I just did!

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Microsoft phone support contractors told to hang up after 15 minutes

Elmer Phud
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Hmm. . .

For a while did internal IT support Helldesk for a very large phone company.

We mainly supported managers.

15 minutes?

Hah!

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Label your cables: A cautionary tale from the server room

Elmer Phud
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not just servers

Some time back, as part of a large PBX changeover, people were trying to identify private circuits and unmarked exchange lines on an ancient and messy frame.

Our 'manager' paid a vist with his boss in tow -- and moaned about the time being spent on identifying circuts over a multi-building site.

His boss actually suggested cutting cables to see who complained.

After his ears had stopped ringing from several of us grunts telling him he was a total fuckwit, we asked him which circuits in the hospital (UCH) were going to what critical equipment? and which might be crash lines.

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Dragon capsule bids adios to ISS

Elmer Phud
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"samples from human research, biology and biotechnology studies, physical science investigations and education activities"

Soooo, it's a dustcart.

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Kepler space telescope spots 1,284 new planets

Elmer Phud
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special? I wish I was special . .

"we are the special ones"

I refuse to be another Jose.

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Prince of pop trash PerezHilton pwned, visitors hit with cryptxxx

Elmer Phud
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Flies round . . . .

If you go to a site that spews out shite for you to take delight in other's plight . . .

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Don't split Openreach, says BT, and we'll splash BEELLIONS on broadband and 4G

Elmer Phud
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As one who was in the middle of the last fiasco, please bear a thought for those internal BT HellDesk workers who pick up the phone and go 'Hello, am I allowed to talk to you today?'.

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NASA, USGS publish topographical map of Mercury

Elmer Phud
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Re: Countdown 3...2...1

Oh, come off it!

We can clearly see that the image is a poorly 'shopped pic of a mouldy tangerine!

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'I thought my daughter clicked on ransomware – it was the damn Windows 10 installer'

Elmer Phud
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Not Yet

Thanks to the many posts on El Reg, I have deferred W10 until a reasonable release. Also thanks to those who point others towards GWX.

I've been watching the update stuff and so far haven't seen a W10 installer either as non-crtical or critical update.

I had the notification icon for months (now removed) and despite world+dog appearing to have the beast delivered I seem to have been forgotten.

I still don't trust the buggers and expect to have to spend a while digging around unticking boxes eventually in various 'security' and 'personalization' sections.

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29 years of data shows no mobile phone brain cancer link

Elmer Phud
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But what about the rest of it?

My phone may not be spreading cancer after all but I know it sends subliminal messages about multi-vaccinations and that measles is on the increase .

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Auto erotic: Self-driving cars will let occupants bonk on the go

Elmer Phud
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As an occasional cyclist I reckon that this is only a small step as, from my experience, vehicles with 'A.L.' on them are driven by complete wankers.

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How IT are you? Find out now in our HILARIOUS quiz!

Elmer Phud
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Printer hassles option E

right-click on printer, remove.

turn printer back on -- if no printing then how the fuck are we supposed to fix a hardware problem on a Friday?!

move them to another print queue as geographically as far way from thier desk as is possible - and tell them is it only a 'temporary fix to get you back and working'.

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Sysadmin given Licence To Perve shows why you always get it in writing

Elmer Phud
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Re: SAID NO MANAGER EVER

We used to in our team - including the manager.

We all would revert to corporate teamspeak when we needed to -- just to take the piss

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Elmer Phud
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Re: "What have you had to get in writing?"

Yup, while at a large telecoms firm, I kept emails archived well away from Outlook.

I had a few run-ins with middle managent sending emails then saying or doing the opposite.

Heated discussions led to them going 'Oh, yeah?' but wilting when I said I kept and archived off-server anything I considered to be relevant.

eg 'can you help out with such and such a team who are overrun with work at the moment?'

Then I get up to Manchester and the level one manager says 'Ah, our secondment'.

Back in London I raised this and was shouted down with threats of 'disciplinary' until I unfolded a printout of his original email.

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MIT boffins build AI bot that spots '85 per cent' of hacker invasions

Elmer Phud
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Re: The most important question to come from this article......

When they hang up their pipes

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What's wrong with the Daily Mail Group buying Yahoo?

Elmer Phud
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Re: Woe, woe and thrice woe!

A prime example is the Independant comments - every single one seems to be hijacked by EDL/BNP/UKIP ranters.

No attempts to even menton the actual subject apart from a lever to rant about Muslims, Migrants, Corbyn, etc.etc.

(and elsewhere here we are informed it is some sort of Trotskyist collectivethat is responsible)

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