* Posts by Elmer Phud

3661 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Bongfire of Inanity: Jakarta rozzers enforce mass chill-out

Elmer Phud
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"The crystal methamphetamine and ecstasy pills were reportedly destroyed in a blender."

'reportedly' -- but now, thanks to a pill-forming machine, availabe to you via your local supplier.

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LOOK OUT, Brits – is that a Facebook LASER-GUN drone above us?

Elmer Phud
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Re: Do starving Sub Saharan give a jot about Zucks Interwibbles

YOU MAY HAVE EXCEEDED YOUR CAPS QUOTA FOR THIS MONTH!!!

<<<CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE MORE CAPS>>>

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Bye bye, booth babes. IT security catwalk RSA nixes sexy outfits

Elmer Phud
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Tits

You can remove the tits from conventions but not the retrogessive attitude of may of the posters here who seem to think that the packaging is far more than the contents -- even bigger tits.

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Get off Facebook if you value your privacy, EU commish tells court

Elmer Phud
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As usual, this assumes that everyone on FB dutifully fills in all the personal guff.

Isn't it the dog and cat accounts that have more personal stuff than anything else?

With all the analysis stuff that FB have bought over the years they ough to be able to scan my posts and tell me where I live, when I was born and educated etc. -- but they just keep on asking.

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Ford: Our latest car gizmo will CHOKE OFF your FUEL if you're speeding

Elmer Phud
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Re: France Rain Speed Limit

Doesn't seem to work at all -- mobile phone juggling is far to common, as is the 'cross-hands' steering and gearchange' and the 'I can prop the phone under my chin while I navigate heavy traffic' or the 'I MUST always stop well in front of the white line'.

Can't legislate for twatability.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Another nail in the coffin...

"We need to *educate* drivers better, "

Yup, like 'don't whinge about being caught in a 50 mph zone -- use yer fekking cruise control!'

and 'those signs -- they do NOTmean that it is safe to drive at that speed anywhere on this road -- YOU are supposed to be incontrol of the vehicle.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Human nature

"That would stop speeding. Dead."

The Spike is reckoned to be the best thing to teach drivers to drive properly.

And has been highly recommended by Police driving instructors and other advanced driving instructors for years..

Even the thought of what happens when brakes are applied rapidly and driver is not wearing a seat belt seems to be alien to many drivers.

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Blockhead fugitive Snapchats himself into police custody

Elmer Phud
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""A search of the kitchen cabinets turned up some food, some pots and pans, and also a pair of feet. The pair of feet just so happened to be attached to a person, and that person was Christopher Wallace. "

Made oi larf.

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Microsoft enlists web security pariah Adobe to help build Internet Explorer-killer Spartan

Elmer Phud
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Ah, come off it!

Not enough meat on small people . . .

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Make up your mind: Microsoft puts a bullet in Internet Explorer after all

Elmer Phud
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Re: Launcher

MS's model was to have IE at the core of everything.

(is the Desktop still an IE session?)

That hasn't worked - not for MS, though Google have managed it.

It almost seems as if they still want something similar - it's all 'active desktop'.

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Elmer Phud
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"is the fault of both Labour and Conservative governments "

Now, you;re not going to suggest there is a third bunch of politican who will gather the NHS in to its bosom and nurture and care for it are you?

The other purple and yellow mob are all set to assset strip the NHS then offer it up for TTIP.

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Hated biz smart meter rollout: UK.gov sticks chin out, shuts eyes

Elmer Phud
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Re: I don't get it at all.

"They're meant to allow gas suppliers to sack all their meter readers,"

Do any of the companies have thier own anymore?

Round here it seems to be some sort of intermediary outfit - with little time to spare.

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Greedy web borg Facebook to SLURP news websites' golden nuggets

Elmer Phud
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When I were a lad

It used to be Ol' Rupes that was consuming all before, then it was Google that was taking over the planet - now it is Facebook.

I'm waiting for the modern version of a Godzilla film - I just hope we survive the fallout.

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That's a big 4Ker of a cosmos: 3D planetarium to open in Bristol

Elmer Phud
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Re: Will there be toilets too?

Is that for the 'Business User Model Simulation'?

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ROBOT INVASION has already STARTED in HIPSTERLAND

Elmer Phud
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Scutters in the workplace!

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Millions of voters are missing: It’s another #GovtDigiShambles

Elmer Phud
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Registering?

I'ver done the online form thing and at the end it says that the info is passed off to my LA.

Considering my LA has recently decided to use the services* of Crapita I'm now wondering if I'll be registered for the Genreal election in time and also , in which country.

*services as in 'Divine Brown' services as in being screwed.

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Cops cuff Colorado girl for allegedly poisoning mum after iPhone ban

Elmer Phud
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Re: What she needed

" while the "parent" is busy jabbering on their telephone in a tone that carries two aisles over."

It starts before that -- there usued to be conversations between kids in buggies and adults.

Now it's an ignored and thus whining child.

Anyone weilding a double-buggy and attempting to use a phone ought to be given lessons on both social interaction and the Highway Code -- not in control of a vehicle, due care and attention, shoving bugggie in to road while waiting at crossing -etc.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: The girl is ill. She's addicted to tech

"This girl went totally apeshit and called her parents Torturers, War Criminals and worse. The family was only going to be out of phone range for two days but for this girl, it was the end of the world."

Well, yeah, I:ve been called worse by teenagers.

And it's usually Groan-ups that are the first to whinge when they can't get to this week's must have totally pointess waste of time and bandwidth. Where do you think the kids get it from?

(See also 'whadddayamean I can't get a signal on the Tube!' )

(see also 'I am unable to drive without texting or chatting and fuck the rest of you)

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Elmer Phud
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Re: @Kain It is Ma that needs help here

"Every new born is a blank and slate any genetic tendency can be overwritten by nurture."

Care to 'cure' me of homosexuality?

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Firefox, Chrome, IE, Safari EXPLOITED to OWN Mac, PCs at Pwn2Own 2015

Elmer Phud
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would that explain

why Ffox has had two updates in the past two days?

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Blighty's 12-sided quid to feature schoolboy's posterior

Elmer Phud
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Re: Homage to the old 'Thrupenny Bit'...

Not sure of the rhyming slang for the new coin. . .

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Web geeks grant immortality to Sir Terry Pratchett – using smuggled web code

Elmer Phud
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"Am I the only person who thinks this is a crass waste of time, effort and bandwidth by people who

usually consider themselves more intelligent than average?"

I doubt it, but it was nice of you to tell us.

Have a banana

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Elmer Phud
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Re: This makes me so happy

" VLC versions are named after Discworld characters, version 2.1.5 is 'Rincewind'"

I used to grin when it said it was updating TwoFlower.

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Osbo: Choose a f*cking IoT fridge. Choose spirit-crushing driverless cars

Elmer Phud
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WTF?

Fridge Facebook Friends.

While we are waiting for the bollock-nosed towel-folding nore-powder afficionado to ensure my fridge can grouse about behind my back ---

I can't bloody register to vote on-line as the site says there is something wrong and I should come back later.

George - before spendin my money of more shite - try to get the currrent shite workng first. Oh, hang on, it is policy to fail most systems and then re-do the contracts to ensure that the right people get paid well -- at least twice.

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Windows 10 will finally drop in 'summer' says Microsoft

Elmer Phud
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Passwords?

I'd prefer to stick with a password -- and give the others the finger.

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LOHAN unleashes 'waiting for the FAA' collector mug

Elmer Phud
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'How long?' timer

You'll realise it's been a while when the 'batteryless' keyring goes dim.

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Universal Credit could take 10 YEARS to finish, says Labour MP

Elmer Phud
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"“Our current plan is on track and we are making good progress."

So, we are to expect an announcement next year that it's is a pile of poo, a 'team of consultants' brought in to assess the situation and - following a few hundred grand;s worth of 'consulting' - it will be scrapped, penalties paid off and another system started up.

It seems to be the way things work -- no system, yet, seems to have escaped the impact of 'new management has to make an impression and unfeaseable tweaks demanded on a whim'.

Universally buggered!

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Alibaba hopes to roll net-connected car out of the cave

Elmer Phud
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Why . . .

. . .is there a donkey's penis in the logo?

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Sir Terry remembered: Dickens' fire, Tolkien's imagination, and the wit of Wodehouse

Elmer Phud
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Ooooooeeeeooooooooeeooooooooeooeooooeeeeoeoooo!

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RIP Sir Terry Pratchett: Discworld author finally gets to meet DEATH

Elmer Phud
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Re: ― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

Sorry, only allowed one upvote.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: The turtle has stoped

Nope, the turtle still moves.

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Price slashed on Reg-branded Swiss Army Knife

Elmer Phud
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Re: Leatherman

"Victorinox blades come damned sharp, but can also be resharpened more easily than the steel Leatherman uses."

'Can I have a look at your knife?'

'Yes, but watch out, the blades are shar . . . oh, never mind, it'll stop bleeding soon'

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MPs 'alarmed' by millions of mugshots on Brit cops' databases

Elmer Phud
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I wonder . . .

. . . . how far back the photos go.

Anyone going to Notting Hill Carnival years ago will remember the line of cops on the flyover filming and snapping at anything that moved.

I'd love to see how young I looked then.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Future, what future

"I'm pissed off with our political leaders, namely Labour, Lib Dems and the Conservatives, since the expenses scandal. I will never vote for these parties, but I will vote, for some other candidate not belonging to them. If everyone did the same these parties would take notice; and who will the rich and powerful 'support' then?"

Dunno, your standards also mean no UKIP - they are led by a money-man and funded by money-men.

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Boffins probe mystery of ANTARCTIC BLOOD GLACIER

Elmer Phud
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Is there life on . . .

"making them additions to the growing list of extremophiles that find ways to live without direct input of solar energy or oxygen."

I love this science stuff.

It keeps on buggering over the satus-quo.

It keeps on pointing out things like this where folks reckon you can't have life without the usual two that us humans rely on.

Humans?

What's so special about humans? - compared to some life-forms on this planet those humans are really delicate little things.

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In assault on American values, Lockheed BLASTS PICKUP with RAYGUN

Elmer Phud
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Alert

Target car

Remind me, should I decide to become a bad terrorist overnight (not a 'Freedom Fighter) to never strip the paint of my car (or Toyota pick-up) and park it up at 45 degrees.

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BILLION email address spam scam: Feds collar two blokes, hunt another

Elmer Phud
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Re: My Favorite Way To Fight The Spamrats:

"It's one reason I get nearly zero spam."

I'm not running SpamCop and I also do not get much in the way of spam.

The occasional remnant of the big Yahoo/Hotmail raid but nothing much at all, one or two a week

Even the on-line spam filter doesn't really trap that much - maybe about 10 a day.

Now and then the odd advert from China but then if you buy online it's to be expected as I was involved in a legitimate transaction.

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Fareit trojan pwns punters with devious DNS devilry

Elmer Phud
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Flash -- AAARRGH

Why should anyone just blindly do a 'Flash Update' from FaceBook or anywhere else that isn't the Flash site?

It's not exactly difficult to do a check from the browser itself rather than the 'bloke down the pub's mates' dog says . . .' method.

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GSMA: Er, sorry about that MWC brothel ad with our logo

Elmer Phud
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That's just the adverts -- you may find that you get slightly over-ripe friut instead.

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Shove off, ugly folk, says site for people who love themselves

Elmer Phud
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Self lovers

So, yet another site for solipsistic wankers.

Must be soooo hard taking money from them folks

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Virtual reality WHIPLASH CHAIR in shutdown scare

Elmer Phud
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Re: Bussines edition…?

In adhering to the standard business model, the decison will be made higher up, the execution of the idea and any attributable blame will go to an underling.

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UK spaceport, phase two: Now where do we PUT the bleeding thing?

Elmer Phud
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S'obvious, innit?

Does Boris the unfeasably useless Johnson know about this?

The (insert lastest 'friend of Boris' here) Spaceport with a feking 'Mayor of London' poster all over it as of he actually had anything to do with it.

He would promise it will all be privately funded and 'somehow' need huge wedges of public funds to complete and run it.

Though the temptation to strap him to a launch vehicle would be hard to resist.

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Botched NBN installs leave folks with no internet, or recourse

Elmer Phud
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And folks moan about BT over here . . .

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Ford to save you from BIKE FITNESS HORROR

Elmer Phud
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Re: The old adage

Or - 10% of the original bike cost?

Tesco? When doing Dr Bikes I've condemned brand new Toys R Us flatpackshite.

'Take it back, you cannot used it as a BMX with the brake cable wrapped round the forks, or gears that don't work. Get yer money back and go to a BIKE SHOP not a 'Shop that sells bikes' "

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Weak article

"The point of an e-bike is not to go faster than a normal bike, it's to be less tiring."

I can only assume you've not seen the shots of the off-road bike that can do 45kph +

Or that my mates new leccy hub thingy gives him 15mph up Muswell Hill?

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Ford: Any gearing you want, as long as it's fixed

"Rohloff"

or the Sheldon bike with three at the front, ten at the back and a 14 speed Rohloff in the hub -- you do it 'cos you can.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: all the wheels?

"It's a bike and at the push of a button it folds into a transit van, with the back wheels removed*"

Well, yes.

That was my first thought.

But being all eco an all that stuff, shirley a brick of compressed paper or passing dolphin or similar?

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Unity, Mozilla team up to bring PEW! PEW! PEW! to browsers, too

Elmer Phud
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Coat

Pew! Pew!

And Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb?

yes, coat

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'Fry-OS 8' iPhone BLEW UP MY PANTS wails roasted Johnson

Elmer Phud
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Re: "instead of putting it in my pocket, I put it in the seat next to me"

"Not sure whether that says more about the apple demographic "

Fibber -- you know damned well that an iDIOT and his phone can never be parted.

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Is light a wave or a particle? Beaming boffins prove it's BOTH

Elmer Phud
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"On the reaction of a wire-restrained aardvark when irritated with a frikkin' shark-controlled laser pointer."

Erm, you do know that Apple are after $200mil for you using that quote?

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