* Posts by Elmer Phud

4168 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Going! going! pwned? 200! million! Yahoo! logins! leaked! allegedly!

Elmer Phud
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If its the 2012 stuff then possibly.

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Virgin Galactic wins US operator's licence for SpaceShipTwo

Elmer Phud
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Space?

Many of those who clamoured (or were given tickets?) for the first flight will have snuffed it by the time the 'SS Branson' does its first proper flight.

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UK's 'Sir King Cash' card fraudster ordered to cough up £560,000

Elmer Phud
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"His Majesty [no – ed] had been convicted of purchasing stolen card numbers from Russian hackers, then using the cards to make purchases from his own online music service and DJ equipment store, the "profits" of which he then cashed out and used to go on a spending spree "

There is something there that makes me think he's not really the sharpest blunt thing in the box.

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Elmer Phud
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U R Theresa May AICMFP

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Unicode serves up bacon emoji

Elmer Phud
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There's a thingy shaped like a vegetable

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Science Museum maths gallery to offer the perfect pint

Elmer Phud
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Zero

Does it tell of the struggle to get zero adopted in the West?

That awful thing that is something representing nothing.

What have the Romans done for us?

Held us back for several hundred years, is what.

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Elmer Phud
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Considering the lineage of the Royals --- shouldn't you be quaffing Litres?

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Boring SpaceX lobs another sat into orbit without anything blowing up ... zzzzz

Elmer Phud
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Re: Poor article

Delta v

You have made one (1, uno) post and managed to totally miss what was being said in the article.

This is El Reg, we've done all the 'engine' stuff before, if you'd beeen around earlier you'd understand the 'boring' bit.

Please don't behave like the person who only goes the the pub once a year and only watches football once a year and doesn't settle in to the game before asking which City player is Rooney.

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NASA: We'll try again in the morning after friction ruins engorgement

Elmer Phud
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"Pump it up when you don't really need it.

Pump it up until you can feel it."

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Queen guitarist Brian May releases virtual reality viewer

Elmer Phud
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I'm going to badger my mum until I get one

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Elmer Phud
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Re: 360° badger sett simulator

Same ones, just 'Re-cycled, re-cycled'

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ISS pump-up space podule refuses to engorge

Elmer Phud
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Paris Hilton

Forgotten?

There is a way of sorting this out - but someting lately we have forgotten about:

(see Icon)

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ISS 'nauts to inflate pump-up space podule

Elmer Phud
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Down here we (well, for a given quantity of 'we' are celebratnig the glorious 25th (How shall we rise up?) and up there they get a bloody bouncy castle!

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Labour scores review of Snoopers' Charter's bulk powers from UK.gov

Elmer Phud
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Re: Ha ha ha haaaa

Thank you for your erudite and concise input, Nigel.

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Elmer Phud
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Another failure

Another failure in the run up to the Leasership bun(g)fight.

Many Tory ministers and Ex-ministers have been seen prancing about before chucking hats in the ring.

IDS, Boris 'the unfeasbly useless' Johnson etc.

Not to be confused with the EU thang but it all seems to be wrapped up together for the main contenders.

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Republicans threaten to derail internet transition

Elmer Phud
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All the Republicans are worried about is links to gay porn sites missing and missing links to 'male escorts'.

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Flash zero day phished phoolish Microsoft Office users

Elmer Phud
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M$ update yesterday.

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Smut apps infecting Androids with long-gestation nasties

Elmer Phud
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Apps?

When do you need apps to look at porn?

(this does not include that fact that we no longer have 'programmes' but 'apps' instead)

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Elmer Phud
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Pirate

Re: "plunder older Android devices through infected porn apps"

'Beleiver's make really easy marks.

They are programmed to accept and obey.

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Sysadmin paid a month's salary for one day of nothing

Elmer Phud
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OT

God, how I tried to get on the list for Y2K changeover but failed.

Everyone wanted a slice.

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Apple bans benign iOS spyware detection, security info app

Elmer Phud
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Re: Quite Simple Really

Ah, ALL Backdoors are nasty except ours.

And we need ours to ensure optimum performance and security is maintained -- here, have another U2 album.

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Guilty! Trump delivers orange justice to Amazon

Elmer Phud
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Re: Pot calling the kettle black

His business model seems to be based around bankruptcy.

Create a company, get investors, move the dosh, go bankrupt --- repeat until 'National Hero' when you can do the same to an entire country.

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Gov to pull plug on online ID verification portal Gateway in 2018

Elmer Phud
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Re: To be fair...

"you will loose the will to live,"

I just did!

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Microsoft phone support contractors told to hang up after 15 minutes

Elmer Phud
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Hmm. . .

For a while did internal IT support Helldesk for a very large phone company.

We mainly supported managers.

15 minutes?

Hah!

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Label your cables: A cautionary tale from the server room

Elmer Phud
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not just servers

Some time back, as part of a large PBX changeover, people were trying to identify private circuits and unmarked exchange lines on an ancient and messy frame.

Our 'manager' paid a vist with his boss in tow -- and moaned about the time being spent on identifying circuts over a multi-building site.

His boss actually suggested cutting cables to see who complained.

After his ears had stopped ringing from several of us grunts telling him he was a total fuckwit, we asked him which circuits in the hospital (UCH) were going to what critical equipment? and which might be crash lines.

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Dragon capsule bids adios to ISS

Elmer Phud
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"samples from human research, biology and biotechnology studies, physical science investigations and education activities"

Soooo, it's a dustcart.

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Kepler space telescope spots 1,284 new planets

Elmer Phud
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special? I wish I was special . .

"we are the special ones"

I refuse to be another Jose.

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Prince of pop trash PerezHilton pwned, visitors hit with cryptxxx

Elmer Phud
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Flies round . . . .

If you go to a site that spews out shite for you to take delight in other's plight . . .

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Don't split Openreach, says BT, and we'll splash BEELLIONS on broadband and 4G

Elmer Phud
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As one who was in the middle of the last fiasco, please bear a thought for those internal BT HellDesk workers who pick up the phone and go 'Hello, am I allowed to talk to you today?'.

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NASA, USGS publish topographical map of Mercury

Elmer Phud
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Re: Countdown 3...2...1

Oh, come off it!

We can clearly see that the image is a poorly 'shopped pic of a mouldy tangerine!

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'I thought my daughter clicked on ransomware – it was the damn Windows 10 installer'

Elmer Phud
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Not Yet

Thanks to the many posts on El Reg, I have deferred W10 until a reasonable release. Also thanks to those who point others towards GWX.

I've been watching the update stuff and so far haven't seen a W10 installer either as non-crtical or critical update.

I had the notification icon for months (now removed) and despite world+dog appearing to have the beast delivered I seem to have been forgotten.

I still don't trust the buggers and expect to have to spend a while digging around unticking boxes eventually in various 'security' and 'personalization' sections.

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29 years of data shows no mobile phone brain cancer link

Elmer Phud
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But what about the rest of it?

My phone may not be spreading cancer after all but I know it sends subliminal messages about multi-vaccinations and that measles is on the increase .

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Auto erotic: Self-driving cars will let occupants bonk on the go

Elmer Phud
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As an occasional cyclist I reckon that this is only a small step as, from my experience, vehicles with 'A.L.' on them are driven by complete wankers.

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How IT are you? Find out now in our HILARIOUS quiz!

Elmer Phud
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Printer hassles option E

right-click on printer, remove.

turn printer back on -- if no printing then how the fuck are we supposed to fix a hardware problem on a Friday?!

move them to another print queue as geographically as far way from thier desk as is possible - and tell them is it only a 'temporary fix to get you back and working'.

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Sysadmin given Licence To Perve shows why you always get it in writing

Elmer Phud
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Re: SAID NO MANAGER EVER

We used to in our team - including the manager.

We all would revert to corporate teamspeak when we needed to -- just to take the piss

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Elmer Phud
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Re: "What have you had to get in writing?"

Yup, while at a large telecoms firm, I kept emails archived well away from Outlook.

I had a few run-ins with middle managent sending emails then saying or doing the opposite.

Heated discussions led to them going 'Oh, yeah?' but wilting when I said I kept and archived off-server anything I considered to be relevant.

eg 'can you help out with such and such a team who are overrun with work at the moment?'

Then I get up to Manchester and the level one manager says 'Ah, our secondment'.

Back in London I raised this and was shouted down with threats of 'disciplinary' until I unfolded a printout of his original email.

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MIT boffins build AI bot that spots '85 per cent' of hacker invasions

Elmer Phud
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Re: The most important question to come from this article......

When they hang up their pipes

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What's wrong with the Daily Mail Group buying Yahoo?

Elmer Phud
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Re: Woe, woe and thrice woe!

A prime example is the Independant comments - every single one seems to be hijacked by EDL/BNP/UKIP ranters.

No attempts to even menton the actual subject apart from a lever to rant about Muslims, Migrants, Corbyn, etc.etc.

(and elsewhere here we are informed it is some sort of Trotskyist collectivethat is responsible)

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Woe, woe and thrice woe!

Oh, good greif!

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Elmer Phud
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One can only hope

Yahoo has seen many top-end changes and much moolah chucked at it but it still declines.

One can only hope that extra money increases this decline and drags the Maul with it.

BUT will buying a foriegn company cause mortgages to rise and homeless gay immigrants infect our bricks and mortar with AIDS?

HAS YOUR LOCAL COUNCIL MADE MIDDLE BRITAIN OBESE? -- Mail-o-matic

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Woe, woe and thrice woe!

You utter bastard!

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Canny Canadian PM schools snarky hack on quantum computing

Elmer Phud
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A Danger too all that is right and Right

Should Trump get the prez job and be asked such a question, either he'd have the press guy taken out and shot --or just be attacked by surrounding petomaines for using witchcraft and summoning the ghosts of Feynman and the like.

Similar to our own Boris Trump - if it ain't binary, it's an abomination.

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Chilling evidence emerges of Kilocat weapon

Elmer Phud
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The clue is towards the end -- it is a belligerant and direct response to 'I'm so Lonely' jr.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: uh, in America, we do those stories on April 1st

Over here we don' need no frikkin' excuses!

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South Korea to upgrade national stereo defence system for US$16m

Elmer Phud
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Replacement

Can I suggest one of the local pizza deliverers?

Always uses a car, always has the original (drappy) audio turned up to ultimate ditsortion to try and get some bass out of it.

You can almost track the entire journey of the car just by listening for the boot, bonnet and window rattles.

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Uninstall QuickTime for Windows: Apple will not patch its security bugs

Elmer Phud
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You may scoff . . .

. . . but I see it being used in schools.

Maybe the Reg readers forget that yer average public run with what they are forced/encouraged to use forom day one.

Teachers at a local school are fed up with me saying 'what the fuck are you using that shit for? "it's what comes up when I click on . . ."

(and they blame QT when they are trying to stream stuff off the creaky server and look embarassed when it falters - they still use MS Media Player too, and can't turn off it;s crappy visualisation)

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Flying Spaghetti Monster is not God, rules mortal judge

Elmer Phud
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Urinary extraction

"Under secular governments and constitutional freedom of religion, there is no such thing as a parody religion."

All religions take the piss.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: This is the kind of nonsense

There is no such thing as 'common sense', the phrase is merely a form of social blackmail to get others to tacitly agree with you.

It is usually neither 'common' nor 'sensible' --- if it was it wouldn't be so widley used by UKKKIP/BF/EDL etc.etc.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Pastafarianism is under attack!

Alphabetti spaghetti

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Hackers hacking hackers to knacker white hat cracker trackers

Elmer Phud
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Standard business practice

No-one should complain, it's just basic capitalism at work -- screw your business rivals.

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