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* Posts by Elmer Phud

3462 posts • joined 3 Mar 2008

Pitchfork-wielding villagers hunt hairy shapeshifters in One Night Ultimate Werewolf

Elmer Phud
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Sounds a bit like Avalon - which is basically the 'sit in a circle and close your eyes' Mafia game.

(I'm a big fan of 'Family Business' - which has nearly caused fights before)

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In a mall at the weekend? WORSE STILL, are you LOST?

Elmer Phud
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But . . .

. . . I don't want to know where I am, just where the hell I left the car.

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Webcam hacker pervs in MASS HOME INVASION

Elmer Phud
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Yup, and regularly from then to now we get told that these devices are vulnerable.

There ought to be another news category for the Reg -- 'Haven't we heard this one before . . .' , or 'we told you so . . .'

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Astro-boffins start opening universe simulation data

Elmer Phud
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Re: Today you need a supercomputer

"Can I be the first to mention that our reality is just an @Home project running 40 years from now?"

I'm not sure about that - I'll go and ask the mice.

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Microsoft's Azure goes TITSUP PLANET-WIDE AGAIN in cloud FAIL

Elmer Phud
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It's the weather

I'm sure we were told there would be a break in the cloud overnight.

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Google bags OBSCENELY LARGE Times Square ad space for New Year's

Elmer Phud
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Thank you, El Reg

"almost as long as an American football field"

I am constantly baffled by the use of 'football field' as a form of measurement as used on the telly.

English accents narrrating a U.S. programme and I am never sure whether it is an F.A. field or U.S. field. El Reg's accurate reporting wins again.

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London police chief: City bankers, prepare for a terrorist cyber attack. Again

Elmer Phud
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Pint

Queen's Head?

Nah, they closed that a few years ago.

Along with the Spread Eagle, The Goerge and many other pubs.

I shall raise a glass to thier passing

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Elmer Phud
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Re: "push back and take action now before it happens"

"Every place they take foothold in the Western World becomes all about "their" religious rights being trampled. What about mine and yours?"

What if I don't have a religion?

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ATTACK OF THE DRONES: ‘Nefarious’ private use rising, says top Blighty copper

Elmer Phud
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some sort of . . .

. . . focussed EMP device would do the trick.

They were in the magazines and books I read as a youngster, everyone had a ray-gun.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Undoubtedly.

Some of then even have the nerve to use legs!

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Anonymous ‪hacks the Ku Klux Klan after Ferguson‬ threats

Elmer Phud
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Re: "Hacking"?

Time for a competition to see who can guess the KKK password?

KKKKKKKK

or kKkKkKkK - the more secure version

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Elmer Phud
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Happy

Re: Anytime the KKK are mentioned...

Thanks, just happens to be my favourite film.

(We don' need no steenking badges!)

"Where the white women at?"

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Ofcom tackles complaint over Premier League footie TV rights

Elmer Phud
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Re: Stadiums

BT gives me MotoGP -- I'm happy.

I refuse to pay for the stuff I used to enjoy on telly.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: correction time?

Train

Gravy

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MYSTERY Russian satellite: ORBITAL WEAPON? Sat GOBBLER? What?

Elmer Phud
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Again?

Maybe they have done another 'superplane' which turned out to be run by clockwork - but didn't stop a feeding frenzy by the usual big boys toys suppliers which the U.S. was happy to oblige with.

Maybe it's just a way to bankrupt the U.S.

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You know where Apple Pay is getting used a LOT? Yes - McDonalds

Elmer Phud
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Re: Translation please

So, what pokes through it is a turtle's head?

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THERE it is! Philae comet lander FOUND in EXISTING Rosetta PICS

Elmer Phud
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Oddly enough, yes.

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World leaders rubber-stamp tax recoup effort at G20 gabfest

Elmer Phud
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Oh dear

I doubt if anything positive will happen in dear 'ol Blighted

Especially considering the way that the Tories and UKKKIP rely on spare change from corporate tax-dodgers.

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Want to STUFF Facebook with blatant ADVERTISING? Fine! But you must PAY

Elmer Phud
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WTF?

Advertising on FB - when was that?

The only Ad's I see are for Sunglasses, trainers and 'computer dating'.

And that's ony when a group I'm in is spammed.

AdBlock and Social Fixer -- why grumble when you can actually wrestle the thing in to submission without breraking in to a sweat?

But where will the 'FB is shite' people go now that Twitter is becoming passe?

Back to Hotmail chat?

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The MIGHTY Scotch egg

Elmer Phud
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Tesco?

In the 'reduced items' bit at my local Tesco they often have big scotch eggs with a soft yolk.

I have to admit that I like them - though I'm too tight to buy the full-priced ones.

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UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

Elmer Phud
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So that's

BNP,

EDL,

Ingurlund Furzt,

Westboro Baptist Church

plenty to pick Dave-- where will you start?

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Judge: Terror bomb victims CAN'T seize Iran's domain name as compensation

Elmer Phud
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It's hard enough trying to get a couple of grand back from a dodgy builder, sort of admire the nerve but, blimey - set a precedent and lawyers would get corpulent from people wanting to own the internet.

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Rosetta probot drilling DENIED: Philae has its 'LEG in the AIR'

Elmer Phud
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26k?

Blimey, there are people in Blighty that can't get that.

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Lads from Lagos using 'Predator Pain' on hapless 419 victims

Elmer Phud
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T-Shirt

Come on, El Reg.

More 419 T-shirts please, mine's worn out.

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Why did men evolve map-reading skills? They were PAID BY BONK - study

Elmer Phud
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Usual bragging

Bunch of blokes bugger off and kill something then eventually bring it back.

Meanwhile, the women have sorted out the fire, got water, gathered other food, looked after the kids, made clothes etc. etc.

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UK.gov teams up with moneymen on HACK ATTACK INSURANCE

Elmer Phud
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Growing the market

And expect Government contracts to have a clause that states there has to be insurance.

Boosts the economy and all that.

But, if it's in-sewer-ants I'm sure a variation of 'whiplash injury and new car' will be along very quick.

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Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title

Elmer Phud
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Re: Dunno the exact answer

"And the Fat Freddy's Cat compendium, of course."

That fount of wisdom

"Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope"

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Elmer Phud
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Re: The Bible

"You can't deny it shifted a load of copies though"

Though Gove tried so had to shift thousands more.

I wonder what the list would look like if it was based on books purchased rather than given away like a breakfast ceral toy.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: "most important book"

"It's the foundation stone of our accepted system of morals and value judgements"

No.

Those morals and value judgements existed long, long before.

The idea that the world was total chaos before a highly edited compilation of short stories came out is a bit silly.

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PRAISE the $DEITY! Quantum preaches the joys of StorNext for religious video folk

Elmer Phud
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A flock is there to be fleeced. (or eaten by wolves)

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Is your kid ADDICTED to web porn? Twitter? Hint: Don't blame the internet

Elmer Phud
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" but even ten years ago school leavers were taking "computer driving licence" courses because the schools seemed to have failed them."

Schools were struck by the usual disease of Governement Ministers thinking IT was a 'good idea' - never knowing what the hell 'IT' was. Schools were given dosh for kit (not people) and told to get on with it. School staff not only don't usually have extra time for applying yet another 'brilliant idea' but also not the expertise.

It has never been the schools that failed them but Education wonks in Westminster ( and the hovering bluebottles of 'educational software developers' ) insistingn that throwing kit at kids will provide the next generation of whizzkids -- and now it's happening again .'Apps' is the new watchword the 'big thing' to turn 16yr olds into millionaires.

They conveniently miss out that number of successful apps v;s the number of total failures (or, for that matter, apps that are only there to pick your pocket.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: It's the parents not the kids

" given a speak-and-spell toy to learn to talk and read"

despite evidencce that they can hold back a child's development -- but it keeps the little shits out of your face while watching Eastenders so . .

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Social engineering

" "Home IT support" was always undertaken with a heavy heart knowing I would have to clean out "free fun games" "

My two girls were educated about the possible hazards of Habbo Hotel (bah, the youth of today don't know . . . etc.) We mananged to string along someone for hours who was posing as a boy wanting one of the girls to install a 'cool game'.

First educate - then you don't need to spend ages cleaning in the corners of the hard drive.

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Elmer Phud
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Hmm

I know some parents who wouldn't let thier 16yr old take his laptop upstairs to play the usual on-line games that teenagers love and still ban their other two kids from any social media (apart from passive YouTube and the like).

When he went off to Uni I quietly asked him what it felt like to be free - he just grinned.

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U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND

Elmer Phud
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And there goes another one

Old Street roundabout used to be one of my ways of getting those endorphins running in the morning.

Anyone regularly cycling round it always ends up with a feeling of elation and success.

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BOING, BOING! Philae BOUNCED TWICE on Comet 67P

Elmer Phud
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Re: Dude, I'm a comet. Do you even have a landing permit?

"The thrusters didn't fire and the harpoons didn't launch. Maybe the lander is standing tall on the tips of the extended screws."

They used the other option of gaffa tape and cable ties.

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GIANT sunspot returns, bigger and belchier than ever before

Elmer Phud
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WE'REALLGONNADIE

Again

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NHS: Go digital or you won't get paid, warns Kelsey

Elmer Phud
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Won't get paid?

Nijel the Destroyer has said he wants to offload the NHS to the highest bidder.

Sounds as if Kelsey is doing some pre-sale markdowns.

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WATCH: Rosetta astroboffin TATTOOED with PHILAE from the FUTURE!

Elmer Phud
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Thumb Up

Top Marks to Dr Taylor

This is the sort of thing that will get younger people interested.

The old cries of parents will be muted -- you can get inked, get your eardrums blasted and STILL have a great job.

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Yorkshire man NICKS 1,000 Orange customer records. Court issues TINY FINE

Elmer Phud
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CPS screws up again.

As title

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MOULDY DICK: France aims to snatch EXPLODING WHALE crown from U.S.

Elmer Phud
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Sell tickets

Sell tickets to people who think they have a novel idea of distributing smelly whale over the local area.

Me -- I'd love to try one of them huge Roman crossbow things.

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TalkTalk's 'unbeatable signal strength' and 'fastest Wi-Fi tech' FIBS silenced by ad watchdog

Elmer Phud
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Misread title

Sorry, when scanning the Arse feed I saw it as 'unavailable signal strength' -- but it seem I was right after all.

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FALL of the MACHINES: How to KILL the Google KARATE BOT, by our expert

Elmer Phud
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Mushroom

Re: Vulnerable even if batteries

Big pit

Then kiil it with fire >>>>>

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Every time...

Wrestle poodles and win!

wifi jammer

big rocks

various inventive IED's

Ian is toast.

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Mozilla re-negotiates Google multi-million dollar sugar-daddy deal

Elmer Phud
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Boffin

Re: ... if they actually wanted it.

"anyone who knew how to download and install Firefox"

It's not exactly difficult is it?

But how many know about the Mycroft Project where they can pick up all sorts of things to bung in the list for the Search box?

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Euro space boffins ready, mere HOURS from flinging Rosetta lander at Comet 67P

Elmer Phud
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ESA ot NASA

(need 'pedant' or 'smug git'* icon)

*(sorry, an image of a certain politician immediately popped up)

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ESA sends back PRE-LANDING COMET CLOSE-UPS

Elmer Phud
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Re: Gravity Boots

Nope - it's a bit like one of them big inflatabe 'fly paper' thingies with a suit and industrial strength Velcro -- land on it and grab on.

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Elmer Phud
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Re: Evidence of Aliens

It's not the turtle that can cause concern -- it's the elephants.

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Most convincing PHISHING pages hoodwink nearly half of you – Google

Elmer Phud
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Re: Hardly surprising

'These emails are almost indistinguishable from competently crafted phishing attacks.'

Almost - until you hover over the main link

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Elmer Phud
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Re: For a particular value of 'you'.

Even with just a text screen it's usually bloody obvious that it isn't from a bank you've never used as most of the links are all the same and they point to some obscure email address.

I know a couple of people who have been got at and never actually asked themselves if they even were a customer.

They are your average punter, you buy a box, plug it in and MCaffee/Norton or whatever comes with the box will protect them from evil - that's what the PC World ad's say so it must be true.

What's happening is the same as with cars - not many people even know what's is under the bonnet these days. There's no need -- many never even check the basics as the annual service will sort it.

Does everyone even know where the bits are to change the wheel or even where the spare is kept?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHqL7dNujNc

(Standard Blazing Saddles clip as regards users)

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