* Posts by Ketlan

349 posts • joined 29 Jan 2008

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Woeful groans over Game of Thrones' spill on piracy sites

Ketlan
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Pirate

Not on PB yet

Interestingly (or maybe not) the four episodes have been on KickAss overnight but are not (as of right now) on Pirate Bay, maybe indicating that downloaders are still wary of the latter after the chaos of a couple of months ago.

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Internet Explorer LIVES ON, cackle sneaky Microsoft engineers

Ketlan
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Windows

Hmm...

Well I'm stuck with it cos my bloody bank demands that I use it to access its site, dammit. I emailed a couple of times to ask why but - surprise - got no answer. If it wasn't for that, IE would have left my desktop years ago, never to return, in Spartan form or any other.

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Bride legs it from wedding after groom proves unable to add up

Ketlan
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Devil

Eh?

I'm having trouble seeing the IT angle in this story - unless 'the sum of six and 15' is it.

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Sir Terry remembered: Dickens' fire, Tolkien's imagination, and the wit of Wodehouse

Ketlan
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so sad...

A glorious writer. Thank God we had him for as long as we did. Ook, you wonderful old fucker, you.

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RIP Sir Terry Pratchett: Discworld author finally gets to meet DEATH

Ketlan
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Oh fuck

A desperately sad day.

'Ook'

And who could say it any better.

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UK.gov in pre-election 'Google tax' blitz against internet firms

Ketlan
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Devil

I call bullshit

'At the time, the proposed law said that tech giants...would have to "self-report" any diverted profits to HMRC'

Yeah, that'll happen.

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Chappie: The AI tale that’s about heart, not intelligence

Ketlan
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Happy

Nice review...

...and if this is anything like District 9 (rather than Elysium) I'll be looking forward to it.

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I, ROBOT ~ YOU, MORON. How else will automated news work?

Ketlan
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Happy

Robo-penpushers of the world unit

You been reading The Tin Men by Michael Frayn, Dabbsy? It takes robo-journalism to dizzying heights (and is bloody funny, too).

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Ads! People! love! ads! in! their! apps! Please! use! ours! cries! Yahoo!

Ketlan
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Devil

Fuck ads and all who serve them up

'People! love! ads! in! their! apps!'

First AdBlockPlus claims that vast numbers of users love ads, now Yahoo. I've yet to meet a single person who wants ads, no matter who they're from

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How many Watches will Apple flog? 20, er, 18.5, no, five, wait, 50 million!

Ketlan
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Devil

Cheap as bloody expensive chips

'According to analysts...its cost will range from very cheap to eye-watering[ly] expensive.'

Nope, its cost will range from bloody expensive to mind-buggeringly expensive. Apple doesn't do very cheap.

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Think you’re hard? Check out the frozen Panasonic CF-54 Toughbook

Ketlan
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Devil

Kidproof?

'Still, at least you’ll be getting a laptop that you can safely let the kids loose on from time to time and even pass it on to them when the time comes'

Given the price I'd have to pay to get hold of one of these, my kids (or my grandsprogs) wouldn't get within a mile of it.

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Amazing, cool, wow: Humans naturally use POSITIVE words, and that is GOOD

Ketlan
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Meh

Meh

'El Reg can only assume YouTube comments were not included as a source.'

Nor the Reg comments section of late.

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RadioShack lists 1,800 stores facing the axe across America

Ketlan
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Devil

Pffftt...

'RadioShack lists 1,800 stores facing the axe across America'

Don't care.

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'Kickass' Somali pirates get their asses kicked by Japanese ass-kickers

Ketlan
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Thumb Up

Great.

That's saved me having to search around for it. Thanks.

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Cannonbridge sells us a dummy – great premise, crap ending

Ketlan
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Devil

Could always be worse

It can't possibly be worse than Donna Tartt's second book The Little Friend. A terrible and difficult book to read with a damp squib of a pay-off. Amazing that she could write a modern classic like The Secret History then follow it with the worst pile of crap in recent history.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The Red Dwarf chilli chutney egg sarnie

Ketlan
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Pint

Where'd I put that frying pan...

A personal favourite (though not for my belt size or life expectancy) is the same Lister triple-decker with fried eggs and oodles of Branston sauce. Roughly three billion calories a bite. Heart attack sarnie, I call it but by 'eck, it's grand.

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Win! The Ultimate Cash 'n' Carrion Survival Kit

Ketlan
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Devil

It's mine...

Gimme...

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Bankruptcy could see RadioShack close doors for good – report

Ketlan
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Devil

Bye

Oh, how the mighty are fallen.

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Google, Amazon 'n' pals fork out for AdBlock Plus 'unblock' – report

Ketlan
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Thumb Down

Pffft...

'Adblock has said only 25 per cent of Adblock Plus users are strictly against any advertising.'

Bollocks. A made-up statistic if ever I saw one.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Sizzling sag aloo

Ketlan
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Pint

Delicious

We just had this for dinner here at Ketlan Towers and it was delicious (though we added the ginger, et al for luck). Cheers, Lester. Looking forward to the next mini-feast.

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Your gran and her cronies are 'embracing online banking' – study

Ketlan
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Happy

Bankers for anyone...

I don't know why anyone would use anything BUT internet banking. It makes life a lot simpler, especially for the disabled or those who are less than usually able.

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Care.data refuseniks will be DENIED CANCER SCREENING invites

Ketlan
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Nothing wrong here

'...patients who have registered a Type 2 objection "may not have understood that this will mean that as a result, they will not be approached for direct care services like e-prescribing, bowel screening, e-referrals or e-pathology reporting."'

Hmm... I registered a Type 2 objection via my surgery and I've just been prescribed bowel screening as part of a national programme to bowel screen all over-60s. Is there really a problem?

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Opera Jon weaves a brand new browser

Ketlan
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Meh

Meh...

I loved Opera and was a beta tester for years but I went off it when they added the unremovable mail client in and it started to bloat pretty outrageously. The thing I miss the most is Notes - an excellent and well-executed facility sadly lacking in Firefox.

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'One day, YOU won't be able to SENSE the INTERNET,' vows Schmidt

Ketlan
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Devil

Bollocks

Fuck off, Schmidt. The foreseeable future will be very much like the past.

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EE data network goes TITSUP* after mystery firewall problem

Ketlan
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Devil

Oh, dear...

I'm sorry but LOL, you shouldn't have gone with such a shite company.

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Turn your head and cough (up your details), HealthCare.Gov has sprung a leak!

Ketlan
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FAIL

What a surprise!

'HealthCare.Gov has sprung a leak!'

Cor blimey. Who'da thought it.

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Windows 10: The Microsoft rule-o-three holds, THIS time it's looking DECENT

Ketlan
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Devil

Re: Read the whole thing...

Gotta say I agree with this. Windows 10 free for life - great, I'll take two. Windows 10 free for a year - they can shove it: I'll stick to 7, thank you.

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Windows 10, day ZERO ... Will Nadella be the HERO?

Ketlan
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Pint

Re: Today is my birthday.

'Downvote me if it also your birthday.'

Certainly not. Here's to both of us! :)

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Ketlan
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Happy

Pffftt...

Thank you, chaps. All pints very welcome. :)

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Ketlan
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Happy

Pffftt...

'Remember 21 January, 2015: it will go down in history either as the date that made Microsoft or the reason why victory in mobile was put on hold for another two years.'

It'll do nothing of the sort. Today will only be known as the day of my 62nd birthday, so there. Now where's my jelly and ice cream...

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Increased gov spy powers are NOT the way to stay safe against terrorism

Ketlan
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Black Helicopters

Bullshit alert!

The media is already laying out the government's propaganda for it.

'Majority of Britons think the state should have more surveillance powers'

http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/majority-of-britons-think-the-state-should-have-more-surveillance-powers--xku4Y9Kbse

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This could be a case for Mulder and Scully: Fox 'in talks' to bring back The X-Files

Ketlan
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Devil

Blech...

'Until they kill him off and replace him with "young" Shia LaBeouf.'

Please God, no.

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Apple wants your fingerprints in the cloud

Ketlan
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Devil

Records and more records...

"Apple wants to collect and store your fingerprints..."

In your dreams.

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Spavined RadioShack to file for bankruptcy next month – report

Ketlan
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Devil

Bye-bye

As a former employee of this ghastly company (for three terrible years) all I can say is fucking good riddance.

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$500 TEDDY BEAR teaches tots to spit up personal data

Ketlan
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Thumb Down

Creepy

I find this a tad disturbing. Whatever happened to parents just checking on their kids from time to time to make sure they're okay?

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It's hacker jihad: Islamist skiddies square up to Anonymous

Ketlan
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Happy

Hooray, no image!

Sorry, but I'm just grateful that this article lacks the (now) usual and pointless sodding great image at the top. Just like the old days...

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Computers know you better than your friends

Ketlan
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Happy

Er...

I know it's infantile but PNAS? Really?

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Boybanders ONE DIRECTION launch DoS attack on open-source bods

Ketlan
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Devil

Lordy...

'140,000 One Direction fans have suddenly taken all the hotel accommodation in the city'

We're doomed, I tell ya. Doomed.

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Windows XP beats 8.1 in December market share stats

Ketlan
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Harumph...

'I noticed the same thing in my local hospital. Lots of XP computers hooked up to medical equipment.'

So did I during a long stay at my local infirmary but three out of four items weren't working, these worst affected being those most commonly used.

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ALIEN EARTH: Red sun's habitable world spotted 470 light years away

Ketlan
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Happy

New neighbours ahoy!

'ALIEN EARTH with a RED SUN discovered 470 light-years away'

I wonder if they'll mind if we pop round to borrow some sugar...'

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UKIP website TAKES A KIP, but for why?

Ketlan
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Devil

Re: They arent a serious party..

'FYI Ukip is currently the only party to ban former BNP members from joining. Perhaps you halfwit metro liberals should check your facts first.'

Perhaps you right-wing loonies should, too. The Labour Party banned former BNP members from joining years ago.

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Zuckerberg asks the public to tell him where to go in 2015

Ketlan
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Devil

Hate him.

'Now be polite people'

Bugger.

'Every year the behoodied prince of Facebook sets himself a personal goal, and this year he’s asking the public to tell him how to spend 2015 doing something new.'

Being polite, he should come and visit me at my home. Now where did I put those boxing gloves...

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El Reg tests portable breathalyzers: Getting drunk so you don't have to

Ketlan
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Happy

Hic...sorry.

Easy answer: drink at home. In secret.

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Analysts claim itty bitty iPhone Mini to land next year

Ketlan
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Trollface

Budget-priced, my arse

'The next Apple iPhone won't be a larger handset, but rather a budget-priced miniature model...'

In your dreams.

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Ghosts of Christmas Past: The long-ago geek gifts that made us what we are

Ketlan
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Happy

Science Fair

I used to run a Tandy store back in the seventies and those Science Fair kits used to sell like hot cakes in the run-up to Christmas. I think they went up to a 200-project kit, which was pretty expensive but would keep a future nerd quiet for weeks into the new year.

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Shock! Nork-grating flick The Interview WILL be in cinemas – Sony

Ketlan
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Meh

Yawn...

I'm already bored with this film and I haven't even seen it.

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IsoHunt releases roll-your-own Pirate Bay

Ketlan
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Pirate

Tor Bay anyone?

I wonder how difficult it would be to set this up for use only with Tor?

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El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

Ketlan
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Sadly, I had a whole lot of shit to say here but after reading God knows how many pages of pissed-off commentards putting in their bits, I can't be bothered. You want a death threat? Here you go. 'If you don't revert, I'll kill myself.' Fucking sad, isn't it. 'If you don't revert, I'll go elsewhere for my IT coverage', sounds a little better.

At the moment, I'm reading this site via the feed. Gawdelpus, I used to love reading it by any means possible.

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Ketlan
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'Come on, Ketlan poster, keep up.'

I don't see your point - unless it's just to be bloody patronising. Ketlan is actually my name, by the way.

'Anyway, my previous posts attempting to engage with readers have been downvoted so I guess everyone here doesn't want to hear what Reg staff have to say.'

Everyone here DOES want to hear what you have to say - the problem is WHAT you're saying. Try saying 'we're rolling back to the old look next week' and see how many upvotes that gets you.

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Ketlan
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Come on, Reg, wake up.

So is El Reg going to update us or what?

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