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* Posts by Ketlan

289 posts • joined 29 Jan 2008

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Androids in celluloid – which machine deserves the ULTIMATE MOVIE ROBOT title?

Ketlan
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Happy

Hooray for Marvin...

Great to see Marvin way out in the lead. I'm sure that would make him very happy. Or maybe not...

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BIG FAT Lies: Porky Pies about obesity

Ketlan
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Good stuff.

Bloody hell, a Worstall article I actually agree with, apart from the weak dig at Ed the Millipede, which at least was mildly amusing.

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All aboard the Poo Bus! Ding ding, route Number Two departing

Ketlan
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'The Bio-Bus will be powered by people living in the area "including quite possibly those on the bus itself," said Mohammed Saddiq, GENeco general manager.'

Seriously? So if the bus stops, the passengers might be asked to provide the fuel? Fuck me, I knew local transport was shit but...'

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FORGET the CLIMATE: FATTIES are a MUCH BIGGER problem - study

Ketlan
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Devil

I'm three terrorists at least!

'If you're a fatty AND a smoker, you're almost as bad as TWO terrorists'

I'm a fatty and I both smoke and drink. What a bastard!

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Useless 'computer engineer' Barbie FIRED in three-way fsck row

Ketlan
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Devil

Pink crapfest

'...a bespectacled Barbie – pink frames, of course...backed up her work on a pink, heart-shaped USB drive she wears as a necklace...wiping out Skipper's homework. Skipper is so annoyed she starts a pillow fight with her sister.'

Dear God, is it 1960 again?

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Hunt for Higgs Boson and dark matter now starts ON YOUR SOFA

Ketlan
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Wow!

I'm sure I won't understand a word of it but kudos to CERN for releasing the data and the tools to (hopefully) make sense of it all.

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The IT Crowd's internet in a box gets $240k of crowdcash for a cause

Ketlan
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Happy

IT Crowd

Wow, the IT Crowd is suddenly getting a lot of mentions at the Reg. Good stuff.

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Countdown contestant pays homage to IT Crowd's Moss

Ketlan
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Happy

Re: Excellent

'Don't think I've ever seen the subject of a el Reg article down here with us commentards before!'

Nor me. Definitely worth an upvote. :)

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Ketlan
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Collins' definition - sort of

http://www.collinsdictionary.com/submission/4616/tnetennba

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Ketlan
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Happy

Excellent

'♫ 0118 999 88199 9119 725... 3'

Bugger. I've got that bloody tune stuck in my head now!

Kudos to Danny Davies. :)

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Space Commanders rebel as Elite:Dangerous kills offline mode

Ketlan
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Devil

I want it

'Frontier says the game is still on track for a December 16 release. For those who still want it.'

Count me in. An updated Elite sounds great, offline or not.

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You really need to do some tech support for Aunty Agnes

Ketlan
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Happy

Re: Bloody rubbish

McAfee, of course. Bravo.

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Ketlan
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Devil

Bloody rubbish

'Two unnamed vendors were behind 87.9 percent of expired anti-virus subscriptions, largely because the software was foisted on users as bloatware on new machines.'

Do I hear the name 'Norton'? Who's the other one?

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The MIGHTY Scotch egg

Ketlan
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Happy

Yum yum

Sainsbury's own Scotch egg. Breakfast, lunch, dinner or supper of champions.

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UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

Ketlan
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Cameron talking crap again

For god's sake, Cameron, keep away from the internet. It's already clogged up with advertising - we don't want you and all the other control freaks regulating the shit out of it too.

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My HOUSE used to be a PUB: How to save the UK high street

Ketlan
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Devil

Flog 'em all

Perhaps a better solution would be to force the owners of empty houses either to let them out to tenants or to sell them to people who need them. There are an estimated 845,000 houses sitting around empty (last year). More info here:

http://www.emptyhomes.com/statistics-2/empty-homes-statistice-201112/

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Ketlan
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Planning conundrum

'In other words, abolish much of the planning permission system and allow people to convert, either way as they see fit'

Absolutely not. Most planning law is there to protect towns and villages from the ravages of property developers who, were it not for those laws, would be building eyesores all over the damn place.As a former councillor and chair of planning committee, I agree that planning laws need to be changed as society changes - they need to be flexible but they will still be needed to protect the urban landscape from stupidity and greed.

As far as housing is concerned, many local authorities already allow shops to let out upper floors but obviously only if there is a separate entrance from that of the shop itself. A few local authorities even go as far as cutting business rates for the shop owner if they let to tenants. One of the biggest problems with flats above shops is what to do with the tenants if a shop closes or changes hands. You can't just tell the tenant they have to move out because tenants have legal protections - or would you propose removing those, too?

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Amazon: Put our ALWAYS ON MICROPHONE in your house, please. WHAT?

Ketlan
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Unhappy

Re: Lunacy

'You wait until Apple bring out a version - that'll sell like hot cakes.'

Gawdelpus, you're probably right.

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Ketlan
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Unhappy

Re: Lunacy

'As for why, everything is about the cloud in today's ever connected world, get with the program?!?'

I refuse to get with any program connected with 'the cloud'. As far as I can see, it's an unreliable (in the sense of overlooked by someone possibly far removed from the point of origin) storage medium, a thousand times less reliable than the hard drive (and back-up drive) next to you. The reason the cloud is being pushed as worthwhile/desirable is because most companies will require a large back-up space that is rented, not bought outright. More dosh for the cloud storage providers and less security/higher costs for the suc--consumers.

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Ketlan
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WTF?

Lunacy

'...the device is constantly connected to the internet and constantly monitoring what you are saying [while] each Echo is "connected to the cloud so it's always getting smarter"'

Who the hell is going to buy this intrusive rubbish and, more to the point, why?

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Million Mask March: Anonymous' London Guy Fawkes protest a damp squib

Ketlan
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Hackery

'Most of the crowd seemed to be the usual rent-a-mob of left-wing sympathisers.'

So, no bias there then.

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Russians hear Tim Cook is gay, pull dead Steve Jobs' enormous erection

Ketlan
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Re: Homo i-phones?????????

Nice. Upvote for you.

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Ketlan
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Re: Homo i-phones?????????

'Go read some news...'

Go fuck yourself. And anyone who puts a space between the word or phrase and the ellipsis is a complete dildo and can be safely ignored.

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Ketlan
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Re: Someday

Fuck me, I so agree with this.

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Ketlan
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Devil

Re: Homo i-phones?????????

'phallic monument'

You think the giant iPhone resembles a dick? Yours must be a bloody funny shape.

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That 'TECH-FREE' Nophone? It was already out years ago

Ketlan
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WTF?

Re: Why would anyone want one or invest in such a thing?

'Baffled'

You're not the only one.

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Indian DEITY reveals Internet of Things policy

Ketlan
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Devil

Deities 'r us

Damn, I was expecting to read that Ganesh had manifested to pontificate on the IoT.

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Apple to PROTECT YOU from dreaded TROUSER EXPLOSIONS

Ketlan
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Happy

Halogen, really?

"As well as being a way to greet women called Genevieve, halogen is considered to be an industrial pollutant."

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

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'GCHQ's surveillance data gulp is BULKY and WARRANTLESS', human rights groups moan

Ketlan
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Say nothing...

"A GCHQ spokesperson told The Register: "We do not comment on ongoing legal proceedings.""

I'll bet.

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Facebook shares flutter as firm reports user growth slowing

Ketlan
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Hate Zuckerberg

"Facebook shares flutter as firm reports user growth slowing"

Good. And it's about fucking time.

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Rise of the machines: Silicon Valley hardware store to deploy ROBOTS for customer service

Ketlan
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Alert

I foresee trouble

This is all very well, and bound to happen, but there is nothing in place to support those who lose their jobs thanks to these kinds of innovations. Remember all the talk of extended leisure time during the early days of the computer revolution? Nothing has changed to accommodate the needs of those placed on forced leisure due to AI and robotic advances. I'm no Luddite but I see trouble ahead if we don't seriously consider ALL aspects of these changes.

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'MYSTERIOUS PYRAMID STRUCTURE' found on COMET beyond Mars: Landing planned

Ketlan
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Devil

What?

Sorry, but how the fuck is that pyramid-shaped???

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One million people have bonked on London public transport

Ketlan
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Devil

Bonkers

I bonked on London Transport and British Rail many times with various partners when I was considerably younger, long before Oyster Cards and mobile phones existed. Though we called it a bunk-up in those days. Close, I guess.

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George Clooney, WikiLeaks' lawyer wife hand out burner phones to wedding guests

Ketlan
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Meh

Gawd

Yawn, sorry...

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Virgin Media blocks 'wankers' from permissible passwords

Ketlan
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Happy

Oo-er missus...

I wonder if Scunthorpe is acceptable as a password.

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You, El Reg and a doctor walk into a Monopoly Pubcrawl chinwag

Ketlan
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Happy

So, a jew, a muslim and a giraffe entered a pub...

"You, El Reg and a doctor walk into a Monopoly Pubcrawl chinwag"

I'm Jewish. Can I be included in this joke.

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Reg man looks through a Glass, darkly: Google's toy ploy or killer tech specs?

Ketlan
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Non-optional spannerisation...

"Put the shades on and you'll look less of a spanner"

Nah, sorry. You'll still look like a complete spanner.

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The Register to boldly go where no Vulture has gone before: The WEEKEND

Ketlan
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Happy

Loadsa pussies

'On the internet there are certain things you can be pretty sure of. Nubile young women lusting after you probably aren't (any of those things); free stuff almost certainly isn't free, and may not even be stuff...'

I'm surprised you didn't mention cats.

Splendid news, chaps.

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Time to move away from Windows 7 ... whoa, whoa, who said anything about Windows 8?

Ketlan
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Facepalm

Deaf to users...

'Of course, if MS don't start listening to their customers soon then that could be the best thing that has ever happened to linux.'

MS has never listened to their customers. If they had, Windows would have been on XP version 93 by now. I'd guess that 90-95% of users are only on Windows 8/8.1 because they bought a desktop or laptop with it already installed, not through choice. The MS plan of forcing users to incessantly upgrade is simply not working.

And, like it or not, Linux will not be the beneficiary. If that was the case, the Linux percentage would have hit 95% when Vista appeared and was revealed as the disaster that it was. If Linux couldn't take over then, it never will.

Yeah, I know. Linux-head downvotes...

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Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty

Ketlan
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Angel

Yum...

I'm hungry now.

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Newly spawned Dixons Carphone leaps onto LSE as £12bn sales org

Ketlan
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Happy

Dix R'Us

"Dix Warehouse"

Oh, how I wish that were true.

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Reg Latin scholars scrap over LOHAN's stirring motto

Ketlan
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Happy

I can't believe I enjoyed reading that. There must be something wrong with me.

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You! Pirate! Stop pirating, or we shall admonish you politely. Repeatedly, if necessary

Ketlan
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Pirate

Smelly pirates ahoy...

"And we shall go about telling people you smell."

Actually, that'd probably work a lot better than the current crappy plan.

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Ketlan
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Pirate

Eek!

Ohmigod, they're going to tell me off - in writing! That'll stop me and the rest of the world. Aaarrr, Jim lad, etc...

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True fact: Your CAT wees ... like a racehorse

Ketlan
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Devil

Mogpiss Monday Blues

'True fact: Your CAT wees for as long as you do'

Except when it's a neighbour's cat and it's pissing all over my garden (and don't even get me started on cat's crapping everywhere).

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Creepy battery-operated TEDDY BEAR SEX TOY. Sadly, this is for real

Ketlan
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Happy

Slurp this...

I've been told I look a bit like a teddy bear. Sorted. No batteries required either.

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Labour vows: We'll pause one-dole-to-rule-them-all for drastic fix-up if elected in 2015

Ketlan
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Flame

About bloody time!

'The Labour Party has promised to put the brakes on the deeply troubled Universal Credit system for three months...'

It's about time Labour got off its communal arse and announced that it will kick UC into touch permanently, along with that moronic liar Iain Duncan Smith.

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DAMN you El Reg, CALL ME A BOFFIN, demands enraged boffin

Ketlan
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Happy

My naughty Aunt M

My very naughty Aunt M was shagging the science master at the posh school they both worked at when I was a mere sprog. Said master wore a white coat in the lab so Auntie M could have been said to have been boffing the boffin, the bad girl.

Still better than muffin the mule though!

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WANTED: New head of crashingly expensive, error-prone and frankly cursed one-dole-to-rule-them-all system

Ketlan
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FAIL

Election ahoy!

'The Register asked the DWP why it needed 12 months to seek out Shiplee's successor.'

Because if they moved any faster they'd run the risk of trying to get the whole UC disaster up and running while trawling for votes. This way, win or lose, UC is a non-issue for the time being. Politics at its most cynical though par for the course for IDS and the rest of this bunch of arse dildoes.

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