Oh, God...

Would somebody kill me now, please...

Lots and lots and lots...

According to the Independent, they're expecting around thirty BILLION of these little buggers. And I complained because one fly annoyed me by coming into my kitchen yesterday!

Bye, Star Wars...

"Still waiting for the good news"

Now EA is involved, you'll have a very long wait.

Oh, dear...

It could be the best OS ever - but 'Wheezy'? Whoever thought that one up should be shot. Tragic.

Too exciting

I watched the pitch for a minute but decided the excitement was too much for me. This kind of thing is all very well for you youngsters who enjoy today's frenetic pace but us wrinklies need to watch our heart rates.

Went and made a cup of tea instead.

Theft

Looks like theft to me.

Gawdelpus

Anyone who buys one of these is a complete and utter twat. Downvote all you like but I'm firmly of the opinion that TV and the mush it seems to make of people's brains is the blight of our country. And no, I don't have one and I have no desire to get one.

You gotta laugh...

''Being deceased, it's probably slipped his mind' says son-in-law'

Don'tcha love a guy with a sense of (wicked) humour.

Who? And why???

I can think of an awful lot of ways to dispose of $50-100k and none of them involve Tim Cook, Elon Musk or, gawd 'elp us, Piers bloody Morgan. I could manage a tenner or two for a weekend with Gwyneth Paltrow though...

If this is true...

If this story is true, my opinion is that both Stuart Hughes and the Hong Kong businessman need to be repeatedly and vigorously kicked in the bollocks until they both come to their senses.

FFS

I was hoping that at least the Register would have been a site free of the Thatcher beatification that seems to be going on at the moment.

How embarrassing...

'As the system is also linked to the video player, BBM contacts are getting notified about porn preferences too, which might prove more embarrassing than the latest single from One Direction.'

I wouldn't be too sure about that.

'a whopping £200'

Ha. Great April Fool!

No, hang on a minute...

Overlords, my arse

Until they learn to put bread around their faces, they'll never rule us!

Er...

Thank God it's (not) Fryday

"The ubiqutious thespedian appeared 189 times on British TV in two weeks over Christmas - not including voice overs."

Yet another good reason not to own a TV.

Odd titles

I've only got two books that I've bought for their titles alone: 'Tiger Standish Does His Stuff', which I always thought was a great porn title, and 'Re-inforced Concrete Made Easy'', which speaks for itself really. Don't you love shit titles. ;-0

Why?

Okay, WHY did she have a gob full of tadpoles? As she had a bottle of water with her, why didn't she keep them in that? We should be told!

Death to the cloud

How many times does this have to happen before consumers/customers get it into their heads that cloud-based services are a disaster waiting to happen?

Rent or buy? Not a dilemma at all.

The idea of renting software rather than buying it outright must be the biggest corporate wet dream ever but I'd expect consumers generally to tell them to shove it. I put this idea roughly on a par with 'the cloud': no-one is interested except the mega-corps that are flogging it to the suckers and the industry press who largely support the concept. While it's free, most people will use it. Even a one-off payment would leave most people happy. Try making the consumer pay forever and they'll disappear before you know it.

Twice the fun for quite a lot of dosh

I have to use two sticks to get around - twice the fun at twice the price. Anyway, what's the guess on how much this thing might cost? £100-150 would be mine.

Brazilians?

I wonder if the glorious socialist North Korean government has issued pictorial guidelines on decadent capitalist Brazilians. We should be told (and should see the pix, too).

Eek!

It was God wot dun it.

Up his white stripey butt

Jack White can kiss my great fat arse. A lot of us (the disabled) don't have a choice of how we carry out our social interactions. Personally I regard the internet as a boon, where I can be sociable with all kinds of interesting (good and bad) people whenever I want/am able to. I wish I could go out and 'sniff the vinyl' from time to time but I can't, so fuck him for assuming everyone can do what he can do.

Oh, well...

'It may be that the universe we live in is inherently unstable and at some point billions of years from now it's all going to get wiped out'

Time for a cup of tea first, then.

Didn't see it

And as usual in bloody Britain, the weather was cloudy as hell.

Eek!

"VMware plots to build data centre that RUNS ITSELF"

Did anyone else think of SkyNet when reading that?

Whoops. Forgot mine.

Loose Red Label tea (teabags are for girlies). Very little skimmed milk, no sugar, strong as hell. And in a bloody big mug (in my case with a picture of Dennis the Menace on it). I'm so damned butch - but then I do live oop North.

WTF?

Why have you got a picture of a cup of weak cat's piss in the article?

Ricky Gervais is shit

...and so was the original House of Cards. The book, too. Dobbs is a Thatcher-idolising twat, which could easily put me off on its own but then we have Silverlight. That did Netflix for me, I'm afraid. Signed up one day, cancelled the next.

What a load of crap

'Over 1.5 MILLION UK drivers will have hydrogen cars by 2030'

No, they won't, because there won't be the 'right investment in infrastructure'. This country has never been good at investing in the future unless it involves banking or some kind of useless 'service' industry. Computing, engineering, alternative energy or anything else that can take a few years to see a return, is largely ignored by those who could and should be providing funding.

When I was a kid and people were buggering about on the moon, it was pretty commonly believed that by the year 2000, we would have habitats on the moon (and possibly Mars, too). Fat chance. Unless a few governments are prepared to invest in the future, it won't happen - or at least it will, but it'll be pretty much the same as the past.

Smut alert!

'It's well known that if all the cat videos and porn disappeared from the internet there would be only one site left and it would be called whereareallthecatvideosandporn.com.'

Or wheresthepussy.com. Sorry.

Paris, of course. Though I've no idea why.

The beginning of the end?

Intrusive advertising, subscription-only (except for utterly useless crap) and pro-government censorship. Are we seeing the beginning of the end of the internet as the corporate giants fight to exploit every penny from users while staying on the good side of our political leaders?

Dead boomers already?

Boomers in the US are dying off already? That's a bit early, isn't it? I'm a UK boomer and I've no intention of dying for at least another twenty years.

Sheepish

'If they all farted* at once how far would that propel a sheep in a vacuum?'

Now THAT is an interesting question. And not one one hears every day.

Tentacular news!

'Vultures based around the globe are reporting the news (with or without IT angle) 24 hours a day, with our Australian tentacle collating the Asia-Pacific coverage on the watch between those of London and San Francisco'

Do vultures have tentacles? Just asking.

Congrats to the Reg and all who sail in her for the enormous numbers. :-)

How interesting

Yawn...sorry.

LOL

How sad. Never mind. :-D

Forwent?

'We went after a company [Google] where the law required us to do so, and forwent bringing a case where the law required us not to bring one.'

Does that actually make sense? They went after Google because the law told them to, then dropped the case when the law told them to drop it. If so, why did the law tell them to go after Google in the first place? And how much did all this going after then backtracking cost the taxpayer?

Of course, it might be easier to understand if this putz stopped using lawyerspeech crap like 'forwent'. I'm not even sure that's a real word.

Quandary...

$100 is a lot of money. On the other hand, telling that creepy git to fuck off is a lot of pleasure. Decisions, decisions...

Bye Bruce...

I say we send Bruce Willis up there and THEN start firing paintballs at it.

FFS

He's an attention-seeking paranoid stone-bonker. Stop reporting on his delusions and he might just shut the fuck up.

Good opportunity missed

'Rather than complaining about Facebook's privacy settings, the sister of the tech titan decided to rebuke the blameless Schweitzer'

Oh, to have been Schweitzer and to have been in the wonderful and justified position to tell at least one of the Zuckerbergs to fuck off. Bliss.

And no, I don't do Facebook.

'social networks aren’t using [our data] to create for us a social experience that is more like our real world, and frankly more in tune with our human-ness'

Or even our humanity.

Anyway, take away the endless drivel that fills Facebook and all the pictures of cats and that predicted 40ZB becomes a more easily managed couple of gigabytes.

No dosh here

'The chief executive took home a paltry $4.17m'

Poor lamb.