684 posts • joined 22 Jan 2008
"We don't encourage texting while driving..."
"...but we'd like you fund our plan to market a device which does!"
"It remains a mystery how this creature, which lived around 150 million years ago, carked it. "
Well, I'm no expert but...
"The Natural History Museum said that the skeleton was only missing the left arm and base of the tail."
Re: Better play WoW
"spends roughly two hours a day studying Microsoft's operating system"
Don't you sometimes wish Microsoft did?
I'm impressed a 5-year old can read that well, but...
...I'm worried by the phrase ""The hardest challenge was explaining the language of the test to a five-year-old," Does that mean Dad was in the room reading the questions?
I have an addiciton...
...to the ""Border Control"-style TV shows.
I have learnt:
1. The easiest way to tell the Oz show from the Kiwi one is to wait until they go outside: If it is/has been raining, it's New Zealand
2. Australia, Canada and New Zealand all have problems with narcotic, cannabis, meth etc.
3. Brits try to smuggle cheap cigarettes from Tenerife.
We are the most boring smugglers on the planet. Unless all those people who've been caught for smuggling tobacco are double-bluffing and the fags are full of cocaine... "Oh, I didn't know Tenerife wasn't in the EU so I could only bring back 200. Oh well, you live and learn, here's my 100 quid duty..."
....did people in the 12th century complain about the noise from these new windmills which were ruining the landscape?
OK, quick survey -
Hands up anyone who DIDN'T immediately wind the video forward to the three minute mark. Anyone?
Re: a study from Canadian health researchers
"a statistically quite small group of people"
"It looks quite large to me." Not for this sort of research UNLESS they set up the project with a specific null-hypothesis relating numbers of sexual partners and prostate cancer. If they just looked for something associated with prostate cancer, it means nothing (and the fact that opposite results were found in heterosexual & homosexual men supports this). I did a study once trying to see if particular immunohistochemical patterns were associated with good or poor prognosis in leukaemia and lymphoma. I was too lazy to retype the list of parameters I wanted analysed and just put in "*" so the software analysed everything it had.
There was an amazingly strong correlation between being called "John" or "Mary" and early death.
Isn't it a little - well - bendy?
They put 29,000 students...
...on an UNMODERATED mailing list? I'm amazed their servers didn't melt years ago. Nothing goes on our lists unless it's checked.
Re: “Hands are made* to shake hands, not for bending,” he advised.
I sometimes wonder what Christopher Walken's cobbler hums under his breath as he works.
"To test this out the Princeton boffins built a ridged base plate of ultra-pure crystals of lead..."
"...and laid down a wire of pure iron one atom wide and three atoms thick on one of the ridges."
Yeah, that's, that's, that's pretty much they way I'd have gone about it. Yeah. I'd have painted it a different colour, though.
NASA never landed on the moon. There is no moon.
It's like a rainbow - you can see it in the sky, but it isn't really there. It's just an optical effect.
Re: Core memory
"some of the gold-braid types were nervous because we were proposing the use of brand new SRAM and EEPROM cards instead of core."
They were probably afraid you were trying to remove Corps memory.
Re: Note Edge
Wasn't Samdroid Gamgee in Lord of the Ringtones?
"It looks like...
...you're trying to configure the number 3 attitude adjustment reactor motor subsystem.
Would you like some help with that?"
My phone tried to autocorrect 54 to 45 last week (Seriously. No, I don't understand it either.) so perhaps that's what happened.
I've seen this film...
"Thank god you're here officer. We found a strange rock in the field after the meteor shower. When we opened it, something rolled under the couch. Timmy tried to get it out..."
Those spiders building webs between treetops...
Do you think we could genetically engineer them so their silk acts as a UV shade?
Always thinking of the public health angle.
"Spanish launch goes titsup"
Isn't titsup the usual operating mode for a LOHAN?
Re: +1 for Opal Fruits
And Spangles. Remember Spangles? What the hell was "Olde English" flavour? Rickets and repressed sexuality?
"Google, HP, Logitech, Samsung, HTC and the list goes on........"
I should have gone to SpecSavers. I read that as "Google, HP Lovecraft, Samsung, HTC and the list goes on........
Delivering food to the ISS.
Surely I've seen an ad for an app that does that?
LOHANES EUNT DOMUS
People called Lohan, they go to the house.
SPATIA INTER AURES - Space is in our minds (literally Space Between the Ears)
This stuff will have been in sealed vials, so no big deal.
The exciting discovery was the envelope of smallpox scabs found tucked into the back of a book in a New Mexico library ten year s ago...
Glasses per socond?
But how long to cover Wales to the depth of a double-decker bus?
What's a boffin?
I'd always assumed a boffin is someone who has a muffin with his tiffin. English muffin, obviously, not those vast, cakey American things. Boffins should also consider their work as "tinkering", even if it's "tinkering with plutonium and C4"
Someone should write a song about that. Oh hang on, someone has...
10^18 times the life of the universe to crack?
More fool them. I have TWO computers working on it, so I can cut that time in half.
I want a robot that...
...can write witty comments on El Reg for me.
"It moves with me"
It's a portable icebox full of beer.
[Cue "My Google Glass is half-empty joke"]
Re: Better password needed
"No, I think he was exhibiting something called irony. "
That's like silvery, isn't it? Only cheaper?
What languages are available?
Will they be doing American to English?
It's like the fire service and call-outs to places like this University. We don't get charged for real fires, but we do get charged for false alarms when contractors set of alarms of people smoke in the toilets (we get a couple of free call-outs, then charged). The argument is that service is staffed and funded to provide (X) responses per year. It doesn't matter that (n) are fake; they require staff and resources and hence can be assigned a cost. If there we no false alarms, we'd need fewer fire engines & fire men so the service would be cheaper - the fake calls use real money.
For the SWAT guys I strongly suspect there's a desk load of paperwork after the event and conceivably damages to those SWATted or to people who can't get home through a roadblock. It all takes resource away from the job in hand.
Apparently it's hard to run a secure currency.
Who'd have thought it?
I feel sad that an innovative idea has failed...
...but it really did seem like space littering.
Re: Force feedback?
Nah, force feedback is when we tell them not to use racial profiling and that that reports of random stop and search in the press don't look good .
Isn't this the same as the (risks racist tag) Irish Virus which went round a few years ago?
"Greetings, You have just received the "IRISH VIRUS". As we don't have any programming experience, this Virus works on the honour system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this Virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank you for your cooperation."
Ah. No. This one actually works.
I have a bad feeling about this...
"Neighbours of the star told our reporters 'We didn't see him much. Quiet type. He always kept himself to himself but as soon as we heard about the rogue asteroids wiping out the dinosaurs I just knew it had to be him."
"How do they propose to tell from a photo of fresh faced 3 year old me that from age 19ish I would have a full beard?"
That's a very good point, Sue.
I'm impressed at the standards
They wear hairnets and full gowns just to put the phones into the boxes. IMAGINE what the assembly facility must be like!
Please tell me...
...that the scientists announcing the world's most accurate clock were late for the press conference.
Re: Dropbox magic
Perhaps they calculate the hash during the upload where they have to have process the data, rather than go back and examine it later.
I hereby resolve...
....never to read any article with "quantum" in the headline.
It's just embarrassing how little I understand.
Mind you... Could these quantum scientist guys be bluffing? I mean if it gets you funding to play with lasers - you'd stretch the truth a bit wouldn't you? And who peer-reviews it all? OTHER QUANTUM PHYSICISTS! Mighty convenient, if you ask me.
"by carrying out the first skull transplant using plastic parts built in a 3D printer."
May I point out that this is an implant, not a transplant? My membership of the British Pedantic Society (soon to be renamed British Society of Pedants, as it's the members who are pedantic, not the society itself) is up for renewal.
As he's British and leaving the country to spend time with a group of male colleagues and get high, may I suggest "ISStag Night"
ANOTHER cosmological wager from Hawking?
I'm beginning to worry that the man has a bit of a gambling problem. Come to think of it, isn't he playing poker in his ST:NG cameo?
Re: Congratulations to the team ...
"Barraco Barner" Hate to own up, but back in 2007, on the first few times I heard his name on the radio (before I saw it written down) I thought the man running for president against John McCain was called Barry Cobalmer. And I can still never be quite sure whether it's McCain or McClane who was in a Die Hard movies.
A barometer? That's pretty useful.
Oh. Wait. It DOESN'T tell you how good the beer is before you go into the bar? That's disappointing.
Thank heavens it's not just me. I have now read the Wikipedia article "In mathematics and physics, a soliton is a self-reinforcing solitary wave (a wave packet or pulse) that maintains its shape while it travels at constant speed." but feel I should point out that "read" and "understood" are not synonyms.
I... I... I don't know what to say.
It's an Apple patent.
But it does seem (to this non-expert) actually useful.
Is this a glitch in The Matrix?
- Leaked screenshots show next Windows kernel to be a perfect 10
- Amazon warming up 'cheapo web video' cannon to SINK Netflix
- Something for the Weekend, Sir? I need a password to BRAKE? What? No! STOP! Aaaargh!
- Episode 13 BOFH: WHERE did this 'fax-enabled' printer UPGRADE come from?
- Vulture at the Wheel Ford's B-Max: Fiesta-based runaround that goes THUNK