* Posts by David S

293 publicly visible posts • joined 28 Mar 2007

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Privacy? Forget it. Sell your brain and desires to the highest bidder

David S
Coat

A marketing luddite writes:

Speaking for myself, if and when my toaster breaks, I'll probably make a mental note to pick up a new one next time I'm at the supermarket. It'll cost something like twenty quid, will toast four slices of bread roughly as well as the previous one, and hence will perform its role (or roll, for the pun-addicted among you) adequately without having to be all internet-connected or pseudo-intelligent.

Even if someone were trying to market the latest and greatest toasting gizmo to me, I very strongly doubt whether I'd fall for it. I mean, it's hardly the ultimate lifestyle accessory, is it?

Or is it?

Scientists discover galaxy's youngest supernova

David S

@Flocke

"There will be plenty of supernovas to watch in the next billions of years."

Well, you might be willing to wait around to see 'em, but I'm a busy man. Got things to see, people to do. Let me know how they work out for you.

Asimo conducts symphony orchestra

David S
Coat

1208? 1808 would be clever...

...Given that (according to the indisputable Wikipedia) the metronome was invented in 1812.

Funnily enough, my mobile phone comes with a little metronome gadget (alongside the remembering my passwords gadget, the world time gadget, the converting Centigrade to Fahrenheit gadget and the shoe-size-to-wang-size gadget that I don't ever use) and I'm pretty sure it was cheaper than Asimo.

Looks less like a midget in a spacesuit though, which is a point in Asimo's favour.

OpenOffice update released

David S

OOo helped me land my new job.

I was asked to prepare a presentation for the interview; Impress produced a suitably professional slide-deck, and it allowed me to export it to shockwave as well. This turned out to be helpful, as it allowed me to launch my presentation from an internet-connected browser without having to bring along a USB key or disk... Scored me some geek points, apparently.

So. Good enough for most peoples' needs? Absolutely. Worth every penny and more.

Robo spy-zeppelin prototype in test flight

David S
Happy

That sub-title is genius.

All hail Igglepiggle.

(My excuse: a two-year-old son. Honest)

Arthur C. Clarke dead at 90

David S

For me...

...it was The Fountains of Paradise.

Truly sad. You'll be missed.

US firm demos 'thought into speech' neckband

David S
Coat

Market it as...

The Tourettleneck?

I never even took my coat off...

BOFH: The secret gentlemen's club

David S

@Nicholas Ettel

You so would.

DAB: A very British failure

David S

Somebody's reading Catch-22...

I'm pretty sure I've spotted a higher-than-background level of Heller references round these parts lately...

BlackBerry inventor escapes UK patent fees

David S

Eh?

Common-sense being applied to software patents? What the...

Oh, *UK* patent law. I see...

Schools warned of chilling 'Strawberry Meth' menace

David S
Unhappy

Someone left the cake out in the rain

I don't think I can take it

'Cos it took so long to bake it

And I'll never have that recipe again...

Nine Inch Nails cracks net distribution (maybe)

David S

Fuck, yeah!

This is more like it.

Let's face it, £2.60 is bargain-bin prices for (IMHO) top-notch product. What's not to like? If all music was available on a similar model, we'd be able to sample half-a-dozen different artists' work for the price of a single album; those are good odds for finding some birlliant music.

Metal Gear Solid 4 to launch on 12 June

David S

@Steve Barnes

Possibly they don't care as much as you do? Just a thought.

This looks like quite a lot of fun. In a couple of years time, when I can afford the time and money to get one of these (hopefully one or two of the kids will have moved out by then) it should be available in a bargain bin somewhere. Woo hoo.

Bitter? Moi?

BOFH: Vampires!

David S
Happy

Looking forward to next Friday...

...'cos it's my last day working here. I shall consider sobriety as optional.

Hurrah.

Start-up boost planned for Windows Vista applications

David S
Linux

@TeeCee

"This is the company that sold DOS-with-a-GUI-front-end for several years, just so that in extremis you could drop the GUI and run your ill-behaved POS DOS program natively."

Was that the only reason? Purely for backwards-compatability? Not just 'cos it was considerably easier (and cheaper, presumably) to run Windows as a POS GUI on top of the POS OS?

Don't get me wrong, though. Some of the best OSs have been / are GUIs on top of CLIs, but I have to say I'm not sure Windows was ever among the truly great or good...

US gov now says Eye-o-Sauron™ border masts are crap

David S
Black Helicopters

@Big Success

Cool. Reckon there'd be a chance of getting one of those 27,000 projects over this side of the pond? Special relationship and all that... 100% guaranteed to cost tens of millions of dollars and come _this_ close to working, requiring only another few tens of millions of dollars next year to come a little closer?

I mean, if the US govt are that keen to throw away trillions of dollars, then I'm happy to supply a binbag or two...

Public don't want internet filters, MS tells MPs

David S
Unhappy

@xjy

Mmm. I'm not sure the Duchess was the best parenting role-model, though. Look at how how her baby turned out...

I'd just like to say: I quite like Tanya Byron. She comes out with some sensible stuff on the box. Sadly, I expect the report with her name on it will probably read "yadda yadda violent video games bad, m'kay yadda" because saying anything other than that would be political / media career suicide, innit.

Acer Aspire 2920 budget laptop

David S

No, just sensible.

I wouldn't give a £200 laptop to our sixteen-year-old, because I know (from bitter experience) what would happen the first time its wireless connection failed when he was in the middle of chatting to some underaged floozy.

Kids, eh? Tch.

Stallman steps back from Emacs

David S

Real programmers...

...use butterflies.

http://www.xkcd.com/378/

Disintegrating wind turbine caught on camera

David S
Coat

Spectacular!

...but nothing compared to the drama of Chernobyl...

the radiation suit, thanks...

Newcomer punts miniature 'pub phone'

David S

Additional specs for pub phone

Another handy feature would be a big "taxi" button pre-configured to call your favourite local chariot, and a pocket in the back where you could tuck a tenner so you don't accidentally drink your take-me-home funds...

The evolution of Crystal Reports

David S

Golly.

I was beginning to regret not posting anon there. Couldn't quite see how I'd managed to be the only person in the entire IT milieu who had anything other than a bad word for Crystal.

Nice to know I'm not alone after all.

If it's been mis-sold as an enterprise solution, then that's a shame and you probably have a legitimate gripe against the idiot who bought it and the shark who sold it, but that's not the fault of the software. I've spent the last three long, dreadful years working with supposedly "enterprise" CRM software that SERIOUSLY sucked, so I know that pain.

At the same time, my small team have, in our spare time, used Visual Studio and Crystal to throw together a pretty nifty (modesty? Huh?) reporting solution on the very slenderest of shoestrings while we waited (two years and counting) for the enterprise BI solution (I won't name it, but it rhymes with "bognos") to finally deliver. The enterprise BI is *still* "coming soon", and in the meantime our senior execs are using our Crystal-reports-based jury-rigged POS to produce their corporate reports. Okay, this is only for our EMEA operation (the US have a simpler system; no multilingual or multicurrency issues there...) but still. Not bad.

If you know what you're doing (that's important) and you know its capabilities (also important) and you're able to avoid the pitfall of being asked to deliver beyond its capabilities (and let's not get bitchy about those; they're not THAT restrictive) then it's actually a pretty decent solution. That's not to say there aren't better, but it's not the worst I've seen.

And, since I speak with the voice of experience, I feel justified in saying: So there.

David S

Well...

...I have to say, I've found it to be pretty useful in the past. Within its limits, it's not too bad.

There are better tools out there, though. I feel I ought to mention Stonefield Query in particular; good stuff there...

Crystal Reports as SaaS? Interesting. I'll check out the paper before I rush to judgement.

Doctor Who and the moody Dane

David S

Brilliant.

"...That Rosencrantz and Guildenstern... are wed!"

Creased me up.

Ms Stob, you are a genius.

Sergey Brin: 'Microhoo! makes me nervous'

David S

Pedants' Dictionary

Why do pedants need their own dictionary? How does it differ from those used by everyone else?

Off-topic I know, but I simply had to ask...

cDc automates Google Hacking

David S

@Luke

...and the internet loves you right back...

UK rattles 'three strikes' filesharing sabre (again)

David S
Pirate

Oh jeez...

Thinking of the number of times I've uninstalled Limewire from our (shared) home PC, or had to tell one or another of our kids to please stop downloading crap off the 'tubes, I can see that our internet connection isn't going to last very long if this legislation goes through...

Bloody kids.

Ubuntu chief ushers in the age of Intrepid Ibex

David S

Re: Xs

Xanthic Xenomorph

(That's yellowish alien to you...)

Jedi to open Surrey academy

David S
Thumb Up

@Neil Hoskins

You could try "Bright" (http://www.the-brights.net/)

Anyhoo. Sounds like an excuse for a bit of a laugh. Can't honestly see them trying to use their "powers" for real, and it's a reasonable way to find a bunch of like-minded people to have a giggle with down the pub. In my younger days I'd probably have been up for it myself...

Praise Bob indeed.

On the open source implications of Dell's rodent abuse

David S

Mmm. Pie.

Hands up any male geek cooks? Anyone?

o/

Cooking's "just simple chemistry" really, isn't it? (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20080213) And geekery's handy when you're doubling up a cake recipe (for example) and have to work out what size of tin you need to use...

'Suspicious comment' provokes LAX terminal evacuation

David S

Re: Osama sends his love

He must be pissing himself right now. Hugging his knees in delight in his little cave, crowing with glee at the extent to which the west is over-reacting...

David S

That comment in full:

"Does anyone here remember Noraid?"

Pr0n baron challenges Google and Yahoo! to build better child locks

David S
Happy

@Ken Hagan

Quite so, sir! Well said that man.

David S
Paris Hilton

@Chris C

Sure, America has some serious issues regarding her sexuality. How can a society with probably the world's largest porn industry and with legalised brothels (in places) collapse in paroxysms of shocked outrage at the merest glimpse of well-preserved pop star's breast during a "wardrobe malfunction" for example?

Puts me in mind of an adolescent squirming when the movie he's watching with his parents suddenly throws up a sex scene. I'm sure, with a little more maturity, America will come to terms with her conflicting responses. In the meantime, it would be nice if she could stop covering her eyes and yelling "Eww!!" - it's putting the more mature societies off an interesting juncture in the narrative. Herm herm.

On the other hand, while nudity and sex are natural and all that, there are questions of appropriate context. It's not generally accepted (in modern, western cultures) as appropriate for children to be sexualised, for example. Hence sitting a six-year-old down in front of "Debbie does Dallas" or explaining the finer points (herm herm) of triple-penetration vs bukkake to a preschooler would, on the whole, be considered a little beyond the pale.

This isn't to say that labelling everything below the belt as "dirty" is necessarily the healthiest thing to do, but a frank and grown-up approach is probably best.

It does seem strange to have a porn baron lecturing a search engine on moral grounds, though. Surreal, almost. Paris, 'cos... Well, just 'cos.

OnlineTV recorder TVCatchup.com shut down

David S

@Keith

Since the brand you immediately linked with the concept "Beans" was "Heinz", I'd say their advertising had already done its job. So no biggie you not watching their adverts any more.

Anyway, you're living in France. What the bloody hell are you doing even thinking of heinz beans?

HP latches onto Qualcomm's Gobi chipset

David S

HSDPA, CDMA, EVDO, GSM, UMTS, GSM...

...Now I know what a "civilian" hears when I start talking geek...

Exploding Flash catalogue rocks Dutch e-commerce site

David S

Dutch isn't one of my languages, but...

...I'm guessing this is a spoof, or jape, celebrating the launch of their new website. Or something. If you watch it all the way through it ends up with a kind of a "way-hey" look to it, if you see what I mean.

Actually, I find this mildly less offensive than those flash-powered navigation bars that beep and whirr and spin and stuff. Honestly...

More remote workers squatting next door's broadband

David S
Joke

@Jason Clery

Where'd you find that tape, by the way? We've been looking for it for ages... You could have washed the coffee mug too, y'tinker.

How about the poor sod living next door to Kylie who keeps hearing her singing in her shower? Does he owe her royalties for the live performance he receives every morning?

Israel gets kosher phone service

David S
Coat

Is it just me...

...or does the idea of porn on your mobile phone seem a bit pointless?

I mean, even the iPhone still has a teeny, tiny screen really, and it's hard to operate one-handed. And that's with good eyesight.

Once your palms start getting hairy and your vision goes blurry...

Brits can't distinguish history from the TV listings

David S
Happy

Sarah Bee?

...not THE Sarah Bee?

how the devil are you? Haven't seen you since the demise of TFT...

Apple ships Air

David S
Coat

Apples never hang, right?

I only ask because sometimes my Windows laptop gets all introspective and sullen and the only way to cheer it up is to remove its battery 'cos even the power switch isn't responding. I hope this is purely a Windows thing, though, 'cos if one of these new-fangled air jobbies gets the same kind of blues it's going to be a choice between whipping out a screwdriver or waiting for the batteries to run out...

I dunno. The things laptop designers will do for a sleek line...

Is this the world's most expensive desktop PC?

David S

Jeez.

Can't believe there isn't the Linux option...

Experience overcomes Microsoft's broken promises

David S
Coat

how to do it easily for free...

Post an article on a feisty, tech-savvy website, telling everyone how difficult a certain job is. Wait for the most convincing "Oh, that's easy" replies to come in, then call their bluffs. If you judge things right, you should be able to get at least one person with enough experience sufficiently riled that they'll show you exactly how to solve the problem, probably using open-source tools, just to prove you wrong...

Buy them a pint or two after the work's done, to show there's no hard feelings, and keep a note of their contact details for the next time you find yourself relying on dubious vapourware for the delivery of a project.

Guitar Hero gets true air axe

David S

What Shaun said.

...But with fewer question marks. I guess I'm showing my age, but I'd rather just put the album on and play my trusty air guitar. That way the tune sounds the way it's supposed to.

WowWee wheels in Tribot

David S

Mmm...

Can't say I'm tempted, to be honest, although I do like the way its little wheels work. Could be potential applications there. Shame the first-gen incarnation is so annoying, though.

BOFH: Beancounter bashing

David S

Betjeman had the right idea

http://www-cdr.stanford.edu/intuition/Slough.html

Wikipedia COO was convicted felon

David S

@Pantelis

Heart surgery.

PC World parent awaits FTSE 100 relegation

David S
Boffin

People may be getting wise...

...but the retailers aren't acting like they are.

I was in a major retailer (it was Toys R Us, as it happens) and was distracted from the impressive array of Dr Who gubbins by a display of overpriced laptops.

One of these was running software which claimed to assist Mr Consumer to choose the best machine for his needs; it had an array of tickboxes representing possible applications, and a slider thing across the bottom to show what sort of machinery would best suit.

Ticking "Browsing Internet" and "Instant Messaging" together (with no other options, mind...) raised the recommended processor from Centrino to Core Duo.

I mean, it's patently ridiculous. I know everyone here will understand this(and I know at least half of you are preparing a "Well, if they use Vista that's about right" one-liner and I applaud those of you, like me*, who resisted the urge...) but one can only assume that the world is largely populated by trusting folks who'll be utterly taken in by this lie. And it IS a lie; let's not mince words...

* Bugger.

Software maker releases the hounds on security vuln reporter

David S

@TeeCee

Good gracious. You're right. Black *is* white...

I think I may have to go have a short lie down. There's a lot to take in...

Canadian loses $20K in phony eBay sale

David S

@Anon (soupy coins guy)

I presume you reported this to the police as well? Given that the scammer had supplied you with his address, and with the virtual paper trail and all, it seems likely that eBay could be one scammer down thanks to you...

Oh, and Richard: Can you recommend me a reputable escrow company? My cousin thought the escrow company which was holding his payment for him were reputable until they vanished, very like a thief in the night.

I think the rule of "Don't spend what you can't afford to lose" is probably safest in this context...

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