* Posts by Christoph

1813 posts • joined 24 Dec 2007

FORK ME! Uber hauls GitHub into court to find who hacked database of 50,000 drivers

Christoph
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March last year?

Hey you, explain why you visited an obscure web page nearly a year ago! What do you mean you can't remember? That's very suspicious!

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Facebook sad-nav: How to put depressed chums on internet suicide watch

Christoph
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Hi Gerald, you know that very private message you shared with only the one friend you knew you could really trust?

Tough luck, he handed over to us.

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Spotty Ceres baffles boffins with bright patches

Christoph
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How about the microamanfromMars as the El Reg unit?

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Boffin: Use my bionic breakthrough for good, and not super cyborgs

Christoph
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Re: pfft

Yet more prophetic SF: Limbo '90

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Who uses the Universal Credit system? ALMOST NOBODY, says report

Christoph
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Benefits of benefits

"As the department has justified this spending on the promise of benefits in the future – such as from higher employment "

You don't get higher employment by Belgiuming about with the benefits system. You don't get higher employment by starving people for the crime of being out of work. You get higher employment by making more jobs available.

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Wanna free web domain for a year? Hey, it's not rocket .science

Christoph
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Maybe they wanted to see what is most popular so they can charge more for them or reserve them?

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Christoph
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Unhappy

Bother!

mad.science has already gone

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Not even GCHQ and NSA can crack our SIM key database, claims Gemalto

Christoph
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How would they know? The NSA doesn't bother hacking into places where it can plant compromised equipment. Or it might have used an inside agent.

They claim they couldn't have missed an attacker, but the NSA missed Snowden!

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Spacewalking NASA 'nauts hook up power and data cables to ISS Harmony module

Christoph
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Re: You think you 'ad it tough.

When I was a boy all our networks

Were for hauling in fish from the sea--

Our bawd rate was eight bits an hour (and she was worth it!),

And our IP address was just 3.

And you kids who complain that the World Wide Web

Is too slow oughtta cut out your bitchin',

'Cuz when I was a boy every packet

Was delivered by carrier pigeon

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Christoph
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"new docking adapters" ... "lubricate the end of the space station's robotic arm"

Presumably all the usual headline writers are taking Sunday off?

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Be your own Big Brother: Covert home spy gadgetry

Christoph
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Re: re. 'Casio' and 'Pure' items

Can't they? If that calculator has Casio's name on it, can they not sue anyway? It may be explained to the purchaser so it's not actually passing off, but it is damaging Casio's good name if their kit is distrusted by other people as if it was made by Sony or Lenovo.

And it presumably carries various things that are registered as Casio trademarks. I doubt you could get away with selling something with a picture of Mickey Mouse on it just by telling the buyer that it's not a genuine Disney product!

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Did NSA, GCHQ steal the secret key in YOUR phone SIM? It's LIKELY

Christoph
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Re: @Christoph

Yes, the nuclear power bit is one of the main reasons I said that the Greens are a long way from perfect. But they don't deliberately leave people starving on the streets to give more money to their rich pals.

They are human. They do wrong things. They do stupid things. But they don't do vile things.

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Christoph
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Angel

"It is longstanding policy that we do not comment on intelligence matters. [T]he UK's interception regime is entirely compatible with the European Convention on Human Rights."

Nobody is allowed to know anything about what we do, but we are all sweet and innocent. No, we're not going to give you any evidence of that. Yes, we've been proved to break those rules over and over in the past, but we don't do it now - because we say we don't, so there. Trust us!

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Christoph
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The only party (in England) outside the current block is the Greens. They're a long way from perfect, but they're way, way better than the blue, red and yellow Tories. Someone worked out that if people voted for policies rather than parties, the Greens would be the biggest party in parliament.

Have a look at Vote for policies

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After Brit spies 'snoop' on families' lawyers, UK govt admits: We flouted human rights laws

Christoph
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"It does not mean that there was any deliberate wrongdoing on the part of the security and intelligence agencies"

If they listened in on conversations between lawyer and client and passed that information to the prosecution, and did not realise that this was illegal, they should be fired for gross incompetence.

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BLOOD STAR of the NEANDERTHALS passed close to our Sun

Christoph
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"So where are they????"

Behind you!

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A cookie with a 7,984-year lifespan. Blimey, Roy Batty only got 4!

Christoph
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Year 9999

The cause is obvious - a lazy developer just set the maximum possible date to make sure they wouldn't expire.

The solution is simple - ask the CEO to explain, in public, why his company needs to store the cookie for so long. The developers will very quickly learn not to do that!

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Big Brother in SPAACE: Mars One picks first 100 morons to suffocate, er, settle on Red Planet

Christoph
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Just suppose it actually works, and they get people up there and living there. And then everyone gets bored with the reality show that's just showing the same old things over and over, and their funding disappears.

There's no way to evacuate. They can't keep going forever, sooner or later the colonists are going to be abandoned.

And that assumes that nothing catastrophic goes wrong, when any kind of help is years away. They can't do a Shackleton and work their way home, they're stuck there.

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Hackers fear arms control pact makes exporting flaws illegal

Christoph
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Re: I wore a T-shirt similar to this one on several trips (10? 12?) ...

It's hilarious until you're the victim getting the rubber glove or the several years in a US jail.

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W3C turns BROWSERS into VIBRATORS

Christoph
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It needs a same-origin policy - only the site you are viewing can activate it, not the adverts.

Hopefully NoScript will add this - it's very similar to things they do already.

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HIGH-RANNOSAURUS WRECKED: Druggie dinos tripped balls on psychedelics – boffins

Christoph
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I saw one theory that a ship's stores got contaminated with ergot and all the crew went crazy and jumped overboard, leaving the Marie Celeste to drift.

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Blighty quietly signs deal to read giant EU border control database

Christoph
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Re: WT actual F?

You mean you object to your information being stored in a massive database where the criminals can easily bribe or hack their way to it? How could they possibly have thought of that when they were setting it up?

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US anti-backdoor bill: If at first you're shot down in flames – try, try again

Christoph
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What's the point?

"Under the proposed Secure Data Act, developers cannot be forced to insert security holes into devices and code."

... unless it's for national security, in which case there's a secret directive that says they can do it regardless of the law.

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China demands real names online, bans parody accounts and news article comments

Christoph
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"the majority of Chinese citizens will applaud the new rules."

the majority of Chinese citizens will applaud the new rules.

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Christoph
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Ho Lee Fook

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Abuse of health data deserves JAIL, thunders ethics body

Christoph
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All your medical information will be kept securely.

And in other news strong encryption will be outlawed, so it will be impossible to keep information secure.

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Breaking news: BBC FINALLY spots millions of mugshots on cop database

Christoph
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Don't worry - it's 100% reliable

From the Beeb's website:

"Andy Ramsay, identification manager at Leicestershire Police, told Newsnight the force now had a database with 100,000 custody photos.

He said searches of the database using facial recognition were 100% reliable in cases where there were clear images, and could be completed in seconds."

So you can be reassured that your photos are safe in the hands of an incompetent prat who couldn't recognise a clue if it smashed him over the head.

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Carmakers DEFLATED by AIRBAG FLAW as US watchdog recalls TWO MEELLION vehicles

Christoph
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"deploy inadvertently – that is, in the absence of a crash."

If the airbags deploy without warning, there very probably will be a crash!

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Snapchat jihadist-fearing peers return with LAST GASP Snoopers' Charter demand

Christoph
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"Snoopers' Charter – a term which Lord West claimed was "emotive claptrap"."

Calling it a Snoopers' Charter - emotive claptrap.

"If you don't let us spy on everything you do, YOU'LL ALL BE MURDERED IN YOUR BEDS BY TERRORISTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - reasoned debate.

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Boffin finds formula for four-year-five-nines disk arrays

Christoph
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"the cost of calling someone to replace a dead drive far outweighs the price of the disk"

So why use an expensive fleshy? It's a standard box in a standard slot with standard connections, arranged in a standard rack in known positions. Just have a juke-box type arm swing in and do the replacement.

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Passing asteroid MOONS the HUMAN RACE

Christoph
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It's the Iron Chicken

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'Boozed up' US drone spook CRASHED UFO into US White House

Christoph
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Re: For the Nth time

Help, there's drones flying all over my lawn!

They must be from that bee-hive next door.

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NSA gunning for Google, wants cop-spotting dropped from Waze app

Christoph
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Some law abiding US citizens need to know where the police are, for their own safety. So they can avoid walking down the street past them and getting shot dead for Walking While Black.

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Sly peers attempt to thrust hated Snoopers' Charter into counter-terror and security bill

Christoph
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Big Brother

Nothing to do with terrorism

We want to have and use every technically possible means of spying on the population, without limit.

What was this week's excuse for needing it, again?

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UK Scouts database 'flaws' raise concerns

Christoph
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Standard response

If (Users report serious security problems)

{

Say "Security is our first concern";

Say "Our system has been properly tested and is secure";

Do <null>;

}

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Facebook: Yo 'people'! Zap fake news on our giant ad farm, would'ja?

Christoph
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Poe's Law strikes again.

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Wizard of Oz OFFICIALLY 'most significant movie' EVER, says PNAS

Christoph
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Wizard of Oz most significant?

Inconceivable!

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Just WHY is the FBI so sure North Korea hacked Sony? NSA: *BLUSH*

Christoph
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"our shared goal is to prevent bad actors from exploiting, disrupting or damaging U.S. commercial networks and cyber infrastructure. When it becomes clear that cyber criminals have the ability and intent to do damage, we work cooperatively to defend networks."

When we hacked into their networks, we found that these terrible criminals were hacking into our networks!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Boffins: It's EASY to make you GRASS YOURSELF UP for crimes you never did

Christoph
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I wonder how effectively you could plant false memories if you could hold someone in isolation for a decade while continually interrogating and torturing them?

Not that any civilised country would do that, of course.

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Lloyds supplier payments TITSUP: What, you want MONEY from a BANK?

Christoph
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"The Account Payable Helpdesk has stopped answering calls from suppliers due to the volume of queries"

So they didn't hear the call saying "All future orders from you will be on a pro-forma basis"?

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$500 TEDDY BEAR teaches tots to spit up personal data

Christoph
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Re: Creepy - Betrayal!!

Even worse if Hobbes had been doing that.

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Uber reveals fresh passenger data spaff – and city officials are OK with this

Christoph
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How long will it take before someone de-anonymises large chunks of that data? A few days maybe?

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Professor's BEAGLE lost for 10 years FOUND ON MARS

Christoph
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Re: Wwas then never heard from again

No, the re-entry temperature was too much for the sticky-back plastic they built it with.

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2015 will be the Year of Linux on the, no wait, of the dot-word domain EXPLOSION

Christoph
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Re: It will be a forced explosion, not a choice.

It is always a temptation for a rich and lazy nation,

To puff and look important and to say: –

"Though we know we should defeat you,

we have not the time to meet you.

We will therefore pay you cash to go away."

And that is called paying the Dane-geld;

But we've proved it again and again,

That if once you have paid him the Dane-geld

You never get rid of the Dane.

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Paris terror attacks: ISPs face pressure to share MORE data with governments

Christoph
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The number of people killed in Paris is roughly about two months worth of the number of children killed as bystanders by drone strikes. The difference being of course that we are killing those children to Fight Terrorism!

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Mr Cameron goes to Washington for PESKY HACKERS chinwag with Pres Obama

Christoph
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80%?

"more than 80 per cent of UK firms had tackled an internet security breach in 2014."

If you include things like a single, easily contained attack by a virus, you could stretch that to an even larger scare figure. But maybe they thought that would be too obvious.

Still, it's nice to know that the problem will be sorted out by two such experts on how the internet works.

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Tesla S P85+: Smiling all the way to the next charging point

Christoph
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Re: If only..

The more energy you store and the smaller and lighter the thing you store it in, the more dangerous it is when things go wrong and all that energy makes a break for freedom.

There's an obvious long-term answer to the storage problem, but what happens when the isolation breaks down and all that anti-matter goes off at once?.

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20 years on: The satirist's satirist Peter Cook remembered

Christoph
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And don't forget

The Impressive Clergyman

Mawaige!

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US kills EU watchdog's probe into EU cops sharing EU citizens' data

Christoph
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They refuse to show that the agreement is being adhered to - cancel the agreement. End of problem. End of discussion.

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UK data cops warn Optical Express to stop spamming 1000s of customers

Christoph
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I'm not a customer of theirs, but I had an email offering laser eye surgery (I can't remember the details).

Buying anything from a spammer is crazy, but eye surgery?

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