* Posts by dervheid

1194 publicly visible posts • joined 12 Dec 2007

South Korean prez turns on the internet

dervheid
Pirate

Like I said Matt...

Soon to be adopted here, no doubt.

Welcome to the NuLabourian Empire. Resistance is... just pointless, really.

dervheid
Stop

Soon to be...

adopted here, no doubt.

Hard 'core'? Birmingham City Council's net filtering

dervheid
Paris Hilton

Dear Kane

You must be your hairdresser's favourite customer, as you appear quite adept at splitting hairs.

You really must get them to try a different shampoo though, as your current one seems to be affecting your ability to comprehend the basic points being made;

The council have 'ownership' of the equipment, in so much as even if they do not purchase and operate it directly, then *they* pay whoever does this on their behalf. This gives them the obligation to the good council taxpayers of Birmingham to ensure that, as far as is possible, this equipment is not being *misused*.

Now, we can all argue until we're blue in the face about what constitutes *misuse*, but I do believe that BCC have have the absolute right to decide what purpose *their* equipment is being used for, regardless of it's legality. As I would expect of any organisation/company.

She gets it, you don't!

dervheid

Don't see the problem...

personally.

It is morally unacceptable to 'block' a select few *religious* sites, whilst allowing access to others. Everyone has the right to follow (or not to follow) whichever religion they choose of their own free will.

However.

The council could go the other way and 'block' all *religious* sites!

Would this be seen as fair?

Boils down to this;

Their equipment, their rules.

Pretty much like every other employer that allows their staff to use their equipment for internet access.

Old ships' logs show temporary global warming in 1730s

dervheid
Joke

It's just 'denialist' propaganda.

Of course!

Note to the Eco-Nazis;

Sarcasm in use here!

Home Office bankrolls plastic plod 'documentaries'

dervheid
Alert

@ Tee Cee

Just take your pick. They're pretty much all overdue

Dell files patent office application for 'cloud computing'

dervheid
Joke

Patent/Trademark;

Faeces/Excrement.

Same shit, different name.

Please adjust your sarcasm/irony detectors accordingly.

Must remember to use this icon more often, just to make it more *obvious* for some people out there!

dervheid
Stop

This only shows...

just how fucked-up the 'patent' system really is, if any company/organisation/individual could be granted a patent for a two-word phrase.

Must file a patent application;

"Cloud Computing" - A combination of measurement instrumentation and specifically created software to enable the calculation of the dispersal cloud from a release of toxic or flammable gasses / bullshit.

Rumour of redesigned iPhone

dervheid
Happy

@ Chris Gibson

Dear Chris

Please reboot your irony / sarcasm detectors, as they have clearly malfunctioned.

Or are you just a (now out of the) closet iPhone fanboi?

ps. I believe your 'gravitas' sensor may require calibration also.

dervheid
Paris Hilton

Yay!

Milk that sucker / those suckers for all it's / their worth!

Even SHE's not *that* gullible!

Greens: Abandon economic growth to beat CO2 offshoring

dervheid
Stop

Oh look...

another barking mad Eco-Nazi.

This guy, clearly, needs a reality check.

Yes, we've all heard the " but if you don't do something NOW it WILL be all "log cabin with goose fat lamps" and hair shirts, eating lentils" arguments. They don't wash with the masses, as Mr Wray so eloquently points out.

I'm sure that we'd almost all like to be a little more "environmentally friendly", but if you try and herd me into YOUR version of a 'Green Utopia' with a big (sustainably sourced) stick, I'm going to take said stick and insert it in one of your bodily orifices where the sun don't shine.

Thank you for listening.

US customs: Yes, we can seize your laptop, iPod

dervheid
Thumb Down

"Disneyland Florida"

No.

That'd be "Disneyworld Florida"

Your jacket must be a knock-off.

dervheid
Joke

So, you're going to send a Macbook Air...

by Royal Mail / US Postal service between the UK and the US.

In an envelope.

And I suppose you expect to be able to use this laptop upon receipt!

Right.

Gotta admire your optimism / large bank balance / fondness for jigsaw puzzles.

dervheid
Unhappy

Just...

don't go to, or through, the US.

Mind you, there's little doubt that the NuLaborians are currently working up a UK version of this.

The US now has a new national anthem;

"Paranoid"

Toyota unveils Segway rivals

dervheid
Happy

"Best. Moderatrix. Ever."

"Um, says who?"

<Yes, I AM wearing my flameproof pants!>

dervheid
Dead Vulture

I see...

that El Reg seems to shy away from the term 'paraplegic'.

Can't think why. It's legitimate medical terminology for someone who has lost, or lost the use of, both their legs.

The S or M versions look like they could be used by someone suffering this type of disability.

Or is there a problem perceived in using the term 'paraplegic' in the same comment as "lazy short-arsed fuckers".

Or was it the "Dwarfs" reference.

Or is it just OK to mock the fat.

If you're gonna mock one group, it's gotta be open season all round (as it were).

Foreign Office reports five data losses to Info Commissioner

dervheid
Boffin

same shit...

different day!

I'm beginning to see a pattern here

Confess to losses of data.

Regularly.

Sheeple get used to gov. data losses

Sheeple loose interest in gov. data losses

Problem gone.

Sumerians cracked world's oldest joke

dervheid
Boffin

So that's where...

El Reg is sourcing it's jokes!

"It's all so clear to me now, Dave"

Dr. Strangevote saves mankind with Luddite voting recipe

dervheid
Black Helicopters

"impartiality of the providers of the technology"

I would imagine that the vast majority of the voting populace will be utterly ignorant of whosoever the technology providers are, far less any idea (or concern) of their political 'interests'. All the sheeple care about is just how much (or rather, how little) time/physical effort out of their 'busy' lives voting will take. That's why this form of voting is SO attractive. The sheeple love it!

dervheid
Pirate

Or have optical scanners made the paper ballot feasible once again?

Not if the apparently already-forgotten-by-some fiasco of the last set of Scottish Parliamentary and Local Governmental elections is anything to go by!

MPs report back from internet's dark side

dervheid
Black Helicopters

Muddled?

Yet another prime example of just how little knowledge those involved in creating this report actually have of the physical composition of the 'internet'.

Ultimately, and unfortunately, they will discover that they cannot exert any control over content and that the only way to limit access to any of the sites in question will be to block them entirely.

Welcome to The Peoples Republic of NuLabouria, formerly known as the United Kingdom.

Please deposit your personal freedom in the nearest waste bin/ballot box.

New Van Gogh pic discovered using German atom-smasher

dervheid

Two Van Gogh's...

for the price of one.

Now, if the boffins can find some way of actually separating the two paintings, that should just about cover their costs.

iPhone 3G not compatible with existing accessories

dervheid
Happy

Ha Ha Ha (clunk)

Just laughing my cock off!

Nice one, Apple!

It's official: The Home Office is listening

dervheid
Thumb Down

They seem to be trying the old adage...

If you can't blind them with science (coz they actually know more than you!)

Baffle them with bullshit!

Lots of Bullshit.

About the only thing this Govt. is any good at now.

Extra-heavy minicopter 'Jetpack' astounds world+dog

dervheid
Black Helicopters

fast-deploying parachute in case of trouble.

Now, I don't know how fast is 'fast' here, but as it's only going to take you about 3 seconds or so to drop a fairly-likely-to-be-fatal 50m...

Still, be another nice way for the rich & stupid to qualify for a Darwin Award.

Ex-Googlers reinvent web search

dervheid
Thumb Down

tied it...

it sucks!

dervheid

Tried it...

rather than 'tied it'

it sucks!

McKinnon loses Lords appeal

dervheid

"the former intelligence services commissioner"

Hmmm.

Now, you wouldn't want to accuse his lordship of possibly having even a teensy little bit of "Professional interest" in this case. Would you?

Nah.

Plods say it's OK for them give out your DNA

dervheid
Unhappy

Who the fuck...

gave THEM the authority to provide this data to anyone else without the 'owner's' specific consent? Could it be that, like the plods, if you asked, most people would be likely to tell them to fuck off?

The National Police Improvement Agency!

There's an oxymoron for you! Appears to be staffed by morons too.

As for the " newly formed ethics board", does that mean that prior to it's formation, no-one even gave the pretence of giving a toss about the 'ethics'?

Sounds like a case of "Oh shit, we've been rumbled. Quick, form an 'ethics board'. That'll keep them at bay whilst we think up some more excuses/try to find a way out of this"

The only way I want anyone to get a sample of my DNA is reproductively!

Branson unveils Virgin Galactic mothership

dervheid

Where...

did they get the idea to weld two jet aircraft together in the first place, then dangle a spaceship in the middle?

Man, that must have been some top class shit!

Bebo users to summon superhuman alien pop-fancier invasion

dervheid
Alien

This'd be funnier...

if today was April 1st.

I presume this git hasn't read Greg Bear's "The Forge of God".

Note to prospective Alien Overlords;

We're not ALL Bebo-heads!

Blank robbers swipe 3,000 'fraud-proof' UK passports

dervheid
Unhappy

the Identity & Passport Service says they're useless.

Given current governmental performance on data 'security', does anyone really believe that!

I'll bet they were in nice little cardboard boxes, clearly marked "Passports - UK - Blank"

"as the passports contain a chip, they can't be used to produce fake passports"

That'll be in the same way that 'as credit cards contain a chip, they can't be used to produce fake credit cards' then.

Fuckwits, the whole lot of them.

Orangutans concoct plant-based soothing balm

dervheid
Joke

Anti-inflammatory?

You'd have bloody sore arms swinging about the trees all day!

Oh, sorry.

You DO!

It's official: Samsung shows off i8510 8mp cameraphone

dervheid

@ memory speed miller

Can't see your point personally. I used the same card in my U600 and transferred it to the nokia 6500s that I finally got to replace it after 5 shitty samsung handsets. The nokia is way faster than the samsung ever was (about 5 times faster).

dervheid

@ paul charters

nice to know I wasn't the only person to have that kind of problem with a samsung phone. My Orange U600 WOULD let you change the tones via a profiles setting, but if you changed profile, or turned off the phone, everything went back to default.

Nothing will ever convince me to have another samsung phone.

dervheid

8Mp - so what?

Given the woefully s l o w performance of the 3Mp camera on the U600 I was unfortunate enough to own, you can only hope that they've addressed that issue or god only knows what good 8Mp will be, apart from creating horribly bloated file sizes.

Be better utilising a smaller camera and concentrating on image speed and quality as more megapixels does not automatically mean a better picture!

Sony Ericsson C702 rugged handset

dervheid

It's rugged credentials...

ain't the only thing that's a bit 'suspect', given, what could only kindly be called, that 'metro sexual' colour scheme. Bleuch!

More Andy Pandy than Andy McNab I say.

Norwegians demo 10cm video & GPS pocket-chopper

dervheid
Thumb Up

watched the vid

WANT ONE NOW!!

Awesome!

UK ISPs agree to menace their filesharing users

dervheid
Unhappy

You can almost hear...

the sounds of gleeful hand-rubbing by the Vultures, sorry, Lawyers on this one.

@ Adam Foxton

If you listen really carefully, you CAN hear the faint sound of Jack-Boots in the distance, along with a little tapping sound of more of our freedoms being eroded.

"Memorandum of Understanding". There's an oxymoron if ever there was one.

More like "Join us, or we'll start to use the big heavy stick with the nails in it to hit you with"

Be interesting to see how many of the 'usual suspects' have signed up to this.

HMV lines up a few VAT-free CDs and DVDs

dervheid
Black Helicopters

VATMAN!

& Robbin'. The Caped Crusaders.

Coming to an HMV near you soon.

Complete with all-new, uk.gov approved, electric/hybrid VATmobile.

(Please note; The VATarang has been outlawed under Health & Safety legislation. VATman will, however, use all legal weapons at his disposal!)

Same colour as the VATcopter.

Blinking to replace remote controls, claims Japanese boffin

dervheid
Happy

OK, he looks a total TIT, but...

if they CAN develop a functional, practical, and slightly (okay, extremely) less embarrassing version, then I can see this having a niche market in the disability sector.

It's still a brilliantly funny picture though!

Blighty's electro-supercar 2.0 uncloaked today

dervheid

Oh dear!

I seem to have upset another one.

"As to fossil fueled power stations, they're a damned-sight greenER than a fleet of fossil fueled vehicles - running at optimum performance and efficiency most of the time and fitted with far better exhaust management systems than any vehicle on the road."

Not the two big coal fired fuckers close to me matey! Until recently, their operator used to simply pay the massive fines for causing a whole shitload of acid rain, until they were finally told that they'd HAVE to fix the problem by installing exhaust gas scrubbers and de-sulphurisation or face being shut down.

BTW. did you actually bother your arse to read and comprehend my original post;

"..produce an economically viable electric car, capable of carrying the average family and their luggage the entire journey from central Scotland to Cornwall (530 miles), in reasonable, air conditioned comfort, in a journey time of just under 9 hours (not including breaks), that won't need to be recharged en-route?

That, my friends, is what's known as 'real-life' motoring. Until then, you can shove your electric (and hybrid) cars where the sun don't shine!!"

Of course, on reflection, I maybe should have emphasised the "Until then" a little more.

Or were you, as were a few others I suspect, simply incensed by the inflammatory title?

I suspect you may require another "well-needed ciggy". Although your penchant for tobacco would seem to be at odds with

"Yeah, brilliant. That's right up there with "there's so much shit in our food we might as well forget eating the healthiest food we can find and chow down on cyanide."

and

"taking the least harmful options"

And as a smoker, how do you feel about your habit's contribution to global pollution and health?

ps. It's 'fuelled' not 'fueled'.

For those interested, using commercially available cable charts

200A rated cable, 70mm2, 3 core, O/D 32mm, 3.1kg/m

400A rated cable, 185mm2, 3 core, O/D 45mm, 8kg/m

800A rated cable, 400mm2, 3 core, O/D 67mm, 15kg/m

(Connectors not included!)

dervheid
Joke

Recharge times

To all who replied to my original in the same vein;

My point was that all these 'sports' and 'urban' (e.g. the G-Wiz) electro-cars are utterly irrelevant to the vast majority of the motoring populace, who require their car of choice to be far more than any of these offerings.

Thanks go to the various contributors for pointing out the "practicalities" of a 10 minute / 200 mile recharge.

And as for their 'green' credentials, where exactly does most of the electricity (currently, at least) come from to recharge them...

That's right! Fossil Fuel!! Very fucking 'Green'

Joke. That's the current state of electric cars.

dervheid
Thumb Down

Electric cars = Total COCK!

Look, it's all very nice producing a super-duper leccy sports car or two, but tell me this...

Who is going to produce an economically viable electric car, capable of carrying the average family and their luggage the entire journey from central Scotland to Cornwall (530 miles), in reasonable, air conditioned comfort, in a journey time of just under 9 hours (not including breaks), that won't need to be recharged en-route?

That, my friends, is what's known as 'real-life' motoring. Until then, you can shove your electric (and hybrid) cars where the sun don't shine!!

(BTW, Journey both ways, recently carried out, with an average speed of 60mph, and an average fuel consumption of 51mpg, diesel of course!)

HP packaging madness continues apace

dervheid
Coat

It'll all be down to...

Health & Safety, don't you know.

Probably find that the courier operates a strict "no manual handling" policy requiring the use of fork lift truck devices all round.

It probably costs more for the pallet and packaging than for the contents on this one.

But hey, that's progress for you!

The Hi-Viz one everyone has to wear at work these days.

UK comms intercepts up by half - and it isn't the council

dervheid
Thumb Down

"These powers can make a real difference ...

enabling us to gain that vital intelligence that will prevent a terrorist attack, working to tackle antisocial behaviour or ensuring that rogue traders do not defraud the public."

And of course, providing invaluable targeted advertising to the on-line community.

So, there were 519,260 "requests for information", or "look how much we're looking after your National Security"

No mention of how many 'unauthorised interceptions' took place then.

Or don't they think that the public would be interested in the "but look how badly we're doing" side. Could it be because they're doing feck-all about what has to be the largest one?

Home Office classes openness review a secret

dervheid
Coat

Only a matter of time...

before we all have to supply a key to our property to the local authorities then. And Plod. And HM C&E.

That's presuming we're going to be allowed to have our own 'property' in GB's new Stalinist State.

You might be allocated a coat, if you're lucky, and toe the party line.

EU tells UK to deal with Phorm - or else

dervheid
Linux

Not...

Before fucking time! No surprise that this piss-poor excuse for a government and it's minions are being forced into action by the EU. Not that any action will happen any time soon mind you.

We'd be better of with fucking penguins in charge!

Ofcom flashes cash guarantees at BT for fibre investment

dervheid
Alert

BT install new cables?

BT can't even organise the repair of a damaged cable within an acceptable timeframe, and have no appreciation of how long a job will actually take in the real world. We need to have them do the job as positively the last resort, cos it'll still not be done by the end of the NEXT fucking millenium!

El Reg procures OGC mousemat

dervheid
Joke

"Cracking Stuff"?

More like 'cracking one off' stuff!

FNAAR!