* Posts by Nigel Brown

204 posts • joined 29 Jul 2006

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Quantum computing is so powerful it takes two years to understand what happened

Nigel Brown

So what is it? *

I'm afraid you lost me halfway through the opening sentence!

*It's a big swirly orange thing in space!

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Hawking: RISE of the MACHINES could DESTROY HUMANITY

Nigel Brown

AI doesn't worry me..

...it's Natural Stupidity that will be the downfall of the human race.

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Online tat bazaar eBay collapses in UK

Nigel Brown

El Reg hacks need to actually *look* at the modern fleabay

Most sellers now are businesses, the sellers of 'second hand crap' have faded into a minority, driven out by scamming buyers, the lack of ability to leave negative feedback about a bad buyer, and the decision to charge the seller a %age of the postal charges.

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Apple Watch will CONQUER smartwatch world – analysts

Nigel Brown

I have a perfectly functional watch

I also have a smartphone with a large screen. At my age I need bigger screens not ruddy smaller.

9
1

Google extends app refund window to two hours

Nigel Brown

Refund?

I only ever opt for the free apps anyway. If there's a feature I want that's only in the paid for version then I usually seek out another freebie that gives me that feature. Guess I'm just ludicrously tight, or is it too many years of freetarderyness© :)

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eBay, Facebook, Tumblr ALL go TITSUP in me-too MULTI-FAIL

Nigel Brown

Can someone please explain to a non techy bod like me

What exactly is involved in server maintenance? Oil and filters and re-gap the plugs?

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CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Nigel Brown

What does CNN stand for?

I'm guessing it's Cartoon Network (something)

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6 Obvious Reasons Why Facebook Will Ban This Article (Thank God)

Nigel Brown

Re: Ads as Articles

Best plug-in I've ever installed.

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Video of US journalist 'beheading' pulled from social media

Nigel Brown

Nice 180 degree turn from Facebook

They used to leave these things up, trot out some corporate guff about right to know, public awareness etc. Perhaps now they are starting to listen to their outraged products they'll start to respond about requests to take down the child and animal abuse pages, videos, etc.

1
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Microsoft: Just what the world needs – a $25 Nokia dumbphone

Nigel Brown

Re: Motorcyclists have a perfect use for this phone.

Bugger, missed that bit. :(

2
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Nigel Brown

Motorcyclists have a perfect use for this phone.

Squirreled away under the seat, on silent, you have a perfect tracker should your expensive motorcycle be stolen. People have been touting this idea for some time, using an old forgotten phone from the back of the drawer.

2
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SOULLESS machine-intelligence ROBOT cars to hit Blighty in 2015

Nigel Brown
Joke

I have had an epiphany.

I used to shudder at the thought of these things beetling about unattended, but then I realised that at last, German car manufacturers will be able to ensure that their indicators do actually get used.

13
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Too rich for an iPhone 6? How about a gold-plated Brikk?

Nigel Brown

An awful lot of money to play Candy Crush.....

0
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Facebook: Want to stay in touch? Then it's Messenger or NOTHING

Nigel Brown

I junked the app months ago.

Just using the web browser now. If they remove that option then hell, I can always wait until I get home to find out my friends highest score on the latest faddy game, or see a photo of their lunch......

10
1

HP settles suit with popstar Chubby Checker over todger tester app

Nigel Brown

Well I *was*..

...going to question if there really is a market for this app, but then I remembered about all the fart generator apps and decided not to ask.

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Klingon and Maori roar into 'mutt's nuts' dictionary

Nigel Brown
Joke

In Korea it translates as

Hors d'ouvres or dumplings :)

1
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Surprise! Google chairman blasts EU's privacy ruling

Nigel Brown

Other search engines are available....

...as my local BBC radio station keeps telling us.

1
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Selfies are so 2013. Get ready for DRONIES – the next hipster-cam-gasm

Nigel Brown

Re: What do I think of it?

I really wish I could upvote this more than once.

5
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Candy Crush King sees IPO go sour as stock price heads south

Nigel Brown

Re: Send in the clones

That game is on mobile devices already.

2
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Nigel Brown

Send in the clones

Am I correct in assuming that all their games are a rip off of Bejewelled, just with different graphics?

20
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The TRUTH about LEAKY, STALKING, SPYING smartphone applications

Nigel Brown

Re: As a windows phone owner

Because windows doesn't have any dodgy applications does it............

7
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Prince sues 22 music file-sharers for ONE MEEELLION dollars each

Nigel Brown

Pompous prat

That's all.

9
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Candy Crush dev stuffs EU 'candy' trademark down gob

Nigel Brown

Getting a little big for their boots with only one (admittedly very) successful game behind them aren't they?

2
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Boffins: Antarctic glacier in irreversible decline, will raise sea levels by 1cm

Nigel Brown

Ice Ice Baby

Is this the same ice that keeps trapping research boats?

12
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Latest global menace: ELECTROPULSE NORKS, apparently

Nigel Brown

They are developing, hey?

And if your aunt develops balls, she'll become your uncle.

2
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Google 'fesses up: Yup, we're KILLING OFF IE9 support for Gmail, Apps

Nigel Brown

IE9?

That we should be so lucky, we're still stuck with IE8.

0
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Big Beardie's watching: Alan Sugar robots spy on Tesco petrol queue

Nigel Brown

Re: Motorcycle Helmets

No, but you could wear a burkha.

2
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Nigel Brown

Re: Tesco, stock your shelves

Dont forget to put the points on your Clubcard so Tesco know what products to push at you.

See where your plan to knobble the cameras falls down?

2
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Japanese boffins unveil INVINCIBLE robot rock, paper, scissors 'bot

Nigel Brown

Meanwhile

People dying from a multitude of diseases look on in wonder.............

2
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Blighty's telcos set to CHOKE off another fistful of piracy gateways

Nigel Brown

Its down to personal choice

but my favourite torrent search engine is Google............

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Baldness fix from foreskin follicles

Nigel Brown

Damn

Beat me to the dickhead pun :)

2
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Bonking boffins say bacon biters won't breed

Nigel Brown

Well at my age

The last thing I'm concerned about is semen quality, so shove another couple of rashers under the grill for me.

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A14 to become UK's first internet-connected ROAD

Nigel Brown

It will also be handy for

online payment of the compulsory toll on the stretch round Huntingdon. The old section of the A14 is to be demolished, so you'll have no choice.

2
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500 MEELLION PCs still run Windows XP. How did we get here?

Nigel Brown

XP? Pah!

I have a CNC machine under my authority that still runs off Win95!

5
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Don't wait up for BBM on iPhone, Android – BlackBerry

Nigel Brown

If you look, you can see a boat being missed

Surely everyone uses WhatsApp now dont they? Does BBM offer anything that WA doesn't do?

3
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UK's Get Safe Online? 'No one cares' - run the blockbuster ads instead

Nigel Brown

Bring back the early 90's

The problems all started when they made the internet easy to use by thick people....

6
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Pair of complete tits sorry for pervy app

Nigel Brown

Ohhh

"The app's functionality, such as it is, offers users the chance to take photos of themselves gawking at women's breasts."

Like a camera you mean?

16
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MPs blocked from ogling 'web smut' 300,000 times – WHILE IN PARLIAMENT

Nigel Brown

You've got it all wrong

It was all done in the name of research for the anti-smut bill.

1
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UK mulls ban on tiny mobiles to block prison smugglers

Nigel Brown

As far as I'm aware..

drugs are illegal, doesn't stop them finding their way into prisons does it? Hand guns are illegal, still plenty on the street.

As has been said before, the only surefire solution is to render the phones useless by crippling the signal.

6
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Facebook to get IN YOUR FACE with video ads

Nigel Brown

Ner ner ne ner ner

I use a browser extension to avoid that horrible timeline, and I'm sure some enterprising script kiddy will devise a way to block them within a week anyway.

2
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UK economy to lose £198m if BBC and pals lose EPG slots - Ministry of Fun

Nigel Brown

Make use of the Favourite Channel options

I have all my frequently watched channels down as favourites so I dont have to wade through page after page of dross to get to where I want to go.

2
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Plods probe death threat tweets to MP - but WHO will rid us of terrible trolls?

Nigel Brown

Yawn

Brainless keyboard warriors use social networks.

In other news, the sun shone in Africa today, ice is cold, and David Cameron still looks like Iggle Piggle.

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Comrade! If you dare f$%^ing swear on the internet, WE'LL SHOOT

Nigel Brown

Does the BBC

know that Mo Slater is moonlighting as a Russian minister?

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Burger-rage horse dumps on McDonald's: Rider saddled with fat fine

Nigel Brown

Forget H&S, policies, road laws, etc

There's a thing called common decency, and to let a shit machine into somewhere where people are eating goes way beyond that.

Vile woman.

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CONFIRMED: Driverless cars to hit actual British roads by end of year

Nigel Brown

@AC 10:56 I'm guessing you must have sat seething in traffic while a motorcyclist or two (legally) filtered past you, thus completing their journey in much less time than you.

I encounter this anti-bike mentality every day, water off a ducks back old bean. Enjoy the jams.

6
3
Nigel Brown

As a motorcyclist

i was initially somewhat concerned about this, but then I thought about the near misses I've had due to idiots with no roadcraft or roadsense, to myopic morons who dont know left from right, to aggressive and reckless micro-penised drivers of 4x4's, jeeps and redneck wagons and concluded that a system that removes the human element simply cannot be any worse.

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Radiohead's Thom Yorke pulls his own music off Spotify

Nigel Brown

Ah, some good news.

A reason to sign up for Spotify now this pretentious little oik has flounced off.

4
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Facebook Home phone plans canned in the UK

Nigel Brown

Oh dear, how WILL we cope?

I'll just DIE if I cant get 200 reports about the weather and photos of people's breakfasts.........

0
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Dark blue side of the Force used to quell Star Wars nerd clash

Nigel Brown
Happy

Barsteward

Beat me to it :)

1
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Are biofuels Europe's sh*ttiest idea ever?

Nigel Brown
Flame

Owners of classic cars and motorcycles have been concerned about this for some time, especially the move to 10% ethanol as it has a corrosive effect on many components in the fuel system.

The Department for Transport commissioned an independent report in to the effects of E10 on existing vehicles, the report

http://assets.dft.gov.uk/publications/qinetiq-10-02471-assessing-fuel-system-compatability-with-bio-ethanol-and-risk-of-carburettor-icing/bioethanolstudyreport.pdf

recommended the following:

* Vehicles ten years old or older, carburettored vehicles (including powered two wheelers) and first generation direct injection spark ignition vehicles should not be fuelled on E10 unless the manufacturer can state the vehicles are compatible with E10.

* The automotive industry should produce a comprehensive list of vehicles compatible with E10. While it is acknowledged that some lists do already exist if in doubt the vehicle operator should seek clarification from the vehicle manufacturer.

* E5 should not be phased out in 2013, its widespread availability should continue for the foreseeable future.

* Consideration should be given to maintaining a specification for E0 fuel for historic and vintage vehicles.

I own a 1994 Kawasaki motorcycle, Kawasaki are still considering the effects and currently do not recommend using E10. I am now looking at the distinct possibility that this bike is going to become worthless or impractical to use due to the problems of finding E5 out in the sticks where I live.

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