* Posts by Steven Ballmer

12 posts • joined 8 Dec 2007

Microsoft dodges multi-million dollar WGA payout

Steven Ballmer

GOOD!

Dang I'm slick!

http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

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Steve Ballmer defaces fanboi MacBook

Steven Ballmer

CEO

LOVE IT!

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Apple squeezes video camera into iPod nano

Steven Ballmer
Thumb Up

That was not Steve Jobs!

That was the Jobs clone!

http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

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Ballmer to go Kumo on Microsoft's Live Search?

Steven Ballmer
Happy

Great Times Ahead!

Kumo in the waters fine!

http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

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Microsoft hires Yahoo! search boss

Steven Ballmer

The truth!

Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTMLIf you haven't figured it out, that was my way of saying that when we do buy Yahoo we will need a "Microsoft trained" oriental guy to take Yang's place. One hard and fast rule we have around here is that you never do cross-culture-replacement of senior executives! Italians for Irish or French for Portuguese or even Mexican for Bolivian is OK, but never replace a China-man with anything less than a Korean! It simply isn't done.

http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

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Ballmer's bid to swerve 'Vista Capable' row comes unstuck

Steven Ballmer

Right!

What is upsetting in the article is the revelation that my own people are unwilling to fall of the grenade for me! When every last MS employee ius supposed to say, "I know nothing, I see nothing", it turns out that we have whiners internally! Not just low level basement dwellers too, these rats are senior executives! These weaklings emails have been entered into evidence AGAINST MS!

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Ballmer backs away from 'Vista Capable' legal row

Steven Ballmer
Thumb Up

That's My Story ....

... and I'm sticking with it!

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Ballmer eggs on Hungarian student

Steven Ballmer
Unhappy

The truth

WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARDS:

The kid was taken to a back room where he was being held by a campus security guy and my Blackwater Bodyguard #6.

I told the university staff that I was concerned about him and wanted to speak to him personally. He was handcuffed and tied down to a chair. As everyone left so I could have my little "talk" with this poor troubled soul, I instructed BWBG#6, "Nobody gets in here for the next 45 seconds!", he said, "I understand sir."

The rest of my story goes like this:

"I approached the kid and he became irrational! He screamed, tipped his chair over backwards, slammed his head into the wall several times! I tried helping him up by the neck, but he tried to bite me! I released him and he fell to the floor hitting his head on my shoe (several times)! Boy was I glad to get out of there! That guy was crazy."

The Hungarian authorities have assured me that he will never do anything like this again.

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BOFH: The Silence of the Servers

Steven Ballmer

Who Cares!

I don't! All that matters is whatever I decide to do on any given day at MS!

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Microsoft immune system rejects execs

Steven Ballmer

Mind your own business!

I'm sick and tired of you people peering over at us, critiquing everything I do! KISS OFF! Sometime I randomly throw a few people overboard, I don't like people feeling too comfortable in their jobs. Just policy!

http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

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Western Digital drive is DRM-crippled for your safety

Steven Ballmer

So what?

Sounds like a security concious company to me!

Why haven't I heard about this?

Posted Saturday 8th December 2007 20:13 GMT

This was in no reports to me this week!

I will take action! Heads will roll!

btw:

I love my kids! Do you? Let me put that another way, do you let them use Macs?

I once had a grounds keeper for the Northeast lawn, I gave hinm a 3400 sqft house, 58k salary, truck and performance bonuses. I went there one evening to complain about a dandylion I found near the heliport. When I walked in I discovered he and his family had four 24″ iMacs in the place! I called the department of social services which took the kids to foster homes, I fired him and had him deported and made his wife a maid in the south-west wing!

Now you tell me if having a Mac is good for your children!

http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

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Microsoft readies seven patches for Tuesday

Steven Ballmer

Actually 27 patches

We just bundled of the them and make six Bundles!

http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

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